what's the deal with gofundme?

[swellmomma]

Once upon a time it was considered tacky to ask for money from others for things.  Now with social media you see it all the time.  An example is gofundme.  So is it no longer gauche to ask for money for things from others?  I can understand when someone sets up a fund on behalf of someone else who suffered a big tragedy, that is much like it used to be, the church would gather funds and items for a family who lost their home to fire etc.  But I am seeing things on there for college funds, trips, IVF and adoption (if you can't afford the treatment maybe you can't afford to have the kid, I don't know) etc.  Do people actually donate to strangers on there or is it their own facebook friends etc in which case they don't really need a whole campaign?  I want to understand better.  On one hand my upbringing of never ask for help like that because it is rude impacts my thoughts on it, on the other if I thought it was considered okay I can see how it would be good to do something like make a fund to raise enough money to fund the neurofeedback I think ds15 would benefit so much from.  So what is the thoughts of the hive? Is it tacky or genius to use social media this way?

[Slartibartfast]

My hometown was hit by a tornado last year. I did have some old friends and family members who were affected or lost their homes.

 

Websites like that did make it easy for their FB friends to donate to them even though we are all spread out all over the country.

 

I don't know that very many strangers donate to people but it worked well in that situation. 

 

 

[NotSoObvious]

(if you can't afford the treatment maybe you can't afford to have the kid, I don't know) ?

What an ignorant, callous remark.

[Haiku]

adoption (if you can't afford the treatment maybe you can't afford to have the kid, I don't know) etc. 

 

Do you have $40,000 cash available to you right now?

 

Are you still able to afford to raise your children?

 

Sorry, but I am so tired of hearing that ridiculous comment. We didn't even fundraise for our adoptions, and it still drives me up a wall.

[Chris in VA]

It doesn't really bother me. I just reposted something on my wall to help a fellow boardie. There's no pressure to give. It is what it is.

[Jenny in Florida]

Yes, I think it's tacky in most cases. As others have said, it's one thing to use such sites for charitable fund-raising or even for certain kinds of projects. I have supported things like independent movies and development of products, building museums, etc.

 

Where I get uncomfortable is when people straight up ask for money for purely personal uses. One of my son's friends is using a gofundme-like site to ask for enough money to pay tuition and living expenses for a summer program he wants to attend. The son of a woman I know casually used a site to collect money to pay for a laptop and art supplies before he enrolled in community college. That kind of stuff rubs me the wrong way. 

 

For context, I'll say that my son has accepted scholarships for certain big-ticket activities. When we simply could not raise enough money to send him on tour with his choir to England a couple of summers ago, the organization offered a scholarship to make up the difference. (At the time, one of his teachers suggested we try a site like gofundme to raise the rest of the money and even offered to set up the page for us. We thanked him for the thought but declined.) My son has also received scholarships that made it possible for him to participate in a couple of theatre programs, and we've accepted those with much gratitude.

 

So, it's not like I don't understand that such things cost money and that not every family can pay those bills out of pocket. I really do get it. But, to me, there is a difference between applying for a scholarship and just asking friends and family for money. I'm not suggesting that the second is "wrong," but it does seem kind of tacky to me, and I wouldn't feel comfortable setting up such a page.

[SJ.]

It doesn't really bother me. I just reposted something on my wall to help a fellow boardie. There's no pressure to give. It is what it is.

:iagree: 

 

There are some tremendous fundraising efforts on gofundme.  One in particular is Saving Eliza.  If I had 800,000 that I could give away I would give it to them in a heartbeat.  Alas, I do not so I gave what I could.

[Guest]

I'm not a big fan, unless it is for some tragedy. I have given donations to friends to fund adoptions or mission trips, but as a social media request, it does kind of bug me. I guess I prefer to either learn in conversation that Sally and Bob are adopting and wow, is it costly, or else I prefer the letters that tell of the plans to go to Uganda and the mission will cost three grand;can you help?

 

I do not like funding pleas for personal benefits.

[elegantlion]

It doesn't really bother me. I just reposted something on my wall to help a fellow boardie. There's no pressure to give. It is what it is.

 

:iagree:

 

I believe there is a huge difference for asking for something extra and those times when you're in crisis mode. Crisis mode in life is not fun and not always because of choices you've made. When you're at a time when donations of $10 and $20 from people who sort of know you from the Internet can make a huge difference in where and how you live tomorrow, then it's a good thing. If you're asking so Johnny can have an Xbox, then no. 

 

The ones I've seen online today have to do with personal tragedy and personal crisis. Our "communities" are often online in this day and it's nice to have a source where people can be supportive of those in their communities regardless of where their locations lie. 

 

I don't have $ to give and I probably wouldn't set up one myself even though I'm not far out of crisis mode, but I don't begrudge those who humble themselves enough to ask when there is a real need. I can however offer supportive thoughts and prayers for those situations and I know those are appreciated too. 

 

It also makes a difference if I feel I know the person and it's not someone setting up a fund and me being asked to donate out of the blue. I would never feel coerced to donate and would do so believing those asking have only the best intentions. 

[ktgrok]

As I encouraged a friend to set up a gofundme site today, I think it is genius. It used to be communities rallied together, but in our anonymous new world that doesn't happen. This is a virtual way to do the same thing. Now, I don't think it should be used for say, a vacation to Vegas or whatever, but for medical needs, housing crisis, temporary financial crisis, yes. It's a way for everyday people to help each other out. (I also think that one can afford children but not be able to afford the expenses of IVF or adoption. I personally have 3 kids and we afford them just fine, but do NOT have the funds to pay out of pocket for IVF or say, international adoption. IVD can be tens of thousands of dollars, up front.)

[ktgrok]

As someone that never has cash or a check on me, I love the ease of giving on an online site. Those scholarships at church for trips are paid for by parishoners. This is the same hting, just cutting out the middleman, you know? And it is easier for me to give online than remember to give at church, lol. (I even do my church donations online, actually)

[Meadowlark]

Using social media to fund things that I think should be personal responsibility does rub me the wrong way. So fun things and basically things that are a want and not a need. The exemption to this is tragedy and circumstances where people have no control over what has happened to them. It can be genius in the right circumstances, and tacky in the next...

[eternalsummer]

I dunno, at least it's voluntary.  People vote all the time for others to give up some of their money in the form of this or that government assistance program, tax, etc.; lawmakers appropriate general taxpayer funds for specific projects no one would vote for piecemeal.  

 

I'd rather someone ask for money, or get it from a charity that is funded voluntarily, than vote for a sales tax hike so they can build an unnecessary addition to the local public school, kwim?

[Ravin]

I've actually contemplated doing this for DD to continue doing gymnastics. There's an athlete-oriented social funding site. She's not going to be the next Olympic star, but she's getting real benefit from it and I'm not sure we can afford to keep it up. I don't want to have to tell her, "no, this thing that's important to you is beyond our means."

 

It seems a bit less gauche than asking her grandparents who could easily afford it (but keep their distance from us because DH is the black sheep) to pay for it.

 

I figure part of the point is to leave it up to those deciding whether to donate, whether or not it's a worthy cause. If the answer is "no," then don't donate and ignore it.

 

Just like if you don't want to play Candy Crush Saga, ignore the invites.

 

For people who rely on social media for, well, their social connections, it makes sense. Not everyone has a church congregation or the Hive at hand to pass around the hat.

[Slartibartfast]

I guess I just don't know what people think should be personal responsibility and what counts as something that someone cannot control.

 

I have seen people use it for anything from braces for a kid, to IVF, to help following a natural disaster, adoption fees, fees for a surrogate, to serious illnesses. I didn't think any of those things were tacky or inappropriate. I don't just assume everyone knows exactly how to use all social media tools and that I might not actually be someone's target when they post something. They might be letting their family members know. I did donate to a couple of those things but I bet people wouldn't be able to guess which ones. We don't have a lot extra due to crazy medical bills but I do now and then.

 

I haven't seen it used for "pay for my vacation yeehaw!"

 

I guess I never really thought about it much. I have worked in social media and this sort of thing doesn't bother me. I think it is great. I have quite  a few family members on FB, including distant cousins. If they did post a gofundme thing I would certainly consider it just as I do for my friends.

[eternalsummer]

I don't think I'd ever ask for money that way, but I am not offended that people do so.  Imo, it's not hugely different than when someone local dies in a car wreck and the family takes up a collection from the public to pay for funeral costs or something, facilitated by the local media.

 

I feel weird seeing it used as things that are not emergencies/needs, I guess?  But to each his own, the internet is a big free(ish) place.

[Slartibartfast]

I don't think I'd ever ask for money that way, but I am not offended that people do so.  Imo, it's not hugely different than when someone local dies in a car wreck and the family takes up a collection from the public to pay for funeral costs or something, facilitated by the local media.

 

I feel weird seeing it used as things that are not emergencies/needs, I guess?  But to each his own, the internet is a big free(ish) place.

 

That is a good analogy. It is a collection plate but our circle of loved ones are growing farther apart, not necessarily that we are moving apart but that we are finding people we care about that live far away, who we may never meet IRL. 

[Butter]

There were two I've seen (friends passing it around on FB) that were a bit eyebrow-raising.  One was for a bike.  Not something needed for competition or to get around or anything.  Just a bike for exercise and fun.  The other was a Disney vacation because, you know, you've just gotta take your kids before the magic is lost.  Most things I've seen on gofundme and other sites like it make sense.  Those two were odd.

[creekland]

I'm ok with those sites and I don't care if people are asking for Disney trips or medical needs (or anything in between).

 

People can give as they wish - or not.  This is the way life should be.

 

And to be honest, I've never actually seen the site(s)... but if I had extra $$ to give (fat chance with two in college)... I'd probably look around to see what tugged at my heart - then I'd do my best to make sure it was legit as I think it could be too easy to set something up that's "internet only."

 

We definitely give local $$ to local situations - they just haven't been through any online site (yet).  We also give to medical issues through our health share (above and beyond our actual share).  Then we have charities we support... but again, none of these were found on sites like that (yet).

[JennifersLost]

I think it's one of those things that is going to push people's buttons no matter what, because we all have different ideas about what is a need and what is a want, and when it's okay to ask for money and when it isn't. I fall into the "never ask for money" camp. But I got a gofundme email from a friend who thought it was perfectly fine to ask me to donate so she could attend an out of town wedding. I simply didn't answer it; my personal belief is that I would never ask a casual friend for a donation for that kind of expense. (I'd like to have seen my nephew graduate across the country, but I didn't hit up anyone for money) BUT some of her circle of friends might operate like this all the time.

 

So I think the take-away is to just ignore it if you don't like it. And if you use it, know that you may possibly offend someone.

[creekland]

But I got a gofundme email from a friend who thought it was perfectly fine to ask me to donate so she could attend an out of town wedding.

 

Ah, ok, I didn't realize people were sending out e-mail requests to these sites.  That kind of changes my opinion to tacky and something I would only do for "good" causes as with disasters or health issues, etc, if then.

 

Originally I was thinking it was just another site where people listed things and anyone who wanted could "shop" to donate.

 

[Audrey]

IVF and adoption (if you can't afford the treatment maybe you can't afford to have the kid, I don't know) etc.  Do people actually donate to strangers on there or is it their own facebook friends etc in which case they don't really need a whole campaign?  

 

 

The bolded is a very rude, very judgmental, very callous thing to say.  Many people desire to have children. For some it is difficult to achieve.  Who are you to decide how much money they need to have children?  What is that amount exactly?  Is it greater than the 20K, 30K, 40K for IVF?  Is it less? Where's your cut off for "afford to have the kid?"  Because, logically, shouldn't that then apply to everyone wanting to have a child?  When they can't have them without medical assistance, what do you want them to do?  Go trolling FetLife for sperm donors?  Or... what exactly? 

[Audrey]

I've come across stuff like this where it really was just someone who had an interesting idea and needed some money to get started.  Sometimes I've come across some ideas that I thought hey this is awesome I will give this person $5 because I'd like to see this.

 

So I dunno maybe the person takes the money and goes on a cruise.  Whatever.  It's $5. 

 

I somewhat prefer this than being called on the phone by companies that collect money for charities because I know in most cases the charity is hardly getting any of the money.  I realize it costs money to raise money, but I'd rather give it directly to the source when possible.

 

Agreeing strongly with the bolded.  I, too, prefer giving directly to the source (or as close to it as possible).  I'd not heard of gofundme, but I do like KickStarter.  There are quite a few projects on there I've tried to help.  I like that it doesn't have to be a large amount (because I don't usually have a lot!) and also that it is rather anonymous (because I don't really want a fuss, I just want to donate, KWIM?)

[bettyandbob]

My friends dh died a week ago yesterday. One of her neighbors set up a fund website for the family. This is what I think these sights are for.

 

I was uncomfortable and did not respond to a requests to fund a cousin's son's graduate school.

[Slartibartfast]

Agreeing strongly with the bolded.  I, too, prefer giving directly to the source (or as close to it as possible).  I'd not heard of gofundme, but I do like KickStarter.  There are quite a few projects on there I've tried to help.  I like that it doesn't have to be a large amount (because I don't usually have a lot!) and also that it is rather anonymous (because I don't really want a fuss, I just want to donate, KWIM?)

 

Kickstarter is great! So many interesting things are being brought to light that may never had a chance before now.

[eternalsummer]

I've come across stuff like this where it really was just someone who had an interesting idea and needed some money to get started.  Sometimes I've come across some ideas that I thought hey this is awesome I will give this person $5 because I'd like to see this.

 

So I dunno maybe the person takes the money and goes on a cruise.  Whatever.  It's $5. 

 

I somewhat prefer this than being called on the phone by companies that collect money for charities because I know in most cases the charity is hardly getting any of the money.  I realize it costs money to raise money, but I'd rather give it directly to the source when possible.

 

Yes, exactly, and I definitely prefer it to people in power or even a majority of voters just deciding to raise taxes or issue bonds (basically saddling the public with debt) to pursue a project.

[Audrey]

Kickstarter is great! So many interesting things are being brought to light that may never had a chance before now.

 

 

Yes!  I like following along to see how the campaigns are going, too.  I'm following the progress on the Bring Reading Rainbow Back kickstarter campaign at the moment.  I'd link to it, but that might be considered spamming. 

[creekland]

I somewhat prefer this than being called on the phone by companies that collect money for charities because I know in most cases the charity is hardly getting any of the money.  I realize it costs money to raise money, but I'd rather give it directly to the source when possible.

 

We never, ever, give to any fundraising on the phone no matter who it is.  I guess I'd be equally as wary of a charity online with these sites (vs a known charity and their own site).  An individual I didn't know?  I'd still try to see what I could dig up via google before pushing any "donate" button.

[Lavandula]

There's a few of them like it. None of them have bothered me, really. I'd see how it'd be annoying if they were spamming the link or guilt tripping people, but if they just post the link and try to spread it around a bit. It's really none of my business and I donate if I like the cause. Why is it tacky? I understand if you're uncomfortable making one but I think it's perfectly fine to ask for help as long as you're being polite about it.

 

eta: these things about the cable bill and disney world things are tacky. I've never seen anything like that! 

 

There's a few of them like it. None of them have bothered me, really. I'd see how it'd be annoying if they were spamming the link or guilt tripping people, but if they just post the link and try to spread it around a bit I'm fine. It's really none of my business and I donate if I like the cause. I understand if you're uncomfortable making one but I think it's perfectly fine to ask for help as long as you're being polite about it.

 

[sewingmama]

Having suffered fertility issues myself...I'm a sucker for anyone trying to raise money to get a child...adoption, IVF, surrogate..doesnt matter to me.

 

Luckily for me I was finally able to have children without intervention but if that hadn't happened we would be childless as we don't have a lump sum of cash sitting around to "pay for a child". Despite that..my kids have everything they need plus more and we have even have space and funds to raise another child or two so long as its " paid over time" lol. We cant adopt though...its too expensive and full of red tape in Australia. So because we don't have $60 000 up front ... a child that could of been living in a family is still living in an orphanage.

 

its the job of a social worker to determine whether a person has enough resources to raise a child....being able to afford the upfront costs has nothing to do with what they look at when deciding this.

 

if you cant afford to purchase a car or a house up front in a lump sum payment...does that mean you shouldn't have one?

[Annie G]

I think it's one of those things that is going to push people's buttons no matter what, because we all have different ideas about what is a need and what is a want, and when it's okay to ask for money and when it isn't. I fall into the "never ask for money" camp. But I got a gofundme email from a friend who thought it was perfectly fine to ask me to donate so she could attend an out of town wedding. I simply didn't answer it; my personal belief is that I would never ask a casual friend for a donation for that kind of expense. (I'd like to have seen my nephew graduate across the country, but I didn't hit up anyone for money) BUT some of her circle of friends might operate like this all the time.

 

So I think the take-away is to just ignore it if you don't like it. And if you use it, know that you may possibly offend someone.

 

This is how I feel.  The ones asking for help with legitimate needs don't bother me a bit, except that I don't have enough funds to donate to each one. But then those asking for a wedding or honeymoon, trip to Hawaii, bike, semester abroad...those kinds of things bug me. Here's why- we were raised to work for what we needed, knowing that we would have to live within our means.   This new Gofundme seems to sway folks to the idea that they're entitled to things they cannot afford- they SHOULD have that dream wedding or that fabulous honeymoon. It's an entitlement mentality.

 

And then I'm thinking...dd has some college loans, and ds will, too. Not a lot, $15,000 max. But they have to work to pay them off. Should they have started a gofundme program to keep from needing these loans? No. Their education, their responsibility. 

 

And Kickstarter can be good or bad, too. A local cupcake place went out of business after a year because he didn't sell enough to pay his bills. He started a kickstarter and then went on his Facebook page and slammed our whole city for not supporting his dream of reopening the shop.  He called people out by name- people who had 'liked' his Facebook page when his store was open but who hadn't donated to his Kickstarter, he posted on his board asking why they liked him but didn't contribute. So ignoring is a good plan unless the people get mad.  He felt entitled to follow his dream...on our dime. 

 

So...some are great causes. 

[Jennifer132]

IMO, it depends on what you are funding. My sil started a campaign to build a handicap accessible bathroom for her dh who has ALS. They couldn't really raise 10,000 dollars alone, so a campaign made it alot easier to direct people to a site where they could help them. From what I saw, friends donated, and friends of friends donated. But I liked that there was a site because I could post it on facebook, and then my friends posted it on theirs. To me, that's a true need, it's unforeseen (he is only 30, and was in good health), and a great way for people to help. She even had a video of him showing how incredibly hard it was for him to use the current bathroom (can't turn door knob, can't lift leg into shower, toilet too low, bathroom too narrow for her to help wash him).

 

On the other hand, I had one show up in my feed for a friend who was raising money for Disneyland passes because, and I quote, "Knott's Berry Farm gets boring, and we don't have the money for Disney passes this year". That fund bothered me, I won't lie. He played it off like he was such a martyr, even saying if he didn't raise all the money, he would forgo the pass for himself and just get them for his preschool aged daughters and wife. Maybe I'm mean, but I was glad that no one donated to his fund.

[Carol in Cal.]

I would much rather see a gofundme ad than get a personal appeal letter.

It gives me the chance and an easy way to be generous, but it doesn't require an answer. 

The ones that I have contributed to are people who I have a great deal of prior knowledge of, and are pivotal--not just ongoing expenses, but more like 'this is the moment' kinds of things.

 

 

[swellmomma]

Home from work, didn't abandon the thread.  My apologies for the comment about the IVF/adoption.  It did sound rude but it was not my intent.  Anyone I know who wanted to adopt but could not afford international fees adopted for free from the foster care program they didn't ask money to adopt.  I was not saying they should never have kids or putting a specific price on it, just writing what popped into mind about those people but it came out as a rude generalization.

FTR I am not offended by gofundme, I am curious because yes there was the tragedy things but also lots that weren't.  I was raised that if someone wanted to take up a collection for you in whatever circles you were in that was fine but you don't go out soliciting them.  SO that is where I was coming from.  However, I was curious if this was not how things are viewed anymore because there are things that I can picture asking for help for such as neurofeedback because it would make a huge difference to ds15s life but I don't have the cash on hand to pay for it.  My question came from actual curiosity not offence to seeing them kwim

[Shellydon]

I was recently asked to contribute to a gofundme account to pay someone's cable bill.  I don't even have cable myself.  BEYOND tacky IMO.

[Amira]

But why does it matter? It's so easy to ignore the email, or if someone asks you about it in person, to tell them you'll check out the website. This ranks pretty low on my tacky and annoying list because it's so easy to avoid.

 

I have some friends who've used it to raise money for their daughter's study abroad in India and to send the wife to a birthday yoga retreat. I didn't choose to donate to either of those, and I'd never do the same in their place, but I can't see that it was so wrong that they chose to do it. I just deleted the emails (and they were a little frequent for the yoga retreat) and went on with my day with no guilt or annoyance.

[Rebecca in KY]

This is an interesting thread to me because hubby and I are doing something like this to help fund his attending seminary.  We didn't plan on his attending, but felt God's call...but we don't have any idea how to fund it, as we only make enough to meet our (very basic) bills.  Hubby has a large network of people who care about him and have spiritually mentored him for most of his life, and sites like these can make fundraising easier and more accessible.  From my perspective, it's acceptable for people in the ministry to ask for support.  We have some friends who run an adventure camp ministry, and they also solicit support...but again, within my circle of faith and friends, it's perfectly okay to ask others to help cover costs.

 

However, even though it's normal, it does make me uncomfortable.  Call it my independent American culture--I have a hard time admitting need or asking for help for anything--especially for graduate school.  Doesn't everyone go to school?  Doesn't everyone need to pay their own way?  Hubby and I have worked very hard throughout our marriage to be responsible, independent people who can take care of ourselves.  This is the first time we've ever asked for help from anyone, and it is a very humbling experience. 

 

So please...don't judge those who are asking for help.  Nobody can know the inner workings of someone else's heart or motivations.  Nobody can truly know if the person asking for help is doing it only because they feel like it is their only option for doing what they feel they ought to do.  But on the other side--anyone who receives these requests needs to listen to their own hearts and only make donations as they see fit.

[MomtoCandJ]

If it's for a worthy cause (like education, disasters, health issues...) now I won't find a child's braces who doesn't really need them ( I had a request for this , the mom had already gotten the retainer but then decided to blow the money on something else), a vacation (unless it's a once in a life time thing for a sick kid), or some other such thing that you should have saved your own money for.

[Cera]

As someone that never has cash or a check on me, I love the ease of giving on an online site. Those scholarships at church for trips are paid for by parishoners. This is the same hting, just cutting out the middleman, you know? And it is easier for me to give online than remember to give at church, lol. (I even do my church donations online, actually)

 

except it is not cutting out the middle man because the site being used keeps a percentage.  These sites are for profit businesses.

[BugsMama]

I've seen these for really good reasons.... and really bad ones. One person was asking people to help pay off their credit card debt. MOST people are trying to pay off debt. And it was one of those where the person was still spending money on frivolus things out the other side of their mouth.

 

It doesn't bother me for things like medical, house fires, other disasters, adoption, stuff like that. But college, disneyland, personal debt..... yeah, no.

[regentrude]

I have not personally encountered it and think it's fine and efficient for real emergencies and disasters... but even in other cases, is it really that much different from people soliciting donations for their kids' extracurricular activities by pressuring neighbors or coworkers to purchase overpriced wrapping paper, popcorn or cookies, something that seems to be perfectly acceptable to our society?

 

[Lavandula]

I have not personally encountered it and think it's fine and efficient for real emergencies and disasters... but even in other cases, is it really that much different from people soliciting donations for their kids' extracurricular activities by pressuring neighbors or coworkers to purchase overpriced wrapping paper, popcorn or cookies, something that seems to be perfectly acceptable to our society?

People seem to be fine with all that, but not this. It's baffling considering it's much easier to ignore a request to go to a link than a kid showing up at your door or someone handing you an order form.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I think sites like gofundme are wonderful. It is an excellent way to source funds. 

 

I'll admit I cringe when I see plees for frivilous "wants" vs "needs" on there.

 

What constitutes a frivilous want is highly subjective though. I find a trip to WDW to be frivilous in most cases, but requests for educational funding for school, music lessons or whatever less frivilous.

 

Requests to help cover emergancy medical bills and the like are needs and gofundme is just one more way to ask for help and to allow those who want to help an easy way to do so.

[vonfirmath]

 

It also makes a difference if I feel I know the person and it's not someone setting up a fund and me being asked to donate out of the blue. I would never feel coerced to donate and would do so believing those asking have only the best intentions. 

 

Maybe the best of intentions. But it could also be a hoax.

 

And it can be very hard to tell the different.

 

[creekland]

Maybe the best of intentions. But it could also be a hoax.

 

And it can be very hard to tell the different.

 

This would be my major concern.  At least the kids who go door to door selling things are unlikely to be doing it merely for themselves.

[JustEm]

I have a problem with it when I see someone asking for help to fund an adoption but they also continue to spend there money on none essential home renovations and vacations.  I've seen it multiple times with people on my facebook account and think its disgusting.  I understand that adoption is expensive and every bit helps and have no problem with people helping you fund them.  But if a new floor in your bathroom or a week long trip to the beach is a higher priority than your adoption maybe stop asking for money until you actually want to put your own money into it.

[catz]

Maybe the best of intentions. But it could also be a hoax.

 

And it can be very hard to tell the different.

 

This is how I feel about it.  I give money maybe to someone I know well (I have donated to people I know online, but I've known them online for years) who have had an actually emergency.  We have given in adoption of a sibling group and they were not fund raising at all.  We have helped family and close friends without a prompt.  Internet hoaxes are rampant sadly.   I do not give for travel, for college, for Disney, for toys, etc.  I got a prompt last year to fund a kid's music camp and a family vacation that was going to happen at the same time.  Given we scrimp and save to send our own kids to music camp and to do a road trip 1-2X a year, no, not giving for that and I wouldn't dream of asking of it for ourselves. 

 

That said, we give many dollars annually to vetted charities.  After a local flood, we may donate to the red cross.  We give to support kid's programming, women's shelters, etc etc.  We give to our UU church which carefully selects charities to distribute to.  I know that not 100% end up with those who need it, but I am totally fine with people being paid to fund raise and to carefully vet recipients of the funding.  It would be difficult to hoax the red cross for instance in a crises, so I would prefer to give that way.  100% of funds from GoFundMe are not ending up with families either.   As far as I can tell, the percentage off the top is similar as most reputable charities and financial info is easily available for them.  We never give donations at the door or via a cold call. 

 

I think I know a few too many people with entitlement issues and/or living beyond their means.  We have seen internet hoaxes locally.  We live a very modest lifestyle.  But we definitely open our wallets in a tragedy situation. 

[apennieformythoughts]

This thread is very interesting to me because a friend suggested that we consider a gofundme page when and if we get to the stage of moving forward with the adoption of a sibling group through the foster care system. Costs would be for fixing up the house and making sure we had proper accommodations for them (space, more beds). She is an online friend, because we haven't really started talking about it offline as we are still waiting to hear from a worker. It's interesting to hear everyone's ideas on this. I personally would donate to people who were raising money for mission trips, adoption/IVF, medical bills, fire damages, etc... I wouldn't donate to vacations, personal debt (other than medical bills as those can/are insane), bills, toys, etc... if that makes sense. 

 

Part of my worry about starting a gofundme is that idea that we shouldn't ask for help and just do it ourselves. Another part of me knows that we can give these kids a home, and we just need to work some things out. 

 

That being said, I think it all really comes down to our personal viewpoints on giving. Some of us are more inclined to give in situations like this, others of us are not. I tend to give and give, even in the most naivest situations, and I really don't care. If the person begging on the corner is lying, that's not my fault. The fact that it gives me pure joy to give in situations like that is what matters to me. 

 

Sorry, that was a ramble, haha! 

[catz]

Ironically, this story just came across my news feed today about a GoFundMe hoax.  

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/kfc-confirms-employee-kick-disfigured-girl-3-restaurant-article-1.1842831

 

 

[Annie G]

Ironically, this story just came across my news feed today about a GoFundMe hoax.  

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/kfc-confirms-employee-kick-disfigured-girl-3-restaurant-article-1.1842831

 

And yet KFC is still donating the money they offered and the doctor is still doing the surgery. Good for them- helping the girl but not allowing the parents to profit from their scam. 

 

I give a lot of kudos to KFC because there are lots of people who won't hear the follow up and just remember that a KFC employee kicked a poor injured girl out of the store.