Ouch.

[Doran]

Sometimes it hits me like I'm a bug on a windshield. "We" start public school in one week. One. I can't quite fit words around how that fact turns my insides out. And, as much as I adore him, my husband really has no idea how this changes us, changes me. Remind me to breathe, please (BTW, Alphabet Pam, did you schedule your massage?). Wishing that somehow our daughters could remain as wonderfully wonderul as they are right now. Grasping at stars.

[Jennifer3141]

Doran, I don't knwo what's going on in your life but I wish you peace and your daughters a successful academic year. I have little doubts it will be though - they've got a great foundation!

 

Jen

[sdWTMer]

Oh Doran, I'm so sorry that your having to go thru this angst! There are no words. I'm sorry that you will be having to adjust to the uncertain journey you are about to embark on! But, I know that you will do well! Hang in there!

[plain jane]

:grouphug: Doran :grouphug:. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers during this new period of adjustment for your family. I know this is difficult for you and we're all here to support you! I'm sorry this change is causing you such pain.

 

Blessings to you and your family as you tread these uncharted (by you) waters. :grouphug:

[Mom2legomaniacs]

:grouphug: I don't have any wise words (that's what you are good at!). But lots of :grouphug:.

[Doran]

I just went back and re-read my OP (which has now been edited), and saw that I said, "Sometimes I hits me..." Who do I think I am, James Brown? Apparently the gold lamee in a previous thread wormed its way into my brain. Oh, heavens, I'm a mess! :lol:

[dragons in the flower bed]

Breathe. Center. Ground. Your daughters will remain wonderful. Just look at their mom.

[Jane in NC]

Your daughters' transitions will also allow you to transform yourself into your next phase, whatever that may be. This too will be on my horizon as my 11th grader takes courses at the CC. The unknowns can be exciting and frightening.

 

Sending virtual bouquets of cheery zinneas your way,

Jane

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Sometimes it hits me like I'm a bug on a windshield. "We" start public school in one week. One. I can't quite fit words around how that fact turns my insides out. And, as much as I adore him, my husband really has no idea how this changes us, changes me. Remind me to breathe, please (BTW, Alphabet Pam, did you schedule your massage?). Wishing that somehow our daughters could remain as wonderfully wonderul as they are right now. Grasping at stars.

 

Breathe, darlin'. The anticipation is worse than the reality. Prepare to grieve, though. :grouphug:

[sdWTMer]

I guess it's also like ripping off a bandaid, eh? It's gonna sting for a little while. Or can I date myself and say that it's like putting merthiolate on an open wound! Yowza!

[Colleen]

Doran, I've read several posts from you of late regarding the difficulty ~ or perhaps newness is a better word ~ you're encountering as your daughters begin their school journey. I can imagine the butterflies you're feeling, and I do hope you're finding here the support you're seeking. I apologize in advance if my thoughts are not well expressed. I am just... confused. I do understand that we here can extend support and encouragement, regardless of one's chosen path. Truly, I do. I want to do that. At the same time, it feels oxymoronic for me when people opt not to homeschool and lament the fact to those who are staying the course.

 

Hmmm....that sounds wrong. It sounds like I'm using the term "staying the course" as "better than". And anyone who knows me knows I don't cheer homeschooling as The Best option, across the board. I have never said homeschooling is the way and truth, period. I've never even said it's our way and truth, period.

 

At the same time, it is hard for me to hear the "ouch" and know how to respond. (And some would say ~ will say, no doubt ~ that I shouldn't respond at all.) I am thinking about this not just in relation to you, Doran, but in a broader context. I confess I look to this board, this community, as a place where people pursue the road less traveled. I am at a loss when people opt to stop homeschooling and opine the decision here.

[PrairieAir]

Youngest dd started public school last Wednesday. I think I understand how you feel. The answer to those questions, by the way, is yes, I can. You can too. Motherhood ain't for sissies though.

[Aubrey]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[newbie]

Doran, I've read several posts from you of late regarding the difficulty ~ or perhaps newness is a better word ~ you're encountering as your daughters begin their school journey. I can imagine the butterflies you're feeling, and I do hope you're finding here the support you're seeking. I apologize in advance if my thoughts are not well expressed. I am just... confused. I do understand that we here can extend support and encouragement, regardless of one's chosen path. Truly, I do. I want to do that. At the same time, it feels oxymoronic for me when people opt not to homeschool and lament the fact to those who are staying the course.

 

Hmmm....that sounds wrong. It sounds like I'm using the term "staying the course" as "better than". And anyone who knows me knows I don't cheer homeschooling as The Best option, across the board. I have never said homeschooling is the way and truth, period. I've never even said it's our way and truth, period.

 

At the same time, it is hard for me to hear the "ouch" and know how to respond. (And some would say ~ will say, no doubt ~ that I shouldn't respond at all.) I am thinking about this not just in relation to you, Doran, but in a broader context. I confess I look to this board, this community, as a place where people pursue the road less traveled. I am at a loss when people opt to stop homeschooling and opine the decision here.

 

Being in Dorans place , I would lament my dc's going to public. I feel it as a wonderful oppurtunity to be able to hs. Not many moms can afford to stay at home and hs their kids. So I feel super fortunate to be on this path.

 

I dont remember Dorans situation, so I cannot speak for her. But I do feel sad that she is taking these different steps, it cannot be easy for her.

 

Jet

[Jenny in Atl]

:willy_nilly::willy_nilly::confused:

 

I hope all goes well and... well,

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

I'm with ya, sister. My big boys (14 yo twins) begin their part-time public school journey Sept. 1.

 

Praying for you!

 

Blessings,

Camy

[Elaine]

Sometimes it hits me like I'm a bug on a windshield. "We" start public school in one week. One. I can't quite fit words around how that fact turns my insides out. And, as much as I adore him, my husband really has no idea how this changes us, changes me. Remind me to breathe, please (BTW, Alphabet Pam, did you schedule your massage?). Wishing that somehow our daughters could remain as wonderfully wonderul as they are right now. Grasping at stars.

 

Doran:grouphug:

 

I'm sorry. I wish I had magic words or even helpful words, but I don't. Just know that I think that you are terrific, homeschooling or not.:001_smile:

 

And, I am sure that your girls will remain the same wonderful people that they are now. They can't have a mother like you and not.:grouphug:

[JennifersLost]

You know, I don't know where else a homeschooling mommy who has chosen to send her kids to ps would post EXCEPT for here.

 

1. Doran's been part of our WTM "family" for YEARS. Many of us are extremely interested in what's going on in her life right now.

 

2. She has feelings that only homeschooling moms could possibly understand.

 

3. Just because her kids go to public school does NOT mean she isn't following a WTM education with them in terms of extras, emphasis, etc.

 

4. Many moms on this board have been through this and even had kids come back to homeschooling, so they can offer lots of good advice that public school parents couldn't.

 

5. We are her friends. And we would be there for anyone who frequents the board and goes through a life-change.

 

Doran - I know you will face this change with your usual aplomb. You have mail.

[Doran]

At the same time, it is hard for me to hear the "ouch" and know how to respond. (And some would say ~ will say, no doubt ~ that I shouldn't respond at all.) I am thinking about this not just in relation to you, Doran, but in a broader context. I confess I look to this board, this community, as a place where people pursue the road less traveled. I am at a loss when people opt to stop homeschooling and opine the decision here.

 

 

The "ouch" comes from the uncertainty (newness, too), from concern for the drastic changes I know will come upon us, and from the fact that the decision to discontinue homeschooling altogether was rooted largely in the need for me to have a more certain opportunity to contribute to our financial well being as a family. So, it wasn't really a choice. If we continue on one income, we'll go under, plain and simple. Finding suitable employment on a part time basis is not practical here.

 

I can see why you may still feel that I have opted out. And whether or not I have doesn't make it any less difficult a transition for me or for anyone else, regardless of their reasons. I think I've always thought of this as a place where parents can share their feelings, whether those feelings relate specifically to homeschooling or not. Thus, I feel safe and supported (yes) bringing even these thoughts here.

 

Hope that helps you feel less confused.

[*anj*]

Doran,

This place is as much yours as it is anyone else's.

You belong here just as much as the rest of us do.

You have put so much love equity into this board and the people here, that you can live off that investment for years to come.

 

You are one of us.

We are your friends.

We laugh together, we cry together, we indulge in Pam's Evil No-Bakes together, we raise our bottles of Mike's together, we wait for news of babies born and loved ones lost, we encourage, we admonish, we buy bras and washing machines and crockpots together.

 

This is your place, so you come to us when you need need to vent, or a :grouphug: or someone to tell you to :chillpill:.

 

And you will be okay, as will your girls. It will be different, but different isn't always terrible. Sometimes it's just...different. Now don't make me put on my Gloria Gaynor wig and start singing "I Will Survive." It wouldn't be a pretty sight. ;)

[Kelli in TN]

Okay, let's review some things, okay?

 

1) Think and ponder carefully whether this is a good think to try.

 

Check.

 

2) Ask the hive mind what they think of it.

 

Check.

 

3) Talk it out with husband.

 

Check (you did check, right)

 

4) Remind yourself that if this does not work out you can always return to homeschooling.

 

Check, check, check.

 

Your girls are going to school for positive reasons. This is not something thrust on you against your will, this is not something you have to do because you are dealing with broken relationships.

 

Your girlies are just off on a new learning adventure and you will get to look over their shoulders every step of the way.

[TammyinTN]

I have no advice to give but many :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: coming your way!

[dragons in the flower bed]

At the same time, it feels oxymoronic for me when people opt not to homeschool and lament the fact to those who are staying the course.

 

If you lament it to anyone else, they won't acknowledge all of the joys and wonderments of homeschooling. It would be like crying over a deceased person to someone who never knew that person. Everyone here loves what Doran is giving up; we understand why she grieves; we can listen better than anyone. Our sympathetic "mm-hms" have meaning.

[Elaine]

If you lament it to anyone else, they won't acknowledge all of the joys and wonderments of homeschooling. It would be like crying over a deceased person to someone who never knew that person. Everyone here loves what Doran is giving up; we understand why she grieves; we can listen better than anyone. Our sympathetic "mm-hms" have meaning.

 

What a beautiful post, Rose!

[sleepy]

Doran, I can imagine how hard this change is going to be. Best of luck to you and your sweet girls. :grouphug:

[WTMindy]

If you lament it to anyone else, they won't acknowledge all of the joys and wonderments of homeschooling. It would be like crying over a deceased person to someone who never knew that person. Everyone here loves what Doran is giving up; we understand why she grieves; we can listen better than anyone. Our sympathetic "mm-hms" have meaning.

 

Very well said!!!! And I think we have really walked this path with Doran because her vulnerability in sharing the different stages with us, so it is only right that we would share the transition with her as well.

[melmac]

:grouphug:Doran:grouphug: I can't think of anything to say that would make you feel better, but I wish you and your family the best.

[gardenschooler]

Breathe, darlin'. The anticipation is worse than the reality. Prepare to grieve, though. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: The anticipation is much worse than the reality. The anticipation is horrible.

 

After you grieve (which I'm sure you will -I cried for weeks), you will start to fall into a new pattern, where they come home and tell you everything that's going on at school (that's our 'reconnecting' time at the end of the day). It might be easier for you to actually be a little involved in the school itself, since both of them will be going. I haven't been able to do that, with the other two still at home.

 

As far as staying connected with their education, you can do that, too (it is kind of nice to not have to be the enforcer - surprisingly so!) We just discuss books and ideas and what was talked about in class, and I try to help where I can. I'm trying to read the books dd is assigned, so we can talk about those together.

 

It's all good. You're still going to be their mom, and they will need you just as much as before. I kind of forgot that when I sent dd off to school - I felt like it was over, I was losing her forever. She's still here. :)

 

Doran, let yourself grieve. The first day of school, let yourself cry all you want to. Process this change and really feel it. And then you'll start to fall into a new pattern, and you'll see that while this is a major change, nothing really fundamental has changed. You can still be the close family you've always been.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'll be thinking of you. {{{{Doran}}}

[gardenschooler]

Doran,

This place is as much yours as it is anyone else's.

You belong here just as much as the rest of us do.

You have put so much love equity into this board and the people here, that you can live off that investment for years to come.

 

You are one of us.

We are your friends.

We laugh together, we cry together, we indulge in Pam's Evil No-Bakes together, we raise our bottles of Mike's together, we wait for news of babies born and loved ones lost, we encourage, we admonish, we buy bras and washing machines and crockpots together.

 

This is your place, so you come to us when you need need to vent, or a :grouphug: or someone to tell you to :chillpill:.

 

And you will be okay, as will your girls. It will be different, but different is always terrible. Sometimes it's just...different. Now don't make me put on my Gloria Gaynor wig and start singing "I Will Survive." It wouldn't be a pretty sight. ;)

 

Oh my goodness, Anj. I think I'm going to cry. Yes to every word of this!

 

Doran, you're not leaving, are you? Why would you leave? You can't leave. You just can't. You don't even have a blog! Where would you be, just nowhere? We couldn't ever see you?

 

I need you. I don't like change, either, so let's keep it to a minimum, okay? Someone grab Doran and make her stay. This is too much for me, now I've got hormones all a-swirling again. See - you are needed. No leaving. I have abandonment issues.

[Colleen]

The "ouch" comes from the uncertainty (newness, too), from concern for the drastic changes I know will come upon us

 

I hear you. I am not good with change. As gardenschooler said, the anticipation is often worse than the reality, so I can understand why the uncertainty and newness would be stressful.

 

the decision to discontinue homeschooling altogether was rooted largely in the need for me to have a more certain opportunity to contribute to our financial well being as a family. So, it wasn't really a choice.

 

Aha. I didn't understand that to be the case, although I know you've shared about financial challenges of late. I remember a while back after you talked with another gal about reasons why homeschooling may not always be best ~ the conversation that rocked your world. And I recall that once you started thinking to put your older daughter in school, your younger was interested in going, too. So I had the impression, from what you've shared, that this was a choice.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

\ I confess I look to this board, this community, as a place where people pursue the road less traveled. I am at a loss when people opt to stop homeschooling and opine the decision here.

 

And now *I* don't know how to respond. :confused:

 

I reckon "ouch" just about sums it up, though.

[Mandamom]

:iagree: The anticipation is much worse than the reality. The anticipation is horrible. >>>>

 

I have to agree with this. When I first considered homeschooling for my dss many years ago :) I remember worrying in those days up until his last day of school and it was very nerve wracking for me, even though I knew it was the right decision. I was so worried homeschooling was going to go poorly, that I was going to mess up my child. I was worried I wouldn't be able to teach him and that it would be a disaster. Once we got started things went smoothly and it was the best choice we made.

 

When it became time to sending him back to school I went through the same feelings. I was scared he was going to do poorly, that I messed him up homeschooling and he would be a failure in school, even though I knew he was going to do well, I worried and tried to figure out what my role was going to be in his life now that it was going to be taken over by his time in school and I was just plain scared.

 

The transition went extremely well and we are all pleased with his transition to school. Several years later I'm still trying to figure out my place in my own world, but dss knows who he is, who he wants to be and is well on his way to be a strong and independent young man that he would be whether he homeschooled his high school years or he was in school.

 

It has worked out so much better than I imagined as homeschooling did when we switched to that.

 

Good luck.

[Doran]

 

I hear you. I am not good with change. As gardenschooler said, the anticipation is often worse than the reality, so I can understand why the uncertainty and newness would be stressful.

 

 

No. Nor am I...happen to remember that knicker twist post of mine a few weeks back?

Aha. I didn't understand that to be the case, although I know you've shared about financial challenges of late. I remember a while back after you talked with another gal about reasons why homeschooling may not always be best ~ the conversation that rocked your world. And I recall that once you started thinking to put your older daughter in school, your younger was interested in going, too. So I had the impression, from what you've shared, that this was a choice.

 

 

Yes. There was a definite evolution in our decision making process. You remember details well, so it's possible I never fully explained the final part of the process.

 

Sending our oldest to school was a choice we made quite easily and about which I felt less angst, although certainly I had (have) my share. It wouldn't be normal of *me* not to. But, the same was not true for the youngest. She was really not interested in going to school. She was (is) scared about how she would do there because she struggles with some mild learning differences. What tipped the scales for her and me was the realization that in the coming year, I would need to work a lot of hours during the week - at least 30. I still wanted to believe that I could somehow manage to do that and continue to homeschool, though I admit to having loads of doubt. Our youngest's insight kind of clinched it, though, when she announced one day that she wanted to do whatever would allow her to have a regular schedule with predictable hours, something I could never offer her all the years at the farm. That moment of clarity from her, coupled with a gut wrenching discussion with my husband one evening about how bad things really are with our finances, and how that had begun to effect our marriage in his view -- well, I suppose there might have been some way to continue to homeschool, but the most certain path to change seemed the one we're now on.

 

I'm sorry if you feel this isn't the forum for sharing these thoughts, Colleen (for me or anyone else in a similar boat), but as I said last night, I think of this as a place where I *can* do that and, for the most part, I find it benefits me to do so, so I just keep coming back for more self indulgence. :)

[Doran]

It has worked out so much better than I imagined as homeschooling did when we switched to that.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks, Janice. I have a full complement of worry genes, that's for sure! I appreciate the reminders from you and others that things often (usually?) turn out better than we imagine. You were standing inside my head, weren't you, when you spoke of worrying about ruining your child through homeschooling and later worrying about ruining him by sending him back to school becuase you had ruined him with homeschooling? LOL!! So true! :001_smile:

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Doran,

Regardless of your reasons for sending your dc to the "building", there is no reason on earth why you shouldn't feel sad. It is a new thing and hard! It doesn't matter why you are sending them, you are more than welcome to share that here. You don't need permission or have to fall in a certain category for that! That's nuts. There are many who have gone that way and back again.

 

We are here for you no matter what! You have to make choices for what is best for your family. They may not be the ones that you would ultimately want if things were different. But you have to do what you have to do.

 

My friend, you are loved beyond measure! I know this is so hard. The unknown can be very scary. But you are strong, smart, and amazing. You will do very well. You are lifted up in prayer by so many. I truly hope that the worst is simply the anticipation of this moment. That they rest is smooth sailing. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[LisaNY]

If you lament it to anyone else, they won't acknowledge all of the joys and wonderments of homeschooling. It would be like crying over a deceased person to someone who never knew that person. Everyone here loves what Doran is giving up; we understand why she grieves; we can listen better than anyone. Our sympathetic "mm-hms" have meaning.

 

Yes, that's it. :001_smile:

[kailuamom]

I am not sure what is going on in your life right now, but I wish you strength. Please don't feel that all hope is lost -- with any situation, homeschooling included, it is what you have built into the child's foundation that is most important. Your girls are not wonderful just because they were homeschooled. As their parents, you have taught them well and now you have to trust that that is enough. I was not homeschooled. Yes, I made mistakes, but we all do. Did I make them because I was sent to school? I don't think so. If the situation arises where we can no longer homeschool our kids, as sad as I would be to close the chapter, I would have to trust that they have the skills (in heart and mind) to succeed. It would be hard, yes. But it is the parental involvement in a child's life that can make all the difference -- good or bad, depending on the parent. By caring so very much, you have shown yourself to be one of the good ones. :) Just love them and help them thrive.

[LisaNY]

I confess I look to this board, this community, as a place where people pursue the road less traveled. I am at a loss when people opt to stop homeschooling and opine the decision here.

 

Yes, right, this is a "community", and Doran has been a part of it. :001_smile:

 

Her decision to take a different path right now does not automatically cut her off from being able to share her heart. Why? Because the essence of community is *fellowship* - a bonding together. Right now, Doran should feel free to share her thoughts, fears, etc. *with* her community while she makes that difficult transition away from homeschooling.

 

I am sure some decide not to homeschool and it's no big deal. However, I think the majority of hs'ers who decide not to homeschool have a difficult time adjusting to it right away and need time to sort through their feelings and fears. What better place to do it than with those who would most likely experience the same feelings and fears? Where else would she go? To non-homeschoolers? (These are sincere questions, and I hope they are coming across that way. This is not meant to be argumentative at all.)

[laylamcb]

That moment of clarity from her, coupled with a gut wrenching discussion with my husband one evening about how bad things really are with our finances, and how that had begun to effect our marriage in his view -- well, I suppose there might have been some way to continue to homeschool, but the most certain path to change seemed the one we're now on.

 

Oh, Doran, what a painful period this must have been for you. I'm just...hurting for you right now. :grouphug:

[BMW]

Doran,

I haven't read all of these responses, but would like to share a couple of thoughts. I have done what you are doing - after 12 years of homeschooling and I couldn't give my oldest 2 girls what they needed and continue to homeschool the younger 5 children, too (I know some moms could do that, I just wasn't able to, hard as I tried, and ps was the best choice at the time for me and the girls).

 

Anyway, I cried the first time I enrolled them and drove away from the schools. I grieved, yet, I looked for the opportunity to grow as a person. I was able to become a better person from the experience. I cried dropping the girls off for several days.

 

I committed to being at the school every day when they got out. I wanted to see their eyes and expressions and have time alone with each of them to check in on what their day was like. That helped.

 

And I learned that after all the years of homeschooling I had really closed my heart and mind to the people of the ps system. I learned that some teachers were quite nice and qualified and loved their jobs and children. My girls took higher level classes and did well and the teachers learned respect for homeschooling. I'm not saying that will be your experience, but I hope that you will find some similar "good things" that can be found with ps.

 

I also learned that I had a very bad attitude towards teenagers and my girls saw me judge them too quickly and rudely and my daughter would say, "Yeah, she looks like that, mom, but she is sweet and nice and you shouldn't judge her without knowing her." Ouch! That's a lesson I needed.

 

I still believe in homeschooling and I never stopped coming here. I recently posted how I am beginning to homeschool a son this year. I find that I enjoy my younger kiddos in elementary school right now - they are actually thriving (I am really blessed by this school). But, I don't like the middle school and think I can do a better job with them for those years and then I really like the high school... Everyone has a different story and walks a slightly different road.

 

I hope my words help you find some peace for your hurting heart, Doran.

 

Bee

[Tammyla]

I hope the transition isn't nearly as painful as the angst your wading through now. :grouphug:

[Liz CA]

And, as much as I adore him, my husband really has no idea how this changes us, changes me.

 

I think few men/husbands can fully grasp what it means for us (mothers) when profound changes come our way.

Best Wishes!

[KidsHappen]

I just sent my 12 yr. old dd off to school for the first time this year. It was so hard and I am so worried because she also has some small learning/social difficulties. And what makes it even worse is that although I was there for the first week of school, I am currently in Atlanta with my oldest dd awaiting the birth of my first grandbaby. So 12yr.old is braving the second and third weeks of school without mom. She does have her dad, uncle and older sister but still I worry. And the first week was so hard. She basically went to school, came home and did homework, ate dinner, showered and went to bed. She was so tired. And this week she adds in soccer.

 

We are long time homeschoolers so the transition is especially hard and I worry terribly. I am sure that I will feel better once I am home and I can direct and see how things are going. She is very excited and does seem to be enjoying herself so that helps. ANd now I have more time to concentrate on the youngest and commit more energy to find additional supplements for the older two. I think that we will be ok. And I know that you are made of stronger stuff than I am so I know that you will be ok. You can do this and everything will be just fine. I have faith in you. :grouphug: