teenage boy and lazyness

[saraha]

How do you tell your kid to stop being so lazy without calling them lazy or using the word lazy?

    My 15yo is going through a phase right now where he spends more mental energy trying to do the least amount of work possible than he would use if he just did the task.  It has been a couple of weeks since I noticed this start and I am ready to pull my hair out.  For example, it is his laundry day today.  There were already some dirty clothes in the laundry room, but not enough for a full load.  I asked him to start the laundry.  He has been doing laundry for about 3 years, so he KNOWS what a full load of laundry is.  He went in there and threw the half load in and started the machine.  I came by and heard machines running, but I did not remember him going upstairs for more laundry.  Sure enough, I open the washing machine and find half a load being washed in there on the full load cycle.  I call him in, ask about laundry.  His response was "uh, well, I thought there would be enough in the basket...."  So I asked why he didn't go get more when he realized the machine wasn't full again "well, uh..." so I stopped the machine and told him to go upstairs and get more laundry.  He turns to his nearest sister and asks her if there is any dirty laundry in her room.  She replies  that she doesn't know, its not her empty the hamper day.  He tells her to go find out.  At this point I stop him and say "No.  You go upstairs and bring down some colors to throw in here with this load.  Then restart the machine."  I get a humph and then he finally complies.

   Or yesterday with the dishes.  He starts unloading the dish washer and a lot of the plastic things are still wet.  Instead of drying them and putting them away, he spreads a towel out on top of the dishwasher and sets them up there to "air dry"  I come by and find this pile of wet dishes on top of the dishwasher and ask him what is up.  He says he didn't want to dry them, so he was letting them air dry and he woudl put them away later.  Of course after dinner he unloads dish washer and stacks even more wet stuff up there.  After he has gone to bed, I go into the kitchen and find all of these dishes, wet and dry piled up on top of the dishwasher.  I call him down out of bed and ask him about it and his response was that some of them were still wet so he just left them there.  Besides it was time for bed...  At this point in his life, he should be able to do/ and has done these chores independantly.  

  Also today, his little brother brings him his shoes and asks him to help him put them on, while I was outside hanging laundry.  I come in to hear 15yo say in a kind of stern voice  "Next time you want me to help you put your shoes on, make sure they are untied or have someone else untie them.  Of course, I call him out on his tone and tell him his brother was not asking too much of him.  Really, is it so hard to untie the shoes and help him put them on?!?  I really do not want him to get into a bad habit.  If you start a job, you finish the job, and you do it right.  How do I nip this in the bud?

 

Thanks!

[Liz CA]

I did allow for less activity during a period of teenagehood since growth takes energy. I would lay out a few non-negotiable tasks per day / week and be more lenient on the rest.

[Lisa R.]

I did allow for less activity during a period of teenagehood since growth takes energy. I would lay out a few non-negotiable tasks per day / week and be more lenient on the rest.

This is interesting. I take the opposite approach. I actively encourage them to be as busy as possible whether through sports and/or jobs in the summer months. We live in the suburbs and there are simply not enough chores around to keep them busy.

 

I am not surprised a fifteen year old boy is bored and unmotivated by household tasks. This seems completely normal. I'd encourage him to participate in some form of physical activity and encourage a job. My sixteen year old has had a lawn business since the age of twelve. It keeps him active and busy throughout summer months. My other kids have ket busy with babysitting, swim instruction, library vokunteering, hospital vokunteering and so on.

 

Having teens sit around during their summer break would have been very frustrating for them and me. I'd rather do laundry myself and have them out working or vokunteering somewhere.

[catz]

I have a 14 1/2 year old and arg, it has been a rough year in terms of self motivation.

 

The dishes thing would not be a big deal to me.  We let dishes air dry all the time and put them away later.  I would have had him put them away in the morning before making him a meal. 

 

On the clothing, I guess it depends on your laundry protocol.  I would have had each kid bring down their own dirty clothes.  I wouldn't make it one kid's responsibility to go dig around in someone else's dirty laundry.   I would not like the tone of the shoe incident, but why can't the 4 year old at least untie and get his own shoes on his feet?  Do you know the tone of the 4 year old when he asked for help?  I bought my kids velcro shoes at that age and they were pretty self sufficient.  I know my 14 year old would not be a good babysitter right now. 

 

I would pick a list of daily essential non-negotiables that are pretty mindless in nature and I would expect kind behavoir, but I wouldn't assume a 15 year old to be ready to assume babysitter mode all day every day.  I wouldn't encourage anyone to hire my son to babysit right now - LOL.   Way too self involved and air headed.  I would work to make all your kids more independent on their own and make sure your not laying more on the oldest.  I know my oldest does not seem to have the bandwidth right now to think outside the box.

 

Regular physical activity is really important for my teen too as well as peer time.  I actually have my kid out of the house 6 weeks this summer, possibly 7 doing volunteer work, doing a theater intensive, sleep away camp, etc. 

[Slache]

Please do it the right way.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I let my teens come up with the "how" of chores.  I will give them a deadline for "when" it needs to be done.  They know that if it isn't done by my deadline then I will micromanage and they don't like that!  The laundry thing would make me sigh a bit but wouldn't phase me but then we aren't on a super strict budget.  The dish thing would make me sigh but as long as they were put away by the deadline, then it wouldn't phase me.  If he went to bed without it being done (and I had set a clear deadline for it being done before bed) then I would ask him to come up with a way to get it done in time - but I would check before bed because I think it is my job to "inspect" things at the deadline otherwise the deadline thing is a bit meaningless and can't be used to help train my kids.  The shoes thing is totally different in my mind and would be corrected (verbally).  

[saraha]

Please do it the right way.

Do what the right way?

 

The laundry and dishes are nonnegotiable.  He only has to do one major chore a day.  2 days a week it is laundry (he has to bring it down, sort it, and wash and dry. I fold and put into piles for others to put away) dishes 2 days (unload only, I load and do any hand washing) and kitchen 2 days (wipe off counters and sweep)  These chores rotate through the 3 oldest children,  so while it is his dishes day, it is sis#1 laundry day and sis#2's kitchen day. No one has to do chores on Sunday, I do anything needed on that day.  He does get paid to mow grass for our church one day a week and he gets paid to mow here at home.  He picks when he mows here at home, as long as it doesn't look bad.

 

The four year olds shoe laces were double knotted so he couldn't untie them.  15yo did say he asked nicely, and then went and apologized to him for talking harshly.  He has never had to babysit.  If anything, while I am outside, my oldest daughter keeps an eye on the 4 yo.  I hear what you are saying about making sure that the oldest is not unfairly put upon, I was the oldest in that situation growing up in a disfunctional family, so I try to be as equitable as I can be, and he is not asked to anything more than his next oldest sister without recompense.  I really don't feel like I am taxing him, this is the same chore regime we have had for the last 3 years, and it has only recently been we he is trying to skate by.

 

eta:  He also volunteers 1 day a week for 2 hours at the library.

[Slache]

When he does something incorrectly say please do it the right way instead of using the word lazy.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Do what the right way?

 

The laundry and dishes are nonnegotiable.  He only has to do one major chore a day.  2 days a week it is laundry (he has to bring it down, sort it, and wash and dry. I fold and put into piles for others to put away) dishes 2 days (unload only, I load and do any hand washing) and kitchen 2 days (wipe off counters and sweep)  These chores rotate through the 3 oldest children,  so while it is his dishes day, it is sis#1 laundry day and sis#2's kitchen day. No one has to do chores on Sunday, I do anything needed on that day.  He does get paid to mow grass for our church one day a week and he gets paid to mow here at home.  He picks when he mows here at home, as long as it doesn't look bad.

 

The four year olds shoe laces were double knotted so he couldn't untie them.  15yo did say he asked nicely, and then went and apologized to him for talking harshly.  He has never had to babysit.  If anything, while I am outside, my oldest daughter keeps an eye on the 4 yo.  I hear what you are saying about making sure that the oldest is not unfairly put upon, I was the oldest in that situation growing up in a disfunctional family, so I try to be as equitable as I can be, and he is not asked to anything more than his next oldest sister with recompense.  I really don't feel like I am taxing him, this is the same chore regime we have had for the last 3 years, and it has only recently been we he is trying to skate by.

 

 

I *think* she was just trying to give you a phrase to use rather than "lazy"

 

"Please do it the right way"

 

Maybe I am not reading her response right either?

[Ann.without.an.e]

When he does something incorrectly say please do it the right way instead of using the word lazy.

 

I posted at the same time as you

[saraha]

OOoooh.  Duh!  Sorry about that!  

I do not want to use the word lazy.  I just want him to do the work correctly.  I know he is not going to step back from the washing machine and take pride in doing a load of laundry well, but I do want it to actually be done.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I don't believe in softening blows...I call it like it is.  I am a mom to a 14.5 year old boy and I call it like it is....please stop being lazy.  Do it right and do it right the first time.  Laziness may be your natural mode at this point in life but you need to man up and do the few chores you are assigned and do them right.   I guess I am a mean mama.  :lol:

 

ETA

That being said, he still has to be reminded and sent back to correct things constantly. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think the term lazy is ok to use.  You aren't calling him a worthless moron.  You are pointing out the fact he is not doing what he is supposed to do because he's being lazy.

 

I can't give advice though.  My oldest is 13. 

[catz]

It sounds like you're totally being fair to me!  I was oldest in my family too, so I'm always sensitive to the oldest kids.  ;)  I'm glad he apologized about the shoe incident - that's really good!  I find even as a parent sometimes I can get short or frustrated when my kids ask me for help, so I do try to have some grace when my kids do that at each other and not demand things I can't even do.  Not that I don't insist they are kind to each other, but I can understand it. 

 

I find my son chores that are explicit and typically single step for the best chance of success (carry out the recycling, clean the kitty litter, clean up the books and dirty laundry from your floor).  He does also tend to pick the lazy route if there is one and then feigns ignorance.  I just don't want to spend my teen's final years at home butting heads with him over menial tasks, so I have intentionally simplified some things.  My kid does have responsibilities for sure.  I just fully expect to need to remind him and try to keep the tasks pretty simple in nature. 

 

Something I've even noticed in the past week.  My son is doing better with follow through for others, where he really wasn't before.  It's giving me hope that he's coming back into his brain slowly but surely.  ;)

 

ETA - I have no problem with the word lazy if it applies!  :)  I just find if it's day after day after week of no success, I have to alter my expectations and switch things up.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm lazy when it comes to household chores.  I go for the path of least resistance.  I just hate household stuff.  I do it because I don't have any choice.

 

Just saying I do have sympathy for the lazy chore hater.  LOL

 

 

[catz]

I'm lazy when it comes to household chores.  I go for the path of least resistance.  I just hate household stuff.  I do it because I don't have any choice.

 

Just saying I do have sympathy for the lazy chore hater.  LOL

 

Ha - this mindset may apply at our house too.  :lol:

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh and I was no better as a teen.  And I'm not a boy.  So it's not just a boy thing.   Sometimes I felt like my mother was inventing stuff to make me do that I didn't feel I should have to do. 

[Guest]

I only have an 8 yr old so take this with a grain of salt.  But I work 3/4 time cleaning houses and DS comes to work with me.  He has jobs at my clients houses he can do that I pay him for (reasonable amounts for any age worker doing that job not like "allowance" amounts).  For a while, I was having a problem with him saying he did something completely only for me to go check it and find it half done/not done well.

So I told DS, if you tell me you need help or tell me you want me to check your work, I will still pay you.  But if it's half-ass and you don't come to me, you don't get paid. Period.  DS knows my standards and is perfectly capable of doing the work, much like your son. 

Maybe your son needs more tangible motivation to see that a job is well done? Is there something he wants/someplace he wants to go that maybe you can create a check mark system and work up to that, if you don't want to actually pay him? I think boys that age should definitely have paying jobs, in some form or another (but I could totally be off on that).

[fairfarmhand]

Next time he wants to go somewhere, pull into a parking lot and turn around when you are halfway there and come home.

 

Then tell him, this is what it feels like when you find chores that are done poorly or are only halfway done. He needs to do them correctly. He needs to do them completely.

 

I don't know that I would actually do this because of the waste of gas and time, but it would be SO tempting.

[Anne in CA]

I have a child like this who was born like this, is almost 27 and is still like this, and trying to be diplomatic really never helped. She is almost 27 and I never called her lazy, and I took the track of being encouraging when she showed some motivation, but honestly she was not someone who could be encouraged. 

 

If this is a new way of thinking for your ds I think you would be doing him a favor to call him on it without insulting his character, and let him see how he appears to those around him. It is always good to know how your actions really appear.

[MooCow]

I did allow for less activity during a period of teenagehood since growth takes energy. I would lay out a few non-negotiable tasks per day / week and be more lenient on the rest.

I did/am doing this. Also kicking a couple chores to the youngest since he wants to earn more allowance.

[HomeAgain]

Assessment before and after a task.

For example, math.  The assignment was done so poorly the teacher asked him to redo it (a very rare request!).  I looked it over and immediately saw the three problems:

1. Reading the entire question.

2. Showing work.

3. Using what he learned.

 

Before he restarted I asked him, "what do you intend to show the teacher, what does doing the assignment mean?  Okay, so you want to show the teacher you know the material and can move on.  Write that.   Write it at the top of the paper.  Write how you will demonstrate this knowledge."

It's a lot of walking through steps and them knowing you're not going to slack off on expectations.  With the dishes, I'd be okay with the first time, then call him back and tell him he needs a new plan.  His did not work and the problem is still there.  Ask him what the point is.  Make him tell you why you have these expectations and internalize them again.  He may get mouthy, or blow you off, but he's being forced to adhere to expectations when you both know why and how to do things.

[Garga]

I remember being that way as a kid and still feel that way as an adult about chores. No advice. No idea why I'm posting. I am feeling particularly lazy right now. I should have started dinner 28 minutes ago. Urgh.

[J-rap]

Teenage years are funny, and I can actually remember my perception of home chores at that age.  For example, I remember my mother asking me to vacuum, and my thinking it was perfect, and her coming back to show me all the places I missed, and honestly, I still didn't see them.  So I do think some of it is not being lazy at all, it's just truly not seeing things that seem so obvious to you.  I think the best thing you can do -- as long as they are trying -- is to be as clear as you can, making step-by-step lists and hanging them up on the fridge if need be.

 

But of course some of it is laziness, and who wouldn't want to cut corners if they could... haha.  The difference is that the teenage brain hasn't yet really understood why cutting corners might not reach the desired goal.  Or, he is just testing you a little to see what he can get away with...because who likes to do dishes!  It sounds like you're handling it correctly, gently but pointedly correcting him and then insisting that he do it right.  (With the further explanation that everyone has to do things that they don't like, etc. etc.)

 

I would put my foot down on how he speaks to his younger siblings.  You could maybe suggest to him, however, that he could say to his younger brother in a kind voice, "Hey, let me show you how to untie them so you can do that part yourself!"  But remind him that you helped untie HIS shoes many, many times when he was younger, and he just might have to help his younger siblings do the same from time to time.

 

Lastly, does he have enough fun and interesting things to do?  Sometimes a lazy or unkind attitude can come from being bored or from lack of any direction.  I've found that when my kids had fun things/projects going on, they had much better attitudes all around.

[saraha]

My favorite episode from this new approach of his was last week.  We went to the Salvation Army to find some dress pants.  I gave him 3 pairs to try on.  I was also still looking through the racks as he went to try them on, since our Salvation army sorts by color, not size.  He came out and showed me one pair that worked and went back in to change.  He came back out of the dressing room with the clothes and was walking along with his big old shoelaces untied.  I asked him if he was going to tie his shoes and his reply was that he didn't want to waste the energy in case I had more for him to try on.  So he was dragging these big old bootlaces around the store with people stepping on them before he decided I wasn't going to make him try on anything else and went ahead and tied them :lol:

[SparklyUnicorn]

Next time he wants to go somewhere, pull into a parking lot and turn around when you are halfway there and come home.

 

Then tell him, this is what it feels like when you find chores that are done poorly or are only halfway done. He needs to do them correctly. He needs to do them completely.

 

I don't know that I would actually do this because of the waste of gas and time, but it would be SO tempting.

 

LMAO!

Maybe do that with a meal.  Think crunchy pasta...topped with raw broccoli and ketchup.  Mmmmm

[Jean in Newcastle]

I guess this sort of thing really isn't that huge a deal for me.  We are a team and so we brainstorm as a team as well as work as a team.  So when dd13 started to slack off on her morning chores, I just asked her if she was getting tired of them - and yes, she was.  She had gotten to the point where she hated those chores.  So I asked her, "What comparable chore do you think you'd like to do?"  I was amazed when she suggested a chore that I personally hate doing!  So we switched.  (Ds kept his chores the same.)  I don't have to nag her at all to do the new chores and we're all much happier.

 

Sometimes if something doesn't get done correctly, I'll say "Next time, could you ______________"?  Or if I really can't do that under the circumstances, I'll say, "Oh no.  This didn't get done right.  Any ideas on how to fix it?"  And they fix it.  Sometimes there is some minor grumbling, but most of the time, not.  They see me slacking off on things at times or doing something bone-headed (like burning the fries to a crisp last night) and we all show grace to each  other as well as to ourselves, but we also take responsibility for fixing what we can.  

[swellmomma]

Well you are doing better than me, I have used the Lazy word.  In fact my phrasing is "get off your lazy a$$, you are nearly a grown man, act like it!"

The dishes would not bother me, it is healthier for dishes to air dry than to be towel dried, but he could have air dried them in the dishwasher, just open the door and pull out the trays, takes 15 minutes at the very most to dry them.  So I would give that much leeway and then tell him to get back to it.

I know lots of teens who really do intend to go back but then get side tracked, or who just aren't thinking when they toss the laundry in the washer. 

Just keep doing what you are doing, calling him back to do it right.  Soon enough he will figure out it is faster to just do it right the first time. 

[Joanne]

Ok, for another perspective - let it go. This is not about absolutes or character and it is not important in the long term. I have parented 3 kids past this age. Worrying over details - totally not worth it. Mine all have a great work ethic and their own ideas about life and chores. I would stand my ground about the chores in general but not the details of them.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I think this is not unusual. My kids have turned into hard workers. Even the one who didn't eat because chewing was too much work! They had to do their chores when I asked. How they got them done I let go. The 1/2 laundry thing is annoying but will it really make or break the water bill? I'd occasionally say "Hey, try to do a whole load next time." And let it go.

[saraha]

Thanks for all of the perspective on this.  I am so worried that he will become a man with no work ethic, and since he is my oldest, I haven't had the opportunity to see how my parenting turned out.  I am glad this is really not a big thing and isn't a sign of his future work ethic.

[KrissiK]

I don't believe in softening blows...I call it like it is.  I am a mom to a 14.5 year old boy and I call it like it is....please stop being lazy.  Do it right and do it right the first time.  Laziness may be your natural mode at this point in life but you need to man up and do the few chores you are assigned and do them right.   I guess I am a mean mama.  :lol:

 

ETA

That being said, he still has to be reminded and sent back to correct things constantly. 

That's what I say, too. Because that's what it is... laziness. I have a lazy child. He hates doing chores, he doesn't think he should have to do them, and we basically have to follow him around making sure they are done right. Yes, the whole garbage bag should go into the can, not just hang partially inside and partially outside with beans and other things dripping out onto the concrete. It's not that he doesn't know how to throw the garbage bag into the can, it's just that he doesn't want to do the chore and thus does a half-baked job. And then we have to get him to come back and re-do it, or clean it up and stand there and make sure he does that right. And all because he just doesn't want to do it.  It drives me crazy.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Just chiming in as another mom who has raised and is raising teen boys -- I'm in Camp (Sort of) Let it Go.

 

My boys learn their home ec and maintenance skills between ages 11 and 14, which for my boys is the moment in time when they're old enough to do everything but not too old to care. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, all of it, is taught and expected during this time.

 

Why? Because I've learned that once they hit 15 they don't care about housework anymore. It's not exactly challenging nor fulfilling. They need to be out in the bigger world, learning from others and being challenged in real areas and showing their work ethic and character.

 

The same 15yo who will leave his own room in a slovenly state and forget to take out the trash can command an entire squadron of Civil Air Patrol cadets in early rising, PT, and bedmaking the military way at 4:30 am. I have seen this. It's astounding to behold.

 

The same 16yo who will do a half-hearted job on the supper dishes at home, and let the potatoes burn on his night to make dinner, can manage to cook forty times that amount of food (quickly, safely, and well) at his fast food job. Again, it's just true.

 

As I notice my boys entering the "over it" stage regarding home economics, I back way off. I don't tell them I'm doing it; I just do it. They become required to keep their own possessions in a good-enough state (defined as not distracting or bothering me) and they do have to kick in on some big chore now and then. One of my big boys does the mowing. Another cleans the bathrooms each week. A third does the mid-week grocery shopping. Since they all can cook, they fix their own food if a meal is needed off-schedule or something.

 

The penny-ante, daily housework reverts back to me, and to the next tween-in-training.

 

I think they'll chip in as adults in their own households, or take care of business if they're on their own at home. Their dad does. And I know from their activities outside the home that they are known for an excellent work ethic. It works out.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yep.  My 18 year old is praised for his work ethic at work.  And it is now starting to show up here at home too.  His younger sister on the other hand. . . .    still has some way to go on that.  

[Tsuga]

I'm with Jean. If it gets done I'm not going to ask how. I might gently ask him to use the medium load size for a half load. Beyond that... Who cares?

 

And yes, teens can do much more when it's not about them and mom. Maybe have him get a job and chip in to pay the maid?

[MyThreeSons]

My husband used to say, "I'm not lazy. I was born tired."

[lmrich]

My teenage son drives me crazy with his laziness. BUT everyone else he works with/for thinks he is a hard worker. I have noticed that the less he has to do the lazier he becomes. Hopefully your son can get a job next year, and I bet he will he rise to the occasion. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's how I see it.

 

I felt resentful of some of the stuff my mother made me do.  I have not even changed my mind as an adult on that. 

 

Either way, I have not turned into a selfish lazy adult who can't get stuff done when needed.  It's a lot easier to see the value of these mundane tasks when it's about your own stuff. 

Just chiming in as another mom who has raised and is raising teen boys -- I'm in Camp (Sort of) Let it Go.

 

My boys learn their home ec and maintenance skills between ages 11 and 14, which for my boys is the moment in time when they're old enough to do everything but not too old to care. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, all of it, is taught and expected during this time.

 

Why? Because I've learned that once they hit 15 they don't care about housework anymore. It's not exactly challenging nor fulfilling. They need to be out in the bigger world, learning from others and being challenged in real areas and showing their work ethic and character.

 

The same 15yo who will leave his own room in a slovenly state and forget to take out the trash can command an entire squadron of Civil Air Patrol cadets in early rising, PT, and bedmaking the military way at 4:30 am. I have seen this. It's astounding to behold.

 

The same 16yo who will do a half-hearted job on the supper dishes at home, and let the potatoes burn on his night to make dinner, can manage to cook forty times that amount of food (quickly, safely, and well) at his fast food job. Again, it's just true.

 

As I notice my boys entering the "over it" stage regarding home economics, I back way off. I don't tell them I'm doing it; I just do it. They become required to keep their own possessions in a good-enough state (defined as not distracting or bothering me) and they do have to kick in on some big chore now and then. One of my big boys does the mowing. Another cleans the bathrooms each week. A third does the mid-week grocery shopping. Since they all can cook, they fix their own food if a meal is needed off-schedule or something.

 

The penny-ante, daily housework reverts back to me, and to the next tween-in-training.

 

I think they'll chip in as adults in their own households, or take care of business if they're on their own at home. Their dad does. And I know from their activities outside the home that they are known for an excellent work ethic. It works out.

 

[sassenach]

Just chiming in as another mom who has raised and is raising teen boys -- I'm in Camp (Sort of) Let it Go.

 

My boys learn their home ec and maintenance skills between ages 11 and 14, which for my boys is the moment in time when they're old enough to do everything but not too old to care. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, all of it, is taught and expected during this time.

 

Why? Because I've learned that once they hit 15 they don't care about housework anymore. It's not exactly challenging nor fulfilling. They need to be out in the bigger world, learning from others and being challenged in real areas and showing their work ethic and character.

 

The same 15yo who will leave his own room in a slovenly state and forget to take out the trash can command an entire squadron of Civil Air Patrol cadets in early rising, PT, and bedmaking the military way at 4:30 am. I have seen this. It's astounding to behold.

 

The same 16yo who will do a half-hearted job on the supper dishes at home, and let the potatoes burn on his night to make dinner, can manage to cook forty times that amount of food (quickly, safely, and well) at his fast food job. Again, it's just true.

 

As I notice my boys entering the "over it" stage regarding home economics, I back way off. I don't tell them I'm doing it; I just do it. They become required to keep their own possessions in a good-enough state (defined as not distracting or bothering me) and they do have to kick in on some big chore now and then. One of my big boys does the mowing. Another cleans the bathrooms each week. A third does the mid-week grocery shopping. Since they all can cook, they fix their own food if a meal is needed off-schedule or something.

 

The penny-ante, daily housework reverts back to me, and to the next tween-in-training.

 

I think they'll chip in as adults in their own households, or take care of business if they're on their own at home. Their dad does. And I know from their activities outside the home that they are known for an excellent work ethic. It works out.

Thank you for posting this. I think it applies equally to girls. My oldest is known for being a hard worker outside of our home, and a slob in it. We're just heading into the teen years again with my boy.

 

I agree with the pp who said more busy is better. At least for my oldest, the more outside responsibilities she had, the better for her overall attitude.

 

I remember being the same as a teen. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Thank you for posting this. I think it applies equally to girls. My oldest is known for being a hard worker outside of our home, and a slob in it. We're just heading into the teen years again with my boy.

 

I agree with the pp who said more busy is better. At least for my oldest, the more outside responsibilities she had, the better for her overall attitude.

 

I remember being the same as a teen. 

 

I resemble this remark. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

PS - both of my teens do their own laundry - sometimes combining a load together, sometimes not.  They are responsible for it and have risen to the occasion.  (My older teen more than the younger but then he needs clean clothes for work and so that motivates him.)

[kroe1]

I do not give my kids any chores. Now I have only had one kid at home at a time, and DH always did the cooking. So, I have not been overwhelmed with household stuff. DH and I both work so a lot of stuff may get put off to the side until we can get to it. Nonetheless, kiddos always figured out how to cook, clean a toilet, and wash a load of clothes. Since one is now a physician, and the other started a business at 14, I guess I am lucky that they are not lazy.

 

To the OP, I would not be upset about the way the clothes or dishes were washed. I would be upset about the way he spoke to his little brother and sister. Perhaps he could ask his little brother if he is ready to learn how to untie his shoes.