s/o If you are "good" with your parents, how often do you see/talk to them and does it feel right?

[SKL]

I love my family, I've never had any cold periods with either of my parents since I was in college.  I enjoy talking to them and spending time with them, but I don't do it much.  I go for the major holidays / birthdays but that's about it.  (They live about a 75 minute drive away.)  I also don't call them unless there is a specific reason, and this happens only a few times a year if that.  But when we do talk, we go on and on.  Sometimes I get the feeling they wish I would cut it short.  I also have a demanding job, and my kids have their activities, so we can't just loll around at the grandparents' house any old time.  ;)

 

They have 6 kids, all within easy driving distance, and all have varying degrees of contact with them.  I might be the one with the least contact.  One of my sisters is at their house just about every day.  One calls my mom pretty much every day (and talks her ear off).  The other three - brothers - come over or call as the mood strikes.  Between all of us, I figure my parents get enough time with their kids, maybe too much.  ;)  If I ever feel like calling, I often hesitate because my mom has surely already had her ear talked off today and is probably trying to watch a show. ;)  Or for all I know, she's feeling sick and trying to sleep.  That has happened before.  So I just don't call.

 

I just got my dad on facebook on Easter, and we're friends.  But we're both boring on facebook.  ;)  I'm even more boring now that my dad is on there.  ;)

 

I don't feel guilty or insecure or anything about all this.  Is this very strange, or are there others like me?  Can you be "close" to your parents without seeing / talking to them all the time?

[Above The Rowan]

My parents and I are extremely close. They are divorced and each remarried and both of them are actually about 60-75 mins away from me. Up here we are all so rural and far apart from each other that its like the distance isn't a big deal.

 

I see my mom sometimes multiple times a week. My dad, less often but we are very very close and both my parents are very close with my kids.

 

I lived with my mom and stepdad a few yrs ago (along with my kids) so that may be part of why we don't mind the distance to visit.

 

I think though, if you guys are happy and have good healthy relationships, it is perfectly fine to not see each other very often.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, I think you can be "close" to anyone and not have constant contact.  I think it depends on the people involved. I have family members (and friends for that matter) that I consider myself very close to but we rarely see or talk to each other.  When we do it is as if no time has passed.  We just pick up where we left off.  However, there are others that I have considered very close to me at times but if we aren't seeing each other or making the effort to talk to each other on a regular basis we drift apart.  We don't even seem to think about each other or know what to say the next time we do see each other or talk on the phone.  Not certain why there is a difference, but there is.

 

If you feel comfortable with how things are but are worried that your parents might need more (or less :) ) contact, why not ask them?  Would you be able to do that?  

 

Edited to add that Mom and I talk every day, and see each other 2-3 times a week, but that is just us...we have always been that way.  I don't think it is required to have constant contact with your parents to be close to them.  DH and I live 10 minutes from his parents.  We see them every couple of months.  We text on the phone every week or so, but just short messages.  Still consider them close to us, though.  It is just different from how Mom and I handle things.  Not better or worse, just different.

[SKL]

My mom used to say that about her best friend.  They could go a year without seeing or speaking to each other, then pick up exactly where they left off.  I have a personality similar to that friend, I think.

 

I don't know if I've ever asked my parents if they miss the contact.  I might have said, "I don't call you much because I know you talk to several of my siblings daily and I assume your ear might like a rest.  Am I right?"  I think they would tell me if they wanted me to do something different.  It would not be difficult for me to call my mom or dad maybe once a week just for the sake of it, but I really don't have anything exciting to tell them, and I don't want to give them a headache.  ;)

 

They do hear about our antics from my sister, who spends every Sunday with us.  She's the one who is at their house almost daily.  Sometimes she takes my kids to my parents' house for overnights and such (because she doesn't have a spare bedroom).

[magnificent_baby]

I would say if you are both comfortable with it, then I don't see a problem. I'm like your sister, and talk to my Mom daily. My other sisters are as close to her as I am, but she talks to them a few times per week at minimum. I do have one sister that is not a phone chit chatterer, and she rarely calls anyone just to chat. She calls my Mom the least, out of all the siblings, and usually only for a specific purpose. This hasn't ever caused an issue, except when my Mom tries reaching her and she doesn't answer (purposely, LOL). 

[elegantlion]

My parents live 30 minutes away, we see each other about 2-3 times a month, talk about once a week. We're both the only family we have nearby. My mom and I are close, my son and my mom are even closer. I've grown closer to my dad over the years. We've seldom had conflicts, mostly when I was a teen (eons ago). 

 

I have one friend I've known since I was 12. We chat occasionally on facebook and haven't seen each other for over a year. When we get together it's like old times, I still feel on her inner circle and she is in mine if that makes sense. We have a lot of history together, she's very laid back, and she gets me in ways no one else ever will. 

 

 

[scwendy]

I am very close to my parents and all of my children are extremely close to them as well.  My parents (although my father is gone a lot as he is an OTR truckdriver) live in the same town.

 

My mother is my best friend.  She keeps my two youngest the three days a week that I work, but I still see her most days out of the four that I don't work.

 

I lived in the SW for years and it was hard being so far away and only seeing my parents twice a year.  There are so many places I would rather live than here, but at this point in our lives, I would never choose to move very far from my parents.

[SKL]

The funny thing is that I have always refused to move far away because I want to be close to family.  I don't see them often, but if anything happens or somebody needs something, I am there immediately.  I can be there if someone is in the hospital or having a baby or whatever.

[sassenach]

I'm very close with my mom, but we only talk every 1-2 weeks.  We see my mom and her husband 3-4 times a year (they're about a 7 hour drive away).  We text and email every few days.  

 

I'm friendly (?) with my dad.  Hard to choose the right descriptor.  He's always been emotionally distant, but he's the sweetest man in the world.  Strange combo.  We talk maybe every 1-2 months and see each other every 1-2 years.  He lives about 10 hours away.

 

I'm happy and comfortable with the amount of contact I have with the 2 of them.

[Amy in NH]

My parents live 2 hours away.  I talk to my Mom about twice per week, and see them more in the summer than winter.  During the summer they come up to a camp near us, and we see them about once per week.  We probably only see them about twice per winter, when we travel down to visit at their house.  They like to have the tv on all day, and we don't have cable...

[Amira]

My mother and I email a few times a month.  We talk on the phone a few times a year.  My parents visit when they can, but that's not very often.  If we're lucky, we see each other about once a year.  None of this bothers me and I feel very close to my parents.

[Jennifer132]

I'm good with my dad and very close with my mom, but we don't talk much. We call when necessary (to relate news). Sometimes we'll email back and forth. But when they come to visit, my mom will stay for close to a month at a time and we spend alot of time together then. Just pick up where we left off. We live in OK and they in CA, so she only visits a couple times a year. My dad is a work a holic, and I've come to accept that, so I take no offense when I don't hear from him or he only visits for a few days a year. That said, we used to live in CA too, actually in the same neighborhood. Back then we were at my parents house almost daily. And that was normal too.

[Butter]

My parents currently live almost 2,000 miles away.  I talk to my mom daily and my dad at least weekly.  I'm going to spend a week and a half with them next week and I can't wait (though the reason is not so fun - clearing out my late uncle's house to get it ready to sell).  Hopefully by this fall they'll be heading west permanently.  We bought our house specifically with the intention of them moving in with us.

[alisoncooks]

My parents live 3.5 hours away.  We talk on the phone 1-2x a week, sometimes more, but briefly and usually for a purpose (ie. getting details of something).  They Skype with my kids weekly.  We see each other 1x a month or so.  We vacation together 1-2x a year.

[fraidycat]

We are very close, but live 2000 miles apart.

 

We talk on the phone 1-2x/ week on average. Sometimes it is 4 times in 4 days, other times once in 10 days. We see each other 1-2 times/ year.

[kroe1]

One set lives with us. The other has lived with us in the past. Is that close enough?

[regentrude]

My parents and I are close, but they are overseas in Europe and I see them only once a year. We talk on the phone every weekend for about an hour.

I wish I could spend more time with them.

[Gentlemommy]

I'm good with both my mom and dad. I speak to my mom 2-3 times per week, and text about that often. I talk to my dad once a week, and text 1-2 times per week. I'm also good with my sister, however, we rarely text or talk. It's fine when we do, but we just don't do it often. We live in Ga, and my family lives in FL. We visit or have someone visit us every other month or so.

[Chris in VA]

I'm good with my mom and dad. I am so aware that time is short--they are 81 and almost 82, and in ok health, but Mom has heart meds and both are overweight.They live 10 hours away, and we see them 3X a year (TG or Xmas, then in Jan on their way to FL and in April on their way back up).

 

I probably call them once every 2 weeks, and we talk a good half hour. I also call on bdays and holidays. They call from time to time if I haven't checked in.

 

Whatever you feel comfy with is good.

 

I do hear you about them seeming to want you to end a phone call maybe before you are ready. My parents do that occasionally, esp Mom.

 

Just be mindful not to devalue yourself--you are worth hearing from, and you are not a bother to them. :grouphug:

[SKL]

When I visit my family I don't make a bunch of stops.  I go to my parents' house, and whoever wants to see me comes there.  ;)  Unless one of the other relatives is having a milestone party.

 

Of course, I don't have the "in-law" / "out-law" issue.  All of my family is family with each other too.  (No we are not in-bred!  It's a perq of being single.  :) )

[vonfirmath]

I am very close to my parents. I have gone through phases over time of talking to them a lot versus not talking to them much.

 

They really facilitated that they WANTED us to call them back when we were in college. They didn't have much, but put every bit of their entertainment budget (didn't know this part until much later) into a 1-800 number and we knew we could always call it. Any day any hour. Never have to worry about LD costs, for us or them (collect calls, LD cards)

 

Whenever I call, they pick up (Or call back if they can't right away). And in every way made me feel like they want to be a part of my life in every way I am willing to let them be.

 

Even when they come to visit, they stress that they are here to become part of our lives, not to disrupt our lives.

 

 

[catz]

I'm totally the same.  I love my parents.  They're mostly great.  But we aren't in constant contact.  They spend half the year on the other side of the country.  We are more in contact in the summer, but even then it's hit and miss.  They have busy social lives and are constantly out having fun.  We live about 35 miles apart but the drive can easily be 45-90 minutes depending on traffic, so it's not like they're just down the street either. 

[trulycrabby]

My mom and dad live about a mile away; one half mile as the crow flies. We are very close and see each other several times per week. We do a 3-4 mile walk every week, go to church, and tomorrow we are going to pick strawberries. :) We talk on the phone just about every afternoon. :)

 

I think if your parents are happy and you are happy with the relationship, then everything is fine. As others have stated, some people can be close yet not be in each others' pockets. You are a loving and considerate daughter to think things through, though. :)

[creekland]

I'm close with my mom and we talk on the phone at least once per week, many times more.  She's the first to hear (beyond hubby) when anything good, bad, or ugly happens.  Since she lives 8 1/2 hours away, we only see each other a few times per year, but I keep trying to get her to move closer to us.  We often invite her to join us on vacations now and she sometimes takes us up on it.  She's actually financing this upcoming summer's trip.  We both like staying in contact.

 

I'm not so close with my dad and calling him varies far more often.  At some points he gets in moods and calls daily or close to it.  At other times it can go months before I'll hear from him even if I called and left a message.  Most often is probably once every two or three weeks.  He doesn't ever travel to see us, so we only see him once per year when we travel back to my hometown.  If we don't go back (as may happen this year), we can go two years without seeing him.

[ByGrace3]

I am very close with my parents. I speak with them several times a week via phone if not daily most weeks. We eat dinner there every Monday (family day) and they often babysit so we see them usually at least 2x week. We live about 5 minutes from them and that was very intentional. :)

[Night Elf]

My mom lives 75 minutes away. We talk on the phone pretty much every weekday. We don't see each other often which is why I started that other thread. My dad died when I was 21 yrs. old and I wasn't terribly close to him, but at least I know what it feels like to lose a parent. I don't want to feel like I didn't do enough when my mom passes. In fact, I'm hoping she'll get to live with me for a while if it works out that she needs a place to live.

 

MIL lives in another state and we see her once a year for a summer vacation. I'd say she calls DH about once a month. Sometimes I'll make him call her. Even if there's nothing new to report, I imagine a parent would love to get a call just to chat for a few minutes. I'd still consider them close though because he's the oldest and she often asks his advice on things before his brothers.

[Serenade]

I try to make sure I call my mom at least once a week, but I don't always make it. We e-mail at times, too. I do need to start visiting her more and maybe calling more, too, as she is now 77 years old.

[QueenCat]

I talk to my mom almost daily, my dad 2-3 times a week (they are married, just not both around when one of us calls). They are 12 hours away so we see them 3-4 times a year. On average, they come here twice, and we go there twice (once just me/kids, once with me/dh/kids).

[J-rap]

My parents and I are very close.  All of my kids are very close to them as well.  (In fact, my daughter is living with them right now!)

 

It doesn't even occur to me to think about timing, how often, etc.  It just happens naturally, and we're all understanding if it doesn't happen for whatever reasons.

 

But as it is, I probably see them twice/month, but it's always for a long weekend.  (They are 86 but still live in a big house, so we always stay there for 2-3 nights when we visit.)  Several times a year (maybe 3-4 times), we end up staying for longer:  one-two weeks.  They are in the "big city" and we aren't, and they are in a very convenient location for lots of things!  They love having us and we love being there.  We always help with household projects when we go:  snow shoveling, raking leaves, etc.  We see movies together, go to museums with them, eat out.  They are very active. 

 

They live 2.5 hours away.

 

I also email my mother probably once or twice/week.  I text her now and then (a few times/week).

 

What I do NOT do is talk on the phone.  I'm just not a phone person.

[AmandaVT]

I am close with both of my parents. My mom and I talk or email most days and we see each other 3x a week or so. She lives 5 miles from us. 

 

My dad and I text or talk every day and I see him about every 6 weeks for a long weekend. He lives 300 miles from here. We drive down every 6 weeks or thereabouts. My dad loves to hear from me, but doesn't often initiate the calls. He waits for me to do it. It used to bug me when I was younger, now I just go with it. 

 

DH is close-ish with both of his parents, but they talk much less. He talks to his mom when I remind him to call (I talk to her once a week and remind him every couple of weeks) and his dad usually a few times a year, though they text more. His mom has a small apartment about 10 miles from here for part time use, so we see her off and on throughout the year. 

[NoseInABook]

My parents live in different states. I see my father in person maybe twice a year and talk to him once a month. I see my mom around once a month, sometimes every other. I talk to her about once a week. If they were closer, I'd see them more often but yeah, not doable with each being out of state.