hand me downs...how do your kids handle it?

[Wabi Sabi]

My kids don't mind hand-me-downs one bit. That said, as I kid I had to wear ill-fitting, dated, out of style clothes that came from the church donation box and was teased mercilessly for it. So, while I heartily welcome hand-me-downs into the house, I go through them all and make sure that they're in good shape, stain-free and the kind of things my kids would actually wear. Although I do keep some worn out athletic pants to be worn about the house, I'm rather particular about what they wear and like them to be dressed nicely when we leave the house. I'm sure it's largely influenced by how much I was tormented about my ugly clothing as a kid.

[MomtoCandJ]

I guess my girls are lucky because they will be far enough a part that I won't hang on to clothes for 5 years. i don't have the space, dd1 is at the age where most things end up stained and things change a lot in 5 years. All dds' cousins are way older or the same size.

[saraha]

My oldest boy doesn't get hand me downs from anyone, but he doesn't really care about what is on his body, so clearance all the way!  My oldest girl is 12, and is now starting to have a sense of her own style, but she gets hadn me downs from cousins.  How I have been dealing with it is that I let her pick what she likes out of whatever someone gave us, then put the rest away.  I don't make her wear anything.  I have also been looking at catalogs and stuff with her and asking her what she likes, and then file that info away for birthdays and Christmas, that way I can shop clearance etc on my own time.  I have also taken her with me to the kids used clothing store and given her a dollar amount and let her pick.  She totally doesn't mind getting her clothes there because they have pretty nice stuff, and she gets that if we buy used, we can buy more!

[Erin]

since this has come up several times, I think it needs to be considered. 

 

Thrift stores, hand-me-downs, etc. are NOT what they were when most of us were kids.  

 

My theory is that clothing used to be a fairly expensive investment back in the days when Kmart was the only big box store.  But with the advent of Gap, Old Navy (not to mention good old Target/WalMart/etc), cheap clothes can be very stylish as well as sturdy.   I think more people have more clothes these days than they did 30 and 40 years ago.  That means more quality clothing ends up at thrift shops, hand-me-down bags, and garage sales...

 

 

At 12 and 13, my kids are at that age where they are painfully aware of what everyone else is wearing, and yet both still prefer to go to the thrift shop.  They like the variety and can pick SO much more for the money.  (And they think Goodwill is terribly overpriced.  lol)

 

Frankly prairiemom, I would "splurge" and take him shopping sometimes at your local thrift shop.

[Guest submarines]

All of my kids are in handmedowns or thrift store clothing (and so am I). They do get to choose some of their clothes at thrift stores. They like being Green. 

[MomtoCandJ]

I would get clothes at our thrift stores but there isn't much selection and are usually not anything I would let my dds wear. We have a local moms 2 moms that I do occasionally use to get clothes. I sell things on there as well.

[Alice]

My son doesn’t mind, he thinks it’s fun to see things of his brother’s that he likes and talk about “when it’s mineâ€. It actually drives the older one crazy, which I’m sure is why he does it. 

 

I have noticed that he is the kid that appreciates it the most when he gets something new. Because I don’t have to buy him the basics I’m also more likely to feel ok about spending a little extra to buy things he doesn’t truly need but that I know he will want. He loves anything soft or silky so I’ve picked up some of those athletic kind of shirts in silky material for him or he loves bright colors so I’ll get him a really bright orange shirt (something his brother would never wear). 

 

We also get a ton of clothes from friends so they really all are used to the idea of hand-me-downs. 

[Bearcat]

My youngest loves getting his older brother's clothes. The other day I pulled out a bunch of long sleeved shirts and he jumped for joy. He remembers his brother wearing some of them and is thrilled to be wearing something his brother used to wear. My oldest is on the small side for his age and my youngest is big for his age so things rarely get packed away. By the time the older is done with them they are a perfect fit for the younger.

My daughter, who is the middle child and only girl, even pouted a little because her brother's clothes don't usually pass on to her. She does occasionally take a t-shirt or pjs but that is it.

[happypamama]

At this point, my three younger boys are all wearing a lot of clothing that was worn by an older brother. They don't seem to mind. They do get new stuff sometimes (MIL is amazing at finding bargains), but so far, we are able to spin hand-me-downs so that they are impressed -- "you're big enough now to fit into this favorite shirt of your big brother's" -- so they think they're part of a special club. :) But that goes with a lot of things in a large family, spinning things just right. I am very good, I think, at pre-emptively saying just the thing to put a positive mindset on everything. Duplicate toy given to someone? "Oh, look, now you and litte brother can play at the same time without him trying to take your toy." Middle child gets sandwiched between two big kids who can do a lot more than he can and two babies who need a lot from me? "YOU are the only child who gets to choose whether you get to be big or little!"

[Hot Lava Mama]

I don't think the problem is that the kids get tons of things, nor do I think it has anything to do with them having only the best of everything.

 

I think the problem is that their parents are obnoxious braggarts, and they're passing down that same attitude to their children. They're basing their self-worth on the cost of their possessions, and that's an incredibly unhealthy attitude to have.

 

It's not the "stuff" that causes people to be snobs. Plenty of perfectly lovely, kind, and generous people have the best of everything, but would never brag about it or think they're better than anyone else because of it.

 

That's very insightful.  Actually, now that I think about it, they were like that before they had money, too.  It seemed to get worse after he started making a lot of money, so I guess I incorrectly attributed it to the money. 

 

I guess I need to go back to my logic books!  :)

[Orthodox6]

On an enjoyable side-note, one of our adult sons happily commandeered some no longer needed tweed sportcoats belonging to his grandfather.  Talk about hand-me-downs!  This is my bearded, literary/history-loving son who would, were it not injurious to his health, adopt a meerschaum pipe. 

[Orthodox6]

I fear there is a correlative point that since the price of many garments has dropped so far, the desire to be a slave to the fashion industry by purchasing new clothes every season has increased in direct response. 

 

 

 

(quoting)  My theory is that clothing used to be a fairly expensive investment back in the days when Kmart was the only big box store.  But with the advent of Gap, Old Navy (not to mention good old Target/WalMart/etc), cheap clothes can be very stylish as well as sturdy.   I think more people have more clothes these days than they did 30 and 40 years ago.  That means more quality clothing ends up at thrift shops, hand-me-down bags, and garage sales... (end quote)

[Julie Smith]

My boys don't mind hand me downs. They don't care where clothes comes from. 

 

But Youngest loves cute pull over sweaters. Eldest only likes solid color t-shirts. 

[Beth S]

Our kids all wear hand-me-downs, and don't complain.  However, we do buy new items when needed, and not available from other used outlets.

 

Since your son is 6 years old, I would consider using this opportunity to teach him about the cost of clothing, your family budget, etc.

 

Hold up the Gap Tshirt that you got for free (or $1) and explain that you would have paid $15 for this new in the store. 

If you paid the $15 for that shirt, then you would not have had the $15 to take him to some outing he enjoyed recently.

 

Another strategy I would use:  If he needs a pair of jeans, I would consider taking him to the Mall, and trying on a pair of jeans in each of the 5 stores in the Mall.

Tell him that you really want to shop to pick the best pair for the best price.

 

My boys detest trying on clothes in the store's fitting room.  :)

 

Basically, I would listen to his issues, but use the opportunity to teach him about Real Life.  :)

 

Good luck--I think you've gotten a lot of encouragement here!

 

 

 

[Murphy101]

None of them really care. If someone doesn't have enough or it's too ragged to pass down, then we don't pass it down and we replenish the stock by buying them a few of the things they need.

 

I'm pretty picky about what I allow to be worn. I don't keep anything holey, frayed, elastic gone, stained, itchy or whatever. And with boys, there's always someone who needs pants because they fit different or all the knees go out.

 

The girls are the same.

[KungFuPanda]

On an enjoyable side-note, one of our adult sons happily commandeered some no longer needed tweed sportcoats belonging to his grandfather. Talk about hand-me-downs! This is my bearded, literary/history-loving son who would, were it not injurious to his health, adopt a meerschaum pipe.

My DH smokes a meerschaum pipe. They're quite beautiful and collectible. DH is actually a non-smoker who smokes about 3-4 times a year. Mostly the pipe sits on a shelf in its fancy holder looking all dignified.

[Luanne]

My daughter is an only child so she never had hand-me-downs, but quite frequently she had used clothes that I would buy at a really nice children's used clothing store in town.  She didn't mind one bit.  I grew up wearing hand-me-downs and it didn't bother me in the least.  I was just glad I had something to wear.  I was the only one in my family who wore hand-me-downs.  My sister was the oldest.  My two brothers were 16 months apart in age and wore the same size shirt at the same time... the older one wore slim pants and the younger one wore regular fit so they never wore hand-me-downs.  My mother always made sure I had a few new clothes each year though. 

[SweetMissMagnolia]

doesn't bother him.....but we rarely receive hand-me-downs...we're usually the one hanging them down LOL....if I tell him he usually wants to keep everything (even if it doesn't fit)--so I go through his closet and dresser when he's occupied or doing laundry and he doesn't notice....

[Crimson Wife]

Being the oldest comes with a lot more responsibilities, so it is only fair that it comes with a few perks as well. Any child of mine who whined about having to wear hand-me-downs would get reminded of that fact. So far youngest DD hasn't seemed to notice.

[Murphy101]

I'll add that most of the time if my kids have ever said anything, it wasn't really about the hand me downs. They just want to express their own personality too. I see nothing wrong with that and making sure to get a few things (goodwill or otherwise) that reflect their own bit of flare seems to solve that issue.

 

No kid wants to look like a new version of what their older sibling looked like 2 years ago. ;)

[Erin]

 

I fear there is a correlative point that since the price of many garments has dropped so far, the desire to be a slave to the fashion industry by purchasing new clothes every season has increased in direct response. 

 

Possibly true. 

 

My point was simply that thrift shops and garage sales can have VERY nice clothes, unlike what we would find when I was a kid.

[TeacherZee]

My niece was recently delighted by getting a bunch of dresses that had belonged to my sister and me :)

[LucyStoner]

My younger son is still young enough to prefer things that used to belong to his brother. I bought him some new shirts (new being like new from the thrift store!) and he was like "did (brother name) used to wear this?" No, it's new for you. "Oh, I wanna wear the red shirt that (brother name) used to wear!" Most every clothing item here for the boys is purchased used or from friends anyways so neither cares. My younger son has some underwear, socks and shoes which were new from the store. Everything else, including some of his socks, shoes and underwear was someone else's first.

[Lady Florida.]

Mine is a sort-of only (dss is 20 years older and was out of the house when ds was born). However, it's tradition in our hs group to bring outgrown clothes to park day and let everyone rummage through them to find what they want. I got a lot of his clothes that way when he was younger, and it never bothered him. He also had some hand-me-downs from an older cousin, and that also wasn't a problem. It might have been different if the clothes came from a sibling who he watched wear them before they became his, but maybe not.

 

 

[lllll]

..

[J-rap]

It was never a problem with my kids.  The youngest ones used to look forward to the day that they finally got the outfit that they had always admired on an older sibling. 

[Piper]

We love hand-me-downs in this house.  Our neighbor regularly brings hand-me-down clothes and toys, and the kids always consider it Christmas when she comes!  However, if there are things we need that we haven't gotten second-hand, obviously, we will buy (or I'll make) the needed items.  The kids don't differentiate - either way, the stuff is new to them!

[Orthodox6]

Possibly true. 

 

My point was simply that thrift shops and garage sales can have VERY nice clothes, unlike what we would find when I was a kid.

 

I had understood that.  Your post was an impetus to additional reflection, which resulted in my response (about increased ability to be greedy now that clothing prices are lower).  You were not moving in that direction of thought; your post simply sparked my own thinking.   

[Catwoman]

LOL...they have a knack for picking the one ratty looking shirt I've hung onto cuz I figure hey you never know when they'll need a ratty shirt.

 

I'm just happy if they get dressed at all.

:thumbup:

 

Set the bar low and you'll never be disappointed! :D

[SKL]

My eldest is my smallest.  She wears clothes that her sister has grown out of.  However, when I buy new clothes, I don't make a thing about them being "for" someone.  They are usually just additions to the closet, to be worn by whomever, whenever.  When I buy something special I do try to get one for each girl.  However, I also buy the eldest used clothes, so it's not like either of them is always getting spiffy new clothes.

 

With toys, I lucked out, because my girls are roughly the same age.  We do hand all of our stuff down to my nieces, who seem happy to have them.  :)

[Shellydon]

Not a problem at all here.

 

[vonfirmath]

Both of my boys hate to shop so they don't care about their clothing at all.  When I have to drag them there to try stuff on they will try one thing on and say can't you just get me 4 of these same things and call it a day.

 

That sounds like me. when I find something that fits and I like how it feels, I'd rather just get a bunch of that and have the shopping be over.

[Cafdog]

My daughter is an only - but she gets hand-me-downs from one of her best friends all of the time (her buddy is about 2 sizes and six inches taller), and has never minded it...so far.  We mix in the hand-me-downs with new clothes.  She's not fussy about the used clothes, but is more concerned if anything is too itchy or uncomfortable.  She's a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

My boys both love hand-me-downs.

[DaffodilDreams]

I have an only and for years we received loads and loads of hand-me-downs from friends. I also shop thrift stores, consignment sales/stores, and ebay - especially now that the hand-me-downs have stopped. Dd has never once complained and seems to have caught my opinion that second hand is an environmentally sound choice. Plus, she has so many more clothes this way than if I were to buy only new.

[twoxcell]

It is not a problem for my kids at all. In fact my girls get so many hand me downs from cousins and friends that I rarely buy them new clothes. I do have to buy clothes for my oldest ds because he doesn't have any cousins bigger then him to give him any clothes. :) We do a lot of thrift store shopping too, so they are comfortable with used things. My girls get so excited when they get a bag of clothes given to them.