Why am I miserable and what can I do about it?

[StaceyinLA]

Please don't be too harsh as I already know I'm a raving B-word right now. I'm sincerely asking for help/ideas on how to help that.

 

I've had a rough 6 months or so (actually couple years with the stresses of caring for my mom among other things). Right now I am THE MOST MISERABLE person to be around and I know it. NOTHING makes me happy. EVERYTHING annoys me. Something small early in the day will set me off and it seems like the aggravations just snowball from there.

 

I know I am still having stress and anxiety over the last few weeks with, and loss of, my mom. Even though there were 6 of us sharing her care, with her living on our property, I handled all of the paperwork, bills, insurance, etc. over the last several years. At the end, I handled the paperwork for the hospital, rehab, nursing home and hospice. It has been a lot to deal with (and I know many others have probably been through this and understand).

 

I've gone through menopause and know I have ZERO hormones. I have this excessive anxiety going on. I would prefer not to take meds if I can help it, but will if it comes down to it.

 

Anyone with ideas for some alternative things I could try? I'm open to any and all suggestions.

[Scarlett]

(((((Hugs)))))) I tried to go the non hormone route....but finally caved. Took a very very low dose for 5 years and I am now weaned off completely.

Edited April 21, 2016 by Scarlett

[hornblower]

Stacey, you've been through a lot. I expect you are tired, worn out & still grieving & adjusting to your new normal. 


Have you been sleeping well? (ie not too much, not too little, waking up rested?) 

If not, I'd start there. 

Perhaps something like Melissa Dream night-time supplement by New Nordic 

Or just plain magnesium and melatonin 

(consult a doctor! :) ) 

for daytime L-theanine 

Or consider 5 HTP 

Cut all caffeine out. 

Add more veg, fruit & fiber
Exercise. 
Fresh air & sunshine. 
Meditation. 
See a counsellor 

 

:grouphug:

 

Edited April 21, 2016 by hornblower

[dirty ethel rackham]

:grouphug: :grouphug:  You are grieving.  That can manifest in physical symptoms as well as emotional.  Be gentle with yourself.  I can't help you with any natural supplements or anything as that would be very specific to your health situation.  However, I would recommend seeing a counselor to help you with the grief process since it is interfering with you living life the way you want it.  I'm not saying that you are abnormal or anything.  Just that we all need a little help sometimes and you have been carrying a heavy load for the last couple of years. 

[ktgrok]

When was the last time you had a physical and blood work? I'd go to your GP and describe what you told us. Find out if there is a medical issue that needs to be addressed (thyroid, anemia, low D, low hormones, etc) and then go from there. 

[Katy]

Get your hormones tested.  Get a physical, a breast exam, a mammogram.  Sometimes hormonal illnesses manifest this way.  Sometimes heart disease manifests this way in women.

 

Find a way to work out aggression. Maybe a martial arts or boxing class.

Find a way to appreciate beauty.  Whatever that means to you.

Find a way to be creative.

Find a way to spend time in nature, preferably every day.

 

If you're on hormones, consider going off them or changing doses or brands.

 

Find a way to help others.

Find a way to record and focus on the things you are grateful for.

[prairiewindmomma]

I had some physical problems as a result of grieving. My autoimmune system went to crap and I developed R.A., Hashimoto's and a bunch of other stuff.

 

No caffeine.

Eat well.

Sunshine and exercise.

B vitamins, 5-htp, and magnesium.

Go see your doctor.

Go create something.

Remember that your emotions don't necessarily reflect reality right now.

 

If in two weeks you still feel like you are the queen of B-chdom, go into some counseling to get you over the hump. Sometimes just having a person to vent to (who is not family and is being paid to listen) is a huge, huge help.

[nd293]

Take the meds.

 

Honestly, you're describing me when I was depressed. I just couldn't get perspective, anything went wrong I'd be furious for days, I woke up each day dreading the thought of facing it.

 

I took meds for 6 months (in retrospect a little longer would have been better). It's 10 years later and I've never needed them again and never regretted taking them.

[bettyandbob]

You will probably hate this. Exercise. To start, if you don't already exercise, you will probably have to force yourself to start and to keep it up. But you will start to feel your anxiety and anger cut. You will sleep better.

 

Do that and make an appointment with your doctor. While taking care of your mom you've probably ignored your own health. Start walking, see the doctor and get the OK to do more.

[Crimson Wife]

A Naturopathic physician might be able to help with non-pharmaceutical treatments. I went to see one years ago when I was trying to conceive #2 and having really wonky cycles. My gyno at the time had said she wouldn't do anything until it had been at least 6 months. The NP was able to improve my cycles within 6 weeks through herbs and acupuncture and I was pregnant before the end of the 12 weeks of acupuncture I bought.

[Alicia64]

Grieving is brutal work: don't discount how tough it is. Some people grieve w/ terrible sadness and others greive w/ irritability.

 

I took Welbutrin after I had twins and it helped me so much. It's like the sun turned on.

 

You've been through so much. Give yourself a few months on a med to see if it helps. Welbutrin really helped me.

 

Take care,

 

Alley

[NorthwestMom]

Sweetie, you are grieving after a long, long period of stress. I agree with what most of the previous posters have said. My mom died 10 years ago after a long decline. I've been there.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Also, it is possible that meds might help you process and move through all of your feelings. Keep it in mind when you are considering your options.

[Valley Girl]

With everything you've been through and are dealing with, it would be a miracle if you weren't edgy, unhappy, and raw. I'm so sorry. (Been there.) Would it be possible for you to step away from everything for a little while? Maybe take a short vacation by yourself or with your DH to decompress a bit and shed some stress? Go someplace with nice scenery or things to explore so you can get up and moving in the fresh air? Sounds to me as though you're completely burned out emotionally and need some time and quiet to just BE without all any pressures and demands so you can process everything. Best wishes.

[catz]

I would exercise religiously.  Even if that means just taking 3-4 15 minute walks per day. 

 

I kick up probiotics and really watch how clean my diet is when I'm stressed and/or anxious.  Watch out for sugar, white flours, highly processed stuff. 

 

 

[ErinE]

:grouphug: You need to make sure you're taking care of yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Are you getting enough exercise? Spending time outdoors? With all the care and paperwork, you may be spending a lot of time inside. I've noticed my mood improves dramatically if I spend some time in the sun.

[texasmama]

Your cup is completely empty, my dear.  I experienced something similar when I cared for dh's grandmother in our home during her last months a year ago.  I had help with the heavy lifting, but the burden of coordinating care was on me.  It was heavy.  After she passed away, I collapsed.

 

I spent a summer doing almost nothing.  As much as I could arrange, I rested.  I still took care of the house and kids and bill paying, but I streamlined and made things as easy on myself as possible.  

 

Be gentle with yourself.  Take some time away if you can.  Stare at some walls.  Peace to you. :grouphug:

[ErinE]

I wanted to add my grief experience.

 

Grief can manifest itself in odd ways. After my parent died, I didn't cry very much, but I was very anxious and emotional. My parent's spouse would call, and the sight of the phone number would cause me to shake, I was so angry. It didn't make sense, but anything would set me off. I was enraged, all the time! Or little things would cause me to worry. With time, my anxiety and anger faded, but almost year after my parent's death, I began crying while I was driving (a song came on the radio). I had to pull over and calm down. I thought I was better, but it took one song to remind me. I went to a counselor which helped, but I found it really took time to over come my grief.

Edited April 22, 2016 by ErinE

[momacacia]

I'm addition to all the things hornblower and others have said supplement wise, also add Magnesium. Jigsaw brand makes an excellent magnesium supplement. With that also add daily magnesium oil AND magnesium bath salts or Epsom salt baths every night. It takes a week for me to,feel a difference in anxiety levela, but it does eventually kick in.

 

Hugs for the loss of your mamma.

[FaithManor]

Things that have helped me decompress after two years of constant stress and emergency situations:

 

Going to bed earlier and if necessary taking a Tylenol pm in order to make sure I fall asleep reasonably quickly, eight hours sleep. No screen time an hour before bed time. Which means looking at the clock right now, it is obvious I blew it tonight, LOL.

 

Taking walks alone

 

Diffusing pleasing scents during the day, classical or jazz music softly in the background.

 

Deep breathing when things annoy me

 

Added a D3 supplement

 

And I had a few sessions with a licensed therapist so I could get some things off my chest and get an objective perspective.

[Reefgazer]

Honestly, when the feces hits the oscillator here and I start feeling like that, I hole up alone as often as possible and let time take care of it.  Me, myself, and I sleep, read, and stare at the walls.  So that's my advice, but that isolation might not work well for everyone.

Edited April 22, 2016 by reefgazer

[mamiof5]

I am no expert, but I can only share what has worked for me in tough times.

 

1) Recognize that you have been through a lot. What you have been dealing with is hard, and you are human.

 

2) Natural supplements. The complex B12 is supposed to help with temperament moods.

 

3) Do what relaxes you. In my case, coffee...a quiet cup of coffee does wonders. A quiet cup of coffee while listening to classical music or religious music does wonders for my soul.

 

4) Sometimes I need someone to listen. Hubby, a close friend... just someone to cry on (not online, I'm very private, so sharing online doesn't work for me)

 

5) Try as much as I can to count my blessings, even when it's not that easy.

 

6) PRAY. I listed it last, because I know it doesn't work for everyone and not everyone believes in God. But actually for me it's the number 1 in the list. I pray, put it in God's hands, and ask for His help and guidance. Sometimes it takes once or twice, sometimes 50 or more. God has become my counselor. So, if you meditate, pray, light a candle... whatever works for you, try it also in time of distress.

 

Will pray for you!!! I'm truly sorry for the loss of your Mom :(

Edited April 22, 2016 by mamiof5

[rmtzc2009]

Big hugs. Listening in....I'm in the same boat. I keep thinking of moving to a remote island, BUT, since it's me who's miserable, I don't think even an island could save me. Off to think of more practical ways to get out of this slump....may you find your peace & joy quickly. Blessings

[redsquirrel]

If you were here, in person, I would first give you a big hug...if that didn't bug you. I know not everyone likes to be hugged.

 

Then I would show you my personal stash of the following:

 

Emerita Progesterone cream (available via Amazon) 1/4 tsp twice a day for three weeks, then one week off, every month. That is their suggestion post menopause.

Melotonin

Valarian

Natural Calm magnesium

and I would give you the card for the local acupuncture clinic. I am amazed at how useful acupuncture can be in times of stress.

 

And, yes, get some exercise and fresh air. That will raise your serotonin level and help you feel better.

 

 

 

Mostly you are used up and frayed. You need to recharge and heal in a nourishing way.

 

[G5052]

Ongoing struggle here. We've had constant medical turmoil for over a decade now with all of the logistics and financial concerns. I'm the go-to eldercare/estate person on both sides of the family, and always have something going on there. I lost an uncle that I was close to in June and am knee-deep in his affairs. I also work full-time from home and homeschool. We've had some church troubles over the last few years, and currently don't feel like we have a lot of support there. All of our relatives live in other states.

 

For me my mood is always better when I exercise, have a novel going, and take proper supplements including natural progesterone. The natural supplements are in a continuous state of adjustment because I'm on the cusp of menopause, but they do help. I went to a local OB/GYN who specializes in natural approaches to menopause.

 

I've also had therapy at times, although not recently. 

 

I also came to the conclusion this spring that I need to get out for more adult fellowship. I'm so consumed by other's needs and largely home-bound, that I'm getting unbalanced. I found a local Bible study group that I can join in June that goes year-round, so I think that will help.

 

Ultimately you have to advocate for yourself. DH doesn't get my struggles at all, and I've accepted that. It's up to me.

Edited April 22, 2016 by G5052

[marbel]

:grouphug:  You are grieving, and you are exhausted.

 

What has worked for me (which may not work for you):  rest, time away from other commitments.  I cocoon.  I read a lot.  I walk as much as possible, preferably in a beautiful, quiet place.  do you have a public garden reasonably close?  Sit outside in the sun.  Avoid, as much as possible, people who add stress to my life.  I take some supplements that help me feel better, maybe - it's hard to know.

 

You have gotten a lot of good suggestions for things to look into or ask your doctor about.  When was the last time you saw your doctor?   I bet it's been a while.

 

 

[Katy]

Is there anyway for you to take a vacation alone?  The place that restores me most is the beach. Beach camping isn't expensive at all.

[elegantlion]

Grief can be crippling at times. My dad has been gone for 5 months and I still have bouts of just crying, like when I realized we were nearly out of peanut butter (he used to buy us peanut butter all the time). His death culminated after a few long years of one stress after another - honestly I'm still exhausted and plan to sleep for about a week once school is over. 

 

I found ways to process it all: 

Drive and cry

Visit my dad's grave and cry

listen to music

write a story (writing is very cathartic for me)

exercise

get enough sleep

talk about it all with someone who will listen and not judge

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think you just need some time.  It took me about a year until I felt "normal" after my mother died.  Half the time I felt like I was walking around in a fog.  Up until her death there was a lot going on.  Constant appointments, in and out of the hospital, the whole knowing that she was going to die soon, but not knowing exactly when, making arrangements, etc.  Then when that's all done it's pretty anticlimactic. 

 

Maybe find some meditative type distractions.  Either meditation or something like coloring, drawing, etc.  Something to take your mind off of things.

 

 

[StaceyinLA]

Thank you all for your comments and advice. Some things really stood out to me as I was reading.

 

My diet HAS been worse the last couple of weeks as I've been looking for shortcuts. Where I normally exclude most all grains and sugars, I've been having some sandwiches and sweets. I KNOW that isn't helping.

 

I have been slacking on the supplements. I was doing Epsom salt baths most every evening, and using my magnesium cream, and I haven't been doing that. I DID use my cream last night after reading this, and I AM going get Epsom salts today. I often forget to take my other supplements anyway, but I know the magnesium was helping, so I have to get back to doing that daily.

 

I haven't been out as much as normal, although that is picking up a bit because we have some new baby chicks requiring care, as well as the other animals, so I'm trying to get outside and do more.

 

I need to address these issues first and see where I am in a week or two. I also need to constantly remind myself that I am very fortunate in so many ways and I need to stop dwelling on the negatives in my life. It just always seems easier said than done.