Would this bother you?

[MomOfOneFunOne]

AMDG

 

If you received the following from a 9th grade student, would you feel it was too direct . . . rude?

 

"Please confirm that you got this. Last year, if I remember correctly, we had some trouble with this."

 

There is ZERO intent to rudeness on my daughter's part.  

 

It has me bothered to no end, though!  She attached this note to the homework submitted to her Latin teacher.  Egads!  I feel that this would be appropriate, I guess, coming from an adult to another adult, say, coworker.  But from a child to a teacher . . . I do not feel it's appropriate. 

 

However, my baby is growing up and she has a comfortable relationship with her teacher, I think.  The teacher is great teaching and classroom management, et c.  

 

Also, with the online etiquette . . . maybe this is considered appropriate?

 

Before I correct, I'd like to know what you think.

 

And for the context . . . rather than do her homework in a Word document, attaching, and emailing, she prefers to do it in Google Drive and just share it with her teacher.  Last year, though, there were a couple of glitches.  She just wanted to make sure that it got through without a hitch.  There was ZERO intent to rudeness on her part, just getting business done.

[Catwoman]

Did she frequently have trouble with the Latin teacher last year? If she did, I would be proud of her for reminding her teacher in advance that she didn't want to deal with the same problems she had in the past. She wasn't rude; she was clear and concise, and she was standing up for herself.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Since the trouble she is referring to was technological and I assume the teacher would remember what she's talking about, I don't see it as rude.  If the trouble was that the teacher herself lost it then it would be quite rude!  

[Dandelion]

Given the context you provided, I would not have a problem with it.  Because it's clear that the "trouble with this" is not referring to any problem with the teacher, but a technical issue that teacher and student previously experienced with Google Drive. 

 

Be proud that you have a daughter who knows how to communicate clearly and effectively. That will serve her well in life.  :)

[MomOfOneFunOne]

AMDG

 

Okay, thank you guys!  Oh, no! It was definitely a technical glitch that happened a few times.  It wasn't anyone's fault.

 

Thanks!

 

[jenn-]

I think it could have been worded a little better, but given the context, hopefully the teacher doesn't get offended.

[Alessandra]

I would have preferred something like -- Do you remember the computer problems we had last year? Just to be on the safe side, could you let me know that you have received this? Thank you!

 

Imo, the way your dd phrased this was a bit brusque. My concern is that your dd should be developing an ear for the tone of her communications. I have seen many people in the business world who are tone deaf, so to speak, and that can have a bad effect on their careers. I would want to talk to my dd about being aware of how her words can sound to others and how to make sure that her writing strikes the right tone. Better to learn in high school than in the business world, lol.

[Halftime Hope]

exactly what Alessandra said.  Were she my child, I would have an explanation about words being  a lubricant in relationships, to smooth interactions.  The words she chose might be more like sawdust (a bit irritating, but not terrible) between two people jostling against one another in their interactions.

[zoobie]

I wouldn't be thrilled to get it from a colleague, but a 9th grader isn't always full of finesse. ;) Good time to teach voice and tone in email and remind her how please and thank you go a long way! Also, I write emails to peers differently than I do "superiors" (boss, judge, professor, etc.)--generally better to treat those as a more formal letter. It will make a huge impression in the long run as this distinction seems to be getting lost, especially among the texting generation.

[TammyinTN]

I like to the point and short...works for me!  :D

 

[BigMamaBird]

It might get an eye roll from me.  Ninth graders can be . . . less than tactful.  Asking for confirmation that the teacher received it is perfectly acceptable, but I'd leave off the second bit.

[gardenmom5]

taking into consideration the age - and the cluelessness of the age . . . .

 

the only situation it might be appropriate would be a superior to a subordinate.

 

it needs to be softened, and it will help her to have that explained to her.  some kids can pick up on diplomacy easily.  others need blunt instruction.

 

 

the first half sounds like an order - even with the please on the front.  prefacing "would you . . . " would soften it.  she's a student making a request of a teacher - not a boss making an assignment.

 

I agree the second part should be dropped, or else totally rephrased.  it's almost insulting in its implications that the teacher was the one who was part of the communication problem last year.

[Dandelion]

taking into consideration the age - and the cluelessness of the age . . . .

 

the only situation it might be appropriate would be a superior to a subordinate.

 

it needs to be softened, and it will help her to have that explained to her.  some kids can pick up on diplomacy easily.  others need blunt instruction.

 

 

the first half sounds like an order - even with the please on the front.  prefacing "would you . . . " would soften it.  she's a student making a request of a teacher - not a boss making an assignment.

 

I agree the second part should be dropped, or else totally rephrased.  it's almost insulting in its implications that the teacher was the one who was part of the communication problem last year.

 

I would agree with you if there hadn't been a known technical issue.  But since both the OP's DD and the teacher know about the Google Drive glitch, I don't find her tone insulting.  She's simply asking for confirmation in her first sentence, and she's referring to the known issue in her second.

 

Of course her style and tone could be finessed.  She's in 9th grade.  I assume the OP is working with her on that.  But given the context and the need to confirm (given past issues), I think her note is fine.  Not perfect, but not insulting or terribly problematic (again given age and context) either IMO. 

[Samiam]

I don't think it's rude, but yes, a bit of finesse could be used.   I'd read it back to her orally and use different tones...and when you say something like "Could you please confirm..."...it's almost impossibly to convey that rudely...where as a "Please confirm"...and order instead of a question...can be taken wrong.   

[fairfarmhand]

As a teacher, it would be grating, but I would not be too terribly offended.

 

A better phrasing might be, "Since we had some technical issues last year, I'd appreciate it if you could confirm that you got this. "

[Wilma]

I think it's rude. "Last year the google drive / technology / whatever gave us trouble'" would be softer. Also the please doesn't make e first bit less commanding. Would you please confirm? Or would you mind confirming? Or "could you let me know"? These are all softer.

 

Email is tricky.

[Word Nerd]

The second sentence was unnecessary commentary that could be perceived as rude or condescending. 

[Dandelion]

Hmmm, maybe my 10 years of working with software engineers warped my sense of what is rude. :p  I quickly learned to look past the tone and just respond to content/intent.  

[texasmama]

"Please confirm that you got this. Last year, if I remember correctly, we had some trouble with this."

 

If I received this as a teacher from one of my co-op students, I would think it a bit brief but not rude, given the background.  I am not a fan of using 100 words when 10 will do, but I would use this as an opportunity to teach my dd the difference between the above and the below:

 

"Can you please confirm that you received this?  I remember last year having some problems with the google system."

 

Learning to be deferential is a fine art, and many teens will need it to be explicitly taught.

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

Right.  "Please do this" has a commanding ring to it that is inappropriate.  "Would you please let me know" has a more requesting a favor type ring to it that is better.

[Alexigail]

I think it's fine.  

[Seasider]

I think it's rude. "Last year the google drive / technology / whatever gave us trouble'" would be softer. Also the please doesn't make e first bit less commanding. Would you please confirm? Or would you mind confirming? Or "could you let me know"? These are all softer.

 

Email is tricky.

I agree. Also, maybe I missed this but I am wondering if she is kind of wanting to do things her own way to the inconvenience of the instructor. You said instead of sending an attached word document, your dd prefers to do a google doc. If she is insisting on sending her work in a manner different than requested by the teacher, and the teacher is just trying to be accommodating to the student's preference yet has trouble with the technology... See what I mean? Be sure that goggle drive truly is a welcome option before being so curt with the teacher.

[Seasider]

Learning to be deferential is a fine art, and many teens will need it to be explicitly taught.

Excellent point! In some cases, this skill could have a significant impact on one's career path.

[Word Nerd]

I don't see any difference between "please XYZ" and "would you please XYZ" except that the latter uses filler words I'd delete if I were editing the sentence.

[LaCEmom]

I would change the first sentence to a question and probably reorder the second sentence just to make flow better.

 

I don't see any difference between "please XYZ" and "would you please XYZ" except that the latter uses filler words I'd delete if I were editing the sentence.

Well "please" doesn't make it a question, and if it's not a question then it's a command. For example when I tell my 5yo to please put on his shoes, it's neither a question or optional.

 

I always make my kids ask adults to do things. We try to teach that young. We call it "asking sentences" & "telling sentences" when they're little.

[Incognito]

Well, the world I joined when I moved out West 10 years ago doesn't answer things like "could you" and "would you consider".  Those types of requests are ignored.  I've had to learn to write bluntly like that, or my message is skipped.  Short and to the point is expected.

 

FWIW, the reasoning behind the confirmation is unnecessary (and if she really wants it in there, she should say what "this" is ( trouble with Google Drive).

 

YMMV.

[fraidycat]

Since the trouble she is referring to was technological and I assume the teacher would remember what she's talking about, I don't see it as rude.  If the trouble was that the teacher herself lost it then it would be quite rude!

 

I agree with this.

 

However, one thing that I tend to enjoy about kids is their bluntness and honesty...even as I do try to train them to soften the edges a bit.

[Kathryn]

I vote not rude.

 

If the teacher had been the problem,vIt would have been rude. If the issue had been with someone else and this teacher didn't know about it,vIt wild have been rude. But, given the context, I don't find it rude.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I would have preferred something like -- Do you remember the computer problems we had last year? Just to be on the safe side, could you let me know that you have received this? Thank you!

 

Imo, the way your dd phrased this was a bit brusque. My concern is that your dd should be developing an ear for the tone of her communications. I have seen many people in the business world who are tone deaf, so to speak, and that can have a bad effect on their careers. I would want to talk to my dd about being aware of how her words can sound to others and how to make sure that her writing strikes the right tone. Better to learn in high school than in the business world, lol.

 

:iagree: I don't think there was anything terribly wrong with the original email.  However, the abruptness of it could be taken the wrong way, especially if the teacher and student had not been in contact with each other recently.  Dh has a tendency to do this.  He tends to be very brief in his written communication, so much so that I think he conducted half the conversation in his head before sending something.  I like the term "social lubricant." 

[Word Nerd]

I would change the first sentence to a question and probably reorder the second sentence just to make flow better.

 

 

Well "please" doesn't make it a question, and if it's not a question then it's a command. For example when I tell my 5yo to please put on his shoes, it's neither a question nor optional.

 

I always make my kids ask adults to do things. We try to teach that young. We call it "asking sentences" & "telling sentences" when they're little.

 

The writer isn't a little kid. I don't see the point of wording it as a question when the "command" is so innocuous. "Please confirm that you received this [file/message/attachment]" is standard in professional emails, including communication from employees to managers and companies/individuals to their clients. 

[LaCEmom]

The writer isn't a little kid. I don't see the point of wording it as a question when the "command" is so innocuous. "Please confirm that you received this [file/message/attachment]" is standard in professional emails, including communication from employees to managers and companies/individuals to their clients.

You and I obviously have different opinions. The OP asked for opinions, so I gave mine and have no real desire to debate it. But to clarify IMO there are no age limits on needing to be polite and respectful to authority figures. And I personally would never email a client saying "Please confirm receipt." although I've done it plenty of times with peers and business contacts. For a client I would be more wordy and respectful. Maybe that's just me though.

[thefragile7393]

No...does not bother me.  But I am pretty direct and work in a field where directness and bluntness are the norm and must be used because that is what is needed.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

AMDG

 

Wow!  I'm so surprised by the number (and passion) of the responses! 

 

I am grateful for the help in thinking this through.  

 

I have a great kid and I'm so proud of her for so many reasons.  Yes, I wish she'd clean her room more often or keep her homework papers more organized but those are small things.  I'm so grateful that she is a good person who would never be intentionally rude or mean.  

 

I do think that message was certainly brusque and would leave many receiving it feeling a bit turned off.  I've spoken with my daughter about being more gracious, especially in written communication where the nonverbal markers cannot convey intent, et c.

 

It had not occurred to me that the teacher may not have wanted to receive the homework via Drive.  My daughter said that she asked permission last year but assumed that it would be okay again this year.  So, we've asked the teacher and this will give her the opportunity to let us know how that worked for her.  It may have been okay last year but by the end of the year she may have found it bothersome or something.  So, she has an out now if that didn't work for her.

 

Again, I appreciate your help in thinking this through.  

[Catwoman]

AMDG

 

Wow! I'm so surprised by the number (and passion) of the responses!

 

I am grateful for the help in thinking this through.

 

I have a great kid and I'm so proud of her for so many reasons. Yes, I wish she'd clean her room more often or keep her homework papers more organized but those are small things. I'm so grateful that she is a good person who would never be intentionally rude or mean.

 

I do think that message was certainly brusque and would leave many receiving it feeling a bit turned off. I've spoken with my daughter about being more gracious, especially in written communication where the nonverbal markers cannot convey intent, et c.

 

It had not occurred to me that the teacher may not have wanted to receive the homework via Drive. My daughter said that she asked permission last year but assumed that it would be okay again this year. So, we've asked the teacher and this will give her the opportunity to let us know how that worked for her. It may have been okay last year but by the end of the year she may have found it bothersome or something. So, she has an out now if that didn't work for her.

 

Again, I appreciate your help in thinking this through.

It sounds like you have an excellent perspective on the situation and that you and your dd are handling it very well. She sounds like a great kid! :)

[Tap]

Concise, simple and makes reference to why she wants to confirm.  

 

No problem for me :0) 

[CyndiLJ]

It sounds like a command, which is an inappropriate tone from a youth to and adult.  Also, while the relationship might be solid between teacher and student, that can sometimes subtly change with language usage, without us even being aware. If it were my DD, I'd definitely use it as a learning experience and sit down and have a talk with her.  This is the exact sort of non-curricular learning opportunity that can yield great rewards when a child ends up in the work force.  No amount of hard skills can make up for a lack in these sorts of "soft skills".  It sounds like this is a good one to work with too, since the relationship IS good with the teacher...maybe you could even ask the teacher's opinion and involve her!

[Pretty in Pink]

I don't think it's rude. It may be a good time to introduce her to some congenial closings for future correspondence:

 

Dear Mrs. So-and-So,

 

Please confirm that you received this. I remember last year we had some trouble.

Warmly,
<child's name>

 

Some other closings that come to mind are: Warmest regards, Best, Cheers, and Sincerely.

 

[IsabelC]

I wouldn't make a big deal of this if she has already sent it, however if you get the chance I would give her some hint on how to improve the tone, which may come across as just a little abrupt to some readers.

[8circles]

I think it's totally fine.  I think people generally use too many words.  Assuming the teacher is OK with this method of submission, I think she's old enough to request and even expect confirmation of her work being submitted.  I applaud her assertiveness.