How would you handle something like this?

[Pamela H in Texas]

Okay, this is just too far...

 

My husband tried to dye his beard the other day.  The color was too dark so he shaved it off.  Since then, the people at work have been merciless! Most of it is just stupid, but...

 

But one person has done something REALLY....dumb, ridiculous, DANGEROUS.  My husband called her on it in the moment; but she turned around and did it again.  

 

This is something that could ruin his life, if not get him killed.  It really is THAT bad, not stretching at all :(

 

Hubby is going to speak to this person tomorrow or Monday, hopefully in the presence of someone else.  I told him he needs to make a formal complaint against this person should the behavior continue as the behavior is so inappropriate and dangerous.  

 

I don't know what else to tell him to do.  I just can't believe someone would be this stupid!

[momto10blessings]

I'm not sure I understand. Grown ups picking on him for shaving his beard? I'm sure you can't give details, but YES if it is something that can endanger him, have him file a complaint immediately. Definitely before he speaks to this person so they will not have time to deny and make up stories

[Dandelion]

I'm having a hard time imagining what someone did (related to your DH's new clean shaven look) that could ruin his life or get him killed.

 

If it really is that serious, I would send the person an email (so there's a record/documentation trail) stating:

 

(1) what she did and why it was dangerous, etc.  (obviously she knows what she did, but this is just part of documenting the situation)

(2) what will happen if she does it again (i.e. he will file a formal complaint)

 

Talking to this person isn't going to do a lot of good, even if there's a witness.  People tend to remember things differently, and witnesses flake out sometimes.  If your DH sticks to email when discussing this situation with this person, it starts the documentation that will be necessary should he need to pursue more formal action against her. 

 

Of course, depending on what this person did and/or the danger this person might be posing to the rest of the workplace, your DH may not want to wait to inform management.  If there's any chance that he might be held liable for not speaking up sooner, he should inform his manager ASAP.

[marbel]

Yeah, the whole scene you give seems very odd.

 

What momto8blessings said, and, your husband needs to be sure he is never alone with the person and that he does nothing that can be misinterpreted as bad behavior on his part. 

[brehon]

There should be a well defined policy/procedure for dealing with things like this. (I'm assuming something along the lines of sexual harrassment. You don't have to confirm or deny.). Your dh should report this to his supervisor and/or go straight to HR.

 

If your dh chooses to confront this person, the "someone else" MUST be a supervisor. Frankly, i'd just encourage him to report it without the confrontation, especially as he's already talked with her once.

[Tap]

I can't make any sense of what the situation could possibly be, but if one employee is putting another in danger, then it should be reported to management.  Any further discussions need to happen with management involved, not just employee to employee.  If something does happen that causes harm, the documentation is necessary to protect him.

[Catwoman]

Could you at least give us a tiny little hint as to what she did? I can't figure out what it might have been!

 

Whatever the case, it sounds like her behavior was entirely unacceptable and it should be reported immediately to management. It's very important for your dh to start a paper trail for something like this, in case she won't stop.

[Moxie]

Between this and the mystery celebrity neighbor in the "crazy neighborhood" thread, I'll never sleep tonight!

 

Sorry you are in a tough spot. Best bet is to go to HR and get his side out in the open.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Thank y'all.

 

Seriously, y'all are just as confused as I am (except I know the stupid behavior she did).  I seriously do not get how shaving a beard (he still has his mustache) could go so far.  What on earth is wrong with people?!  

 

I will definitely advise my hubby to write up the incident.  Hopefully, she'll get the point and lay off.  

 

How long does a beard take the grow? <sigh>

[Scrub Jay]

I don't get it. What is the big deal about shaving a beard? Is it important to his job?

[Pamela H in Texas]

Kathleen,  I *really* don't either.  It has nothing to do with his job (blue collar, btw; and he's in a supervisory position).  I simply cannot figure out why there would be ANY teasing about such a thing, much less someone taking it so incredibly far.  

 

I really hope all the idiocy dies down quickly.  My hubby jokes and teases like anyone else; but he's a super good guy most people really like.  I don't even think this lady DOESN"T like him.  I think she was just plain not thinking.  Maybe she went home and told her hubby; and he was smart enough to tell her off.

[Reflections]

The confusion lies, I think, in the fact that we have no idea what happened!  You are confused on the why; we are confused on the what.  

 

My imagination is getting away with me... but so far, the only life threatening, beard involving activities I can come up with are:

 

She attacked his face with a weed whacker

She attacked his face with clippers

She changed out his face lotion with nair

She brought in flame thrower to get rid of the mustache

She tried to super glue the beard hairs back on and he almost died of fright

She offered to shave off the rest with a broken glass bottle

 

 

 

 

[Garga]

I can't stand it, my curiosity is piqued: How will he get killed??

 

Speculating--she made some jokes about he's gay because he only has a mustache (horrible stereotype, I know, please don't flame--I didn't make up that stereotype and don't promote it) and he works around people who are violently anti-gay and would beat him up?

 

That's all I can come up with.

[Scrub Jay]

Was the dangerous joke related to the beard or was it just related to the general teasing?

[tabinfl]

Document, document, document. Keep a little notebook (pocket-size) and record dates, times, specifics of what happened (not opinions or impressions or the like, just the facts), who else might have seen or heard anything. Exact words that were said back & forth if he can recall them. Write it in a pocket notebook and keep it on hand to record anything further as soon as possible after it happens (once he's out of harm's way, of course). Once it's in writing, have a neutral third party, maybe even an attorney, read it over if possible and get an outside opinion on whether he (and you) are evaluating things clearly. Not saying you're NOT, but emotion, especially fear, can cloud judgement.

 

DO NOT speak to the other person any further about it, other than very clearly (and in the presence of witnesses if possible) telling that person to stop doing whatever it is IF anything further happens. Do not mention reporting to HR/management, as that could be seen as a threat or intimidation attempt n his part. Avoid being alone with the other person under any circumstances.

 

Do go ahead and report it (without telling anyone else at work), directly to HR if there is a process for such -- and there should be unless it's a tiny company. That's part of HR's function, so that managers who don't know the ins & outs of employment law don't muck it all up. If this person is endangering his well-being over something so trivial, who knows what's happening to others in the workplace, say someone who crosses her professionally!

 

If it reached the level of assault, battery, or reckless endangerment, he might consider making a police report -- again, if this person is doing stupid things that endanger others, they should be stopped. Often people like this will be "bullying" (for lack of a better word) others in other areas of their lives as well. I hate the thought of using the authorities (within or outside of the workplace) for something that should be worked out among adults, but this doesn't sound like a rational mature adult he's dealing with.

[Word Nerd]

I wish I hadn't read this thread. Wondering what in the world she did that could ruin his life or kill him bugs me. Did she come after him with a razor blade? Turn on a chainsaw?

[Shelly in IL]

He's a Duck Dynasty guy, right? Grandpa Phil will accidentally shoot him because he doesn't recognize him, right?

[Dandelion]

OP - I think unless you provide more details, this thread is going to quickly devolve into rampant speculation about obscure facial-hair-related death plots.  Which will be entertaining, but not very helpful to you or your DH.  :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Julie, but it has been funny.

 

Seriously, I was so incredibly upset.  And today has been bad in other ways also.  I need the laugh.

 

BTW, I didn't know the gay thing.  I don't think he looks the slightest bit gay.

A bit more Tom Selleck (one of the other teases) than Chuck Norris basically.  

 

 

 

[Scrub Jay]

I vote that she tried sewing on a face wig.

[Dandelion]

Out of curiosity, I did some googling.  Because I really, really cannot imagine what this woman might have done.  
 
I came across this article, 5 Men Who Died From Shaving.  Learned something new about Henry David Thoreau: 
 
John Thoreau was the brother of famous American writer and Transcendentalist, Henry David Thoreau. In the winter of 1841, while taking part in his daily shave, John Thoreau cut himself with his razor. A few days later he came down with lockjaw and died in Henry David’s arms. His brother’s death devastated Thoreau. He didn’t talk to his family or write in his journal for weeks.

 

Thoreau’s good friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson, suggested he go spend some time out in the woods alone near a pond called Walden. Thoreau took this sage advice, and one of America's great essays was born. All thanks to shaving.

[albeto.]

Julie, but it has been funny.

 

Seriously, I was so incredibly upset.  And today has been bad in other ways also.  I need the laugh.

 

BTW, I didn't know the gay thing.  I don't think he looks the slightest bit gay.

A bit more Tom Selleck (one of the other teases) than Chuck Norris basically.

Oh my God, your husband pissed off Chuck Norris, and now he's going to pay the price!

 

I am so sorry.

 

Nothing can be done. Chuck Norris can bend light. With his bare hands.

[zoobie]

He should've gone to the highest supervisory person on site immediately. He should go to that person first thing the next time he is back at work assuming the danger is only at work. He needs a written report of this and a copy for him to keep.

 

If you get hurt at work and the employer/insurer has the slightest whiff of it being "horseplay," they can deny the claim and drag you through hell.

 

If it's something that can harm him outside of work (or the employer blows him off and crazy lady does it again), he needs to call the police.

[Dandelion]

 

Julie, but it has been funny.

 

Seriously, I was so incredibly upset.  And today has been bad in other ways also.  I need the laugh.

 

BTW, I didn't know the gay thing.  I don't think he looks the slightest bit gay.

A bit more Tom Selleck (one of the other teases) than Chuck Norris basically.  

 

 

Oh my God, your husband pissed off Chuck Norris, and now he's going to pay the price!

 

I am so sorry.

 

Nothing can be done. Chuck Norris can bend light. With his bare hands.

 

 

Did you know there are Chuck Norris beard jokes?  Neither did I.  I love the interwebs.   :D 

 

 

Chuck Norris holds the Guinness World Record for the most beard related killings.

 

Chuck Norris changes barbers often due to the deadly reflexes of his beard when it feels threatened.

 

Chuck Norris' beard is Razorwire, soaked in oxen blood and held together by the souls of mortals.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't shave, his beard grows to the perfect length and stops.

 

The only way to defeat Chuck Norris is if you cut-off his beard. Nah.

 

There is no Sasquatch, Chuck Norris just forgets to trim his beard.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard on his face. Chuck Norris' beard has a face.

 

When Chuck Norris plays Risk, he conquers the entire world and obliterates the other player's armies and wins in one move. With his beard.

 

Chuck Norris' beard hair is used as highly durable wiring. That is, if he donates the hairs. Take a hair from Norris and the hair strangles you.

 

Chuck Norris's beard has its own ZIP Code.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard by choice, even the jaws of life can't cut it.

 

The song Welcome to the Jungle by Guns n' Roses is actually about Chuck Norris' beard.

 

Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.

 

Chuck Norris trims his beard by kicking himself in the face because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris IS Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris wears a hat because if the crystaline structure of his beard ever hit light, it would magnify it, creating a fire. Just ask the dinosaurs.

 

Similar to an iceberg, only 1/10 of Chuck Norris' beard can be seen above the surface.

 

They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.

 

When Chuck Norris does a movie, he gets paid, his fist gets paid, and his beard gets paid and has its own dressing room. 

Chuck Norris destroyed the earth once. He pulled a new one from his beard to make it better.

 

Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.

 

Chuck Norris didn't grow a beard, Chuck Norris' beard grew a man. That man was Chuck Norris.

 

 

There are 10 pages of Chuck Norris beard jokes BTW.   :lol:  The above is just a selection from http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/taxonomy/term/112

[Melissa in Australia]

_{I am sorry  for your DH,   but this thread is cracking me up. :lol:} 

[Pamela H in Texas]

He said she isn't there this morning....thankfully.

[brehon]

Pamela, did I read that your dh is in a supervisory position? If so, he needs to be doubly careful to follow *exactly* whatever the company's policy is for this kind of issue. *EXACTLY*. And he should NOT confront this woman without his supervisor there.

 

Actually, he shouldn't confront her at all; instead, (and I realize I sound like a broken record) follow the company's established policy. If he's unsure of the policy, he should talk to HR.

 

Also, and I hate to be a downer here, but I have seen the fall-out from these things and it isn't pretty, your dh should watch how he jokes with those he supervises (or who are lower than he is on the company heirarchy). I'm sure he's completely appropriate; however, many times perception can trump reality and an unsuspecting worker/supervisor who means no insult or harm can find himself in deep trouble.

[Guest submarines]

I'll never sleep again, because despite my wild imagination, I just can't imagine what could be done to a newly beardless man in a blue collar work environment that could ruin his reputation and potentially kill him.

 

If someones figures this out, I beg you, PM me.

[Library Momma]

It has been my limited experience that when one person does something to another person at work that involves personal harm and/or um, potential murder, usually the police are involved.  I think at that point it moves beyond an "HR issue."  I'm not sure why that is not the case in this situation.  

[albeto.]

I'll never sleep again, because despite my wild imagination, I just can't imagine what could be done to a newly beardless man in a blue collar work environment that could ruin his reputation and potentially kill him.

 

If someones figures this out, I beg you, PM me.

Painted a new beard on and attracted the ire of homophobes?

 

 

 

[beaners]

Is she suggesting he's involved with a drug ring or something? Or working as an undercover cop?

[HRAAB]

This thread has got me laughing although I understand something serious has happened.

 

It's funny though because my dh just dyed his beard. He was having a new picture taken for his access card, and the old one looked really bad because his beard was as white a the background so his face just sort of faded away into nothingness. So he dyed his beard, it hasn't been this dark for over 20 years, and boy did he get teased especially by the women at work but nothing life threatening in any way. And all his daughters who miss his Santa Claus beard. Maybe this is an indication he should leave nature alone.

 

I'm sorry you dh is having such a difficult time. People can be so incredibly ridiculous but to take it beyond some good natured teasing is just so wrong. I hope he gets it all sorted out.

[Reflections]

Maybe she has a super jealous husband, and now that the OPs dh has shaved his beard, she's attracted to him and the husband wants to kill the OPs dh???  You know, like in As The World Turns?  Or Dallas?  Or Dynasty?  

 

Honestly I'm running out of ideas.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I could see some idiot coming after someone with a blowtorch to "make a white area on the face tanned" or with a staple gun to "staple on a new beard".  Horseplay but with deadly consequences if the person got too close or their finger slipped or whatever.  

[Quiver0f10]

.

[Tranquility7]

Why can't you say what she did?  :confused1:   It's not as though you are writing a supportive thread about it.  How could you or DH get in trouble for repeating what she did?

 

[LaCEmom]

Well since you can't say or even give a hint as to what she did, I can't really say how I'd handle it.

[Catwoman]

Well, rats. :glare:

 

I saw this thread had been bumped back up to the top and I was hoping that Pamela had spilled the beans and told us what happened.

 

Until she does, I am going to simply assume that there was a chainsaw involved.

 

I'm pretty sure there wasn't a chainsaw involved, but that's what I'm going to assume, anyway.

 

I wonder why the woman didn't show up for work today. Some sort of tragic practical joke mishap at home, perhaps? ;)

[Delirium]

I want to know what she did. She said he looked like a pedophile? That would be dumb and dangerous.

[Dandelion]

My husband called her on it in the moment; but she turned around and did it again.

I might be reading too much into your choice of words ("turned around and did it again"). But did this woman moon your DH? To make a joke about how smooth his face is now?

[unsinkable]

I want to know what she did. She said he looked like a pedophile? That would be dumb and dangerous.

That's what I'm thinking...or that Pamela's DH now looks like a wanted killer/abuser/legendary criminal. And maybe the coworker keeps calling him that?!

 

I don't know why Pamela won't say what the coworker did.

 

As for the joking...uh-huh, nope, no way. A supervisor can get bit HARD joking around with subordinates, esp those of the opposite sex.

[Quiver0f10]

 

I might be reading too much into your choice of words ("turned around and did it again"). But did this woman moon your DH? To make a joke about how smooth his face is now?

I can't figure out how this would endanger his life? I simply cannot come up with anything that warranted such a reaction. :glare:

[Guest submarines]

I might be reading too much into your choice of words ("turned around and did it again"). But did this woman moon your DH? To make a joke about how smooth his face is now?

But why would this endanger his life?

[Guest submarines]

That's what I'm thinking...or that Pamela's DH now looks like a wanted killer/abuser/legendary criminal. And maybe the coworker keeps calling him that?!

 

I don't know why Pamela won't say what the coworker did.

 

As for the joking...uh-huh, nope, no way. A supervisor can get bit HARD joking around with subordinates, esp those of the opposite sex.

But even if he looks now like a killer/ abuser/ legendary criminal, I still don't see how it is so bad as to endanger his life. Stupid? Yes. Harassment? Yes. Dangerous? How??

 

Or maybe I'm not thinking broadly enough about where her DH works.

[Dandelion]

I can't figure out how this would endanger his life? I simply cannot come up with anything that warranted such a reaction. :glare:

I'm thinking extremely jealous, overprotective husband? The kind who wouldn't think twice about beating the crap out of some guy, because in his mind it's somehow the guy's fault that his wife showed him her booty.

 

And yes, I think it's a stretch too.

[Word Nerd]

OP, do tell! Please!

[Guest submarines]

I'm thinking extremely jealous, overprotective husband? The kind who wouldn't think twice about beating the crap out of some guy, because in his mind it's somehow the guy's fault that his wife showed him her booty.

 

And yes, I think it's a stretch too.

OP said that it would not only endanger his life, but also ruin his reputation. So while the above scenario, with some stretch, might endanger his life, I'm not sure then, about his reputation.

 

(I'm just really intrigued and am enjoying the puzzle!)

[unsinkable]

But even if he looks now like a killer/ abuser/ legendary criminal, I still don't see how it is so bad as to endanger his life. Stupid? Yes. Harassment? Yes. Dangerous? How??

 

Or maybe I'm not thinking broadly enough about where her DH works.

Maybe Pamela is afraid someone will physically harm him in a case of mistaken identity?

 

I'm grasping here, i know. :lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I quoted the long thing.  I meant to quote the person who guessed that the co-worker mooned him.  If that was the scenario, I think she did it while driving, risking them driving off the road!

 

[Mergath]

 

I quoted the long thing.  I meant to quote the person who guessed that the co-worker mooned him.  If that was the scenario, I think she did it while driving, risking them driving off the road!

 

 

Maybe she put Rogaine in his coffee?  I don't like my dh's facial hair, and I know I've been tempted to smear his coffee cup with Nair. ;)