Asking guests to bring wine?

[Familia]

Hello,

We often entertain* or, rather, have friends and acquaintances over for dinner with their families.  Usually, they will ask if they can contribute to the meal.  Since we like to offer wine, but often have none in the house, I usually send dh out for some last minute.  This time it isn't possible, and I know this couple likes wine.  Is it against some social etiquette to ask them to bring wine?  Has always been on my personal 'don't do' list unless I know them very well, but maybe I am wrong?

 

*BTW, I had seen the entertain/share meal distinction in The Well Trained Mind by Jessie.  I think of them as the same thing...or maybe I hang around the wrong crowd ;)

[Spryte]

I would. :)

 

We entertain a lot, and usually when someone asks if they can bring something I say it's not necessary.

 

But if you're out of wine this time, and they ask, I'd say sure! Can you grab a bottle of wine on the way?

[SKL]

We do.  We don't drink but we are fine with people drinking wine at our parties.  It is more fun if different people bring different wines and they can try different ones.  If it was up to me, I would have no idea what to buy.  :P  Generally we have some unopened bottles at the end, so we save them for a future party.

[marbel]

Sure, it's fine to ask someone to bring a bottle of wine if they ask what they can bring, or if it's understood that people are to bring something.  I know some folks who always bring a bottle, asked-for or not. 

 

I'm wondering how the distinction between entertaining and sharing a meal comes up in TWTM.  I've read the book, but don't remember that!

[MrsMommy]

I can't say I'm speaking from proper etiquette, but here's what I do. Let's say, for example, that a friend of ours who really likes craft beer is coming over. And I have nothing in the house and no time or money to buy something before he comes over. I have no problem saying to him, "If you'd like beer with our meal, feel free to bring it along."

 

But he's a close friend (really, like dh's brother), so etiquette doesn't really come into play. But in my experience, people ask what they can bring, or like to bring something anyway, so this gives them an idea of what would be welcome, without specifically assigning it, or even directly asking for it.

[Familia]

Thanks for the replies!  I usually ask for salad or dessert -- can always use those & no big deal if I have to save what I had planned.  Dh wants to go ahead and pick up a box of wine to have on hand, which we try to do every once in a while and ask for the standard food...I guess he has the same idea that I do.  I really think it is funny how we have these little 'ideas' of our own and where do they come from?

 

About the WTM/Jessie comment.  I believe it was in the 'Kitchen Table School or Why Home Educate' chapter or another of equal discussion.  She was describing how to get by on less income, I believe.

[Farrar]

Absolutely. If people ask if they can bring anything, I think it's always fine to give them something to bring. And I don't think wine is worse than anything else. I usually say something like, you really don't have to bring anything, but if you want to you could bring ____.

 

It's awkward for us that wine is such a common host gift. We don't keep it in the house because dh is an alcoholic. I can't tell you how many times I've been stuck with a bottle that I then have to find a way to regift to someone else...

[regentrude]

No problem. If guests ask what they can bring, asking them to bring some of wine makes it much easier for them than asking them to prepare a dish.

You should let them know what you plan to serve, though, so they can select a matching wine.

 

If I am invited to dinner and been told not to bring anything, I bring a bottle of wine anyway. It is up to the host whether they wish to serve or save it. I would not bring unsolicited food, but wine, always. I know my friends all drink wine and nobody is an alcoholic; I would obviously not gift wine to a family where I know there are struggles.

 

ETA: I don't understand the distinction between entertaining and sharing a meal.

Edited June 4, 2016 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

It's a particularly good request because it's easy and not that expensive.

 

 

[Guest]

I'm sorry to be the one to point this out but if your friends don't just automatically travel with wine, you need new friends, sugar.

[Carol in Cal.]

I ask people to bring wine if they offer to bring something, especially if I know they are pressed for time or dislike cooking.

 

But I also keep some wine around to serve.

 

When I'm looking for a hostess gift, it's not usually a wine.  Often it's a block or two of some gourmet cheese, or maybe a decorative wine stopper, or maybe something that reflects a common interest.  I have collected some of those really long pine cones from sugar pines, and this fall I plan to bake the pitch out of them and decorate them with bows of very wide, wire-edged ribbon and some tiny ornaments.  Those will make excellent hostess gifts and will be completely unique, unless I go over the top and they turn out so nice that I end up saving them for Christmas presents.  But these are for people who I don't offer to bring food to, which is usually what I do.

[regentrude]

When I'm looking for a hostess gift, it's not usually a wine.  Often it's a block or two of some gourmet cheese, or maybe a decorative wine stopper, or maybe something that reflects a common interest.  I have collected some of those really long pine cones from sugar pines, and this fall I plan to bake the pitch out of them and decorate them with bows of very wide, wire-edged ribbon and some tiny ornaments.  Those will make excellent hostess gifts and will be completely unique, unless I go over the top and they turn out so nice that I end up saving them for Christmas presents.  But these are for people who I don't offer to bring food to, which is usually what I do.

 

I am sure those are absolutely lovely... but to be honest, I'd rather get a hostess gift that does not take up space or gathers dust, but that is consumed and then GONE :) But we are minimalists like that....

Gourmet cheese sounds heavenly... alas, it would mean the person had to drive 200 miles to acquire it, so it'd be really special ;)

Edited June 4, 2016 by regentrude

[Guest]

We are ALWAYS asked to bring wine. My dh has excellent taste in wines and everyone knows it. I am so thankful because I don't have to cook it.

 

Last party, we were asked to bring something gluten-free (esp. because of my dh). Wine is gluten- AND dairy-free.

[FaithManor]

It is fine. Now that said, beggars can't be choosers. I was once had a couple bring wine to dinner and it was awful I could hardly choke it down. Turns out it was homemade wine which in my book wad moonshine made with a side of grapes!! LoL

[heartlikealion]

I don't like wine, but I think it's a common thing to bring to a dinner. My only problem is I don't know what to buy/how much to spend and I'd be leaning on dh for the answer to that. They are regular drinkers of wine, so they probably would just buy whatever they like/what is in their budget.

[Alessandra]

A particularly thoughtful guest once brought be a superb olive oil and aged balsamic vinegar. Perfect! The cheese idea is lovely too. I agree about not wanting more non-consumable stuff.

 

Wine is nice, but if I have a wine pairing worked out, I don't necessarily want to have to drink the gift wine at that meal.

[Caroline]

I always bring wine. My friends always bring wine. Well, I have one friend that shows up with a scotch and soda. But everyone else always brings wine.

[FaithManor]

Scotch and soda??? Tsk tsk tsk tsk :D

 

Now Mai Tais or Margaritas??? Welcome to my humble abode, kick back and stay a while.

[Haiku]

We're frequently asked to bring good beer when visiting friends. I see nothing at all wrong with asking them to bring wine.

[lmrich]

it is fine.

 

[Carol in Cal.]

A particularly thoughtful guest once brought be a superb olive oil and aged balsamic vinegar. Perfect! The cheese idea is lovely too. I agree about not wanting more non-consumable stuff.

 

Wine is nice, but if I have a wine pairing worked out, I don't necessarily want to have to drink the gift wine at that meal.

Well, if someone brings wine as a hostess gift, you are under no obligation to serve it with dinner.  

[Carol in Cal.]

I am sure those are absolutely lovely... but to be honest, I'd rather get a hostess gift that does not take up space or gathers dust, but that is consumed and then GONE :) But we are minimalists like that....

Gourmet cheese sounds heavenly... alas, it would mean the person had to drive 200 miles to acquire it, so it'd be really special ;)

Glad I don't live there!  I'd go into cheese withdrawal for sure!

[SparklyUnicorn]

I am sure those are absolutely lovely... but to be honest, I'd rather get a hostess gift that does not take up space or gathers dust, but that is consumed and then GONE :) But we are minimalists like that....

Gourmet cheese sounds heavenly... alas, it would mean the person had to drive 200 miles to acquire it, so it'd be really special ;)

 

Ah that is the one area in which we luck out.  We have crappy produce, but lots and lots of cheese makers/farms. 

 

Still crazy expensive, but good.

[ktgrok]

If they are good enough friends that you can serve a boxed wine, they are good enough friends to ask to pick up wine. (not knocking boxed wine, I know some are good, but it implies this isn't a formal gathering with the boss or something.)

[regentrude]

Glad I don't live there!  I'd go into cheese withdrawal for sure!

 

To be fair, it has gotten a lot better in the past 15 years. We can now buy an edible Camembert and a Jarlsberg in town; around six years ago, Aldi began carrying fresh Mozzarella (which is only five times as expensive as the one back home and not ten times as Kroeger's one), and around Christmas they have some Manchego and other imported cheeses. So at least not just the mainstream domestic plastic cheeses. But for truly good cheese, we have to drive to the city.. and pay several times as much as we would back home in Europe, sigh.

 

ETA: Can anybody shed light on why they don't make great cheese in this country? I mean, it's a huge country, there are plenty of cows, giving plenty of milk, and there for sure are plenty of molds and fungi! Why can the French do it, but not the Americans?

Edited June 4, 2016 by regentrude

[ktgrok]

To be fair, it has gotten a lot better in the past 15 years. We can now buy an edible Camembert and a Jarlsberg in town; around six years ago, Aldi began carrying fresh Mozzarella (which is only five times as expensive as the one back home and not ten times as Kroeger's one), and around Christmas they have some Manchego and other imported cheeses. So at least not just the mainstream domestic plastic cheeses. But for truly good cheese, we have to drive to the city.. and pay several times as much as we would back home in Europe, sigh.

 

ETA: Can anybody shed light on why they don't make great cheese in this country? I mean, it's a huge country, there are plenty of cows, giving plenty of milk, and there for sure are plenty of molds and fungi! Why can the French do it, but not the Americans?

 

Honestly, I think it has to do with rules about pasteurization and the FDA. 

[Carol in Cal.]

 

 

ETA: Can anybody shed light on why they don't make great cheese in this country? I mean, it's a huge country, there are plenty of cows, giving plenty of milk, and there for sure are plenty of molds and fungi! Why can the French do it, but not the Americans?

You live in the wrong state to fully understand how wrong your premise is.

California has great, great, great cheese and cheese makers.

[regentrude]

You live in the wrong state to fully understand how wrong your premise is.

California has great, great, great cheese and cheese makers.

 

And that's all eaten in state? Because I have never seen CA cheese anywhere in a regular grocery store store.

Or are these all small artisan cheese makers that have limited production and only sell in tiny specialty stores?

 

ETA: We lived in OR and CA as postdocs, and DH and I were unhappy with the cheese availability there as well.

Edited June 4, 2016 by regentrude

[J-rap]

If they ask, then I'd suggest it.  Wine is a lot easier to bring than most other things!  No cooking!

[Carol in Cal.]

And that's all eaten in state? Because I have never seen CA cheese anywhere in a regular grocery store store.

Or are these all small artisan cheese makers that have limited production and only sell in tiny specialty stores?

 

ETA: We lived in OR and CA as postdocs, and DH and I were unhappy with the cheese availability there as well.

CA is increasingly a foodie state.  I have no idea whether CA cheese is sold widely elsewhere, but there are a lot of small artisan cheese makers here who are absolutely outstanding.  However, CA is a substantial cheese producer, second only to Wisconsin in total annual production.

[Alessandra]

To be fair, it has gotten a lot better in the past 15 years. We can now buy an edible Camembert and a Jarlsberg in town; around six years ago, Aldi began carrying fresh Mozzarella (which is only five times as expensive as the one back home and not ten times as Kroeger's one), and around Christmas they have some Manchego and other imported cheeses. So at least not just the mainstream domestic plastic cheeses. But for truly good cheese, we have to drive to the city.. and pay several times as much as we would back home in Europe, sigh.

 

ETA: Can anybody shed light on why they don't make great cheese in this country? I mean, it's a huge country, there are plenty of cows, giving plenty of milk, and there for sure are plenty of molds and fungi! Why can the French do it, but not the Americans?

We certainly can get some great cheeses in the NY/NJ area, but many of the best that I have eaten I are artisanal, fairly limited distribution.

 

I had always heard that there were some differences in pasteurization. Here is one link I found:

 

http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2014/08/12/339858426/unlocking-frances-secrets-to-safer-raw-milk-cheese

 

Here is a place in my general area that I have toured:

 

http://valleyshepherd.com

Edited June 5, 2016 by Alessandra

[Mergath]

I love being asked to bring wine or some kind of alcoholic beverage to a gathering. Anything I don't have to cook is great, and if I'm bringing the wine I can make sure it's one that I like. ;) 

[Plink]

I would prefer to ask friends to pick up wine than ask them to spend time making food for the meal.  

 

Maybe it is a cultural thing, but most of our guests either bring wine or beer (depending on the menu and/or formality of the relationship) regardless of whether they are asked.  Fancy-shmancy guests we don't know well bring flowers.

[tm919]

My brother has a "Bring what you want to drink" policy. All he has in the house is water, milk, and coffee, and he's not going to change.

[Muttichen]

 

ETA: Can anybody shed light on why they don't make great cheese in this country? I mean, it's a huge country, there are plenty of cows, giving plenty of milk, and there for sure are plenty of molds and fungi! Why can the French do it, but not the Americans?

 

I have asked the same thing many times.  I can get decent cheese here, but it is expensive and not nearly as good as what I could pick up for a couple of euros at any supermarket in France.

 

The same goes for bread. I asked a French friend who is a baker and he said our flour doesn't have the right amount of gluten or something.  Can't we straighten that out????? :P

[ktgrok]

I wonder if our crap cheese also has to do with what our cows eat, and the milk they produce. I was stunned by the dairy products when I was in Scotland, but then realized their cows are all, for the most part, fed on grass (I think?). The cheese and ice cream was SO much better than what we have here. Maybe it is even a matter of different breeds of cows?

[regentrude]

The same goes for bread. I asked a French friend who is a baker and he said our flour doesn't have the right amount of gluten or something.  Can't we straighten that out????? :p

 

Don't get me started on bread.... sigh. But while the flour may be different, there are many immigrants who manage to bake good bread with flour they purchase in this country just fine. A German lady at the Farmer's Market sells bread that could have come from a German bakery; I bake bread, my German friends bake bread.... you can make quite decent bread with the available flour, definitely much better than the stuff they sell at the store.

 

ETA: you can also always add extra gluten to your dough; it is available in the baking isle. In the beginning I added some, but it is not really necessary if you knead well.

Edited June 5, 2016 by regentrude

[Barb_]

I would love for someone to ask me to bring wine. I'd be so happy I didn't have to prepare a dish that I'd probably get all giddy and bring 2-3:

[heartlikealion]

Dh gave me a piece of organic pizza from Whole Foods (made there) the other day. I don't know, but now I'm worried that for me organic cheese=stomach pains. Wonder if that affects the amount of lactose somehow.

[heartlikealion]

About bread. Taste-wise this flour is yummy.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Antimo-Caputo-Chefs-00-Flour/dp/B0038ZS6PU/ref=sr_1_5_s_it?s=grocery&ie=UTF8&qid=1465093776&sr=1-5&keywords=00+flour

[regentrude]

I wonder if our crap cheese also has to do with what our cows eat, and the milk they produce. I was stunned by the dairy products when I was in Scotland, but then realized their cows are all, for the most part, fed on grass (I think?). The cheese and ice cream was SO much better than what we have here. Maybe it is even a matter of different breeds of cows?

 

Possibly - but I also tend to think it is general cultural attitude towards food. If people would not eat the stuff, there would be no market.

 

And then there is, of course, the ridiculous removal of fat...  low fat cheese cannot taste good.

Edited June 5, 2016 by regentrude

[Tsuga]

Hello,

We often entertain* or, rather, have friends and acquaintances over for dinner with their families. Usually, they will ask if they can contribute to the meal. Since we like to offer wine, but often have none in the house, I usually send dh out for some last minute. This time it isn't possible, and I know this couple likes wine. Is it against some social etiquette to ask them to bring wine? Has always been on my personal 'don't do' list unless I know them very well, but maybe I am wrong?

 

*BTW, I had seen the entertain/share meal distinction in The Well Trained Mind by Jessie. I think of them as the same thing...or maybe I hang around the wrong crowd ;)

It would only be rude if you knew they did not drink. Otherwise fine. Even those who don't drink will sometimes offer and I'd take them up in it. Just wouldn't presume.

[regentrude]

About bread. Taste-wise this flour is yummy.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Antimo-Caputo-Chefs-00-Flour/dp/B0038ZS6PU/ref=sr_1_5_s_it?s=grocery&ie=UTF8&qid=1465093776&sr=1-5&keywords=00+flour

 

What exactly is different from standard all purpose flour? Different strain of wheat, or differently milled?

[QueenCat]

If they ask what they can bring, then sure, suggest wine. If they don't ask, I wouldn't say anything.

[Arcadia]

I was told by local friends that wine is the norm to bring as a gift. Since many of my "mommy friends" spouse drinks beer or stout, cans or bottles of beer or stout are very welcomed too.

 

A friend who host often would just tell her guest to BYOB so that she only needs to buy juice and soda for those not drinking.

[Arcadia]

You live in the wrong state to fully understand how wrong your premise is.

California has great, great, great cheese and cheese makers.

Cheese for my DS11 probably makes up half the food expenses. We had a fun time at Sonoma cheese tasting.

 

My kids tried making cheese as a self created science experiment. It was interesting and messy fun.

[heartlikealion]

What exactly is different from standard all purpose flour? Different strain of wheat, or differently milled?

 

I don't know. This article and then a comment or two from Italians below the article leaves it unclear lol.

http://www.thekitchn.com/whats-the-deal-with-00-flour-108281

 

[Carol in Cal.]

Cheese for my DS11 probably makes up half the food expenses. We had a fun time at Sonoma cheese tasting.

 

My kids tried making cheese as a self created science experiment. It was interesting and messy fun.

I tried cheese making at Hidden Villa, and liked it so much I bought a kit from the Cheese Queen and did it a few times at home.

I really liked it, but it was pretty expensive and spoiled much more quickly than store bought, so I haven't stuck with it.

 

Some time if you're up in Northern Marin  you might want to visit the Rouge et Noir cheese factory in Petaluma.  They have great cheeses, and an awesome picnic area.  And they give a nice tour.  Also, Oakdale Cheese is worth a stop, though not a special trip I'd say.  Their gouda is excellent.

 

I would love to visit the Laura Chenel or Cypress Grove (maker of the incredible Humboldt Fog goat cheese) sites, but have not checked to see whether they have tours.  I just love their cheeses.

Edited June 5, 2016 by Carol in Cal.

[ktgrok]

Wheat grown in Europe IS a different kind of wheat. We have dwarf varieties here, totally different than in many parts of Europe where an older version, with fewer chromosomes, is grown. 

[regentrude]

Wheat grown in Europe IS a different kind of wheat. We have dwarf varieties here, totally different than in many parts of Europe where an older version, with fewer chromosomes, is grown. 

 

yes, I know - but you can still make pretty good bread from the wheat grown here; it is not an explanation for the poor quality of store bought bread.