Maybe this is something only an Introvert will understand

[bethben]

In our small town, they would let groups of people wanting to raise money offer to bag your groceries (this was a you bag it store).  Cheerleaders, Volleyball teams, mom's groups, mission trip groups... You name it, they were there offering to bag your groceries for "free"/ a small donation would be appreciated!  On those days, I dreaded going to check out because I was always approached with the inevitable, "Would you like your groceries bagged?"  Introvert nightmare!  I'm a little particular about some things and honestly like to do it myself.  I never carry cash and ALWAYS felt guilty that I should let them bag for the dollar in change I had somewhere piled on the bottom of my purse.  Store bell ringers also evoke the same feelings.  Even store clerks welcoming me to the store - asking me if I need anything.  I am why internet shopping was invented.  The introverted shopping experience.

[PrincessMommy]

In our small town, they would let groups of people wanting to raise money offer to bag your groceries (this was a you bag it store).  Cheerleaders, Volleyball teams, mom's groups, mission trip groups... You name it, they were there offering to bag your groceries for "free"/ a small donation would be appreciated!  On those days, I dreaded going to check out because I was always approached with the inevitable, "Would you like your groceries bagged?"  Introvert nightmare!  I'm a little particular about some things and honestly like to do it myself.  I never carry cash and ALWAYS felt guilty that I should let them bag for the dollar in change I had somewhere piled on the bottom of my purse.  Store bell ringers also evoke the same feelings.  Even store clerks welcoming me to the store - asking me if I need anything.  I am why internet shopping was invented.  The introverted shopping experience.

 

Yes, I don't like those either.

 

love internet shopping... although lately that's even become a bit overwhelming. 

[Guest]

Yes, I don't like those either.

 

love internet shopping... although lately that's even become a bit overwhelming.

Ha ha, yeah, I know...my SILs were telling me about this awesome store to buy jeans because, "The staff comes over and they can tell by looking at you what kind of jeans will fit you best..." i'm like, "Woah! That is the last thing in the world I want! A salescleark checking out my tush and foisting expensive jeans on me based on the shape of my thighs? NoWayNoWayNoWay!" :D

[HRAAB]

Who has hidden in the bathroom with their kids until the door to door salespeople have left?

[8circles]

I totally understand the dislike of being bombarded with requests for donations.  I even understand not wanting the pressure to chat or greet people.  But some of these posts are more about social anxiety than about introversion.  They aren't the same thing and I think threads like this contribute to the idea that introversion is a character flaw - which it isn't.

 

Depending on my mood, I'll either ignore or greet the bell-ringers.  But I've never donated and never felt guilty.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Reminds me once I was coming out of Walmart (grocery store Walmart) and I had a 30 pack of beer in the cart.  I got hit up for donations to help people with drug addiction.  Kinda awkward...

 

 

 

[Catwoman]

Reminds me once I was coming out of Walmart (grocery store Walmart) and I had a 30 pack of beer in the cart. I got hit up for donations to help people with drug addiction. Kinda awkward...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I know I shouldn't laugh, but that was funny!

[IsabelC]

I totally understand the dislike of being bombarded with requests for donations.  I even understand not wanting the pressure to chat or greet people.  But some of these posts are more about social anxiety than about introversion.  They aren't the same thing and I think threads like this contribute to the idea that introversion is a character flaw - which it isn't.

 

 

 

True, introversion isn't a character flaw. But social anxiety isn't a character flaw either - it's a mental illness.

 

I think that it's a matter of basic courtesy. People shouldn't be nervous about walking down the street because of chuggers (don't know if you call them that - but charity salespeople who sort of accost passersby and try not to let them go without signing up for donations), because there should be a choice about whether or not to interact with a stranger at any particular time. These people are trained to exploit our social habits (eg feeling like "Hi, how are you" demands a friendly reply). When I was living in London, I got so sick of those people that one day when a woman jumped right in front of my feet and chirped something about do I care about the starving children, I just snapped 'NO' and stepped around her without another word.

 

Bell ringers and fundraising grocery baggers have yet to make an appearance in my little backwater of the world. When I was a kid, grocery bagging was part of the service. The checkout chick tallied up your bill, while another supermarket worker (usually high school aged boy / young man) packed. At the end he would offer to carry the stuff to the car for you, and there was no expectation of a tip or anything like that. Them were the days... [sighs and looks extremely old]

Edited December 3, 2015 by IsabelC

[Night Elf]

I would probably say something to a smoking bell ringer, and then complain about it to the store's management.

 

I won't donate money to Salvation Army. They are a church, not a charity, they discriminate against people like me, and I have no patience for the noise.

 

You know, this is so true. I didn't think of that. Maybe I'll get the courage to actually say something to the next bell ringer who is trying to get my attention. Horrible!

[marbel]

True, introversion isn't a character flaw. But social anxiety isn't a character flaw either - it's a mental illness.

 

I think that it's a matter of basic courtesy. People shouldn't be nervous about walking down the street because of chuggers (don't know if you call them that - but charity salespeople who sort of accost passersby and try not to let them go without signing up for donations), because there should be a choice about whether or not to interact with a stranger at any particular time. These people are trained to exploit our social habits (eg feeling like "Hi, how are you" demands a friendly reply). When I was living in London, I got so sick of those people that one day when a woman jumped right in front of my feet and chirped something about do I care about the starving children, I just snapped 'NO' and stepped around her without another word.

 

Bell ringers and fundraising grocery baggers have yet to make an appearance in my little backwater of the world. When I was a kid, grocery bagging was part of the service. The checkout chick tallied up your bill, while another supermarket worker (usually high school aged boy / young man) packed. At the end he would offer to carry the stuff to the car for you, and there was no expectation of a tip or anything like that. Them were the days... [sighs and looks extremely old]

 

I consider myself to be pretty introverted, and shy too.   I don't mind bell-ringers; if I don't want to donate, I just don't.   I walk by and if they're close and speak to me, I smile back and keep walking.  

 

When my daughter was a Girl Scout, they sold cookies in front of stores but were instructed never ever to approach or speak to anyone.  No calling out "do you want to buy some cookies?" to people walking by.  They had to wait till people came up to them.  I understood that as the organization's policy.

 

People do have a choice about whether or not to interact.  There is no obligation to speak to a person just because they speak to you (general you) first. 

 

I've never seen the bagger thing.  If I saw that, I might give them a dollar or just say, "sorry, I don't have any cash."  

 

No one should never, ever feel guilty about not giving any sort of donation, or take a sample, or buy an unwanted item - there is no obligation just because someone asks.  No one will think less of you, or if they do, who cares?  

 

[Night Elf]

 

 

When my daughter was a Girl Scout, they sold cookies in front of stores but were instructed never ever to approach or speak to anyone.  No calling out "do you want to buy some cookies?" to people walking by.  They had to wait till people came up to them.  I understood that as the organization's policy.

 

 

Not in my area! Both the Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts approach customers and ask. AND, they hit you both going into the store and coming out!

[creekland]

I'll be the dissenter.  I like the bell ringers.  They remind me of the season and seem to be part of it.  We always donate $1.

 

We even buy/donate other stuff when worthy groups are selling.  It all depends upon what they are raising money for.  I have no problem declining when we don't care to donate or don't have cash on us.

 

I've read through this thread and can't even fathom feeling the way some of y'all do, but I think in general I get offended at very little.

 

I actually detest shopping itself - and still enjoy the bell ringers at the mall or stores.  It helps get me more in the mood for the season.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't hate the bell ringers and I've never felt totally pressured, but some of these things add up.  Meaning sometimes there is a steady stream of people asking for donations, asking if you want this or that, etc.  Here I sometimes have to wade through several people wanting to sell me stuff or get donations before even getting into the store.  Even the local newspapers try to sell subscriptions as you walk in.  And then you finally get through and get your stuff and then you get asked at the register.  Then you must leave and endure the bell ringer again.  I can tune stuff out, but sometimes I wish I could just go to a store without all of that.

 

Oh geesh, and I've even had people come up to my car as I'm stopped at a light asking for donations.  And don't forget the car washes.  Kids jumping up and down with signs asking if you want a car wash. 

 

Half the time I don't even know what the charity is.  Once they worded it as "help kids".  I somehow thought it was for disadvantaged kids.  No, it was for a cheer leading group.  What the what.... *sigh* 

[creekland]

Oh geesh, and I've even had people come up to my car as I'm stopped at a light asking for donations.  And don't forget the car washes.  Kids jumping up and down with signs asking if you want a car wash.  

 

I don't mind these either.  We usually donate to charities we know approaching cars (MDA, 4 Diamond Fund), but never to individuals begging.  With car washes, it all depends upon the dirtiness of our vehicle at the time.  It rarely depends upon who's doing the car wash.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't mind these either.  We usually donate to charities we know approaching cars (MDA, 4 Diamond Fund), but never to individuals begging.  With car washes, it all depends upon the dirtiness of our vehicle at the time.  It rarely depends upon who's doing the car wash.

 

I have given money to individuals begging.  I figure they will get all the money to themselves rather than a charity which will only give a small amount towards the charity.

[Cinder]

Not in my area! Both the Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts approach customers and ask. AND, they hit you both going into the store and coming out!

 

Same here but I'm in the same state as you so maybe it's a regional/council thing as to what sales tactics are permitted.

[creekland]

I have given money to individuals begging.  I figure they will get all the money to themselves rather than a charity which will only give a small amount towards the charity.

 

With the folks begging at cars, I've seen too many reports about some who do this as their job (returning to their home afterward and turning down other jobs 'cause they make more with this one).  It's not a job I feel I should be contributing toward.  Granted, I can't tell who's who, but there are better ways to donate money we set aside for donating.

 

The charities we donate to from our car (MDA, 4 Diamonds) are worthy ones to us.  The folks collecting are volunteers, so all the $$ go to the charity.  From there, yes, a portion goes toward keeping the organization going, but that's life with research organizations.

[SparklyUnicorn]

With the folks begging at cars, I've seen too many reports about some who do this as their job (returning to their home afterward and turning down other jobs 'cause they make more with this one).  It's not a job I feel I should be contributing toward.  Granted, I can't tell who's who, but there are better ways to donate money we set aside for donating.

 

The charities we donate to from our car (MDA, 4 Diamonds) are worthy ones to us.  The folks collecting are volunteers, so all the $$ go to the charity.  From there, yes, a portion goes toward keeping the organization going, but that's life with research organizations.

 

Oh no I am referring to charities begging at cars.  I've never had individuals beg at my car.

[Pam in CT]

I don't mind the bell ringers -- they impart a festive seasonal sound (and I'm dearly hoping, now, for one of them to step it up with some vibrant hopping :lol: ) -- though I never donate to the Salvation Army specifically for the sorts of reasons that Ravin mentioned upthread.  

 

We often get local food pantry volunteers hawking in front of the grocery store;  I always toss something in to their cart on my way back out of the store.  

 

Various other organizations sell stuff in the space as well -- the scouts sell their cookies or chocolate bars, the Garden Club sells herbs & annuals (spring) and mums (fall) to raise money for a high school scholarship they do, the Kiwanis sells autumnal pumpkins, etc.  None of these folks call out and solicit aggressively; they just sit there smiling behind their tables and wait for people to come to them.  (Now that I think about it, perhaps this is a store guideline?)  I buy the things.... if I otherwise want the things.

 

The grocery store I most often go to (a Stop & Shop) is nearly always running a "do you want to give $1 to _______" cause at checkout.  These causes are always big name national organizations.  I have mixed feelings about such programs at several different levels... which I haven't resolved in any particular consistent way... so sometimes I give and sometimes don't, depending on... I couldn't tell you.

 

In ALL these cases, I don't mind the ask.  And believe me I am as introverted as they come.  Ask away (politely), and I'll make up my mind and act accordingly (politely).

 

 

 

But DO NOT call me to solicit me at home for anything at all, even causes I otherwise support; and REALLY TRULY I AM SO NOT KIDDING do not ring my doorbell for anything at all, even to save my soul.  For me, the edges of my home are the bright line.  That is my sanctuary and no one has standing to bug me in my home.  To these intruders I am not polite.

 

 

 

(OK rant over, back to regularly scheduled programming...)

[creekland]

 I've never had individuals beg at my car.

 

Lucky you!  These can be common on our travels - esp toward cities.

 

But DO NOT call me to solicit me at home for anything at all, even causes I otherwise support; and REALLY TRULY I AM SO NOT KIDDING do not ring my doorbell for anything at all, even to save my soul.  For me, the edges of my home are the bright line.  That is my sanctuary and no one has standing to bug me in my home.  To these intruders I am not polite.

 

Ditto - except I tend to be polite.  I figure those doing it don't have a choice.  They were either instructed to do so (school kids) or really need money (adult peddlers). 

 

Fortunately, by living rural we avoid most of these - not all - but most.

[Carrie12345]

The only in-traffic collections I've come across have been for emergency services.  We usually scramble for change b/c it's kinda fun to put money in a boot or helmet. :-)  Growing up, there used to be a road with a tarp and target set up for you to throw your change and try to hit the bullseye.  Perhaps not the safest thing on a 45mph road, but people DID usually seem to slow down.

Most of the face-to-face stuff does irk me.  Even though I do try to subscribe to the whole "Nobody else can make you feel bad, you allow yourself to feel whatever" (paraphrasing), saying "Sorry, not today" over and over and over AND over again does take a legitimate, if small, toll on me.  Why do I have to actively decline to support organizations?  Like it isn't difficult enough to choose how to prioritize my donations within budget for the organizations that are near and dear to me when I don't have to announce the ones I'm passing up.  Now I have to reject little Suzy From Another Town to her cute cheerleading face, knowing she probably doesn't understand what it costs me to have 3 kids in a sport.  Blah.

[shawthorne44]

With the folks begging at cars, I've seen too many reports about some who do this as their job (returning to their home afterward and turning down other jobs 'cause they make more with this one).  It's not a job I feel I should be contributing toward.  Granted, I can't tell who's who, but there are better ways to donate money we set aside for donating....

 

And that has been going on so long one of Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories is based on it.  Probably wasn't new then.  Well, not the car part. 

 

For giving money directly to someone who asks for it, I have a $5 minimum policy.  If I believe them, they get $5, if I don't believe them $5 worth, they get nothing.

Edited December 3, 2015 by shawthorne44

[8circles]

True, introversion isn't a character flaw. But social anxiety isn't a character flaw either - it's a mental illness.

 

I think that it's a matter of basic courtesy. People shouldn't be nervous about walking down the street because of chuggers (don't know if you call them that - but charity salespeople who sort of accost passersby and try not to let them go without signing up for donations), because there should be a choice about whether or not to interact with a stranger at any particular time. These people are trained to exploit our social habits (eg feeling like "Hi, how are you" demands a friendly reply). When I was living in London, I got so sick of those people that one day when a woman jumped right in front of my feet and chirped something about do I care about the starving children, I just snapped 'NO' and stepped around her without another word.

 

Bell ringers and fundraising grocery baggers have yet to make an appearance in my little backwater of the world. When I was a kid, grocery bagging was part of the service. The checkout chick tallied up your bill, while another supermarket worker (usually high school aged boy / young man) packed. At the end he would offer to carry the stuff to the car for you, and there was no expectation of a tip or anything like that. Them were the days... [sighs and looks extremely old]

 

You're right.  I shouldn't have posted without fully-formed thoughts and it does sound like I'm implying social anxiety is a character flaw.  For the record, I have anxiety and am an introvert (& I also am not a people-person in general).  I don't think social anxiety is a character flaw HOWEVER I don't think it should be untreated, so it shouldn't be something that is normalized - so that people say "it's just who I am and I shouldn't have to be challenged".  Meaning (because I'm not explaining well even now, I've only had a couple sips of coffee) that people shouldn't feel like they have a right to not be spoken-to or approached by strangers in public.  

 

The bold, I've done similar as well - It's not an ideal situation but they have a right to ask & I have a right to respond honestly.

But bell-ringers are not like that situation.  Some are VERY enthusiastic, some downright bored-looking.  But they cannot leave the bucket to come up to you, so they can only stay at their post & try to make eye contact or shout at you.  They are often moms like me, with their kids in tow.  They are soliciting donations for The Salvation Army (which is a church heavily involved in local charity work) so if there were significant problem with their bell-ringers behaving inappropriately, I'm pretty sure we'd hear about it.  Seriously, they are at EVERY grocery store around the holidays.  If the store has decided to not allow them, it makes big news.  I remember when Target said they wouldn't allow them & there was talk of a boycott.  So these are not chuggers (that's a new word for me, thank you for explaining).  I would disgree with your implication that you don't have a choice about whether or not to interact with strangers in public.  You do have a choice.  Sometimes one's choice to not interact makes one feel uncomfortable.  That's just life.

[SharonM]

 

I am half an introvert... prefer few people and not a lot of chaos. (like most stores at holiday time). But I wanted to change my response to holiday stuff to help me have a better mood.

I set aside change, or a few bills to drop into the bucket. Its a charity I support anyway and makes me feel more of the holiday spirit.

I try not to let my "feelings" lead me... kwim? I act happy then I am happy.

 

Merry Christmas.

[Angie in VA]

Reminds me of Phoebe who didn't stay happy and clappy. (Language)

 

 

[Guest]

I don't hate the bell ringers and I've never felt totally pressured, but some of these things add up. Meaning sometimes there is a steady stream of people asking for donations, asking if you want this or that, etc. Here I sometimes have to wade through several people wanting to sell me stuff or get donations before even getting into the store. Even the local newspapers try to sell subscriptions as you walk in. And then you finally get through and get your stuff and then you get asked at the register. Then you must leave and endure the bell ringer again. I can tune stuff out, but sometimes I wish I could just go to a store without all of that.

 

Oh geesh, and I've even had people come up to my car as I'm stopped at a light asking for donations. And don't forget the car washes. Kids jumping up and down with signs asking if you want a car wash.

 

Half the time I don't even know what the charity is. Once they worded it as "help kids". I somehow thought it was for disadvantaged kids. No, it was for a cheer leading group. What the what.... *sigh*

This is what it comes to for me. It's the cumulative effect. I rarely donate to anything on the fly now; there are times and places for my well-thought-out donations. I also am unlikely to buy Girl Scout cookies from sidewalk flagging or anything else like that. It's just taxing after a while to feel like you're being badgered and begged from at every turn. In the area where I shop, there are also a lot of Homeless sign-bearing panhandlers. I get tired of that, too. I help the homeless through local organizations. I don't wish to be badgered at stop lights.

[Hot Lava Mama]

 

I just want to go to the store and get my stuff and leave.  I don't want to talk with strangers, and I don't want to greet a happy, clappy cheerleader. 

 

 

Welcome to the introverts club!  We have millions of members, but no meetings.  Ever.  We just all wonder, privately, why those extroverts keep getting in our face and wish they would just be quiet!

:)

Hot Lava Mama

[Plink]

I just realized that many of you are saying that you usually have to bag your own groceries. I think I may just hug my bagger next week. I didn't have any clue that was a regional thing.

[JFSinIL]

I just offer up a "keep warm" or "morning" etc. and keep moving.  Salvation Army is not one of the organizations we choose to support due to their anti-gay stance.  But I do not intend to take it out on the bell-ringers, who are just trying to raise money for a cause they believe in.

[HeWillSoar]

At a store this evening there was a Salvation Army guy ringing, singing and dancing.  I thought of this thread and burst out laughing! 

[Guest]

At a store this evening there was a Salvation Army guy ringing, singing and dancing. I thought of this thread and burst out laughing!

Me too! I stopped into the Walmart tonight to get a few last-minute items for our craft day tomorrow. The bell-ringer was down by the grocery entrance; I entered via the home section entrance. The bell-ringer was sitting in a wheelchair, so no dancing around, but he was...vocalizing. I am not sure if it was singing or preaching or talking to imaginary friends. But clearly making a lot more noise than your typical ringer.

[Lady Marmalade]

I agree.

 

It's particularly bad when there's one at every escape route door.

 

And if you have to do multiple errands . . .  there they are.  Again!

 

Arrrrgh!!

 

Ugh, yes.  I've mastered the art of pulling out my phone at just the right time, checking for a text or some other distraction as I walk past.  But if I can find an empty door I'll make a beeline...

 

You know what else I don't like?  When they set up all those sampling stations.  And they yell out if I want to try this or that.  No really I just want to do my grocery shopping and get on with my life.  Sometimes I go out of my way not to walk past them so they don't ask me. 

 

I pay the extra $$ for a plus membership just to avoid the sample people at Sam's Club.  They are not out during the exclusive morning business hours, so I can do my shopping in peace. (Add in the self-check station and I am in HEAVEN!)  But once 10:00 am hits and the commoners are let in, watch out!  We have some really aggressive sample people- not to mention the demo people hawking the latest pillow, curling iron, massage thingy, knife set, etc. 

[Jenny in Florida]

Publix* and Target don't allow these activities outside their stores.

 

 

*The Publixes in my area have this policy posted outside the store but I can't find a corporate policy so possibly this varies by store/region.

 

Yep, I was going to say it must be regional. All of the Publix stores in my area allow all kinds of groups to set up outside their doors.

[PeacefulChaos]

:/

 

I do see where you're coming from .  I do.

 

I've never personally had any problem with them - I smile at them and move on.  I don't feel pressured to give, and I don't feel bad if I don't (that goes for any organization).

I'm also an extrovert.

 

 

It just makes me really hope that people don't hate us when we're standing in front of Walmart next week.  I asked the kids if there was anything they wanted to do, volunteer-wise, this holiday season, and that was high on Link's list.  So we're doing that for a couple hours next week.  (among many other things through the season)

 

 

Sigh.  :/  I never really looked at them as a negative thing (I still don't) but I didn't realize they were as hated as they are till I got on here.   :(

Edited December 4, 2015 by PeacefulChaos

[Pam in CT]

At a store this evening there was a Salvation Army guy ringing, singing and dancing.  I thought of this thread and burst out laughing! 

Yeah, but, was he vibrantly hopping?

 

Me too! I stopped into the Walmart tonight to get a few last-minute items for our craft day tomorrow. The bell-ringer was down by the grocery entrance; I entered via the home section entrance. The bell-ringer was sitting in a wheelchair, so no dancing around, but he was...vocalizing. I am not sure if it was singing or preaching or talking to imaginary friends. But clearly making a lot more noise than your typical ringer.

 

OK, vocalizing to imaginary friends cuts a close second...  :lol:

[mathnerd]

I don't like the bell-ringing, but it is better than the Girl Scouts expecting me to buy cookies that cost four times as much as the cookies in the store that I just came out of.  

I hate the bell-ringing too - fortunately, in my area, Target stopped it recently because many patrons complained about it. Only Walmart has them and I don't go there anyway.

 

I was afraid to be the first to say that I hate the Girl Scouts ambushing me on my way into a store (they were even outside SportMart and I did not expect them to be there!) because I might really look like a grinch to everyone. In my area, the Girl Scouts are chaperoned by peppy, happy adults while selling cookies.

Edited December 4, 2015 by mathnerd