Recognizing your own faults

[klmama]

Do you ever see other people's faults in yourself and suddenly want to change?  Or do you recognize that they are the way you used to be, and you are glad you changed, but now you feel like apologizing to everyone for how you used to be?  LOL!

[Slache]

I'm perfect. It's awesome.

 

Seeing other people's faults in myself can be very upsetting. Maybe I think too highly of myself.

[Scarlett]

I think it is human nature to not see our own faults.

 

Let's list our faults. I will start.

 

Intolerant.

Demanding

Talks too much

Doesn't know when to shut up

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have a tendency to see my faults to the exclusion of all else.  I don't always see those same faults in others.  I give more grace to others than I give to myself.  I think that I do tend to clash a bit more with people who share the same faults as I do though even though I don't always recognize the similarities until later. 

[DesertBlossom]

Yes. Sometimes. I think it can be hard to recognize your own faults, and it makes me cringe when I realize I do something that I find irritating in other people.

[Slache]

I think it is human nature to not see our own faults.

Let's list our faults. I will start.

Intolerant.

Demanding

Talks too much

Doesn't know when to shut up

Oh, what a horrible idea!

Lazy

Selfish

Self righteous

  

I have a tendency to see my faults to the exclusion of all else.  I don't always see those same faults in others.  I give more grace to others than I give to myself.  I think that I do tend to clash a bit more with people who share the same faults as I do though even though I don't always recognize the similarities until later.

 

I think both are normal.

  

Yes. Sometimes. I think it can be hard to recognize your own faults, and it makes me cringe when I realize I do something that I find irritating in other people.

I think the reason it irritates us is because it reminds us of ourselves.

[Pawz4me]

Do you ever see other people's faults in yourself and suddenly want to change?  Or do you recognize that they are the way you used to be, and you are glad you changed, but now you feel like apologizing to everyone for how you used to be?  LOL!

 

Absolutely. All of it.

 

And every single time it happens I wonder what other fault(s) do I have that I'm not realizing (yet)!

[DawnM]

Sigh.  I have a lot of faults.  

 

I am judgmental.  I see faults in others easily.  I am intolerant of those who don't want to change or grow.  And yet I don't like being criticized.

 

So, see, I am a mess.

[MercyA]

I think it is human nature to not see our own faults.

 

Let's list our faults. I will start.

 

Intolerant.

Demanding

Talks too much

Doesn't know when to shut up

 

Undisciplined.

Gluttonous.

Sometimes gossipy.

Selfish.

[Carrie12345]

I see them in my children.

Lucky me!

[Bluegoat]

Yes.

 

I don't find it so difficult with some faults that I know about all to clearly.

 

But sometimes, when I find a person really rubs me the wrong way for no good reason, or out of proportion to the real behavior, I realize it is because I share in some way the fault that annoys me in this person. 

 

That can be a bit of a blow.

[DawnM]

Yes.

 

I don't find it so difficult with some faults that I know about all to clearly.

 

But sometimes, when I find a person really rubs me the wrong way for no good reason, or out of proportion to the real behavior, I realize it is because I share in some way the fault that annoys me in this person. 

 

That can be a bit of a blow.

 

 

I have trouble with people who remind me of my mother.  

[Guest]

LOL

 

Honestly, not really.

 

I am so hyper-aware of my own faults that when I see them mirrored in others, it's like seeing an old friend. But like a friend you don't love, that you could do without seeing, ever. :laugh:

 

But I feel like it helps me relate to people*. Kind of at my own expense. I wish I had a small firewall of self-delusion; I'd be a little less stressed out, I'm thinking,

 

*But it will not necessarily stop me from disliking them. I'm not like fully self realized :closedeyes:

Edited September 25, 2016 by OKBud

[SemiSweet]

I do both! It depends on the fault. I'm a perfectionist but watching it in action in some other people makes me want to really try to let more things go. A few years back I went through some major changes in my philosophy on life, and it has made me both more and less tolerant. I definitely have plenty of faults.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Yes.

 

I don't find it so difficult with some faults that I know about all to clearly.

 

But sometimes, when I find a person really rubs me the wrong way for no good reason, or out of proportion to the real behavior, I realize it is because I share in some way the fault that annoys me in this person. 

 

That can be a bit of a blow.

 

Yes, this! I really hate when I realize that the reason I don't like someone is because they are just like me!  ::shudder:: And then I am even more grateful for my friends who can overlook such awfulness in me.

[Pawz4me]

Yes.

 

I don't find it so difficult with some faults that I know about all to clearly.

 

But sometimes, when I find a person really rubs me the wrong way for no good reason, or out of proportion to the real behavior, I realize it is because I share in some way the fault that annoys me in this person. 

 

That can be a bit of a blow.

 

Oldest DS and I butt heads sometimes.

 

Because other than being the opposite sex . . .  he's me when I was his age. ;) :lol:

[Guest]

I see them in my children.

Lucky me!

I seriously think kids are the best mirror I've ever had regarding this. They're like a magnifying glass for every annoying quality or action Dh or I display.

[Shred Betty]

Usually I only see other people's faults in myself when it comes to my parent's faults that I've "inherited" ..... Otherwise beyond that I usually let myself remain blind to my faults.

 

Undisciplined

Lazy

Unobservant

Poor communicator

Awful memory

Poor follow through

 

And I could go on lol. Sad thing is until recently (10 yrs?) I was operating under the delusion that I had no faults. It's a sad by

product of an overly accepting and over praised upbringing: "you are amazing! Perfect just the way you are!" So I don't think I over focus on my faults or anything, maybe under focusing on them when I was young means it's harder to cope with the idea I have them, or is why I have so many to work on, I don't know! not that it's all my moms fault I turned out like that, haha my own personality played an important part in the failure.

[stephanier.1765]

Oh, I have plenty. It worries me when I spot them in my own children and when I do I tell them how those faults have affected my life so that hopefully they can make changes before the effects on their lives become big ones.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Christian content so don't read further if that bothers  you.

 

As I said upthread, I am very aware of my faults (which for the most part I call sins though some things are not moral in nature).  I confess those regularly though and have seen God working in my life.  I try to apply the same grace to others that God has given me.  God does continue to point things out to me that need correction.  This is how I approach this whole issue.  On the flip side, to reference the other thread on cleverness (and other potential virtues), I see those things as gifts that God has given me in grace to use for His pleasure.  Neither bother me overly much as I am secure in how God sees me and the framework He has given me to deal with these things in my life. 

[J-rap]

Undisciplined 

Undisciplined

Undisciplined

 

I didn't used to be.  What happened?

[Guest]

Do you ever see other people's faults in yourself and suddenly want to change? Or do you recognize that they are the way you used to be, and you are glad you changed, but now you feel like apologizing to everyone for how you used to be? LOL!

Yes. Both scenarios have happened to me. Sometimes, it did lead me to being a better person.

 

I remember when I was only around 20 years old, watching a much older secretary sob and cry because it had snowed that morning and getting to the office with those darn, demanding attorneys was stressful. It struck me how ridiculous it was to be too emotional and too fragile, which was something I had been up until then.

 

I also realized in my late 20s that everything did not have to be my way and actually, other people can have good ideas, too. Maybe even - gasp! - superior ideas! That was the biggest one that made me want to go back an apologize to some people. I could even remember specific conversations I had had, which I now saw what a proud and haughty snot I had been.

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 5, 2016 by cathey

[MaeFlowers]

Yes. I think some of the major changes I've made come from this.

 

I'm perfectly aware of all my faults. I have a lot of them. It's far harder for me to find my good points which is, I guess, one of my faults.

 

I have to admit, I'm totally baffled/fascinated by people who are completely not self-aware.

[goldberry]

 

 

And every single time it happens I wonder what other fault(s) do I have that I'm not realizing (yet)!

 

Yes!

[goldberry]

 

I also realized in my late 20s that everything did not have to be my way and actually, other people can have good ideas, too. Maybe even - gasp! - superior ideas! That was the biggest one that made me want to go back an apologize to some people. I could even remember specific conversations I had had, which I now saw what a proud and haughty snot I had been.

 

Oh gosh yes!  I was so know-it-all in my 20s.  It's embarrassing to think about it now.  

[Liz CA]

I have trouble with people who remind me of my mother.  

 

I actually set out to never be like my mother (very critical) and I think I did a decent job with ds in that regard but have to remind myself that silent criticism of others (outside the family) is no better.

[LMD]

I have trouble with people who remind me of my mother.

Sooooooo much this...

[DawnM]

Sooooooo much this...

 

 

There is a woman who was in my social group who drove me nuts because she was so much like her.  But in all fairness, my mother has some mental issues, and I firmly believe this woman does as well.

 

I can't fix the world, right?

[stephanier.1765]

Oh gosh yes!  I was so know-it-all in my 20s.  It's embarrassing to think about it now.  

 

My DIL is in her 20s and is very opinionated. I'm hoping this will be something she will outgrow. On the other hand, I know the reasons behind why I outgrew it and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[Guest]

One of the things I heard a looonnnnng time ago is that the thing that bugs one most about another person is something that one dislikes about oneself.

 

That really got me thinking.  The first response is denial!  :0)  But then I started watching and I found that there is more than a grain of truth in it.  For example, one day, I was really irritated at a woman who would not stop talking!  On and on....  Why did it bug me?  Wellllll because it didn't give me as much time to talk.  LOL.  Sort of goes with the old joke, "Stop interrupting while I'm interrupting!"

 

It's been a pretty reliable checkpoint for me over the years...but sometimes the biggest battle is figuring out whether I am in denial, or whether I really do not share that trait.  And then moving on to changing myself (I certainly won't change anyone else and it's hard enough to change ME) and letting the other person be...as much as I can.  

 

But yeah...

[DesertBlossom]

One of the things I heard a looonnnnng time ago is that the thing that bugs one most about another person is something that one dislikes about oneself.

 

That really got me thinking. The first response is denial! :0) But then I started watching and I found that there is more than a grain of truth in it. For example, one day, I was really irritated at a woman who would not stop talking! On and on.... Why did it bug me? Wellllll because it didn't give me as much time to talk. LOL. Sort of goes with the old joke, "Stop interrupting while I'm interrupting!"

 

 

My MIL is a never-ending talker and it drives me insane. I don't think I have ever suffered from that though. However, now I am much more conscientious about how I listen to others and make sure I ask about them and listen to understand instead of thinking of what I can say next while they are talking. My MIL's quirk has made me a much better conversationalist. 😆