ktgrok Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 please don't quote I was supposed to have a weekend away with my husband this weekend. Two full nights, which we have never done before. We even had a suite of rooms booked, with two beds, so that if he snored I could sleep in the other room, lol! Whirlpool tub, room service, etc. It was for our anniversary. Well, my aunt's house and the rental she owns were flooded with water and sewage from the hurricane. She needs help. She didn't have insurance, but also didn't have mortgages. Long story. Anyway, we canceled our plans and my husband will drive up to help. I won't go, because sewage plus pregnancy seems a bad mix. Plus I'll be taking care of the kids. It's the right thing to do. I'm still sad. Complicating things, my aunt is difficult some times. She asked for help on Facebook and my husband offered to come up on Sunday. She never responded. Then told my mom that she had responded and had asked him to come and he didn't. My mom and Dad were going to go up on Sunday. She told them no, it was too chaotic. My mom left a standing offer to go up during the week on her own, and try to get a hotel room. My aunt then told my other aunt that my parents refused to come up and help. That my mom had a hair appt so couldn't come. Told my mom that she asked me to look for storage containers (PODS). No, she hadn't. so yeah. But she also sent us a very very generous check on behalf the new baby coming, so my husband feels we can't NOT help. I called to ask if she'd still need his help this weekend, in case she was planning to be done by then or had hired professionals or whatever. She said at first she "gave up" on her house and was running an aid station. Then said yes, she needed help, "everyone does". Then told me she couldn't talk because she was so busy at the aid station and pretty much hung up. Sigh. I feel bad for her for the damage. I feel badly for myself and my husband for losing out on our weekend. I feel badly for my husband for having to go do all this manual labor in sewage and mud. It just sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Sounds like she's a piece of work and unfortunately it seems like every extended family has one of those. :glare: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I'm so sorry :( Your aunt doesn't sound like she is entirely there mentally. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I'm sorry. What a mess, both the house and the difficult family member. I hope you're able to reschedule your weekend away. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I'm so sorry!! Can you re-book the getaway for another weekend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I'm sorry that your plans have been cancelled. Just don't let them remain cancelled. Once your dh is done helping your aunt sit down Together and find a new weekend that works. Don't let it wait because you've got a baby coming and you know it won't happen for years if you wait. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 And now I'm going to cry. Just found out that the dental crown I had put on months ago, is not covered by my dental insurance because I lost the tooth before I had this insurance company. Which is crap. We are talking $2 grand in dental bills. I honestly wouldn't have gotten the stupid thing if I'd known. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 That is disappointing but don't keep it cancelled, just reschedule. Also I agree with Maize - to me it sounds like your aunt may be at the beginning of dementia, or has ADD. She kinda seems flighty in her thought patterns. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: for all of it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Yeah, I think "it just sucks" pretty much sums that up. :grouphug: I'm so sorry, Katie! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry. I agree it's the right thing to do but it's disappointing. I wouldn't worry too much about how the aunt is as long as everyone knows she's that way. ETA: Ugh about the crown! Edited October 11, 2016 by idnib Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I hear you. DH and I were going to go away for our anniversary, the first time that we would have gone away without kids, and it just didn't work out. Then we were also supposed to go away last weekend for a different event, and that fell through also, no fault of our own. We will have to wait a few more years because I won't leave nursing babies/toddlers overnight. It's all okay, but I understand being disappointed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 :grouphug: I'm sorry for your disappointment. I don't remember when you're due, but can you go another time - before baby comes? is she always so "forgetful"? or is this new? does she have "conversations with herself" but think they're with real people? is there anyone near her who could actually verify what she says about her needs? (if she's so forgetful about what she hasn't actually said to other people, makes me wonder how much she's actually registering.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emba Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Oh man, I would be disappointed too! What a mess. :sad: I would probably cry. And yell. Not at anyone, just in frustration. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Why are you trying so hard to help someone who doesn't want your help? Unless she has mental health issues causing this, then you need to let it go. I understand how you feel. I have always been the sort of person to want to step in and help and feel bad when I can't or don't. But that is actually a problem I have and am working on it. Unless this woman has a disability causing this, you should let it go. If she does have a disability that causes this behavior, then perhaps she needs help to a less independent living situation. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 No disability. Probably not forgetful. We're doing it because it is the right thing, and because my husband feels we should. And yes, we probably can go away another time, baby isn't due until March so we have some time. Hubby has a friend that works at a resort near here, maybe we can work something out there. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Well poop! I am sorry about the weekend. That sounded so nice. I agree, try to get it again. You have some time. And that really stinks about the dental bill. Anyway that can be figured out at all, or is it cut in stone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Ugh. I'm sorry. That stinks. I hope you can go another time, soon. If it makes your uninsured aunt feel any better, unless she had a flood policy, her damages wouldn't have been covered. So at least she can think of the premium savings as a hurricane repair fund. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I hate hate hate when I'm looking forward to something and get skunked at the last minute. That's the worst with the hormone cocktail isn't it? Story time! I have been spending a MONTH trying to get my husband to walk the properties I love around here so we can investigate which one to buy. Finally we earmarked last Saturday, before my son's birthday party, to do it. Except everything ran late and then it was dinner time and too dark, so no dice. The next day we were going to try to go out instead but I ended up stuck in bed the entire day with preterm labor drama. Skunked again. I could have wept over the disappointment. And yes, we can try to go another one of these weekends but after all the hope and anticipation and planning it was just galling and bitter :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 Yes, exactly Arctic Mama! It's just the excitement and looking forward to it and having it gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I'm really sorry, Katie. That stinks. :( I admire you and your husband for helping your aunt, though! Hoping you are able to reschedule and your new plans will turn out even better! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I am so sorry! For your weekend, the drama involved, the dental crown...ugh!!! Please try your best to reschedule your trip before baby comes. Dh and I had to cancel our 10yr anniversary trip, we just celebrated 13 years...no trip so far :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry. The whole situation stinks. You're a better person than me, because I'm not sure I would have cancelled the weekend at all. Do ask DH to look for other signs of dementia. She really sounds like something is wrong with her. Including not having insurance on a house. Maybe a kid will get sick or something and you'll end up being glad the weekend was postponed. ETA: if there's something wrong with a crown you had done so recently... won't the dentist fix it? I had bad situation with a crown, and the dentist fell all over himself to apologize and fixed it for free. It turned out he'd left a little more to an unqualified substitute dental assistant than he'd had any right to, and she did it all wrong. Edited October 12, 2016 by Katy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I wouldn't rule out dementia but if she's not normally like this I also wouldn't underplay what stress and trauma do to people's brain either. It could be a temporary thing that will settle once things are normal for her. Sorry your weekend got cancelled - you are a very kind niece. Also dental bills aargh! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 Thanks all. I'm honestly feeling a bit less upset this morning. Deep breaths. Trust me when i say this isn't a dementia issue. She's not that old honestly, she's my mom's baby sister and this isn't new behavior really. I'm trying to stay Zen about it. DH says if she gets dramatic with him he'll just leave. We still have the money she gave us in the bank, if he feels badly enough he can give it back. I have writing to do this weekend, and cleaning to do. Maybe if the weather stays nice (it's cooler than normal right now for Fl) I will get some camping stuff out and let the kids play "camping" in the back yard this weekend (coming inside to actually sleep) since they are missing out on their sleep over at Grandma's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Thanks all. I'm honestly feeling a bit less upset this morning. Deep breaths. Trust me when i say this isn't a dementia issue. She's not that old honestly, she's my mom's baby sister and this isn't new behavior really. I'm trying to stay Zen about it. DH says if she gets dramatic with him he'll just leave. We still have the money she gave us in the bank, if he feels badly enough he can give it back. I have writing to do this weekend, and cleaning to do. Maybe if the weather stays nice (it's cooler than normal right now for Fl) I will get some camping stuff out and let the kids play "camping" in the back yard this weekend (coming inside to actually sleep) since they are missing out on their sleep over at Grandma's. (((Hugs)))) You guys are doing the right thing and this does stink! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I'm so sorry. I would've cried too. I still hope you can rebook it for soon and manage a get away. I also think y'all are taking the high road and doing the right thing even if your Aunt might not be making that easy. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Ugh. You ARE taking the high road here. She's not the type to do that. I have a relative like that. When her last surviving parent died, I offered every week for 6 months to go and help her sort through and organize their things and work on estate stuff. She had another relative who offered to spend two weekends per month on this until it was completed. She kept saying, yes, but not yet. Or no. Then when she finally started working on it, she told everyone in the extended family that it was so hard, and that no one would help. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't fix crazy. But you're still doing the right thing. Hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 Thanks. I've decided that if finances and time don't work out for another full weekend at a resort, we can always ship them to grandmas once or twice for a night at home without them. Which would be nice too, in a different way. And cheaper, so maybe we could do it more often. Or we may look at a resort over near my parents even, to avoid the drive back and forth (they are a little over an hour away, on the coast. Maybe a place with a balcony overlooking the beach). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 :grouphug: As someone who always TRIES to do the right thing, I feel your frustration. Sometimes it gets frustrating being the good guy, and you wish you could just say "screw everyone!" and be selfish, as so many people seem to have no problem doing. *sigh* but then you know you could never enjoy it and would feel bad about it. So you're just stuck being a decent person. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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