Housework and groceries the bane of existence

[pinkmint]

It just feels like that sometimes.

 

It feels like just maintaining basic order in the home, personal hygiene, laundry, dishes, keeping things in a non gross-out condition, directing kids to bathe and other basic daily tasks, preparing meals and procuring groceries leaves exactly zero time for anything.

 

Anyone else feel like this? Is it my stage of life and kids ages? Is it that I have a boy toddler-tornado?

 

Truly I am ok with these things and even thankful to have a home to take care of. I just can't figure out if I'm more weak and limited as a person or if people who are able to pull off all these things and actually homeschool their kids have uniquely driven and productive personalities.

 

I just sit back sometimes and ponder how the workload is relentless. But someone has to do these things. Has it always been like this? Have women always been expected to do this massive workload alone? I read a book from the 1800's recently and it made it seem like domestic help was the norm and not something for wealthy families only.

[regentrude]

The main issue is having a  2y/o. That takes a lot of time and energy that is not available for other things.

But the good news is: this too shall pass.

 

Simplify. Few possessions means little clutter. Dinner can be simple and not take more than 25 minutes. Use the time confetti efficiently. Lower your standards.

Good luck. It gets better.

 

 

I just sit back sometimes and ponder how the workload is relentless. But someone has to do these things. Has it always been like this? Have women always been expected to do this massive workload alone? I read a book from the 1800's recently and it made it seem like domestic help was the norm and not something for wealthy families only.

 

I think women had to work a lot harder in the 1800s. No buying ready to use groceries, but having to do one's own gardening and canning. No washing machines, but boiling diapers in a pot on the stove. No gas or electric heating, but using coal stoves, cleaning out ashes. No freezer or fridge. Cooking on a wood or coal stove.

Domestic help, maybe for some, but there was a lot more housework than nowadays.

Edited July 18, 2016 by regentrude

[NorthwestMom]

Your kids are really little. It gets MUCH better. I hope your DH is helping. He working outside the home and you doing all the work inside the home is NOT a fair division of labor with children that young.

 

I hope you are teaching your kids to help with things. They can do work too. When we got a new washer and dryer when my oldest was 5, I figured that if he could work the cable and DVR remotes he could work the washing machine and dryer interfaces. We sorted together, and then he put the loads through, and then we folded. He loved it. Even if he hadn't loved it, he would still have been capable of it. :)  Yes, it is more work up front to teach children to do housework and hold them to minimal standards, but it pays off - just like toilet training.  :lol:

 

My kids are now teens and pre-teens and they can do most tasks around the house. It is SO MUCH EASIER than when they were little. It gets better, I promise.

[SparklyUnicorn]

It is very much the difficulty of living with little kids.

 

One of these days, keep track of what you do in a day.  You might realize you are doing a lot despite feeling like you aren't accomplishing much.

 

I just lower my standards.  "Got out of bed before noon."  check!  "Kids ate something other than stale cereal they found in the couch cushions." check!  "Hey look at that, I kept that kid alive for 2 years!"  major accomplishment....check! 

 

Humor...you need to laugh about it.  It helps...really.  Life is too short to not just find humor in a lot of this stuff. 

[meena]

I'm right there with you. I like things to be organized, but I'm not a naturally tidy person. I'm not one of those people who can't go to bed until the whole house is clean. I definitely feel that when I'm working harder on schooling, housework goes down and vice versa. It has gotten somewhat easier to keep up with housework now that my kids are older. They can take care of themselves and their areas (theoretically, at least, lol), and they are learning to help out around the house without being asked or monitored. I also try different systems to improve efficiency--in other words, trying to work smarter rather than harder to streamline tasks. When I follow those systems (like meal prep and planning, chore scheduling, room organization), it makes life easier. But I don't follow them all the time, especially if we get sick, are traveling, etc.

[pinkmint]

Thank you. Seeing it as a stage that will change does help. I want to be able to enjoy my kids little-ness without wishing the time away. At the same time it's sometimes shocking to me how much work it is just to keep daily things going in a semi-orderly way. 

 

Our home is very small, about 1,000 sq ft, and I try to be ruthless about clutter but the house still looks like it's been burglerized after the kids are done playing. I know I need to teach them to help out more and I have no excuse. Especially the 7 and almost-6 year old. 

 

DH does help. But honestly I try to do as much stuff as possible before he gets home from work so that we can actually do something besides housework together. It takes so much work just to get caught up enough to have an actual solid 2 hours of free time. Maybe the toddler factor is really huge. Just keeping him from destroying everything in his path is it's own fulltime job. 

[meena]

Also, it's harder if you don't have any help. My DH is gone for work about 50-75% of each month. We haven't lived near family in years and don't have close friends who help us out. I learned long ago that it's impossible to try to be all things to all people (in your family) and have an Instagram-pretty home. People who seem to do it all and have it all usually have a team of helpers, whether they are paid help or family/friends.

[meena]

We used to live in the same size house as yours. One thing that helped was that most toys had to stay in bedrooms, not in the main living area. Toys could come out into the living room one (or one box) at a time, and had to be put away before another came out. Have a rotating special bucket of toys that only come out when you are doing meal prep in the afternoon. We also did PBS TV time during my afternoon meal prep time. That helps control the mess from getting too out of control when you are otherwise occupied. Many people do room time in the afternoon, but my kids always hated that. They are very extroverted and wanted to be with each other. I never minded as long as they didn't get out of control.

[Garga]

I think it was endless then and is endless now. I love to watch those old PBS shows where they take a couple of modern day families, teach them about a specific time in history, and then have the families live as if it was that time for about 3 months.

 

There was the Frontier house where they had to milk their cows and butcher their pigs and chop a lot of wood.

There was the 1940's house where they had to live on tiny rations, cook with pretty much nothing (so the food was horrible) keep up with the house, and work on fixing old WWII bombers.

There was the 1900's house where the woman had to clean everything from top to bottom, every single day, including the horrible laundry day, plus her old iron stove didn't work and they ate a lot of slop.

Forgot the name of it, but there was the one about the settlers living in a colony in Massachusettes.

 

From what we can see as we watch the people struggle on the show, and from the voice overs explaining the time period, people worked from before sun up to after sun down, nonstop. They had a day off a few times a year for a wedding or something. There was no such thing, really, as 'weekends.' The work still had to be done. OR you sat in church for 4 hours or so (colony one.)

 

The people tend to lose a ton of weight and are completely dragged down by the heavy workload. When one womon got back from the Frontier House show, she showed the cameras her washing machine and said, "This is freedom!" All of the women on that show coudn't wait for their time to be over. The men actually got teary-eyed and wanted to stay. But the women had been worn down to nubs.

 

I think we are used to living lives of relative luxury with our time but I think that throughout history, people just expected to work non-stop. I read about famous people in the past and they worked loooong days. I think I was reading about printers working at their presses and it was normal to work for 14 or so hours a day. They didn't think anything of it, because everyone did it.

 

 

But for now, for you, Pinkmint: yes, it's a lot of work. We aren't set up as a society to have a lot of helpers. We don't have as much work to do in the past (thank goodness!) but it's still a boatload of work to tend to children all day. And, it will get better as they get older. It doesn't help for now, but this will not be your life forever. It is hard to get through now, but this isn't it for the next 20 years. For the next 5 or so, yes. But it's not endless.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Garga

[luuknam]

In the 1800s housework was more work, but OTOH, their standards were lower as well. They didn't bathe their kids every day and then put clean clothes on them even though the clothes they were wearing were still perfectly clean. Some of the housework in 21st century America is pure insanity, and would have people from the 1800s ROTFL, I bet. And while maybe more people had domestic help in the 1800s, the poor were working those jobs* while having to deal with their own households too.

 

Anyway, as to the original question, my (special needs) oldest is almost 9 and my youngest is almost 5.75 and they've finally gotten easier in the past year or so. For example, my oldest has been unloading the dishwasher since he was 7, and my youngest since 5.5, or in other words, both since they turned about 45" tall, and iirc the only thing they've broken is a glass my youngest knocked off the kitchen counter while reaching into a top cabinet - which has been a pleasant surprise, since I'd expected more broken items, what with all the climbing on chairs and reaching to be able to put stuff away.

 

*Like taking in extra laundry - the live-in maid was of course an unmarried young woman or something without a household of her own.

[fairfarmhand]

Life with a toddler. :)

 

You're not defective.

 

ONe thing that helped me when my littles were small was to close off unused parts of the house, especially my bedroom) all day. I'd get up straighten things and shut the door. Nobody was allowed to go in there.

 

Mentally, it helped me. There was one place in my house that was an oasis of cleanliness and not toddler trashed.

 

Also, close off kids rooms that have toddler disasters in the making...like any place that has legos. :)

[JustEm]

It is all about finding a routine that works for you. I've gotten laundry to no longer take up all of my time by starting a load first thing in the morning everyday. By the the breakfast is done it is ready to go in the dryer. It gets folded and put away the second I hear the dryer bell ring. I fold on the couch in the living room so I can watch the little kids and them task all the kids with helping me put it away.

 

Dishes is routine now too. All dishes get washed immediately after every meal. I start pots and pans while kids are still eating. Then the 7 and 6 year old clear the table and wipe it down. Because they get washed right after the meal I never have a sink full of dishes so it only ever takes 5 minutes to get done. The dishes get put away right before I start the next meal.

 

My last routine is 15 minute cleaning sessions where everyone who is home clean one area of the house together for 15 minutes. We do this twice a day.

 

These routines took months to become routines and I only ever worked on one at a time. Right now I'm working on getting everyone to pick up after themselves in the moment so our 15 minute cleaning can focus more on deeper cleaning and not so much picking up toys.

[UmMusa]

I think it was endless then and is endless now. I love to watch those old PBS shows where they take a couple of modern day families, teach them about a specific time in history, and then have the families live as if it was that time for about 3 months.

 

 

 

I searched PBS trying to find the show.... do you know how I can watch any of those episodes?

 

OP...  you are not crazy.  I have four kids aged 7-15 right now I still feel like those tasks take up a lot of my day.  I wonder what my life would be like if I worked outside the home because of how much those things you mentioned take up of my day.  I'm sure I'd be more stressed and we'd be eating less elaborate foods.  I guess I'm in a similar boat as you... sometimes I feel that just the basics take up most of my energy and time.  Also, I think I hesitate to find a hobby or do something that does take a long time because I know it would interfere with many of those daily tasks that I"m on top of.  

[Garga]

I searched PBS trying to find the show.... do you know how I can watch any of those episodes?

 

OP... you are not crazy. I have four kids aged 7-15 right now I still feel like those tasks take up a lot of my day. I wonder what my life would be like if I worked outside the home because of how much those things you mentioned take up of my day. I'm sure I'd be more stressed and we'd be eating less elaborate foods. I guess I'm in a similar boat as you... sometimes I feel that just the basics take up most of my energy and time. Also, I think I hesitate to find a hobby or do something that does take a long time because I know it would interfere with many of those daily tasks that I"m on top of.

They're all separate from each other. Each one is a few hours long. Here's a list of them. I think I bought a few, some are on Netflix, and I think I found some on youtube? I don't know for sure. We've watched them on and off over the years in different ways.

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/listmania/fullview/R2AZTD9S0TEZZD

[BlsdMama]

It just feels like that sometimes.

 

It feels like just maintaining basic order in the home, personal hygiene, laundry, dishes, keeping things in a non gross-out condition, directing kids to bathe and other basic daily tasks, preparing meals and procuring groceries leaves exactly zero time for anything.

 

Anyone else feel like this? Is it my stage of life and kids ages? Is it that I have a boy toddler-tornado?

 

Truly I am ok with these things and even thankful to have a home to take care of. I just can't figure out if I'm more weak and limited as a person or if people who are able to pull off all these things and actually homeschool their kids have uniquely driven and productive personalities.

 

I just sit back sometimes and ponder how the workload is relentless. But someone has to do these things. Has it always been like this? Have women always been expected to do this massive workload alone? I read a book from the 1800's recently and it made it seem like domestic help was the norm and not something for wealthy families only.

 

 

I think it's standards honestly.

 

 

In the past people took monthly baths and were, well, gross.

I think in the past we had so few things it was crazy.  My dad grew up with two pairs of jeans - one for chores and one for school and they were washed on the weekends - way less laundry.

 

Grocery shopping wasn't so much the norm either.  They ate less.  They had gardens and animals and food in the pantry.  Now, granted, a HUGE portion of their  time was spent on food - they had animal care, gardening, canning, preparing, but no running about.

 

They had yards- their tornados spent time outside or working with mama to the point of exhaustion. ;)

 

I think women had a much bigger workload.  Much.

I read this today whilte researching some garden stuff and thought it was interesting.

http://www.champoeg.org/learn-more/an-1860s-kitchen-garden.html

 

But I think never, at any point in history, have we had so much free time, and conversely, so much to fill it.

 

Let's be straight - if I wanted to eat nothing but prepared meat, canned veggies, and root veggies, and no fresh produce, dairy, etc., I could eat that way and  not go to the grocery store for a month or three.  BUT, I know there are better options out there and the availability so off to the grocery store I trot.  

 

And we know that it is beneficial to little brains to hear reading aloud, sing songs, play, do different activities, cut, paste, yada, yada, yada.

Back in the day little Junior wouldn't have done any of these things 'cept follow Mama around in the garden with one of his two outfits and his only toy.  Never mind 'bout book learnin' 'til he was about 7 and could go off to school.  Never mind about expanding his little mind or doing special activities, kwim?

 

I think blogs make free time and down time seem like a normal thing, but they aren't.  In the day Mama would have had ZERO free time, not even for a forum.  Magazines probably would have been the equivalent and Ladies Home Journal and Good Housekeeping came about around the late 1800s.  And even then I'm sure they were 1) quite the treat and 2) devoted to caretaking.

 

In my own mind, personally, I think it is that our (as in stay at home mothers)  work is now dis-satisfying / unfulfilling.  We get food but we didn't nurture it, we buy clothes, but we didn't make them, we don't foster/nurture/create.  We buy.  

 

We have our first really big garden in years.  I do NOT like to cook.  I am not one of the happy homemakers who takes great pride in creating a five course meal.  More power to ya'all but I eat to live.  I LOVE food, especially stuff I didn't have to work over a hot stove to prepare, but I just find it to be so much effort for a 20 minute meal.  Rinse. Repeat.   But I am finding that I deeply enjoy preparing things from the garden that I've nurtured and fostered.  It's odd, really.  Or maybe not so much?

 

But I also know that for everything we care for, it's so much effort to simply HAVE.  My girls have 15 shirts apiece.  They get dirty, they change.  In the good 'ol days they would have worn that shirt 'til laundry day.  More stuff- more work.

 

But I am certain the work seemed endless.  My grandma said that before dryers and before easy care fabrics EVERYTHING was ironed.  Sheets were ironed.  Can you imagine?  Her mother came over on Saturday to help her so she could spend the day (THE DAY!) ironing.  Shoot me now.

 

Microwaves.  There were none.

Dishwashers.  There were none.

Wash machines - remember the crank ones?

Dryers?  Nope

Autos?  Feed the horses.  (Which, I'm sure, cut down on the errands.  But, again, no libraries, no story time, no field trips, no random trips to WalMart....)

Need eggs?  Feed the chickens, scoop poo, gather the eggs.  Repeat.

Need veggies?  Till the garden, plant the garden, weed the garden, mulch the garden, weed it again, mulch again, weed again, harvest, can, put away, put the garden to sleep 'til next spring.

Need socks? Knit.  Darn.  Repair.  Repeat.  (Assuming you didn't have to feed the sheep, shear the sheep, spin the wool...)

 

In many, many ways, I think they had it better, more work, less things, but better.  They didn't know about alternatives nor probably even well to do ladies who had help.  There were no temptations (restaurants, neighbors who eat out regularly, knowledge of people who deliver homemade to  your door...)

[BlsdMama]

I searched PBS trying to find the show.... do you know how I can watch any of those episodes?

 

OP...  you are not crazy.  I have four kids aged 7-15 right now I still feel like those tasks take up a lot of my day.  I wonder what my life would be like if I worked outside the home because of how much those things you mentioned take up of my day.  I'm sure I'd be more stressed and we'd be eating less elaborate foods.  I guess I'm in a similar boat as you... sometimes I feel that just the basics take up most of my energy and time.  Also, I think I hesitate to find a hobby or do something that does take a long time because I know it would interfere with many of those daily tasks that I"m on top of.  

 

 

https://www.amazon.com/What-Are-We-Doing-This/dp/B01E6GGYG2/ref=sr_1_1?s=instant-video&ie=UTF8&qid=1468862952&sr=1-1&keywords=pioneer

 

 

 

We just got done watching this series in June.

[mommyoffive]

https://www.amazon.com/What-Are-We-Doing-This/dp/B01E6GGYG2/ref=sr_1_1?s=instant-video&ie=UTF8&qid=1468862952&sr=1-1&keywords=pioneer

 

 

 

We just got done watching this series in June.

I loved these years ago.

 

I can't remember is it ok for kids?

[BlsdMama]

 

 

But for now, for you, Pinkmint: yes, it's a lot of work. We aren't set up as a society to have a lot of helpers. We don't have as much work to do in the past (thank goodness!) but it's still a boatload of work to tend to children all day. And, it will get better as they get older. It doesn't help for now, but this will not be your life forever. It is hard to get through now, but this isn't it for the next 20 years. For the next 5 or so, yes. But it's not endless.

 

We tease often that  it's time to put the maids to work.  (We have the laundry maid, aka, the wash machine, and the kitchen maid, aka the dishwasher.  We didn't always have the laundry maid - she's new since 2009ish.  It could be why I appreciate her so much.)  

 

A decent sense of humor helps but I think children and houses are most physically demanding either A) When children are young and cannot contribute as much and not only require picking up after but teaching how to contribute and B) when you own a lot of things.  I went through several years of having to drastically cut what I owned because the care and upkeep was overwhelming for me.  We have a larger house now and it accumulated (all on its own, roll eyes) more things.  And with things comes upkeep.  I despise it.  DH and I joke that when we are old we will have this:

 

1. Yurt

2. 2 recliners

3. Sets of two - two plates, two bowels, two spoons

4. Wood cookstove

5. Potty

 

That's it.  Will we?  No.  But wouldn't it be great?

[LucyStoner]

The other thing to remember about history is that we are most familiar with the lives of the more elite classes. History and literature an pop culture tend to relay the story of people with more money. Stories and history about poor people exist but their reality is not the dominant image most people have of any particular generation. That said lower income families often had help in older children or unmarried relatives. With all that needed doing it was a matter of necessity. Middle class housewives of the 19th and early 20th centuries who did have help were also quite often working alongside their help (paid or not). And norms about childcare were different too. Mothers today are expected to be far more hands on with their kids than even just 50 years ago.

[luuknam]

And norms about childcare were different too. Mothers today are expected to be far more hands on with their kids than even just 50 years ago.

 

And, in some locations even 20 years ago. See various threads about people who think letting 8/10/12/14yos walk to school or go to playground alone is crazy/impossible/etc.

[pinkmint]

Yes the book I read had an unmarried, unpaid, live-in SIL doing a lot of the domestic work and it was portrayed that someone like her would be very normal and expected in order to keep the household running.

 

It's obvious that they had more work in some ways with the lack of appliances etc. But the vastly different standards/ expectations/ norms/ environments are definitely something to consider.

Edited July 18, 2016 by pinkmint

[Critterfixer]

 

 

It feels like just maintaining basic order in the home, personal hygiene, laundry, dishes, keeping things in a non gross-out condition, directing kids to bathe and other basic daily tasks, preparing meals and procuring groceries leaves exactly zero time for anything. 

I don't know if it will help you, but I long ago gave up the idea that I was "maintaining order." I am restoring order. Yep. Housekeeping is my daily battle against entropy. And since I can't possibly win it, I set the standard, I set the time for war, and I call all the shots. That included delegating where and when I can.

There is no idea in my mind that I can possibly keep the place clean. I clean up what we get dirty. We get hungry. So I cook. I don't cook to keep us from getting hungry. It's just a frame of mind that I find peaceful, because it frees me from the burden of expecting anything from myself other than the best I can give when I can give it. 

It also enables me to prioritize time better. Housekeeping for me is probably a two hour job if you count the chores that just have to be done: laundry, dishes, animal care, food. The bulk of my time is spent teaching school and writing. I simply refuse to fight disorder in the house on the same level of time commitment I give to disorder in the mind or disorder in the plot. This means that things are messy and I look right past them until it's time for me to deal with them. Kind of freeing, actually. 

 

For what it's worth? Things actually stay in pretty good shape...surprising, but it works for me.

 

ETA: It does get easier when the kids get older!

Edited July 18, 2016 by Critterfixer

[LucyStoner]

Yes the book I read had an unmarried, unpaid, live-in SIL doing a lot of the domestic work and it was portrayed that someone like her would be very normal and expected in order to keep the household running.

 

It's obvious that they had more work in some ways with the lack of appliances etc. But the vastly different standards are definitely something to consider.

My husband was like "why don't people wear undershirts as much anymore?" I was like "because they don't need to hand launder and press their regular shirts anymore." I have a photo of my great grandfather at his work desk and he's in his shirt sleeves with little covers pulled over his arms from wrist to elbow. Why? Because he didn't want his sleeves to get dirty from rubbing against the ledger book he was filling out. I don't think basically anyone who wasn't a costume shop has made or bought those sleeve covers since automatic washing machines became the norm.

 

Another reason for people to have unmarried female relatives living with them (usually providing domestic work) is because it was one of the few options out their for unmarried women. Living alone was not the norm or even acceptable socially for unmarried women.

 

That said this doesn't mean you don't have a lot on your plate. You do. The toddler years are hard and it is something that gets easier as they get older.

Edited July 18, 2016 by LucyStoner

[mommyoffive]

They're all separate from each other. Each one is a few hours long. Here's a list of them. I think I bought a few, some are on Netflix, and I think I found some on youtube? I don't know for sure. We've watched them on and off over the years in different ways.

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/listmania/fullview/R2AZTD9S0TEZZD

 

Is this series ok for kids?

[Guest]

Well, reading this thread during my break has been fun, but now I must go back to cleaning my bathrooms... fer realz.

[Garga]

Is this series ok for kids?

 

A resouding yes. We use it as educational material for homeschool when we hit those time periods in history class.

 

The only thing I didn't like for kids: In Frontier House the one family (with the woman with the southern accent) decide to butcher their pig. But the boy (maybe 11 or 12) had fallen in love with and thought of it as a pet.

 

Instead of remembering that he is actually a child of the 1990s or 2000s (whenever it was filmed), the parents made the call to act like he was a child of the 1800s. They killed the pig. You could tell that he was absolutely shocked to his core that they went through with it. You could tell he thought, "These are my parents who love me and they won't take this game we're playing *that* far." But they did.

 

I think it was a horrible mistake. He ran off and hid for a while.

 

And then they made him eat the pig for dinner.

 

 

You'll know when that part is coming up because they talk about butchering the pig and he starts to protest. I'd fast forward through those bits. I thought it was too heartbreaking for the boy. The parents weren't apologetic at all. "Hey, that's life. That's how we get our food."

 

But he wasn't a farm boy. He was a city boy with a pet pig that they killed.

 

Ok--I get upset thinking about it again. Poor kid.

[Critterfixer]

 

Well, reading this thread during my break has been fun, but now I must go back to cleaning my bathrooms... fer realz. 

 

 

On my to do list as well! I get started at three this afternoon and work to 4. Got bathrooms and two bedrooms to do.

[sunflowerlady]

Is this series ok for kids?

 

I watched the Frontier House one years ago. I recall some references to tEA and some discussion of family planning methods of the day. 

 

Also it could be stressful to a child when it comes time where the animal is about to be turned into meat. 

 

Maybe others could remember more.

[BlsdMama]

Yes the book I read had an unmarried, unpaid, live-in SIL doing a lot of the domestic work and it was portrayed that someone like her would be very normal and expected in order to keep the household running.

 

It's obvious that they had more work in some ways with the lack of appliances etc. But the vastly different standards/ expectations/ norms/ environments are definitely something to consider.

 

 

Yes... My mom and dad each had ten (living) siblings.  I say fairly often, "I don't know how Grandma...."  and my mom has said over and over, "Kelly, we didn't have...."

 

And they didn't.  My mom didn't have an indoor potty until she was like ten?  They didn't have knick knacks, gobs of clothing, books at home, computers, random odds and ends, junk....... They simply didn't have it.  If it didn't have a specific job to do it didn't deserve a place in their house.  They didn't take daily baths.  They didn't wash their hair nor did they have "product."  They didn't have oodles of socks to pair because they didn't have oodles of socks.  Sometimes I realize how much work is of my own choice/making and that's when I get frustrated I think.

[Janeway]

The main issue is having a  2y/o. That takes a lot of time and energy that is not available for other things.

But the good news is: this too shall pass.

 

Simplify. Few possessions means little clutter. Dinner can be simple and not take more than 25 minutes. Use the time confetti efficiently. Lower your standards.

Good luck. It gets better.

 

 

 

I think women had to work a lot harder in the 1800s. No buying ready to use groceries, but having to do one's own gardening and canning. No washing machines, but boiling diapers in a pot on the stove. No gas or electric heating, but using coal stoves, cleaning out ashes. No freezer or fridge. Cooking on a wood or coal stove.

Domestic help, maybe for some, but there was a lot more housework than nowadays.

I think it was a little simpler though. Sure, no groceries, but no maintaining the car, no trips to the grocery store, no kids throwing tantrums over not liking what is served, etc etc etc. Think all day long, what you do that you would not have had to do 200 years ago. And all the kids helped with the gardening, farming etc. Kids these days get out of a lot of home stuff that they would have been expected to do long ago. Now days, we pay a bunch of money to do family stuff, and we rarely expect kids to do much other than a token job around the house. I know I would not be driving my children to karate and ballet and swim lessons and gymnastics in the 1800's. I would not go to the grocery store, but we would all be in the garden, or all work on washing the clothes, etc. 

[mamiof5]

Deep breath. LIFE WITH A TODDLER. It does get better...but this "tornado" stage is exhausting!

[Zinnia]

Toddler years are exhausting.

 

But housework and that sort of drudgery is exhausting, too.  

 

I cope by having things about homemaking that I really enjoy.  For me, it's cooking.  I love it, and I throw myself into it.  My mother is also an (empty nester) homemaker.  She throws herself into gardening and decorating her house.  That helps give purpose to the cleaning and the drudgery chores.  You do the yucky so that you get to do the good stuff, and it evens out.

[momacacia]

And yes, the clutter. I "didn't have" and I was a spoiled only child. I didn't have near the toys and stuff my kids have and that's why I'm decluttering. Moving this stuff around all the time is below my pay grade. I want time with my kids, not their stuff.

 

Earlier today, 3yo accidentally peed on the (already in need of cleaning) back bathroom tile floor. That was it, I sprayed, wiped and just cried. Then sat in my kitchen floor in a daze while the two big girls dealt with the 10mo. Poor 3yo said "he wouldn't do it again" and I hadn't said a word to him. And really it had nothing to do with him; was just the dribble that broke the camels back, if you will. Ahhgh!

 

And I have to realize that all kids here all the time life of homeschooling just makes more mess.

[chiguirre]

 I read a book from the 1800's recently and it made it seem like domestic help was the norm and not something for wealthy families only.

The employers might not be wealthy by today's standards, but the help came from truly desperate circumstances.

 

My grandmother started work as a maid when the Great Depression started. She was 13. Her mother had died when she was 8 and her family couldn't afford to feed her when her father had his hours cut. They kept her brothers home and gave them more education but even they were expected to work in the coal mine as soon as they were able. She told some truly hair raising stories about how her employers treated her. No one would put their family member in that situation if they could avoid it.

[KungFuPanda]

I blame the two year old. I once organized and directed a three day camping trip for Girl Scouts, including food and specific themed badges, and those three days were physically and mentally easier than taking care of my tree-a year-old son. I mean, at camp nobody went to the bathroom with me, or tried to touch my food, or cried over nap or bath time. Nobody made a mess for me to clean up or protested bedtime. He was just a tough toddler/preschooler to care for and that trip put it into perspective. It was a ton of work and effort, yet still easier than the average day with m son because I got breaks and controlled the schedule.

 

My kids are teens now. Even though DS is in a wheelchair and relies on me for a lot, it's STILL much easier than coping with a toddler every day. Teens ignore you for HOURS. I actually track them down for attention.

Edited July 18, 2016 by KungFuPanda

[pinkmint]

I blame the two year old. 

 

I think you are right. 

 

While I was getting dinner ready 2 year old found the dry spaghetti in the pantry (he's always finding new ways to reach things) and made a nice big pile of that on the kitchen floor. Dry spaghetti. Impossible to sweep up into a dustpan. Tripping hazard. Fun to clean up.

 

Then with his cooked spaghetti at dinner time pretended to be a digger machine moving piles of pasta to the table. I'm pretty sure he got more pasta and Kraft parmesan all over his body, the table and floor then into his mouth and stomach. So the kitchen is currently as if a bomb went off in a bowl of pasta. 

 

Oh and when I was giving 5 yo dd a bath I put up the baby gate and he just busted through it like the Incredible Hulk. I guess we need to look into those ones that you bolt to the wall. 

 

These are just small examples. He's like this all day. 

 

It's not a necessarily a bad thing. I just had to think about this in light of why I am always wondering how much work it is just to get through the day with everyone alive. Having a toddler tornado and trying to do anything else, especially something like housework is just piling full time jobs on top of each other. 

[eternalsummer]

 

I think women had to work a lot harder in the 1800s. No buying ready to use groceries, but having to do one's own gardening and canning. No washing machines, but boiling diapers in a pot on the stove. No gas or electric heating, but using coal stoves, cleaning out ashes. No freezer or fridge. Cooking on a wood or coal stove.

Domestic help, maybe for some, but there was a lot more housework than nowadays.

 

 

Yes, have you ever had to do laundry without a washing machine?  All of a sudden housework seems like a *breeze* once you have a washing machine again.  Amazing invention.

[eternalsummer]

Yes... My mom and dad each had ten (living) siblings.  I say fairly often, "I don't know how Grandma...."  and my mom has said over and over, "Kelly, we didn't have...."

 

And they didn't.  My mom didn't have an indoor potty until she was like ten?  They didn't have knick knacks, gobs of clothing, books at home, computers, random odds and ends, junk....... They simply didn't have it.  If it didn't have a specific job to do it didn't deserve a place in their house.  They didn't take daily baths.  They didn't wash their hair nor did they have "product."  They didn't have oodles of socks to pair because they didn't have oodles of socks.  Sometimes I realize how much work is of my own choice/making and that's when I get frustrated I think.

 

 

Yes, a lot of the work is of our/your/her own making.

 

We don't pair socks.  All kids work, and work a lot for this society (but hardly at all in a historical sense).  We don't own much.  They take baths but they are not the kind I have to do any work for.

 

I don't have to worry about kids and picky food because I make lots of food available for grazing all day (when we have money) and have absolutely no margin for not eating what is served (when we don't have money).  

 

We don't do much in the way of activities/extra-curriculars.  DD11 has one.  When she turns 12 she can take the city bus and then I will be off the hook for it; same with DS8 (he'll pick up a sport in a year or two, probably).  \

 

 

 

The issue with the OP is really the 2 year old.  They make a lot of mess.  We do indeed have the kind of gates you bolt to the wall; other gates are useless.  Eventually a 2 year old becomes a 4 year old who doesn't make much mess, though, and then a 6 year old who is almost mess-neutral, and then an 8 year old who is more helpful than messy :)

[Ausmumof3]

Yes it's hard work and it may be a little easier now but it can't be that much easier because I'm pretty sure they couldn't have been working more than 14 hours a day, especially seeing they didn't have electric lights.

 

I think what makes it still hard is we have so much more. Yep we have washing machines. And instead of having one outfit for every day and one for church that get washed every week and a night dress we now have clean clothes every day and clean pjs a couple of times a week that all have to be washed hung and folded. Instead of a couple of toys the kids have masses and leave them around. I do declutter but I try to involve them in the decisions as I personally feel wrong about throwing their stuff out when they aren't around. And I can't declutter my husbands stuff.

 

Plus houses are bigger. Families that couldn't afford servants in the 1800s didn't have five bedrooms, two bathrooms and an enormous kitchen to clean. Teenage girls weren't always in school so there was a ready availability of domestic help and nannies that wasn't hugely expensive.

 

So personally I don't think there is less work. I think some of it is lighter or less unpleasant. But in terms of sheer quantity done by one person mums of littles have it just as hard as ever.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Ausmumof3

[Bluegoat]

It just feels like that sometimes.

 

It feels like just maintaining basic order in the home, personal hygiene, laundry, dishes, keeping things in a non gross-out condition, directing kids to bathe and other basic daily tasks, preparing meals and procuring groceries leaves exactly zero time for anything.

 

Anyone else feel like this? Is it my stage of life and kids ages? Is it that I have a boy toddler-tornado?

 

Truly I am ok with these things and even thankful to have a home to take care of. I just can't figure out if I'm more weak and limited as a person or if people who are able to pull off all these things and actually homeschool their kids have uniquely driven and productive personalities.

 

I just sit back sometimes and ponder how the workload is relentless. But someone has to do these things. Has it always been like this? Have women always been expected to do this massive workload alone? I read a book from the 1800's recently and it made it seem like domestic help was the norm and not something for wealthy families only.

 

No, not everyone had help.  More people had help than we do today, but they also had fewer labour saving devices.

 

However - I think that also at that time a great many people, men and women, worked at endless, dirty, physically demanding jobs for very long hours, just to get by in life.

[eternalsummer]

People used candles and fireplaces and lanterns for light.  The difference in doing one manual load of laundry (with no machine) versus 3-4 machine loads of laundry is massive.  The manual load (I have done it) takes 10x as much effort at least.  At *least*.  

 

We don't fold clothes, or hang them.  

 

Our kids don't have masses of toys, and the ones they have, they don't leave around.  I don't see how this has to be any different than it was back in the day unless you want it to be.  DH cleans up after himself.

 

Houses are bigger, but they don't have to be, and I don't know that the OP's is, necessarily.  We don't have 5 bedrooms or ever plan to.

 

Our preteen daughter helps a lot.  She is in school 7-8 hours a day during the school year but is available the rest of the day and does a lot of housework.

 

 

Yes, there is less work now.  There is more food.  People are fatter and exercise less and do less manual labor.

 

Things are easier for men, too, though - many traditionally male jobs (that are still filled primarily with men) are less dangerous than they used to be, and many more jobs are white collar and physically easier.

 

 

 

I don't mean this to suggest that *life* is easier.  But it is less physically demanding, safer (by life expectancy and mortality rates at all ages), and provides on the whole more choice of circumstance and occupation.

[pinkmint]

Yes it's hard work and it may be a little easier now but it can't be that much easier because I'm pretty sure they couldn't have been working more than 14 hours a day, especially seeing they didn't have electric lights.

 

I think what makes it still hard is we have so much more. Yep we have washing machines. And instead of having one outfit for every day and one for church that get washed every week and a night dress we now have clean clothes every day and clean pjs a couple of times a week that all have to be washed hung and folded. Instead of a couple of toys the kids have masses and leave them around. I do declutter but I try to involve them in the decisions as I personally feel wrong about throwing their stuff out when they aren't around. And I can't declutter my husbands stuff.

 

Plus houses are bigger. Families that couldn't afford servants in the 1800s didn't have five bedrooms, two bathrooms and an enormous kitchen to clean. Teenage girls weren't always in school so there was a ready availability of domestic help and nannies that wasn't hugely expensive.

 

So personally I don't think there is less work. I think some of it is lighter or less unpleasant. But in terms of sheer quantity done by one person mums of littles have it just as hard as ever.

 

I think you might be right. Even though we have books none of us were there in the 1800s. It's possible that I'm just a pansey and that women were breaking their backs 20 hours a day, every day. I am probably a pansey for assorted other reasons anyway, LOL. It's just that we have so much more on our plates today in part because of dishwashers and washing machines (the fact that those things are the norm has hugely inflated what is expected in terms of appearance/ clothing for example). I couldn't do many of the things they did in the 1800's if I wanted to. 

 

Should we have exactly 2 toys, one set of clothes and live in a one room shack? I don't know. The society we live in is not set up that way. 

Edited July 18, 2016 by pinkmint

[Arcadia]

Yes, have you ever had to do laundry without a washing machine? All of a sudden housework seems like a *breeze* once you have a washing machine again. Amazing invention.

My parents generation did not have a washing machine. My generation just hung our school uniforms after school to air them out and wear again a few days later. So three sets of school uniforms to handwash per week.

 

We don't vacuum rugs either, just hang them on balcony rails to sun.

 

If our white school shoes were dirty, colouring with blackboard chalk before flag raising morning assembly does the trick.

 

With modern conveniences like the clothes dryer and the microwave, expectations do go up.

 

ETA:

My SIL bought a clothes dryer because it was either that or buy more sets of air force uniform for raining seasons. When she first started, dryer wasn't as common.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Arcadia

[Ausmumof3]

I think you might be right. Even though we have books none of us were there in the 1800s. It's possible that I'm just a pansey and that women were breaking their backs 20 hours a day, every day. I am probably a pansey for assorted other reasons anyway, LOL. It's just that we have so much more on our plates today in part because of dishwashers and washing machines (the fact that those things are the norm has hugely inflated what is expected in terms of appearance/ clothing for example). I couldn't do many of the things they did in the 1800's if I wanted to.

 

Should we have exactly 2 toys, one set of clothes and live in a one room shack? I don't know. The society we live in is not set up that way.

Yep you still have to live to a standard that other people seem acceptable. This is hard if your circumstances are tighter than others for whatever reason so you have less available money to spend on stuff that makes stuff easier.

 

I agree that less people die young from disease or starvation.

[Ausmumof3]

People used candles and fireplaces and lanterns for light. The difference in doing one manual load of laundry (with no machine) versus 3-4 machine loads of laundry is massive. The manual load (I have done it) takes 10x as much effort at least. At *least*.

 

We don't fold clothes, or hang them.

 

Our kids don't have masses of toys, and the ones they have, they don't leave around. I don't see how this has to be any different than it was back in the day unless you want it to be. DH cleans up after himself.

 

Houses are bigger, but they don't have to be, and I don't know that the OP's is, necessarily. We don't have 5 bedrooms or ever plan to.

 

Our preteen daughter helps a lot. She is in school 7-8 hours a day during the school year but is available the rest of the day and does a lot of housework.

 

 

Yes, there is less work now. There is more food. People are fatter and exercise less and do less manual labor.

 

Things are easier for men, too, though - many traditionally male jobs (that are still filled primarily with men) are less dangerous than they used to be, and many more jobs are white collar and physically easier.

 

 

 

I don't mean this to suggest that *life* is easier. But it is less physically demanding, safer (by life expectancy and mortality rates at all ages), and provides on the whole more choice of circumstance and occupation.

I've caravanned for eight weeks and hand washed and it was easier because ya know - camping. The kids ran around like little grubs.

 

There's no question that some people in history have had it way harder but I don't think everyone alive today is living in the lap of luxury either. My dh still works long hours at a physical job. As do many other men. Men who can't retire at 70 whatever the government thinks because their bodies won't be capable of the work they do now by that age.

[pinkmint]

I'm guessing that one "time saving advantage" they had in generations past was simplicity. 

 

Things today are easier in some ways now but also much more complicated in some ways.

[regentrude]

I think you might be right. Even though we have books none of us were there in the 1800s. It's possible that I'm just a pansey and that women were breaking their backs 20 hours a day, every day. I am probably a pansey for assorted other reasons anyway, LOL. It's just that we have so much more on our plates today in part because of dishwashers and washing machines (the fact that those things are the norm has hugely inflated what is expected in terms of appearance/ clothing for example). 

 

I do not think we have "so much more on our plates". Doing laundry in a  washing machine takes 5 minutes to throw things into the washer and 5 minutes to take them out; for the rest of the time the machine works. You can do many times as much laundry as back than and still not have near the backbreaking work that is doing laundry by hand in a tub.

How does the dishwasher create extra work? Loading and unloading takes far less time than doing dishes by hand.

 

I have not lived in the 1800s, but I remember the household tasks that were there when I grew up and when I was a young adult in my own apartment. Heating alone was a time consuming chore: start the day early in the morning by emptying the ash from the ovens and carrying it down three flights of stairs. Carry coal buckets up the stairs from the cellar. Start the fire in the oven, which would be warm several hours later. Oh, and the dirt this created everywhere! A lot more cleaning was necessary to get rid of ash and coal dust in the living room.

Now, you turn a knob on the thermostat, or if it's programmed don't have to do even that to have a clean source of heat that generates no dirt whatsoever in the house.

 

No way do I have "more on my plate" than my grandmothers did.

[Bluegoat]

I think people do have more on their plates in some ways.

 

Our standards for many kinds of activities have changed.  Our expected availability for things has changed.  Things like electric lights mean we expect to work late, or do things other than sleep.  The level of cleanliness, even fashion-forwardness, expected, has gone up. 

 

Child rearing has become much more intensive.

 

The amount of stuff we have makes a significant difference I think.  I don't have to spend a whole day each week on back-breaking laundry.  But I do have to do a load at least every day, because we wash more, and more than that, we have so very many more clothes.  If I bunched that into one day, it would be a job that took up a good part of a day.

[KungFuPanda]

I think we have it much easier based solely on the fact that we view washing and drying clothes in a machine as a dreaded chore. It's very light work compared to the past. We also have time to argue about this online. In the past, people just didn't take the long breaks that we do. Women were perpetually in motion. If they needed to sit, they'd pick up their sewing or nurse a baby. They didn't just work longer hours, the did more physically demanding jobs. Carrying water and firewood took time and muscle. No convenience foods ever unless you counted buying sugar over harvesting honey. Now we have gyms just to give us enough exercise to burn off our abundance of food. Still, I'm willing to vet we're so much weaker physically that we just think we're doing more.

 

My great grandparents were subsistance farmers with a huge family. All my life I've heard how they live. I'm more physically active than most women my age and I KNOW I'm more sedentary than the average woman before 1950 at least. They'd just spend time and muscle on things we refuse to do. I have washed clothes by hand a few times in my adult life. My mother did it for months at a time on occasion. My grandmother had a wringer washer. Her mother used the river. That's just ONE chore.

[foxbridgeacademy]

IME it is absolutely this stage of life.  I have teens now and have so much time on my hands, some days, I'm considering a part time job because of boredom.  My teens clean their own rooms, do their own laundry, unload the dishwasher, mow the yard, help clean the kitchen once in awhile, take out the trash, clean their own bathrooms, and occasionally help with a "deep clean" of the house (aka company is coming).