Nm

[Innisfree]

Nm

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[wonderchica]

Maybe a poodle mix? Mine is very smart and attached to me. She's also extremely friendly to other people and dogs. Good overall temperament.

[Innisfree]

Nm

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[Pawz4me]

Realistically, I think what you're asking is going to be difficult to impossible to find.

 

A mellow, calm dog who can act as a therapy dog and yet is a one person dog?  That's kind of contradictory.

 

When I think of one person dogs I tend to think of Chihuahuas, Chows and Dalmatians.  But those aren't typically the breeds you think of for therapy dogs.

 

Many of the herding and working breeds tend to bond strongly with their handlers.  But that type of relationship would mean your DD would need to not only handle the dog's daily care (feeding, walking and grooming) but would also need to do a LOT of training.  Hours and hours of training.  Both to build the bond and because those dogs absolutely need something to do.

 

In your shoes I would look for a calm, mellow family dog and drop the requirement that it bond most strongly to your DD.  That would meet the majority of your requirements, and while there's no way to guarantee any one dog would meet any of them -- the bonding strongly with your DD is probably the hardest one.

 

Thank you for thinking this through so much (I can tell you have).  So many people don't think at all before they get a dog.

 

(ETA -- I don't mean that it will be difficult to impossible to find a dog who will be overall a good fit for your family, but that it may be difficult to find one to meet ALL of your requirements.)

[OneStepAtATime]

We have a sharpei mix that is absolutely wonderful.  But honestly, besides breed, it is going to matter significantly regarding the personality of the individual dog.  Some are going to be more easy going than others, even within particular breeds.  

 

Another thing to consider is your daughter wanting the dog to bond mainly with her.  Is she prepared to be the primary care giver?  The one that teaches it what behaviors are acceptable?  Is she prepared to spend a LOT of time with this dog getting it used to being in your home and your family?  Have her duties been clearly laid out?  You might want to consider a contract between you regarding what her duties should be.  My DS wanted our sharpei mix to be his dog.  Fine.  But he ended up not putting in the hours it required for her to see him as her primary person.  She comes to me.  She loves DS.  But she sees me as the person in charge, the person she comes to if she is hurt or worried, etc.  If your daughter wants the dog to bond with her, she is going to have to be willing to be the primary care giver, as well as the one who pets it the most, etc.

 

ETA, and I agree with Pawz4me, I commend you on thinking this through.

[redsquirrel]

Not a bulldog.  Really. My ils breed them and they can be sweet dogs but they cost a freaking fortune to own. And they are not cheap to buy. My ils sell their puppies for over 800$ each and it could be more depending on the lineage.  FIL is a vet and he often comments that you have to be a vet to own a bulldog because they need so much medical care.  They can't go in the water or they will drown because their heads are too heavy, they have to have c-sections to give birth, they have bad hearts etc. They have trouble just getting into a car on a couch. They have allergies and eye problems and digestive problems. They are also a short lived breed.

 

They are also stupid as heck. This is something people like about them, lol. They are too stupid to get out of the sun when they overheat, they have to be brought into the shade. Obedience work with a bulldog? Maybe, if you get lucky. I am sure there are some out there, but when I have been around a bunch of breeders they all like to chortle about how dim their dogs are and how sweet it is.

[Pawz4me]

Not a bulldog.  Really. My ils breed them and they can be sweet dogs but they cost a freaking fortune to own. And they are not cheap to buy. My ils sell their puppies for over 800$ each and it could be more depending on the lineage.  FIL is a vet and he often comments that you have to be a vet to own a bulldog because they need so much medical care.  They can't go in the water or they will drown because their heads are too heavy, they have to have c-sections to give birth, they have bad hearts etc. They have trouble just getting into a car on a couch. They have allergies and eye problems and digestive problems. They are also a short lived breed.

 

They are also stupid as heck. This is something people like about them, lol. They are too stupid to get out of the sun when they overheat, they have to be brought into the shade. Obedience work with a bulldog? Maybe, if you get lucky. I am sure there are some out there, but when I have been around a bunch of breeders they all like to chortle about how dim their dogs are and how sweet it is.

 

I like bullies, but . . . gotta agree with the above.

 

Mostly when I see one it makes me smile, and then I see dollar signs in my head.

 

I recently spoke with a lady who has two.  She said it's fortunate that she lives near a vet school.

[Plink]

Poodle!   Smart, devoted, confident enough to be social, yet mellow enough to react appropriately with lots of change in their environment.  My autistic DD does 4-H with ours, and they are a great team.  

 

(full disclosure: Our dog's primary attachment is to me because I cared for her as a puppy.  She absolutely prefers to be near me at all times EXCEPT when her training lead comes out.  She knows when she is working, and I never work with her.  That is DD's job.)

 

Make sure to have the pup ride home on DD's lap, be fed by DD, go outside with DD, and absolutely sleep in DD's room (whether crated or not).  All awesome treats should come from DD.  

 

Yet, this dog will ultimately be your responsibility, so I'd be realistic and tell DD that if she doesn't step up do what her 4H leaders tell her (train every day, follow through on daily care, etc.) she will break the bond she is trying to create and the pup will naturally gravitate toward you.

[AnIslandGirl]

Although on the higher end of your weight requirement, both Golden Retrievers and Labs are the two most prominent service dog breeds. For the mellow aspect that you are looking for, I'd lean toward a Golden (although they are more family friendly than single person attachment).

Our Newfoundland has her AKC Canine Good Citizen certification and loves therapy sessions. We affectionately call her my velcro dog, as she follows me everywhere (Newfoundlands typically pick a favorite person, are laid back, mello and don't need too much exercise) but too big for your requirements. In the class, there were goldens, labs, a golden-doodle, and a boxer. I think it's more about the individual dog's personality than the particular breed.

Good luck!

[Innisfree]

Nm

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[Spy Car]

My advise would be to get a puppy from a well-established ethical breeder that breeds for temperament and good health, not a shelter dog. Then your daughter can bond, socialize, and train the dog from the outset.

 

Don't get a "one person" type breed. Not necessary when building bonds from infancy, and potentially dangerous to the child on the spectrum.

 

The first part won't be popular in today's culture, but is in your best interest.

 

Bill

 

 

[Spy Car]

Paws4me, thanks for your answer.

 

I think for us the strong bond to dd needs to come before any goal of therapy dog work, although if that worked out it would be nice. Dd simply wants and almost needs this dog so much. Having a sister with special needs has not been easy for her, and I'd really like for her to have the close companionship a dog could give her without, for once, sharing with her sister.

 

I agree, the dogs I think of as one-person dogs are not what we need. But is a middle ground possible? We are willing to put in plenty of time training, and in fact dd has looked into the possibility of agility training. I spent many hours training the dog I had as an adolescent, and found it extremely rewarding. I'd like to look at the dog as an equivalent to an extracurricular activity, to which we would devote a great deal of time.

 

The bulldog idea appealed to dd because of dh's instant endorsement. It obviously is not suited to agility, or probably to much obedience work, but I was holding out some hope of the therapy dog possibilities.

 

They are not a breed that particularly appeals to me (so no breed-boosteism here), but reading your requirements I'd add Border Collies to your list of considerations. Agility training was created for Border Collies.

 

A Bulldog (and I am fond of them too) is a terrible choice.

 

Bill

[Innisfree]

Thank you, everyone! 

 

Responding to a few points... AnIsland Girl, one dog at the local shelter is a lab/newfoundland mix. Yes, he's at the high end of our size range, but he had caught my eye, and maybe we should visit him too. Thanks!

 

Bill, yes, I have been thinking about going to a reputable breeder. We have actually looked into golden retrievers and the various golden retriever or lab mixes. I am willing to do that, and I completely take your point in suggesting it. Our last shelter dog was just so fantastic, though, that I hate to not even look there.

[hornblower]

If she likes the idea of agility training, then I'd encourage her to start reading Silvia Trkman's website. She is a Slovenian woman who started very young, teaching herself positive methods when they were not very popular yet, and her parents while not against it all, weren't apparently that supportive so as a kid she had to take her dog on the bus to the training center. :lol:  And it was a large samoyed!

Anyway - she's now a gazillion time national champion and euro champ and world champ with a bunch of different dogs. She's fun & her dvd's are well worth it. The online classes are very good too. If you're a full participant she will comment on your videos that you upload to the classroom & give lots of advice.

This is her very old site which she keeps only as an archive but it's where you can read her story of her first dog, which she got when she was 11.

Her new site & blog & videos are all here: http://www.lolabuland.com/



I would not get a bulldog. They really can't run agility for one thing. They can barely walk frankly & yeah, their bills will put the vet's children through college.

I think bonding is almost all a reflection of time (both amount & quality) invested in the relationship.  Apart from a few dogs that have huge predisposition for a certain gender, it's what you put in. Dogs are much more simple than us  (& much more simple than cats too)

I'd just pick a happy, friendly and stable dog that you like the looks of.

[AK_Mom4]

I think most younger dogs will bond closely with the human who provides the majority of their care.  I think if you can establish early on that your DD does all the feeding, walking and cuddling, then it won't matter if you need to be the dogs "backup human".  Our two dogs are much closer to DD13 than the older kids because she was the one who was home in the house with them all the time and participated in most of the training and care.  Our dogs are mutts and friendly, but definitely prefer DH, DD13 or I over others.

 

Dog sleeping in her room is a great plan, especially if the two of them might need to go there on occasion.  Your DD's room can be a haven not just for her, but for the dog too. 

 

I personally love poodles and think a poodle or poodle-mix would be sturdy enough and have the right temperament to make a good buddy dog for a child with a special needs sibling.

[Butter]

I'm not sure you *can* force a dog to bond the most with one particular person, at least if the dog is regularly playing with by all in the family.  My daughter begged for a dog for years.  We finally were in a place (not renting) where we could have a dog.  We got our Lola about a year and a half ago.  Lola chooses to sleep with my oldest son most of the time.  She hangs out with my daughter when they are on the couch and they are well bonded, but if it comes right down to it, Lola's favorites are me and my oldest son.  We didn't do anything to make it go that way (except perhaps my oldest son holding her and petting her a LOT).  She just chose.

[hornblower]

Dogs go where there is reinforcement. That reinforcement might be attn, food, playtime, cuddles, training, attn, quiet time - whatever the dog's currency is.

They also avoid people who make them uncomfortable. So if a dog is sensitive to noise & movement, they might avoid a young loud child but choose to hang out with a quiet calm child.

Or a pick a quiet calm man over the talkative/hands waving woman.  They might find the man's deliberate calm movements much more understandable for instance.

I just look at where the dog's going and what it's avoiding and from that you can see what the dog's reinforcers are and what its aversives are. (& they vary for dogs.  Some dogs like cuddles  and others don't etc...)

[Pawz4me]

Paws4me, thanks for your answer.

 

I think for us the strong bond to dd needs to come before any goal of therapy dog work, although if that worked out it would be nice. Dd simply wants and almost needs this dog so much. Having a sister with special needs has not been easy for her, and I'd really like for her to have the close companionship a dog could give her without, for once, sharing with her sister.

 

I agree, the dogs I think of as one-person dogs are not what we need. But is a middle ground possible? We are willing to put in plenty of time training, and in fact dd has looked into the possibility of agility training. I spent many hours training the dog I had as an adolescent, and found it extremely rewarding. I'd like to look at the dog as an equivalent to an extracurricular activity, to which we would devote a great deal of time.

 

The bulldog idea appealed to dd because of dh's instant endorsement. It obviously is not suited to agility, or probably to much obedience work, but I was holding out some hope of the therapy dog possibilities.

 

Okay -- very good that you're ranking your priorities.

 

Does your DD have any particular breeds or types of dogs that appeal to her?  I'd start there, and then narrow things down.

 

I'm a huge proponent of pet adoption.  But I do think there are times when getting a pup from a reputable breeder is the best choice.  Even though almost all of my pets have been adopted and I volunteer doing rescue, we got our Shih Tzu from a breeder for various very good (IMO) reasons.  I tend to agree with Bill that in your shoes that may be the best way to go.  I wouldn't ever rule out a shelter pet, and I'm not saying that's not a viable option.  Given your criteria of wanting it to bond with your DD, I would look for a puppy if you choose to adopt.  Not necessarily of the eight-week old variety, but youngish.

[zoobie]

Another thing to consider is what happens when DD finishes high school. Is she going to college? You can't take a dog to the dorms or most college apartments IME, and a puppy will only be 6 by that time. A good friend's family dog turned out to be super bonded to her, and when she left for college, the dog was seriously depressed. I know you can't predict the future, but... :)

 

The Golden Retriever rescue group where we have adopted two dogs has lots of adults (and seniors!). We adopted the sweetest 4 year old who would've been a great therapy dog with training. Unfortunately she passed away within a year (unrelated to being a rescue!). Our other Golden is nuts, but we knew that when we adopted her at 10 mos. ;)

[marbel]

Dogs go where there is reinforcement. That reinforcement might be attn, food, playtime, cuddles, training, attn, quiet time - whatever the dog's currency is.

 

They also avoid people who make them uncomfortable. So if a dog is sensitive to noise & movement, they might avoid a young loud child but choose to hang out with a quiet calm child.

Or a pick a quiet calm man over the talkative/hands waving woman.  They might find the man's deliberate calm movements much more understandable for instance.

 

I just look at where the dog's going and what it's avoiding and from that you can see what the dog's reinforcers are and what its aversives are. (& they vary for dogs.  Some dogs like cuddles  and others don't etc...)

 

This is interesting to me.  But my dog can't be the only one who knows that there are different people in the family who provide differently:

 

- when he is high energy and wants to play outside, run around, play "rough," he seeks my husband and/or son.  It's very obvious what he wants, and that he wants one of them for it.

 

- when he is scared or sick he comes to me.  On stormy nights he sleeps in my closet, which has no door and which is right next to my bed in our small bedroom.  He tends to follow me around when he's hungry (though we are usually pretty good about feeding him on time).

 

- when something is bugging him - like sap on his paw or dried grass between his toes - he goes to my daughter.  She is the only one who can mess with him - pick stuff out of his hair, etc.  He also allows her to put hats and scarves on him.  :-)  When he's tired he goes to her room, and in winter he sleeps on her bed.   She can cuddle him like crazy but he'll move away from the rest of us if we try that.

 

Dogs are so interesting.

 

[hornblower]

I was out for a bit & thought about this some more & want to add that I'd actually strongly advise AGAINST a puppy given a child on the spectrum (eta in the house. I realize it's not the intended dog primary)

Puppies are no guarantees. Many  puppies get removed from service & guide dog programs even though they passed their puppy temperament testing with flying colors.

 

And uncontrolled exposure of a puppy to a volatile situation can cause lifelong problems for the puppy (esp if it's going through a fear period)

It would be much safer to find a young adult dog with an unflappable temperament.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The dd who wants the dog is not on the spectrum, right?  Will you be able to keep the dog away from your other dd during meltdowns?

 

Our disabled dog, Libby, was very bonded to me but has now bonded just as well to dd once she started to sleep in dd's room. She was already 4 years old when she moved into dd's room.   Dd does all of her care.  Still, Libby will come to me during thunderstorms.  Dd forgives me for that.   ;)

[Pawz4me]

I was out for a bit & thought about this some more & want to add that I'd actually strongly advise AGAINST a puppy given a child on the spectrum.

 

Puppies are no guarantees. Many  puppies get removed from service & guide dog programs even though they passed their puppy temperament testing with flying colors.

 

And uncontrolled exposure of a puppy to a volatile situation can cause lifelong problems for the puppy (esp if it's going through a fear period)

 

It would be much safer to find a young adult dog with an unflappable temperament.

 

The problem is the same as with your example of puppies who are removed from guide and service dog programs -- An adult dog who appears to have an unflappable temperament in a shelter or foster home may not be so unflappable when confronted with a special needs child.

 

I know it sounds like I'm disagreeing with you, but I'm not.  Just stating the flip side of the coin.  I think there's a certain amount of risk in whatever the OP chooses.  I just don't think it's possible in this situation to say that either one will be "much safer."

 

To echo Marbel's comment -- dogs are interesting.  I actually don't think they're simple at all.  Not being simplistic is exactly why it's very difficult to make generalizations about dogs. ;)

[hornblower]

true that :)

[total aside - I was watching Susan Garrett's puppy peaks online coaching thing yesterday & having such a laugh at the puppy she picked. It's SUCH a naughty puppy LOL but I'm sure she'll be a champ soon. There's a video half way through this post which is quite funny ]

[RioSamba]

In your shoes, I would look for a "retired" adult from a responsible breeder. When you have very specific needs, a known quantity with respect to temperment may be a better choice. Some states also have programs where rescued dogs live with and are trained by prisoners. This would be another option for a "known" temperment.

 

I adopted my most precious, soulmate dog from her breeder when said dog was three years old. I can't find words to describe the bond we shared. She died more than two years ago and it feels like yesterday.

 

I wish you all the best in finding the perfect dog or puppy for your family!

[thewaka]

[total aside - I was watching Susan Garrett's puppy peaks online coaching thing yesterday & having such a laugh at the puppy she picked. It's SUCH a naughty puppy LOL but I'm sure she'll be a champ soon. There's a video half way through this post which is quite funny ]

 

I love Susan Garrett!

 

We have a standard poodle (which I wanted after researching many breeds), and he is fabulous. I think a standard poo would be great for what you want. However, although they don't shed, their hair doesn't stop growing, just like human hair, so there is quite a bit of grooming required. This would provide an excellent way for your DD to bond with the dog, though.

[Innisfree]

So we visited the shelter. The bulldog has already been adopted, thank goodness, and somehow I just don't think I'm going to be able to find another. 😉

 

We spent time with a very sweet boxer mix who has a good history with small kids, cats and other dogs, and we've come home to do a lot of reading and thinking.

 

The last time I adopted a dog it was a process of months, and I probably exhausted the patience of a few shelter volunteers along the way. Dd understands the time frame here and the need for careful decisions. So, we're not going to have any instant resolution. But I wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate getting ideas from so many experienced dog owners.

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[Innisfree]

And, hornblower, thanks for the links. Dd is going to enjoy those! I love the story of a girl who succeeded so well in training her dog.

[Pen]

I came to this thread late and maybe you already found your dd's new dog, but I wanted to say that our dog is a type that might fit exactly what you need (no, we are not willing to give him up).

 

He is a part Labrador Retriever part Dalmatian--we call him a Labramatian. Both his parents were working service dogs (for Iraq war vets, and I think more doing therapy than anything else though one was I think a medical alert dog and one a balance helper also as I understand it) and while he is not, it shows in his temperament.  He is not brilliant, but is eager to please which makes him quite trainable though we have not spent as much time and energy as I'd like on his training...luckily he is a naturally well-behaved dog so this has been fine.  The Lab part makes him less one person than many a Dalmatian is, but also helps him be more easy going as might be needed with a child with meltdowns around.  He is incredibly sweet, especially amazing to me since he is an intact male.  He does bark when people arrive and is thus a decent watchdog, but not in any way inclined to be dangerous, does fine at dog parks, with other people, with our chickens, cats and so on.  He is, at two years old, quite active when outside, but calm indoors, unless my son deliberately riles him up.  He is not at all a one-person dog, but is especially bonded with my son. The dog co-sleeps with his humans which adds to his being bonded, I think (he starts with my son under the covers until they get too hot, I think, then comes into my room and then returns to my son in the morning).

 

 

I keep thinking I should contact some group that works with Service Dogs and tell them that this is a combo that should be more used.

 

He is 65 pounds (bigger than we expected he would turn out, but smaller than a typical Lab), gets along with other animals, and basically meets every requirement you stipulated. His one problem has been some allergy issues and right now fleas which is not his fault as he caught them at the vets.  Male Dalmatians often have urinary tract problems but the cross with the Labrador eliminates that.

[purplejackmama]

Our Goldendoodle is the best dog with our family. Super smart, easy to train, calm.

[Catwoman]

Innisfree, have you found the right dog yet?

[StephanieZ]

Hmmm. First, I'd explain to dd that healthy/undamaged dogs will love whoever is kind to the dog, and generally anyone who is not unkind. Further, you will only have healthy/undamaged pets in your home . . . thus, the dog will be an equal opportunity lover. :)

 

That said, dogs generally get attached to whoever provides the things the dog loves. Food, affection, snuggles, walks, etc. One of our dogs has taken a GREAT affection for our oldest dd, not because she feeds the dog (dh generally does that), but because when I developed asthma and discovered I'm allergic to dogs and cats (great, right?), we had to boot the pets out of our bedroom. This was MY sweet baby dog, who I had forced since birth (yep, we had rescued her mom pregnant), to sleep with me in our bed. So, now the poor kiddo was bed-less . . . and my oldest dd took on the lovely duty of letting her sleep in bed with her. Since then, the dog LOVES oldest dd more than life itself. She will accept substitutes when dd is away from home, but sadly, with many longing glances at the door until dd finally comes home. Now, this would not work for every dog, since not every dog loves snuggles. :)

 

I'd suggest that dd study up on dog behavior (not "Training" but behavior) . . . and then plan to be the person to feed, walk, play with, sleep with, etc the dog as much as possible to maximize the chance that the dog will love her best. But, no guarantees. Hearts are free agents, better learn that with a dog now than a friend or lover later! You can be the most attractive companion possible to the dog (or friend or lover), but that doesn't guarantee you their sole loyalty.

[Ausmumof3]

Blue heelers are often referred to as one person dogs and tend to bond strongly to their family. However they can have biting issues if they are not well trained and handled, so probably not the best for a therapy dog.

[Saraswati]

I'm going to have to put in a vote for Greyhounds here. You'll likely find a local rescue for retired racers in your area. They're wonderfully calm dogs. Most rescues keep them in foster for a while before adopting them out so they can give a thorough description of the dog's personality. They'd work hard to fit a dog to your specific needs.

[Remudamom]

I had a rough coated Collie that fit all of those requirements.  I've had four different types of herders, collies, border collies, Australian sheperds and ACDs.  Go with the classic Lassie type.

 

eta- agreeing with the above poster about heelers (ACDs)  Mine was tough and fierce and didn't listen to anyone but me.  She was with me almost constantly, when she was a baby I carried her with me in a baby carrier thingy.  She was trained and worked with and still got in a few nips.  They are bull headed too.  She wouldn't let grandma out of the car unless I was there.  Grandma, for pete's sake.

[Northwoodsmama]

I know this is outside your size requirements- but do consider Newfoundlands! We have 2 and many people comment on how calm and laid back they are. They're (not mine yet) frequently used for therapy type dogs, and they are almost cat-like in their love of cuddling. Depending on where you are, try a Newfie Rescue- one of ours is a former commercial breeder rescue and we could not ask for a more wonderful dog!

[J-rap]

I'd get a "family" dog, one that you know likes all people.  (or that the breed does)  This kind of a dog will bond with everyone in your family.  Whoever spends time with him will think he is bonding with him/her in particular, but in reality, he will just go with anyone in your family who wants to be with him.

 

We have had several dogs like that.  Two of them were mutts, and one of them was a collie.  The collie was amazing, but he did require a lot of exercise.