Help me prepare for possible alternate Christmas plans

[lynn]

We have our family traditions that have never included traveling at Christmas.   Everyone is invited here but we do not travel.  It has worked for us for years and I prefer visiting family throughout the year at less stressful times.

 

I am no normally a pessimistic person but this is reality of the situation.

 

This year my dad is having surgery a much needed surgery on December 23.  In normal circumstances I'd visit a couple days after he gets out of the hospital and gets normalized??  This time it's different it's a very risky surgery that takes several hours.  I want to be at the hospital with my mom, who will not leave his side until he wakes up and is in a room.  I want to be there until he's stepped down from ICU.  which means I could come back late Christmas Eve to have a Christmas with my family.  but, but what if that doesn't happen.  If anything unexpected happens I want to be right there with my mom not driving 3 hours kwim.     What would you do?  How do you plan for the unexpected?  My dh said he'll get a hotel and I could bring all presents with us and do the best we can.  I do plan to have a Christmas eve meal that we can all work together and have ready in short order if I come back late Christmas Eve.   My youngest children are 10 and 15 and I still want Christmas to be Christmas for them.   I know they would understand the circumstances for they know their grandpa needs this surgery.  So give me some ideas to consider and help prepare for alternate plans.

[TechWife]

If your hotel doesn't have a restaurant, try contacting an area grocery store - most of them around here are selling prepared holiday meals. I am not sure if you have to order in advance, but if you do, the notice for grocery store orders isn't very far in advance. You could pick up some disposable plates, utensils and napkins as well as a dessert and you might end up with some of your favorite food items, too! 

 

We often stay in Hampton Inn type hotels. These don't have large rooms, but they do have large seating areas in the lobbies with lots of tables. We have had group meals down there at family reunions with no problem - they don't require a fee to do that or a reservation, it's just using the lobby. 

 

Will you be flying or driving? If you are driving, you might be able to fit a small two or three foot tree in your car. Or, you could purchase one when you get there. Again, a grocery store might be a good resource for this - I've seen small 12-18" greenery in foil wrapped pots in the floral departments. 

 

Don't forget you can send packages to the hotel if you need to mail ahead of time. You can also ship from some hotels, so if you need to ship gifts around due to air travel or a small vehicle, you could do that. We have sent packages to hotels several times. When sending packages to the hotel, under the name of hotel write: 

Guest: then your first name and last name and your arrival date.

For Example:

Hampton Inn

Guest Jane Doe; arriving December 23, 2015

125 Main Street

Anytown NJ 10000

 

An idea might be to do stockings in the hotel and save larger gifts for later at home. You could wrap the stocking gifts. 

 

Try to get a hotel with a refrigerator to make things easer and you can have some of your favorite treats available, too. 

 

 

 

 

[Carrie12345]

Are finances an issue?

 

We've done Thanksgiving in a hotel suite, and my parents and sisters have done Christmas in a hotel suite.  They didn't have young kids, but they put a mini tree on a table, hung lights around the room, brought their gifts, and speakers for Christmas music.  For both holidays, we pre-prep most of our traditional foods and use crockpots to reheat carved meats.

 

If our family needed us (or even just me) nearby, I'd totally do Christmas in a hotel.  And you rarely have to share the pool, which is nice.

[Liz CA]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. Some years are going to be not so picture perfect. I would take dh up on the offer to get entire family to a nearby hotel. Celebrate with a short, fake tree :). Bring gifts that are portable. Check with hotel what can be done regarding a nice meal or nearby restaurants that will cater.

For me, the main thing would be to be close in case something does happen because the best Christmas at home would never make up for the fact I was not there when I was needed. I doubt your children would be devastated and hoping all goes well, they may be delighted to be able to see grandma and grandpa.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Liz CA

[SebastianCat]

Especially since your kids are old enough to understand what's going on, I would totally take your DH up on the offer and do Christmas in a hotel.  Others have given great ideas for food and gifts, so I won't repeat.

 

One thing I would think through with your DH is what will he and the kids DO all day long while you are there?   Definitely map out and get details on local activities like tourist attractions, parks, movie theaters, etc., and make a list of things your DH & kids can do that don't involve sitting around a hospital waiting room or watching TV all day long.   While you will be keeping your mom company and being her support, your kids will be completely bored and cooped up to try to do the same.   If you haven't bought gifts for the kids yet, maybe consider something they can do together, like games or projects they could do in the hotel.

 

(Ask me how I know....we spent Thanksgiving weekend in a hotel this year.   DH's mom passed away in August, and he and his siblings had some family business to sort through, which meant the kids & I were stuck in front of the TV all afternoon long.  It was much better the following day, when I took the kids to the local zoo while DH ran errands for his dad and helped clean out some of his mom's things from their apartment.   Bottom line....I wish I had planned for more outings or games for myself and the kids, allowing DH to be free to take care of business with his siblings.)

[Rockhopper]

I don't know why you wouldn't all travel this Christmas. They travel with you, you see your dad, you're there for support, your kids can visit him too and help support your mom. Or they travel there on Christmas Eve. And really, it's just three hours. For me personally, that wouldn't even really register as "traveling" tbh. Is there a reason you all wouldn't just stay at your parents' house?

 

It's just a tradition that you don't travel. Not a law. It's not like it's your kids are little and wouldn't understand. And even if they were little, they'd understand and adapt. People do. You do what needs done, what's right or necessary, regardless of whether or not it's what you 'always do.'

[QueenCat]

I'd have your dh bring the kids and do Christmas at a hotel. Get a nicer room than normal so you have more room for fun. 3 hours is really not far in the scheme of things.

[nd293]

When we travel we don't worry about eating traditional Christmas foods, but I always pack Christmas themed paper plates and a plastic tablecloth (so we can eat picnic style on a hotel bed if that's all there is), a string of battery operated lights, a small collapsible Christmas tree, gifts and a Christmas movie (or everyone picks a Christmas episode of a favourite TV show and I but those from iTunes. Traditions change, new ones get created and Christmas is where the family is! I hope your Dad's surgery goes well and you have a wonderful Christmas.

 

ETA: why not ask your kids what is most important about Christmas to them, or if there is some new 'tradition' they'd like to try out?

Edited December 7, 2015 by nd293

[BrittanyM]

When I was 13 we went camping for Christmas which was totally outside the norm for us. My Grandma came along for the first day and we had Christmas with her and then she went home. It was one of my favorite Christmas memories. I completely understand that you don't travel for Christmas and you have your normal traditions but don't worry about changing that up for this year! It will be something different your kids will remember and if you get a hotel that could be fun! My DH's family does the same exact thing every year for Christmas and honestly (even though I love traditions) it is so old. It's okay to do something different sometimes!!

 

And I hope your Dad's surgery goes well!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited December 7, 2015 by BrittanyM

[kitten18]

I would have Christmas with dh and kids on the 19th or 20th. Then you could go be with your parents without the pressure of Christmas hanging over you.

 

My siblings are much older than me and were all married when I was pretty young. We always had Christmas on a weekend before or after the actual holiday just depending on when it worked in everyone's schedules.

[Catwoman]

I'd have your dh bring the kids and do Christmas at a hotel. Get a nicer room than normal so you have more room for fun. 3 hours is really not far in the scheme of things.

:iagree:

 

Also, even though hopefully your dad will be doing great after his surgery, your mom might enjoy a chance to spend a bit of time with your kids at Christmas. If she doesn't want to leave your dad alone at the hospital, maybe you or your dh could sit with your dad while your mom spends some time at the hotel celebrating Christmas with your kids. It might be a way to help ease her stress a little bit, and give her a much-needed break from being at the hospital.

[cjzimmer1]

I understand about wanting to keep tradition but honestly I think this is the year to throw tradition out the window.  Your dad is sick, your mom needs you and your kids are old enough to understand this.  Sometimes life throws curveballs and this is one of them, it's a good lesson for kids to learn just as much as the lesson that Christmas is family time no matter what.  Besdies some of my fondest Christmas memories are when we broke tradition and did something completely else.  It only happened twice but those two times have stuck in my favorite Christmas memories more than all the years we stayed home.

[Plink]

Another vote for early Christmas. Save the stockings perhaps, but do all of your big day traditions (gifts, meal, etc.) prior to leaving for the surgery.

[Plateau Mama]

If it were me I'd pick a day before you leave and celebrate. This would take a lot of pressure off of you. You still get to have your special day. We've often done Christmas on a different day. Last year we (my mom & I) picked a random day and celebrated. We didn't tell the kids, just surprised them. They were so surprised had so much fun! (Mine are 7, 13, 15)

[Meriwether]

I have told our extended family that I will no longer travel on Christmas Day to accommodate them. We still travel at the holidays, though. As much as we liked having Christmas at home last year, it was fairly low on the truly important scale. Much less than being there for a grandparent having surgery. I'd accept the reality that this year is going to be an exception to your traditions and make the best of it.

[Kareni]

If you do go the hotel route, I'd suggest looking for a hotel with a swimming pool (make sure it's open in the winter) if your children enjoy swimming.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[KungFuPanda]

I have no trouble moving holidays. In your situation, I'd celebrate early at home and then bring the family on the trip. Kids can bring favorite gifts and you can even surprise them with one more on Christmas Day.

[Rachel]

I had a child right before Christmas and was in the hospital on Christmas. We just waited a couple days and celebrated just like normal. You could do an early or late celebration and something special in the hotel if you feel up to it.

[J-rap]

If you can afford it, I'd bring the whole family with you.  I actually think that would be a lot less stressful than worrying about getting back on Christmas Eve and having everyone wait for you, and what if your mother needs you and you don't feel you can go home that night afterall, etc.  Though we've usually had traditional Christmases, we've had some unusual ones, and those are always fun and ones that we remember.  Plus, it helps your kids learn to be flexible, and I think that's a good thing.  But I think most importantly, I think your parents need you and that should trump a traditional Christmas.  Your kids will get a wonderful glimpse of what's more important than gifts and traditions (even though those are fun).

 

I'd bring everyone to the hotel and bring their stockings.  You can bring stocking gifts and maybe one more gift for each person.  If there are still more, you can leave those at home and your kids will know they have more to look forward to.  You can have Christmas Eve dinner at the hotel restaurant, and Christmas morning you can celebrate in your room, and visit your father that day too.  You will also be close by to support your mother, and maybe give her a break and invite her over, and bring your dad some Christmas cheer.

 

You can order a big pizza on Christmas day and eat by the hotel pool. 

[wintermom]

Sounds like this year the focus for Christmas needs to be on what will help out your parents the best - no question. Either you there on your own with a vehicle so you can do anything needed to help out your mom, or you, your dh and your children all there to provide support. Your mom may need help with food, cleaning, rides to and from the hospital, fetching things from home, sitting with your dad, etc. The care and entertainment of your kids would be better left with dh. Let them figure that stuff out, while you focus on your parents.  Hope the surgery goes really well.

 

When my dc were 4, 2 and 10 months, I flew to help out my cousin as her baby was in palliative care. I rented a vehicle and just helped out with whatever needed doing (driving, cleaning, shopping, child care). It was just before Easter. Her son ended up passing away while I was there, so I stayed on longer for the funeral. My dh was at home dealing heroically with laundry piling up from a not-quite potty trained 2 year old, baby and 4 year old. I have no idea what they did as far as celebrating Easter, but I can say that my cousin, her husband and their family were very, very thankful to have me there for them at that difficult time. I've celebrated many Easters with my own kids, but the one away has so much more meaning to us all.

[Annie G]

You're going to be super stressed if you count on heading  home the day after your dad has risky surgery. It might ease your mind to just plan to have Christmas at the hotel and go home the day after Christmas. That way you can spend some time with your folks on Christmas. Your kids will understand- you're not breaking traditions, you're doing what needs to be done for your parents. 

 

I love the idea of doing stockings on Christmas but doing the other gifts either before or after so you don't have to transport all of them. 

 

Three hours from home? Maybe you can check out of the hotel at noon on Christmas Dad and get home in time to make dinner if you can have a casserole ready to pop in the oven or something. Or just eat out. 

 

If you need any activity suggestions for Christmas Day you can check to see if there are any good movies playing. Theaters are crowded and ours is always so much fun on Christmas. It'll be something to remember. 

 

Hope your dad's surgery goes smoothly!

 

 

[texasmama]

I dislike traveling and hotels, and I think it would be harder on my kids than just staying put in their own home and celebrating on a different date with you and with dad on the day if you are not there.  I would prepare foods for them prior to leaving and would go by myself to support my mom and dad so I could completely focus on them and not feel torn between my kids and my parents.  I have a 10 year old and a 13 year old (also my two youngest kids), and they would prefer to stay at home and not spend Christmas in a hotel while mom shuttles between a hospital and a hotel room.  Also, since the surgery is risky, there may be complications, and I would not want my kids there in a hotel while I was trying to support my mom and dad in that situation. 

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Pippen]

We had a medical crisis to deal with at the holidays when my kids were a little older than yours. I left them home with Dad on Christmas Eve and they joined me on Christmas Day. In hindsight they should have come up for Christmas Eve as well because it just wasn't at all the same at home without me there, for my youngest one especially. It would have been better for us to be together in a different location. 

 

This year my now young adult kids couldn't leave college/work for Thanksgiving so we traveled to them. Stayed in a hotel, and after much deliberation I settled on us going out to out to eat for Thanksgiving dinner. It was great--wouldn't want to do it every year but it worked out very well. It took a lot of stress off of me not to have to worry about where I was going to heat up food, what to do with leftovers, etc. If going out wasn't going to work, I was looking for places where I could carry out a hot meal because many of the store holiday meals need reheating. 

 

If it were me I'd have dh bring the kids check into a hotel and make the most of it. I wouldn't prepare a meal, but I'd probably do whatever snacks, cookies, etc. that your family is used to so they could have that at home and/or at the hotel. I'd probably bring the gifts along if they fit in the car, especially if they were the sort that they could use immediately to occupy their time.