S/O....what did YOUR parents teach you about s@x, birth control, etc?

[vonfirmath]

That happened to my grandmother. When she wailed to her mother, asking why she'd never told her, she was told "You never asked." What kind of nine year old is going to know to ask something like that?

 

Talk of getting it early is one reason I was talking to my 4 year old this morning about puberty. (In context of her brother might be starting to go through it since some might start as early as 3rd grade, and being kind when his voice changes).  And just mentioned that one of the things that happens to girls is they start bleeding. She wanted to know where to and collapsed in giggles when I told her. But I reassured "This is most likely between 5th and 7th grade. But I'm just mentioning it so you know it is normal"

[Crimson Wife]

I went to public school in a blue state during the AIDS epidemic so we got fairly explicit sex ed including practicing putting prophylactics on cucumbers.

 

My mom "left" some women's health book on my bookshelf that included a chapter on contraception. I can remember being shocked at the huge difference between "real world" effectiveness rates and "best case". That was one of the motivating factors for staying a virgin throughout high school. I had big plans for the future and did not want to get pregnant or die from AIDS.

[katilac]

Not a damn thing. 

 

[Tanaqui]

I can remember being shocked at the huge difference between "real world" effectiveness rates and "best case".

 

The real world effectiveness of condoms includes people who usually use condoms, but forgot once in the heat of the moment. Ergo, the real world effectiveness of abstinence ought to include people who usually use abstinence, but forget once in the heat of the moment. This would be more honest - and show that abstinence actually has somewhat less than a 100% success rate.

 

I want my kids to wait... but I also want them to know how to use condoms, and to carry them with them. If they suddenly change their minds, as many people do who plan to not have sex, they'll have some backup.

[Joker]

My parents never discussed sex education with us. I don't feel slighted or harmed because of it though. I figured it all out as I grew up and I don't think it harmed myself or any of my siblings. It's how my parents grew up and it's what they knew. 

 

I do remember a classmate being kicked out of her home until she "took care" of her pregnancy. When my dad heard us talking about it, he actually pulled the car over to the side of the highway and told us that would never happen to us. He told us that we would always have a home and we should never fear something like that happening to us. 

 

I do/did make an effort to talk with my dds, though. They are both very private in spite of the open dialogue in our home but they do talk about much more than what was discussed in my own home. 

[DesertBlossom]

We never talked about it, but maybe I'm the only person in this thread who doesn't feel slighted or deprived for not discussing it. Looking back, I feel glad I was naive about a lot of stuff that my peers were exposed to much earlier. It's not like I didn't figure out from health class in school (in my state we had it starting in 5th grade) and basic biology in science class. And I knew the basics of most stuff by high school. But I honestly feel like at home it really just never came up as a topic of conversation. I just wasn't that curious I guess.

 

My kids have the natural questions when I'm pregnant and we answer them, but I feel like "the talk" is this over emphasised thing that arose from sitcoms. Thinking about it, maybe it started to be more of a specific sit down discussion when birth control became more common and babies and birth we're less a part of family life as kids got older?

I feel the same way. I mean, I knew enough. But I am grateful I wasn't exposed to anything too graphic. The book we read before we got married was still very eye-opening. And it was a pretty tame Christian book. Lol. I feel intimacy is very sacred and I think kids are over-exposed to things these days. I want my kids to know their bodies are amazing and that sex is good... but so much of what they may be exposed to is vulgar and crude. So I feel like I need to be open with my kids because they are going to hear about it anyway, but I hope to teach them to treat the subject with respect.

[EmseB]

The real world effectiveness of condoms includes people who usually use condoms, but forgot once in the heat of the moment. Ergo, the real world effectiveness of abstinence ought to include people who usually use abstinence, but forget once in the heat of the moment. This would be more honest - and show that abstinence actually has somewhat less than a 100% success rate.

Um, no. Abstinence means abstaining. Failure to abstain doesn't mean abstinence doesn't work at preventing pregnancy or std's, it means people didn't abstain. As soon as you say abstinence fails when people have sex, you've rendered the term abstinence meaningless because abstinence always prevents pregnancy and stds.

 

And I really don't think condom failure rates should include people who decide not to use them. That gives no realistic perspective on how effective they really are.

 

ETA: I don't disagree that many people fail to abstain, but to say that a resulting pregnancy or std is because of abstinence failure seems so passive as to be silly.

 

ETAA:  I have *no idea* where my phone got the word Dungeness from resulting!!

Edited February 29, 2016 by JodiSue

[MrsBasil]

Quite a bit. Sort of. My mother is squeamish on her best day, so I got lots of books, subscriptions to Sassy and other teen magazines, notes when MTV was showing something about AIDS/teen pregnancy/sex, an open invitation to be put on birth control when I wanted, and discussions about why and why not to have sex, who to have sex with(no losers, no one who was mean or putting pressure on me, no one who I couldn't see myself being civil to for 18 years, no one who refused to wear a condom etc.).

 

My mom was (and is) very pro choice and I was fairly prolife, so we had talks about day to life with babies and what their expectations would be should I not take advantage of her open ended birth control policy. We talked about marriage and she gave me her thoughts on difficulties in long term relationships. We talked about how awful periods were and she showed me where she hid chocolate and years later made sure I could sign her name so that I could get out swimming if need be or school if my cramps were super painful.

[AndyJoy]

My parents had "the talk" with me when I was 8, and my sister was 6. All I really remember about it was that my sister was embarrassed and hid under a blanket the whole time. I know they explained the mechanics to some extent, but I did not actually know the logistics of how the male anatomy "got into position" until I was a 21-year-old engaged college student and I looked it up! I think my parents expected me to remember too much from that conversation, but I was young and it seemed irrelevant at the time so I didn't retain much except general (correct but basic) impressions. Fortunately I was a cautious enough Google-user to not get more info than I wanted!

 

My parents did talk to me about menstruation, condoms, birth control pills, STDS, and their hope that I would abstain from s*x until marriage for practical/emotional/Biblical reasons. We talked about how easy it is for physical touch to escalate, and what boundaries one could set in that area. There were a lot of teen pregnancies in my town, and we talked about that. My parents stressed over and over that they would love me and help me and still be proud of me, even though they would be initially sad and upset if I were to get pregnant. I believed them based on other (lesser) things they handled well.

 

At 14 I participated in True Love Waits--not because I had a creepy patriarchical family structure (I didn't) but because it was something I actually wanted to pledge. I picked out a ring, and while I didn't wear it much, I liked having it. At 16 my dad took me out for a fancy dinner and a movie, and we talked again about what qualities to look for or avoid in relationships. At 16 I was allowed to start "group dating," but I personally chose to wait until college because I didn't see the point in getting too attached before I was ready to seriously head toward marriage. I met my DH right away, and we started officially dating in January after becoming friends in October. He too had chosen not to date in HS (to the chagrin of his parents who wanted him to have some idealized all-American-boy image). We married 2 1/2 years later (I was 21, he was not quite 20) and have now been married for 12 1/2 years.

 

Overall I think my parents did a great job, especially considering their own parents' silence on the issues. I wish we had had a review of "the talk" later on, but mostly I am happy with what I was taught.

 

(My mom did give me a book with more "how-to" type info shortly before my marriage, but mostly it squicked me out and DH and I decided we'd just figure it out as went along, and it worked ;) )

Edited February 29, 2016 by AndyJoy

[AndyJoy]

Nothing. I wasn't permitted to attend the girls' health class on menstruation when I was 11. My mother was surprised i was the only one not permitted to go.

 

Since menstruation couldn't be discussed, sex was not a topic. Ever.

I attended this, but my best friend wasn't allowed to and everyone figured it out. This made her more of a target for lewd comments :(. She had already been harassed for her very hairy legs that she wasn't allowed to shave and flat chest.

[Tanaqui]

And I really don't think condom failure rates should include people who decide not to use them. That gives no realistic perspective on how effective they really are.

 

Then the real world failure rate of condoms is much lower than you were told.

 

As soon as you say abstinence fails when people have sex, you've rendered the term abstinence meaningless because abstinence always prevents pregnancy and stds.

 

You're also forgetting about rape. Given the percentage of the female population that's raped over a lifetime (nearly 20%), I think that "always" is definitely stretching.

Edited February 29, 2016 by Tanaqui

[heartlikealion]

Those that weren't bothered by not having the talk (in this thread) seemed to have received the info from others. I never talked about the how tos of sex with my friends nor remember any discussion in any classes. Any health type classes I took didn't focus on reproduction I guess. Being naive can have drawbacks like not understanding a joke and not wanting to admit that or have anyone to ask for clarification. I still remember feeling stupid in high school for not quite understanding a masturbation joke. Masturbation was not part of any talks and I had no part of it but got to read magazines that insisted anyone who said they didn't was a liar. I really despised the writers of that magazine LOL

 

Then the real world failure rate of condoms is much lower than you were told.

 

 

You're also forgetting about rape. Given the percentage of the female population that's raped over a lifetime (nearly 20%), I think that "always" is definitely stretching.

 

Well I think consensual sex was what people had in mind (or at least me) as they read the comments in the thread. So I would not be thinking about rape in the condom stats or abstinence stats.

[FaithManor]

Absolutely not a word. She signed the permission slip for me to attend the class on periods and never said a thing after. When I started, I told a teen friend of the family who gave me some pads. Then I told my grandma who was a very open person about such things and she told my mom who then acted like the world had come to an end.

 

As for sex itself, again zero words on the subject directly but if a show on tv or a movie represented an unwed mother they went ape crazy so it was a clear message of don't. I always loved science so sought out all of the medical information myself.

 

With our own kids, dh and I have been open and honest having had lots of discussions with them over the years. They are not embarassed to talk about it or ask us anything.

 

The night before our wedding my mother asked me if there was anything I needed to know. I told her that it was completely inappropriate to ask me that now when I was already informed since she was unwilling to tell me a thing when I was a teen and could have really been helped by a talk or two. I turned my back, she left the room, and she proceeded to do no better by my sister who was thirteen years younger. So I educated my sister.

[Bluegoat]

Hmm, my mom and dad were divorced at that time, but they both gave me good books some time in late elementary school and talked about menstruation.  My mom and step-dad were pretty open about medical things and we had a lot of generalized medical talk, so I picked up quite a bit from that.  In jr high we had fairly detailed health classes about STDs and birth control - I remember though the male teacher was convinced IUDs were no longer in use, and I argued with him and it made him mad.

 

I was probably actually much more private about it than my mom was, she was very matter-of-fact about things like that, but I was a very private child.  I had a few misconceptions that didn't get cleared up until later, I was confused about how seperate the urethra was from the vagina, for example.  But I suspect that kind of thing is pretty normal.

[Bluegoat]

Um, no. Abstinence means abstaining. Failure to abstain doesn't mean abstinence doesn't work at preventing pregnancy or std's, it means people didn't abstain. As soon as you say abstinence fails when people have sex, you've rendered the term abstinence meaningless because abstinence always prevents pregnancy and stds.

 

And I really don't think condom failure rates should include people who decide not to use them. That gives no realistic perspective on how effective they really are.

 

ETA: I don't disagree that many people fail to abstain, but to say that a resulting pregnancy or std is because of abstinence failure seems so passive as to be silly.

 

ETAA:  I have *no idea* where my phone got the word Dungeness from resulting!!

 

I think actually there is good reason to have a "perfect use" rate and then one that reflects what happens realistically.  When they count the stats for real use rates, people who say they are avoiding pregnancy, and using X birth control, count as using that method.  If they decide to switch to a different method or stop aboiding, then that is a change.  But, if they can't find a condom in teh moment and decide to chance it, but are still avoiding pregnancy and plan to carry on with condoms, that is part of the reality of using condoms - as opposed to some other form.

 

I think its important to have those kinds of figures - those real world realities are part of the sucess rate of any birth control method for real users.  And that is true with abstinence - it is great with perfect use, but in reality, there are limitations related to human nature.  I don't see that anything is gained by glossing over the human realities of any birth control method - you can see that in the perfect use rates anyway. 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

There were no direct discussions from either parent.  My mother, however, was quite passive-aggressive and her comments about other people's behavior made it quite clear that sex was a bad or dirty thing.  She gave mixed messages once I began dating DH.  She would call me prude and tell dirty or off color jokes to embarrass me.

[4everHis]

I'm still waiting for my parents to talk to me about s*x. . .  :huh:  I have 5 kids and have been married for 22 years.  :lol:  I think that ship has sailed.

 

[EmseB]

I think actually there is good reason to have a "perfect use" rate and then one that reflects what happens realistically.  When they count the stats for real use rates, people who say they are avoiding pregnancy, and using X birth control, count as using that method.  If they decide to switch to a different method or stop aboiding, then that is a change.  But, if they can't find a condom in teh moment and decide to chance it, but are still avoiding pregnancy and plan to carry on with condoms, that is part of the reality of using condoms - as opposed to some other form.

 

I think its important to have those kinds of figures - those real world realities are part of the sucess rate of any birth control method for real users.  And that is true with abstinence - it is great with perfect use, but in reality, there are limitations related to human nature.  I don't see that anything is gained by glossing over the human realities of any birth control method - you can see that in the perfect use rates anyway. 

 

That may be, but not using a condom and getting pregnant or contracting an std is not a condom failure.  If I'm looking at actual efficacy of birth control, I want to know what my odds are of getting pg if I actually use it.

 

It's like saying that a person got killed in a car accident because their seat belt failed, except they never fastened their seat belt in the first place.  It may be relevant social knowledge for educational purposes to say that x number of people don't use seat belts x percentage of the time, but it says nothing about how well seat belts work in a crash.  They are two different things and the respective stats would be used for entirely different purposes.

 

And if someone gets pregnant or contracts an std, they were not abstinent.  It is physically impossible to both be abstinent and have sex and confusing to be told otherwise if you're a kid who already thinks things like "I can't get pregnant if he doesn't go all the way in" or some such.  Telling them they might get pregnant even if they are abstinent because abstinence "fails" is crazy talk, IMO.  Telling them, realistically, to prepare themselves for the idea that in the moment they may not want to abstain makes complete sense, though.

 

I was replying to Tanaqui's idea that  "abstinence actually has somewhat less than a 100% success rate".  I think telling kids that sometimes abstinence results in pregnancy or std's is just as much of a farce as providing an abstinence-only education.  I think the best balance is saying that 100% of the times you abstain from sex you will not get pregnant or contract an std, but if you don't abstain, here are some ways to be safer than if you use nothing while having sex.

[Leav97]

My Mom handed me a book and told me I could ask questions.  The look on her face was she didn't want any questions.  :)

 

I ended up taking health at the community college in 11th grade as part of dual enrollment.  It covered everything.

 

Most of my info came from 2 friends.  One who had more experience than I hope my 13 year-old has.  The other had a Mom that told her everything.  They were actually really accurate sources of information.

 

I've done the K-1 and 4-6th grade Our Whole Lives training and taught the 4-6th grade class.  There are kids in the 4-6 grade that know everything, kids that know nothing, and kids that are very confused.  

[Hoot]

Not one single thing. I learned about anything sex or personal hygiene related from sex ed in school, books, tv, and the man who molested me for 5 years.

 

Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk

[Bluegoat]

That may be, but not using a condom and getting pregnant or contracting an std is not a condom failure.  If I'm looking at actual efficacy of birth control, I want to know what my odds are of getting pg if I actually use it.

 

It's like saying that a person got killed in a car accident because their seat belt failed, except they never fastened their seat belt in the first place.  It may be relevant social knowledge for educational purposes to say that x number of people don't use seat belts x percentage of the time, but it says nothing about how well seat belts work in a crash.  They are two different things and the respective stats would be used for entirely different purposes.

 

And if someone gets pregnant or contracts an std, they were not abstinent.  It is physically impossible to both be abstinent and have sex and confusing to be told otherwise if you're a kid who already thinks things like "I can't get pregnant if he doesn't go all the way in" or some such.  Telling them they might get pregnant even if they are abstinent because abstinence "fails" is crazy talk, IMO.  Telling them, realistically, to prepare themselves for the idea that in the moment they may not want to abstain makes complete sense, though.

 

I was replying to Tanaqui's idea that  "abstinence actually has somewhat less than a 100% success rate".  I think telling kids that sometimes abstinence results in pregnancy or std's is just as much of a farce as providing an abstinence-only education.  I think the best balance is saying that 100% of the times you abstain from sex you will not get pregnant or contract an std, but if you don't abstain, here are some ways to be safer than if you use nothing while having sex.

 

But what I described is how stats on birth control actually work.  If you want to know perfect use, that is what you look at.  If you want to know what actual use - which includes user failure (I forgot to bring a condom, I don't think I'm probably fertile tonight) than you look at use statistics.

 

And abstinence fits right in there.  Sure - if someone uses it perfectly, they are very unlikely to become pregnant, but the fact is that it has a fairly significant user failure rate.  That is true even among adults who appreciate the consequences.  That is important information.  If you are evaluating a method that has less capacity for user-failure, that will impact our ultimate results.

[zoobie]

"You know how babies are made, right?"

 

I got that Kotex pack too! I assume they thought that covered everything, plus school. I read about sex in the encyclopedia and eventually a friend's parents' 1970s Joy of Sex (whoa body hair!) for the actual nitty gritty.

[Crimson Wife]

The real world effectiveness of condoms includes people who usually use condoms, but forgot once in the heat of the moment. Ergo, the real world effectiveness of abstinence ought to include people who usually use abstinence, but forget once in the heat of the moment. This would be more honest - and show that abstinence actually has somewhat less than a 100% success rate.

 

This excuse makes no sense to me. I have NEVER, EVER gotten so "carried away" that I had intercourse when I wasn't planning on having it. There are other ways to relieve the urge that do not run the risk of pregnancy IYKWIM.

[Seeking Squirrels]

That may be, but not using a condom and getting pregnant or contracting an std is not a condom failure.  If I'm looking at actual efficacy of birth control, I want to know what my odds are of getting pg if I actually use it.

 

It's like saying that a person got killed in a car accident because their seat belt failed, except they never fastened their seat belt in the first place.  It may be relevant social knowledge for educational purposes to say that x number of people don't use seat belts x percentage of the time, but it says nothing about how well seat belts work in a crash.  They are two different things and the respective stats would be used for entirely different purposes.

 

And if someone gets pregnant or contracts an std, they were not abstinent.  It is physically impossible to both be abstinent and have sex and confusing to be told otherwise if you're a kid who already thinks things like "I can't get pregnant if he doesn't go all the way in" or some such.  Telling them they might get pregnant even if they are abstinent because abstinence "fails" is crazy talk, IMO.  Telling them, realistically, to prepare themselves for the idea that in the moment they may not want to abstain makes complete sense, though.

 

I was replying to Tanaqui's idea that  "abstinence actually has somewhat less than a 100% success rate".  I think telling kids that sometimes abstinence results in pregnancy or std's is just as much of a farce as providing an abstinence-only education.  I think the best balance is saying that 100% of the times you abstain from sex you will not get pregnant or contract an std, but if you don't abstain, here are some ways to be safer than if you use nothing while having sex.

Not using a condom and getting pregnant isn't a failure of the condom itself, but it is a failure of relying on the condom method for contraception, and that's where real world stats are useful. If someone is relying on abstinence as their form of birth control and then they get caught up in the moment and end up pregnant, it is a failure of the method. Of course they weren't still abstaining just as the person who skipped the condom wasn't using a condom in that moment. But in the real world, our plans don't always get followed. That's why real world stats are important, they tell us what actually ends up happening to those who rely on any given method. If a real world stat shows more failure rate than you're comfortable with, find out why and plan backup accordingly or choose a different method. 

[Guest]

This excuse makes no sense to me. I have NEVER, EVER gotten so "carried away" that I had intercourse when I wasn't planning on having it. There are other ways to relieve the urge that do not run the risk of pregnancy IYKWIM.

Add some alcohol.

[Crimson Wife]

Add some alcohol.

 

Maybe my fear of an unplanned pregnancy is stronger than yours because even when drunk, I've never been tempted to have intercourse as opposed to some other form of intimate activity that cannot result in pregnancy (ETA: unless I was already in that kind of relationship, in which case I was prepared). 

 

Edited February 29, 2016 by Crimson Wife

[lynn]

My mom assumed my sister and her friends told me everything. They were a idiots. My mom never told me much because my sisters didn't care to listen so she gave up.

Edited February 29, 2016 by lynn

[EmseB]

 If someone is relying on abstinence as their form of birth control and then they get caught up in the moment and end up pregnant, it is a failure of the method.

 

No, it isn't.  By definition, they did not abstain. The method could not have failed if they did not use it.  Words have to mean something and one cannot get pregnant while being abstinent.  It is physically and scientifically impossible to get pregnant while practicing abstinence.  It may be useful to know that many people, when faced with temptation will not practice abstinence, but if one gets pregnant, it is not because they were abstinent and "it" failed.

 

I don't even feel like this is just semantics.  If we're telling kids they can still get pregnant or contract an std even if they are abstinent, we are deliberately passing on misinformation, which, when kids are often confused enough as it is when it comes to sex, seems really bad.

 

It seems way more useful to me to be accurate and say that many people, faced with a moment of decision, often decide not to be abstinent and therefore end up pregnant or ill.  I mean, any birth control method I've been educated on has been caveated with "when used correctly it is x% effective".

[EmseB]

But what I described is how stats on birth control actually work.  If you want to know perfect use, that is what you look at.  If you want to know what actual use - which includes user failure (I forgot to bring a condom, I don't think I'm probably fertile tonight) than you look at use statistics.

 

And abstinence fits right in there.  Sure - if someone uses it perfectly, they are very unlikely to become pregnant, but the fact is that it has a fairly significant user failure rate.  That is true even among adults who appreciate the consequences.  That is important information.  If you are evaluating a method that has less capacity for user-failure, that will impact our ultimate results.

 

To me, we're talking about two different things.  I get the value in the statistics about user failure, however I was addressing Tanaqui's specific wording that abstinence has a failure rate that results in pregnancy or std's.  There is no user failure when someone doesn't do something.  Either they do it or they don't do it, but if they do it and then claim not doing it didn't work to protect them from disease or pregnancy?  That's just silly.  They weren't abstinent.  That's the whole point of the word.

 

Failure to use something is different than the device itself failing.  Vastly different.  This could go for anything safety related (device or procedure).  Life jackets, seat belts, checklists, helmets, condoms, inspections, whatever.  But if a manufacturer is routinely making safety gear that fails to protect people from being harmed, then they need to do a recall or be cited.  That is an entirely different scenario than when the device (or method, or procedure) is effective the majority or all of the time, but not practiced by someone.  That can not be blamed on the method or device.  It's not a device failure because it was not used.

 

Like I said, I can understand why both sets of statistics could be useful, but I see young people hearing that abstinence/condoms/etc fails to protect them from pregnancy or std's and simply throwing up their hands at that point.  If not having sex doesn't actually protect me from those things, and if many people just don't use condoms when it comes down to it, then why not just go ahead and enjoy myself however I wish?

 

I do see the benefit in telling them that many people, when faced with a heat-of-the-moment situation make unsafe/unwise choices such as not using a condom or having sex when they had otherwise planned not to, so perhaps they need to take extra consideration.

 

I do see the benefit in analyzing these things to see how education programs can be most effective or where the weak spots are.  From a public health stand point, for example, I can see why we would want to know how many kids are simply not wearing bike helmets because they don't want to and what the impact is on head injuries on bikes.  However, from that data, I would never say that bike helmets have a certain percentage of failure rate (which was what the post I originally quoted was saying).  A bike helmet cannot fail if it is not used.

 

I just have a real problem with the verbiage that abstinence fails to prevent people from getting pregnant or contracting an std.  That is simply erroneous.  And I think it is used fallaciously in order to say that, hey, abstinence is just as good/bad as condoms or any other birth control method, so we can't talk about it as a superior option for avoiding pregnancy or disease.  But, still the message that abstaining is the only 100% effective way of not getting pregnant or contracting an std is a valid claim.  Even in the heat of the moment, this is true.  Even if someone decides not be abstinent this is still true.

[Tanaqui]

This excuse makes no sense to me. I have NEVER, EVER gotten so "carried away" that I had intercourse when I wasn't planning on having it. There are other ways to relieve the urge that do not run the risk of pregnancy IYKWIM.

 

Well, that's you, and I'm certainly glad to hear it. Other people have different experiences. It certainly would be a strange world if we were all alike!

[Tanaqui]

It is physically and scientifically impossible to get pregnant while practicing abstinence.

 

Not you're not just erasing rape survivors, but also forgetting that you can, of course, use other methods to impregnate yourself, such as IV. Of course, if you do that then you're probably not too worried about the effectiveness of your birth control method.

 

[StartingOver]

My mother was very open, we discussed a lot. I am open with mine we discuss, have books, and videos.

[Garga]

On the way to the orthodontist, I figured I'd mention a couple of things from this thread to my ds13. I realized there might be a couple of gaps. It doesn't embarrass me in the slightest, but he was literally moaning and hiding his face in his hands in the backseat. :)

 

We've talked before a number of times and he did the same thing then--the moaning and cringing. He'll be pretty miserable next time we talk. That's when we talk about the emotional side of menstruation so that his wife will thank me one day that her husband "gets" it. Maybe she won't thank me out loud, but that's ok.

Edited February 29, 2016 by Garga

[Guest]

Nothing, except my mom did give me Dobson's book "Preparing for Adolescence." I am not sure how old I was, though...maybe 12. On the later side.

 

I do remember having a "conference" with a couple of my Christian school buddies where we were trying to piece together the bits we knew to figure out how babies are made. I think one of these friends was a guy. I do remember stating that I believed there was a puzzle-piece like mechanism for how the male parts connected with the female parts. I also remember believing that the male contribution to the event was blood. (I had no notion that there was an individual fluid meant only for this.) I came up with the "blood" belief for several reasons, which are quite logical now that I look at it as an adult. For one thing, blood is necessary for life, so that made sense to me. Also, I knew in animal breeding, we spoke of "bloodlines" or said that an animal had "racing blood" or whatever, or with human races, we might say someone has Native American blood or Irish blood.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Absolutely nothing.

[vonfirmath]

No, it isn't.  By definition, they did not abstain. The method could not have failed if they did not use it.  Words have to mean something and one cannot get pregnant while being abstinent.  It is physically and scientifically impossible to get pregnant while practicing abstinence.  It may be useful to know that many people, when faced with temptation will not practice abstinence, but if one gets pregnant, it is not because they were abstinent and "it" failed.

 

I don't even feel like this is just semantics.  If we're telling kids they can still get pregnant or contract an std even if they are abstinent, we are deliberately passing on misinformation, which, when kids are often confused enough as it is when it comes to sex, seems really bad.

 

It seems way more useful to me to be accurate and say that many people, faced with a moment of decision, often decide not to be abstinent and therefore end up pregnant or ill.  I mean, any birth control method I've been educated on has been caveated with "when used correctly it is x% effective".

 

I was taught, growing up, that one reason to think through situations you might get yourself into and how you will respond is that, once you are in a relationship, your feelings will tangle up your emotions and it will be very difficult to think things through clearly and make a logical decisions. However, if you have decided what your boundaries are ahead of time. (not just "No sex." But "No intercourse, no clothes off, no hands below the shoulders, and spending time together in public places"  -- or whatever your personal boundaries are.  That you are much more likely to stick to them.  I knew that, to me, kissing on the lips was special and something I did not want to do casually. So I decided I wanted to be engaged (the promise of marriage) before I kissed someone. On my first date with my now-husband, he tried to kiss me. Since I'd already made a firm decision, I was able to evade the kiss and then explain to him my feelings. He respected the decision I made (even though obviously it was not the same as his boundary) and did not try to kiss me again until after we were engaged -- 11 months later. And I was able to both tell he was interested in me, and that he respected me enough to abide by my boundaries as well as his own.  As we continued dating, it also led to us discussing mutual boundaries and what we were both comfortable with -- so we were both on the guard against going over either of our lines.  This was good practice for marriage.

 

 

Edited March 1, 2016 by vonfirmath

[Mom-ninja.]

As a spin off from the other thread about hearing from your kids what is going on with their friends, I was just wondering what your parents taught you growing up. Were they very open about discussions. Did they include things beyond the mechanics...like STD, birth control and other related topics.

 

Open discussions, yes. I was told about bc and disease. My mom made me purchase condoms on my own at the age of 14. She wanted me to be comfortable enough with buying them. I also had to put one on a banana to learn the correct way to use one. That was a bit embarrassing. I was not told to wait for anything like being in love or being married. My mother used to tell me that if I didn't have experience then how would I know if my husband was any good. I will say that little tid bit of advice was the polar opposite of what my friends were told by their parents. For the record my mother is not American. 

Edited March 1, 2016 by Mom-ninja.

[Mom-ninja.]

 That's when we talk about the emotional side of menstruation so that his wife will thank me one day that her husband "gets" it. Maybe she won't thank me out loud, but that's ok.

 

My boys have already been informed by my dh how to handle it. "Just get a lot of chocolate and set it down. Then walk away slowly. Don't speak....just walk away."  :lol:

[Princess Ariel]

Nothing at all from my own parents.  I remember my grandma telling me that her mother told her not to come home with a bundle and she really didn't understand it.  But she did go on to have 9 children after she was married so I think she figured it out!

[Katy]

nm

Edited July 22, 2016 by Katy

[EmseB]

Not you're not just erasing rape survivors, but also forgetting that you can, of course, use other methods to impregnate yourself, such as IV. Of course, if you do that then you're probably not too worried about the effectiveness of your birth control method.

Oh my goodness, neither of those things are what this discussion is about. I really did not think I had to make those caveats to have a reasonable discussion.  Erasing rape survivors?  Because my contention is that if you are abstinent you can't get pregnant?  Alrighty, then.

Edited March 1, 2016 by JodiSue