Why is our culture so AFRAID all the time?

[Joanne]

 

 

For the umpteenth time, the overall average is irrelevant. There are many places where crime is quite a bit higher than it was in the past. If you don't believe me, here's another source.

 

Or, maybe, we just see the situation differently even though we understand the content of your osts.

 

[Word Nerd]

 

For the umpteenth time, the overall average is irrelevant. There are many places where crime is quite a bit higher than it was in the past. If you don't believe me, here's another source.

 

I disagree that the overall crime rate is irrelevant. It is relevant to the broader discussion.

[MomtoCandJ]

I think it just depends on where you live, I feel safe letting my four year old play by herself in my yard (really don't think some one is going to hike through a swamp to get into my yard, it's the only way to get in besides the drive way). But I wouldn't at dbil's (Flint) or my uncle Jerry's (Saginaw).

[unsinkable]

I think it just depends on where you live, I feel safe letting my four year old play by herself in my yard (really don't think some one is going to hike through a swamp to get into my yard, it's the only way to get in besides the drive way). But I wouldn't at dbil's (Flint) or my uncle Jerry's (Saginaw).

 

Thanks for the Saginaw mention...cuz now the song's in my head again...LOL

[clarkacademy]

I don't know why everyone is so careful I know why I am careful. I don't feel that I am paranoid either. Yes I am over protective. You hear these stories all the time. Yes they are a one in a hundred or whatever but that parent thought the same thing. That mother of the little girl in Walmart didn't expect that day some sicko was gonna grab her daughter practically raping her in the garden section. That mother who let her little boy walk a block over to go play didn't expect the teenage pastors sons to attack sexually assault and murder him. These parents never guessed it would happen to them. But it can happen to anyone at any time. Then the damage is done. It is your child that suffers for the rest of their life. It is your child lieing in a coffin. It is you as the parent who will say to yourself for the rest of your life if you just wouldn't have etc. but by then it is too late the damage is done. I cannot control everything but I can do my utmost best to protect them.

[Crimson Wife]

The overall average maybe irrelevant to parents who make their decision based upon where they live...but violent crime decreasing is a good thing, IMO.

 

It is a good thing for people who are living where crime is actually decreasing. I am glad that our country's inner city ghettos are becoming a bit less like a war zone. Not so happy that some of the crime has relocated to previously safe suburbs.

[Crimson Wife]

 

I disagree that the overall crime rate is irrelevant. It is relevant to the broader discussion.

 

Just like in real estate, what matters is what is going on in your little neck of the woods. If housing prices are down in your neighborhood, you're not going to put your house on the market just because the national median sales price has gone up. Similarly, if crime has gone up in your area, you're not going to be reassured by statistics showing that the national crime rate has decreased.

[LucyStoner]

 

For the umpteenth time, the overall average is irrelevant. There are many places where crime is quite a bit higher than it was in the past. If you don't believe me, here's another source.

 

An 16% increase in the burbs reflects far fewer crimes than a 16% decrease in the cities because the number of crimes in the burbs was so much lower. Here, gang activity has increased on the edges of the suburbs. Gang activity has little to do with the sort of predatory sexual crimes people repeatedly cite.

[LucyStoner]

Well, I see the other side of this having struggled with it myself. It's the WAY the child dies that people are talking about. A car accident is one thing... your child spending it's last few hours at the hand of a murderous pedophile-- completely different story.

 

I don't think any parent here is stunting their children's normal growth. Nor do I believe any parent is to blame if their child does get murdered. Let's give everyone the benefit of the doubt (not directed just at you). As somebody stated up thread... we all have to make the choices we feel best for our child/situation.

 

One, I disagree that it makes sense parents worry less about drowning and car accidents then crime. I care most about what is more likely to happen which harms my children. Parents often greatly underestimate the risk of sexual abuse by family and friends and greatly OVERestimate the rate of stranger abduction. I care about keeping my kids safe, period. Over focusing on the rare while minimizing and perhaps missing the more common keeps kids less safe and is IMO part of why so many kids fall victim to sexual abuse from people their parents know and trust. Because parents literally don't consider their families and friends to be a risk.

 

Two, I think parents refusing to let tweens and teens do developmentally appropriate activity on their own does stunt their kids growth. We have vastly extended adolescence, into the 20s in more and more families. I don't think that does a young adult any favors. I am not saying that anyone here is doing that (I have no idea - I've never met any of y'all!) but I see parents do it all the time IRL- older kids and teens never having done anything without adult supervision. Not caught a bus, walked a mile to the store, babysat, walked 1/4 mile home from school etc. That is the sort of stuff I was referencing when I said I wouldn't stunt my kids growth. Don't get me wrong, I am protective. I just tend to think differently about what is a risk.

[Jane in NC]

I think parents refusing to let tweens and teens do developmentally appropriate activity on their own does stunt their kids growth. We have vastly extended adolescence, into the 20s in more and more families. I don't think that does a young adult any favors. I am not saying that anyone here is doing that (I have no idea - I've never met any of y'all!) but I see parents do it all the time IRL- older kids and teens never having done anything without adult supervision. Not caught a bus, walked a mile to the store, babysat, walked 1/4 mile home from school etc. That is the sort of stuff I was referencing when I said I wouldn't stunt my kids growth. Don't get me wrong, I am protective. I just tend to think differently about what is a risk.

 

Those of us who have taught in college see this. This goes beyond kids who don't know how to operate a washer and dryer. Unfortunately some young people have not been allowed to make decisions and, when they finally need to do so, they make some stinky ones.

 

Age appropriate is key. We are safety freaks in some respects, say when working on electrical or chemical things. I wear a bike helmet, for Pete's sake, which most adults do not do. But my desire to take safety precautions did not prevent me from allowing my preteen son from biking to a friend's house.

[Word Nerd]

Just like in real estate, what matters is what is going on in your little neck of the woods.

 

Of course! I think we have 100 percent agreement in this thread that specifically where a family lives is one of the biggest factors that influences parental decisions about this issue. I said just that in my very first post. However, the overall decrease in crime rate is still relevant to the discussion, especially as it regards the overall generalization that there are more predators lurking behind the bushes now than when we were kids.

[Firefly]

One, I disagree that it makes sense parents worry less about drowning and car accidents then crime. I care most about what is more likely to happen which harms my children. Parents often greatly underestimate the risk of sexual abuse by family and friends and greatly OVERestimate the rate of stranger abduction. I care about keeping my kids safe, period. Over focusing on the rare while minimizing and perhaps missing the more common keeps kids less safe and is IMO part of why so many kids fall victim to sexual abuse from people their parents know and trust. Because parents literally don't consider their families and friends to be a risk.

 

Two, I think parents refusing to let tweens and teens do developmentally appropriate activity on their own does stunt their kids growth. We have vastly extended adolescence, into the 20s in more and more families. I don't think that does a young adult any favors. I am not saying that anyone here is doing that (I have no idea - I've never met any of y'all!) but I see parents do it all the time IRL- older kids and teens never having done anything without adult supervision. Not caught a bus, walked a mile to the store, babysat, walked 1/4 mile home from school etc. That is the sort of stuff I was referencing when I said I wouldn't stunt my kids growth. Don't get me wrong, I am protective. I just tend to think differently about what is a risk.

 

 

We'll have to agree to disagree about the first paragraph. As someone who WAS molested by a family friend, I most certainly DO consider friends and family a risk. It's not either or. Some just feel that no risk is small enough for the abduction/rape/murder scenario, if your kid is that one. It's the worst way you can imagine your child dying. Drowning? Car accident? Though statistically more likely to happen (and also horrible), not nearly as frightening. Again, I am saying this as a parent who is pretty free-range. I just understand the other side, because I fought my own conflicting feelings about it when they were young.

 

There's nothing I disagree with in the second paragraph. FTR I was talking about little ones, not pre/teens.

[wendyroo]

You hear these stories all the time. Yes they are a one in a hundred or whatever but that parent thought the same thing.

 

 

One in a hundred???

A child's chance of dying in a car accident is about 1 in a 100. A child's chance of dying in any sort of suicide or homicide is (round numbers) about 1 in a 100.

 

http://www.childdeathreview.org/nationalchildmortalitydata.htm

 

There is a lot of room for debate as to how many kids are abducted each year, but one number I have found thrown around a lot is about 115 stranger abductions a year in the US (~60% of those kids make it home alive). There are about 75 million children in the US. That is a 1 in 652,174 chance of my child being abducted.

 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/26/us-usa-missing-children-idUSBRE83P14020120426

http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/tables/pop1.asp

[wendyroo]

You hear these stories all the time. Yes they are a one in a hundred or whatever but that parent thought the same thing.

 

 

One in a hundred???

A child's chance of dying in a car accident is about 1 in a 100. A child's chance of dying in any sort of suicide or homicide is (round numbers) about 1 in a 100.

 

http://www.childdeathreview.org/nationalchildmortalitydata.htm

 

There is a lot of room for debate as to how many kids are abducted each year, but one number I have found thrown around a lot is about 115 stranger abductions a year in the US (~60% of those kids make it home alive). There are about 75 million children in the US. That is a 1 in 652,174 chance of my child being abducted.

 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/26/us-usa-missing-children-idUSBRE83P14020120426

http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/tables/pop1.asp

[wendyroo]

You hear these stories all the time. Yes they are a one in a hundred or whatever but that parent thought the same thing.

 

 

One in a hundred???

A child's chance of dying in a car accident is about 1 in a 100. A child's chance of dying in any sort of suicide or homicide is (round numbers) about 1 in a 100.

 

http://www.childdeathreview.org/nationalchildmortalitydata.htm

 

There is a lot of room for debate as to how many kids are abducted each year, but one number I have found thrown around a lot is about 115 stranger abductions a year in the US (~60% of those kids make it home alive). There are about 75 million children in the US. That is a 1 in 652,174 chance of my child being abducted.

 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/26/us-usa-missing-children-idUSBRE83P14020120426

http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/tables/pop1.asp

[clarkacademy]

 

One in a hundred???

A child's chance of dying in a car accident is about 1 in a 100. A child's chance of dying in any sort of suicide or homicide is (round numbers) about 1 in a 100.

 

http://www.childdeat...rtalitydata.htm

 

There is a lot of room for debate as to how many kids are abducted each year, but one number I have found thrown around a lot is about 115 stranger abductions a year in the US (~60% of those kids make it home alive). There are about 75 million children in the US. That is a 1 in 652,174 chance of my child being abducted.

 

http://www.reuters.c...E83P14020120426

http://www.childstat...tables/pop1.asp

 

 

Well, thats great to know. I'll be sure to say this to all the people who have kids missing. They may be grateful to know what lottery they won. They didn't plan to be that person yet they are. I don't see the big issue in not wanting to be that number and doing everything you can to make it not happen. I am sure those kids who were taken wish now their parents would have watched them a bit closer. I am sure the parents who lay awake at night wondering what is happening to their kid wish they had too. You can throw out anything you want, any reason any exuse but when it happens the result is the same. I don't care if it is 1 in a hundred or 1 in a billion I don't want my kid to be that 1.

[Luanne]

I think that is about how far the 10 year old girl had to walk to get to her friend's house to walk to school when that guy kidnapped her and killed her. I guess some people really don't want to take that kind of chance. I know I wouldn't.

[Mommy22alyns]

I choose to err on the safe side, but I'm not a super helicopter parent either. There is a space in between. Rebecca has 3 hour practices at her gym, and we just drop her at the door and pick up when she's done. Team girls are special and recognized there, and they have a special entrance. The girls play outside in the back yard alone, but we have about 2 neighbors and a very small road, and our backyard is very large and not adjoining a road. I don't care to judge what other parents let their kids do.

[lea_lpz]

:)

[lea_lpz]

 

 

One in a hundred???

A child's chance of dying in a car accident is about 1 in a 100. A child's chance of dying in any sort of suicide or homicide is (round numbers) about 1 in a 100.

 

http://www.childdeathreview.org/nationalchildmortalitydata.htm

 

There is a lot of room for debate as to how many kids are abducted each year, but one number I have found thrown around a lot is about 115 stranger abductions a year in the US (~60% of those kids make it home alive). There are about 75 million children in the US. That is a 1 in 652,174 chance of my child being abducted.

 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/26/us-usa-missing-children-idUSBRE83P14020120426

http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/tables/pop1.asp

 

Thanks for bringing some stats versus hysteria and speculation to this argument :)

[LaughingCat]

IMO the horrific images the words "abducted child" bring to mind is a big part of the reason people freak over abduction. By comparison, the words "car accident" generally bring to mind an image closer to "fender bender" which is a far cry from the horrible reality of an car accident death.

[Laura Corin]

Well, thats great to know. I'll be sure to say this to all the people who have kids missing. They may be grateful to know what lottery they won. They didn't plan to be that person yet they are.

 

Is this any different from the parent who drives her child out for an ice-cream, when that unnecessary trip leads to the child's death? Yes, the parent would regret that particular trip. Most parents would not be wracked by guilt at ever having taken the child for unnecessary car rides, however. Good things can carry a small risk. This is just life.

 

My children have grown through the freedom that they have. I've seen it.

 

Laura

[clarkacademy]

Is this any different from the parent who drives her child out for an ice-cream, when that unnecessary trip leads to the child's death? Yes, the parent would regret that particular trip. Most parents would not be wracked by guilt at ever having taken the child for unnecessary car rides, however. Good things can carry a small risk. This is just life.

 

My children have grown through the freedom that they have. I've seen it.

 

Laura

 

 

Taking a kid for ice cream is a bit different than I was too lazy to watch my kid now they are gonna pay for my choice for the rest of their life. I don't care how grown any ones kid is to be truthful. I have seen the kids that are not watched. My kids are happy in the life that my mom takes care of us and don't push us to grow up too fast because she wants too. I won't regret going for ice cream if my kid gets killed in a wreck that isn't my fault. I will have guilt if my kid gets taken, molested, raped, beaten or killed because I figured my time was more important spent elsewhere. Again I don't care what stats you guys have or how well adjusted your kid is I care about mine and mine are safe and sound. My kids will grow up untouched because they are watched. i would rather be over protective and have them grow up than the opposite.

[Laura Corin]

Taking a kid for ice cream is a bit different than I was too lazy to watch my kid now they are gonna pay for my choice for the rest of their life.

 

 

Thank you for assuming that I choose to give my children their freedom because I am too lazy to watch them. I hope that other members of this board, include those who have met me in person, have a different opinion of my character.

 

Laura

[Guest inoubliable]

Thank you for assuming that I choose to give my children their freedom because I am too lazy to watch them. I hope that other members of this board, include those who have met me in person, may have a different opinion of my character.

 

Laura

 

 

You've never struck me as a lazy parent. I have no idea where the PP was getting that from, but it was incredibly rude and a shitty thing to say.

[nmoira]

Thank you for assuming that I choose to give my children their freedom because I am too lazy to watch them. I hope that other members of this board, include those who have met me in person, have a different opinion of my character.

 

Heck, there's been more than one occasion that I've wished you'd been my mum. I'm not even half joking.

[Laura Corin]

Heck, there's been more than one occasion that I've wished you'd been my mum. I'm not even half joking.

 

 

Aw, come over and play in the woods with my boys....

 

Laura

[Elinor Everywhere]

Taking a kid for ice cream is a bit different than I was too lazy to watch my kid now they are gonna pay for my choice for the rest of their life. I don't care how grown any ones kid is to be truthful. I have seen the kids that are not watched. My kids are happy in the life that my mom takes care of us and don't push us to grow up too fast because she wants too. I won't regret going for ice cream if my kid gets killed in a wreck that isn't my fault. I will have guilt if my kid gets taken, molested, raped, beaten or killed because I figured my time was more important spent elsewhere. Again I don't care what stats you guys have or how well adjusted your kid is I care about mine and mine are safe and sound. My kids will grow up untouched because they are watched. i would rather be over protective and have them grow up than the opposite.

 

 

Wow, this is so offensive!! Because some parents believe in letting their kids grow up and take gradual and increasing responsibility for their lives, we are lazy??? When my kids were young, they were watched. As they grew, I played out the line a little bit at a time, more and more. They are now 15, and yes, they DO walk to school (together) in the mornings. I just can't see sending them off to college in 3 years when I won't even let them walk a mile.

 

 

Thank you for assuming that I choose to give my children their freedom because I am too lazy to watch them. I hope that other members of this board, include those who have met me in person, have a different opinion of my character.

 

 

 

I'll vouch for you. :)

[clarkacademy]

Thank you for assuming that I choose to give my children their freedom because I am too lazy to watch them. I hope that other members of this board, include those who have met me in person, have a different opinion of my character.

 

Laura

 

 

I don't know if your lazy or not and I made no assumption about you. I didn't state you are a lazy parent. If you took my statement that way then perhaps that is your own thoughts. I don't know you I just know that the kids who run wild in these parts have parents who think what they need to do is more important than watching their kid. I on the other hand feel that nothing is more important than that. Every parent does what they feel is best. I just know that if my kid comes up on the six o'clock news as missing it sure won't be because I chose not to watch them. Kids can grow without being put at risk.

[Laura Corin]

I don't know if your lazy or not and I made no assumption about you. I didn't state you are a lazy parent. If you took my statement that way then perhaps that is your own thoughts.

 

 

Nope, can't get me that way. Uptight I may be; lazy I'm not.

 

ETA: but seriously for a moment. You have experience of people who don't get off their backsides to watch their kids; you are talking to people who have reasoned parenting philosophies that include more freedom than you are comfortable with for children. You are using evidence of the former to argue with the latter.

 

Laura

[clarkacademy]

Nope, can't get me that way. Uptight I may be; lazy I'm not.

 

ETA: but seriously for a moment. You have experience of people who don't get off their backsides to watch their kids; you are talking to people who have reasoned parenting philosophies that include more freedom than you are comfortable with for children. You are using evidence of the former to argue with the latter.

 

Laura

 

I am just not letting my kids run wild is all. I watch them all the time yes. I know where they are and who they are with all the time. I don't let 50 different people take care of them not even family really. They are not out all hours of the night with nothing to do. Have I dropped my teen off at a library for a few hours? Yeah I have. I know the librarians and I know she won't try to go outside. Does my teen babysit? Yeah but not for strangers not ever. Do my kids have a ton of sleep overs? No not at other peoples houses. My oldest daughter has one place she can sleep over that is with my "adopted daughter" She has a single dad and we kind of share her so when he has her he usually has my bio girl too. I don't see evil everywhere but I am darn well gonna do the best I can to protect them.

[Luanne]

I grew up in the 70s and 80s. At the age of 5, I would walk up town with my 7 year old neighbor and spend a few hours. There were just as many sickos then as now. There were just as many abductions then as now. The difference being the media attention paid and our fear levels. I am working on letting my kids have more freedom. We live in an average suburban town. My kids are 8 and 11. They're allowed to walk to dogs over to the next block. The fear is holding our kids back and it is causing issues with their development. They are growing up with an inability to think for themselves and care for themselves. So, which is worse? Taking the 1 in a million+ chance that something will happen to your kid, or having a kid who is fearful and unable to mature normally? I'm working on it myself.

 

I also grew up in the 70s and 80s. There may have been as many sickos then as now, but people looked after each other's children better then. Our neighbors looked out for us and my parents looked out for other neighbor's children. I have not found that to be true at all anymore. I would never have expected any other person in our neighborhood to look out for my daughter because people don't want to get involved anymore in anyone else's life. ... this is just my experience.

[Luanne]

I think the thing that is difficult for people to realize is that the world isn't the same place it was when we were growing up. Mothers stayed home with their children and that doesn't happen much anymore. I know there are a lot of people on here who stay home with their children, but this is the exception rather than the rule. People are so caught up with their own lives that they don't even interact with each other like they used to. We were very close with our neighbors growing up and now people hardly even know what their neighbor's name is.

[LucyStoner]

 

 

Taking a kid for ice cream is a bit different than I was too lazy to watch my kid now they are gonna pay for my choice for the rest of their life. I don't care how grown any ones kid is to be truthful. I have seen the kids that are not watched. My kids are happy in the life that my mom takes care of us and don't push us to grow up too fast because she wants too. I won't regret going for ice cream if my kid gets killed in a wreck that isn't my fault. I will have guilt if my kid gets taken, molested, raped, beaten or killed because I figured my time was more important spent elsewhere. Again I don't care what stats you guys have or how well adjusted your kid is I care about mine and mine are safe and sound. My kids will grow up untouched because they are watched. i would rather be over protective and have them grow up than the opposite.

 

You are not immune to what you fear (your child being one of the dozens of children who are abducted by strangers each year) because you watch your children closely. Wow.

 

Polly Klass and others were taken right from their homes, in the dead of night. Other children have been abducted while their parents are RIGHT there. The man who tried to abduct me did so at night, at home. He didn't succeed in getting me out, but he got into a locked house. If it happens, it is a tragedy and rarely a preventable one. Don't be so callous as to blame the parents of children who go missing. It's actually a rather offensive and ignorant statement. There's really no other way to say it. You are fooling yourself if you think you are safer and you are being extraordinarily disrespectful to the families of actual victims.

[Lara in Colo]

I also grew up in the 70s and 80s. There may have been as many sickos then as now, but people looked after each other's children better then. Our neighbors looked out for us and my parents looked out for other neighbor's children. I have not found that to be true at all anymore. I would never have expected any other person in our neighborhood to look out for my daughter because people don't want to get involved anymore in anyone else's life. ... this is just my experience.

 

 

The sad part of this is everyone is not only too busy, but also AFRAID. They don't want to be sued.

 

We keep talking about how we are afraid for our children's safety, but there are other fears we have as a society as well.

[shinyhappypeople]

I am just not letting my kids run wild is all. I watch them all the time yes. I know where they are and who they are with all the time. I don't let 50 different people take care of them not even family really. They are not out all hours of the night with nothing to do.

 

My kids don't run wild. They're responsible, well-behaved people.

 

Have I dropped my teen off at a library for a few hours? Yeah I have. I know the librarians and I know she won't try to go outside.

 

Teen Assaulted in Falls Church Library

 

Teen S*xually Assaulted at Queens Library

 

Bettendorf Man Arrested for Assault at Library

 

I'm kind of just messing with your head. My point is this: There is the (remote) possibility of something awful happening anywhere. Make parenting choices you're comfortable with, work to raise strong, self-assured children and then go forward with confidence. No need to be defensive and tear down other parents just because they make different choices.

[Joanne]

Taking a kid for ice cream is a bit different than I was too lazy to watch my kid now they are gonna pay for my choice for the rest of their life. I don't care how grown any ones kid is to be truthful. I have seen the kids that are not watched. My kids are happy in the life that my mom takes care of us and don't push us to grow up too fast because she wants too. I won't regret going for ice cream if my kid gets killed in a wreck that isn't my fault. I will have guilt if my kid gets taken, molested, raped, beaten or killed because I figured my time was more important spent elsewhere. Again I don't care what stats you guys have or how well adjusted your kid is I care about mine and mine are safe and sound. My kids will grow up untouched because they are watched. i would rather be over protective and have them grow up than the opposite.

 

 

Holy wow. You make some assumptions and leaps and jumps with this (and your other) post. Seriously, dude. We aren't even having the same conversation, even though we are in the same thread.

 

What you assume and assert are not an accurate match for me, my choices, and the situation. I can't even respond to your content because it is so off the mark.

[Joanne]

I think the thing that is difficult for people to realize is that the world isn't the same place it was when we were growing up. Mothers stayed home with their children and that doesn't happen much anymore. I know there are a lot of people on here who stay home with their children, but this is the exception rather than the rule. People are so caught up with their own lives that they don't even interact with each other like they used to. We were very close with our neighbors growing up and now people hardly even know what their neighbor's name is.

 

 

This post is full of mixed details, inaccurate information presented at facts, and assumptions presented as justification.

[Orthodox6]

I think the thing that is difficult for people to realize is that the world isn't the same place it was when we were growing up. Mothers stayed home with their children and that doesn't happen much anymore. I know there are a lot of people on here who stay home with their children, but this is the exception rather than the rule. People are so caught up with their own lives that they don't even interact with each other like they used to. We were very close with our neighbors growing up and now people hardly even know what their neighbor's name is.

 

 

This was the white, middle-class America in which I grew up. She did not post "inaccurate information presented as facts" nor "assumptions presented as justifications". This is how the world genuinely was for that particular socioeconomic/ethnic environment. I doubt that the poster is so foolish as to believe the entire world is white, middle-class, and American. She simply wrote of what she experienced. I, and so very many others, lived that same experience.

[caroljenn]

You guys can bash me all you want that's fine. I don't really care - I just know that in my neck of the woods, no one ever would let two 6 year olds walk a mile anywhere. Just wouldn't happen. I have lived here all my life and I used to walk to school every day. I would ride my bike around our large neighborhood and end up 8-9 streets over from my house and ride back safely. All of us kids used to trick or treat alone and we would hang around in the streets in my neighborhood eating ice cream from the ice cream man and stuff like that.

 

But you really don't see this kind of thing as much around here anymore. It is extremely rare to see a lone child walking somewhere. I have seen 2, probably in the last 12 years that I have lived in my city - a city, by the way, that is one of the safest in California. Both kids were 8 or 9.

 

I am very glad there are places in America where you can still let your 6 year olds walk around by themselves, but it is not here.

[Joker]

Caroljenn, I think many have agreed there are places that aren't as safe as others, and that parents have to make their own decisions. The bashing was about you saying the blame is definitely on the parent if something happens to their child because they've allowed them to walk somewhere alone. I was overprotective of my dds when they were six, but they walk around the neighborhood, to school, and to the store now at 10 and 13. If something happened to them, I don't need you to blame me because I will blame myself. It wouldn't be my fault, though, and my fear doesn't stop them from growing up and needing to become independent.

[bettyandbob]

 

 

Do my kids have a ton of sleep overs? No not at other peoples houses. My oldest daughter has one place she can sleep over that is with my "adopted daughter" She has a single dad and we kind of share her so when he has her he usually has my bio girl too. I don't see evil everywhere but I am darn well gonna do the best I can to protect them.

 

 

You soundly judge people for making a logical parenting choice to allow dc age appropriate independence to help them develop decision making skills. You say you are protecting your dc. And now you say you teen dd has sleepovers supervised by a single adult male who is a close family friend. Because close family friends are trusted. Isn't that a common refrain in sex abuse cases. So I will suggest your parenting decisions are highly suspect as well.

[Catwoman]

This was the white, middle-class America in which I grew up. She did not post "inaccurate information presented as facts" nor "assumptions presented as justifications". This is how the world genuinely was for that particular socioeconomic/ethnic environment. I doubt that the poster is so foolish as to believe the entire world is white, middle-class, and American. She simply wrote of what she experienced. I, and so very many others, lived that same experience.

 

 

Same here. Her post rang pretty true to me.

 

I know that many people didn't grow up that way, but I don't think she was assuming that they did. I could be mistaken, but I got the impression that she was speaking from her own personal experience.

[Word Nerd]

Pointless. Never mind.

[Catwoman]

Let's all stop bashing each other.

 

We're reaching a point where people on both sides of the issue are calling each other bad parents, and I don't think that's an assumption that any of us should be making about anyone else here.

 

We may not all agree with each others' choices, but I don't think we need to be nasty or accusatory about it.

 

We're all parents who love our kids. None of us wants to see anyone's children get hurt in any way. Maybe that's what we should be focusing on, instead of nitpicking about if, when, and where we should allow our kids to go, and at what age.

 

Can't we just assume that each parent is doing what's best for her own family? Because I truly believe that we are all trying to do what's best.

[Mergath]

My kids will grow up untouched because they are watched. i would rather be over protective and have them grow up than the opposite.

 

 

It would be nice if that was the case, but sadly, being very protective and watching your child every second still can't protect them from everything. Kids have been taken from their bedrooms ten feet from the parents. You just have to find a happy medium, and learn to accept that bad things are going to happen and so it's important to enjoy the good parts of life. I don't know about you, but when parents suffocate their kid trying to keep him safe, no one's enjoying much of anything.

[TXBeth]

Kids can grow without being put at risk.

 

Actually, no. No, kids can not grow without being put at risk. You weigh the risks, try to mitigate them to some extent, choose which ones you are more comfortable with. But if you want your child to grow and mature, there will be risk involved, and it is foolish, naive, even dangerous to think otherwise.

[Just Kate]

http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Hockley-man-set-to-die-Tuesday-for-1995-murder-of-1785382.php

 

This girl was playing across the street from our house, and the killer lived just a few doors down. It was a long, long, time before I relaxed enough to let the kids out of my sight, so I can understand both views.

 

Oh my goodness... This is so heartbreaking. I don't blame you at all for not letting your children out of your sight. What a horrific thing to happen to a little girl.

[LucyStoner]

Let's all stop bashing each other.

 

We're reaching a point where people on both sides of the issue are calling each other bad parents, and I don't think that's an assumption that any of us should be making about anyone else here.

 

We may not all agree with each others' choices, but I don't think we need to be nasty or accusatory about it.

 

We're all parents who love our kids. None of us wants to see anyone's children get hurt in any way. Maybe that's what we should be focusing on, instead of nitpicking about if, when, and where we should allow our kids to go, and at what age.

 

Can't we just assume that each parent is doing what's best for her own family? Because I truly believe that we are all trying to do what's best.

 

 

I fail to see how pointing out the callousness of blaming parents for crimes which are almost always unforeseen is nitpicking. To say nothing of the supreme hubris of claiming that they and any other non-lazy parent can keep their kids 100% safe. Um, no.

[SKL]

I think most folks here are just trying to figure out the true risks of their neighborhoods and react sensibly.

 

However, there are a couple here who seem to be reacting to sensationalism instead of reality. The idea that the bushes along the sidewalks are just full of murderous pedophiles waiting to spring out at the first child who comes along . . . . This kind of thinking helps nobody and can hurt.

 

The other day I saw an actual news story of a Texas woman having a hissy fit because it took the cops 16 minutes to show up after two people called 911. The 911 calls were based on the fact that a man was standing in the parking lot of a school / daycare center. Turns out the man was a new member of the school's cleaning crew. He wasn't doing ANYTHING wrong or scary or suspicious. (Oh, sure, the hysterical mom caller accused him of wringing his hands and putting them in his pockets, whatever that's supposed to mean.) This mom was practically in tears, scared her son over nothing, and caused the kids to have to come in from recess and the school to be locked down! Then she berated the cops, whose explanation for "taking so long" was that they were pulling a body out of a lake. She found that offensive. How could pulling a body out of a lake be as important as arresting a man for the crime of standing in the parking lot of his workplace?

 

Some people really need to take a breath. Yes, crime happens, and there are risks, however minute. However, the vast majority of people and places are safe for kids, and would be far more likely to protect than to hurt a kid. And also, the vast majority of kids who have been hurt (myself included) are not destroyed for life. In my own case, I would have been much less likely to be a victim had someone talked to me beforehand about how to identify pervs and be proactive about personal safety. You know, like when the guy offered me liquor and used adult language with me at age 12, I wish I'd known that was perv behavior and cut it off right there. I could always leave, but I wish I'd had the sense to leave before he touched me and made me feel disgusting. Still, I came out in one piece and hopefully a bit wiser.

 

I don't know, though, if it's worth discussing this with people who want to believe that walking down an average residential street in broad daylight (with a sibling, no less) is a grave danger for a child.