If a woman from your DH's past mentioned going to lunch.....

[Jean in Newcastle]

**

[Melissa in Australia]

I know I would be upset. To me the degree of upsetidness is according to close the relationship was before marriage. casual friend = a bit miffed, xgirlfriend = I wouldn't be able to handle at all

[Guest]

Well, nearly this same situation happened to me with a FB friend from my distant past. He (my old friend) thought I should be totally fine with meeting up with him, as well as thinking dh should not find that threatening. But I disagreed. Ultimately, I had decided I was going to unfriend him, but he was so P.O.'d that I would not even consider meeting up, he unfriended me. Oh well. It's not a loss I lie awake at night thinking about! 

 

P.S. I strongly suspect that he was shocked to realize he ranked so low on my "who to please" itinerary and it hurt his pride. 

[HRAAB]

In my marriage, I would not be upset or jealous.  It wouldn't even cause me to blink.  

[mamaraby]

Our marriage does not mean that we own each other. My dh always had friends of the opposite sex. He did when we were dating and he does now. I would not think anything of it nor would I care if he had lunch with a friend who happened to female - to me it wold be just the same as him going to lunch with a friend who was male. Like another poster mentioned - we're both adults and capable of managing our own selves.

[Farrar]

I wouldn't blink.  In fact, that has happened to dh (no band, but he has seen people for lunch, including women, after reconnecting online).  I am not bothered a bit.  Nor am I so suspicious of the rest of womankind that I think anyone who is interested in him must be after something sexual or romantic.  How silly.

[happyWImom]

The bottom line here is that the OP is uncomfortable with the situation, and her intuition is telling her "This is not okay".  I don't think anyone here should try and make her feel like she's insecure, ridiculous, overly jealous, etc....  Aren't we here to be supportive, or are we here to try to show how superior we are to each other???  

 

Sorry, but many of the comments here have rubbed me the wrong way.  Also, I have PMS.  :D   

 

Everyone has different degrees of what they are comfortable with, based on past experiences, upbringing-whatever.   Also, just because the woman posted a public message doesn't mean she automatically had pure motives.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

The bottom line here is that the OP is uncomfortable with the situation, and her intuition is telling her "This is not okay".  I don't think anyone here should try and make her feel like she's insecure, ridiculous, overly jealous, etc....  Aren't we here to be supportive, or are we here to try to show how superior we are to each other???  

 

Sorry, but many of the comments here have rubbed me the wrong way.  Also, I have PMS.  :D   

 

Everyone has different degrees of what they are comfortable with, based on past experiences, upbringing-whatever.   Also, just because the woman posted a public message doesn't mean she automatically had pure motives.  

The OP asked "What are your thoughts?  Is it weird that she wanted to do lunch with him?  Is it innocent because she posted it for the world to see?  Would you be upset/jealous?"  We are answering those questions honestly.  Many have said that they would be uncomfortable as well.  Many have said that they wouldn't.  There is no right or wrong here.  These are our thoughts.  

[mathnerd]

To the OP, it seems that these days people say things like "we could have met for lunch if I had known you were in my neck of the woods" on FB. It is the normal thing like saying "I love your outfit" for want of a better thing to say to someone in order to be nice to them - I believe this because my teen niece told me so! So, it could be that the comment meant nothing.

I would personally not even blink at such a comment. But, if you feel uncomfortable in any way, let your husband know that he should "unfriend" her because you have a problem with her familiarity with him - and I am sure that he will respect your wishes.

 

[8circles]

This is a non-issue for me.  I don't find it weird that she posted about getting together for lunch - I may have done the same thing to some of my old friends.  I hope no one thinks I'm out for their man because I'm in fact very happily married.  I just have an interest in my old friends because, well, I liked them then & I'm interested in how life has treated them.  I don't find it innocent because she posted it in public (although I guess that helps), but because I don't find it weird that oppposite genders can have lunch without scandal.  I think that's normal.

[HRAAB]

The bottom line here is that the OP is uncomfortable with the situation, and her intuition is telling her "This is not okay".  I don't think anyone here should try and make her feel like she's insecure, ridiculous, overly jealous, etc....  Aren't we here to be supportive, or are we here to try to show how superior we are to each other???  

 

Sorry, but many of the comments here have rubbed me the wrong way.  Also, I have PMS.  :D   

 

Everyone has different degrees of what they are comfortable with, based on past experiences, upbringing-whatever.   Also, just because the woman posted a public message doesn't mean she automatically had pure motives.  

 

The OP asked "how would you react?", and I assume those who responded answered the question honestly. 

[AimeeM]

The bottom line here is that the OP is uncomfortable with the situation, and her intuition is telling her "This is not okay".  I don't think anyone here should try and make her feel like she's insecure, ridiculous, overly jealous, etc....  Aren't we here to be supportive, or are we here to try to show how superior we are to each other???  

 

Sorry, but many of the comments here have rubbed me the wrong way.  Also, I have PMS.  :D   

 

Everyone has different degrees of what they are comfortable with, based on past experiences, upbringing-whatever.   Also, just because the woman posted a public message doesn't mean she automatically had pure motives.

Huh? She specifically asked us what we would do if a woman from dh's past contacted him via facebook... and so on, and so forth. Didn't she? I never would have answered had I thought she just venting.

[Rebecca VA]

There are many, many predatory women out there.  Sorry, but it's true.  There are plenty of single women who wouldn't lose a moment's sleep over taking someone's husband away.  Although we all want to believe the best of ourselves and our husbands, affairs have to start somehow, and they usually start with mundane activities like having lunch together.

 

A woman with good intentions (and good manners) will say, "Would you like to grab some lunch for old times' sake?  Oh, and of course your wife is welcome to join us if she'd like."

[unfrumpable.]

Am I the only person has not only good friends, but also simple acquaintances on my facebook? I'm starting to feel like I am. I have over 200 "friends" on my face - some I know very well, others barely.

No, I have plenty of people that I was friends/acquaintances with in high school (20+ years ago) that I am friends with on FB. It's fun to touch base and see how everyone is doing.

[Wheres Toto]

I think part of it would depend on what kind of relationship they had in the past.  We're they friends? Intimate? Was she in fact more like a groupie (did your dh have a bit of a wild past)?

 

Dh ended up getting back in touch with a lot of women, and men, he was friends with years and years ago when he finally got around to joining Facebook.  He got a kick out of getting back in touch with old friends , reminiscing about high school, hang-outs, etc.  They did actually organize a casual reunion at an old hang-out and dh went with a couple of his guy friends.  This was a few hours away, near where his mom lives, so he went down for a couple days by himself while the kids and I stayed home.  I didn't see it as a big deal.

[Laurie4b]

Hmmm. Two things particularly bother me: 1) she looked him up on Facebook and they weren't old friends; rather 2) she was a groupie.   I do not find the public nature of the comment reassuring. It might be innocent, but there are some women who like to "mark their territory" ie there are some who would like to publicly do the invite because it's more ... I don't know... more of a conquest that way?  (I can win even in broad daylight. Dear Little Wifey Can't Stop Me.) 

 

I think she may have been fishing: first by the friend request, then by a comment like that.

 

There are some women from dh's past I'd be fine with him reconnecting with, though in our marriage, neither of us would do it one-on-one. However, a former groupie would not be in that category.

 

 

[DarlaS]

Am I the only person has not only good friends, but also simple acquaintances on my facebook? I'm starting to feel like I am. I have over 200 "friends" on my face - some I know very well, others barely.

I have people I barely know on there. (No one I have any reason to dislike though.)

 

I even post publicly from time to time. Not family pics or anything, but just enough so anyone searching for me and wondering if they found the right person can figure it out.

[justamouse]

The whole exchange wouldn't have fazed me in the least. 

 

Not that I would automatically trust any woman from Dh's past, but that I trust him that much, and I probably would have told him he should have. 

[happyWImom]

Huh? She specifically asked us what we would do if a woman from dh's past contacted him via facebook... and so on, and so forth. Didn't she? I never would have answered had I thought she just venting.

 

She did ask, and while a lot of the answers seem to be sincere, one person called her "silly", and quite a few seemed VERY condescending.  I get that "she asked", but to make her feel like she's over-reacting & doesn't have the confidence in her marriage that some of us do isn't being very kind or understanding.

 

(I don't know how to multi-quote, or I would have-just picked yours because it was the last)

[wintermom]

It would probably surprise me a little, too. My dh would have responded just like yours did, and that is an excellent answer.

[mamaraby]

She did ask, and while a lot of the answers seem to be sincere, one person called her "silly", and quite a few seemed VERY condescending. I get that "she asked", but to make her feel like she's over-reacting & doesn't have the confidence in her marriage that some of us do isn't being very kind or understanding.

 

(I don't know how to multi-quote, or I would have-just picked yours because it was the last)

Tbh, I think you're overreacting here. The OP asked:

 

What are your thoughts? Is it weird that she wanted to do lunch with him? Is it innocent because she posted it for the world to see? Would you be upset/jealous?

Which to me indicates that answers that say she's overreacting or that what happened is no big deal are welcome. There are plenty of folks who agreed with her being upset about it and as far as I can tell, far fewer who thought there was nothing to be upset about. If she only wanted support for how she saw things or only those who agreed with her, she would have slapped a "just agree with me on it."

 

As for confidence? I see a difference of opinions on perspectives when it comes to ones marriage, the "lack of confidence" part is your interpretation.

[bolt.]

There are many, many predatory women out there. Sorry, but it's true. There are plenty of single women who wouldn't lose a moment's sleep over taking someone's husband away. Although we all want to believe the best of ourselves and our husbands, affairs have to start somehow, and they usually start with mundane activities like having lunch together.

 

A woman with good intentions (and good manners) will say, "Would you like to grab some lunch for old times' sake? Oh, and of course your wife is welcome to join us if she'd like."

Yes, there are many "predatory" women who have no particular respect for a man's marital status. I'm not going to demean my husband by encouraging him to live as if mere exposure to their willingness is going to change something fundamental about him.

 

I don't need "them" to not want him... I need him to not want "them" -- if that's not the case, then something fundamental is already lost about my marriage, and the very next willing and attractive woman will prove it. It may start with lunch; but that's not a reason to avoid lunch.

 

People who respect their own marriages can be trusted anywhere they trust themselves. People who don't have that level of commitment can't be "trusted" to step outside their own front doors.

[happyWImom]

Tbh, I think you're overreacting here. The OP asked:

 

Which to me indicates that answers that say she's overreacting or that what happened is no big deal are welcome. There are plenty of folks who agreed with her being upset about it and as far as I can tell, far fewer who thought there was nothing to be upset about. If she only wanted support for how she saw things or only those who agreed with her, she would have slapped a "just agree with me on it."

 

As for confidence? I see a difference of opinions on perspectives when it comes to ones marriage, the "lack of confidence" part is your interpretation.

 

Calling her silly & saying she's suspicious of the whole of womankind doesn't seem like I'm overreacting to the comments.

 

Again, since I haven't mastered the multi-quote, and since I don't want to have a bunch of darts thrown at me, I'm not going to name every single comment I think might have been offensive.  But when people are typing things in all caps for the OP about being FRIENDS with the opposite sex & calling her "extreme", it doesn't spell supportive to me.

 

And, as the OP said, they were never "friends".  A cross between groupie & acquaintance, not a friend.  

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

 

Hmmm. Two things particularly bother me: 1) she looked him up on Facebook and they weren't old friends; rather 2) she was a groupie.   I do not find the public nature of the comment reassuring. It might be innocent, but there are some women who like to "mark their territory" ie there are some who would like to publicly do the invite because it's more ... I don't know... more of a conquest that way?  (I can win even in broad daylight. Dear Little Wifey Can't Stop Me.) 

 

I think she may have been fishing: first by the friend request, then by a comment like that.

 

There are some women from dh's past I'd be fine with him reconnecting with, though in our marriage, neither of us would do it one-on-one. However, a former groupie would not be in that category.

 

[Guest]

 

It might be innocent, but there are some women who like to "mark their territory" ie there are some who would like to publicly do the invite because it's more ... I don't know... more of a conquest that way?  (I can win even in broad daylight. Dear Little Wifey Can't Stop Me.) 

 

I agree with this and find it an astute observation, although I would say there are men who do the same thing.  I felt that the guy from my past on FB was doing this, too.  He was ridiculing in a, "Come on! What's going to happen in broad daylight? What are you so worried you might do? Doesn't your husband trust you? Don't you trust yourself?" sort of way. Personally, I think that sort of taunt is a test to see how far the person in question will let down their guard. 

 

NOT TO SAY THIS IS THE CASE WITH EVERY OPPOSITE-SEX FB FRIEND EVER.  Just that I got the distinct vibe in my own case, and I'm not willing to make my dh feel concerned or show myself to be so easily manipulated to please someone who hasn't mattered to me in 25 years. Just my 2 cents. 

[shinyhappypeople]

No, it wouldn't bother me.  My DH has a similar history to yours (band, lots of followers, etc.) and still gets lots of friend requests from people (men and women) from back in the day.

 

Now, if it were his skanky ex-fiance who is STILL totally off her nut.... I would not like that.  But, if it were someone who'd just been a casual friend and appears to be relatively sane... nah.  No worries.  

[Tap]

I wouldn't have thought twice about it, any more that if it was a man suggesting they meet for lunch.  I don't assume just because someone is the opposite gender means they are interested in anything other than lunch and catching up.  Dh and I both have friends of the opposite gender that are friends of just his or just mine.

 

 

LOL infact, now that i think about it, dh has had lunch with (or has "when we are both in xyz town at the same time) a couple of friends from Facebook that were women.  I really didn't care one iota.  He hasn't mentioned their lunch more that 'hey met Stacy for lunch today.....she is upto....and going.....and working,....".  It was a good lunch, fun to catch up, and that was it. No man stealing, not husband stealing, no elicit sex in a park.  Just old work teammates catching up on current lives and saying Hi. 

 

 

[Catwoman]

I think what may make this situation different from others that have been mentioned here, is that most people who would be comfortable with their dh having lunch with an old friend, or receiving a FB message like Bean received, are talking about their dh's actual friends or former co-workers, not some semi-random groupie chick who used to follow his band around from one gig to another. And I do think there should be a distinction between "old friend or co-worker" and "former groupie," because there is a huge difference there. 

[ocelotmom]

I think what may make this situation different from others that have been mentioned here, is that most people who would be comfortable with their dh having lunch with an old friend, or receiving a FB message like Bean received, are talking about their dh's actual friends or former co-workers, not some semi-random groupie chick who used to follow his band around from one gig to another. And I do think there should be a distinction between "old friend or co-worker" and "former groupie," because there is a huge difference there. 

I agree. It sounds to me like maybe she thinks she was a much bigger part of his past than she actually was.

 

Doesn't bother me at all when DH meets up with people from his past, including old girlfriends, but this situation strikes me as a little off.

[ocelotmom]

I think what may make this situation different from others that have been mentioned here, is that most people who would be comfortable with their dh having lunch with an old friend, or receiving a FB message like Bean received, are talking about their dh's actual friends or former co-workers, not some semi-random groupie chick who used to follow his band around from one gig to another. And I do think there should be a distinction between "old friend or co-worker" and "former groupie," because there is a huge difference there. 

I agree. It sounds to me like maybe she thinks she was a much bigger part of his past than she actually was.

 

Doesn't bother me at all when DH meets up with people from his past, including old girlfriends, but this situation strikes me as a little off.

[ocelotmom]

I think what may make this situation different from others that have been mentioned here, is that most people who would be comfortable with their dh having lunch with an old friend, or receiving a FB message like Bean received, are talking about their dh's actual friends or former co-workers, not some semi-random groupie chick who used to follow his band around from one gig to another. And I do think there should be a distinction between "old friend or co-worker" and "former groupie," because there is a huge difference there. 

I agree. It sounds to me like maybe she thinks she was a much bigger part of his past than she actually was.

 

Doesn't bother me at all when DH meets up with people from his past, including old girlfriends, but this situation strikes me as a little off.

[Farrar]

I'm the one who said it was silly to worry and be suspicious... And I stand by that. Because if it's not silly then it's sad. It's sad that a marriage wouldn't be strong enough for something so mild as a casual comment about lunch and sad that so many people see other women as "predatory" and are so territorial about their husbands. It's also maybe a little sad that something on FB would be so threatening. So, yeah, I hope it was silly and not a real problem in their marriage. Sometimes I have silly feelings of insecurity or suspicion that I then have to shake myself out of and say to myself, come on, be real, be more confident, get over it.

[I.Dup.]

I would want to punch her in the face.

 

She's clearly not asking because of his intellectual prowess. She was his groupie.

 

But that's just me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:hat:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think what may make this situation different from others that have been mentioned here, is that most people who would be comfortable with their dh having lunch with an old friend, or receiving a FB message like Bean received, are talking about their dh's actual friends or former co-workers, not some semi-random groupie chick who used to follow his band around from one gig to another. And I do think there should be a distinction between "old friend or co-worker" and "former groupie," because there is a huge difference there. 

But since the OPs husband doesn't seem to want to pursue it, it seems to be a bit of a moot point from that end.  The OP was asking more about what we thought of the woman even asking.  And that depends.  It may mean that she's just making a general pleasantry that really means nothing because there is no real intent to eat lunch behind it.  It may mean that she's a crazy stalker who is just gotten reacquainted with her target.  It may mean that she just likes to eat lunch and having someone to talk to while she eats is a bonus.  It may mean that she's trolling for a new conquest.  We don't really know.  What do I think of her asking?  Nothing really.  I tend to assume that she was making a general pleasantry.  If she pursued it with further inquiry etc. I might change my mind.  If the person was an interesting one that my dh actually did know, I wouldn't think anything of him meeting her for lunch to catch up.  If he didn't really know her I would be shocked if my dh took the time out of his busy schedule to see her but I wouldn't automatically think that he was trolling for a new conquest himself.  

[ocelotmom]

I hold with my previous opinion comment that I think it's a bit odd. However, I do think that publicly commenting on a post taken with his child is a tacit acknowledgement of the marital status, and I wouldn't find it threatening. Just odd.

[happyWImom]

I'm the one who said it was silly to worry and be suspicious... And I stand by that. Because if it's not silly then it's sad. It's sad that a marriage wouldn't be strong enough for something so mild as a casual comment about lunch and sad that so many people see other women as "predatory" and are so territorial about their husbands. It's also maybe a little sad that something on FB would be so threatening. So, yeah, I hope it was silly and not a real problem in their marriage. Sometimes I have silly feelings of insecurity or suspicion that I then have to shake myself out of and say to myself, come on, be real, be more confident, get over it.

 

I can't believe I am letting myself still get sucked into this, but.....  (I totally blame the PMS) Here goes.

 

That's great that you wouldn't be bothered by it at all, and that you are able to talk yourself out of your insecurities.  But just because the OP is bugged by the whole thing doesn't make her marriage "sad" or not strong!  Every one of us probably has things that bother them that others don't, but so what??  Does that make them silly, threatened, or insecure?  In some people's eyes, maybe.  But, I personally wouldn't share that with them.  It would be enough to just say "It wouldn't bother me at all" without all of the additional stuff that would only make her feel worse.  

[HRAAB]

I can't believe I am letting myself still get sucked into this, but.....  (I totally blame the PMS) Here goes.

 

That's great that you wouldn't be bothered by it at all, and that you are able to talk yourself out of your insecurities.  But just because the OP is bugged by the whole thing doesn't make her marriage "sad" or not strong!  Every one of us probably has things that bother them that others don't, but so what??  Does that make them silly, threatened, or insecure?  In some people's eyes, maybe.  But, I personally wouldn't share that with them.  It would be enough to just say "It wouldn't bother me at all" without all of the additional stuff that would only make her feel worse.  

 

I guess I don't understand why you are so intent on defending the OP when she hasn't had anything further to say herself - unless I missed her post.  She asked a point blank question and got answers.  Some agreed with her and some didn't.  That's what happens when you ask questions on this board.  Plus this is a subject that comes up on a regular basis with pretty much the same outcome.

 

For me, in my marriage, I would be acting silly to get bothered or upset over the incident the OP related - especially after 28 years of marriage.  Those are my honest feelings.  Someone in a different marriage, with a different past, might feel differently.  I think that's okay.  But if you ask on this board, you will get people's honest opinion.  I think the OP wanted honest opinions.

[Erin]

Story:

My husband's girlfriend from high school found him on FB a couple years ago (they hadn't talked in 20 years).  

She started pretty much like the OP; just public comments periodically on his posts or wall.  Then she PMed him a few times, which annoyed me, but he still wasn't thinking much of it.  
THEN she started asking for his cell number.  Wait...What??  

DH was telling me all of this, though we also know each other's log-in info as well.  He even asked me, "Why on earth would she want my number?"

:001_rolleyes:  Trap...seriously?

 

But he knew he didn't want to share that, so he just kept ignoring the request.  However, his younger sister felt free to share it so the ex-girlfriend called one day and they had a good conversation.  i wish I could have eavesdropped.  

Basically it was along the lines of catching up and "oh didn't we have a good relationship??  We just had such a great connection."  

 

To which DH replied that he was a 16 year old boy.  "As I recall, there was only one type of connection I was after."  lol  

 

Apparently that was not what she wanted to hear.   ;)

He hasn't heard from her since, other than a comment on his FB wall now and again.  

(Through all of this, she swore she was happily married, btw.)  

 

 

 

So my point with this is that people just need to be conscious of this stuff.  Discuss with your spouse what your expectations and boundaries are and hold each other to them.   

Other people only seem to slip through when there are no standards...  Just be on the same page, whatever page that might be.

 

 

[Laurie4b]

I agree. It sounds to me like maybe she thinks she was a much bigger part of his past than she actually was.

 

:iagree:  I think this is a key part of the whole thing.

[Aelwydd]

I can't believe I am letting myself still get sucked into this, but..... (I totally blame the PMS) Here goes.

 

That's great that you wouldn't be bothered by it at all, and that you are able to talk yourself out of your insecurities. But just because the OP is bu

gged by the whole thing doesn't make her marriage "sad" or not strong! Every one of us probably has things that bother them that others don't, but so what?? Does that make them silly, threatened, or insecure? In some people's eyes, maybe. But, I personally wouldn't share that with them. It would be enough to just say "It wouldn't bother me at all" without all of the additional stuff that would only make her feel worse.

You are misconstrueing her meaning and assigning negative intent where there is none. The OP asked for opinions. I am not aware of any rules on this board stating that we must all post supportive, affirming thoughts. If the OP had said "just agree with me" and called it a vent, then dissenting opinions would not be shared. But she actively sought others' opinions her, so really the only disrepect I'm seeing here is you chastising others for sharing their honest thoughts.

 

Why go stirring up drama? The administrators/ hosts will do their job if others go too far. The OP hasn't complained. Let people be.

[Runningmom80]

Well, I'd probably start making out with him, because if I feel like someone else is flirting with him, it makes me like him more. :lol:

 

 

Honestly, I wouldn't be bothered by the FB comment. Not sure how i'd feel if he wanted to take her up on it. I'd like to think I'm secure enough to not mind, but see my first comment. :lol:

 

Eta: are we allowed to say that or should I say "crumpets, like what you have with your tea?"

[WishboneDawn]

Could be nothing. Could be a comment meant to open a door and plant some bad seeds. Could be a throwaway comment.

 

At this point you don't know. If it bothered you then keep an eye out for any escalation on her part but others shrug it off. Don't go looking for your husband to treat it very seriously if he hadn't already. Not giving it a second thought is also a reasonable response and one he's entitled to.

[Guest]

I don't know.  I can agree with both sides to this, but I lean more towards it's odd since she was just a groupie, not a friend (from what I can tell).  Even if it were a friend, I don't think DH should agree to meet up with her.  Be careful is all I can really suggest.  As others have posted, "innocent" people have turned out to be not so innocent.

[Carrie12345]

Note to self: Don't post on anyone's FB page if I don't want to be seen as a filthy whore by insecure people.

[unfrumpable.]

Note to self: Don't post on anyone's FB page if I don't want to be seen as a filthy whore by insecure people.

 

hahahaha I was just thinking the same thing!

[unfrumpable.]

I will also admit that I have been unhealthy jealous in the past and it has been something I have had to work hard on over the years.

[WishboneDawn]

I'm the one who said it was silly to worry and be suspicious... And I stand by that. Because if it's not silly then it's sad. It's sad that a marriage wouldn't be strong enough for something so mild as a casual comment about lunch and sad that so many people see other women as "predatory" and are so territorial about their husbands. It's also maybe a little sad that something on FB would be so threatening. So, yeah, I hope it was silly and not a real problem in their marriage. Sometimes I have silly feelings of insecurity or suspicion that I then have to shake myself out of and say to myself, come on, be real, be more confident, get over it.

Some women are predatory. Some people just are that way. Many aren't. No big deal. I've never had experience with a person who might be after my husband, some of the women here seem to. A good deal of the more cautious advice probably comes from wives with that experience.

 

She asked for opinions here to check her own feelings, to give herself a chance to do as you said, get over it. I don't think action is sad or silly or necessarily reflects anything of importance about her or her marriage or those of other women posting.

[Aelwydd]

 

IMO, it was just a comment on Facebook, and all this ensuing angst from it is only more proof to me of the evil that is Facebook. If it were me, it wouldn't rate more than a quirked eyebrow in dh's direction. I have male coworkers who sometimes make flirtatious jokes to me. They are married and I'm married. Nothing will ever come of it because I don't let it ever go any further. No touching or hugging. No time alone. I don't text or call to chat with them. I know it takes heat off them to keep that line clear as well, since I know more than one of them has a jealous woman at home.

 

As far as dh, he has had women express interest in him at work, even asking him out on a date. While married to me. My response was to tease him and laugh about it. I am not a jealous person at all. DH is not my property. And I can't fathom worrying about another woman "stealing" him. Ultimately, I trust him not to cheat.

[Carrie12345]

I will also admit that I have been unhealthy jealous in the past and it has been something I have had to work hard on over the years.

I've had jealousy issues before, but it was helpful to remember they were *my* issues, not dh's. Not some unfairly labelled hussy's. It was my own head.

 

I happen to like lunch. I'd go have lunch with just about anyone, and am just as likely to extend the invitation as accept it. I'm neither a hussy nor an untrustworthy spouse. And, if I were either, I'd expect dh to give me the boot well before anything could possibly happen.

[Catwoman]

Note to self: Don't post on anyone's FB page if I don't want to be seen as a filthy whore by insecure people.

 

I don't think anyone has suggested that the woman is some sort of "filthy wh*re," nor do I believe that those who suggested that the woman may have an ulterior motive are insecure. 

 

And realistically, if you go around posting on the FB pages of men whose bands you followed around from gig to gig many years ago, I wouldn't call you any unpleasant names, but I would certainly say you had way much time on your hands, and that perhaps it was time to get off the computer and meet some new people in real life instead of turning into a FB groupie for a guy you never really knew, and who isn't even in a band any more.