Children ever disappoint you during read-alouds

[JaneEyre]

This morning I was reading the scene from Old Yeller to my kids where the mama bear is running towards 5yo Arliss to attack and Travis and his mom are both running to help but there is no way they can get there in time. Suddenly Old Yeller comes out of nowhere and defends them from the bear. No matter how hard the bear hits him he runs back to their defence. It was all I could do to keep from tearing up while I read, thinking of the bravery of this dog. I thought my kids were just as interested as me, but when I finish it all they say is, "Wow, that was really long." -Things like that are so disheartening :(

[Jean in Newcastle]

How old are your children?  

[MerryAtHope]

Aw, sounds like they just aren't quite ready for that book yet. Sorry you had a rough morning!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

They deserve their whole childhood to form their ideals before being held accountable for being "moved"...they are in school, and being raised, to learn to feel a tug toward things that are beautiful, noble, wise, and true.

 

I'm assuming they are elementary-aged children, or you probably wouldn't be reading Old Yeller. There's nothing to be disappointed about. Maybe they didn't care for the author's style, or maybe they've never been in a situation of that level of intensity so they can't relate. Just keep teaching them and raising them. Don't expect particular reactions yet.

[Garga]

I'm not sure I had as dramatic of an experience as you, but my kids are often unmoved by things that I am greatly moved by.

 

But consider this:

 

When my kids were about 3, we took them to things like amusement parks or showed them really fancy cars at car shows, or took them to professional plays with amazing sets and real actors. They were always just meh about it.

 

But at three years old, if they saw a line of ants on the sidewalk, they were fascinated and would stare and stare at the ants and didn't want to be torn away. Ants.

 

See, at three years old, EVERYTHING in the world is brand new. They have no concept that the ants will be there every day at any time and are honestly not a big deal, while the trip to the amusement park is a once a year thing--or maybe a once every 5 years thing. To them, everything is equally new and equally accessible. They just haven't lived long enough to diferentiate between "normal" and "special." So they're often not all that impressed by "special" and are unduly mesmerized by "normal."

 

I think it's the same sort of thing with emotional issues. They just don't understand the deeper feelings until they've started to feel them. They don't understand persistence and nobility and betrayal and sacrificial love because they haven't felt it yet for themselves.

 

I remember watching sad movies where maybe a kid was kidnapped or something. It was sad, sure. But when I became a mother, I absolutely 100% could NOT watch or even think about things like that. At all. The very idea was almost physically painful. Sometimes you have to live a little longer or experience a little more to feel the full range of human emotions.

 

This probably isn't true for every child, but I have seen it a number of times where kids seem utterly untouched by something that is deeply touching. They grow into it later.

[Critterfixer]

Oh, that happens all the time around here. 

I don't bat an eyelash anymore. I just keep reading. :D

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

When we got to the end of Charlotte's Web, my son was like, "Huh.  What will we read next?"  LOL.  I was sure he'd be all emotional and I was totally wrong.

 

When I reread LHOTP for the first time since childhood to him, around age 5, I was literally crying during each chapter.  When Mr. Edwards swims the river to bring the girls their presents, and the Ingalls parents are as emotional-wreck-happy as they could allow themselves to be, I was BAWLING.  My son was like, "Ummm..."  

 

I don't worry too much about it.  

 

As you were describing the scene, I was afraid you were going to say, "And they laughed and thought it was funny."- that would bother me.  But not being moved to the same extent... normal behaviour.  The first book I remember moving me emotional is Where the Red Fern Grows, around 5th grade.  

[Garga]

I read the Velveteen Rabbit to the kids when they were about 6 and 9. I was doing great and thinking to myself, "Why have I ever cried at this story? It's not a big deal."

 

And then we got to the very, very end where the boy sees the real rabbit and says it used to look like his old bunny. And the tears I cried. Oh my. Big heaving sobs. My throat was more sore than it's ever been because I was trying to smother the crying. If the kids hadn't been there, I think I would have been making those loud sobs people make when someone dies. It was just horrible. I don't know WHY that book does that to me (and to lots of people.)

 

The kids just sat there and stared at me like I was some sort of science project they were studying. They were completely, absolutely unmoved by the book and only very, very curious as to why their mother was a sobby mess. They said, "We can stop reading if it upsets you so much." But I carried on to the end, hiccuping and with hitches in my voice and rivers of tears streaming down my face.

 

So maybe I have had a dramatic moment like you did after all! I'd forgotten about reading that book to them.

 

My oldest is 13 and I was considering having him read Flowers for Algernon. At this point, I'm not sure what to do. When I read it, I cried and cried at the ending and was heartbroken. I'm not sure whether my 13 year old would be touched like that at the book or if he's still too young to fully get it. And I have to decide: do I have him read it now when it might not crush him, or wait for him to be older and let it crush him like it crushed me? Or has he finally turned the corner and would be crushed by the ending now and I should wait until he's more mature to handle being crushed? Parenting is so stinkin' hard sometimes!

[Entropymama]

I have, many times, been nearly unable to finish a book because I'm crying. The Door in the Wall, Miracles on Maple Hill, The Clown of God - yeah, that's a picture book. My kids have never cried over a book. I have one who will cry if a movie is particularly sad, but four who won't. I do wish they would be moved by the things that move me, but we're different people. 

[El...]

Dd didn't cry over Charlotte's death.  She was 6.  That's strange, because she's a very dramatic, impressionable person.  Oh well.

[marbel]

My kids have never gotten as emotional as I have when I'm reading to them.   They also don't respond as I do to every book.  I adore the book Rascal but they were "meh" about it.  I couldn't believe it.  But, they own their emotions just as I own mine.  Then, I remember reading something that just tore my son up, and I was all "meh" about it.  You never know.

 

Don't let it discourage you.  But also, don't build things up in your mind, or try to build them up in theirs.  Let them come to the stories in their own ways.

[Critterfixer]

And sometimes I grant that my kids have a real point if they complain that something is "too long." About a year ago or so I took it upon myself to read The Fellowship of the Ring aloud. My word! Does that story move at a snail's pace or what? It's like the camping trip that never ends. I still love it, but having to read it caused me to reflect on the merits of some judicious editing, and also on how Tolkien really did a great job putting in just enough interesting bits to make a long camping trip not only less dull, but a journey of mortal peril. Didn't change the fact that it was long, and tedious, but the read aloud was a great exercise in writing craft for me.

As my boys get older, "too long" turns into a discussion of "how do we make this better?" Is the scene with the bear overdone? Did it stray too far into melodrama? Is it in keeping with character, and so forth? Does the author spend too much time emphasizing the loyalty of the dog so that the reader overlooks other things that the dog does that should put him at odds with the protagonist?

 

And sometimes things are just "too long". There's that too. :laugh:

[JustEm]

I'm 29 years old and have never been moved by a book enough to cry. Often times if I am moved by a book I don't share the deep emotions involved with others because that just isn't who I am. I'll talk about the meaning behind books,and dissect them with others for hour but those deep down feelings are for me only

[SparklyUnicorn]

Sometimes they just don't have the ability to appreciate things in the same way.  Or they just might not like the same things.  No reason to take that personally.

 

 

[redsquirrel]

It happens all the time around here, lol.

 

Your kids are young and just don't have a deep well of empathy to draw from. You do.  It sounds like you are a deeply empathetic person, I know I am the same.  Heck, I tear up reading SOTW.  My kids are used to it now.  Mom cries when she reads books or poetry or..history. :blushing:  And I have absolutely cried from picture books. 

 

As my kids get older they have more life experience to draw from and they respond differently.  DS1 was shocked to find himself sobbing...really sobbing..when he read Of Mice and Men when he was 14. It just hit him from nowhere and it hit hard.  Since then, I have noticed him incorporating more empathy type statements when he reads literature, more insight into how a character must be struggling with choices or motivated by past events.  I think it is just a maturity issue.

[Arctic Bunny]

I've got tears rolling reading your *descriptions* of the emotional parts!!!! Oh, Velveteen Rabbit!

 

My kids know when my voice breaks during a read aloud... Get Mom a Kleenex, she's going to be a minute! Matthew dying in Anne, Anne winning the medal!

 

We were in church when a visiting minister read "I'll Love You Forever" as part of the children's time during the service. Afterward the boys asked me why I'd never read it to them. I said, "Oh, we own it. Grandad gave it as a baby gift. I just can't read the darn thing without bawling." Since they know their mother so well, this was perfectly reasonable.

 

I think at this stage of their lives, me tearing up is an assurance that we're reading A Really Good Book. And I don't expect them to do the same. But maybe in 30 years, or even 5. After all, we experience books through the lenses of our own lives. That's what makes them so great!

[Dramorellis]

Yes, that happens all the time around here and I just keep it moving. Today we went to see a theater adaptation of "The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane". When we read the book I could barely hold it together but they were fine. I wouldn't say unmoved but certainly not crushed or pained and definitely no tears. So I was curious to see what they would do today and they reacted the same way. They enjoyed it but mostly were thinking about having lunch. I sobbed however, oh how I sobbed. The burly gentlemen next to me was wiping tears and there were muffled sobs from the middle schoolers in front of me but my two youngest just wanted a granola bar. It's okay, they are compassionate little people but they just don't have the depth of emotions and life experiences to really take them to heart right now.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I read Bridge to Terabithia when I was 11, it broke my heart.  I have felt betrayed and scarred my whole life.  DD read it , even though I told her how it affected me, and nothing.  She said, "yeah, it's kind of sad but it's a book, mom".  

[Farrar]

I find it super unpredictable what my kids will react to. They're older now but sometimes they're not moved by something I think they will/should be and other times they're totally broken up. Ds cried for an hour over the death of a cat in a short story we read. A cat! Who did nothing! In a short story! He doesn't even like animals.

 

I just had a sort of terse conversation about this with a friend who was deeply upset that her 7 yo hadn't found a tragic news event all that tragic. The little one basically said that action movies were more scary and dire. My friend was really troubled. I was like, but she's 7. She has no sense of reality yet. What you're doing is demonstrating that for her. And helping her understand those differences. In a few years, if she still thinks people dying in real wars and disasters is not so bad and that movies are more real then start to worry.

[73349]

Maybe it affects you because you can put yourself in the dog's place, as a defender of the children. But I wouldn't expect children to be able to put themself in his place.

 

I don't cry over fiction at all, only true stories. But I didn't even cry over true stories when I was a kid, as far as I remember. I could be fascinated by them--I remember reading about the Hindenburg disaster, for example--without getting deeply emotionally involved. (On the other hand, I can't stand a lot of TV shows that are obviously deliberately manipulating viewers' feelings; the medium makes a huge difference.)

 

Sometimes DS doesn't like a book I like, and I generally drop it if we've given it a fair shot (e.g., The Secret Garden)--he can go back to it when he's older if he wants.

[happypamama]

They'll get it more later when they're older.

 

I've been reading the Little House books since I was four. I've read them all at least six times, probably more. I still pick up so,etching different and appreciate a different aspect of them every time. When I was little, they were just cool stories. Then I appreciated the peek into history. As an adult, it hits me how very hard it must have been to be a wife and mom as a pioneer.

 

My family loves the Winnie the Pooh books. The kids laugh and giggle and quote Pooh's antics. They're slightly wistful at the last page of House at Pooh Corner because all the adventures are over. Me? I get teary at the inscription in the beginning ("For her. . . Because we love you") because it's so sweetly romantic, and I can't read the ending lines of House at Pooh Corner because I get too choked up because it reminds me that my babies are growing up too fast.

[lea_lpz]

Read our last chapter of naya nuki and she's reunited with her mother making a 1,000 mi journey across North Dakota and Montana to get home. They are both being squirrelly and have a look like when's this gonna be over? Deep breath. Well, I was captivated lol!

[momma2three]

While DD was reading Charlotte's Web, I spent days worrying about whether I should warn her, and preparing for the waterworks.   She came down to breakfast:

 

"I finished Charlotte's Web last night."

"Was it sad?"

"Not really."

"Oh.  What happened?"

*shrug* "Charlotte died."

"And that wasn't sad?"

She stared at me like I was from Mars, and said "Everything dies eventually, Mom."

 

Okay.  Well then.

[Aurelia]

I'm basically chiming in with what others have said. Part of it's experience, and part of it is just who they are. I have always cried when reading or watching The Little Prince. DD (then 7ish) was like "of course he had to die to get back to his rose, silly," but when I read Hurry Home, Candy the same year, she took the neglect of the dog super hard. I thought it was a little sad, but not so sad we need to hide the book in another room and never, ever read it again. She felt differently. 

[aprilleigh]

I think at this stage of their lives, me tearing up is an assurance that we're reading A Really Good Book. And I don't expect them to do the same. But maybe in 30 years, or even 5. After all, we experience books through the lenses of our own lives. That's what makes them so great!

 

I'm thrilled if DS understands that mom getting choked up while reading out loud means it's a really good book. He loves books, so much so that I've had to resort to borrowing audiobooks from the library because I just can't keep up with his demand for new books, but he doesn't have the same reactions that I do, nor do I expect him to. I didn't even have the same reaction when I read some of these as a child myself.

[Alice]

My kids think it's really funny that I cry at books. Except my middle son who is fairly empathetic. He will cry if I cry but only because he sees  me crying and not because he thinks the book is sad. 

 

We have one book we read at Christmas every year that I cannot get through without crying, Silver Packages by Cynthia Rylant. I can't even tell someone the summary of it without crying so you'll have to look it up yourself if you are interested. I do this thing where I wrap up all our picture books and they get to open one a day. Last year they really really wanted to open Silver Packages on Christmas Eve so I'd cry then. Heartless children. :) 

[MerryAtHope]

This reminds me...my daughter went through a stage where she would watch my face and listen for that catch in my voice so she could rush a kleenex over to me, LOL! I don't know if she got anything out of those particular books, but she was armed and ready if mom cried!

[Renai]

I'm not an emotional person when I read either. I mean, I read with emotion but I have never had a book move me to tears. Except one. "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" A DR. SEUSS book for crying out loud! (no pun intended) I read it for the first time as an adult to my oldest daughter - she may have been 8 or less. I got that catch in the voice, etc., but continued on. She looked at me like I had 5 eyes, wondering what was wrong with me.

 

I also agree with previous posters that they will be moved by different things than you. I remember reading The Three Little Pigs to a prek class (I'm a teacher), and a couple of students were really upset that those pigs had to leave home to live by themselves. I think part of it was cultural, but they couldn't fathom why they would want to leave their mother, or why the mother would want them to leave, or why did they each had to live in separate houses. They felt better about the three pigs living together in the end, but still felt terrible for the poor mom who was by herself. And where was the dad in all that?

 

How many of you have thought those pigs like that? Yeah. Kids can think and be emotionally different from us.

[KSinNS]

Glad I'm not the only one. I burst into tears trying to explain to my 11 yo ds about how great (and sad) Little Women was. He looked at me like I was nuts (I'm a terrible crier at the best of times, and much worse when I am pregnant). I just figure I'm filling them with the stuff they will need when they get older and have to actually deal with all the stuff of life. 

[MerryAtHope]

Glad I'm not the only one. I burst into tears trying to explain to my 11 yo ds about how great (and sad) Little Women was. He looked at me like I was nuts (I'm a terrible crier at the best of times, and much worse when I am pregnant). I just figure I'm filling them with the stuff they will need when they get older and have to actually deal with all the stuff of life. 

Oh goodness, to this day I can't read Little Women without crying multiple times...when sweet Beth takes care of the Hummel children I already start crying, knowing that it will lead to her death and yet how willing she was to sacrifice...then the disappointments Jo goes through--I'm caught up every time. Love that book!

[Heidi]

My kids roll their eyes and say, "mom's crying again." I cried at the end of the biography of Queen Elizabeth "Good Queen Bess" by Stanley and Abraham Lincoln by DuAlaire. Kid biographies! Those were the latest ones, and most of the books already listed. Im a boob.

[fdrinca]

I have, many times, been nearly unable to finish a book because I'm crying. The Door in the Wall, Miracles on Maple Hill, The Clown of God - yeah, that's a picture book. My kids have never cried over a book. I have one who will cry if a movie is particularly sad, but four who won't. I do wish they would be moved by the things that move me, but we're different people. 

 

Clown of God makes me cry too. The kids dislike it for that reason. 

 

There are a few picture books which they do like me to read, but will preface their request with "but please don't cry this time." 

[fdrinca]

They'll get it more later when they're older.

 

I've been reading the Little House books since I was four. I've read them all at least six times, probably more. I still pick up so,etching different and appreciate a different aspect of them every time. When I was little, they were just cool stories. Then I appreciated the peek into history. As an adult, it hits me how very hard it must have been to be a wife and mom as a pioneer.

 

My family loves the Winnie the Pooh books. The kids laugh and giggle and quote Pooh's antics. They're slightly wistful at the last page of House at Pooh Corner because all the adventures are over. Me? I get teary at the inscription in the beginning ("For her. . . Because we love you") because it's so sweetly romantic, and I can't read the ending lines of House at Pooh Corner because I get too choked up because it reminds me that my babies are growing up too fast.

 

This was EXACTLY the example I thought of when reading this thread. My kids don't have the frame of reference for those last lines of House at Pooh Corner. When they fail to respond emotionally, I think it's because they haven't had the life experience to develop sentimentality. 

[Joker]

Youngest dd watched most of the Jaws movies at a young age (around 8) and she laughed. Seriously laughed. She found them hilarious. She can't watch them now at thirteen because of the blood and death.

 

Oldest cries while reading books or watching movies when animals die. She can't stand to watch those animal abuse commercials. Youngest can watch those and find them sad but no tears. She is more moved by human suffering and death in books/movies at this time. I have zero doubt in a few months or years they will change yet again. 

 

So, it wouldn't bother me at all. 

[Hyacinth]

We once read a book that had a passage describing a boy's feelings as he rode home in a carriage after an adventurous day. I stopped and said something like, "Oh! I love that feeling of coziness at the end of the day, don't you?" My son--maybe 5 or 6 at the time--looked at me blankly and said, "I don't know what you're talking about." I went on to describe coziness: Contentment. Emotional warmth. You know--quiet happiness after a great day? Nothing.

 

I won't lie. This troubled me for a bit. Who doesn't get this kind of emotion? Was I raising a robot?

 

Fast forward a couple of years and we're reading together one of the Humphrey books (about a hamster in a classroom). We get to the last page and it's my turn to read. So I finish--it's a cute ending to what was (for me) a perfectly forgettable book--and turn to him to find him all choked up. What is going on here?! "I'm just sad that it's over. I'm going to miss Humphrey."

 

So he's not a robot. He's interested in and moved by and expressive about different things than I am. It's okay.

[73349]

I'm not an emotional person when I read either. I mean, I read with emotion but I have never had a book move me to tears. Except one. "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" A DR. SEUSS book for crying out loud! (no pun intended) I read it for the first time as an adult to my oldest daughter - she may have been 8 or less. I got that catch in the voice, etc., but continued on. She looked at me like I had 5 eyes, wondering what was wrong with me.

 

I also agree with previous posters that they will be moved by different things than you. I remember reading The Three Little Pigs to a prek class (I'm a teacher), and a couple of students were really upset that those pigs had to leave home to live by themselves. I think part of it was cultural, but they couldn't fathom why they would want to leave their mother, or why the mother would want them to leave, or why did they each had to live in separate houses. They felt better about the three pigs living together in the end, but still felt terrible for the poor mom who was by herself. And where was the dad in all that?

 

How many of you have thought those pigs like that? Yeah. Kids can think and be emotionally different from us.

 

:iagree:

 

I once read DS (maybe 4yo?) Jack and the Beanstalk. He wondered if the giant's wife would be lonely.

[RootAnn]

My oldest is 13 and I was considering having him read Flowers for Algernon. At this point, I'm not sure what to do. When I read it, I cried and cried at the ending and was heartbroken. I'm not sure whether my 13 year old would be touched like that at the book or if he's still too young to fully get it. And I have to decide: do I have him read it now when it might not crush him, or wait for him to be older and let it crush him like it crushed me? Or has he finally turned the corner and would be crushed by the ending now and I should wait until he's more mature to handle being crushed? Parenting is so stinkin' hard sometimes!

 

Are there two versions of Flowers for Algernon? (This came up with DH when we were talking about the two versions of the Diary of Anne Frank.) Don't know for sure . . . Just thought I'd mention the possibility.

 

My kids think it's really funny that I cry at books. Except my middle son who is fairly empathetic. He will cry if I cry but only because he sees  me crying and not because he thinks the book is sad. 

 

I have a couple who will cry if I cry. I don't think they'd ever cry on their own about a book.

 

This reminds me...my daughter went through a stage where she would watch my face and listen for that catch in my voice so she could rush a kleenex over to me, LOL! I don't know if she got anything out of those particular books, but she was armed and ready if mom cried!

 

My sons are like this. Ever since I was pregnant with my first kid, I've turned into quite the waterworks. I can't help crying at some books (Charlotte-yes, Anne of Green Gables-yes!). They know to go grab the tissues. It has been worse since my dad died, however. They warn me not to start crying at even the thought of anything that has to do with my dad - tools, stories, pictures, etc.

[Garga]

I'm not an emotional person when I read either. I mean, I read with emotion but I have never had a book move me to tears. Except one. "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" A DR. SEUSS book for crying out loud! (no pun intended) I read it for the first time as an adult to my oldest daughter - she may have been 8 or less. I got that catch in the voice, etc., but continued on. She looked at me like I had 5 eyes, wondering what was wrong with me.

 

I also agree with previous posters that they will be moved by different things than you. I remember reading The Three Little Pigs to a prek class (I'm a teacher), and a couple of students were really upset that those pigs had to leave home to live by themselves. I think part of it was cultural, but they couldn't fathom why they would want to leave their mother, or why the mother would want them to leave, or why did they each had to live in separate houses. They felt better about the three pigs living together in the end, but still felt terrible for the poor mom who was by herself. And where was the dad in all that?

 

How many of you have thought those pigs like that? Yeah. Kids can think and be emotionally different from us.

I get choked up at the ending of Yertle the Turtle.

 

"...all the turtles are free,

as turtles, and maybe, all creatures should be."

 

Oh gosh. It just makes me cry.