Who else homeschools an only child?

[Rebecca in KY]

I've read many posts about combining several children, dealing with toddlers, and other issues that come up when homeschooling multiple kids. I haven't really seen anything about homeschooling onlys. As the mother of one 6-year-old son, I'd love to hear from others who have chosen the homeschooling route for their child. What are your greatest challenges? Do you choose curriculum differently than others you know? Why did you decide to homeschool--what benefits do you see? I love homeschooling my son, but sometimes it can seem lonely, like I'm the only one who does this. Any input and responses appreciated!

[Ethel Mertz]

I homeschool our only child. He'll be in 6th grade next year. I probably spend more on curricula than I would if I had more kids. Likewise, we spend more on lessons and other extracurricular activities than we might otherwise. I also get rid of things more quickly if they don't fit or if we've already used it. No reason to have it hang around.

 

He is an introvert (like me), but he does occasionally get lonely. We have a very small local homeschooling group and no one else has only one kid!

[Spryte]

I started out this way.  :)

 

Our oldest kiddo went to college the year that DS (now 10) started K, so it was like homeschooling an only.  We chose homeschooling for health reasons (severe life threatening allergies that our school district can't handle appropriately), but it quickly became for academic and lifestyle reasons.  I choose curriculum based solely on kiddo's needs, and if it doesn't work - I ditch it fast.  With an only, you can do more teacher-intensive curriculum, and you can tailor your day around your only kid's needs.  I do think I spent a small fortune on school stuff for the first few years, and probably wouldn't have if we'd had more kids.  We play a lot of games, but I find that I have to adjust them because it's the two of us, rather than a group of students.  We don't do coops, because in our area they all require a statement of faith that we can't/won't sign.  But we get together with friends often, play sports, hit the library, pool and playground.  As DS gets older there will be more local options re: community theater, etc.  Oh, and we travel.  A lot.  First grade, while studying ancients - we hit NYC for the King Tut exhibit, Philly to see the Cleopatra exhibit, and DC for the Terracotta Warriors.  We scored.  :)  We go to the homeschool days in WDW and take advantage of the classes they offer, which are awesome.  We live near a major city with lots of museums and great opportunities, so we do a lot during the week when the crowds are down.  Some of the museums near us, and the zoo, offer homeschoolers classes during the day - so we do those, and they are great.  I'm not sure it would be feasible to do all of this with more kids.  Maybe.  But it would definitely be more expensive!

 

We now have a little one as well, though she didn't arrive till DS was older than yours (he was finishing 2nd when our little one arrived quite unexpectedly), so I remember those early years of homeschooling and that lonely feeling of being the only one HSing an only child.  It gets easier as they grow and find their interests, and you find your niche - either a group of HSing friends or settle into your own routine if you're more introverted.  

[elegantlion]

I've read many posts about combining several children, dealing with toddlers, and other issues that come up when homeschooling multiple kids. I haven't really seen anything about homeschooling onlys. As the mother of one 6-year-old son, I'd love to hear from others who have chosen the homeschooling route for their child. What are your greatest challenges? Do you choose curriculum differently than others you know? Why did you decide to homeschool--what benefits do you see? I love homeschooling my son, but sometimes it can seem lonely, like I'm the only one who does this. Any input and responses appreciated!

 

We've been homeschooling since first grade. Ds is now a high school sophomore. It has always worked well for us. 

 

Challenges? comparison to others maybe. But ds has always had a range of abilities, it's much easier to tailor curriculum to a child's level. 

 

Do I chose curriculum differently? IDK, I use some of the same things has moms of many, but I've never used a prepackaged all in one type curriculum. If it had been a choice I wanted to make, I would have. There's a higher expensive when you factor in using something for one. 

 

Why did we decide to homeschool? At first it was that we couldn't afford the private school tuition anymore. Then it really fit with our lifestyle, we liked the time flexibility. 

 

How did we compensate for lonliness? Lots of play dates, it was easier for us to run to other's houses a lot, which is what we did a lot when he was younger. 

 

Ds enjoys being homeschooled and being an only. It's just kind of who we have become and I wouldn't change it. 

[Doodlebug]

I'm homeschooling an only!

 

I struggle with getting it right on ONE kid. I tend to over schedule, push too hard,and selfishly pursue the education I wish I'd had instead of what's really best for my kid--who is extroverted, silly, a ball of precocious energy. (The exact opposite of his mama).

 

The best part is that my son and I know each other pretty well as a result of the self awareness homeschooling brought. He hears me professing my mistakes a lot, and he's learning to share ways he would work better. Just this morning he said, "Mom, can you attach a goal to that work I need to do? I work better for a goal."

 

Stella

[Rebecca in KY]

Wow, thanks for the replies! We also have the freedom to select whatever curriculum is best for us without having to think through how it might work with other kids.

 

This last semester we joined a co-op, which DS professed to dislike. He's a homebody and likes nothing better than to spend the day inside the house. He also doesn't like learning to work with others who are sometimes annoying, obnoxious, etc--which is exactly why we joined! I can't really create those interpersonal experiences at home, and think it's important for him to learn to work with others.

 

Stella--wow, what a sweet story about your son wanting goals! I love it!

[LilBearsMama]

We homeschool an only - he's six. We do it because of his challenges and the schools here just cannot meet his needs. I have lots of ebook type things we'll probably never use, but it lets me pick and choose at least to find what suits him best. He's a bit of a homebody so far, and more of an introvert like me and his daddy, so it works to just have a few get togethers every so often. 

[MEmama]

We have an only (he's 11). I don't know what having more kids would look like, but our primary reason for homeschooling is so we can tailor his education to his needs and abilities. I don't think we could be as flexible if there were more kids needing different things.

 

He has plenty of social outlets and has never indicated that he's lonely. He chooses to participate only in classes that interest him on an academic level, which tells me the social aspect is far down his list of priorities.

 

I think my biggest challenge is getting a bit of quiet alone time during the day so I can sneak in some chocolate in peace. :). But that's getting easier as he gets older.

[MistiDelaney]

Hmmm.  Well, our caboose boy isn't an only, but his next older brother was 18 when he was born, and he was already an uncle the day he was born, so...pretty close.  ;)

 

We knew before he was born that he would be homeschooled because things went so badly in the schools for his four older brothers.  There was no doubt in our minds that we couldn't do any worse by him than the schools had done by his brothers.  ;)  It's easier for us here because we have several homeschool friends who are also onlies.  That makes it seem more "normal", I guess, though we have many more friends who have two or three or more children. 

 

For us, I think the greatest challenge is to find enough social time for our very social boy.  But we have friends that he has known since her was very small, and they get together for "park day" on Tuesday, for "games day" on Thursday, and often on other days for field trips.  He also takes karate and art class, and plays chess which expands his social circle further.

 

Do we choose curriculum differently than our peers with bigger (at home) families?  I don't know.  We have the luxury of choosing material specifically for him and we don't have to worry that it also has to suit someone else.  We have steered away from "classroom oriented" materials because it's tough to recreate the classroom experience and group discussion with one. (Or at least, we haven't figured out how to make it work.)

 

In our opinion, for our family, homeschool is 100% benefits.  ;)  Socially, we like the fact that our son can be socialized by caring adults and supervised children rather than by the "kid herd". Academically, we like the fact that we can move forward as soon as he "gets" a concept, rather than wait for other students to catch up - and we can spend the time needed for him to really grasp a concept rather than have to rush on to keep up with the other students with the concept half learned.  We like that we can set the standards high enough to stretch our boy but not so high that he gets discouraged - and he doesn't have to compare himself to other children and "find his place in the pecking order".  For family life, we love how it helps us operate very much as a team.  We have the flexibility to spend as much time together as we want to, to travel when we want to, to study when we want to, and to call a "sun day" when it's just too beautiful to be indoors.  I like the fact that I know that he is eating real food at almost every meal, instead of trading his apple for twinkies in the lunchroom, but that's one of my hobby horses.  :p

 

As to your son not liking co-op because the other kids can be annoying and distracting, my son agrees with him and he's very social.  He wants to PLAY with other kids, but he wants to study on his own where he can get as deeply into it as he is in the mood for - and get it over with when he wants to do something else. :p  Maybe find a play group rather than a co-op?  He needs to learn to work with others, yes, but he doesn't need to start at 6.  ;)

[Doodlebug]

As to your son not liking co-op because the other kids can be annoying and distracting, my son agrees with him and he's very social. He wants to PLAY with other kids, but he wants to study on his own where he can get as deeply into it as he is in the mood for - and get it over with when he wants to do something else. :p Maybe find a play group rather than a co-op? He needs to learn to work with others, yes, but he doesn't need to start at 6. ;)

We had the same experience with a large co op. The larger/more chaotic the environment, the harder it was. And my son's a very social kid!

 

CC is just right for him. We switched to a smaller campus, which gave the opportunity for social interaction/ group work dynamic, but on a smaller, more predictable scale. It has been a perfect blend of challenge/ success socially.

 

Stella

[k8c]

I've read many posts about combining several children, dealing with toddlers, and other issues that come up when homeschooling multiple kids. I haven't really seen anything about homeschooling onlys. As the mother of one 6-year-old son, I'd love to hear from others who have chosen the homeschooling route for their child. What are your greatest challenges? Do you choose curriculum differently than others you know? Why did you decide to homeschool--what benefits do you see? I love homeschooling my son, but sometimes it can seem lonely, like I'm the only one who does this. Any input and responses appreciated!

 

I am homeschooling an only DD who is almost 6 (at the end of this month).  We are starting "year 2" in the fall, as we are currently doing 1st grade math and other subjects (2nd next year), and will be jumping to some 3rd grade reading comprehension/literature things for next fall.  This is one of the reasons we have chosen to homeschool - as we got to know her, we (I) became skeptical as to the appropriate academic level the local public school could provide.  She is also VERY busy and active, and while she does not have ADD/ADHD (we had her tested), she does tend to get into trouble when bored.  

 

So far the greatest challenge has been actually sitting down and doing schoolwork.  This year was very tough, as my husband traveled almost 80% of the time, and the combination of both DD and myself adjusting to that, and her adjusting to a more serious attitude we took toward school because it "counts," meant that we had a bunch of meltdowns and had to seriously change what we did and were mostly "unschoolers."  However, over the past month or so we have done a much better job following our schedule and getting work done.  It has helped that DH has also not had to travel much at all.

 

I only know a few other homeschoolers IRL and they all have 4-5 children, so we chose differently in that I just have to focus on my one DD.  Most of them tend to choose complete curriculum like SonLight or My Father's World because it is easy to combine the various ages, and while I looked at those programs and liked the idea of them, because DD is more advanced and asynchronous, it has been better to pick and chose from different options.

 

I totally agree that it seems lonely homeschooling an only child.  I really wish we knew more near us, or even had a "friend" online that I can chat with when I need to!

[SierraNevada]

We do. It is hard and only recently I've been wishing for a second kid. Mainly because I feel like I never get alone time unless DS is wasting away on the computer or tv. I like that I can spend more on books than I would otherwise. But it is lonely an in an insanely small town we just don't have anyone to hang out with often. I don't have any idea how I would handle combining two kids, but even more depressing is feeling like I'm failing him socially. Public school just isn't an option though.

[gracesteacher]

We hs an only. It started because of health reasons and now it is also because of how fast she is learning.

We have coop on mon wed and thurs so no chance to get lonely here (I long for more athome but she the extrovert needs that time)

[capecarnation]

Another father of one here :) My wife and I have been homeschooling our soon-to-be 8 year old son since he was four years old.

[capecarnation]

I am homeschooling an only DD who is almost 6 (at the end of this month). We are starting "year 2" in the fall, as we are currently doing 1st grade math and other subjects (2nd next year), and will be jumping to some 3rd grade reading comprehension/literature things for next fall. This is one of the reasons we have chosen to homeschool - as we got to know her, we (I) became skeptical as to the appropriate academic level the local public school could provide. She is also VERY busy and active, and while she does not have ADD/ADHD (we had her tested), she does tend to get into trouble when bored.

 

So far the greatest challenge has been actually sitting down and doing schoolwork. This year was very tough, as my husband traveled almost 80% of the time, and the combination of both DD and myself adjusting to that, and her adjusting to a more serious attitude we took toward school because it "counts," meant that we had a bunch of meltdowns and had to seriously change what we did and were mostly "unschoolers." However, over the past month or so we have done a much better job following our schedule and getting work done. It has helped that DH has also not had to travel much at all.

 

I only know a few other homeschoolers IRL and they all have 4-5 children, so we chose differently in that I just have to focus on my one DD. Most of them tend to choose complete curriculum like SonLight or My Father's World because it is easy to combine the various ages, and while I looked at those programs and liked the idea of them, because DD is more advanced and asynchronous, it has been better to pick and chose from different options.

 

I totally agree that it seems lonely homeschooling an only child. I really wish we knew more near us, or even had a "friend" online that I can chat with when I need to!

k8c you are always welcome to chat with my wife and I. We're probably a bit older than you, but we're kids, too ;)

[mprez]

We hs an only. To sum it up, homeschooling suits us. DD is extroverted and looked forward to making many friends when she started preschool last year. She asked to be homeschooled after several incidents of being hurt by classmates. Understandably, hubby didn't want her to get hurt and he knew I could teach her. Mine is academic. I think I was the only parent checking out the grafts of the test results posted on several bulletin boards at the main hall of DD's former school. We live abroad and it's the only option other than homeschooling available.

 

We move regularly and travel a lot due to my husband's work so we like the flexibility of hs. I did panic when I found out the curriculum options available. This forum has allayed my worries and uncertainties. I am also thankful to other homeschooling families in our area, they have been generous in sharing info. I have come to view choosing a curriculum is like buying a house. We have a budget and we look at different models, aware that we will be customizing it into our home. I used to see withdrawing DD from school as a problem we have to find a solution. We have come to realize that we have been presented with a gift, an opportunity to embark on an educational journey as a family.

[HelenNotOfTroy]

Homeschooling an only child, 6 and going to be in second grade next year. We had decided to homeschool before we became parents and lurked on the WTM board for many years. The only differences I see in choosing curriculum are that I don't have to worry about stretching myself to thin and I don't have a built-in playmate/distraction/classmate for him. Since I have been reading this board for so long, I have seen that there are plenty of people homeschooling only one (whether an only child or the only one home or the only one not in school) plus I have been fortunate enough to meet a few local homeschoolers with only children.

[capecarnation]

Finishing our Kindergarten year. Ds will be 6 soon. I knew we might have another child (I'm expecting now, actually) and that did add perks to a couple of formats I chose (downloaded PDFs, can print for future) but I don't think it really influenced the actual curriculum choice much. For example, we chose Math Mammoth and if we had bought the printed book it would be in black and white. We got the PDF which uses up color ink but I think I like this way better. I figure if he messes up a page or we need to review we can reprint select pages regardless of whether or not I reuse the whole set.

 

I find it a struggle because while many other families have a child playmate for their child I do not. He's an extrovert and I'm an introvert so in order for one of us to gain our energy, the other suffers sometimes. He doesn't have local friends. We go out of our way (literally. And I don't like driving much) to arrange social time. I am hoping we continue to build our social circle, though. I feel like homeschooling chose us. Public schools aren't performing well. Private schools are out of town, expensive, etc. We moved here due to dh's job and since I didn't have a job lined up when we got here there was nothing stopping me.

 

 

This is a struggle as well... especially lately!! My son protests so much and has no idea what it would be like in a brick and mortar school as he's never been. If he would be more receptive to the idea of let's just start and get it done we could finish school so fast!

 

Heartlikealion, please know that you are not alone. My wife and I are both not the most sociable people. She gets along great with others, but guards her heart to a fault. She does not express herself well, at all, without being pressed to do so. Some of her most beautiful moments, where she has reeally opened up, has been in the middle of a heated argument. Trust me when I say that is my idea of alone time with my wife ;) She acknowledges this about herself, and while she hasn't really changed that about herself she does work to make sure that our son knows he will always have someone to share his thoughts with.

 

I am not as withdrawn, but I am really, really difficult to get out of the house. I have social anxiety so I well literally go sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes out of fear that I will "have to go" when away from the house, lol. When we walk into a restaurant or into the mall it has to be amusing watching us try to hold the door open for one another. I liken myself to Barney, the nervous fidgety type who wants to help the world but can't get out of my own way.

 

Our son? Thank. God. While he is pretty much a carbon copy of me, in interests, temperment and personality he shocks us everytime we go out in public with how outgoing and personable he is. I guess it helps that he is very cute so the girls tend to go into a trance in his presence (okay.. he would be mortified if he read that) :)

 

We, too, feel very alone in this process and I can not tell how many times I have expresssed lament over his having very few friends (one he spends the night with and the kids he sees at church), so while we don't always make the most of our homeschooling opportunities a conversation with my wife usually goes along the lines of "let's make sure we are providing our son with this, this and that .... and doing this, this and that because he sure isn't getting much social interactivity" :( We, too, live in an area where there are very few people homeschooling and to find others like us we would have to drive an hour or more.

[mschickie]

I currently have only 1 at home(finishing 5th grade).  Sd is now 22 and living out of state so it has just been dd and I for the past 4 years.  Dd is a very social child.  We are able to do a lot more extracurricular activities than we did with sd just because we only have to deal with her schedule.  The nice thing is that we can take advantage of any field trips that come along since I only have to adjust her schedule.  We also belong to a very active co-op that dd loves.  My advice if he seems lonely try to plan more play dates with other homeschoolers or just go out to where there might be other kids (museums, zoos...) it can be a great way to meet other homeschoolers in your area too.

 

As for curriculum, we are also able to cover more material so our course load looks a little heavy sometimes.  For the past few years we have done 2 science course with dd since she loves science topics.  I could do this since it was only her.  Having an only does influence some of my curriculum choices since some programs I love the look of (Konos) I felt it just would not be as much fun with just one child. I am also able to spend a little more than some of my friends because all my curriculum budget just goes for one child, it just gives more options.

 

 

[k8c]

heartlikealion and capecarnation, we are just like that as well!  DH is very extroverted when it comes to his work (he works in the field of IT/databases), but other than that, we are both very much homebodies.  I get stressed even when I have to go see my parents or in-laws.  My perfect day is sitting on the couch with a book and some tea and no one else bothering me.  Then we have this child who can make a friend while we are standing in line at the grocery checkout.  She does tend to need some detox time after large social interactions, especially if the other kid(s) are pushy/bossy, but not nearly as much as I do.  I want to completely check out for hours!

 

I recently joined a local homeschool group (after attempting to start one and utterly failing because I have no idea what people with multiple kids like to do) and it is the hardest thing for me to actually put myself out there and chat with other homeschool moms, but I know I have to make the effort.  It doesn't help, however, that we don't really fit in with most of the homeschoolers here.  We are in N. Texas, and most of the homeschoolers we have met are doing so for religious reasons, and while we are Christian, that isn't the primary reason we are homeschooling.  So it is difficult to find much in common, between having just one child and not relating or trying to talk about curriculum and not relating.  Oh, and DD is advanced and learns differently (which IS why were are homeschooling), which around here is fairly taboo, so we have that, too. 

[PeterPan]

My dd was an only for almost 10 years.  Ditto everything Misti said.  In some ways it's much harder on the mom than the dc.  If you've got infertility or health problems, you're dealing with the emotion of that.  There's a lot of group pressure to have lots of kids and find your worth in that, rather than your worth being in your kindness and what you give.  It's sort of social ranking, and people with more kids end up "ranking" and you don't.  Hate that and get SO tired of it.

 

I say EMBRACE your life as it is.  There are good points to it, and I think once you start to recognize those (the time to pursue your hobbies, the time to scrapbook or make photo albums, the time to research to find options for his difficulties, etc.), the more content you'll be.  It's almost like we are AFRAID to embrace our lives as they are and live them.  We're living the dream, just a DIFFERENT dream, a different cruise trip.  Knowing someone else's cruise trip is different doesn't make my cruise trip any LESS.  

[Woodland Mist Academy]

The benefits for us are becoming more and more apparent the older our only gets. Recently even our daughter has started noticing and mentioning the benefits. In fact,  parents of more than one have started commenting on the benefits too. (Sometimes in a wistful way and sometimes rather bluntly. Quite a change from the younger years when pity and/or criticism seem to rule.)

 

I like what OhElizabeth said: "Embrace your life as it is."  We have decided to focus on the life we have, instead of what might have been.

 

As far as loneliness....is it because your child is an only, or could it be something else? There are possibly several factors at play. I would try to look closely at all the possibilities and change what you can. Maybe take small steps toward feeling less lonely. For us, exploring the reasons and making the necessary changes have been well worth the effort.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[73349]

As the mother of one 6-year-old son, I'd love to hear from others who have chosen the homeschooling route for their child. What are your greatest challenges? Do you choose curriculum differently than others you know? Why did you decide to homeschool--what benefits do you see? I love homeschooling my son, but sometimes it can seem lonely, like I'm the only one who does this. Any input and responses appreciated!

 

:seeya:  Hi. My son is six, too. He's finishing kindergarten. Dh and I chose homeschooling for a number of reasons, including our own lackluster PS experiences (both academically and socially) and DS's temperament.

 

We're having fun. I like

• being able to pick and customize any curriculum, rather than relying on a box-and-daily-list system--I have time!,
• having field trips without worrying about a baby/toddler's schedule,
• knowing I'm not going to get any phone calls about DS's immaturity (which is not a problem in a 1-to-1 setting, but might annoy a teacher of 25),
• setting our school day (short) and year (long) to suit us,
• being able to move him ahead in math without pressure to also move ahead in reading and writing,
• having conversations about books we've read together, watching him learn, and just spending a lot more time together than we would if he were gone 8:30 to 4 (or 7:15 to 5:15 if I went back to work).

 

Challenges so far have been minimal...

• getting to common field trip destinations when they're not overcrowded,
• finding him friends with similar schedules.

[Pronghorn]

I have a very social junior high age kid who is our only child. As she has gotten older she has picked up a ton of interests, so we are out and about a lot. No longer do we sit around worrying about meeting people. She also socializes online with a singing app and writes fan fiction with a friend who does not live very close.

 

Those of you with younger kids may find that it gets easier as they get older and have more developed interests. One thing I do think is that my child is not like kids with a lot of siblings. She is not as tough and hardy and thinks more like an adult than a kid. That does cause some social difficulties at times. However, she is very happy and not lonely. And I have come out of my shell a bit too.

[pitterpatter]

My one-and-only DD just turned seven. (She's an only by choice.)

Last year, I decorated our school room for DD and lost it a bit a couple of days before school started. I hung a moose on the wall that she wanted from a classroom decor catalog. You swap out its clothes for the holidays. Anyway, I put cutout letters above it to spell, "'Moose' Fabulous 1st Grade!" Then, I sat a little squirrel on one antler to hold up her name. I looked at it and felt so sad and lonely for her that I wanted to cry. I got over it, but those moments sneak up on me every now and again.

 

We are very involved in Girl Scouts, so that solves the social issue a bit. She has the neighbor girl and plenty of young relatives too. And, gymnastics and baseball get her out of the house. I gave up on finding an IRL homeschool group.

 

I love that I can give my all to DD's education instead of having to spread my time and energy over several children (can't even fathom how I would do that).

[Doodlebug]

One of the benefits for me, an introvert, joining a super large co op for a year was meeting 3 moms of onlies.  We are all now out of that co op, but appreciative of the introductions it forged.  We all share events with each other as they come up in town, and try to coordinate with one another on field trips.  It has been an incredible blessing to us.  I don't have to explain why my son can't fathom a need for raising his hand, why he covers his ears when loud noises pop up, has difficulty in chaotic environments, or the reason we spent so much $$$ on fill-in-the-blank program/materials.   It's so nice to have some easy relationships and FINALLY be on that path toward ENJOYING the journey we've been given.  It is rich.

 

Just an encouragement to those of you who haven't found IRL peeps to share with.  I would've never thought it possible that there were 3 mamas homeschooling onlies in our deep south city, and one less than a mile from my house!  The more gregarious only-mama in my midst made the introduction... I don't know how long it mayve taken for us to find one another!  

 

Stella

 

 

[Pen]

Me too!

[Guest]

Mainly because I feel like I never get alone time unless DS is wasting away on the computer or tv.

 

That has been my biggest challenge as well. He also doesn't sleep very much or else I do.

 

I homeschooled a sibling pair in my 30s and may just have to accept the fact that I can't use materials that require teacher prep time I don't have no matter how much I love them. On the positive side, I am able to address handwriting and decoding issues as they arise, since he doesn't need to do workbooks while I work with a sibling and can fully focus on learning to read and write before making the shift to reading and writing to learn.

 

ds is enough of an introvert that time with other kids isn't an issue yet, but he's only 6 and kind of a youngish boyish 6 at that.

 

It doesn't hurt that his current best IRL friend is #6 of 7, so they get lots of opportunities to learn that the grass isn't greener, it's just different grass. So do us moms.

[Guest]

We will be starting next year! This will be uncharted territory for -- always had a whole pile home.

 

It's different, that's for sure. :grouphug:

[Sammish]

My DS is 7.5, and an only. (We were at the park once, and I overheard some kids ask if he had any siblings. He said no, but he does have two dogs. That's about right. :)) I have to say, I love having only one kid! When we get together with other families, I'm free to sit and chat with the other moms, and don't have to be constantly attending a little one, of chasing after a toddler. Or we go to the park, and he runs off to play, and I can sit and read my book in peace. Especially now that he's older, and able to go play by himself without needing me to keep such a close eye on him. 

 

I'm lucky that we're both introverts, and that we live in an area that seems to have a fair number of homeschooling families and activities. Actually, I've had to work to make sure we don't over-schedule ourselves, and that we have at least a couple of "free" days each week. It's so easy to say yes to everything, because I know he'd enjoy this or that activity. But I've learned that if we don't have some days to just hang around the house, we both suffer. (I can only imagine what a wreck he'd be if he had to be around all those other kids 8 hours a day, five days a week!)

 

One challenge I've found is that I feel obligated to entertain him during the day, and like I have to play with him every time he wants to play a game. But I'm working on remembering that boredom is good for kids :) and that entertaining himself is an important life skill! 

 

I also often feel like the house is "too quiet." But turning on the radio takes care of that pretty easily. And Pandora is a lot cheaper than more kids. :)

 

We chose to homeschool for academic reasons: he definitely benefits from being able to move more quickly through curriculum than you could in a school. But more and more I'm seeing/realizing the social benefits, too. 

 

Basically, I love homeschooling an only because it gives us introverts quiet time at home when we need it (he's been off happily building with Legos all morning), and it's pretty easy to find others to hang out with when we want the company. 

 

 

 

[Scarlett]

I have homeschooled my only since day 1. He is 14 now and finishing up 8th grade. He is very social and likes being with his friends but our life leans that way anyway.

 

I have used K12 through the state charter so no expense. Homeschooling has been a wonderful choice for us. Even his dad is on board with it now....he was opposed at first.

[Tonia]

We've homeschooled since the beginning - just finishing up 4th grade now. We have really loved the closeness it's brought to our small family. The few negatives I've experienced - dependence on mom/dad for playtime. We just have to be more intentional about finding time for friends and social time. 

 

As far as school - the one-on-one is fabulous. I just don't choose programs that are geared towards "family" learning. As much as I'd like to give Tapestry of Grace a try I can't justify the expense for just one child.

 

But overall I wouldn't change anything. We're very close and it's just plain fun!

[Rosie_0801]

Homeschooling an only is good. If the budget allows, we can do whatever we like. :) Happily for me, she is also an introvert. A sociable introvert, but an introvert nonetheless.

[Dmmetler]

My 9 yr old is an only, and will probably remain so at this point.

 

The big advantage is being able to move at her own pace and adapt. I'm reasonably sure she gets to do more because she's an only than she would if we had multiples.

 

The big disadvantage is that I really need to make an effort to get her out of her comfort zone and with other kids. She needs that social time, she loves it, but it's just not something that happens automatically, so I have to make it happen for her.

[Rebecca in KY]

I've seen several comments about the difficulty of being your child's primary playmate. We also deal with that, along with trying to control screen time since it's such a easy fix for boredom. I've found that my son goes through periods where he is very independent and plays happily on his own for hours, but then he'll go through a phase where he wants me to play with him all the time. I try to be understanding and play with him as much as I can; however, it's really tough when he only wants to play football or a made up game with such convoluted rules that even he doesn't know how to win! We have lots of conversations about finding things we both can enjoy together, or about compromising where we each do something the other wants to do without complaint.

 

Tonia-- I've also been tempted by TOG and other programs designed for larger families. It seems that many history programs are designed around this principle, which makes total sense--it's just tough as an only to see these great programs that wouldn't serve our needs.

[Bensmom]

We have an only (he's 11). I don't know what having more kids would look like, but our primary reason for homeschooling is so we can tailor his education to his needs and abilities. I don't think we could be as flexible if there were more kids needing different things.

 

He has plenty of social outlets and has never indicated that he's lonely. He chooses to participate only in classes that interest him on an academic level, which tells me the social aspect is far down his list of priorities.

 

I think my biggest challenge is getting a bit of quiet alone time during the day so I can sneak in some chocolate in peace. :). But that's getting easier as he gets older.

 

I could have written this. It sounds so much like my ds (also 11).

 

We stay very busy, so there is no time for loneliness (and the neighborhood children are always coming over).

[deerforest]

We have an only also. I actually find it more difficult to meet her social needs as she gets older. We are finishing 4th and we have a spot in a new STEM-based charter school beginning in August. The only reason she wants to try it is because everyone will be new to the school and she wants to see the same set of kids regularly.

 

She is a busy kid and has activities or get togethers with friends nearly every day, but it's different  groups of friends. I am exploring a couple of options to try to meet her social needs.

 

I'm trying to start up a tween social group in our local homeschool community, I'm encouraging her to take some more homeschool classes just for the social aspects, and we totally lucked out by having a new neighbor move in across the street who is also an only and her age. They don't homeschool, but this is the type of friendship that she would likely see her daily and could meet her social needs just fine.

 

We're still working towards making the final decision, but we do really want to continue to homeschool, for many reasons. So, I hope we can figure out a solution that we're all happy with. DH and I both work full time too but our schedules are flexible enough that we can drop her off places or friends' parents pick her up. We just can't do things that require one of us to participate.

[Tonia]

I've seen several comments about the difficulty of being your child's primary playmate. We also deal with that, along with trying to control screen time since it's such a easy fix for boredom. 

 

Tonia-- I've also been tempted by TOG and other programs designed for larger families. It seems that many history programs are designed around this principle, which makes total sense--it's just tough as an only to see these great programs that wouldn't serve our needs.

 

 

TV/screens are definitely a temptation to overdo here as well.

 

I've made up for not giving in to MY desire for TOG by buying way too many history books this year. ;-)

 

 

It's nice to see all the "only" homeschoolers here. 

[nature girl]

Last year, I decorated our school room for DD and lost it a bit a couple of days before school started. I hung a moose on the wall that she wanted from a classroom decor catalog. You swap out its clothes for the holidays. Anyway, I put cutout letters above it to spell, "'Moose' Fabulous 1st Grade!" Then, I sat a little squirrel on one antler to hold up her name. I looked at it and felt so sad and lonely for her that I wanted to cry. I got over it, but those moments sneak up on me every now and again.

 

This hurts my heart...My DD is an only and we'd be schooling without the support of other hs'ing groups or co-ops. I've been searching for months and there's just nothing close to us. I know in my heart homeschooling is right for my family but we're so isolated here, not having that social network is the only thing that might drive me to ps next year.

 

I'm reading The Well Adjusted Child right now, in the hopes it'll help me feel more confident in the choice...It doesn't stop my heart from breaking for my daughter, though.

[Guest]

This hurts my heart...My DD is an only and we'd be schooling without the support of other hs'ing groups or co-ops. I've been searching for months and there's just nothing close to us. I know in my heart homeschooling is right for my family but we're so isolated here, not having that social network is the only thing that might drive me to ps next year.

 

I'm reading The Well Adjusted Child right now, in the hopes it'll help me feel more confident in the choice...It doesn't stop my heart from breaking for my daughter, though.

 

I would also suggest Hold on to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter-ebook/dp/B001LOEFZU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400363615&sr=8-1&keywords=hold+on+to+your+kids

 

and anything else to help you remember that the fad of compulsory attendance and mass "education" is only about 150 years old and has more to do with industrialization than much of anything else:

 

http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/chapters/

 

You've already found an excellent social network online.

 

:grouphug:

[HS Mom in NC]

With the age gap in my kids, my youngest is practically an only most of the time. She's an extrovert.  I'm a social introvert and my husband is all introvert.

 

We're philosophical homeschoolers, so we're in it because we think young children are designed to learn in a family structure and we believe education should conform to the needs of each individual child.  We've always homeschooled them.

 

Cons

Financially it's not easier for us because we're paying for college with the older two.

 

Sticking with the ps school year is the only realistic option because she has 2 close friends in the neighborhood who attend ps. We also have homeschooled friends nearby who follow the same schedule for the same reasons. Not my preference.

 

It takes being much firmer insisting she learn to spend time by herself sometimes-a skill I think everyone should learn even if they strongly prefer otherwise. We don't consider screen time an option for learning to spend time by yourself.  It means reading for pleasure, doing a craft, building with construction toys, planting and tending a garden (or a few plants), making forts with sheets, having a tea party for your stuffed animals, building a mud wall, catching bugs, etc.

 

 

Pros

 

We can plan differently.  I can do more with her when it comes to hands on activities and extras because I don't have to focus on anyone else while she works independently. I don't spend as much time planning and looking over completed assignments, so I have more time to myself. It's more intensive for her and more relaxed for me at the same time.

 

I live in a county with just under 10,000 homeschooled kids so I have more options for socialization for her than I could ever possibly want to use.

 

The relationship is slightly different than with the older two who bonded and interacted with each other just as much as with mom and dad, where as I think the youngest is closer to mom and dad because her siblings are not around her as much. They're busy with school and friends as teenagers.

 

[Guest]

 

 

The relationship is slightly different than with the older two who bonded and interacted with each other just as much as with mom and dad, where as I think the youngest is closer to mom and dad because her siblings are not around her as much. They're busy with school and friends as teenagers.

 

That is the biggest pro of all, although it is also an overwhelming responsibility at times.

[HS Mom in NC]

That is the biggest pro of all, although it is also an overwhelming responsibility at times.

 

Yes and no. It took me a while do decide which list to put it on.  Ultimately it is a pro but just barely.  Since I have two older kids I am sorry that her relationship with them might remain less close to them even into adulthood.  Since I already homeschool my kids being close to mom and dad isn't nearly the same issue as it is for some people whose kids are out of the home in institutional schools. Even when I was homeschooling the other 2 before she can along, I wasn't lacking closeness with them, it was just less because they also had sibling relationships going on.  Sibling relationships are wonderful and special things that she isn't getting in full measure now and may not get it in the future. She'll be getting less when they're both on their own. So, yes, it's a pro in that respect, but it comes as a loss of something else. It was my strong preference to adopt another child after her so she could have both parental relationships and sibling relationships but it wasn't meant to be.

 

I have a sibling (my biological brother) with whom I have a very close relationship even today.  It makes me sad to think my youngest may not have that.

[Teacher Mom]

I have homeschooled my dd (sophomore) since first grade. We are a military family and we started homeschooling with the belief we would put her in school when we got to the next Base.  Her school was giving us a lot of problems about her vision therapy appointments, which she went to three times per week. The therapy was very painful so she could not do anything after the appointments except snuggle and have me read aloud to her. Well, she flourished academically at home and I could not find a school (public or private) that would let her proceed at her own pace, even with her Explore results.

 

My challenge has been to keep up with her. It has been an exhausting journey. We are lucky that dd and I think alike so I have found curriculum that has worked for her throughout the years with very few duds. We use different things for different subjects and I don't think we could afford all the books if we had another child with different needs. Another challenge has been to be her touchstone for social interaction --despite play dates and outings, she still does not get why some girls act the way the do in terms of excluding others. I know at times she gets lonely, but a lot of her loneliness is not from lack of young people around her but because she is not interested in what they are interested in. The other girls think she acts too old and she thinks they act too young. I basically help her to understand that this stage will pass.

 

Because we only have one child, we are able to send her to academic camps every year. We did this to see if she could keep up with the other children in a school-like environment and with the hope that she would make friends. It has really worked for her and at camp she feels free to be the "smart" kid that she is. But, she can not talk girl so she (like me) has made some really great guy friends that she has kept summer after summer.

 

I believe that the true benefit of homeschooling is that it let my daughter develop into the person she is because she was always free to be herself. In our family, the strange, the goofy, and the brainy are all welcome. 

 

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Possible derail...sorry! :)

[wingedradical]

I've kind of homeschooled 3 only children (at least, for part of their lives). DS1 I homeschooled from Junior High onwards. He graduated 1988. DS2 was 15 years younger, so I homeschooled him K-12. He started when DS1 was still college and graduated 2002. DFD went to public school until 9th grade. She will be a senior this fall.

 

DS1 was a quiet kid, who liked the freedom of helping direct his own education. He did have friends at church, but there were no support groups for him at first and even later, none with kids his age. With his personality, it wasn't a problem although it would have been nice had something been in place.

 

DS2 was very social and also was the kind of kid who loved to challenge everything. I had the most problems with him but they were not really HIS problems, they were other peoples' and it was because of the kind of people we were surrounded by. For example, because he was sort of an "only child" (his brother being in college or out during his schooling), even with a lot of time spent with friends, he had more spare time than most. This time he usually spent playing an MMORPG called Meridian 59 (kind of like World of Warcraft, but simpler - it was the original MMORPG.  I (and he) were criticized about this a lot but he needed something "active" to fill his mind and this worked for him But others thought I was letting him rot his brain, etc. Well, he learned a lot from that game about getting along with others, co-operation, statistics, and story-telling. He got to know the creators and we were able to meet them on a trip we took and they even offered him a job if he decided to go into game design). It was a major influence in his later career. (he doesn't design video games, lol, but it was still an influence). But people put us down. Their kids learned cooperation by having siblings - mine learned it in an online guild! 

 

We were also more prosperous than many homeschoolers we knew. We were one income, like most of them, but we were a bit older and more established, plus my husband made a very good salary. People were quick to judge him as being spoiled because we could afford a computer, a special class, etc. But spoiling isn't about how much you get - it is about how much you appreciate it.

 

As I said, he also liked to challenge people and this didn't help. When I say "challenge," I don't mean he was disrespectful. He just liked to be - excuse the term - the devil's advocate. Or sometimes, he really did disagree because our entire family does not exactly tow the line in everything. One instance comes to mind - he caused a sensation by telling his friends that he thought Nelson Mandela was great for South Africa. In the culture we were in at that time, Nelson Mandela was considered a Communist agitator and although no one believed in Apartheid, of course, they thought Mandela was going to be horrible. His homeschooling friends (and their parents) were quite scandalized. But it so happens that our pastor intern at that time was a guy from South Africa, whom all the youth really loved and respected. They told him what my son said, and he agreed with my son, so that was sort of the end of that.

 

But I guess what I'm saying is, we seemed to experience more judgment than other moms and kids. Then again, I think this was  a result of where the homeschooling community was at the time and where we lived -- lots of people we knew were Full Quiver. I think some even assumed that I didn't have more children on purpose, which wasn't the case. Actually, son # 2 was pretty much a miracle, medically speaking. But homeschooling has changed now -- there are usually lots of groups to choose from, unless you live in a small town, and you can avoid this kind of legalism/pressure.

 

I did have to make sure DS2 got to hang out with other kids a lot but since I only had him, it wasn't that difficult for me. I am/was able to give all my "only kids" more individual attention - that was a plus.