umsami Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I guess texasmama answered the question of whether or not the pastor is still obligated to report it. I'm sorry. That's not the answer I was hoping for. How are you doing? I don't think Texasmama is saying that the OP or her husband (or the pastor) can't go to the police and report it. Once again, let the professionals handle it. As a survivor of abuse, I would report. Nothing may happen to him. But, he abused his daughter over many many years. It wasn't a one time deal. I find it highly unlikely that he would stop. It went on way too long and he got away with it basically. I would at least want him to know that the authorities are aware of him and are watching. In a way, I feel that his giving out the letters is like daring people to do something. Well, I'd take that dare. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 The thing that keeps coming back to me is that others in your church know about what this man has done, yet as far as you know, no one has taken any action. I find this to be extremely disturbing, and I strongly recommend that you and your dh approach your pastor and ask him point blank what he is going to do, and if his answer is anything other than that he has already reported the man to the police, you tell him you will be finding another church immediately. If your church is willing to cover up for a man who has made a confession in writing, how many other confessed perverts might be sitting in the pew next to you on Sundays? What kind of pastor would let an admitted child molester off without the slightest punishment? Why would the other church members be even remotely OK with what the man has done? This whole situation is wrong on so many levels. I think you and your dh have a lot of thinking to do about whether or not this is really the best church environment for your family. Ideally, I am hoping you approach your pastor and he is as concerned as you are, and he tells you he has already reported the man to the police and he encourages you to do the same -- but you won't know until you question him about it. On one hand we're talking about the OP reporting quietly so nobody knows it is her. On the other hand we're saying since she doesn't know of others reporting it, nobody has and therefore they are all scumbuckets. Most likely everyone who has received that letter has gone through the same agony the OP is going through. Several may have or may be planning to report. They probably don't want to get up in the pulpit and announce it, for the same reason the OP does not. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I was kinda wondering about her rights in all this? At this point, I think reporting the man is more about protecting future victims than it is about the now-grown daughter. I do feel badly for her if it turns out that this is being brought out into the open against her wishes, but this man is a child molester, and I don't believe this was only a "one victim and it was only mild stuff and it was many years ago" situation, so he needs to be reported. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Good point umsami. I'm still waiting for a call back from my pastor. I will still report back. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 The thing that keeps coming back to me is that others in your church know about what this man has done, yet as far as you know, no one has taken any action. I find this to be extremely disturbing, and I strongly recommend that you and your dh approach your pastor and ask him point blank what he is going to do, and if his answer is anything other than that he has already reported the man to the police, you tell him you will be finding another church immediately. If your church is willing to cover up for a man who has made a confession in writing, how many other confessed perverts might be sitting in the pew next to you on Sundays? What kind of pastor would let an admitted child molester off without the slightest punishment? Why would the other church members be even remotely OK with what the man has done? This whole situation is wrong on so many levels. I think you and your dh have a lot of thinking to do about whether or not this is really the best church environment for your family. Ideally, I am hoping you approach your pastor and he is as concerned as you are, and he tells you he has already reported the man to the police and he encourages you to do the same -- but you won't know until you question him about it. I keep wondering the same thing. If this goes unreported by so many, if this is an environment that allows this type of crime to be repented and not reported, how many other criminals are in the congregation? What other crimes have been committed? Who is sitting next to your family on Sunday? I can hardly believe this is a question, especially after the outrage over the Duggars, and all the people in the church who knew, but didn't report. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 On one hand we're talking about the OP reporting quietly so nobody knows it is her. On the other hand we're saying since she doesn't know of others reporting it, nobody has and therefore they are all scumbuckets. Most likely everyone who has received that letter has gone through the same agony the OP is going through. Several may have or may be planning to report. They probably don't want to get up in the pulpit and announce it, for the same reason the OP does not. I agree with you, and that is why I suggested that LavenderGirl and her dh speak directly with the pastor and find out what is going on. I am hoping she will find out that others have already reported the man and that she is encouraged to do the same. But I do have a problem with the idea that "they don't want to get up in the pulpit and announce it" because if they are worried that they will be scorned for reporting a confessed child molester... well... let's just say I wouldn't want to have anything to do with people who would cover up for a child molester. It sickens me to think anyone would let this go without reporting the man. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 She might be glad, sure. But - she might appreciate the sentiment or even the importance of action being taken, but still wish she would not have to deal with the police - that seems a little paternalistic to assume you would know what she would really want or need or know what is best for her. She might possibly even be a little angry if she sees it in terms of others claiming ownership of her experience, which would be a little unfair but not I think impossible to understand. I dare say she already knows that her family won't be the same as if it had never happened. Actually, what I was pointing out was that she may be initially upset that people reach into her family's affairs and report him. It would not be the first time I am seeing this. But EVENTUALLY, she may come to realize that people care about her by reporting it. I am not sure where paternalistic comes in? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy the Valiant Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 What would I personally do? 1. I'd contact the daughter (assuming you are still in contact with her). I'd tell her that I had received the letter, and that I was going to the police; did she want to go with me? 2. I'd call my pastor and ask if he had taken it to the police or if he wanted to go with me to do it. 3. I'd find out EXACTLY what steps the church has taken / measures they have put in place to deal with confessed child molesters and pedophiles, and I'd make 100% certain that those protections are followed to a T. 4. I'd talk to my husband and do a lot of praying about finding a new church and / or talking to my kids again, honestly (depending on a few other factors). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 The thing that keeps coming back to me is that others in your church know about what this man has done, yet as far as you know, no one has taken any action. I find this to be extremely disturbing, and I strongly recommend that you and your dh approach your pastor and ask him point blank what he is going to do, and if his answer is anything other than that he has already reported the man to the police, you tell him you will be finding another church immediately. If your church is willing to cover up for a man who has made a confession in writing, how many other confessed perverts might be sitting in the pew next to you on Sundays? What kind of pastor would let an admitted child molester off without the slightest punishment? Why would the other church members be even remotely OK with what the man has done? This whole situation is wrong on so many levels. I think you and your dh have a lot of thinking to do about whether or not this is really the best church environment for your family. Ideally, I am hoping you approach your pastor and he is as concerned as you are, and he tells you he has already reported the man to the police and he encourages you to do the same -- but you won't know until you question him about it. Even if child molesters who have been reported, tried, and punished could be sitting next to our kids at church. Is it better to have your kid sit next to a past offender who is penitent but may not have been legally punished, or one who has been punished but may not be penitent? Or one who is holding the secret from everyone? Or even a pedophile who is sorry and has done time, but still has hands to do it again if he so chose? Chances are your kid has sat next to one or all of these. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 On one hand we're talking about the OP reporting quietly so nobody knows it is her. On the other hand we're saying since she doesn't know of others reporting it, nobody has and therefore they are all scumbuckets. Most likely everyone who has received that letter has gone through the same agony the OP is going through. Several may have or may be planning to report. They probably don't want to get up in the pulpit and announce it, for the same reason the OP does not. I also think that if the pastor did do something concrete, it is very likely he would not make it public information. I would say that given that these letter circulated around, he should have addressed it with at least some people in the congregation. But there may be aspects of what went on that he views as confidential. I know when my parish has had occasion to take actions involving outside authorities it was kept within a very small group of people who had authority within the parish. It could be that authorities were contacted and it became clear that no action could be taken, for example - that would tend to leave the hands of the pastor rather tied. He can't be spreading gossip around. He still has an obligation as a pastor to this man and his family. He doesn't want the parish to be accused of some kind of slander either. It would be a difficult situation that might mostly involve telling this man that he needs to stay away from any significant contact with children in the parish or elsewhere, and perhaps quietly speaking to those in charge of the children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Even if child molesters who have been reported, tried, and punished could be sitting next to our kids at church. Is it better to have your kid sit next to a past offender who is penitent but may not have been legally punished, or one who has been punished but may not be penitent? Or one who is holding the secret from everyone? Or even a pedophile who is sorry and has done time, but still has hands to do it again if he so chose? Chances are your kid has sat next to one or all of these. So what is your point? Should LavenderGirl just let it go, and assume this pervert isn't, at this very moment, molesting a little girl in his neighborhood or a little girl at church, or his nieces, or his friends' daughters? Should she be fine with the idea that her fellow church members may not be outraged that a confessed child molester is being allowed to walk away scot-free simply because he said he was sorry??? I feel like I am missing your point here, so I hope you will clarify. What do you think should be done in this situation? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 This is the most unlikely of the many possible scenarios so it is a distraction to the OP's attempt to come to terms with what to do. If a mentally unstable person falsely confessed in letter form to multiple people 15 years after the fact, the police would determine this soon enough. The OP asked for possible reasons. People jumped right away to "this guy must be MUCH worse than he has written in his letter", which I think is a little unfair. He might be much worse, but not necessarily. So, I gave some other possible reasons. I'm not going to put percentage odds on each reason, since it's weird to confess out of the blue to something like that anyway and I don't have statistics on people who do. I already said that the police should be able to sort out what's up by talking to the guy and his daughter. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 So what is your point? Should LavenderGirl just let it go, and assume this pervert isn't, at this very moment, molesting a little girl in his neighborhood or a little girl at church, or his nieces, or his friends' daughters? Should she be fine with the idea that her fellow church members may not be outraged that a confessed child molester is being allowed to walk away scot-free simply because he said he was sorry??? I feel like I am missing your point here, so I hope you will clarify. I guess I'm getting the impression that church members don't want these types of sinners to be allowed to sit in the church pews. I think that goes against some tenets of the church and Christianity. The statute of limitations may well have passed. It may be impossible for him to be prosecuted. If that is the case then he's never going to be "punished" criminally, so does that change whether or not he should be allowed in church? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samm Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Maybe forcing this guy to write this letter was the pastor's idea in response to hearing this confession. That way the whole congregation is culpable. Surely someone will turn this guy in, is the thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 OP, I think you have to give the letter to the police. I think you should also list people you know to have received the letter in case they have violated their obligation to contact the police as mandatory reporters. I'm sorry, this is a hard position for you to be in. You might be the only person willing to contact the police or they may have already received 5 copies of the letter. You probably won't know for sure unless people talk about it at church. If no one addresses the issue and the sender continues to attend, I think you should stop attending and look for another church with explicit policies in place to protect children. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I guess I'm getting the impression that church members don't want these types of sinners to be allowed to sit in the church pews. I think that goes against some tenets of the church and Christianity. The statute of limitations may well have passed. It may be impossible for him to be prosecuted. If that is the case then he's never going to be "punished" criminally, so does that change whether or not he should be allowed in church? I think the act of writing and handing out the letter itself is a huge, red flag. That's why I would run from him. And yes, I would avoid repeated contact between child molesters and my children. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I would report to the police. I would also report to the police everyone who got the letter so they could find out who didn't report it. I would then follow up with police - in person, in a week to see who is handling the case. Of course not for details about it. Just to ensure it is being handled. I would then possibly rent some movies about people taking vengeance into there own hands. Realize how that would be an awful thing to do. Contact the police again to make sure it is being handled. And to find out what I personally can legally do to make sure the person can never again have access to children and that everyone he meets knows about it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I would report to the police. I would also report to the police everyone who got the letter so they could find out who didn't report it. I would then follow up with police - in person, in a week to see who is handling the case. Of course not for details about it. Just to ensure it is being handled. I would then possibly rent some movies about people taking vengeance into there own hands. Realize how that would be an awful thing to do. Contact the police again to make sure it is being handled. And to find out what I personally can legally do to make sure the person can never again have access to children and that everyone he meets knows about it. Why would you want to report the other people to the police? Do you think OP should be reported to the police for not having called them instantly upon receiving the letter? Do you believe every offender should wear a scarlet letter all their lives? That causes a lot of problems and hasn't been proven to prevent many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I wonder if he told the pastor, the pastor found out it was too late to prosecute, and the pastor made him humble himself to other church members in lieu of being legally punished. I realize we probably will never know why the man wrote and distributed the letters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I would report to the police. I would also report to the police everyone who got the letter so they could find out who didn't report it. I would then follow up with police - in person, in a week to see who is handling the case. Of course not for details about it. Just to ensure it is being handled. I would then possibly rent some movies about people taking vengeance into there own hands. Realize how that would be an awful thing to do. Contact the police again to make sure it is being handled. And to find out what I personally can legally do to make sure the person can never again have access to children and that everyone he meets knows about it. Good intentions but most of those will be for naught. Based on the information provided, while I believe the police should be notified just in case, my guess is the offender knew the SOL for his crimes had expired before putting this in writing. And based on the age of his daughter, I can't think of a state where they have not expired by this time. I am not sure if mandatory reporter laws kick in based on this confession, but it is possible the church elders did report it. Other than the pastor, I can see no reason why you believe the police should be given the name of everyone who received the letter. Finally, if the SOL has expired, there is no legal recourse in the hands of the OP, or anyone else, to make sure the offender is never around children again. It is reasonable for the OP to press the issue with her church to make sure he never has any contact with children there, and I would immediately leave if they did not take that seriously. And if the offender is truly repentant, he will agree to and follow those restrictions completely. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Why would you want to report the other people to the police? Do you think OP should be reported to the police for not having called them instantly upon receiving the letter? Do you believe every offender should wear a scarlet letter all their lives? That causes a lot of problems and hasn't been proven to prevent many. Scarlet letter? Not exactly, but those who are known to have preyed on children should be watched carefully by those in settings where children are present. While the legal system may not have the authority to do that here, the church certainly has a moral obligation to do so. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Scarlet letter? Not exactly, but those who are known to have preyed on children should be watched carefully by those in settings where children are present. While the legal system may not have the authority to do that here, the church certainly has a moral obligation to do so. I could understand the church setting guidelines for him and other known past offenders and just safety rules in general. But making sure everyone knows about his offense is not the way to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I wonder if he told the pastor, the pastor found out it was too late to prosecute, and the pastor made him humble himself to other church members in lieu of being legally punished. I realize we probably will never know why the man wrote and distributed the letters. Unless the pastor is the DA, then it isn't up to him to decide whether or not it's too late to prosecute. I'm certainly not an attorney, but I believe in most states the SOL regarding child sexual abuse can be quite complicated, and at least here it errs on the side of favoring the abused person(s). There is a former teacher here who was recently indicted for crimes that occurred almost thirty years ago. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 The reason I would report those who I know existed the letter is so that the police can figure out who was a mandated report and didn't report it. Because that is a crime. http://www.dorightbykids.org/am-i-a-mandated-reporter/what-can-happen-to-me-if-i-dont-report Mandated reporters who don't report are covering up crimes against children. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 At this point, I think reporting the man is more about protecting future victims than it is about the now-grown daughter. I do feel badly for her if it turns out that this is being brought out into the open against her wishes, but this man is a child molester, and I don't believe this was only a "one victim and it was only mild stuff and it was many years ago" situation, so he needs to be reported. No, I know. I was just feeling bad for her because in both situations he took her control- this time it feels like of the information by making sure it gets out and passing it out to a ton of different people. I mean why else would he do it? But in the end the why does not matter of course. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I've been thinking about the daughter too. I wonder if she even knows that this happened. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I would not be able to live with myself if I did not report it and something happened to another child (such as a grandchild) in the future. Please, report it. Why is this even a question? 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Why would you want to report the other people to the police? Do you think OP should be reported to the police for not having called them instantly upon receiving the letter? Do you believe every offender should wear a scarlet letter all their lives? That causes a lot of problems and hasn't been proven to prevent many. As I have mentioned some of the organizations I have worked with serve prisoners and released offenders. Including sex offenders. I once volunteered to tutor a convicted SO. He was definitely repentant and had done his time. He was respectful towards me and a motivated student. I later gave him a reference for a job application. I still wouldn't have had him around my children or failed to report anything concerning he told me or that I saw. Had, for instance, he said he was moving in with someone with a young child, I would have notified his PO without a moment's hesitation. Nor would I have given him a reccomendation for a job around kids. Being concerned and aware and protecting kids =\= wanting someone to wear a scarlet letter. 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I've been thinking about the daughter too. I wonder if she even knows that this happened. That's a comforting thought but it probably not at all the case. In general, people lie. More so when those people are sex offenders. It was just one time. It was only when...malarkey. It's possible everything was just has he described in the letter. It's also possible that I will see an elephant caravan on my way home today. I would say the odds between those two things are roughly equal. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 That's a comforting thought but it probably not at all the case. In general, people lie. More so when those people are sex offenders. It was just one time. It was only when...malarkey. It's possible everything was just has he described in the letter. It's also possible that I will see an elephant caravan on my way home today. I would say the odds between those two things are roughly equal. But the idea of him handing these letters out is completely humiliating. I would hate for her to come home for a visit without knowing that this happened. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 As I have mentioned some of the organizations I have worked with serve prisoners and released offenders. Including sex offenders. I once volunteered to tutor a convicted SO. He was definitely repentant and had done his time. He was respectful towards me and a motivated student. I later gave him a reference for a job application. I still wouldn't have had him around my children or failed to report anything concerning he told me or that I saw. Had, for instance, he said he was moving in with someone with a young child, I would have notified his PO without a moment's hesitation. Not would I have given him a reccomendation for a job around kids. Being concerned and aware and protecting kids =\= wanting someone to wear a scarlet letter. I agree with you entirely, but I do get the impression here, and in other discussions, that people don't have a strong sense of where they really stand with the fundamentals of the question SKL asked, certainly from a Christian perspective. I think there are probably quite a few that would say - no, I don't want a convicted sex offender to be in my church. There seem to be a lot of people who think that pedophiles are somehow sub-human and that all the things we say about people - that they can repent or feel sorrow for their sins, or that they need love and care and a community to do well, that we cannot assume the impossibility of change, even that they can really want to change and fail and all those things are still true - don't apply. And I have the impression to that a lot of people would actually like to see such people somehow marked for life, even literally, in what I would consider a completely inhuman way. There was some controversy a while ago in a town where the only place a convicted sex offender could go legally was one tiny bit of sidewalk. Social workers dropped them off there. it was so absurd, but a surprising number of people seemed to think it was just desserts. I also get the impression that some people actually feel a little hysterical about the nature of the danger - a person with a child being on the same bus as an offender is really not dangerous, but people get very strange about it. Like its contagious. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I wonder if he told the pastor, the pastor found out it was too late to prosecute, and the pastor made him humble himself to other church members in lieu of being legally punished. I realize we probably will never know why the man wrote and distributed the letters. There is no defensible concept for "in lieu of being legally punished" in this case. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Why would you not report this? Just do it. When I was seventeen I found out that a mentally handicapped woman with the mental age of a young child was likely being abused. I told that very same day. There was no question in my mind that I had to do it to protect her and others like her. I was nervous, but mostly I was sickened by the fact that someone was doing that to this vulnerable woman. If I could do it at that age, you can do it now. Think about the children who are possible future victims of this man, and the ones who could be victims now despite what he says. Do it for them. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he's really sorry and truly repentant, he will go to the legal authorities and accept the consequences of his actions. Anything less is just giving lip service and invading his daughter's privacy. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he's really sorry and truly repentant, he will go to the legal authorities and accept the consequences of his actions. Anything less is just giving lip service and invading his daughter's privacy. But as previously mentioned, there *likely* aren't any legal consequences at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I just talked to my pastor. He doesn't remember anything about the statute of limitations because he said he would just report anything like that. He's not obligated to report it. I was wrong. Anyone who has gone through the training to watch children is obligated to report it. He says to have your husband call the pastor. He said it is a pastor's job to ensure this is dealt with. If the pastor doesn't deal with it find a new church. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Did some quick Google-fu and it looks like if the victim is now an adult the mandated reporter provision may not kick in. This does make sense as it would put therapists dealing with adults who suffered childhood sexual abuse in some very awkward positions and would potentially lead to adults not sharing about past abuse. That obviously does not prevent someone from choosing to make a report if they feel it is warranted. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Bluegoat, one thing you must remember is that parole and probation for offenders is crazy strict. Part of the reason many people do not want them in church is because the volunteer environment is not capable of handling the restrictions. In our church's case, we had to ask an offender to leave because in order to be there and not violate parole we had to guarantee he would be supervised every second and not come within 50 ft. of a child. There are men in the church that visit him regularly, but for worship, we could not guarantee what his parole officer demanded. Spiritual issues aside, the legal ramifications to an organization who allows him to take part in activities and that includes worship services are huge. Of course if you have a visitor and do not know that person's history, I do not think the church would be liable, but once known the liability is scary. Our church's liability policy actually states that if we knowingly allow a child molester to attend church regularly, we lose our coverage if there is an incident. I am aware of several clergy members and church volunteers who do attempt to minister to molesters. But the church itself is not always able to accomodate the supervision issues nor guarantee the offender will stay out of the children's areas and such. Parents have a right to be very concerned about this. Unfortunately there are some crimes that are so bad that a "scarlett a" type response from society is the consequence. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Depending on the state, it is entirely possible that the s.o.l. has not expired if she is only twenty. It really is a matter for the police and county d.a. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Depending on the state, it is entirely possible that the s.o.l. has not expired if she is only twenty. It really is a matter for the police and county d.a. I thought I read mid-twenties? At age 20 the crime could be prosecuted almost anywhere. It she is over 24 the number of states is reduced greatly. I still suspect the offender knows that the SOL for his crimes has expired. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 But the idea of him handing these letters out the completely humiliating. I would hate for her to come home for a visit without knowing that this happened.Did you mean maybe she didn't know about the letters? I'm sorry I thought you meant maybe she didn't know about the abuse (sleeping or whatever). Personally I think part of what is wrong with our culture is that we see people finding out as humiliating for the victim. I know that that is how it is, but the blame, shame and humiliation should be his and not hers. She didn't do anything wrong. I'm just glad she's put some distance between her and her family of origin. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I am so sorry this mess has been dumped in your lap! :grouphug: You might consider calling your pastor to find out if he has called the police yet. He may have already done so, and if he has, then there may not be any need for you to step forward at this time. If he hasn't, you might remind him that there could be repercussions if he fails to do his job in this instance. If he hasn't already reported, I would call the police, then find a new church. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he's really sorry and truly repentant, he will go to the legal authorities and accept the consequences of his actions. Anything less is just giving lip service and invading his daughter's privacy. I don't agree. Going to the authorities and going to prison for x years is a major burden on society (financially speaking, both in direct costs of imprisoning the person and in the cost due to the person's likely underemployment after prison and hence large dependence on government assistance or lesser payments in income taxes or both). If a person is truly sorry and repentant, I don't think it makes sense to make others pay even more for their crimes by shouldering that financial burden. IMO, prison is mostly intended to deter people from committing crimes and to keep them from committing crimes while there. It's not going to serve those functions for people who are truly sorry, repentant, and taking actions to not commit the same crimes again. It would make much more sense to commit oneself to an equivalent number of hours of community service (in this case, in something that does not involve minors) rather than go to the authorities and ask to be thrown in prison. ETA: which btw doesn't mean the OP shouldn't report this to the police. This comment just applies to people who are thinking of turning themselves in, which is entirely different. You can know whether you're completely repentant etc, others can't - just writing a letter to others saying you're repentant doesn't mean jack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Don't worry about what the law may or may not be where you live. Just report it to the police. They will know what to do with the information. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livetoread Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 How your church deals with it and how the legal authorities deal with it are separate issues. I think you need to report it yourself. That takes care of the legal authorities. They can deal with the SOL and all that. Your church is a much worse tangle. I would suggest going to Boz Tchividjian's site at netgrace.org and spend some time at the resources section. There is a wealth of info there to help religious organizations deal with this type of situation. Your pastor probably needs some education on the topic. Hopefully he is willing to quickly get that education and then quickly take the appropriate measures. Unfortunately, too many times religious leaders would rather hunker down and minimize things. I would never stay at a church with a pastor who didn't do the right thing right off the bat, but especially one who refuses to learn from reputable and knowledgable resources like GRACE. If you do leave, I would also recommend support at The Wartburg Watch. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Am I the only one who when the read SOL thinks s**t out of luck? That's what it feels like for the victims. (I know it's statute of limitations.) 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Unless the pastor is the DA, then it isn't up to him to decide whether or not it's too late to prosecute. I'm certainly not an attorney, but I believe in most states the SOL regarding child sexual abuse can be quite complicated, and at least here it errs on the side of favoring the abused person(s). There is a former teacher here who was recently indicted for crimes that occurred almost thirty years ago. But if the abused person is not the person trying to prosecute, then would this apply? Maybe the pastor contacted the cops and asked them about the SOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 The reason I would report those who I know existed the letter is so that the police can figure out who was a mandated report and didn't report it. Because that is a crime. http://www.dorightbykids.org/am-i-a-mandated-reporter/what-can-happen-to-me-if-i-dont-report Mandated reporters who don't report are covering up crimes against children. Again, there is no "child" victim involved at this point and CPS / mandated reporter is not relevant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I don't agree. Going to the authorities and going to prison for x years is a major burden on society (financially speaking, both in direct costs of imprisoning the person and in the cost due to the person's likely underemployment after prison and hence large dependence on government assistance or lesser payments in income taxes or both). If a person is truly sorry and repentant, I don't think it makes sense to make others pay even more for their crimes by shouldering that financial burden. IMO, prison is mostly intended to deter people from committing crimes and to keep them from committing crimes while there. It's not going to serve those functions for people who are truly sorry, repentant, and taking actions to not commit the same crimes again. It would make much more sense to commit oneself to an equivalent number of hours of community service (in this case, in something that does not involve minors) rather than go to the authorities and ask to be thrown in prison. ETA: which btw doesn't mean the OP shouldn't report this to the police. This comment just applies to people who are thinking of turning themselves in, which is entirely different. You can know whether you're completely repentant etc, others can't - just writing a letter to others saying you're repentant doesn't mean jack. By this metric, why not let every convicted criminal sentence themselves? I'm sure they will give themselves a sentence commensurate with their level of remorse. Look, I am all for reforming the criminal justice system to be more cost effective and humane. I literally shouted with excitement when I heard the news this last week that the president is taking up sentencing reforms. This is an issue very dear to me. But truthfully I am not really much impressed with the notion that some child sex offensers shouldn't pay for their crimes because they are sorry and that it would cost a lot of money or be an inconvenience for their income. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he's really sorry and truly repentant, he will go to the legal authorities and accept the consequences of his actions. Anything less is just giving lip service and invading his daughter's privacy. So far, this offender got to molest his daughter (possibly others) for years and now goes without punishment or consequences. I.really.don't.care.if.he.gets.branded. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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