Help! I am addicted to the internet.

[SweetandSimple]

I hate typing this out, but I think that I need some help.

 

I am pretty sure that I have an internet addiction. I don't like to throw the word "addiction" around carelessly, but I think that I may be at that point now.

 

I've tried many times to curtail how much time I spend on the internet, but I've always been unsuccessful. I can stick to a new "internet usage plan" for a few days, but then I inevitably fall back into my old habits. Every weekend I'm setting up a new schedule/ new goals, but it never lasts more than a few days.

 

Quite often, If we wake up and get a lot of schoolwork/ cleaning done, then I give the kids a (well-deserved) break at lunchtime-- they go out in the backyard to play, and I get on the computer just for "10 minutes" and then hours go by. (My kids know me very well, and they are outdoorsy types who play happily outside, knowing that they are usually getting out of finishing their school lists or chores.

 

Some days, the opposite happens. If the house is messy or I have a stressful deadline coming up, I sort of go into "shutdown mode" and again, the kids are outside playing, and I am on the computer.

 

Either way, the results are the same:, but it goes both ways. if I feel like I deserve a reward for working hard, I get on the internet. If I am sad or stressed and overwhelmed, I get on the internet.

 

I spend the majority of my internet time on these boards, researching curriculum on homeschoolreviews, reading a religious discussion group, or just reading blogs. Facebook/Pinterest/Twitter isn't a problem for me. I don't have a cell phone and don't do any texting. I just thrive on information. I swear that sometimes I can actually feel the dopamine spiking when I find something interesting to read about.

 

My kids are not neglected, and I think that for the most part, they are doing well academically. However, my house is almost always pretty messy, the laundry is never all the way put away, I don't spend enough time playing with the kids, meal preparation is suffering, and basically, I am not happy. There are a lot of things/projects that never get done because I waste too much time on the internet.

 

I've gained a lot of weight, and I don't really like anything about myself right now. Even my religious life is suffering... I'm always inclined to ask Google instead of God. The relationship that I've always had with heaven seems to be disappearing.

 

I'm feeling desperate, and in need of ideas. Has anyone ever overcome an internet addiction? I am wondering if "cold turkey" is the only way to go. That would be hard, but maybe I could do it once I get next year's curriculum planned? I've tried to install a FocusFilter program on the computers, but it is too easy to get around it. I've thought about setting up the computers with passwords so that I can't access them, but that might not work because I do pay bills and respond to emails on the computer, so I need SOME access.

 

My husband knows that I thrive on information and that I like to spend time looking at curriculum online. I don't think that he understands how bad the problem is, because he is gone at work most of the time.

 

I'm sorry this is so long. I was just hoping that someone would have a story to share, or some advice for me. I am really wondering if I need a "cold turkey" approach, because nothing else is working. Please help!   :crying:

[Rosie_0801]

Is the internet a cause or a symptom?

[SweetandSimple]

Is the internet a cause or a symptom?

 

That's an interesting question that really made me think.

It may be a bit of both, but i think that it is really a vicious cycle: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2280074/Surfing-internet-long-periods-time-cause-withdrawal-symptoms-similar-people-comedown-ecstasy.html

 

For me, I think that it is mostly a cause. I really believe that most of the stress and sadness in my life has been caused by my own time-wasting internet usage.

 

Of course, maybe I'm wrong about that. Honestly, sometimes I give up on my "internet usage goals" because I've discovered that even when I don't touch the internet for a day or two, the kids are still a handful and the house is still messy, when I've been expecting everything to get better. (Though if I could avoid the internet for longer than a few days and actually organize my house, things might really improve. I just can't see any results in a day or two.)

 

Thank you for responding!

[goldberry]

I sympathise with you. When I have too much internet, I start getting in a weird funk.  I just don't feel good.  I usually take a break for awhile, and start re-engaging in other things, then I feel better. 

 

I don't think a couple of days is enough for you to break the habit and feel better.  If it truly has become that ingrained, you will have to work hard not just to stay away from the internet time suck, but to REPLACE it with other activities. 

[TracyP]

I have to give myself an internet break every now and again. I can be good for a long time and then I get into that same cycle: I deserve internet time because I have worked hard / I am stressed so I'm going to go chill online. Either way I know when I have reached the point of spending too much time online. When that happens I have to quit cold turkey. It takes me 3-4 days to let it go, but I don't have the ability to just cut back when I get to that point. By the time a week or so passes, I find myself wondering why being online was so special in the first place. I can then go back to quick email checks or pay a bill and close the screen.

 

 

 

[skeeterbug]

Unplug your modem/router/whatever and give it to your husband to take to work with him. (I'm assuming you have some kind of contract for internet access so wouldn't want to just cancel your internet connection, but that's also an option.)

 

Options:

1. Leave modem/router/whatever at work for a month/two months/whatever specified time. Make it so you must go somewhere with free internet access to even check your email. Limit your cell phone plan so that you can't use it too much at home. (This would work for me, I hate using the internet on my phone and only have limited data available on it anyway).

 

2. Have hubby bring home modem/router/whatever every night or every couple of nights. Hook it up and use it for only an hour or two before he unhooks it after a specified amount of time. Again, find a way to limit cell phone access.

 

Do one of these for a long enough time to see any effects.

 

Don't wait until you have your curriculum planned out, or next month's meal plan, or have caught up on your blog reading. Just do it. Now. Limiting your time will make you focus and use it wisely. If you know you need to choose your writing curriculum and only have an hour of internet time then you'll focus on that. At the end of the hour you can't give yourself more time if hubby is disconnecting everything or the library is closing.

 

Make it so you can't cheat, so that you can't find a way around it.

 

You can do it, we know you can. :)

 

And I'll be the first to say there are times I could use this advice myself. :leaving:

[DawnM]

I have a hard time defining addiction when it comes to the internet.  I get bored.  I go online.  I would much rather be with friends, out with others, even working outside the home, and would gladly take those opportunities to not be online.  But when those things aren't available, I go online.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Cold turkey. You'll never regret it. how many childhoods do they get? And you deserve to really live.

[fraidycat]

I have a hard time defining addiction when it comes to the internet. I get bored. I go online. I would much rather be with friends, out with others, even working outside the home, and would gladly take those opportunities to not be online. But when those things aren't available, I go online.

I agree here. I'd much rather human interactions, and when I am home (as in back home, with family) I completely disappear from the internet. I have lots of human interaction time, and don't "need" the conversation I find online.

 

But, when living 2000 miles from family, busy husband who works long hours, busy friends who I need to schedule an hour with weeks in advance, I keep occupied online.

 

I agree with OP that I often over-do it, though. It's easy to do. I love human interest stories, biographies, following people's lives and outcomes. The WTM forum, most blogs, and many websites are ongoing human interest biography stories. I can read for hours on top of my "research" that I may or may not use in my life.

 

I do unplug the modem for a day or two at a time when I need a reset.

[eternalsummer]

Cold turkey.

 

If you were addicted to alcohol, or cigarettes, or painkillers, what would you do?

[blondeviolin]

I had issues like this once. Then I got an iPhone. All of a sudden, I have no reason to be at te computer. I check Facebook and these boards when I'm nursing a baby or waiting in line or my kids are watching ONE show. Because I have access all of the time, nothing is new. Then I end up having nothing to do online. It's actually awesome. There are so many little moments in the day that I use my phone (feeding the baby in the middle of the night!). This optimizes my opportunity and time I can spend with my kids.

 

Just a different perspective.

[SweetandSimple]

I have a problem, too! :o  My whole family has some type of media problem. When our Dish contract ends we are cutting it, but I know that we are still going to watch too much due to our other subscriptions.

 

I get overwhelmed easily and I have always been that way. I get really discouraged when I wash a bunch of dishes but then next time I see the sink there are new dirty dishes. We don't have a dishwasher, it's usually me. I feel like I have no where to put my clean clothes. It usually sits in baskets (even folded) for quite some time. We don't have enough storage space. It drives me nuts. Now I have a baby on the way. We are seriously discussing if we should buy a dishwasher.

 

Today we were gone a lot of the day which was good because it kept me away from the computer. I actually just recently got a smart phone and left it at home by mistake when we left today. I didn't miss it, but just worried dh would call me.

 

I went through a phase where I was reading non stop about curriculum, but that seems to have passed, at least for now. I think once you have decided you have what you need to cover your subjects, it's okay to STOP looking. Assuming you try it out and are content with it.

 

You know, I have always been a procrastinator. I don't think internet usage is the source of my problem. I think it's just a way I can procrastinate.

 

 

I sympathise with you. When I have too much internet, I start getting in a weird funk.  I just don't feel good.  I usually take a break for awhile, and start re-engaging in other things, then I feel better. 

 

I don't think a couple of days is enough for you to break the habit and feel better.  If it truly has become that ingrained, you will have to work hard not just to stay away from the internet time suck, but to REPLACE it with other activities. 

 

Thank you! It is nice to know that I am not alone. You both know just how I feel-- "A weird funk" is exactly the right way to describe what happens to me. And I definitely understand feeling overwhelmed by the dirty dishes that keep coming, and coming, and coming...

[SweetandSimple]

Unplug your modem/router/whatever and give it to your husband to take to work with him. (I'm assuming you have some kind of contract for internet access so wouldn't want to just cancel your internet connection, but that's also an option.)

 

Options:

1. Leave modem/router/whatever at work for a month/two months/whatever specified time. Make it so you must go somewhere with free internet access to even check your email. Limit your cell phone plan so that you can't use it too much at home. (This would work for me, I hate using the internet on my phone and only have limited data available on it anyway).

 

2. Have hubby bring home modem/router/whatever every night or every couple of nights. Hook it up and use it for only an hour or two before he unhooks it after a specified amount of time. Again, find a way to limit cell phone access.

 

Do one of these for a long enough time to see any effects.

 

Don't wait until you have your curriculum planned out, or next month's meal plan, or have caught up on your blog reading. Just do it. Now. Limiting your time will make you focus and use it wisely. If you know you need to choose your writing curriculum and only have an hour of internet time then you'll focus on that. At the end of the hour you can't give yourself more time if hubby is disconnecting everything or the library is closing.

 

Make it so you can't cheat, so that you can't find a way around it.

 

You can do it, we know you can. :)

 

And I'll be the first to say there are times I could use this advice myself. :leaving:

 

Thanks for your advice, skeeterbug! I've been thinking about it all night and trying to figure out how to make it work. After all, I don't think that trying to rely on my willpower alone is going to work at first!

 

However, we can't completely unplug our modem during the day because it is also powering some remote servers for a family business. I was wondering, though, if I could follow your advice by having my husband lock the computers with passwords except for a certain time period each day after he is home from work. (Then I could still pay the bills and figure out next year's spelling plan for specified time each evening.)

 

If my son had the password, he could still do his online reading program, and if there was something that I really needed during the day (like directions to a certain park, etc.,) he could look it up for me.

 

I am not sure how honest to be with my son. Would it be putting too much pressure on an 11-year-old to tell him not to let me have the internet password? Would that be unhealthy in our relationship?  If so, there may be another option. I don't have a cell phone, but I do have an ipad mini that I hate using for internet. Maybe if I told myself that I could use that to look up directions, pay bills, etc., but not the actual computers. I don't know. If I was feeling enough "withdrawal" symptoms, I might start using it too much.

 

[SweetandSimple]

I have a hard time defining addiction when it comes to the internet.  I get bored.  I go online.  I would much rather be with friends, out with others, even working outside the home, and would gladly take those opportunities to not be online.  But when those things aren't available, I go online.

 

 

I agree here. I'd much rather human interactions, and when I am home (as in back home, with family) I completely disappear from the internet. I have lots of human interaction time, and don't "need" the conversation I find online.

 

But, when living 2000 miles from family, busy husband who works long hours, busy friends who I need to schedule an hour with weeks in advance, I keep occupied online.

 

I agree with OP that I often over-do it, though. It's easy to do. I love human interest stories, biographies, following people's lives and outcomes. The WTM forum, most blogs, and many websites are ongoing human interest biography stories. I can read for hours on top of my "research" that I may or may not use in my life.

 

I do unplug the modem for a day or two at a time when I need a reset.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

I know what you mean, especially because I don't watch any TV. When I've tried to explain it to some of my friends, they tell me that I "need some time for myself." That is probably true, but it feels like an addiction to me because I just can't stop getting online, even when I really want to use that time for something else. :huh:

[SweetandSimple]

Cold turkey. You'll never regret it. how many childhoods do they get? And you deserve to really live.

 

 

Cold turkey.

 

If you were addicted to alcohol, or cigarettes, or painkillers, what would you do?

 

Thank you for responding. I suspect that going "cold turkey" might be the most effective way to overcome this problem. And of course, you are right-- I really don't want to miss any more of my children's childhoods by spending too much time on the computer. :sad:

[SweetandSimple]

I found success in setting a timer for 15 min. of computer time and then 15 min. of housework. Back and forth. While on the computer for those 15 minutes, I would just enjoy the time. When the timer would go off, I'd force myself to get up and do something productive, knowing that I could get back on the computer in 15 min. I got a lot done that way, and it was the only way I could brake the imbalance. Fancy and grand schedules just failed miserably.

 

I like this idea a lot. Do you do this after your kids are done with schoolwork for the day?

 

I could see this working very well for me during a time when my kids are already done for the day. Or maybe during the times when my husband is out of town and I have some free time after the kids are in bed.

 

Unfortunately, I am even prone to get distracted online when they are still in the middle of the school day. I might have to try something more drastic until I'm past that point...

 

Thank you for sharing!

[SweetandSimple]

I had issues like this once. Then I got an iPhone. All of a sudden, I have no reason to be at te computer. I check Facebook and these boards when I'm nursing a baby or waiting in line or my kids are watching ONE show. Because I have access all of the time, nothing is new. Then I end up having nothing to do online. It's actually awesome. There are so many little moments in the day that I use my phone (feeding the baby in the middle of the night!). This optimizes my opportunity and time I can spend with my kids.

 

Just a different perspective.

 

VERY interesting! I don't have a phone, but as I mused above, perhaps I could use my ipad mini in a similar fashion. (For example, just using it while standing up to check email quickly, but not sitting down and settling into a long browsing session.)

 

Thanks for your response!

[AMJ]

I have to give myself an internet break every now and again. I can be good for a long time and then I get into that same cycle: I deserve internet time because I have worked hard / I am stressed so I'm going to go chill online. Either way I know when I have reached the point of spending too much time online. When that happens I have to quit cold turkey. It takes me 3-4 days to let it go, but I don't have the ability to just cut back when I get to that point. By the time a week or so passes, I find myself wondering why being online was so special in the first place. I can then go back to quick email checks or pay a bill and close the screen.

Yup, this is very much me, too. And these forums are one of the BIG draws for me when I do get on. That's why sometimes I can't be found for weeks at a time, and sometimes I'm all over the place here (like now).

 

I need to get off and go finish cleaning my kitchen now. Thanks, OP and everyone, for my needed kick in the rear.

[AMJ]

I had issues like this once. Then I got an iPhone. All of a sudden, I have no reason to be at te computer. I check Facebook and these boards when I'm nursing a baby or waiting in line or my kids are watching ONE show. Because I have access all of the time, nothing is new. Then I end up having nothing to do online. It's actually awesome. There are so many little moments in the day that I use my phone (feeding the baby in the middle of the night!). This optimizes my opportunity and time I can spend with my kids.

 

Just a different perspective.

Actually, I'm online MORE with my phone than I ever was before smart phones. Too easy, too accessible. I'm on it now....

 

And I'm getting off! Really!

[SweetandSimple]

I have to give myself an internet break every now and again. I can be good for a long time and then I get into that same cycle: I deserve internet time because I have worked hard / I am stressed so I'm going to go chill online. Either way I know when I have reached the point of spending too much time online. When that happens I have to quit cold turkey. It takes me 3-4 days to let it go, but I don't have the ability to just cut back when I get to that point. By the time a week or so passes, I find myself wondering why being online was so special in the first place. I can then go back to quick email checks or pay a bill and close the screen.

 

This is very encouraging! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so glad to know that when you go cold turkey, it only takes you a week or so to start feeling better and more in control of yourself (for checking email, etc.) I really hope that this might be the case for me!

 

You seem like a very strong person, to know when you need to give yourself an internet break.

[SweetandSimple]

Yup, this is very much me, too. And these forums are one of the BIG draws for me when I do get on. That's why sometimes I can't be found for weeks at a time, and sometimes I'm all over the place here (like now).

 

I need to get off and go finish cleaning my kitchen now. Thanks, OP and everyone, for my needed kick in the rear.

 

 

Actually, I'm online MORE with my phone than I ever was before smart phones. Too easy, too accessible. I'm on it now....

 

And I'm getting off! Really!

 

Thanks for commiserating. And good luck with that kitchen!

[TracyP]

This is very encouraging! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so glad to know that when you go cold turkey, it only takes you a week or so to start feeling better and more in control of yourself (for checking email, etc.) I really hope that this might be the case for me!

 

You seem like a very strong person, to know when you need to give yourself an internet break.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I try to be strong, but I don't always achieve that goal. Why don't you check out  post #7 in this thread. I have found it very motivating when I need to re-prioritize my online time. And thank you for the thread. I am due for another break, and this is the kick in the pants I need. :)

[goldberry]

I guess I don't get how you can do this when so much of my son's college work is internet related.  Plus, I do need at least an hour to take care of emails for mission work, children's choir, my co-op assignments during the school year.   We are rural, so driving 30 minutes to go to the library might not be feasible.  Plus my husband will sometimes ask me to e-mail him something  that he needs right then.  Plus, I don't want him to know I have a problem.

 

I fall into this also, because I have to work on the internet, and have a leadership group that communicates via email.  In our house though, we have a desktop at a less than comfortable desk, plus there is a laptop that I tend to sit in my snuggly chair to use with coffee at my side.  Sometimes I will ban myself from the laptop.  I find that I don't linger very long at the desk except to do necessary things.

 

I really like that idea about a timer to "pay" for computer time with housecleaning time!  I use that on my DD during the summer, she can earn computer time with outside time.  I never thought to use it on myself though.

[Seeking Squirrels]

I'm afraid I am, too. I've always had a hard time controlling my online time but then DH got me a smart phone for my birthday (against my wishes, I might add, I knew it was a bad idea) two years ago. I am on my phone all day. I wake up and get on and my kids drag me out of bed. I put it away long enough to get them breakfast then get back on it while I eat. I am always finding ways to get them to go play so I won't be interrupted. I do good during school time for the most part but get back on it quickly after.

 

Most of the time I don't even know where my time has been spent. Here a lot reading, but not often responding. Another site that is full of nonsense and trolls and is really a waste of time and mind drain. I spend so much time reading pointless stories about some stranger's life and rarely join in any discussion. Facebook. I have a few games but I don't often play those. When I do it's easy to waste a lot of time on them.

 

My house is what suffers the most. I do take care of my kids, but in all those times I should be taking care of the house, I'm playing on my phone. And my sleep. I can be super exhausted and going to bed way too late and I'll still spend another 45 minutes on my phone while laying in bed.

 

I was finding tricks to control it when I only had a laptop. Now, not so much.

[LLMom]

Cold turkey. You'll never regret it. how many childhoods do they get? And you deserve to really live.

 

But what about needing to use the computer for email and bills?  That is how most people manage things these days.  I could do my bills all paper, but I love quicken for balancing my check book.  My dd is dyslexic and needs to be on for text to speech, etc..  Email is the only way I keep up with my children's school and my homeschool group. 

[AMJ]

Thanks for commiserating. And good luck with that kitchen!

Thank you! I'm now sitting with a bottle of water, waiting for half of the kitchen floor to dry so I can mop the other half. I'm only allowing myself 10 minutes, then I have to check the floor. I'm hot and need some water -- that's my excuse f or not using the time to run the kitchen towels upstairs to start them in the laundry right now....

[SwallowTail]

I have the same problem.  It is also not realistic for most people to be able to go cold turkey in this current society.  Internet is required for me for my job.  It is the only way I find out about homeschool activities.  It is how I preview and purchase curricula and clothing.

 

 

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

Count me in with the internet addicts. :-( I've done practically nothing all day except feed the kids breakfast and read stuff on-line. (I'd already planned to take this week off from school or I would've made sure that got done -or at least the basics of it.) I've spent all morning on-line avoiding the mess in my house left over from coming home from vacation and trying not to think about my husband's potential work problems (not even real problems yet just possible ones that are stressing me out). I don't want my husband to know either. It's so easy to hide from my husband and kids with my smart phone and Kindle. I sent my kids downstairs to clean their rooms and I'm supposedly cleaning mine. None of us are accomplishing anything. The kids are just playing and I'm wasting time on the internet. Turning the Kindle off now and getting to work!

[Alexigail]

I could have written this post a couple of years ago.  Although it has definitely gotten better, I still have weeks or months where reading online becomes a problem for me.  

The way I resolved it was to have my husband password protect our computer so that I could only use it when he signed me in. In general, it's not ok to have someone else be responsible for our addictions, so I'm aware this isn't a perfect solution.  Another thing that helps me is to set goals for the day and not allow myself to use the computer until they're done.  I expect basic chores and schoolwork to be done before my kids watch any Netflix, so I try to set the same standard for myself.  It doesn't work for me to do "15 min on, 15 min off" because the temptation to turn the "15 min on" into "an hour on" is too strong for me.  I have to get everything done first.  

I also know that when I start to feel the urge to spend hours online that something is bothering me and I need to examine my physical/spiritual/mental health to see what is causing it.  What am I escaping from?

 

Anyway, hugs to you.  I know how hard it is to break free of something like this.  Food and internet addiction are similar I think.  You can't stop eating cold turkey, and there are things that probably need to be done online.  So the solution is very complicated.  Good Luck

[Carol in Cal.]

Could you start with a timer?

 

Also, I am not sure how good an idea it is to make your husband your gatekeeper. 

[Joanne]

From a *personal* perspective, not a professional one.

 

My times of too much internet are always tied to depression. I therefore treat the depression (up to and including meds at times) and the internet issue minimizes.

[azucena]

You might consider site-blocking software (for example, I use the SiteBlock extension for Chrome) which can either block sites totally or allow a certain visiting time.  I find this a useful way to keep myself focused online.

[Seeking Squirrels]

We tried the DH as gatekeeper once. Not strictly, but he set time limits on the computer for me and password protected it. Like a child's account. It didn't keep me off my computer during the day, but it cut me off at 11 at night so I couldn't stay up til 1 am. I found ways around it. Starting at 10:30 I'd open pages I wanted to read and leave it open then go find another. So by the time I lost connection, I had a dozen tabs or more open. I couldn't respond or "do", but I could certainly spend an hour or more reading every reply to a thread I really cared nothing about. And when I really wanted on, I'd go get his computer.

 

Mine is a downward spiral with my house. The worse my house gets, the more I don't want to see it and I prefer to look down at a screen. I get very overwhelmed when it's a mess and I don't know how to dig out from it. I always have a problem with too much time online/on my phone, but it's much worse when my house is bad.

[Jennifer132]

One thing I did a few years ago was to delete all my bookmarked blogs (or similarly delete them from your rss feed). You be surprised how many of them you will never miss, but if you are constantly getting notifications for the new posts, you will be compelled to visit the sites more often. Same for sites and forums like this. Turn off your notifications, so you don't know when people have posted new stuff. For homeschool reviews, bottom line is you don't really need to be on there unless you are looking at buying a product that you really do need at this time. So I would just remind myself of that whenever I think about going on. You probably don't need to read reviews for products just because you are mildly curious about them.

 

I like the idea of setting household goals to accomplish first and then getting online after. And I think having accountability really helps. Just have your dh or friend check in on you and ask if your been spending too much time online or not. I think the 15 minute rule could work if you used a timer.

 

I also often think about what I want for my kids. If they see you online all the time, they may grow up to do the same. Think about how you want them to spend their time and model it for them. You may think they don't know you are online, but kids are more perceptive than we think.

[alisoncooks]

Just following along. I find that (if I'm honest with myself) I am spending way too much time online.

[PrairieSong]

 

I never wanted my smart phone and I didn't ask dh to install the Facebook app. Now I get text messages on my phone screen about FB posts. I think it's a bad idea, for the most part. But I do like the security of the smart phone if my GPS isn't as up-to-date as the phone's GPS.

I couldn't stand getting all those FB updates on my phone. I changed my settings and now I don't get any updates like that. I can see on the little app icon how many updates there are...but no phone dinging at me every time someone posts to FB.

[EmilyGF]

What about the Self Control app? Turn it on in the morning for 12 hours or whatever...

[Mnemosyne]

Have you tried Cold Turkey?

 

http://getcoldturkey.com/

 

You can't get around it, can't uninstall it, can't turn it off. You can customize what websites/programs to lock down, as well as when you want them locked down.

 

It did wonders for me.

[Garga]

The 15 minutes on/15 minutes off idea is a good one.

 

You could try going cold turkey, but that probably won't work entirely. You'd still probably need to at least check email or look something or other up for school.

 

Here are a few things I've done, when I'm feeling bogged down on the internet. (Oh, and to me it's an addiction when you want to be doing something else, and just feel like you can't. You feel tied and compelled to be doing the thing you don't want to do. I'm actually getting very close to that point with the internet as well. I've been online intensively for the past month researching homeschool stuff and it's taking over everything.)

 

I set aside one day a week for NO online stuff AT ALL. None. But only one day. A Monday--to start off the week well.

 

Then, Tues-Fri I go online, but only at the end of the day when everything else is done, and then only for a set amount of time. If I've been good about it, I will go online at the beginning and/or at lunchtime, but I make it fast. I only do that if I am confident I won't get sucked in.

 

Weekends are a free for all.

 

Now, if you are unable to start self-moderating, then it might be time to ask others for help. I would not make your son responsible for the password. It puts him in a bad position. But you could ask your DH to change it while you're at home and he's not.

 

If that causes trouble, then you may have to go cold turkey. You could allow yourself to go online once a week to clean out emails and that's it, and maybe not even that, if you're really dealing with a true clinical addiction.

[IfIOnly]

Thanks for your advice, skeeterbug! I've been thinking about it all night and trying to figure out how to make it work. After all, I don't think that trying to rely on my willpower alone is going to work at first!

 

However, we can't completely unplug our modem during the day because it is also powering some remote servers for a family business. I was wondering, though, if I could follow your advice by having my husband lock the computers with passwords except for a certain time period each day after he is home from work. (Then I could still pay the bills and figure out next year's spelling plan for specified time each evening.)

 

If my son had the password, he could still do his online reading program, and if there was something that I really needed during the day (like directions to a certain park, etc.,) he could look it up for me.

 

I am not sure how honest to be with my son. Would it be putting too much pressure on an 11-year-old to tell him not to let me have the internet password? Would that be unhealthy in our relationship?  If so, there may be another option. I don't have a cell phone, but I do have an ipad mini that I hate using for internet. Maybe if I told myself that I could use that to look up directions, pay bills, etc., but not the actual computers. I don't know. If I was feeling enough "withdrawal" symptoms, I might start using it too much.

 

 

This is exactly what I did.  I researched and found Groundhog.  It's free and works great.  I wanted about an hour of computer time a day, and my kids each have 15 minutes to use for Spelling City and Xtra Math.  DH has the password.  Setting internet limits has been of my best decisions ever.  There has been soooo much good that came from unplugging.   :hurray:

[LivingHope]

Do a three day internet fast: I suggest that you plan three full days of outside activities like visiting a zoo, park, or hiking trail. Fill a backpack with snacks and a camera and bring the kids along for an adventure. They'll love it and you may be surprised by a renewed sense of purpose.

Also, you may want to replace your internet habit with more reading: utilize the library by requesting a trunkload of books. Read things like a homeschooling book or one of the classics recommended in your homeschooling booklist.

And don't post on social media, forums, or send emails. You'll be tempted to check.

Here's a blog post I was blessed to read that is titled "I was a better mom before the internet" http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2008/07/i-was-a-better.html and the blogger's follow up post with practical tips http://ebeth.typepad.com/reallearning/2008/08/time-online-rev.html

[DawnM]

What else do you want to use the time for?

 

 

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

I know what you mean, especially because I don't watch any TV. When I've tried to explain it to some of my friends, they tell me that I "need some time for myself." That is probably true, but it feels like an addiction to me because I just can't stop getting online, even when I really want to use that time for something else. :huh:

 

[DawnM]

This may be partially true for me.

 

I really, really do NOT like being a SAHM.  I would much rather work and bring home a pay check.  My husband and my children beg me to stay home.  So I do.  

 

I do LOTS of volunteering, so finding another one is not the answer.  I have hobbies but really hate crafty type things.  I call friends and talk, I meet with friends for coffee.  I do all the "why don't you do X" things.  I am still bored out of my mind and feel like I am dying on the vine.  There is only so much cleaning, cooking, and game playing with kids one can do.  

 

So, I have no idea how to make it go away.  I try the "mind over matter and people are as happy as they make up their mind to be" stuff but the truth is, I really do not like being a SAHM.

 

Dawn

 

From a *personal* perspective, not a professional one.

 

My times of too much internet are always tied to depression. I therefore treat the depression (up to and including meds at times) and the internet issue minimizes.

 

[srs]

A few years ago I made a "no screens in the morning, for anyone" rule. It has helped me immensely.

[Soror]

I go through spells of too much usage as well, last week was wretched, it is hard to figure out which comes first the depression or the over usage. Sometimes I just need a reset and I will just give myself a break, I put myself on break after such a horrible week. It is great time of year to break with the weather being so lovely I've been working on outside projects. Anyway, I've also had my husband put a password on at times, he hates to do it but it can help break the cycle and get me into better habits. Perhaps setting it up where you can only get on limited times and focus on health in other ways could be helpful.

[SweetandSimple]

I also know that when I start to feel the urge to spend hours online that something is bothering me and I need to examine my physical/spiritual/mental health to see what is causing it.  What am I escaping from?

 

Anyway, hugs to you.  I know how hard it is to break free of something like this.  Food and internet addiction are similar I think.  You can't stop eating cold turkey, and there are things that probably need to be done online.  So the solution is very complicated.  Good Luck

 

 

From a *personal* perspective, not a professional one.

 

My times of too much internet are always tied to depression. I therefore treat the depression (up to and including meds at times) and the internet issue minimizes.

 

Thanks for your responses. I've been thinking about this, and trying to think of some lifestyle changes that I could make that might help.

 

I think that getting my house organized so that I can find things when I need them would greatly improve my mood.

 

Also, I haven't been exercising at all, and that needs to change.

 

Taking time for some of my spiritual pursuits (instead of using the kids as an excuse as to why I'm too busy) would probably also work wonders.

[SweetandSimple]

 

Mine is a downward spiral with my house. The worse my house gets, the more I don't want to see it and I prefer to look down at a screen. I get very overwhelmed when it's a mess and I don't know how to dig out from it. I always have a problem with too much time online/on my phone, but it's much worse when my house is bad.

 

Yes, definitely! Whenever I am overwhelmed, I really want to run and "hide" at my computer to get away from the mess or stressful situation. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[SweetandSimple]

What else do you want to use the time for?

 

There are so many things... mostly home cleaning or organization projects, paperwork that I've been avoiding, exercising, figuring out how to cook healthily, and doing more fun thing with my kids.

 

I really want to do those things, but the internet is just more alluring. It's baffling to me.

[SweetandSimple]

I don't have any experience with addiction, but a book I found helpful in understanding habit formation, and the tools for changing habits is The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business.

 

I do think that when something starts interfering with living real life, that it could be a problem, and your recognition of that is an important first step.

 

I have found in my own life that sometimes I put too much energy into the planning and too little into the living... which is backwards.

 

This might sound heretical, especially here, but researching curriculum, planning school things, and all the rest aren't really that important a part of educating our kids.  ...the heart of that is the doing.  ...but planning and talking are *easier* than doing, more controllable, and they give more immediate satisfaction.

 

If I were in your situation, I would want to break the pattern - to reset the situation... and I would do that (your answers will be your own & might look nothing like mine), by getting out of my usual routine.  ...by heading out of the house away from the computer... to do schoolwork at a park or library and then to spend the extra time dong fun things with the kids...

 

..and I'd set aside a time, perhaps Sunday evenings when my husband was home with the kids, to do bill paying, respond to emails... the world won't end if I am only online once a week... the really crucial, essential things are here in my real life... but the virtual world has such an immediacy that it can start seeming central and important.

 

I would also look at replacing computer time with something more deeply satisfying.  For me that would be religious study - to try to build the habit that when I finish a task and sit down to rest that I'll pick up a sefer (religious book) and study a little. 

 

...and when I feel overwhelmed by life, I try to look at what is bothering me the most, most overwhelming me and pick one small thing that will help it... and one small thing that will give me real joy.. not momentary pleasure, but real satisfaction and heart-deep joy.

 

:grouphug:   I wish you well as you navigate this section of your life and I hope you find a way through to a more satisfying, joyful life.

 

 

Thank you so much. This is a perfectly beautiful post, and I know that you are right. I'm going to print this out to look at (so I can see it when I'm not online!)

 

 

[DawnM]

Oh, well.......let's see.....once you actually organize your files and boxes and such, it isn't that hard to keep up with it.

 

I hate to cook.  HATE it!  So, I take my iPad in the kitchen with me and get on the internet while I cook.  I can multi-task like that.  Same with the treadmill......I can take my iPad and put it on the book holder and surf the net.

 

Really, isn't about giving anything up, it is about learning to multi-task.

 

You are welcome.  B)  B)

 

Dawn

 

 

There are so many things... mostly home cleaning or organization projects, paperwork that I've been avoiding, exercising, figuring out how to cook healthily, and doing more fun thing with my kids.

 

I really want to do those things, but the internet is just more alluring. It's baffling to me.