Article on broken friendship - hive opinions?

[Seasider]

This turned up in my fb feed a day or so ago. It generated mixed feelings. I'm wondering what the rest of you think - I'm guessing there are plenty of us here who have been on either or both sides of this coin.

 

http://www.scarymommy.com/i-was-ghosted-by-one-of-my-best-friends/

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have been dumped.  I have never dumped anyone like that. I don't treat people like that.  (I've had friendships that have just mutually drifted apart but that's a different thing.)

[Guest]

Yea, totally normal.

 

I only have one friendship that has survived all the way from Park Day 23 or 24 years ago, and we've broken up and gotten back together just like romantic relationships tend to do.

 

She's very sick right now and probably won't live through the year. My heart is breaking, but I'm not really up for another best friend and am a lot happier with lots and lots of very different perspectives from all of the varied acquaintances that come and go.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Guest

[JustEm]

I could replace a few details and names in that article and it'd be about what I'm going through now. It sucks! My best friend of 5 years just stopped giving a shit about our friendship I guess. She has made many excuses about why she's been distant but when you see the constant Facebook pictures of her with other friends it becomes clear that those excuses aren't the truth. I've had many friendships naturally dissolve over the years but this is the first time anyone has been so hurtful and dishonest about ending a friendship. I can't understand why people can't just be honest .

[TammyS]

I was part of a group of four friends (all homeschool moms).  One of the moms got mad at another one of the group (though she also refused to say why), and so she just stopped talking that mom, and to me.  The 4th mom she was close to, so they stayed friends (but the 4th mom is totally non-confrontational, so wouldn't talk about what the problem was).  I basically lost two of my three friends in all of that, and to this day don't know what it was about.  It makes me sad, still.  And I've never really replaced those friends, because making friends as an adult is hard to do.

[TammyS]

. I can't understand why people can't just be honest .

 

I don't understand why people can't just tell you what you've done that is offensive so that you have a chance to make it right?  I mean, are we only to have relationships as long as we are perfect?

 

BTW, yes, I know this doesn't apply to egregious behavior, but I don't think that's usually the case.

[tm919]

This only happened to me once (getting dumped!) maybe 3 years ago, though there's been a lot of mutual drifting away with other friendships. We were friends for about 15 years, with various lulls. If I'm honest with myself, I can imagine why we aren't friends anymore but it doesn't make it sting less!

[Spryte]

I have been dumped.  I have never dumped anyone like that. I don't treat people like that.  (I've had friendships that have just mutually drifted apart but that's a different thing.)

 

Same here.  I've been dumped once, and it hurt.  :(  It doesn't help that I know, intellectually, that my friend had substance abuse issues and that my refusal to enable those issues was the reason for the dumping.  It still stings.  Years later.  We'd been friends since high school.  It hurt.

 

I've never dumped a friend that way.  I wouldn't treat someone so shabbily.  

 

Just reading that article made my heart hurt.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Hmmm. I don't know. She says herself about when they both got into the busy part of motherhood, "It would have been easy for me to let the friendship just slip into a yearly date on our birthdays and maybe a Christmas card. That was my typical MO with old girlfriends." Sounds like she is not so innocent herself. She was just on the hurting end of this particular friendship ending.

 

I had a very close friend when our kids were little and we did the drifting away thing. First of all, we never lived near each other after our kids were toddlers, then weekly phone calls dwindled to monthly then to quarterly when we got really busy. Imagine my surprise to get a very similar message one day—what had she done, why didn't I call, etc. I assumed it was completely mutual drifting and was taken aback. Honestly it made me feel attacked and just odd about continuing any kind of friendship at all.

 

I bet a kazillion dollars there is another side to this story.

[*****]

Been there (but not done that!) Yes, it is hurtful. I have always wondered too, if it was me, something I said, or did. It is a very difficult situation to be in as you feel terrible.Glad to know (but sorry to hear) that others have gone through the same experience as well. What makes it tough is when your kids are still friends. You still see each other occasionally, but there is this awkwardness. I sometimes want to ask why or what happened.  Has anyone ever done this before?  

[DawnM]

My best friends, never.  We have known each other since boarding school in Africa and have remained best friends ever since.  However, they don't live close enough to get together regularly, although we do try to fly to each other at least once per year.

 

But there is a group of women locally.......oy!  I stopped hanging out with them because they were mean girls.....I can't think of any other way to describe it.  I was in high school.....it is over for me.   It still can be painful to see that I am not invited to things, but I had to stop hanging out with them.

 

 

[Mama Geek]

I let something drift and have been very short with any responses she has sent.  She was flakey and then stood me up when we were supposed to get together while I was traveling.  Should I have told her at the time, I don't know, I was pretty ticked because I missed doing things with other people because of her.  It was pretty much the last straw.

[PrincessMommy]

Hmmm. I don't know. She says herself about when they both got into the busy part of motherhood, "It would have been easy for me to let the friendship just slip into a yearly date on our birthdays and maybe a Christmas card. That was my typical MO with old girlfriends." Sounds like she is not so innocent herself. She was just on the hurting end of this particular friendship ending.

 

I had a very close friend when our kids were little and we did the drifting away thing. First of all, we never lived near each other after our kids were toddlers, then weekly phone calls dwindled to monthly then to quarterly when we got really busy. Imagine my surprise to get a very similar message one day—what had she done, why didn't I call, etc. I assumed it was completely mutual drifting and was taken aback. Honestly it made me feel attacked and just odd about continuing any kind of friendship at all.

 

I bet a kazillion dollars there is another side to this story.

 

I agree.  It sounds like this particular friendship was dying a normal death.  She tried to do a nice thing by continuing, but clearly it was just kind of done.  I think this is different than what some of you are sharing about a friendship that has *something* mysterious happen and now the friendship is just suddenly over. 

 

I wonder what some of her former friends feel about her " just letting slip into a yearly date ..." maybe some of them felt she was actually "dumping" them too, and she didn't realize it wasn't so easy on them. 

Edited February 4, 2016 by PrincessMommy

[PrincessMommy]

My best friends, never.  We have known each other since boarding school in Africa and have remained best friends ever since.  However, they don't live close enough to get together regularly, although we do try to fly to each other at least once per year.

 

But there is a group of women locally.......oy!  I stopped hanging out with them because they were mean girls.....I can't think of any other way to describe it.  I was in high school.....it is over for me.   It still can be painful to see that I am not invited to things, but I had to stop hanging out with them.

 

yes, those are toxic friendships...definitely worth staying far away from.  But, I'm sorry you haven't found someone who have stuff in common with to hang out with. 

 

Edited February 4, 2016 by PrincessMommy

[LucyStoner]

I have only dumped friends for full blown jackassery. That would be two people total, ever. And when I say jackassery I mean the sort of stuff they can apologize for but where you can never really trust that person again. Each time I made it clear that I was done with them. Other than that, my friends, even the ones where I am sure we mutually annoy each other on some levels some of the time, tend to stay friends. I have an 18 year friendship that was strained recently but that was stressful due to mental health factors. It didn't end our friendship but I had to set some boundaries.

[JustEm]

I agree. It sounds like this particular friendship was dying a normal death. She tried to do a nice thing by continuing, but clearly it was just kind of done. I think this is different than what some of you are sharing about a friendship that has *something* mysterious happen and now the friendship is just suddenly over.

 

I wonder what some of her former friends feel about her " just letting slip into a yearly date ..." maybe some of them felt she was actually "dumping" them too, and she didn't realize it wasn't so easy on them.

Yeah after taking emotions out of it and reading it again this sounds like more of a drifting apart than what happened with my friendship which was a clear we hang out weekly to she started cancelling last minute to just not trying to hang out and making excuses as to why without acknowledging that it was all intentional.

[marbel]

Yeah, I had a good (I thought) friend dump me.   I had started to realize that I was initiating all our get-togethers, and I let things go for a little while. Then, one day I called her to let her know my family was moving across the country.  She was on vacation, and said she would call me back as soon as they returned from their trip to see us before we left.  Her daughter was a good friend to my kids. 

 

She never called.  I resisted the urge to call her and remind her that we were moving away.  It was hard for me to admit to myself that she just did not care.

 

My kids were sad, too, not to see their friend again.   I didn't know what to tell them.  8 years later, her name still comes up occasionally - something sparks a memory, you know?  And, it still hurts, even though it shouldn't.

 

I don't think I've ever treated anyone like that.  I've been in situations where the drifting was mutual, or seemed to be. 

[Renthead Mommy]

Friendship in the military seems to be different.  There is no slow getting to know you.  You just jump right in.  You bond over the place you are, both in life and geographicly.  I have left each place with at least one very good, close friend that I keep through the years.  People have driven great distances and flown over oceans to see.  People that are family not by blood. 

 

But I have a lot of other friends that are 'friends of the moment'.  Friends you may talk to almost daily, laugh with and cry with.  But when one of you pcs, you will probably never speak to them again.  And it's okay.  No one is mad, or feels defriended, feelings aren't hurt.  It's just the nature of things.  It is not out of the normal to get an email from that fromer location friend saying "Hope all is well.  My friend is heading to your base.  Hooking you up wiht her for info." And that is basically it.  And you take that email, contact the former friend's friend and you help them out and maybe you become their new friend of the moment. Or you may end up at the same place somewhere down the road.  You do the catch up.  Often picking up exactly where you left off a few years ago (but that also depends on kids.  I have realized some people get into a life stage, where they are literally a taxi service/cheerleader for their mulitiple kids and don't have time for coffees and talks we did we younger kids.)     

 

Rereading this, I realize it is odd, in comparision to my other friends.  My pre-military friends who I've had for decades.

 

My best friend I met the first day of 8th grade in 1984.  We have been going strong for over 30 years.  She did a semester overseas pre email.  We didn't talk for 8 months.  She's a lawyer with a crazy schedule making it hard to connect vis phone/text.  We may not talk for a month or two.  After living in other states and continents for 12 years, I moved back to an hour away.  Things pick up exactly like I still lived down the street.  And I'd be staying at her house for a night to a few days at a time about every month.  It's just our flow. 

 

My other best friend I have also known for 30 years.  I practically lived at her house in high school and parts of college as it was a better place to be than my house with my mom's husband (aka Voldemort).  Her mother was like a second mother,  her sister was like my sister.  But my friend has issues.  Depression and illness that no one seems to be able to figure out.  Not sever, just annoying and basically she doesn't do much but go to work (a job she hates, but can't find anything better) and hang out with her mother and sister.  So phone calls are pretty one sided.  She doesn't really have anything going on in her life anymore to talk about, no matter what I ask or how hard I try.  

 

It would be so easy to just let that relationship just fade away.  If I don't call. I know I'd never hear from her.  I'd get a christmas card but that woudl be about it.  But I won't do that.  I don't want her to be, or to feel forgotten.  She meant and means a lot to me.  So I call.  Her sister and I keep in touch via text, and her sister is good about being the planner when I'm visiting or if the two of them are visiting.  I talk to her mom sometimes for 45 minutes. She gets on and sometimes it's a hard phone call.  Trying to keep it going.  I think she'd be happier if she went on something for depression.  I miss the old her.  But I won't give up, forget about or let go of the current her.

 

 

I had another friend who I was very close with in high school and college.  But something happened.  Something bad.  To be honest, I can't even remember what it was (it had to do with a mutual close friend, who had died of cancer).  But it broke our relationship.  Five years later we were at a reunion and I think she tried to mend fences.  But I couldn't do.  Even then I when asked about it by the above second friend, I could not remember exactly what happened to make it so bad, but I knew we would never, ever be friends again.  Over the years we have ended up in restaurants and such together.  We just pretend not to see each other.  Same thing on Facebook.  We just sort of ignore the other's presence when commenting or part of our mutual friend's posts.

[TammyS]

Yeah, I had a good (I thought) friend dump me.   I had started to realize that I was initiating all our get-togethers, and I let things go for a little while. Then, one day I called her to let her know my family was moving across the country.  She was on vacation, and said she would call me back as soon as they returned from their trip to see us before we left.  Her daughter was a good friend to my kids. 

 

She never called.  I resisted the urge to call her and remind her that we were moving away.  It was hard for me to admit to myself that she just did not care.

 

My kids were sad, too, not to see their friend again.   I didn't know what to tell them.  8 years later, her name still comes up occasionally - something sparks a memory, you know?  And, it still hurts, even though it shouldn't.

 

I don't think I've ever treated anyone like that.  I've been in situations where the drifting was mutual, or seemed to be. 

 

:grouphug:

[Anne in CA]

I have been dumped.  I have never dumped anyone like that. I don't treat people like that.  (I've had friendships that have just mutually drifted apart but that's a different thing.)

I, also, don't treat people like that. Ever. It does seem especially manipulative to ask someone to hang in there and then dump you, so I can't even pretend to guess what goes on in someone's mind when they do that.

 

I was dumped by my oldest friend. For refusing to pretend that her newest dysfunctional relationship was different from the others she's been in. I refused to pretend that her new guy was not an abuser and she was unhappy about it and dumped me. We tried to make up after she had to leave him, but things were just not the same. I gave up on her, because these men are more important than me. Well, the real issue is that I am a person who grows and evolves and she gives lip service to that, but does not want to grow or evolve.

 

I think that's the reason most relationships of any kind break down, one person is growing, one person wants to stay the same. People are loosely grouped together by their functionality. That's one reason I love the board here. Most people on the board are pretty highly functioning and contribute more to society than they take, even though they are very different in many, many ways.

[J-rap]

I don't recall a friendship where I've felt like I've been abruptly dumped for an unexplainable reason, nor have I done that.  I've certainly been in friendships that have gradually faded, usually due to change in locale or just being in a different phase of life.  Occasionally, friendships that I do not wish to fade, fade anyway.  For example, at least partly due to busy-ness, etc, we might be in touch less and less, until one day I'll arrange for coffee and we have a really nice time;  but then it continues to fade anyway due to my being the only one to make an effort anymore.  I think each time that has happened, I eventually see that things were happening in their own lives that were either very difficult or very different, which made it harder for them to reach out and make that extra effort.  I guess I never took it personally.  

 

 

[Guest]

This turned up in my fb feed a day or so ago. It generated mixed feelings. I'm wondering what the rest of you think - I'm guessing there are plenty of us here who have been on either or both sides of this coin.

 

http://www.scarymommy.com/i-was-ghosted-by-one-of-my-best-friends/

I haven't had this type of friendship end, but I have had other types. I had one particularly hurtful turn-on-me friend. That was different in many ways from the article, in part because this woman is in my life and I can't be totally removed from her unless one of us geographically moves or dies. So, it was more like the world's worst slow-Bandaid removal instead of just a quick, decisive end like the article described.

 

I have also had some minor friendships end, by myself or perhaps by the other person, but those are not a big deal. These were cases where I thought we clicked, bit saw some ways that we didn't mesh well and so I let the "just been busy" thing happen until there were no more calls.

 

There was one instance that stung - it was one of my earlier best friends, who had moved far away. We had kept in touch pretty often and were getting together about once a year in a several day trip. But the year the economy tanked, we were going to perhaps meet at an expensive city for the weekend. No firm plans, but we had talked about and agreed that this is ehat we wanted to do. But, it was a lot of money and I told her over the phone that I didn't think I could do it that year, that it was just a lot of money for me at the moment and I hoped she would understand. She said, "Sure. Okay." But I just felt something break. I felt like - she does not interpret it this way. She thinks I must not care enough or I would go, no matter the cost. Our friendship changed after that one call. There was never again discussion of meeting up for our annual trips. We still chat at times, but...I don't know. I think maybe moving apart made it no longer possible to be as close and it was as though it struck her that day.

[Guest]

I could replace a few details and names in that article and it'd be about what I'm going through now. It sucks! My best friend of 5 years just stopped giving a shit about our friendship I guess. She has made many excuses about why she's been distant but when you see the constant Facebook pictures of her with other friends it becomes clear that those excuses aren't the truth. I've had many friendships naturally dissolve over the years but this is the first time anyone has been so hurtful and dishonest about ending a friendship. I can't understand why people can't just be honest .

I hear ya. I have seen some pictures that seem as though they were captioned, "See, Quill? Here are the three of us, still hanging out. Without you!" (It's only from one person, and I have hidden her, but I can't help imagining that was the spirit in which the photo was posted.)

 

AFA your last question of why people can't just be honest - I think sometimes, there is a lack of awareness of what is actually wrong. I have reflected a long time on my worst friendship death and there are a couple things I think explain the inexplicable.

 

One is that this woman, the ex-friend, is not a very self-aware person; I don't think she was ever actually able to say, "I just feel so angry towards Quill because of __________." She just made up and projected things onto me.

 

Two, I relaized that we were actually never a good match as friends. She is an extreme extrovert and "dragged" me into friendship with her by the sheer force of her personality. I'm not a call-people-up-and-meet-up-every-few-days person. I have never done this, no matter how fond I was of someone. But I will go along with it somewhat if the gregarious friend initiates this. (actually, not so much now, but I did years ago.)

 

I concluded that she was feeling anger towards me and about me; probably some of it was because she was grieving the death of her mother and I was grieving the loss of my baby. So, she was all angry without a lot of self-awareness to relate it to grief (hers OR mine), and then just started to be mad that I wasn't the kind of friend she really wanted, actually, because she wanted one of those friends who is always dropping by and calling and texting and going to her kids' basketball games -KWIM? I never was that in the first place, but it didn't become noticeable to her until 1) she was in a bad place, due to grief and 2) I was in a bad place due to grief...if there was ever an ocassion where I was going to become suddenly super-involved, it was definitely not then.

[JustEm]

I hear ya. I have seen some pictures that seem as though they were captioned, "See, Quill? Here are the three of us, still hanging out. Without you!" (It's only from one person, and I have hidden her, but I can't help imagining that was the spirit in which the photo was posted.)

 

AFA your last question of why people can't just be honest - I think sometimes, there is a lack of awareness of what is actually wrong. I have reflected a long time on my worst friendship death and there are a couple things I think explain the inexplicable.

 

One is that this woman, the ex-friend, is not a very self-aware person; I don't think she was ever actually able to say, "I just feel so angry towards Quill because of __________." She just made up and projected things onto me.

 

Two, I relaized that we were actually never a good match as friends. She is an extreme extrovert and "dragged" me into friendship with her by the sheer force of her personality. I'm not a call-people-up-and-meet-up-every-few-days person. I have never done this, no matter how fond I was of someone. But I will go along with it somewhat if the gregarious friend initiates this. (actually, not so much now, but I did years ago.)

 

I concluded that she was feeling anger towards me and about me; probably some of it was because she was grieving the death of her mother and I was grieving the loss of my baby. So, she was all angry without a lot of self-awareness to relate it to grief (hers OR mine), and then just started to be mad that I wasn't the kind of friend she really wanted, actually, because she wanted one of those friends who is always dropping by and calling and texting and going to her kids' basketball games -KWIM? I never was that in the first place, but it didn't become noticeable to her until 1) she was in a bad place, due to grief and 2) I was in a bad place due to grief...if there was ever an ocassion where I was going to become suddenly super-involved, it was definitely not then.

Hmm, I have to think about. It parallels my lost friendship a lot. I'm not the hang out every week person either, she initiated that and I ended up being OK with that since I enjoyed her company, we had a strong bond, and I cherished other parts of our friendship enough to take that part of it as well. But i still feel like we were a good match to be friends. The friendship seemed to disappear over night while I was suffering from postpartum depression and she was suffering from new anxiety issues, so we were both suffering. We've both suffered previously in our friendship but not at the same time so maybe that is a factor.

 

I simply don't know what happened. It was as if overnight she decided she was done but didn't tell me. So I invite her to dd baptism and she calls the morning of saying she can't make it. OK fine no problem at all. But then she makes plans and cancels last minute at least 10 other times. Fine your anxiety is unmanageable I get it, let me know how I can be supportive. But then she is magically fine every other day to hang out with people since the proof is all over Facebook. Clearly,it was our friendship and an issue with me. Whatever. I got closure today in an email I sent her wishing her well and officially ending this chapter of my life so she doesn't have to make excuses anymore.

 

Hmm do I sound bitter!

[Guest]

It took me awhile to realize that my exploded 25-year friendship had truly been s friendship for 5 years and toxic codependency with a mentally ill person for 20 years.

 

Somehow, the "breakup" was still exceptionally painful, even though it was clear that she had become a dangerous person, and in part because mutual friends never saw the full picture.

 

Until this week. Fifteen years later. In a terrible set of circumstances.

 

All i can say is the statement many on this board have as a signature, which is attributed to many people: "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." And don't be quick (or even slow) to judge. It is very unlikely you know the whole story--even if you are in a starring role I the drama. Be merciful.

[nd293]

Because sometimes you haven't done anything in particular. There's nothing to explain. Things have just changed.

I think this is usually the case. But another reason for not explaining what a friend has "done wrong" is sometimes simply that you shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to tell another adult that repeatedly making and cancelling arrangements is not ok. I shouldn't have to tell another adult that if she agreed to split an expense 3 ways and then lost interest that the expense is now being split 2 ways and that this isn't ok. I'm raising kids. I expect to have to explain basic right from wrong to them, but I really don't have the energy to be raising adult friends too. I certainly wouldn't walk away from a friendship over one incident of "flakiness", (or whatever the issue might be) but, as someone else mentioned, I'd eventually get to that last straw, and I'd just decide our values are too different and walk away. It's not my place to change another adult's values or approach to life.

 

I went through this a year ago, and while I'm still courteous, I don't initiate contact or accept invitations to socialise. I see this as "letting things drift apart" as the relationship is simply not worth pursuing. She might see it as a more abrupt break. So it's a perspective thing, too.

[Tsuga]

ScaryMommy is a talented blogger... In part because she has a gift for emotional, dramatic writing and making her life seem really interesting and important.

 

I haven't been dumped or dumped. While I don't doubt her story, I don't think my version of it would seem so much like being dumped as it would seem like we all got busier and grew apart.

[lailasmum]

I've had friendships drift apart but also felt like I was on the end of being suddenly cut off but in hindsight it was usually associated with a big change in the other person's life that I couldn't see at the time and it sped up the drifting apart. I have cut people off but it's always because something happens that actively makes them not trustworthy or I find out something that just means I just can't be friends with them. 

[DawnM]

yes, those are toxic friendships...definitely worth staying far away from.  But, I'm sorry you haven't found someone who have stuff in common with to hang out with. 

 

 

Actually I have, it is just that I did invest in THOSE toxic people far more than I should have and it makes me sad to think about it.

 

I have great friends and I need to focus on them.  

[kewb]

I have been dumped and there are probably friends I did the drift with who thought they were dumped.

What I have discovered is more often than not the problem was them and not you. Friendships change, needs change.

[Carrie12345]

I think this is usually the case. But another reason for not explaining what a friend has "done wrong" is sometimes simply that you shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to tell another adult that repeatedly making and cancelling arrangements is not ok. I shouldn't have to tell another adult that if she agreed to split an expense 3 ways and then lost interest that the expense is now being split 2 ways and that this isn't ok. I'm raising kids. I expect to have to explain basic right from wrong to them, but I really don't have the energy to be raising adult friends too. I certainly wouldn't walk away from a friendship over one incident of "flakiness", (or whatever the issue might be) but, as someone else mentioned, I'd eventually get to that last straw, and I'd just decide our values are too different and walk away. It's not my place to change another adult's values or approach to life.

 

I went through this a year ago, and while I'm still courteous, I don't initiate contact or accept invitations to socialise. I see this as "letting things drift apart" as the relationship is simply not worth pursuing. She might see it as a more abrupt break. So it's a perspective thing, too.

 

:iagree:

 

I have felt somewhat dumped before, but from an attempt to rekindle an old friendship that didn't work out. I wasn't all broken up about it, but it certainly did sting a bit.  I don't need an exact reason.  It obviously wasn't working for her, and that's okay.

 

I've stepped back from another friendship, and I'm not about to lay out my reasons to that person. To do so would complicate social events even further.  Does anyone REALLY want to be told, "Look, I just don't like you anymore, and here's why."  Come on!

[TammyS]

 

 

I've stepped back from another friendship, and I'm not about to lay out my reasons to that person. To do so would complicate social events even further.  Does anyone REALLY want to be told, "Look, I just don't like you anymore, and here's why."  Come on!

 

I think the thing is to talk to someone about what is bothering you before it gets to the point of wanting to dump them.  And if someone can't be bothered, well, then I wouldn't think they were really much of a friend to begin with.

[Alicia64]

Reading this thread made me teary.

 

We moved and I left a fabulous once-in-a-lifetime friend in my last state and one really good friend.

 

I've been in the new state for 13 months and know a few nice people. I keep looking for my once-in-a-lifetime friend again hoping there will be two in a lifetime, but so far no. Even in my last state it took me three years to finally meet her. (Yes, I go back and visit.)

 

Alley

[sassenach]

I wonder if the author was an active blogger back then? I had someone in my life, not a friend per say, but our paths crossed regularly. She put all sorts of stuff online that pertained to people in her life. Not names or anything, but very easy to figure out who if you were at all involved in the situation. A lot of people didn't take kindly to that. It basically was digital gossip. She also had a little bit of a following and it was all very duplicitous. 

 

I can totally see a friend, even a good friend, fading out in those circumstances.

[goldberry]

I had a breakup, not unexplained but painful.  To be truthful, I am now very guarded and not wanting to go through that again.  I've kept people at acquaintance stage since the breakup.  The kind of friendship I'm looking for just seems to be really rare.

 

I have one dear friend of 30+ years in another state.  I have DH.  I miss having another close female friend, but not enough that I'm willing to risk getting hurt like that again.

[sassenach]

On the personal side, I don't think I've ever been dumped in my adult life. I've had friendships fade. I've had moments where I realized that I was the one doing all of the calling (ironically, that has more than once been coupled with the entire phone call being about the other person). Once I figured that out, I just stopped calling and that was that. But none of that was painful. Maybe it's my introvertedness, but it makes perfect sense to me that people can only maintain a few relationships well.