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Do you leave your smartphone behind at the park?


summerreading
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The park is just a minefield.  I sent dh today instead. ;)  He is dying to play with everyone's tiny children.  Thank goodness our friends keep having babies so he can hold someone else's.

I schedule my visits when I know it is likely to be empty. I had a park day Friday . My friend commented that the park is always empty. Uh, no. It's usually packed. I am just crafty.

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Oh yippee... Yet one more way moms can "prove" how they are so much better than other moms. Gotta love the mommy wars.

 

I do not worship at the altar of my offspring. I do not believe their every movement, syllable and facial expression must be witnessed by me and seared into my memory. I do not find anything innately wondrous about kids on a playground. It does not fill me with awe.

 

If you are happy and confident about your parenting decisions, great. It just so happens that I am also. So let's agree to leave each other alone about it.

 

 

The bolded gave me a mental image that was so funny! LOL!

 

As to the mommy wars... pfft... my life is not up for competition. 

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Most toddlers can't hoist themselves up on the swings. I am so not going to feel guilty for helping them up!

 

Looks like the hands-on mom can't win. On the one hand, she's a whiner if she gets bothered by everyone's kids getting their social on with her, on the other She Must Not Interfere With Growth and Learning.

 

I'm pretty glad ds has almost out grown the playground.

I mentioned earlier that I do push my kids on the swings. I don't mind pushing other people's kids as well. I will ask if the other mom is nearby if it's ok with her. I like kids. I like to play. 

I have no judgement for the mom on the bench or the hands-on mom. I have played both roles. I have been judged for both. I can't even say that I judge the rude moms who criticize me for doing whatever I happen to be doing at the moment they see me. I might just roll my eyes a little at their assurance that they know better than I do what I should be doing with my child at that precise moment.

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I like other people's kids too. Just not every single time I head to the park.

 

I pretty much expect to encounter and interact with other people's kids every single time I head to the park....

 

I kind of thought that was the whole point of a park....

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I'm pretty glad ds has almost out grown the playground.

Really? But he is the same age as my DS and while some parks are blah for this age and older there a few with structures that appeal to even adults. I have to admit that I even play on some of the equipment. Unless there is a line of children, of course. 

 

Oh and my favorite ride even some 7 and 8 year olds need help getting on. I have been known to hang out near it (waiting for an opening to sneak in a ride) and helping kids of a wide age range get on. The grandparents of 5 and 6 year olds really appreciate not having to lift. :) 

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I don't have a smartphone, but I am a frequent playground-goer. 

 

I'm guilty of being judgmental about phone use. I spent a kind of lame Christmas with DH's family where we were appalled by the amount of phone use. Since phone use isn't part of my daily routine, I was really disappointed by how much of *their* daily vacation routine was spent looking at a little screen. There was a sense of "we traveled so far to see you...please look at us!" Some people are good at balance. They weren't.

Anyway, my n=1 observation aside, I thought of this study while reading through the responses:

 

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/parents-absorbed-in-smartphones-scold-kids-more-harshly-in-study/

 

It would seem that sure, phones are convenient and a good means of diversion, but there's something different about how we use phones from how we'd use, say, a book or a magazine, or even standard cell phone call. 

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I don't have a smartphone, but I am a frequent playground-goer. 

 

I'm guilty of being judgmental about phone use. I spent a kind of lame Christmas with DH's family where we were appalled by the amount of phone use. Since phone use isn't part of my daily routine, I was really disappointed by how much of *their* daily vacation routine was spent looking at a little screen. There was a sense of "we traveled so far to see you...please look at us!" Some people are good at balance. They weren't.

 

Anyway, my n=1 observation aside, I thought of this study while reading through the responses:

 

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/parents-absorbed-in-smartphones-scold-kids-more-harshly-in-study/

 

It would seem that sure, phones are convenient and a good means of diversion, but there's something different about how we use phones from how we'd use, say, a book or a magazine, or even standard cell phone call. 

 

I don't think anyone here is trying to make the argument that it's okay to be glued to your phone for hours and hours each and every day.  I think what most of us are saying is, don't take the fifteen minutes you see me using it at the park and assume I do that all day long.  For a lot of us, that fifteen minutes is the rare exception, not the rule.

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Personally, I don't see the point of having a phone if you leave it behind or off or silent all the time. Not saying it's wrong to do, if it works for you, more power to you. But I don't really get it. My phone is my watch, so I have to have it to keep track of the time. It is my camera, so it's often in my hand even when I'm interacting with my kids at the park. And honestly, I don't get to see friends IRL all that much. My social interaction is primarily through texts, fb, and message boards. And yes I need that interaction for my sanity. I'm with the kids 24/7, I need adult talk too, even if it's typed.

 

I also keep my shopping list on my phone so I'm sure I'm judged walking through the store looking at it. Oh and on that lunch date when you see me and whomever I'm with both on the phone? There's a good chance we're both checking our calendars to make plans, or looking up some activity to see if it will work for us to do soon. And while I'm looking at my phone as my daughter is showing me a caterpillar? I'm not ignoring her, I'm looking it up online so we can learn more about it NOW while she's interested.

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Personally, I don't see the point of having a phone if you leave it behind or off or silent all the time. Not saying it's wrong to do, if it works for you, more power to you. But I don't really get it. My phone is my watch, so I have to have it to keep track of the time. It is my camera, so it's often in my hand even when I'm interacting with my kids at the park. And honestly, I don't get to see friends IRL all that much. My social interaction is primarily through texts, fb, and message boards. And yes I need that interaction for my sanity. I'm with the kids 24/7, I need adult talk too, even if it's typed.

 

I also keep my shopping list on my phone so I'm sure I'm judged walking through the store looking at it. Oh and on that lunch date when you see me and whomever I'm with both on the phone? There's a good chance we're both checking our calendars to make plans, or looking up some activity to see if it will work for us to do soon. And while I'm looking at my phone as my daughter is showing me a caterpillar? I'm not ignoring her, I'm looking it up online so we can learn more about it NOW while she's interested.

This!  We (kids AND me) use my phone for everything.  Nature identification, googling random questions, taking pictures and video, texting grandma (the kids always tell me things to write to her), etc.  Looking at my phone doesn't mean I'm ignoring everyone.  It's a camera, mini library, audio player, movie factory, music maker, last resort toddler entertainer, computer, and all around reference.  It makes life so much easier in so many ways.  And if I want to use it to text a friend or look up recipes on Pinterest in my spare time, who cares?  I spend 24/7 with my kids and get such minimal adult interaction that I forget what that is quite often.  An outside link makes some days more bearable. 

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I don't think anyone here is trying to make the argument that it's okay to be glued to your phone for hours and hours each and every day.  I think what most of us are saying is, don't take the fifteen minutes you see me using it at the park and assume I do that all day long.  For a lot of us, that fifteen minutes is the rare exception, not the rule.

 

Gotcha; I'm just placing myself on the spectrum of phone use intolerance, which seems to be a subtext of this topic.

 

My real point is this article I linked to, though. It's not really a surprise, but it found that parents using phones tended to respond more harshly to children when interrupted at their task (i.e. using their phone). 

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Oh and on that lunch date when you see me and whomever I'm with both on the phone? There's a good chance we're both checking our calendars to make plans, or looking up some activity to see if it will work for us to do soon. And while I'm looking at my phone as my daughter is showing me a caterpillar? I'm not ignoring her, I'm looking it up online so we can learn more about it NOW while she's interested.

 

Right, or my lunch companion and I might have raised a topic during our conversation that got us both curious. It's very likely we are each looking up information on the topic and that in just a few seconds we'll be chatting up a storm again, sharing what we've found online. 

 

That particular thing is very common at our dinner table. The four of us will be talking about something that raises a question, and at least one of us will pull out a phone and search quickly to get the information to share. We might disagree about the year in which a song we've been talking about was released, for example. Or we might not be able to remember the name of that movie we saw or who starred in it. Being able to quickly find and share those kinds of facts (and, most importantly, find out who was right!) enriches and adds a lot of enjoyment to those conversations.

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I always have my phone with me but I don't use it constantly. Half of the time, I play with the kids and for the very last 10 minutes of the park time, do my least favorite thing ever which is pushing them on the swings. It's the only park equipment that I help them with so I guess I'm split with the leave 'em alone to figure it out and the help them do it all crowd. ;) The other half of the time, I'll sit with my phone and make appointments, check the calendar, text, and yes, use Facebook of all things. 

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Am I the only one who read the title and thought "Do I leave my phone behind at the park? Well I haven't yet but it's the sort of thing I'd do. I've left my purse in the shopping centre..."

 

Only to realise the thread is about phone usage not general lack of attention...

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Really? But he is the same age as my DS and while some parks are blah for this age and older there a few with structures that appeal to even adults. I have to admit that I even play on some of the equipment. Unless there is a line of children, of course. 

 

I used to live in a town that had a Big People Park, with adult-sized play equipment.

 

Personally, I don't see the point of having a phone if you leave it behind or off or silent all the time. Not saying it's wrong to do, if it works for you, more power to you. But I don't really get it. My phone is my watch, so I have to have it to keep track of the time. It is my camera, so it's often in my hand even when I'm interacting with my kids at the park. And honestly, I don't get to see friends IRL all that much. My social interaction is primarily through texts, fb, and message boards. And yes I need that interaction for my sanity. I'm with the kids 24/7, I need adult talk too, even if it's typed.

 

The rest of the paragraph after the first sentence is why I leave it on silent. The "phone" takes the place of many other things - the fact that it's a phone is kind of incidental.

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Consider that the iPhone may have changed the demographics at the park.  Being able to do work at the park because you have an iPhone means some working parents are able to be there instead of wherever their computers / phones are stuck to a wall.  Which means some kids are at the park instead of at home or in a daycare center.

 

I used to be the treasurer of a nonprofit that insisted on having its meetings at 6pm - an impossible time for a working single mom.  I would pick up my kids from daycare and take them to the park, give them a little picnic dinner, and then call into the conference, listen in, and present my report (which I'd emailed earlier).  I'd keep the phone on mute for most of the hour so that I could redirect my preschoolers if necessary.  I'm sure it looked terrible to the perfect moms who didn't have jobs and treasurer positions etc.  But the alternative was for my kids to sit at home during that time.  Which is better?

 

I also check my work emails and occasionally take work calls while doing my walking at the park.  Seems better than all of us sitting at home in case my work colleague comes up with an urgent question about the work I emailed earlier.

 

I think the proof is in the pudding.  My kids are not stupid or rotten IMO.  At least they know what a park is.

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Replying before reading other replies, so as not to color my response:

 

No.  

I take my phone with me at the park.  

I hate the park.  With a passion.  

I'm with the kids all day, and honestly our backyard is a heck of a lot more fun than the park is.  I don't look at my phone when I'm outside, usually, but I do have it with me because I get texts from people, including DH, often, and in case it rings.  

At home.

At the park?  Well, I'd rather not be there in the first place, so if I go, I either make sure we're meeting friends there so I have someone to talk to, make sure we don't stay long, or I call a friend or look at my phone.  

My kids aren't vying for my attention at the park.  They are playing with other kids.  Isn't that what the park is for?  Since when are parks for the parents to play with the kids instead of the kids playing with each other?  (Not meaning that to sound harsh, but for real - my kids don't really look for me at the park lol.  I sit on the bench, I pay attention if they call me or come over to me, I get up and go look if one of them wants or needs something, but more than anything, I sit back and let them play.)

I'm not really sure what I would do other than stare into space otherwise.  Climb on the equipment with them?   :001_huh:

That's just not my parenting style.  I'm more free-range, I don't really helicopter around my kids or think that my world should revolve around them.  I understand that not everyone feels differently - I understand that some parents love getting in there with the kids, building sand castles, going down slides... I do like to swing, but we don't have those at our park.  I know a lot of parents aren't around their kids all day and/or don't have a set up at home where they can play with them the way they can there.  To each their own.  

IMO, no judgment either way.

 

 

Now, off to read other responses.

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If my kids were still young enough to enjoy park visits -- no, I wouldn't leave my phone in the car.  It would probably be either hot enough or cold enough to be detrimental to the battery.  Plus, what if an emergency occurred and I needed to call 911?

 

But I'm not a slave to my phone.  It's a useful and often fun device, but one that I can easily ignore when real life is happening.  (Please note I don't mean that to sound arrogant or holier-than-anyone-else, I just don't know how else to phrase it.  Probably need more caffeine. ;))

The bolded.  :) :iagree:

Oh yippee... Yet one more way moms can "prove" how they are so much better than other moms. Gotta love the mommy wars.

 

I do not worship at the altar of my offspring. I do not believe their every movement, syllable and facial expression must be witnessed by me and seared into my memory. I do not find anything innately wondrous about kids on a playground. It does not fill me with awe.

 

If you are happy and confident about your parenting decisions, great. It just so happens that I am also. So let's agree to leave each other alone about it.

I love you.  Just thought you ought to know.  :D  :lol:

 

 

I thought of a couple other things when reading through the thread - 

In regards to phones at restaurants, I keep my phone on the table when I'm out with friends.  Or in my lap/on the chair when I'm at Bible study.  For a few reasons - to keep track of the time, especially.  Also to look up anything I need.  And because DH may text me, the later it gets, to tell me to run by the store and pick up ___ - or, more likely, to get him something to eat before I leave the restaurant.  :D  All my friends do the same.  We don't look at our phones rather than talk - but they are there, for reference.  If I get a text from someone else, I'll sometimes pass the info along to the friend I'm with, as well.

There's also a little bit of 'back in the day...' Well... I will say that I have had a cell phone since I was 16.  It was an old flip phone, and it was never on, but my grandparents gave it to me for emergencies only when I started driving.  I have had cell phones ever since.  They became my main phone when we got married, when we decided to get rid of a house phone at our apartment.  DH got his own a few years later, when Astro was a newborn - sometime that month, anyway.  He got a smart phone - a Galaxy S3 - in February of 2012, IIRC.  I didn't get a smartphone until December of 2013.  Not because I didn't want one - just because they were so pricey and we don't do contract cell phone service (it's a rip off :D ). 

All that to say this: When I was in Thailand, it was REALLY NICE to still be able to contact my family.  Was it necessary?  No.  I would have been fine without it.  But this is what modern technology has done.  I can FaceTime with DH and the kids from a hotel in Chiang Mai.  I can send texts through the Avocado app to DH as long as I have Wifi - which I did at all our hotels.  I could update Facebook briefly with a picture from the day and a quick status about the trip.  Necessary?  No.  But NICE.  My grandparents could see what I was doing and how I was doing.  My friends knew, real-time, that while they were sleeping the night before, I had helped feed 200 kids lunch and crossed the border into Myanmar.  Family could be updated when my plane landed, etc.

Necessary?  No.  But...

One of the girls on the trip was a senior in high school, age 18.  She could send a quick text to her parents when we had wifi.  She could listen to music on curvy roads and closer her eyes and go to sleep so she didn't get carsick (wait...maybe that was me ;)).  Another guy could sit and watch Game of Thrones on his iPad rather than watch the insanity that is Thailand traffic. ;)  (Didn't bother me, but everyone's different, kwim?)

Necessary?  No.  But something I'd complain about?  Absolutely Not.

This is what modern technology is.  This is what it's brought us.  'I don't need to be in constant contact'.  That's true.  No one does.  But there are things that are very, very nice about all the opportunities that have opened up due to technology.  

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Am I the only one who read the title and thought "Do I leave my phone behind at the park? Well I haven't yet but it's the sort of thing I'd do. I've left my purse in the shopping centre..."

 

Only to realise the thread is about phone usage not general lack of attention...

Well, if it's about losing stuff at the park, I like so so so part of that thread!

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I never even really thought about me checking my phone when out with friends.  Usually I have a babysitter (my oldest or someone else), and my oldest dd sends me a lot of messages, so I check it often.  I don't respond to others-just her and dh.  I guess I should just give a disclaimer to whoever I'm out with?  :lol:

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You're going to request the mods to delete a thread because some people disagreed with you?  If we misunderstood you, then tell us.  If you disagree anyway, then stand by your opinion.  

 

I don't mind being disagreed with, did I say that? Idk, I guess the thread is coming off as mean spirited to me. My mistake for starting a topic that has no benefit really.

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I don't have a cell phone.  Between that and my lack of social networking, you'd think I'm a societal cripple, but life does go on. ;-)

 

I'm glad you are happy with your choice and that it works for you.

 

For my family, life without a cell phone would be very, very challenging. My kids would not be able to take advantage of many or most of the terrific opportunities they've had if I had not been able to keep in touch while we are out and about.

 

For example, my son almost lost a role in a community theatre production because it was offered to him by e-mail while he was with me on a 1600-mile round trip drive to collect my daughter from her college. Fortunately, I was able to read and respond to the e-mail on my cell phone when we stopped for gas. He took the role, did a great job and had a wonderful experience in the show.

 

Just recently, he was scheduled to compete at a dance competition at a venue about an hour's drive from our house. His teachers like him to be in the building at least 90 minutes before his scheduled time, so we left the house a little over three hours before his scheduled time in order to leave time to stop for lunch. As it turned out, the competition ran far ahead of schedule, something we would not have known if we had been out of touch from the time we left the house until the moment we planned to arrive at the venue. If his dance teacher hadn't been able to reach me by text and let me know about the change, he might have missed his chance to compete.

 

So, in my particular situation, doing without a cell phone would mean a lot of sacrifices we're not willing to make.

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I don't mind being disagreed with, did I say that? Idk, I guess the thread is coming off as mean spirited to me. My mistake for starting a topic that has no benefit really.

 

The irony is that many women claim to be comfortable with their choices ~ even while reacting defensively.  At root is insecurity.  So a nominally mild comment such as yours becomes a breeding ground for justification, unnecessarily so.  

 

I'm glad you are happy with your choice and that it works for you.

...

 

So, in my particular situation, doing without a cell phone would mean a lot of sacrifices we're not willing to make.

 

Case in point.

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The irony is that many women claim to be comfortable with their choices ~ even while reacting defensively.  At root is insecurity.  So a nominally mild comment such as yours becomes a breeding ground for justification, unnecessarily so.  

 

 

Case in point.

 

For what it's worth, nope, not insecure at all about this issue. As I pointed out several times during the discussion, I don't even have park-aged kids any longer. So, I don't have skin in this game. I was just chatting in response to your comment. I often find that hearing from other people helps me see things from another point of view and helps me achieve a deeper understanding of my world and the people who share it.

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The irony is that many women claim to be comfortable with their choices ~ even while reacting defensively. At root is insecurity. So a nominally mild comment such as yours becomes a breeding ground for justification, unnecessarily so.

 

 

Case in point.

Huh. Why do you equate presenting alternate viewpoints as being insecure with a given choice? I'll grant that there some posts that could be read defensively even if the authors' intents weren't defensive in nature. Most posts recognized the validity of the OP's viewpoint (when they directly addressed her, as opposed to commenting on a tangent) and gave other, equally valid viewpoints, at least one of which the OP herself admitted she hadn't thought about.

 

Certainly, Jenny's post didn't come across to me as defensive. At all. She was explaining why she found her mobile essential to her life. You don't find one essential to your life (reading between the lines of one of your posts) and that's fine, too. There's no right or wrong here. Just different choices, most of which are based on people's very different situations in life.

 

OP, don't worry about starting a possibly contentious topic. Threads take on a life of their own beyond the initial post. Please don't be upset about the varying tacts your thread took. I didn't take your post to be anything other than information/opinion and wasn't anything that upset me in the least.

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I don't have skin in this game.

 

Same. 

 

I often find that hearing from other people helps me see things from another point of view and helps me achieve a deeper understanding of my world and the people who share it.

 

Of course. : )  That's why I posted.  The point of view of those who have phones was already represented in abundance. 

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Not that I need to justify to anyone what I do on my phone, but I get motion sickness watching my kids on the swings. I can either stare off in the other direction or read if I'm pushing them, or they have to wait until they are able to swing themselves.

 

A couple of weeks ago we stopped at a park while running errands. Sunny and warm... and suddenly my text alert went off telling me we were under a severe thunderstorm warning. It popped up out of nowhere. The forecast before we left the house that day was a 0% chance of rain. Glad I had my phone out!

 

I get motion sick watching the swings also.  The merry go round is the worst.  I could never push my kids on it or I would get sick.  I'm sure other moms felt so badly for my poor kids :)

 

I take the kids to the park for a break.  They can play with their friends on the equipment without me.  I am usually reading a book, talking with friends or looking at my phone.  I do look up to make sure they are behaving.

 

Kelly

 

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LOL

 

DH mentioned getting one.  And then we both kinda looked at each other and then said, but we wouldn't know what for or what we'd do with it.

We really don't use any phone.  I have a mega cheap prepaid phone that sits in a drawer.  I pull it about about once a year to add $10 on it to keep the original minutes we bought on it.

 

LOL You're so funny SU. :) I hardly remember life before my iPhone.  I talk to mine, "Take me to the nearest Trader Joe's."  "Call Mom."  "Play Jimmy Buffet."  (Ok that is embarrassing.)   Siri is so obedient.

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I was late on the smart phone bandwagon.  Ultimately I had to get one for my job.  The company paid for it and made it clear that you don't get promoted if you don't use your phone.  :P  I still don't know how to use it other than to check email and answer calls and verrry slowly check stuff on the internet (which I do if I am stuck waiting for my kids at gym or something).  If I ever need any other functions in a pinch I'll just give it to my kids and let them figure it out.  :P  They are already way ahead of me, even though I don't let them play with it.  ;)

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Funny side note - my grandma, age 75, got an iPhone before I did. Hers is a 4, I think.

 

She can use it just fine. But she's never been one to take the 'I'm too old to figure out technology' excuse. She has a Facebook account, too, and both she and my grandpa have a kindle. ;)

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Funny side note - my grandma, age 75, got an iPhone before I did. Hers is a 4, I think.

 

She can use it just fine. But she's never been one to take the 'I'm too old to figure out technology' excuse. She has a Facebook account, too, and both she and my grandpa have a kindle. ;)

My grandparents, too, refused to say they were "too old" for technology. I believe the word "poppycock" came out of my gm's mouth.
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