What *Do* You Talk About Around Casual Friends/Acquaintances?

[Ginevra]

I was thinking about this recently as I was sitting around with some moms I don't know well. One mom was talking about some event she attended. Her tone was disgrunteled and sort of hard to please. Her description may even have been accurate for all I know, but her attitude made a strongly negative impression on me. Actually, she reminded me of a friend whom I do know well: Miss Malcontent. Nice enough person, but prone to "going off" about some situation that doesn't meet her expectations. This habit makes her hard to be around.

 

So clearly, negative reports are one possible subject better avoided in casual company, right?

 

OTOH, I think we can also go wrong by blowing sunshine and lollipops all the time. I know some women like this and people feel like, "Ehhh. She's nice and all, but hanging out with her is like hanging out with the Cardinal." Or, if the mom is talking about things in her life - her incredible vacations, her magnificent children, her amazing house, etc - well, we don't like that, either. Nobody wants to be around Miss Perfect, either.

 

Religion? No. Politics? Ditto. Maybe current events, but not if they veer into religion or politics. I don't care about celebrities or pop culture, so nix those topics. Special interests or hobbies only work if the friends have at least a passing interest in those things or are intellectually curious enough to engage.

 

So, what sort of comfortable topics do you think are nice to discuss with casual friends?

[Ottakee]

Horses? Then again that gets sticky as well :-)

[klmama]

We tend to talk about our kids' activities, our gardens, where to buy the best/cheapest item, or why we would buy/not buy something again. 

 

 

[73349]

What we've been up to since last time we saw each other, kids/grandkids if applicable, work, local/world events.

[MysteryJen]

All my casual acquaintances are related to sports, so swimming and judo. With men, also football.

 

What makes me want to poke my eyes out with some groups (some people...) are diet, specifically vegan, and exercise, specifically running, mileage and injuries. Or maybe it is just those people that make me want to poke out my eyes.

[SKL]

Well, I'm not necessarily the ideal when it comes to casual social encounters, but here goes.

 

My first choice is to talk about *their* kids.  Everyone's favorite subject, LOL.  If they don't have kids, then something they care about - their pets, their house project, their job, their retirement plans, their knitting.

 

When I'm upset or nervous about something, I may talk about my issue briefly, just to kind of say "the reason I look tired / crabby / crazy is my momentary issue, not you."  Sometimes I do go on too long about things when I'm really stressed out.  I'm not like that all the time, I promise.

 

More often than not, I don't say much of anything unless someone else engages me.

 

I manage to put my foot in my mouth more than I'd like.  Last week I was chatting with some very nice people about sofa beds.  How dangerous could that be?  Well my filter was obviously off (I've been under a lot of stress) and I said that my sofa bed was damaged because somebody FAT slept on it.  WHAT???  I don't talk like that ever, I don't judge fat people, I don't even notice who's fat around me.  For that matter, I've been getting kinda fat myself.  After I said it I subtly checked to see if anyone around me was heavy.  Yep.  The nice lady right next to me, who did not deserve that at all.  UGH.  And people wonder why I feel safer saying nothing at all.  [re the sofa bed, my then-teen brother and his friend, both about 6' tall and hefty, had slept on the bed, and it wasn't an expensive one to begin with.  So yeah, it was the weight that damaged it, but did I need to say it that way?]  Story of my life.  :p

[MercyA]

I organize our co-op's Mom's Night Out get-togethers, and we always end up on the same topic: labor and delivery stories. That probably wouldn't work in mixed groups, though.  :D

 

We like to talk about our kids, what our husbands have been doing, shopping (mostly where to find a bargain), seasonal activities (canning, gardening, vacations, Christmas), pets and farm animals, and, of course, homeschooling. 

[J-rap]

Usually I'll bring up the thing we had in common in the first place (maybe we both had kids in the same activity at one time, for example).  So, I'll ask them how their kids are doing, where they're going to college now, etc.  If they're a farmer (like many are in this area), I'll ask them how their harvest is going.  If the weather is nice and I know they walk regularly, I'll ask them if they're taking advantage of the nice weather and what walking routes do they recommend.  If I know they sew a lot, I'll ask them what big sewing projects they have going on.  Things like that.  I've gotten pretty good at keeping small talk going by asking questions.

[PrincessMommy]

I don't do casual talk too well... but I do like to talk about books.

 

Usually I'll ask someone if they've read anything interesting lately... I find that's a nice way to engage someone about something that interests them.

 

The other thing is I don't like to talk about myself.  It makes me very uncomfortable.  So I'd much rather deflect the conversation onto someone else.

 

Another topic might be favorite vacation spots and/or vacation plans.  It's always fun to get some ideas from other people's plans.

 

YMMV

[FaithManor]

Really not much. If I am not good friends with most of the people in the group, I say very little unless to exchange greetings and speculate about the weather. I find that our culture has become too easily offended and too confrontational for casual conversation.

 

When waiting at activities, I take a book and read or paperwork and give significant attention to it. I probably appear boring or shy which I am not. But it saves a lot of drama and uncomfortable moments.

[Desert Strawberry]

Family, work, hobbies. 

I tend toward quick intimacy, so we might talk about very personal subjects, like childbirth, medical concerns, marital issues. 

We always have something in common, or something I aspire to, like knitting or organic farming. 

I'm open to talking about pretty much anything, so my conversations tend to sprawl out all over the place.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It depends on where I know them from.  Neighbors - we generally talk about neighbor stuff.  Not gossip but about the lady who rented goats and how we might want to try that too.  About the new subdivision they are talking about putting in.  And about how their garden is going or . . .   Church people - might ask about updates to a prayer request we've been praying for.  Ask about their kids.  Talk about how we really like the new hymn that we sang.  Or ask if they are going to the fair or a new movie that just came out.  In fact, that last sentence would be the kind of topic I talk about to really anyone - including the cashiers at the grocery store.  It's casual - no one wants or expects a detailed review but those sorts of questions can really open up conversation and help you to get to know people.  

[marbel]

It really dependson the group. 

 

Mostly these days I am around families with young kids. So we talk about kids a lot.  People with little kids seem to like asking people with older kids questions to get reassurance.  We also talk about books, and homeschooling/other forms of education. 

 

With my group of homeschooling moms with kids close to mine in age, we talk about the challenges of older teens, the horrors of teaching driving, college, stuff like that. 

 

I am sort of in a weird spot in my life.  I am old enough to be a grandma, but my kids are in high school. The women I know who are my age seem old and cranky.  I like being around the younger people but they look at me as a mom figure, not really a friend.  That's not a complaint, just a statement of fact.  Of course they look at me that way!

 

Mostly I am quiet and listen to others, and put in comments when I have something useful to say.  I like having people at my house so I can faciliate conversation but be in the background, pouring more wine or making more coffee, etc.  :-)

[Pink and Green Mom]

In no particular order:  kids, high school plans for said kids, the fact that teenaged boys are moody and uncommunicative, sports (college and professional).  These seem to be the chatty conversations at my older son's baseball games.

 

Hanging out in the mom's lounge at homeschool co-op the topics include weekend plans, curriculum, nearby places to go out to eat lunch, bitching about being over scheduled, what's for dinner, and just general venting.  We sort of have a "no bragging about what geniuses your children are" rule.  Because honestly, nothing gets older faster than that.  If a mom veers into that vicinity all conversation pretty much shuts down and people take out their phones and do other things.

[creekland]

We talk about whatever we have in common or whatever is in the news.

 

Sometimes to get to know each other better we talk about past events in our lives, but not deep past events IYKWIM.

 

I've yet to come across a situation where I can't find decent conversation topics of some sort.

[Guest]

Family, work, hobbies.

I tend toward quick intimacy, so we might talk about very personal subjects, like childbirth, medical concerns, marital issues.

We always have something in common, or something I aspire to, like knitting or organic farming.

I'm open to talking about pretty much anything, so my conversations tend to sprawl out all over the place.

So have you stumbled into regrettable territory? If yes, is there any way to save the conversation?

 

So, here's an analogous incident to something that happened to me. I said something like, "...so, do you think you'll take the kids pumpkin-picking at The Pumpkin Farm?" And the mom I asked turned instantly cloudy and barked about how overpriced it was and how she had a miserable time and she would never do *that* again as long as she lived... Is there any way to save this conversation or change topics? I didn't know what to say, "Wow. Sorry you had such a lousy experience. We go every year and my kids look forward to it." It also just killed any further conversation in that setting and made me self-conscious about any new thing I might have asked her.

[Mimm]

Homeschooling and our kids. All my casual acquaintances are homeschooling moms.

[Pink and Green Mom]

So have you stumbled into regrettable territory? If yes, is there any way to save the conversation?

 

So, here's an analogous incident to something that happened to me. I said something like, "...so, do you think you'll take the kids pumpkin-picking at The Pumpkin Farm?" And the mom I asked turned instantly cloudy and barked about how overpriced it was and how she had a miserable time and she would never do *that* again as long as she lived... Is there any way to save this conversation or change topics? I didn't know what to say, "Wow. Sorry you had such a lousy experience. We go every year and my kids look forward to it." It also just killed any further conversation in that setting and made me self-conscious about any new thing I might have asked her.

 

In that case it is not you, it is them and that is someone I'd avoid like the plague in the future. 

 

Some people are like that - unhappy about everything or complain about everything and it is very hard to have any sort of conversation.  It is a drain and not enjoyable. That is when I get up to stretch my legs or do something on my phone.

 

Or if further conversation is a must, as to your example above, I would say something like "do your kids have a favorite fall activity? We are always looking for new things to do." 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Family, work, hobbies. 

I tend toward quick intimacy, so we might talk about very personal subjects, like childbirth, medical concerns, marital issues. 

We always have something in common, or something I aspire to, like knitting or organic farming. 

I'm open to talking about pretty much anything, so my conversations tend to sprawl out all over the place.

 

This is very similar to my reply. I would also say it depends on the person, too. There are some subjects I'm happy to discuss with some friends that I won't go anywhere near with other friends, because their opinions are so very strong (and laughably under-informed, IMO). I'm aware that I'm not going to change anyone's mind on anything, and others are very unlikely to change my mind. When those conversations start, I get up and go to the bathroom or go get something to drink. I don't avoid any topics in general, but there are topics I do avoid with certain people. I'm a major introvert, though, so often, I'll wander off to find something to keep my hands busy or find a quiet place to read if I can. If I'm at the table and chatting, it means I'm having a good social day :lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

So have you stumbled into regrettable territory? If yes, is there any way to save the conversation?

 

So, here's an analogous incident to something that happened to me. I said something like, "...so, do you think you'll take the kids pumpkin-picking at The Pumpkin Farm?" And the mom I asked turned instantly cloudy and barked about how overpriced it was and how she had a miserable time and she would never do *that* again as long as she lived... Is there any way to save this conversation or change topics? I didn't know what to say, "Wow. Sorry you had such a lousy experience. We go every year and my kids look forward to it." It also just killed any further conversation in that setting and made me self-conscious about any new thing I might have asked her.

I would laugh and say "oops!  I guess I shouldn't have asked about that!"  and I might ask "So, is there somewhere you do like to go?"  It keeps things light.  Usually people will laugh too and say something like "sorry.  I guess that pushed my buttons!"  If they don't. . . well, I don't put any blame on myself.  I mean, there is no reason to be like that in casual conversation.  Most people I'm around even casually know that and will apologize if they were simply having a particularly bad day.  

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I find that our culture has become too easily offended and too confrontational for casual conversation.

 

I agree. I'm not that easily offended, but I can't abide the confrontational nature of so many conversations. There's no friendly discussion anymore, only assumption that everyone agrees, and if you don't agree, you're an idiot. And that really goes both ways on most issues!

[Guest]

I would laugh and say "oops! I guess I shouldn't have asked about that!" and I might ask "So, is there somewhere you do like to go?" It keeps things light. Usually people will laugh too and say something like "sorry. I guess that pushed my buttons!" If they don't. . . well, I don't put any blame on myself. I mean, there is no reason to be like that in casual conversation. Most people I'm around even casually know that and will apologize if they were simply having a particularly bad day.

I need to get better at diffusing tension like this. I think it's distressing to me when someone is unhappy and it leaves me a little panicked like, "Oh no! She's upset! How do I fix it?!"

[medawyn]

Here's a rundown of chat opportunities I've had in the past 10 days.  We've been VERY social, as my MIL was in town for 2 weeks, and it does a body good to get out of the house  :lol:

 

Moms at a once a month park day: easy kids stuff: other parks to visit/things to do as the weather changes; where to find clothes/shoes/services at reasonable prices; some "issue" sympathy (sleeping/potty training//teething); the most controversial thing I stumbled into was mentioning that my son might not go to preschool next year, and really I know better than to mention anything about preschool in this area, so that's on me

 

Moms at my standing weekly play group: EVERYTHING! But this doesn't really fall under your rubric, since we've gotten together weekly for over a year now, so we've hashed out all topics, know our sensitive places, etc.  

 

Waiting for a tour to start on a day trip with DH: chatted with the honeymooning couple about their wedding and honeymoon plans; chatted with the anniversary couple about why they'd chosen the area for their anniversary and what else they were planning

 

Dinner party we hosted for work people: Range of ages here (25ish to mid 50ish), mix of genders, and married/single: sports (the first hockey game for the local team was that evening, plus post season baseball, and college football), apartment hunting advice for the two new-to-the-area guests, recipe swaps, as little work talk as I could manage, favorite travel destinations, holiday plans

 

Mom's Night Out hosted by a local mom's group: again, mostly kid stuff; most were moms of littles like myself, so this tended toward the advice and experiences - potty training, toddler challenges, dealing with new baby, etc.  The conversation was much more "in depth" than park mom's day, but still not super personal.  I avoided preschool talk here  :coolgleamA:

 

Weekly music class: these are moms I see mostly weekly, but only for about 5 min of chatting, usual conversation revolves around the kids, but weekend plans are often discussed (it's a Friday class)

 

(Edited for kitten killing)

[Jean in Newcastle]

3 different casual conversations recently:

 

Lady 1 - talked about golf and her daughter since her dd is a rising start in women's golf.  I know nothing about the subject but I can still ooh and aah with the best of them.  And I find it interesting to find out about things totally outside of my range of knowledge.  She asked me about my kids.  

 

Lady 2 - talked about what classes she's taking at the Y and which ones she enjoys the most.  Talked about the instructor that we both miss.  Talked about my current workouts since I'm not taking any classes at the moment.

 

Lady 3 - talked about how dd and I are learning Spanish.  She's hispanic.  She talked about the difficulty of keeping her kids bilingual.  I talked about how I've given up on teaching my kids Japanese.  I asked about her baking business.  

[Guest]

I agree. I'm not that easily offended, but I can't abide the confrontational nature of so many conversations. There's no friendly discussion anymore, only assumption that everyone agrees, and if you don't agree, you're an idiot. And that really goes both ways on most issues!

I think this is true, but why do you think this is? Is it because many of us are used to communicating on-line, where conveesation is usually more conflict-driven? Do we communicate through screens so frequently now that we have lost the art of talking and body language and keeping things real but light?

 

And I'm speaking as much for myself as the culture at large. I feel like a social idiot sometimes. This medium is so much easier because you can reconsider, delete, not communicate through facial expression, etc.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

So have you stumbled into regrettable territory? If yes, is there any way to save the conversation?

 

So, here's an analogous incident to something that happened to me. I said something like, "...so, do you think you'll take the kids pumpkin-picking at The Pumpkin Farm?" And the mom I asked turned instantly cloudy and barked about how overpriced it was and how she had a miserable time and she would never do *that* again as long as she lived... Is there any way to save this conversation or change topics? I didn't know what to say, "Wow. Sorry you had such a lousy experience. We go every year and my kids look forward to it." It also just killed any further conversation in that setting and made me self-conscious about any new thing I might have asked her.

 

This is a tough one for me. I could see myself responding in a similar way if I'd had an unexpectedly bad experience somewhere. I wouldn't bark about it, but I might be emphatic about how unhappy I was about what had happened there if my experience was that bad. Or I might have just had too much coffee and was having a bad moment and would think about it later and squirm about my annoyed reply. I would say it might just be something you have to be able to brush off, unless this is someone is like that about everything. Then I would say don't sit next to her anymore!

 

Maybe I'm less sensitive to that stuff socially? I think, depending on how loud the barking was, my reply might be something like, "Oh no, that's terrible! We love that place and go every year! What happened that was so bad?!"

[kewb]

I tend to smile and nod instead of talking. Most of my casual acquaintances are other swim moms. So the conversation will be about the swim meet, the coaches, location of the next swim meet. If it is not swim related then we talk about what the kids are up to, the weather, happenings in town. Surface conversations. Nothing too deep.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I think this is true, but why do you think this is? Is it because many of us are used to communicating on-line, where conveesation is usually more conflict-driven? Do we communicate through screens so frequently now that we have lost the art of talking and body language and keeping things real but light?

 

And I'm speaking as much for myself as the culture at large. I feel like a social idiot sometimes. This medium is so much easier because you can reconsider, delete, not communicate through facial expression, etc.

 

I really don't know, but I'm sure that's a very big part of it. I'm not going to phrase this well (trying to hurry, need to run out soon!) but sometimes I wonder if/when society started letting kids think that their opinions are always valid, so they grow up not learning about gray areas and two (or more!) sides to every story? Does that make sense? I feel like I see that around me a lot, but then again, we're talking about adults here. And then I also think about people my grandparents' age, and they're pretty dang opinionated and set in their thinking, so surely it's not unique to our generation! So I don't know what the answer is. Maybe I'm just romanticizing the past in thinking that there was politer discourse then. 

 

And don't get me wrong, I feel like I'm not stellar at social stuff either, which is why I try to avoid it :lol: I just mainly keep my mouth shut in order to keep from putting my foot in it. 

 

ETA: I'm going to be thinking about this all day now :lol: Maybe a lot of us (myself included) just aren't good at keeping things real but light? Like Desert Strawberry upthread, I tend to quick intimacy. I'm terrible at small talk. I don't want to talk about the weather or books or whatever. If that was the conversation around the table, I'd wander off. If someone asked me about a place where I had a bad experience, I probably wouldn't hold back from mentioning my experience there, because that was my real experience, you know? (Though I'd like to think I wouldn't be so angry about that I'd have people stressing over my reply! Some people are just like that though.) And if someone shared that with me, I'd be interested to know what terrible thing had happened to them there. To me that's interesting conversation and not inappropriate for casual settings. So maybe we're just talking about different styles here? 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Most people I know are adept at keeping things light.  But I have run into people on occasion who will assume that I share a political or theological view with them and I don't.  I tend to difflect those conversations because I have no intention of explaining my views in depth in a casual context.  Last month I actually ran into a conspiracy theorist who was spouting off.  Dh was laughing across the room at me because he knew that man was like that.  I was mad at him for not warning me to stay away!  I did a lot of "mmmm" sounds to indicate that I was listening but I did not engage.  I extricated myself as quickly as I could.  

 

On the flip side, I've had simple "how are things going" turn into very serious conversations at times.  Like the time I asked that question and the woman burst into tears because her husband had just left her.  I led her into a private corner and we talked for an hour.  My kids have learned to quietly occupy themselves if it looks like I've gotten into one of those kinds of conversations.  Most of those conversations are ones where I do a lot of heavy listening.  

[Laura Corin]

British people do indeed default to talking about the weather.  We have an awful lot of weather, so there's always something to discuss.

 

Other things: people who have moved in or out of the area; new houses; road works; concerts; yoga; children; universities; holidays (vacations); jobs; gardens; hobbies; dogs...  doesn't sound too thrilling, does it?

[Dmmetler]

Whatever the common thread is. So, at cheer, we talk about cheer, the tumbling skills pur girls are working on, where to buy cheer shoes, how to curl hair, etc. At a homeschool thing, mostly we talk about kids and homeschool life. With DD's mentors, we talk about DD and their kids, about herp conferences, and about the frustrations of teaching college students. I rarely get deeper than that with most people.

[regentrude]

When I get together with moms from our homeschool group/women's circle or colleagues from work, we talk about whatever goes on in our lives:

work (the good and the bad), family issues, what our kids are doing, hikes we did over the weekend, the book a friend published, the pottery another friend made, plans for travel, conferences somebody attended, upcoming events, books, movies, performances we saw and recommend (or don't).

Sometimes deep discussions about political or religious issues, too.

 

Some depends on the group.

Naturally, conversations with colleagues from work may include discussions about common issues we have with the university administration or educational politics in general that I would not have with the ladies in my women's circle. Conversely, political issues centered around women, or breastfeeding, and birth education come up with my women's circle, but not with my male physicist friends. With my rock climbing friends, we talk a lot about climbing.

 

 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I'm supposed to talk?

 

 

Books, kids, kids activities, upcoming community events, plans for holidays, weather, that sort of stuff.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Nothing.  I don't say much.  I nod and smile and count the ceiling tiles hoping to pass the time so I can do something else.

 

I really don't like small talk.

[mellifera33]

Goofy things that kids do is my favorite conversation topic. I find it's a good way to talk about our kids without devolving into "my kid's smarter/cuter/more athletic than your kid." 

[regentrude]

Nothing.  I don't say much.  I nod and smile and count the ceiling tiles hoping to pass the time so I can do something else.

I really don't like small talk.

 

What does the term "small talk" mean to you? I promise I'm not being snarky!

 

I don't consider people's lives a "small" matter. I am genuinely interested to hear what is going on in their lives - otherwise, why would I talk to friends and acquaintances at all?

That C became a grandma, M published her book of poetry, G got her equipment to work, L has photos in a show, S is worried about her very ill mother, J's kid is struggling in school, H is looking for people to help paint, C's husband is having a flare of his chronic illness - these are not small things. These are their lives. Listening to people share about their lives, offering support, advice, commiseration, one's own sharing - that's the glue that holds communities together. I don't think we should call this "small". It is no less important than debating politics, current events, philosophy. In fact, I would argue that it is impossible to have the "big" talks and topics without the specific experiences of individuals.

[MEmama]

Mostly I just find myself listening to other people's drama. In general, I don't like to talk about myself much, but on occasion I do like to be asked, you know?

[SparklyUnicorn]

What does the term "small talk" mean to you? I promise I'm not being snarky!

 

I don't consider people's lives a "small" matter. I am genuinely interested to hear what is going on in their lives - otherwise, why would I talk to friends and acquaintances at all?

That C became a grandma, M published her book of poetry, G got her equipment to work, L has photos in a show, S is worried about her very ill mother, J's kid is struggling in school, H is looking for people to help paint, C's husband is having a flare of his chronic illness - these are not small things. These are their lives. Listening to people share about their lives, offering support, advice, commiseration, one's own sharing - that's the glue that holds communities together. I don't think we should call this "small". It is no less important than debating politics, current events, philosophy. In fact, I would argue that it is impossible to have the "big" talks and topics without the specific experiences of individuals.

 

That's a fair question.  I once listened to a woman talk for an hour about how she stopped using shampoo and what that was like.  Another time I listened to a woman talk about celebrity gossip she read about in a tabloid. 

[regentrude]

That's a fair question.  I once listened to a woman talk for an hour about how she stopped using shampoo and what that was like.  Another time I listened to a woman talk about celebrity gossip she read about in a tabloid. 

 

Ouch. yeah, I can see that these would be conversations where I'd wish to be some place else, too.

 

I am very fortunate that nobody I know cares a bit about celebrities.

[creekland]

There's no friendly discussion anymore, only assumption that everyone agrees, and if you don't agree, you're an idiot. And that really goes both ways on most issues!

 

I'm glad I don't live in your world.  It's pretty easy to discuss things in my circle of friends and acquaintances.  A few might have strong opinions and voice them, of course, but discussion is still fine.  In my circle of friends some of what we discuss at times are our differences - and we're still friends.

[Desert Strawberry]

I need to get better at diffusing tension like this. I think it's distressing to me when someone is unhappy and it leaves me a little panicked like, "Oh no! She's upset! How do I fix it?!"

It's not your problem to fix. 

It's good to have a pocket full of validating, understanding phrases handy in case some things go south, "I'm so sorry you had that experience." "That sounds awful." "Oh no! How did you handle that?"

But really someone who is just sour in general, always bringing you down, liking for an outlet to spite venom, you can't fix  that. You can accept them as they are-my husband and one of my closest friends are like this. They have wonderful qualities, too, and their negativity is not *my* negativity. I am happy to bring some light into their darkness-or limit your contact I'd is not something you can balance. I had to cut off contact with my SIL whom I loved dearly because her drama was just too much for me. When her problems became my problems, I had to step away to save myself. I am sad, I've missed out on a lot because of this choice, but I had to do it for my sanity and the well being of my own family.

As pp mentioned, there are topics I avoid unless I know my audience agrees with me, or at least isn't vehemently opposed to my views-politics, vaccinations, education, parenting. I know my views aren't the most popular. I am selective in whom I share them with.

But if this last is flipping out on you over a pumpkin patch, well. There's no safe topic to discuss.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Ouch. yeah, I can see that these would be conversations where I'd wish to be some place else, too.

 

I am very fortunate that nobody I know cares a bit about celebrities.

 

The worst thing is that woman told the same celebrity gossip story more than once.  I don't mind listening to what interests other people, but ya know at least get a different celebrity gossip story to talk about.  LOL

[marbel]

We seem to be the only people that did not really enjoy our pumpkin patch outing so I try to avoid discussing it with the locals. There are 3-4 places and the descriptions sound similar. I do want to check out one we have not gone to but have no desire to return to the one we went to. We are not on the same page as others.

 

Lol I am so socially awkward I asked a mom I just met if she was going to a pumpkin patch event after she said she does not observe Halloween. Then I jokingly said I had no idea why I asked her that as I doubt she collects pumpkins. At least we could laugh about it. She said she has not observed it thus far but was thinking of attending the upcoming fall/spooky party we are having.

 

:-)   We mostly don't observe Halloween but we liked a good pumpkin patch trip and I still like to decorate with pumpkins and other fall stuff! 

 

 

[marbel]

Re: "small talk."  I think of that as stuff I talk about with people I don't really know; for example, when I was sitting around the pool watching my kids take their lessons, I'd engage in small talk with another mom.  Sometimes if there was some sort of link it might turn into something more.    I don't have many opportunities for much small talk anymore because I'm not usually in situations where I don't know someone well and there's no reason to think a deeper relationship will develop. 

 

Mostly now I meet new people at church, and if there is a visitor usually they are checking out the church so want more than chit chat - they have questions about the church life, or the area (if they have recently moved here).  I guess that might seem small-talkish, but it's for a purpose other than passing the time. 

 

I am not very good at talking about popular culture, but most people I know aren't really into it either.  For some reason there is a group of friends who get on the topic of classic rock fairly regularly, but I don't consider that small talk at all.  :-)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm a fairly good conversationalist.  I will tell a funny story about one of the pets and people will all start talking about their funny pet  stories.  Or I'll tell about one of our science disasters and even if people don't homeschool, they will reminesce about the science fair or Mr. Potter's chemistry class where they burned a whole in the table.  My kids will keep thing going when things lag by saying "Mom, have you told them about. . . ."  And like Regentrude, I'm truly interested in people.  I had a fascinating conversation a couple of months ago with a middle aged neighbor who is an avid skateboarder.  I didn't know that there was skateboard tourism.  Fascinating!  

[J-rap]

What does the term "small talk" mean to you? I promise I'm not being snarky!

 

I don't consider people's lives a "small" matter. I am genuinely interested to hear what is going on in their lives - otherwise, why would I talk to friends and acquaintances at all?

That C became a grandma, M published her book of poetry, G got her equipment to work, L has photos in a show, S is worried about her very ill mother, J's kid is struggling in school, H is looking for people to help paint, C's husband is having a flare of his chronic illness - these are not small things. These are their lives. Listening to people share about their lives, offering support, advice, commiseration, one's own sharing - that's the glue that holds communities together. I don't think we should call this "small". It is no less important than debating politics, current events, philosophy. In fact, I would argue that it is impossible to have the "big" talks and topics without the specific experiences of individuals.

Maybe "small talk" is in the attitude?  Or perhaps moreso, it's dependent on the circumstances in which it takes place?  If I'm in line at the grocery store standing next to an acquaintance, for example, we might say a few lines back and forth while we wait, but we know we only have a few minutes plus we're in earshot of other people, so it remains quite surfacy.

 

Otherwise, if I'm actually sitting next to someone at an event and have more time to talk, I think I usually enter every conversation in the hopes of digging deeper, even if it starts out very surfacy or if it's someone I don't know at all or don't have much in common with.  I enjoy doing that.

 

On the other hand, if they only want to talk about what color to paint their bathroom door for an hour, I'd get bored pretty quickly!  And if it's gossip or a lot of negative or something unkind, I'd change the subject pronto or find a way to leave.

[trulycrabby]

We're supposed to talk to people? :o

[Lang Syne Boardie]

What does the term "small talk" mean to you? I promise I'm not being snarky!

 

I don't consider people's lives a "small" matter. I am genuinely interested to hear what is going on in their lives - otherwise, why would I talk to friends and acquaintances at all?

That C became a grandma, M published her book of poetry, G got her equipment to work, L has photos in a show, S is worried about her very ill mother, J's kid is struggling in school, H is looking for people to help paint, C's husband is having a flare of his chronic illness - these are not small things. These are their lives. Listening to people share about their lives, offering support, advice, commiseration, one's own sharing - that's the glue that holds communities together. I don't think we should call this "small". It is no less important than debating politics, current events, philosophy. In fact, I would argue that it is impossible to have the "big" talks and topics without the specific experiences of individuals.

 

This is not at all what I consider small talk. I agree that this is big talk.

 

In my region of the country, small talk is what is attempted during those times when strangers (or near strangers) are forced to spend some time together (probably while waiting for something), and need to fill the air space with some friendly chat. They have no intention of becoming more closely acquainted, and no interest in being unpleasant or controversial.

 

These "small talk" topics might include the weather (and all the things people have to do to prepare for it or recover from it), whether any of us attended the local autumn festival, a comment on a lady's beautiful crocheted scarf that might lead to chitchat about handicrafts, a polite comment about the prettiness or niceness of a little child - which gives Grandma or Mom a chance to talk about the child...

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

We're supposed to talk to people? :o

 

You can come sit in the kitchen with me and read. I won't make you talk, I promise! :D

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm socializing more these days b/c my DH is working out of state through the week, so I'm doing all the driving to kids' activities and (mildly) attempting to make more local friends so I won't be as lonely while DH is gone.

 

I've met some very lovely people for whom I'm very thankful, but I do note that the majority of people seem to have lost their conversation skills (or never learnt). Without tremendous care, one quickly finds oneself on the receiving end of too much negative venting, too much very personal sharing, or too much assumption that we all are in agreement on controversial issues. I smile and nod until my cheeks hurt, and go home missing the good old days when we didn't discuss religion, politics, or sex with new acquaintances.