...

[mathmarm]

Thanks for all the advice and feedback.

Edited December 20, 2015 by mathmarm

[Rosie_0801]

It'd be too much if he was expected to take responsibility for all of it, but if his adults are there helping him through it, I don't see the problem.

 

But your relative is right about kids needing to make messes. Schedule some mess making. :) Make mess in times and places where you won't have to spoil the fun by insisting on a big cleanup. Play with shaving cream in the bath. Painting can be done outside in good weather, in the nuddy.

 

Edited December 19, 2015 by Rosie_0801

[Faithr]

Wow, frankly I think you are being too intense about it all.  But I understand what causes that.  He's young.  It is not a big deal at all.  It is true if you push too hard now you will build up a lot of resentment (possibly).   It sounds almost as if you are operating out of fear that somehow Jr will end up a lazy no good kinda guy because he happens to have been born into a pretty privileged life.  I don't know if this perspective is particularly healthy.  It is not good to operate out of fear.  I would just cheerfully involve him in your own tidying of things.  He helps clean up not because he is privileged or not privileged but because that's what people do in a family and to keep some sort of order.  But I wouldn't assign a long litany of chores, just where it is natural, have him help out.  At some point he may want to do it himself anyway.  But imitation, modeling and pitching in together works wonders for cultivating a family work ethic.  

 

Hope I haven't offended you.  I think you sound like you are a good mom but maybe need a little perspective on this issue.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm highly impressed you get him to do all that. 

 

I don't agree with your family members.

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

I never make dd clean up the kitchen after she cooks. It would make cooking too big a job and she wouldn't want to do it.

[Catwoman]

I probably shouldn't even be reading this thread because I can't fathom the concept of a 2yo having a chore list. :svengo:

[SparklyUnicorn]

Although I really shouldn't give advice.  I'm a total slacker.  LOL

 

 

[mathmarm]

Just for clarification we are still very much in the "side by side" stage. But if we see that something on his list needs to be done and Jr. is nearby, we call him to participate and coach him through doing it.

 

For example, if I am cooking and I see he has left his shoes in the middle of the floor and Jr is just laying in the floor coloring, I'll tell him. "Oh, baby, please get your shoes and line them up by the door."

 

If Jr is doing something in another room, I do not call him from across the house and make him pick up his shoes.

[mamiof5]

Wow!! Hats off to you for getting him to do all that. To be honest with you, no way I would expect my 2 yr old to do not even a third of that. But that's me, and if it works for you, great! However, I don't agree with the way your family members are addressing the situation. For me it is too much at that age, and I am offering my opinion because you asked. Can't stand unsolicited advice and following drama from family members, this is your child, not theirs.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I probably shouldn't even be reading this thread because I can't fathom the concept of a 2yo having a chore list. :svengo:

 

It's more than I do in a day.

 

:lol:

[SparklyUnicorn]

Just for clarification we are still very much in the "side by side" stage. But if we see that something on his list needs to be done and Jr. is nearby, we call him to participate and coach him through doing it.

 

For example, if I am cooking and I see he has left his shoes in the middle of the floor and Jr is just laying in the floor coloring, I'll tell him. "Oh, baby, please get your shoes and line them up by the door."

 

If Jr is doing something in another room, I do not call him from across the house and make him pick up his shoes.

 

Is he very tall?  I'm trying to imagine stuff like setting a table.  My kids could not reach the table at that age.

[Catwoman]

It's more than I do in a day.

 

:lol:

Same here!

 

Send that kid to my house -- I can't remember the last time I swept the steps! :lol:

[SparklyUnicorn]

Same here!

 

Send that kid to my house -- I can't remember the last time I swept the steps! :lol:

 

Yeah me too!

 

As long as stuff is slightly better than gross, I'm good.

 

:laugh:

[Guest]

I don't think you are being too hard on Jr.  I did the same thing with DS.  Family helps.  Period.

 

I would have a well-thought-out phrase to use whenever it is brought up at family gatherings.  And if family doesn't let up, leave. 

[Catwoman]

Me either, but I babied my little ones - and I am too lazy to keep on top of a little kid's chore list!

 

I was much more lax than a lot of mums who have little kids now, I've noticed. It hasn't done any of my kids any harm at all. God knows, there comes a time in life when it's ALL chores ( or it feels like it! ) so I'm all for keeping toddlers in a little wonderland of play and good food and books and cuddles with mummy and very limited household help :)

 

OP, I'm all for good habits though - so don't mistake what I'm saying to Cat here as dissing your efforts to get your boy into good habits. We probably just differ on age and intensity, not on goal, kwim ?

:iagree:

 

I also think the relatives are out of line to say anything. He is not their son, so they don't get to make those decisions.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Me either, but I babied my little ones - and I am too lazy to keep on top of a little kid's chore list! 

 

I was much more lax than a lot of mums who have little kids now, I've noticed. It hasn't done any of my kids any harm at all. God knows, there comes a time in life when it's ALL chores ( or it feels like it! ) so I'm all for keeping toddlers in a little wonderland of play and good food and books and cuddles with mummy and very limited household help :)

 

OP, I'm all for good habits though - so don't mistake what I'm saying to Cat here as dissing your efforts to get your boy into good habits. We probably just differ on age and intensity, not on goal, kwim ?

 

That's my thing. I'm too lazy.

 

I bet he likes all the busyness.  Probably it all feels like fun at this point.

Edited December 19, 2015 by SparklyUnicorn

[Okra]

My 2 year olds had chores.  We didn't call them chores.  They were just expected parts of the day.  This is what happens when you get bigger and are able to do things!  Yeah!

 

If you start early, then kids never know that other kids don't have chores.  They just do them because that is what is expected in their family.  My kids were about age 10 when they realized that some kids didn't help out.  I asked what they thought, and my recent 10 year old said, "Well, I think it's weird to not help out.  I don't LIKE doing work, but I can't imagine how weird it would be to not do anything."

 

I think you are fine.  Always keep in mind that kids will never do things perfectly, this shouldn't be expected.  

 

 

[mathmarm]

Is he very tall?  I'm trying to imagine stuff like setting a table.  My kids could not reach the table at that age.

We use light-weight plastic dishes and before a meal, we set the required dishes in a basket on the table. Jr. sits on the table and passes out the dishes, and now each person gets a plate, fork, spoon, cup, etc...

 

Just so that we are clear, he doesn't set the table correctly just yet, but he has got the 1-1 correspondence down and each person gets one of each type of dish.

 

[Alice]

First off, your family members sound way out of line. It's really not their place to argue with you about how you choose to raise your child. And the Cinder-fella comment would totally make me crazy. 

 

I've heard the phrase in homeschooling circles "never do anything that a kid can do themselves" a lot. Meaning that if a kid is able to do something independently they should be doing it themselves, thus saving Mom time and helping her and also developing independence. 

 

I've thought about that phrase a lot and realized that I don't agree. I do a lot of things for my kids that they are perfectly capable of doing themselves. My 12 year old could cook all his meals, but I cook them for him because I love him. My 5 year old doesn't need me to sit next to her when she does certain subjects but she likes me to. Just like I do things for my husband that he can do himself, I do them for my kids. 

 

My strategy is to teach the kids how to do household and self-care tasks and make sure they are capable of doing them. And then we personally try and model a household where we all pitch in when needed. So that means that sometimes I ask my 12 year old to make lunch for all of us and sometimes I put away his laundry even though he can easily do it himself and it's supposed to be "his job". I've never wanted to cultivate the idea that anything in the house is one person's job vs. another person. If it needs to be done, we all work together to do it. 

 

To me your list seems like a lot for a 2 year old but it's hard to see what it looks like in practice.  I do know that it's so easy to expect a lot more from an oldest (or only) child. I am an only and I'm constantly shaking my head in regret over what I exepected from my oldest.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

We use light-weight plastic dishes and before a meal, we set the required dishes in a basket on the table. Jr. sits on the table and passes out the dishes, and now each person gets a plate, fork, spoon, cup, etc...

 

Just so that we are clear, he doesn't set the table correctly just yet, but he has got the 1-1 correspondence down and each person gets one of each type of dish.

 

Ah ok.

 

I think this all sounds like more than it is.  Like I said, he probably thinks this is all fun. 

 

Doesn't sound bad to me at all.

[wintermom]

Sounds like you and dh are enthusiastic parents to a first child. You have the time, energy and desire to invest in training you child in all sorts of areas. What often happens to parents is that more and more dc join the family and the time and energy to dedicate to helping toddlers do chores diminishes - priorities of areas that require time and energy shift. There is nothing wrong with what you're doing. Other people may have different experiences, but the fact that they are voicing their negative opinions so forcefully doesn't sound very nice.  It's really none of their business.

Edited December 19, 2015 by wintermom

[Mama2BugNBear]

My general observation regarding children is that the sooner you capitalize on their strong desire to help, the less of a shock it'll be when they get to the age where they're expected to be a contributing member of the household. I think that if your boy is allowed to play in a "typical 2 yo" way and then you expect him to clean up after the mess or clutter is created, you're doing your child a huge favor and setting him up for success.

 

When you're not around people who speak out against your expectations, do you feel confident in the choices you've made for his chore expectations? If so, buckle down and stick to your guns. If not, make adjustments within your own home without validating or seeking the approval of the vocal parties. You and your spouse are the decision makers in your home, not the family members who speak to you as if you must follow their desires regarding your family. The gatherings to come may be a good opportunity for you to clarify your authority over your own home and their opinion is unwelcome and downright rude. Confrontation is an uncomfortable yet necessary part of your situation, given the details you've shared, IMO. Good luck and God bless!

[PrincessMommy]

Every family has their own culture and how they "do" life together.  Me?  I'm more of a slacker-mom, but kudos to you if you can get your little one to do all those things happily with you.   With 2 even smaller ones I amazed you have the energy to keep up with this stuff.

 

In looking through the list it looks very similar to the kinds of things preschoolers do at a Montessori school, so clearly it is possible for a 2yr old to set or clean up a table.  My son attended a Montessori school in Elemetary and the preschoolers there did stuff like this, I was pretty impressed.

 

edited to add: your family butting their noses into this is just not cool.  I'd maybe let one concerned grandparent comment slide, but to continuously harrass you with offensive comments is unacceptable.   That is a toxic situation.

Edited December 19, 2015 by PrincessMommy

[Pawz4me]

IMO that's more than a bit excessive for a two year old.

[mathmarm]

Same here!

 

Send that kid to my house -- I can't remember the last time I swept the steps! :lol:

There is a reason why he "sweeps" the outside steps. He can't make a bigger mess by doing it.

 

[MomtoCandJ]

My not yet 2 year old does many of these things, it's just part of our day. I think many of our toddlers do these things but we don't list them as chores but " I'm having fun helping mommy" type things.

[dirty ethel rackham]

First of all, I think your family is out of line for their reaction.  But, the more extreme something 'sounds', the more extreme the reaction.  Your assertion that these are chores for a 2 yo sounds very extreme and that is what they may be reacting to.  Or, they may just be loons.  The prudent thing would be to share less with them.  Smile, nod, and pass the bean dip.   

 

Since you asked our opinion, I think you need to ditch the word "chores."  These are ways that your child can be helpful and gain skills in a developmentally appropriate way.  A 2yo's job is to grow and play.  Play is learning for a child.  And participating in family life can be play.  Gaining skill and independence help a child's sense of self-worth.  Some people tend to fall on the opposite end of the spectrum and don't let their children do anything, teaching them that they are helpless. 

 

When my kids were pre-school age, I got a lot of flack for having my children clean bathrooms so young.  (Same family members who treated their kids as helpless, but all of the sudden were responsible for "cleaning their room" or "cleaning the toy room" without teaching them what that meant.) But, what I did was give them a spray bottle of non-toxic cleaner (when using a spray bottle was a rare treat.)  Then we would work together on wiping things down.  They loved spraying.  They learned what kind of messes they left when they saw the evidence (toothpaste on the counter or in the sink, missing the toilet bowl when you tinkle, etc.)  They learned a systematic way of cleaning up the bathroom (not a deep cleaning, but a quick daily clean up.)  When they were older, they could do it independently and I could add that to their daily routines. 

 

The idea that these are a toddler's responsibilities is what I find disturbing.  They are still your responsibility, but your are working on teaching your child how to participate.  It is not developmentally appropriate to make these the responsibility of a young child. 

 

Just my .02. 

[Faithr]

When my kids were little, especially around the age of 2 they loved to help mommy or daddy.  Montessori is all about practical life skills, etc.  But like Dirty Ethel Rackam, these were not 'responsibilities' but an extension of play and being part of the family.  So if I was cleaning up my dd would want to squirt the the sliding glass door and 'clean' it for me.  Or get a feather duster and dust for me.  That was fun and she felt like she was helping mommy.  They liked to help unload the dishwasher too, stuff like that.  They were not assign chores or anything like that, just a loving way of being together and helping.  So I think it is the attitude that is important and not what the child actually does, iykim.

[rocassie]

While I did not give my 2yo "chores" or responsibilities, each of my kids around this age wanted to "help" me with everything I was doing. This included dishes (Probably the most fun and I had the cleanest plastic wear on the planet.  Seriously the 2yo would wash dishes for an hour.  The water, bubbles, and endless pouring containers were great fun.  I laid down towels on the floor and then used said wet towels to mop the floor,) laundry (washing and folding), cleaning the bathroom (the main reason I went to non-toxic cleaners), wiping down the tables, setting the table, putting things in their proper places, sweeping, and cooking.

 

Picking up toys, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, teethbrushing (with them starting and us doing a follow up brush), and putting their shoes away were probably the only specific expectations I had at that age.  Again we were there to help them and mirror behavior.

 

I don't think the list is unreasonable especially give the time it takes and you are there to help and guide him.  2yo, however, may be young to take ownership of all those things, and I fear that as he gets older your expectation of him doing them on his own will be kind of skewed since he would have been doing these tasks for X amount of years so "he should be able to do them on his own, no problems."

[mathmarm]

My not yet 2 year old does many of these things, it's just part of our day. I think many of our toddlers do these things but we don't list them as chores but " I'm having fun helping mommy" type things.

Yeah, we don't call them chores in our family. Its not like "Hey, Jr. come do your chores, lovey" it's just tasks that he does throughout the day. Tasks that we intentionally guide him to do and have been working on with him for months.

 

But I feel like I can't win. Jr is both "spoiled rotten" and "a slave" according to some people. Its very tiresome.

 

Jr. does not want for anything. He has lots of stuff (not an EXCESSIVE) amount, but he does have a lot. Mostly in the form of household accommodations such as preschool furniture, toddler kitchen, a playroom, etc...

 

When a certain relative visits we get snide comments about him being spoiled/over indulged and then we get the double whammy of how expecting Jr to expend effort to take care of himself is some awful, draconian thing to do. Ugh!

 

I'm just feeling frazzled and dreading the Xmas get-together.

 

 

[Faithr]

Aww, people are so hurtful some times.  The best thing to do is to not take them seriously.  My dh's grandmother was like that, always jabbing at everybody with snide stuff.  Everybody just laughed at her and you know what, it diffused everything.  I second somebody's suggestion about figuring out a good lighthearted response and then changing the subject.  Hope things go better than you anticipate.  It might be nice to make a generous gesture to those you are conflicted with.  Be extra nice to them.  That will throw them off guard and make you feel better about yourself.  And that will give you confidence and then you really will be stronger.

[Rosie_0801]

Here's a solution: 

 

"I like my kid and he likes me, so I don't care about your opinion, Relative. Would you like some bean dip?"

 

 

And you feel like you can't win because you can't win. If he turns out alright, they will forget they ever said anything negative. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

Yeah, we don't call them chores in our family. Its not like "Hey, Jr. come do your chores, lovey" it's just tasks that he does throughout the day. Tasks that we intentionally guide him to do and have been working on with him for months.

 

But I feel like I can't win. Jr is both "spoiled rotten" and "a slave" according to some people. Its very tiresome.

 

Jr. does not want for anything. He has lots of stuff (not an EXCESSIVE) amount, but he does have a lot. Mostly in the form of household accommodations such as preschool furniture, toddler kitchen, a playroom, etc...

 

When a certain relative visits we get snide comments about him being spoiled/over indulged and then we get the double whammy of how expecting Jr to expend effort to take care of himself is some awful, draconian thing to do. Ugh!

 

I'm just feeling frazzled and dreading the Xmas get-together.

Oh, boy.  These people just sound mean-spirited. Don't try to defend your choices.  You can't win.  They actually sound jealous and are looking for ways to knock you down a peg.  I think the best way to deal with this is to stick to non-controversial topics, refuse to engage when topics stray to "unsafe" areas.  Smile.  Nod.  Pass the bean dip.  Rinse. Repeat.  (And make your escape when it is socially acceptable to do so ...  unless things become too toxic.)  

[EmseB]

I don't think it's too much at all, my 2yo does most of those things over the course of a day.  No, they are not his responsibility, and I don't have a list, but he loves getting out plates for "the brothers" and finding the forks and stuff.  He loves wiping the table while I do it "for real".  He loves moving laundry from the washer to the dryer and "helping" me fold.  He loves lining all the shoes up by the front door as a sorting activity.  He loves putting the soap in the dishwasher dispenser  He would love it if I let him sweep, he would love it if I let him "do dishes".  Sorting and picking up toys is a game.  He thinks of all that stuff as fun.  Mine gets upset and actually throws a fit if I ask anyone else in the house to do anything for me, even if he can't actually do it.  It's a problem.

 

Two yo's love living life with us and doing what we do.  The fact is that I keep my 2yo close at hand to avoid problems, and so he's either in the school room, or he's with me while I'm doing chores.  He wants to help, and he especially sees me asking his older brothers to do things like set the table and wants to do it by himself in order to be big like them.  They are more than happy to oblige and he generally does a fine job, and when he doesn't I go back and do it myself "for real" later.

[medawyn]

I don't think in terms of "chores" or "responsibilities" with my 2 year old, and my first reaction to your list was "yikes! that's a lot!"  But, upon further reflection, my 2 year old does many, if not most, of those things in the course of his day.  The difference, as PP have pointed out, seems to be in mindset.  I'm not deliberately "training" him to take on chores independently at this point, but I am keeping him with me during the course of my day.  Hands busy helping mommy are hands not bugging little sister.  :smash:

 

That being said, I really limit what I share about child rearing with people.  DH's siblings are raising their children very differently than we are (and differently from each other), and I really don't want to get into disagreements about family choices, when the reality is all of our kids will most likely be just fine as young adults.  I'm already prepared for the train to go off the rails when it comes out that we are homeschooling, but I'm certainly not bringing that subject up until it's absolutely necessary.  So if there is any way to avoid discussing your ideas/philosophies/daily strategies and struggles with these family members, I'd vote to keep those to yourself.  This often means that victories have to be kept private, too, but come prepared with a list of happy but generic things you can share about Jr. and then pass that bean dip.

 

ETA: This is why I come to the Hive - it's a wide variety of people with a wide variety of life experiences and views, who can share their advice or criticism but aren't my MIL!

Edited December 19, 2015 by HOPE_Academy

[JFSinIL]

Your relatives are out of line.  Sounds like you are doing a great job with the little tyke, and I suspect he mostly enjoys being a helper.   I would have done much the same, expect my first little boy turned out to be twins, and by the time they were two the next one was on its way, and I just didn't have the time/patience. 

[Tanaqui]

I would not give all those chores to a two year old. However, I notice that nearly all of them are self-care (some, like handwashing, I wouldn't even call chores!) If your son is happy and content, and gets help and support when he needs it, then you're probably all right.

 

However, make sure that you don't overload him as you add more tasks to his cart as he gets older. If, as you say, every task is up to 5 minutes, then theoretically he could be doing over an hour of chores a day with just this list. Even broken up into parts, that's a lot for a young child. As he gets more capable, you should be careful not to rotate in a new non-self-care chore without rotating out an older one, making sure at each step to listen to his input.

 

Your family members are out of line with their comments. If they're legitimately concerned with your expectations, then they ought to present their concerns to you calmly and politely - or at least start out that way! Jumping in with how you're "Nazis" raising "Cinderfella" to be a "janitor" is not helpful, it's just obnoxious. You should neither "grow a tougher skin" nor "relax your standards". You should set some boundaries.

 

Like so: If somebody up and makes a comment like that, tell them that your childrearing practices are not up for discussion, and then change the subject. This is the so-called "pass the bean dip" approach, modified to deal with outright rudeness. If they keep it up, leave the room. (Alternative method, cribbed from The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense - respond with "That seems reasonable" and then change the subject. Other phrases include: "That's something I often hear, and it certainly is an interesting opinion" or "Thank you for your concern".)

 

If somebody simply inquires about what you do, say something vague and non-committal like "Oh, he loves helping Mommy!" and then change the subject. Remember this one rule: If you allow people to discuss your parenting practices, you're sending the message that how you parent is up for discussion. And if it's not, it's not - so don't let it even get started.

[MBM]

I would not ever allow a relative to call my son emasculating names like Cinderfella or liken him to a Nazi simply because you have him do chores. If anyone in my house did that to one of my children, I would be very blunt and ask them to stop immediately or leave. Shame-calling is not benign.

 

I'm impressed your son does so much at a young age. Just make sure he's not overwhelmed and that others don't take advantage of his helpfulness.

[mathmarm]

....That being said, I really limit what I share about child rearing with people.  DH's siblings are raising their children very differently than we are (and differently from each other), and I really don't want to get into disagreements about family choices, when the reality is all of our kids will most likely be just fine as young adults.  I'm already prepared for the train to go off the rails when it comes out that we are homeschooling, but I'm certainly not bringing that subject up until it's absolutely necessary.  So if there is any way to avoid discussing your ideas/philosophies/daily strategies and struggles with these family members, I'd vote to keep those to yourself.  This often means that victories have to be kept private, too, but come prepared with a list of happy but generic things you can share about Jr. and then pass that bean dip.

 

This is harder because Jr. stays with his grandparents while I'm at work, both mine and Hubby's family is very tight-knit so we don't have to be the ones to say anything. Grandma can and does brag on her grandson whenever she can (Hubby has spoken to his mom about this and she got upset. We don't want to push the issue, because my MIL is fantastic, really. My MIL is GREAT about darn near everything.) What Jr does is normal for many of his paternal relatives, but "alien" to other, less-liked relatives.

 

 

ETA: This is why I come to the Hive - it's a wide variety of people with a wide variety of life experiences and views, who can share their advice or criticism but aren't my MIL!

 

[Guest]

 

 

So is your MIL doing the bragging and then other family members are getting up in arms? Or are the grandparents JR.s stays with during the day the ones causing problems?

[SKL]

I don't see a problem as long as you are laid-back about him getting it done at his own pace and at an age-appropriate level of quality.

 

A typical 2yo is capable of all or most of those things, but not "responsible" for them.  If you have the time to help him develop the habits without stressing him (or yourself) out, more power to you.

 

Of my 2 daughters, one of them was really good about developing habits.  The other was/is pretty bad at it.  I could hold my oldest to the standards you laid out, but not my youngest, no way no how.  And the youngest is very brainy and very sweet.  She just can't develop a habit to save her life.  :P  So, you know your son and what he's capable of.  The reality check should be:  is this stressing us out?  If so, dial it back.  There is no hurry.  He won't be needing to run his own household for a long time.

 

People are gonna find something to criticize.  So yes, develop a thick skin.  Come up with a short answer to their comments.  "It works for us" seems to work well.

[SKL]

And I would not call most of those activities "chores."  If you must call them something, call them "self care."  Much more positive.  ;)

[Murphy101]

I probably shouldn't even be reading this thread because I can't fathom the concept of a 2yo having a chore list. :svengo:

I agree with you BUT

 

None of that really looks like 'chores' to me?

 

I'm folding laundry (bc mythical me does that instead of real me who just digs through a pile of clean jeans and tshirts when I need something) and my 2 year old is the typical monkey-see-monkey-do 2yr old so he folds the little towels and his clothes and tries to put them away. I doubt it is done the way I'd do it, but who cares? Not mythical me or real me. And it keeps him from messing with the other laundry I'm doing.

 

We finish eating and I'm cleaning up and 2 yr old helps by putting his stuff in the dishwasher and taking a wipe to his tray. I probably go back over the tray when he is done and not looking, but otherwise, he is helping and feeling "big". Great.

 

Everything on the list seems like it would follow that kind of set up that is very developmentally normal shadow behavior of a typical 2 year old to me. Or at least mine. Maybe mine were freaks. Idk. I just worked with what I had.

 

Sometimes they didn't want to do it, but as mom, I needed to know what they are doing and still get other stuff done, so "force" would be more along the lines of, "We need to get these dishes done so we can play - let's get your bowl in the dishwasher and I'll finish the dishes while my little man wipes his tray down! 😀". Sometimes they said NO! And I'd just say, "oh man! I sure wish I had a helper, but you'll just have to sit there and do nothing until I'm done." And they just sat on the floor near me until sheer boredom prompted them to pitch in. Or dismantle the "toy" pots and pans and wooden spoons I no longer used and so let them play with. Either way. *shrug*

 

If the OP is talking about chores in the sense of "Complete this chore list mostly solo or 'else'!" manner - then yeah I think that's nutters and she should seriously relax.

 

I don't put kids on a chore list until they are 6. Do not tell my 6 yr old this. After screaming fits and tears of being excluded, we added her to the wall list at 4. Her chores at 4 were to help fold towels with sibling and help put up her own laundry and clean the highchair while I did dishes. You'd have thought she won a 6 figure job when she saw her name added to the list even though it was the same stuff as always. Lol.

 

Alas. The genetics kicked in and the novelty wore off. At 6, her clean laundry is now put up in a manner that strongly resembles her mother's method.

Edited December 19, 2015 by Murphy101

[SKL]

And I've also been told I'm doing a good job of training my kids to be servants.  :/  My kids, like yours, are accelerated academically, so none of those comments really has any power to bug me.  I was just surprised the first time I heard that.

[Audrey]

I probably shouldn't even be reading this thread because I can't fathom the concept of a 2yo having a chore list. :svengo:

 

I think my objection is in having a list and calling them chores ... for a 2 year old. 

 

I think the tasks described are all things one would teach a toddler/pre-schooler to do in tandem with an adult (with the exception of sweeping -- really?  How does a toddler manage a broom?  Are there teeny toddler brooms?)

 

And, I'm concerned about too much cleaning.  I say this as a person with OCD (the diagnosed kind, not the I-have-OCD-tendencies kind).  For the child's sake, there has to be some room for being a messy little kid.  I resolved that by making opportunities to make messes that I could (sort of) control.  We did finger painting, for example, and I laid down old sheets and then everything got scooped up and washed later, faced and hands were washed.  We had good laughs and it was fun.  Outdoor messy time was pretty important, too.  Ds loves being outdoors even in the worst of weather, so that was his mess-ground, so to speak and I made sure the mud-room (never was a room so aptly named!) was ready to receive him to give a cursory clean up so there wasn't mud through the house. But he got welcomed with laughs and smiles even though that was really hard for me to do faced with so much mess. 

 

But this child raising thing... it is NOT about me.  So, I gave all I could to be sure my hang ups weren't his.  My kid still does a LOT of chores (farm chores) and probably it is too much.  But... it needs doing and it's so much faster and easier when he pitches in.  We're always grateful and we express that to him.  He's never complained and he makes a game out of pretty much everything he does.  I should take more lessons from him, frankly.  That kid is easy-going despite me.  Thank whatever deity or mythological hero you want for that! :D

[happypamama]

It sounds to me like you are great, involved parents who are taking a really intentional approach with your son, and that's awesome! My little guy is, IIRC, close in age with yours, and he loves to help around the house. Very often, if I say to one of the older kids, "Hey, can you hand me X?" which is sitting near the child, chances are that the toddler will go and get it. I think your relative was rude in approach, and I'd not debate and discuss any more. However, having had toddlers of various temperaments, I do want to say that you don't have to strive for independence too soon. I know there is a lot of pressure on parents to make sure their children grow up to be productive members of society, but truly, make sure you baby him and enjoy him some too. The baby years are SO short! He might be an especially independent sort of child, and that's wonderful, but just make sure that you're indulging his need to be babied too. :)

[Tanaqui]

Are there teeny toddler brooms?

 

Yes, there are, and child-sized dustpans as well. You can buy them in toystores.

 

[SKL]

Yes, there are, and child-sized dustpans as well. You can buy them in toystores.

 

Yep, my kids each have a set.  I don't remember whether they were 2 or 3 when I bought them.  Sweeping the floor was their first "not just for myself" indoor "chore."  ;)

 

I gave them paid outdoor work starting when they were 2 (and then took them to the dollar store to spend their wages), so I tend to be open-minded about how much a tot can be asked to do.  :)

 

[swellmomma]

I think it really depends.  Personally I feel it is too much for a 2 yr old.  I do not pile that much on my toddlers, nor on the ones I care for in childcare.  Most certainly they should be helping with picking up toys etc, but helping being the key.  Meaning parents should still be doing the bulk of the work while the little one helps.  dumping urine, and sweeping steps and washing dishes, and folding laundry etc begins to be too much imo.  At 2 the parents should still be brushing the child's teeth not merely supervising (from a dental hygiene stand point our dentist recommended parents continue to brush the child's teeth until the first tooth falls out, to ensure they are properly done).  I would not have a child doing anything with disposal of human waste beyond flushing the toilet. Of course each family is going to do what they feel is right, BUT as a child I was raised to be doing the chores from a very young age with more and more foisted on me as I grew.  By 9 I was doing nearly all the house work.  It caused a lot of resentment.  To the point that I refused to help at my folks house again after I moved out, even if everyone else is cleaning up, I sit with my coffee.  I did it for so many years with far too much burden on my shoulders.  It is what led to my issues with clutter and such (I am not a hoarder but I have required therapy to work through the mental barriers that prevent me from cleaning)

SO yeah have him helping and learning and taking on responsibilities.  He is only 2, still closer to being a baby than a big kid, so be careful to not be piling it on too soon.  And be careful of the urge to give him too much to do too young simply because he can, or because he is responsible, because it very much can lead to resentment.  We were "spoiled" growing up too, we were given lots and lots at xmas, I am sure my parents got comments on it.  No one commented on how much I had to do around the house, other than to praise my mother for having such a responsible child.  But it was one more thing to damage the relationship (clearly not the only thing but still a big one).  

I am not at all saying your relationship with your son will be damaged, just something to be aware of as he grows.  SO to answer your question, yes relax your standards AND get a thicker skin, one that can listen to the criticisms and actually see if there is credence to them.  If not let them roll on by, if so you can consider alternatives.  And I mean that about all things in life not just this issue.  It is a big skill that is hard to develop for many people, being able to hear the rude comments and reflect without feelings in the way to determine if there is merit to them or not.

[mathmarm]

I think my objection is in having a list and calling them chores ... for a 2 year old. 

 

I think the tasks described are all things one would teach a toddler/pre-schooler to do in tandem with an adult (with the exception of sweeping -- really?  How does a toddler manage a broom?  Are there teeny toddler brooms?)

 

 

Jr has his own handbroom, it looks a lot like this, and he actually enjoys the whole "sweep the steps" task.

 

He plays on the steps a lot, often he piles up leaves, sticks and dirt on the steps. Since he was constantly making a mess in this one place, we started having him to help us clean up after himself. Eventually it grew to be a task that he looked forward to and he will get mad if he sees anyone else sweeping the steps because he wants to do it with his special sweeper.

 

As to how he manages it: He kneels (sometimes he sits, but mostly he kneels) on the second-to top step and sweeps the top step. Then he goes down a step and sweeps the 2nd-to-top step. Rinse and repeat until the steps are swept.

 

Again, in our house we don't call them "chores". They are just the tasks that we look to involve him in regularly. We do intend to help him learn to care for himself, so we don't see them as chores per se, I just can't think of a better word for them...

Edited December 19, 2015 by mathmarm