Kids and their electronics in public

[Haiku]

I know, I should probably just mind my own business, but it really annoys me the extent to which I see kids attached to their electronics in public. We were shopping yesterday, and two boys (around 7 and 9) had some sort of mini-tablets. They were blocking the aisle, standing there playing on their tablets, and they were so engrossed they didn't hear me thrice say "Excuse me." I finally had to tap one of them on the arm, and then as I walked by I heard him complain to his brother that I'd messed up his game.

 

Several times we saw the same family in the store, and every time the boys were trailing behind their mother, eyes glues to their screens.

 

This is typical of stuff I see all the time: kids at library groups playing on iPods, kids at restaurants glued to DS devices, kids at the park playing on their phones.

 

I feel like all this teaches kids is that they should be entertained at all times. Shopping is boring? That's ok, here's an electronic device! Don't want to converse with the 'rents at dinner? Video games to the rescue! Those annoying friends hassling you to play? Tune them out with your phone!

 

I don't think this is a good lesson to be teaching kids, that they deserve to be constantly entertained and should never have to be bored.

 

That's all.

 

Tara

[Tita Gidge]

I wish it were only the kids that I see glued to electronics while in public!

[Luanne]

I totally agree with you and it all starts with the parents. I see adults do this all the time. I don't think the adults in this generation in general even bother to teach their children any kind of manners at all though. The electronics thing really bugs me. It is like people don't want to interact with people anymore. They just want to interact with whatever electronic thing they have and that is it.

[azucena]

 

I feel like all this teaches kids is that they should be entertained at all times. Shopping is boring? That's ok, here's an electronic device! Don't want to converse with the 'rents at dinner? Video games to the rescue! Those annoying friends hassling you to play? Tune them out with your phone!

 

I don't think this is a good lesson to be teaching kids, that they deserve to be constantly entertained and should never have to be bored.

 

That's all.

 

Tara

 

 

Agree, agree, a thousand times agree.

[jenn-]

We don't allow electronic devices outside the house for anything other than waiting at doctor's offices and the occasional times they have to wait for Dad to pick them up before gym practice. I have to constantly scowl at my DH when we are eating for turning to his phone for some reason or another.

[Ellie]

I don't think the adults in this generation in general even bother to teach their children any kind of manners at all though.

 

You got that right. I see this every time I go to a restaurant and there are poor children who cannot seem to handle knives and forks or drink out of a glass without a straw or even sit on their bums in their chairs. I could weep for them. :crying:

[TheReader]

I'll be the (first?) voice of dissent here and say that sometimes, you don't know the whole story.

 

Short version: would you rather I allow my son to become agitated and have a meltdown because he shouldn't be on electronics, so that you can complain instead about the unruly behavior you witnessed?

 

We do not allow electronics just willy nilly, but we do use them for the boys, always in situations where we've carefully considered all alternatives. Some examples....

 

clothes shopping: last summer, we were in the US and had to buy jeans for my oldest. We also had to get clothes for the other boys, so it was an 'everybody" trip. In the first store, everyone was fine. In the second, we pulled out a snack of nuts/trail mix so no one's blood sugar would get too low (the youngest gets cranky if he does not eat at regular intervals). The third shop, my husband took the younger 2 boys over to a coffee shop/bookstore to browse books & have a water while I continued, with very little success, shopping for jeans for my "too tall for kid jeans, too skinny for men's jeans" oldest son. The fourth shop we had to leave and go elsewhere, by which point the youngest had exceeded his fill of crowds, noises, etc. and was fast entering sensory overload. He has a whole slew of diagnoses we didn't yet have, but I knew the signs and so at that shop, where we were against the clock (store closed in 30 mins and we had been at this for hours), yes, I brought in his normally used in the car only for long trips handheld electronic device and had him sit at DH's feet, out of the way, and play. If you spotted us while we were all walking from the jean department to the dressing room area, or from the dressing room area to the check-out because we had finally found a pair of jeans, with 5 mins to spare, you would have seen him walking along behind us, eyes glued to his electronics. No doubt you'd have judged me/us as you did the woman in your example. Hopefully hearing my backstory you might have a bit more grace/a little less judgement in our case, in that particular instance.

 

If we'd gone to dinner that night, which we would not have with him already on sensory overload, unless we could not get back home (it was a 45 min drive) before he needed food again, you'd have seen him playing his electronics while we waited for food, too, because while I normally take a bag of hands-on activities for him, it is heavy & bulky and i don't often take it when we are out running errands, which means when we eat out, unplanned, after a long day like that and we're only eating out to try and prevent a meltdown from his blood sugar crash, I don't have his bag of hands-on toys with me. So instead, he is granted (the extremely rare at restaurants) permission to use his electronics, or play a game on DH's phone. Which means if you'd seen us at dinner one of those nights, yep, judgement again.

 

It's rare we'd allow electronics at the park; that one baffles me a bit, but it's not unheard of. I can envision a time when we might need to resort to that. If his brothers both get involved in sports when we get back to the US and he is shuttled between one game to the next with no "down time' to escape from the crowds, I could see us if nothing else letting him play with DH's phone while we wait between games. or, actually, we've often gone as a family over to the empty tennis courts here and whack the ball back & forth. Usually we do this at night, and after he has run around for a good 45 minutes playing and trying to whack balls, he comes and sits down to rest while the big boys get some serious playing in. Depending on how long that takes, and in particular if he wants to sit for a while and let me hit the ball some, yes, I might hand him the phone then, too. Not because he has no ability to sit and be bored, but because the court is far away from anything else, it's dark, and he can't get up and run around w/o being in danger of getting hit by a stray tennis ball. If we were playing ping pong, which is near the playground, no way I'd pull out the phone.

 

Anyway, just some food for thought. My son doesn't have any kind of diagnosis that is visible or recognizable if you meet him casually, so you'd think he's just a neuro-typical child being spoiled, coddled, indulged, "taught that he must be entertained at all times", etc. but I assure you, that is not the case. At least, not for us. Sometimes there really is more to the story than meets the eye.

[Unicorn.]

The ones that really bother me are the bitty ones- like 1 and 2, who are playing on iphones, and tablets. Really? It's just sad. Entertain your child, talk to them, but don't teach them to tune out to the real world at such a young age!

[*Lulu*]

You know what, if you substitute a book for an electronic device, I was that kid. I still would choose a book or tablet over a meal out if given the choice. My mom did not always make me put away my book at family gatherings, meetings, etc. I wonder if people judged her as harshly?

 

I agree that the increase in electronic device usage has created more acceptance of what was previously considered bad manners. I disagree that the electronic devices are the problem. I also disagree that allowing the use of them is poor parenting. Sometimes me allowing my kids the use of an electronic device is an act of kindness toward all the patrons of an establishment. Sometimes my kids are stuck at an event or activity that none of us want to be at out of necessity and we are just trying to make the best of it. Sometimes people have an off day of parenting and sometimes people's parenting style teeters on the edge of raising feral children.

 

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

 

You are now returned to your regularly scheduled mommy-war-judge-fest........

 

 

 

 

Wait. You mean that wasn't where this thread was destined to end up?

 

 

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I don't see anything wrong with a kid playing on a handheld device at a restaurant or in a waiting room, etc. What is the point of making a kid sit doing nothing for a half hour or more in a doctor's office? Sometimes we have had to wait hours. I bring paper, pencils, card games as well as a tablet or phone to play games on.

 

I think it's a problem when someone is attempting to walk and use the device at the same time as then they are even more oblivious than usual to other people (and even more annoying than usual).

 

I think it's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed that someone blocked your way and were so engrossed in their game they didn't hear you say "excuse me" several times. I don't see what that has to do with a kid playing a DS in a restaurant (ftr, I usually bring a pad of paper and a pencil for my son because he loves to draw. ETA: but there have been times that he's the kid glued to his portable gaming system).

[TheReader]

BLA5 -- very good points. Not to mention, that tablet could also be a kindle/nook/or using the nook/kindle app; so just 'cause it's electronic, it could still be a kid reading. Or it could be loaded with educational/therapeutic apps that are geared to help a kid with things like visual-motor coordination, visual tracking, working memory, processing speed, or a whole slew of other things. Even HWT and AAS have apps now so kids can use them on mobile devices.

 

We do take pens/papers along in our normal restaurant bag, and we take brain teaser cards that the whole family can do together (or other small pocket-sized games) so that we get family interaction, but if my youngest is on sensory overload, he needs time to chill & isolate for a bit.

 

I might never take books for him, because with all of his learning challenges I don't know if reading will ever be something he does for fun, assuming that he achieves literacy to begin with....

[Moxie]

The ones that really bother me are the bitty ones- like 1 and 2, who are playing on iphones, and tablets. Really? It's just sad. Entertain your child, talk to them, but don't teach them to tune out to the real world at such a young age!

 

Disagree. When I'm shopping in a limited amount of time, I'm very happy that I have a way to entertain my 3yo in the cart. You've got to do what you've got to do.

[Ellie]

 

Wait. You mean that wasn't where this thread was destined to end up?

 

 

::snort::

[sarahbobeara]

The ones that really bother me are the bitty ones- like 1 and 2, who are playing on iphones, and tablets. Really? It's just sad. Entertain your child, talk to them, but don't teach them to tune out to the real world at such a young age!

 

 

A young mommy I know regularly hands her Iphone and multiple electronic screens (Leapfrog? V-tech? They look like an Ipad but appear to be geared toward young children) whenever either of her boys fuss. The youngest is maybe 15 months and doesn't have a lot of words and is so unhappy whenever she hands him one of these screens. She won't take him out of the highchair to soothe/cuddle him, she just hands him more electronics and his frustration increases. He is LOUD in a restaurant too :ohmy: Maybe she's trying to keep him contained and so in his highchair he shall stay, but I've started bringing board books and army men in my bag for him when I know she'll be attending.

[RoundAbout]

Years ago DH and I were in Spain and saw a family of tourists with a boy about 9 touring the Alcazar in Seville. He was tripping his way through the guided tour with his head down glued to a game system. I mean he was literally tripping because he wouldn't look up. The father looked annoyed at him but I guess it didn't occur to him to take it away. Mostly I thought it was really sad that a boy that age couldn't appreciate the coolness of being in a real castle.

 

Second obnoxious encounter was two preteen girls watching music videos in a sit down restaurant with parents on some sort of device. These were not toddlers, but big kids who were old enough to have conversations and entertain themselves while waiting 20 minutes for food. Plus everyone around them could hear their music. Ugh.

[vonfirmath]

Now that BLA5 mentions it... I did the same thing with books too. Everywhere we went, I had a book. (if I was allowed). i read the book while I waited.

[Unicorn.]

Disagree. When I'm shopping in a limited amount of time, I'm very happy that I have a way to entertain my 3yo in the cart. You've got to do what you've got to do.

 

 

It's amazing how many mothers before you were able to do the same shopping, (in probably even more limited time, as today's time saving devices such as electronic scanners in the checkout, microwaves, etc didn't exist) without the use of electronic devices. You can talk to a kid and entertain them w/out it slowing you down. You can sing the itsy-bitsy spider while scanning the shelves and putting items in your cart. You can hand a 3 yo items to put in the cart, thereby keeping them from getting bored. It's really NOT something you've GOT to do. It's lazy parenting. (go ahead and throw tomatoes-I'll use them to make salsa. :D )

[Zebra]

I think it's bad manners if you are bothering someone else while using your electronic device. If you are getting in someone's way, or blaring something so everyone can hear. But, if a kid is sitting in a cart or off on a bench somewhere with no noise, I really don't care.

[T'smom]

The ones that really bother me are the bitty ones- like 1 and 2, who are playing on iphones, and tablets. Really? It's just sad. Entertain your child, talk to them, but don't teach them to tune out to the real world at such a young age!

 

 

When we go out to eat, I have been entertaining, interacting with, and talking to my children all daylong. Maybe I want a chance to talk to my dh without a constant interruption.

 

My kids have no problems where we would need to use electronic devices. Sometimes I do it anyway. The implication that I'm not interacting with my kids enough is absurd. I'm a SAHM that homeschools. I basically do nothing except interact with my kids.

[J-rap]

I think the whole electronic device era came about so suddenly, parents have figured out yet the best way of dealing with it. Sometimes it's lazy parenting, but sometimes it's just that parents haven't figured out yet what's best. It does bother me sometimes, too. Especially kids texting in the middle of a conversation (yes, adults do that too, though not as much).

[Julie Smith]

I think it's a problem when someone is attempting to walk and use the device at the same time as then they are even more oblivious than usual to other people (and even more annoying than usual).

 

 

 

This. And listening to music on headphones so loudly you can't hear someone right behind you call out.

 

I did get my revenge to someone like this. We have geese near a sidewalk. You need to give these geese distance or they chase you. Someone was walking past. I called out to warn them. They didn't even respond. I called out loudly. They ended up being chased by a couple of angry geese.

 

This isn't our area. But the geese behave the same.

 

[LibraryLover]

sorry. double post

[LibraryLover]

Maybe electronics are God's gift to the introverted. :) Some people detest or fear idle & worthless chit-chat with strangers, and some dread leaving their homes altogether. These things provide a buffer from having to socialize, or check out the junk food in the person's cart in from of you at the market.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

 

It's amazing how many mothers before you were able to do the same shopping, (in probably even more limited time, as today's time saving devices such as electronic scanners in the checkout, microwaves, etc didn't exist) without the use of electronic devices. You can talk to a kid and entertain them w/out it slowing you down. You can sing the itsy-bitsy spider while scanning the shelves and putting items in your cart. You can hand a 3 yo items to put in the cart, thereby keeping them from getting bored. It's really NOT something you've GOT to do. It's lazy parenting. (go ahead and throw tomatoes-I'll use them to make salsa. :D )

 

Ah yes, those amazing mothers of yesteryear. Always patient, always happy to sing itsy-bitsy spider, spending their days talking to and entertaining their kids with nothing breaking their stride... Please, lady.

[T'smom]

 

 

It's amazing how many mothers before you were able to do the same shopping, (in probably even more limited time, as today's time saving devices such as electronic scanners in the checkout, microwaves, etc didn't exist) without the use of electronic devices. You can talk to a kid and entertain them w/out it slowing you down. You can sing the itsy-bitsy spider while scanning the shelves and putting items in your cart. You can hand a 3 yo items to put in the cart, thereby keeping them from getting bored. It's really NOT something you've GOT to do. It's lazy parenting. (go ahead and throw tomatoes-I'll use them to make salsa. :D )

 

Give me a break. It seems to me that you are the one throwing tomatoes. Maybe the mom in the store has already sang itsy bitsy spider 100 times that day and she doesn't want to anymore. It's ridiculous for you to say it's lazy parenting based on seeing one trip to the store.

[Moxie]

 

 

It's amazing how many mothers before you were able to do the same shopping, (in probably even more limited time, as today's time saving devices such as electronic scanners in the checkout, microwaves, etc didn't exist) without the use of electronic devices. You can talk to a kid and entertain them w/out it slowing you down. You can sing the itsy-bitsy spider while scanning the shelves and putting items in your cart. You can hand a 3 yo items to put in the cart, thereby keeping them from getting bored. It's really NOT something you've GOT to do. It's lazy parenting. (go ahead and throw tomatoes-I'll use them to make salsa. :D )

 

OMG, did you just call me lazy?!? I have 5 kids with me at all times. I have a limited window of time to run errands before the infant melts down or we have to get to guitar lessons, etc. Sorry I'm not singing in the aisles. I'm just trying to survive. Lazy parent. I wish!!

[zoobie]

One of my friends posted a rant on FB about kids at a nearby table who were glued to iPads during a meal at a nice restaurant. One of her friends knew that family. The kids were autistic and the iPads enabled the parents to enjoy a nice meal out without disturbing the other restaurant patrons. You just never know.

 

I disagree that it's indicative of lazy parenting. You're seeing a 15 minute snapshot of that parent. Yes, of course people were able to grocery shop before iPads, but trying to shop with littles is one of my least favorite tasks on the planet. I hate shopping as is, so adding having to entertain two small children meant that we'd usually leave the store with only half of what I needed and have to go back AGAIN. An iPad would've been fantastic for me! Easily cut the time in the store by a third, and that extra time would've been spent on something way better than trying to keep one from climbing out, one from eating the list... Women also used to wash clothes in the creek, but my lazy behind really enjoys my washing machine.

[Julie Smith]

This thread makes me think of a scene in the TV show Little House on the Prairie Since they had no electronic devices or other ways to amuse kids and keep them out of trouble they sometimes had to come up with unique means.

 

When someone was watching the youngest and fixing the roof they nailed her dress to the roof. She was in sight and couldn't fall off.

 

Perhaps a play pen and a iPad would have been chosen if they had the choice.

[AnIslandGirl]

It's really NOT something you've GOT to do. It's lazy parenting. (go ahead and throw tomatoes-I'll use them to make salsa. :D )

 

This is my favorite post of the day! Leave the electronic at home and actually interact with your children. What a novel idea! I wish there was a love button!!!

[ChocolateReignRemix]

This thread makes me think of a scene in the TV show Little House on the Prairie Since they had no electronic devices or other ways to amuse kids and keep them out of trouble they sometimes had to come up with unique means.

 

When someone was watching the youngest and fixing the roof they nailed her dress to the roof. She was in sight and couldn't fall off.

 

Perhaps a play pen and a iPad would have been chosen if they had the choice.

 

Mr. Edwards FTW!

[Moxie]

Are you people for real?? You see a child on a screen in public and go right to 'lazy, uninterested parent'?? Is it hard to see the rest of us from your high horse??

[LibraryLover]

This thread makes me think of a scene in the TV show Little House on the Prairie Since they had no electronic devices or other ways to amuse kids and keep them out of trouble they sometimes had to come up with unique means.

 

When someone was watching the youngest and fixing the roof they nailed her dress to the roof. She was in sight and couldn't fall off.

 

Perhaps a play pen and a iPad would have been chosen if they had the choice.

 

I think it's time for this:

 

 

[*Lulu*]

 

It's amazing how many mothers before you were able to do the same shopping, (in probably even more limited time, as today's time saving devices such as electronic scanners in the checkout, microwaves, etc didn't exist) without the use of electronic devices. You can talk to a kid and entertain them w/out it slowing you down. You can sing the itsy-bitsy spider while scanning the shelves and putting items in your cart. You can hand a 3 yo items to put in the cart, thereby keeping them from getting bored. It's really NOT something you've GOT to do. It's lazy parenting. (go ahead and throw tomatoes-I'll use them to make salsa. :D )

 

This is my favorite post of the day! Leave the electronic at home and actually interact with your children. What a novel idea! I wish there was a love button!!!

 

 

 

 

Lazy parenting did not magically appear with the invention of handheld electronic devices. Sorry of that ruins some "golden days of yore" fantasy.

 

If I decide to allow some electronics for whatever reason, it is not automatically lazy parenting. What it is, is me making an informed parenting decision. Period.

 

if you want to go pat yourselves of the backs for being such obviously superior parents, be my guest. Of course if you could do it in a slightly less obnoxious fashion it would be lovely.

 

Crap. Where is Ellie? I have to turn in my Miss Manners badge because I just broke the cardinal rule of manners: the worst manners of all is pointing out the bad manners of others.

[TheReader]

This is my favorite post of the day! Leave the electronic at home and actually interact with your children. What a novel idea! I wish there was a love button!!!

 

 

Sure. 'Cause the *child* never wants or needs a break from interaction, either.

 

Allowing my son space to retreat into his shell is sanity saving for all of us --- me, him, his brothers, and the general public who we share space with. Trust me.

 

A child using electronics is NOT always indicative of a parent who is lazy &/or unwilling to interact with her child. Promise.

 

He & I used to deal with this through baby wearing and extended nursing, but trust me, at 8 he is too old for that particular coping mechanism to work. I refuse to put public (misinformed/misguided) opinion over his &/or my sanity, and I am guessing from the other comments and "likes" in this thread that I'm not the only mom to feel that way.

[Joker]

I honestly don't remember my parents interacting a whole heck of a lot while we ran errands. I do remember once in the store that everyone could do their own thing, so no one ended up bored. Today, most feel it's too dangerous ( and many stores won't even allow it) to let kids wander alone through the store.

 

Sometimes my kids are enthralled with some gadget, game, book, or music and will spend lots of time on it. Then, they'll go weeks or months without it. It's just something that doesn't bother me anymore and I rarely notice that other kids are doing it.

[vonfirmath]

This thread makes me think of a scene in the TV show Little House on the Prairie Since they had no electronic devices or other ways to amuse kids and keep them out of trouble they sometimes had to come up with unique means.

 

When someone was watching the youngest and fixing the roof they nailed her dress to the roof. She was in sight and couldn't fall off.

 

Perhaps a play pen and a iPad would have been chosen if they had the choice.

 

 

I always wondered why that dress didn't tear...

[Mommy22alyns]

Here is my personal experience without reading the rest of the thread. I don't let the girls play on electronics while we're shopping. I will let Sylvia play on the DS if we're in a restaurant passing hours while DH is at work and Rebecca is at gymnastics. Sometimes she'll also get on the laptop. If we were at a true performance, no electronics would be allowed, but I have let Sylvia on the DS at Rebecca's meets because we're there for several hours. So I guess it's about balance and circumstance.

[Haiku]

I knew some people would think I was talking about their kid and their parenting, and really, I'm not. It's just amazing to me that such a high proportion of kids whenever we go out are glued to electronics. I'm sure it's possible that every single one of them comes from a family that has a specific reason why their kid is on electronics at that time, but I actually doubt that's the case. I think most people just either don't think it's a problem (which is fine, I just happen to disagree) or find it the path of least resistance (which is also fine, and feel free to judge me on issues that bother you). I just think it's not a good trend that kids are on electronics all the time. And judging from the amount of threads I see here (ha! here on this electronic thing I'm on!) and on FB, I think the idea that people think electronics usage is out of control is a common one.

 

My kids don't have electronics. I tell my kids that their best toy is their mind, and they always have it, it never runs out of batteries, and it never breaks or gets stolen. My kids get bored and cranky sometimes when we are out. To me, that's life in the big city. I realize other people make different choices, even *gasp* ones I don't agree with!

 

And I don't look at these kids and judge their families and the parenting they are receiving on and individual basis. Really, I don't. I have just noticed a trend over time.

 

Tara

[*Lulu*]

FWIW, Tara, I did not take your initial post as judging. I just have seen enough of these things go down to know it would end up there at some point.

 

The issues you raise in both posts are not new to parenting; what is new is the manifestation of those same issues in the area of electronics usage.

[Joker]

 

My kids don't have electronics. I tell my kids that their best toy is their mind, and they always have it, it never runs out of batteries, and it never breaks or gets stolen.

 

 

Tara

 

 

I actually really agree with this, but what my youngest can do with her mind and the use of an iPad is truly amazing. I can't even figure out how to use some of the programs and apps that she uses, but she makes awesome movies, pictures, and such. It's taken her imagination and creativity to a whole new level. There are many uses of electronics that are worthwhile.

[PachiSusan]

I do have to say that I think I'm one of the unlucky ones in restaurants. In the past month we went out 2 times. Both times we were seated next to a family with one child. The first place was a pizza place and it was a very small family owned place. The little girl (probably 3-4) started asking for the iPad the minute they sat down. It seemed like it was a Gramma, a Mom, and a daughter. The olders were ignoring her. Finally she yelled, "I want to play my game!!!!" and the Mom handed the iPad to her. It was on full volume. Seriously. It was so loud that I could not hear Melissa talking to me. I was too chicken to say anything so I got up and asked if we could move across the room to another table. We did and you could STILL hear it. The manager eventually went over and asked her to turn it down. THe mom was NOT pleased and said, "Seriously?? She's just a kid". He told her that it was disturbing customers and he wasn't asking her to turn it off, but turn it down". She was huffy but she did.

 

Second time we were at Chili's. A couple with a young son was seated directly behind us. It was so loud that everyone in the area was looking at them but not saying a word. It was Angry Birds. The Mom and Dad were actually yelling over it trying to talk but didn't ask him to turn it down. He was 3 or under. I couldn't take it anymore and I leaned over the booth and said "Could you turn that down just a teeny bit? It's really loud". She glared at me and in spanish (probably because she thought I wouldn't understand) said to the boy, "The mean lady at that table said to shut up your game". and she made him turn it OFF. He went into a temper tantrum and was screaming for his iPad. She kept saying "That lady is mad at you" to him. I felt totally bad that she was making me out to be a witch and the bad guy when all I asked was for her to turn it down. If THEY had to scream over the iPad, wouldn't it stand to reason that they know it's pretty loud?

 

I just don't get why whenever kids are playing on the games, why it's got to be so loud in public? That's my beef. I understand that people use them for different reasons, heck I'm hooked into my iPhone a lot. No judgement there. However, when it's at ear splitting decibels, I think it's fair to ask them to turn it down, right?

 

In this instance, moving is rude and asking to turn it down is rude. So , do you lump it, or risk being seen as rude? SIGH. Modern living. LOL

[*Lulu*]

Actually, asking someone if they mind turning down a device, or moving if stopped in front of you is not rude at all. If the person you make the request of makes a horse's behind out of themself it is thier problem, not yours. (Assuming that you were not in some way obnoxious about the way you made the request)

[PachiSusan]

Actually, asking someone if they mind turning down a device, or moving if stopped in front of you is not rude at all. If the person you make the request of makes a horse's behind out of themself it is thier problem, not yours. (Assuming that you were not in some way obnoxious about the way you made the request)

 

 

OH, I agree with you in principle. In reality, it seems that you can say something as nice as pie and if someone is ready to be offended, they will be and let everyone else around them know just what an a$$ YOU were for saying something to them. :(

[*Lulu*]

 

 

OH, I agree with you in principle. In reality, it seems that you can say something as nice as pie and if someone is ready to be offended, they will be and let everyone else around them know just what an a$$ YOU were for saying something to them. :(

 

 

True, and I really used to worry about it. I think somewhere around the sleep deprivation with child #3 my give-a-damn broke and I just never put in the work order to get it repaired. :p

 

 

 

I have the overwhelming urge to go watch Steel Magnolias and cheer on Ouiser and Clarie. :p

[Dahliarw]

We do have a rule of no electronics at the table. When we're eating it's family time. Restaurants included. But we've been taking my kids to restaurants regularly since they were babies, and they are used to it. We do allow coloring and such as it is provided by the restaurant. Now, if we were on vacation and had to eat at the restaurant and had a kid who is ready to melt down, we may change our rule as an exception, but in general eating is family time for us, tome to converse. Though I don't judge others who choose differently.

 

I do allow electronics when one child is waiting for another and there is not that much to do. For example, at swim lessons when you are next to a big pool and there is no room to play or at gymnastics where there really isn't much to do but sit and watch for an hour. But, I also bring things like coloring books and card games, and my kids can choose (I keep a bag of random "waiting time" stuff in my car at all times - including headphones for the electronics so we're not rude and noisy!).

[AndyJoy]

When we go out to eat, I have been entertaining, interacting with, and talking to my children all daylong. Maybe I want a chance to talk to my dh without a constant interruption.

 

My kids have no problems where we would need to use electronic devices. Sometimes I do it anyway. The implication that I'm not interacting with my kids enough is absurd. I'm a SAHM that homeschools. I basically do nothing except interact with my kids.

 

 

:iagree:

 

My DS doesn't get a lot of screen time, but when he does, it's because it is convenient for me not because he demands it or I "have" to entertain him electronically. We are near-constantly talking, interacting, pretending, etc. all day. Sometimes I let him do electronic things when my mind is elsewhere because I'd rather interact with him with my full attention. Thus, I let him use electronics during those times so I can get my things done more quickly and we'll have more time to just be together later.

 

We have a BBQ restaurant in town that has televisions at each booth. When DH and I want a cheaper date night we let Phineas and Ferb babysit DS for an hour and a half while we have a real conversation. Between that and a $1.49 side of macaroni and cheese, DS is super happy and we get to reconnect.

[AndyJoy]

It's amazing how many mothers before you were able to do the same shopping, (in probably even more limited time, as today's time saving devices such as electronic scanners in the checkout, microwaves, etc didn't exist) without the use of electronic devices. You can talk to a kid and entertain them w/out it slowing you down. You can sing the itsy-bitsy spider while scanning the shelves and putting items in your cart. You can hand a 3 yo items to put in the cart, thereby keeping them from getting bored. It's really NOT something you've GOT to do. It's lazy parenting. (go ahead and throw tomatoes-I'll use them to make salsa. :D )

 

I personally CANNOT "talk to a kid and entertain them w/out it slowing you down." My DS literally talks 75% of the time that he is not using electronics or eating or sleeping (even then he slips some speech in). He repeats himself constantly, even if you answer him! DH's ringtone is a recording of DS at 2.5 saying, "Please talk to me! Please talk to me! Please talk to me!" We're working on it, but he is 3 and has boundless energy. It grates on my sanity and makes me forget things. Like today at the grocery store, when I was talking to him, letting him help me fill the cart, etc. I forgot about sour cream and had to walk back completely across the store. Then, I actually checked out without the green pepper I had wanted. Why? Because he was talking, talking, talking, talking, and there are only so many things I can think about at a time. I'm not able to (or willing to) completely tune him out so that I can focus completely. So I definitely would be able to shop more quickly if I handed him a device.

 

Are your kids completely screen free, even at home? If they aren't, I guess that's "lazy parenting" too. There is ALWAYS something else one could be doing rather than using electronics. I'm "lazily" responding to this thread while DS watches Magic Schoolbus. Just because someone lets their kid use electronics in public doesn't mean they are constantly glued to it all the time. At home, one could constantly sing, do chores, talk, etc. to their kids for the entire day, but I doubt that is typical. Our day is much more varied for everyone's sanity. So far today we've made breakfast, tie-dyed shirts and underwear with a friend, played in the mud, ridden scooters, swung, picked up a library book, gone grocery shopping, and eaten lunch. I doubt many people would criticize me for the 1 hour of TV DS is getting now. If I had chosen to use the grocery store for his screen time, why would that be worse? Is the grocery store inherently a more important place for us to interact than our living room? If a mom can get her groceries purchased (or bills paid, or errands run, or dinner made) more quickly if she lets that be her child's screen time, she could have more time later to interact with them with her full attention.

[Tita Gidge]

PachiSusan, that sort of thing has happened to me on airplanes also.

 

I must be a walking ad for Murphy's Law B)

 

I'm not much into electronics myself, but I have very tech-y friends who have effortlessly eased into the same digital age that I'm resisting.

 

I'm not anti-electronics, and while I don't make them readily available to my own kids ... I'm not necessarily in judgement of others who do.

 

Other things I don't make readily available to my kids, but hold no judgement of others who do: nutella. scary movies. crocs. christian music.

 

I still reserve the right to be annoyed, though ;) directly about the lack of eye-contact and awareness of self-while-around-others, and indirectly about how the new norm is to trade quiet moments of thoughtful boredom for the constant engagment and inundation of information.

 

And last week on my flight I was annoyed by the child in the row behind me whose game was obnoxiously loud. His parents had planned for this by bringing their Beats, alas I missed the memo and had only my rubber ear plugs. These successfully block out the dull drone of the engines, but not the high-pitched roars of the video game. Now, I realize that headphones don't always fit on kids' heads. I realize kids don't always like wearing them, even if they DO fit. I realize that a video game without the background din is like watching tv on mute: what's the flippin' point? And yet I also realize that this isn't the problem of people I'm sharing immediate space with. I figure out how to meet my desires/needs/wishes while respecting that I'm not an island unto myself at this particular moment.

 

I'm not special because I have a kid. That's the mentality that bothers me; electronic devices are just the avenue in which it's being exhibited IYKWIM. (Adding: and not use in general! This was in response to those whose frustration I share when electronics become noise pollution or people using them become walking hazards through the inability to efficiently multi-task walking and digital-whatevering!)

[PrairieSong]

I have the same reservations as Tara does about the amount of electronic usage in our culture, about the trend, not any one person or family in particular. Our kids are ages 29 down to 13, so when the older ones were young most of this stuff had not been invented...no cell phones, hand held gaming systems, and the like. I still just have a simple flip phone for talking and texting and we have never owned a handheld game boy, etc. I am not supermom by any stretch of the imagination. It's just a choice we have made. One reason I didn't want this stuff is because I saw other kids (whom I knew well, not strangers in stores) spend hours on it. I saw and heard them, and heard their parents talk about it. My nephew was so hooked on his Gameboy that when we took him camping with us (without his parents), he did not want to go exploring with our kids and his brothers. He wanted to sit and play his Gameboy, which we had put away. He sulked, but did end up having a good time playing outside and going swimming in the lake with us. I could not see letting him sit in a chair with his game on a beautiful, sunny day at the lake. Other friends of one of our sons were masters at playing Halo. They could beat all their friends, and would have Halo marathons. It seemed like it was all they wanted to do, even into their 20's. I am wary of the addictive nature of it, and what is lost NOT doing other things.

 

I will try not to judge the mom letting her kid play an electronic game in public, but I will wonder. Is the trend a good thing? Goodness knows I like my computer! However, I have never taken it with me into a store or restaurant. I don't see the need. I have gone on overnight trips with only my flip phone. We took our kids to the mountains for a few days at a time with no Internet or electronics other than simple cell phones. It was peaceful.

 

I also wonder about the glut of information bombarding us constantly via instant news, Facebook, etc. I have happily blocked many of my FB friends (thank you, Hive!) just because I didn't need or want to know the details of so many people's lives, but that's a whole 'nother ball of wax.

 

ETA: Thank you to whoever posted about kids with autism or other diagnoses. It's good to keep that in perspective. Also I realize I may sound like I am up on my high horse for not allowing as many electronic as some others might, but I truly do NOT feel or want to appear superior. I'm just another mom trying to make the best decisions I can with the information available. And I'm old. ;-)

[BarbecueMom]

I'm trying to figure out what item I should have handed my kids from the Lowe's cart on our fifth &$%! trip of the weekend to keep them entertained. Spray paint cans? Circular saw blade? Crow bars? Unsealed bag of bulk carriage bolts? Blackberry bush? Wasp spray?

 

We're the annoying family that brings picture book read alouds to restaurants. We encourage table side reenactment of key scenes.