Run in with school principal-- grr- made me so sad

[Lieutenant Stranger]

OK..so, first and foremost, I happen to live in a state where the law allows homeschooled children to take extracurricular activities at their local school. 

 

My children (and myself) participated in Odyssey of the Mind last year at School A. School A does not have an OM team this year, so we went to school B, which is also close by. (Our town has open enrollment, so kids can basically go anywhere they choose.)

 

I visit the OM meeting at School B and offer, once again, to coach. I was met with what can only be a "you disgust me" look from the principal, which she tried to cover with a "gee, I don't know."  She and another teacher there started coming up with every reason why we can't join. Even when I told them it was the LAW, and I know the law, and we're willing to abide by all rules, she was just bent on keeping us out. 

 

She said she needed to talk to the school district. Replied to me today with a very condescending email, which picked and choosed at what parts of the law she wanted to abide by. Got me on "you're not zoned for our school," even though 1. it is open enrollment here and 2. law says that any homeschooled child whose zoned school doesn't offer an activity can then go to another school to try out.

 

She then went on to say that since my children weren't enrolled at any school, I would have to be fingerprinted to be cleared- even though this has not happened in the past. Since when does having a child at a school = not be a creepy molester? I'm not just some random childless whacko-- I am a PARENT COACH. She then made sure to CC the principal at school A to make sure I cannot get on their team, either, since fingerprinting can take up to 90 days. (Not that they even have a team right now, but who knows.)

 

I'm just so upset and disgusted. I have no desire to do OM with her school anymore- I do not want my children around that woman. But, it just hurts that she tries to keep my kids out + make sure to make it as hard as humanly possible for me to join any team. I get it. You're a principal of a school. I'm a homeschooler. We have different paths, but we BOTH ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT CHILDREN. 

 

I feel like not fighting this makes her win and just enforces her weird notion that she doesn't have to let a homeschooler in, even though, legally, she does. But, at the same time, this has just all made me so sad + angry, and has put a huge damper on my weekend, and now, day. 

[Tap]

Sorry that does sound frustrating. The law in our start requires any volunteer to be finger printed so it could very well be a law in your area too. Maybe they overlooked it last year accidentally?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I would write her a letter telling her exactly that. I would cite the appropriate portions of the laws in question, CCing the other principal, the school superintendent, the PTA president--pretty much anyone with any kind of authority--and I would tell her that I would be happy to get fingerprinted if that's what it takes to be able to offer the enriching Odyssey of the Mind program to HER students as well as yours, and that if necessary, you'd be happy to get your lawyer involved. 

 

Nothing stiffens my spine like someone telling me I can't do something when I know I can. If you're sure about your interpretation of your local laws, then fight on, sister soldier. 

 

Alternatively, screw her and her OM program. There are probably lots of homeschoolers who would love to be part of an Odyssey or Destination Imagination team. Start your own!

[Pink and Green Mom]

Sorry that does sound frustrating. The law in our start requires any volunteer to be finger printed so it could very well be a law in your area too. Maybe they overlooked it last year accidentally?

 

I live in FL and this is true at our local elementary school. You cannot be a parent lunch volunteer, a mentor/buddy, classroom helper, or field trip chaperone without being fingerprinted.

[NorthwestMom]

I agree with previous posters. The principal is an idiot, and you probably have to be background checked to coach. Don't conflate the two issues. :)

[Lieutenant Stranger]

I'd be happy to do the fingerprinting if it was for everyone. But-- in this district, apparently, being the parent of a student is enough that you don't have to be fingerprinted. "Look! My kids go to your schools! I'm not creepy!"  It is really picking and choosing- I'd be a parent coach of a team, which includes my + other kids. I'm not combining the issues (well, not intentionally), it is just she's trying to pull this on me when I've volunteered in this district in the past. I'm happy to do it- just make it for everyone, not just another hurdle to keep the weirdo homeschooler out.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I'd be happy to do the fingerprinting if it was for everyone. But-- in this district, apparently, being the parent of a student is enough that you don't have to be fingerprinted. "Look! My kids go to your schools! I'm not creepy!"  It is really picking and choosing- I'd be a parent coach of a team, which includes my + other kids. 

 

Then back that up with documentation when you contact her about the other stuff. I agree that your state HS association is probably your first phone call here. Personally, I consider this an issue I'd take a stand on. If you're lucky enough to have such laws in place, they're worth fighting to keep rather than letting some petty dictator chip away at them.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

Then back that up with documentation when you contact her about the other stuff. I agree that your state HS association is probably your first phone call here. Personally, I consider this an issue I'd take a stand on. If you're lucky enough to have such laws in place, they're worth fighting to keep rather than letting some petty dictator chip away at them.

 

That's what I worry about - if I don't stand up for something like this (and it really is a good law, I'm super impressed by it), will it make things harder for other people down the road?

[elfgivas]

fingerprinting is par for the course these days whenever an adult has anything to do with children in an official capacity.  its true for girl scouts, many volunteer positions, etc, etc.  i would have been surprised if they HADN'T required it.

 

that said, it sounds as if it felt bad in part because of the way they were with you, and in part because you equated it with this: "Since when does having a child at a school = not be a creepy molester?"  it feels awful, but really its all about them covering themselves, and nothing about you.

 

off to proctor ap chemistry test.

ann

[JoJosMom]

OK..so, first and foremost, I happen to live in a state where the law allows homeschooled children to take extracurricular activities at their local school. 

 

My children (and myself) participated in Odyssey of the Mind last year at School A. School A does not have an OM team this year, so we went to school B, which is also close by. (Our town has open enrollment, so kids can basically go anywhere they choose.)

 

I visit the OM meeting at School B and offer, once again, to coach. I was met with what can only be a "you disgust me" look from the principal, which she tried to cover with a "gee, I don't know."  She and another teacher there started coming up with every reason why we can't join. Even when I told them it was the LAW, and I know the law, and we're willing to abide by all rules, she was just bent on keeping us out. 

 

She said she needed to talk to the school district. Replied to me today with a very condescending email, which picked and choosed at what parts of the law she wanted to abide by. Got me on "you're not zoned for our school," even though 1. it is open enrollment here and 2. law says that any homeschooled child whose zoned school doesn't offer an activity can then go to another school to try out.

 

She then went on to say that since my children weren't enrolled at any school, I would have to be fingerprinted to be cleared- even though this has not happened in the past. Since when does having a child at a school = not be a creepy molester? I'm not just some random childless whacko-- I am a PARENT COACH. She then made sure to CC the principal at school A to make sure I cannot get on their team, either, since fingerprinting can take up to 90 days. (Not that they even have a team right now, but who knows.)

 

I'm just so upset and disgusted. I have no desire to do OM with her school anymore- I do not want my children around that woman. But, it just hurts that she tries to keep my kids out + make sure to make it as hard as humanly possible for me to join any team. I get it. You're a principal of a school. I'm a homeschooler. We have different paths, but we BOTH ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT CHILDREN. 

 

I feel like not fighting this makes her win and just enforces her weird notion that she doesn't have to let a homeschooler in, even though, legally, she does. But, at the same time, this has just all made me so sad + angry, and has put a huge damper on my weekend, and now, day. 

 

If it is the law of your state that homeschoolers are allowed to participate in school activities and you believe that the principal is trying to do an end-run around the law, then I would suggest that you contact your state department of education (or instruction or whatever it is.)  I would also suggest that you contact your state representative.  If it is worth it to you to make a stink about it.

 

I also totally get your vent.  I had a school play the whole, "oh, we'd be delighted to have your little homeschooled darling join us for Activity X, but it's just totally filled up with public school kids. So sorry!"  I fantasized about going the stink route, but opted to just go to a different school with a more receptive staff. :grouphug:

 

 

[Momof3littles]

Your OM experience sounds remarkably similar to something that happened to us.  I also live in a state where we can participate in extracurriculars.  When I contacted the OM contact, I was passed around to several different people, and no one could or would answer my questions, or kept saying they would have to consult with so and so and get back to me about whether we could participate, etc.  I usually stand up for our rights, but I was just tired of the runaround and gave up.  My husband is a scientist and would make a great coach, but alas, no one would even answer our questions, and they were acting like they were doing us a favor to even consider whether we could join, when it is the LAW. 

 

I agree fingerprinting is the norm and I would expect to have to go through that process. 

 

[Lieutenant Stranger]

I am learning so much about the law. I called the superintendent's office. Parents/guardians do NOT need to be fingerprinted. 

 

The law for homeschooling states any child who comes for the extracurriculars is to be treated "as a student." Therefore, if my child participates, she is a student and I am the parent of a student.

 

Maybe my state is not stringent for fingerprints-- I volunteer for Girl Scouts (troop leader, now just volunteer) and I needed a background check, references and an interview, but no prints.

[Ellie]

Oooo... I'm seeing red on your behalf.

 

I think I'd consult with my state homeschool legal association (or HSLDA, or whomever) and get them to write a nasty letter to her to make her back pedal and apologize for her error. Then I'd make it perfectly clear that I refuse to join the team because of her outright disdain for me.

 

Sorry that she's being a jerk.

 

It is probable that HSLDA would not use its resources to help homeschoolers participate in a public school program. It has nothing to do with the OP's ability to teach her children at home, KWIM?

 

Personally, I would probably be inclined to press the issue just because the principal's behavior is so egregious.

[Dory]

Personally I'd be inclined to press the issue just because I would hate to have such a jerk win.

 

I am rather surprised that they don't require any fingerprinting. In our area, if a parent wants to be involved with the other students at all, he/she needs a background check. My dh and I got one as soon as our kids enrolled in any school function just so it wouldn't slow anything up. Really though, it just is all the more annoying that the principal would pick and choose things just to keep you out. It amazes me that people that ignorant is who so many people are entrusting the future of their children with.

[AimeeM]

Wny do you need to join the schools OM team? The rule change presented here was that anyone can form a team and it does not have to be affiliated with a school, just a recognized community group.

 

Also, how does b eing homeschooled get your children an automatic placement on a team? Dont they have to go thru the same selection process as the other students? Or are there enough teams to accomodate every student in the school?

I think in a reply she stipulated "allowed to try out" for a team at any school (open enrollment).

[Amy in NH]

I'd call the superintendent and raise holy hell.  And if she didn't get a reprimand that way, I'd contact the state Department of Education and complain there.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

Wny do you need to join the schools OM team? The rule change presented here was that anyone can form a team and it does not have to be affiliated with a school, just a recognized community group.

 

Also, how does b eing homeschooled get your children an automatic placement on a team? Dont they have to go thru the same selection process as the other students? Or are there enough teams to accomodate every student in the school?

 

There are no other teams to join. The only homeschooled program is for middle-high schoolers, not age-appropriate for my kids.  We can't start a community team- like, make up a community organization to "sponsor" the kids. Also, if for some reason I was able to get an organization to sponsor my team, we're unable to take any students whose schools already have an OM program. Last year, I'd say all of the elementaries plus the charter schools around here had teams. While we do know some school kids, most of them attend a school that has an OM team. There are other teams we are sniffing around to try for- but this (by far) is the closest to us.

 

There are enough spots on the team-- this school has more than one team- I think last year it was 7? Not to mention, I love to coach-- and it offers more children (besides my own) to be in this awesome activity.

[Chris in VA]

I think I'd send a letter, and then not bother attending, because that's way too much negativity for me to be in the same building with.

 

I *might* go ahead and jump through the volunteer hoops (fingerprinting or whatever) and then start next year. But again, she's acting like to big a ... for me to be around.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

Couldn't the middle-high schoolers sponsor sponsor your elementary team?

 

I tried that route- thinking PERFECT! They've been advertising this since about May, and apparently, we're the only people with kids this age who want to do it. We need at least 5 kids to make a team. Also, I spoke with the coach and it became a bit clear that she breaks the rules of OM by dictating to the children what they can/can't do-- that is super not allowed and it takes away from the fun of it.

 

I think there's other schools we should be able to get- we were at a school last year on a team and my kids enjoyed it. It really is a great way for them to meet new friends outside of homeschooling.

[LucyStoner]

Here all school volunteers, parents of enrolled students or not, are required to do a background check.

 

I agree she's being a jerk but on the background check point, every volunteer should be doing those, not just homeschool parents.

[displace]

I'm sorry you're going through this :(

 

[LibraryLover]

Also, no go without a negative TB test.

 

I live in FL and this is true at our local elementary school. You cannot be a parent lunch volunteer, a mentor/buddy, classroom helper, or field trip chaperone without being fingerprinted.

 

[Little Nyssa]

I was going to say, contact the school superintendent, but I see you did that, so I hope the principal will have to agree! I would give it a chance... it might be that she will now be more accepting, once put in her place. :)

[Arcadia]

Also, no go without a negative TV test.

You probably meant TB test and the test results has to be less than 2 years old :)

Rules were lax when my older was in Kinder and I could volunteer in class and chaperone on field trips. When he was in 1st grade (2010) the school district tighten the rules for all volunteers including attending mandatory volunteer training so I gave up volunteering. There was a lock down and a bomb scare since then so district is lots stricter now about visitors and volunteers.

[Saddlemomma]

I had a somewhat similar situation a couple years ago with a principal in our area. I didn't mess around with her. I went over her head and contacted the superintendent, apprised him of the situation, remanded him of the law, and politely, but firmly, demanded my right to enroll my DD into band class. I had no further issues with that principal, and my DD enjoyed her class last year.

 

As a homeschooler, I feel it is my responsibility to stand up for my DD's rights to provide an example for her and help pave the way for other homeschoolers.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

I had a somewhat similar situation a couple years ago with a principal in our area. I didn't mess around with her. I went over her head and contacted the superintendent, apprised him of the situation, remanded him of the law, and politely, but firmly, demanded my right to enroll my DD into band class. I had no further issues with that principal, and my DD enjoyed her class last year.

 

As a homeschooler, I feel it is my responsibility to stand up for my DD's rights to provide an example for her and help pave the way for other homeschoolers.

 

I have my full email written out...but have yet to hit send. As a homeschooler, I always worry that something will happen and someone will show up and question anything I'm doing.

 

It is a good letter, and what she is doing is wrong. I want to let both the principal and the superintendent know that this is wrong and there are laws, but somehow, I get scared that there will be repercussions placed on my family. 

[Anne in CA]

I would really let the superintendent know the whole scenario. It is not right for your tax dollars to support something you cant use.

[Joanne]

I had a somewhat similar situation a couple years ago with a principal in our area. I didn't mess around with her. I went over her head and contacted the superintendent, apprised him of the situation, remanded him of the law, and politely, but firmly, demanded my right to enroll my DD into band class. I had no further issues with that principal, and my DD enjoyed her class last year.

 

As a homeschooler, I feel it is my responsibility to stand up for my DD's rights to provide an example for her and help pave the way for other homeschoolers.

 

This, with a threat and intention to write a Letter to the Editor if not responded to professionally and with compliance to the law.

[Joanne]

I have my full email written out...but have yet to hit send. As a homeschooler, I always worry that something will happen and someone will show up and question anything I'm doing.

 

It is a good letter, and what she is doing is wrong. I want to let both the principal and the superintendent know that this is wrong and there are laws, but somehow, I get scared that there will be repercussions placed on my family. 

 

Advocacy, by definition, is risky.

 

I'd support you and understand if you don't hit send.

 

I'd support you and understand if you did.

[Serenade]

Some people just suck. Sorry you are going through this.

[Suzanne115]

I personally would go over her head.  Even if you end up not participating, it will send a message that she can't get away with treating people like that.  I think I would contact the superintendent and the board of education.  I'm sorry for what you are going through.

 

 

Suzanne

[Lizzie in Ma]

That stinks, sorry to hear it. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Okra]

I'm sorry you are frustrated.  But, as for the fingerprinting, many activities require coaches that are going to be around children to do a background check.  They are not saying that you are a child abuser, just that they do background checks on all coaches.

 

But, feel free to not join if it bothers you.

[SKL]

Fingerprinting can be done quickly.  Do some research and see if there is a quicker way and then that argument will be gone from their arsenal.

I think the fingerprinting thing is idiotic, but if it really is a rule, don't leave an opening for them to use that against you.

 

I would "reply to all" with a very civil but to the point statement about the law and the fact that you and she are both supposed to be concerned about what's best for children.  Do it in a way that makes you look reasonable but embarrasses her in front of the other principal.  :)  Hey, she opened herself up to it many times over.

[Ellie]

Fingerprinting can be done quickly.  Do some research and see if there is a quicker way and then that argument will be gone from their arsenal.

I think the fingerprinting thing is idiotic, but if it really is a rule, don't leave an opening for them to use that against you.

 

.

 

From the OP: "She then went on to say that since my children weren't enrolled at any school, I would have to be fingerprinted to be cleared- even though this has not happened in the past. Since when does having a child at a school = not be a creepy molester? I'm not just some random childless whacko-- I am a PARENT COACH. She then made sure to CC the principal at school A to make sure I cannot get on their team, either, since fingerprinting can take up to 90 days. (Not that they even have a team right now, but who knows.)"

 

Fingerprinting has not been required in the past. That the principal says it must be done now, for this one parent, is highly suspicious, especially given her other behavior.

 

FTR, I don't know why it would take up to 90 days to be fingerprinted. I've had to do that more than once, and it only takes a few minutes.

[SKL]

From the OP: "She then went on to say that since my children weren't enrolled at any school, I would have to be fingerprinted to be cleared- even though this has not happened in the past. Since when does having a child at a school = not be a creepy molester? I'm not just some random childless whacko-- I am a PARENT COACH. She then made sure to CC the principal at school A to make sure I cannot get on their team, either, since fingerprinting can take up to 90 days. (Not that they even have a team right now, but who knows.)"

 

Fingerprinting has not been required in the past. That the principal says it must be done now, for this one parent, is highly suspicious, especially given her other behavior.

 

FTR, I don't know why it would take up to 90 days to be fingerprinted. I've had to do that more than once, and it only takes a few minutes.

 

I think it stinks, and it sounds like the rule (if it is a rule) is discriminatory.  But personally I would not let someone use that to control me.  And if that was her only official argument that wasn't easily dispatched by quoting clear law, then I'd rather clear that issue quickly than take it up with the Powers that Be to get that rule changed etc.

 

Ideally there would be a process whereby the discriminatory rule would be nullified, but not everyone is prepared to fight that battle.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

Just to update this- I did go over her head, to the Super. Well, I CCed him on emails. The principal was being rude in her replies to me, while I was being short, but civil and professional. Once I started asking her which state laws she was referring to, she then stopped emailing and the assistant super took over.

 

I think pointed out which laws they were breaking to her, and then uh, uh, uh....let me get back to you...uh...uh...Thursday.

 

Woman, please. Never heard back. 

 

It looks like another school is willing to take us on. I say "looks like" because I'm one of those people who won't believe it until we're at the first meeting. (Grew up with a Mom who promised all sorts of things, so I always play it safe with long term plans. I won't even admit we're ever going on vacation until rooms/tickets are BOOKED.) 

 

So, hoping things will stay well with this new school. Funny thing is-- new school is a charter and meanie principal lost a big chunk of her old team (plus my old team, as well) to here.  So...yes, she was wrong and I feel like I pointed it out to the best of my ability...but at this point, I don't want to lose any sleep or give myself unneeded wrinkles over this rude lady.