Why is our culture so AFRAID all the time?

[Maela]

I grew up in the 70s and 80s. At the age of 5, I would walk up town with my 7 year old neighbor and spend a few hours. There were just as many sickos then as now. There were just as many abductions then as now. The difference being the media attention paid and our fear levels. I am working on letting my kids have more freedom. We live in an average suburban town. My kids are 8 and 11. They're allowed to walk to dogs over to the next block. The fear is holding our kids back and it is causing issues with their development. They are growing up with an inability to think for themselves and care for themselves. So, which is worse? Taking the 1 in a million+ chance that something will happen to your kid, or having a kid who is fearful and unable to mature normally? I'm working on it myself.

 

I love this!

[magnificent_baby]

I live in such a dense suburban area that the elementary school is the biggest in the district and only pulls from a 2 mile square. There are no crossing guards on the 4-lane road the school is on, and therefor kids are NOT ALLOWED to walk to school without parents.

 

Not only do parents drive their kids to school in huge quantities, they even drive their kids TO THE BUS STOP! I have lived in 2 neighborhoods in the same elementary school district. first i was in a townhouse neighborhood that had a covered bus stop. One of the moms lived within sight of the bus stop and still drove her kid in her SUV to the bus stop, and the kid waited in the car for the bus. In my current subdivision, in bad weather i was sometimes the ONLY mom who would walk to the bus stop instead of drive, to pick up my kids after school.

 

oh, the bus driver WILL NOT LEAVE kindergarteners unless the parent is there or another adult who is on the pre-approved list. If you want someone else to meet your child at the bus stop, you have to call at least 2 days ahead of time to get that approved. If an approved person is not at the bus stop, the driver takes the kindergartener back to school and the cops are called. this is the safest place i have ever lived and this is NUTS! i lived in a really poor small town . .. nothing like that.

 

 

Have not read through the whole thread but wanted to comment on the bold. Neighborhood kids have been let out at our stop more than a few times when they were to go to afterschool care. It can get confusing for teachers and bus drivers to keep track where kids go that day (it can really vary depending on the parent schedule). When that happens, I take them in and keep them until their parents get home. The families with kids on our street are very close, so they are so grateful the times it has happened. I am the only stay at home parent on the block, and I can't imagine how scary that would be for the kids if they were locked out of their home.

 

I think this is really a good idea, although the 2 day notification and calling the cops is over the top.

[magnificent_baby]

Yet, incontrovertibly, these things did happen.

 

The world is just as wicked now as it was when I was young. The wickedness, however, is more openly audacious. That influences me to be more cautious. My children did/do not have so much out-of-the-house freedom as I did in the 1960s.

 

 

:iagree:

[caroljenn]

 

Riding in a car to school or anywhere else can cost your child his/her life as well—and the risk of that happening is exponentially more than that of being abducted. How is it naive for me to weigh the risks and let my DDs walk to school but not naive for me to weigh the risks and decide to drive them there?

 

The problem lies in the fact that you are not there to protect your child. If your dc walks to school, a freak pulls up in a car or jumps out of a bush, grabs the child and drives away, you were not there to prevent or stop it. Of course, your generic freak or weirdo wouldn't even TRY to grab a child with the mommy right there.

 

If you drive your child in the car and get into a car accident, I'm going to assume that there wasn't any negligence on your part. Accidents happen. There really is not a connection- they are two completely different scenarios.

 

Seriously- have you never heard of Jaycie Dugard? Samantha Runnion? Jacob Wetterling? Jaycie was walking to the bus stop. She was tazered and kidnapped and held for 18 years. Samantha was playing with a friend outside of her grandmother's apartment. She was found raped and murdered the next day. Jacob was riding his bike on a country road. He has never been found. All seemingly doing "safe" things, in "safe" neighborhoods.

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

[Orthodox6]

I do not believe the world is worse or that there is a significant percentage more of people who want to hurt children now. I think these crimes are regularly reported now. I think some crimes were never reported because it was somehow a shame on the victim/victims family. My fil was raped by a family friend who took him to see a movie as a treat. He was young, but he did tell his parents. They were upset, but they did nothing because it would make their own family look bad. I think significant numbers of crimes were never reported for these reasons.

 

I agree with you. In my earlier post I added only the observation that crimes seem more reckless and openly bold than they used to be.

[*Michelle*]

You want your kids to have freedom, but then this happens in your town.

[Catwoman]

I agree with you. In my earlier post I added only the observation that crimes seem more reckless and openly bold than they used to be.

 

I think part of the reason why they are more reckless and openly bold is because in the days before the internet, the freaks didn't have a lot of support from other freaks, but now there are online groups where they can all get together and share tips and stories and brag about their perversions. It's almost like they can feel "normal" because there are a bunch of other lunatics in their online group that all get off on the same sick stuff.

[Guest inoubliable]

 

 

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

 

Tad over the top, don't you think? It's exactly this sort of "zomg, kidnappers!" mentality that makes people too afraid to have a life.

[unsinkable]

 

 

The problem lies in the fact that you are not there to protect your child. If your dc walks to school, a freak pulls up in a car or jumps out of a bush, grabs the child and drives away, you were not there to prevent or stop it. Of course, your generic freak or weirdo wouldn't even TRY to grab a child with the mommy right there.

 

If you drive your child in the car and get into a car accident, I'm going to assume that there wasn't any negligence on your part. Accidents happen. There really is not a connection- they are two completely different scenarios.

 

Seriously- have you never heard of Jaycie Dugard? Samantha Runnion? Jacob Wetterling? Jaycie was walking to the bus stop. She was tazered and kidnapped and held for 18 years. Samantha was playing with a friend outside of her grandmother's apartment. She was found raped and murdered the next day. Jacob was riding his bike on a country road. He has never been found. All seemingly doing "safe" things, in "safe" neighborhoods.

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

We could play tit for tat all night long where I list moms and kids killed together and kids snatched from their beds but you've made up your mind.

[Supertechmom]

The problem lies in the fact that you are not there to protect your child. If your dc walks to school, a freak pulls up in a car or jumps out of a bush, grabs the child and drives away, you were not there to prevent or stop it. Of course, your generic freak or weirdo wouldn't even TRY to grab a child with the mommy right there.

 

If you drive your child in the car and get into a car accident, I'm going to assume that there wasn't any negligence on your part. Accidents happen. There really is not a connection- they are two completely different scenarios.

 

Seriously- have you never heard of Jaycie Dugard? Samantha Runnion? Jacob Wetterling? Jaycie was walking to the bus stop. She was tazered and kidnapped and held for 18 years. Samantha was playing with a friend outside of her grandmother's apartment. She was found raped and murdered the next day. Jacob was riding his bike on a country road. He has never been found. All seemingly doing "safe" things, in "safe" neighborhoods.

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

 

Emphasis mine as I want to address this one point (I'm going to agree to disagree with the rest)-

 

Yes they would. Your presence will not ensure safety. I have had two attempts on my children. Both times I was there. I don't want to go into too many details because I don't want IRL buddies to make a connection but yes, twice I had people attempt to remove my children in my presence. Each time, cops were brought in by security, surveillance tapes pulled, warnings put out. Just being there does not mean you will never have someone grab a child and make a break for it.

 

Even more reason why every time I go out with my kids, I talk out loud of the things I am doing for security - "oh see that man just standing around over there, let's go this way and take this door instead of passing by him" "hmm.. let's stop a moment and let this person pass us before we go to our car" "hmm.. that lady looks like she is going to try to hit us up for donations in the parking lot, let's stand here for a moment in the big wide space and tell her no go the other way" (recent robberies involved a woman approaching for donations and then a second person joins them when you are between the cars). "Sorry person, we can't accept candy" "excuse me you are in my personal space, step back" Constant out loud chattering/talk about do this/do that. This walkway is overgrown and poorly lit. let's take the other that is clear" "Let's take that walk in the woods but we have our emergency pack, phone, and whistle and mace and walking stick. Never know when you might need to fend off wild dogs or beat the hell out of someone. Be prepared." The opportunities for someone suspicious do not come up often, but when they do, I talk out the thought process if possible and do a brief explanation when we are in the car about why I did what I did.

 

How else will anyone learn to be safe and take precautions if no one tells them? I'm not hiding in my home. I do take precautions, I do analyze the risk and I do know when I need to not do something or go some place. My children are a blank slate on that knowledge though. I feel I should impart as much of that to my children as possible. It may just come in handy one day.

[bettyandbob]

My goodness I guess it's my fault if my child gets hit by lightning too.

 

If something happened to my child I think I would second guess every decision I ever made until I died, but do I blame the parents (THE MOMs ) in these stranger abductions Jaycee Dugard , etc. NO I do not blame them.

[renmew]

I don't know how to quote on my phone, but this is in response to the pp a few spots up.

 

It is not a parents' fault when a bad person swoops in and hurts their kid. What a terrible thing to say. Kids must learn to be independent at age appropriate times, and that is going to different for each family and location. But, it has to happen eventually.

 

When is the right age to walk to school? I walked home in middle school and high school. If something had happened to me, it would not have been my mom's fault for not picking me up from school when I was 17 years old. College girls have disappeared, too. Were they not old enough? Kids need skills and self-help tools. That will keep them safer than anything short of keeping them at home forever.

 

[unsinkable]

My goodness I guess it's my fault if my child gets hit by lightning too.

 

If something happened to my child I think I would second guess every decision I ever made until I died, but do I blame the parents (THE MOMs ) in these stranger abductions Jaycee Dugard , etc. NO I do not blame them.

 

You are to blame if you let them go out in a rainstorm with an umbrella...LOL

 

(((Betty))) I hope things are well with you and yours!

[Lara in Colo]

Where does one get the tools?

Is there a website where I can get the correct things to tell my children what to look for?

 

Like the PP said about the dark bushes and weird people, where can we get the "stuff to look for" ??

[Anne in CA]

It is the same with leaving older children in the car. Several years ago I left my 16yo dd and 9yo ds in the car with my 4yo dd. At Albertsons. In the most boring neighborhood in the area. For less than five minutes. With the doors locked on a very rainy day. None of the kids wanted to get wet walking into the store. I ran in for something and when I got back a dogooder had told them she was going to call the police if she saw it again. Seriously??? They were in a locked car and the oldest was much bigger than me. It was the most stupid thing.

[Guest inoubliable]

Where does one get the tools?

Is there a website where I can get the correct things to tell my children what to look for?

 

Like the PP said about the dark bushes and weird people, where can we get the "stuff to look for" ??

 

http://bit.ly/16Fwu5X

[bettyandbob]

You are to blame if you let them go out in a rainstorm with an umbrella...LOL

 

(((Betty))) I hope things are well with you and yours!

 

I actually hate umbrellas. Partly because most of my rain experience seems to be storms and I'm not going to hold a metal rod in the air in a storm. I also don't like them because then I only have one hand free. So, all raincoats I purchase have hoods. I have a quasi trench style with a hood. I look for years for that before replacing a coat I had in high school. So, I am a little loony about umbrellas. I don't think my kids have ever had umbrellas.

[Guest inoubliable]

It is the same with leaving older children in the car. Several years ago I left my 16yo dd and 9yo ds in the car with my 4yo dd. At Albertsons. In the most boring neighborhood in the area. For less than five minutes. With the doors locked on a very rainy day. None of the kids wanted to get wet walking into the store. I ran in for something and when I got back a dogooder had told them she was going to call the police if she saw it again. Seriously??? They were in a locked car and the oldest was much bigger than me. It was the most stupid thing.

 

Geesh. People are nosy and ridiculous, aren't they? I have horrified some people by admitting that I... let the baby nap alone in their room while I took a shower! *gasp* I actually had people tell me that someone could have broken into the house and taken my sleeping infant while I was showering. Some people... *shrug*

[unsinkable]

 

 

I actually hate umbrellas. Partly because most of my rain experience seems to be storms and I'm not going to hold a metal rod in the air in a storm. I also don't like them because then I only have one hand free. So, all raincoats I purchase have hoods. I have a quasi trench style with a hood. I look for years for that before replacing a coat I had in high school. So, I am a little loony about umbrellas. I don't think my kids have ever had umbrellas.

 

Well, then there you go! It's not your fault if your kids get hit by lightning!

 

I like umbrellas to get from car to house if I am surprised by rain. For long term, outdoor in rain, I like ponchos.

[Orthodox6]

For long term, outdoor in rain, I like ponchos.

 

:001_smile: . . . remembering the poncho of my childhood. I have not seen one for sale in decades.

[Joanne]

 

Seriously- have you never heard of Jaycie Dugard? Samantha Runnion? Jacob Wetterling? Jaycie was walking to the bus stop. She was tazered and kidnapped and held for 18 years. Samantha was playing with a friend outside of her grandmother's apartment. She was found raped and murdered the next day. Jacob was riding his bike on a country road. He has never been found. All seemingly doing "safe" things, in "safe" neighborhoods.

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

 

 

*sigh*

 

You are proving the point of media-induced frenzy, not making a case for actual risk.

 

I have shed actual tears, and lost actual sleep over victimized children. But please, look at the names you offer with an informed, critical, reasoned mind.

 

The "risk" you assess to be present and the risk that IS present are not the same.

[Joanne]

It is the same with leaving older children in the car. Several years ago I left my 16yo dd and 9yo ds in the car with my 4yo dd. At Albertsons. In the most boring neighborhood in the area. For less than five minutes. With the doors locked on a very rainy day. None of the kids wanted to get wet walking into the store. I ran in for something and when I got back a dogooder had told them she was going to call the police if she saw it again. Seriously??? They were in a locked car and the oldest was much bigger than me. It was the most stupid thing.

 

 

My 16+ year olds could DRIVE to Albertsons and go grocery shopping.

 

In fact, it was on my 2 oldest's to do list today.

[Supertechmom]

well. I don't know where the "tools" come from but I do know it involves allowing your child to act on gut instincts. Even if I couldn't explain why I didn't want to be around certain people or certain family members, I was allowed to follow that instinct. *I* was respected in that sense. No pushing me to like them, no pushing me to be with them because they were so and so or any of that. Just a polite excuse given and even my whacked crazy mom would supply cover excuses and give me things to do that would remove me from that person. Now sometimes as I got older, I was told to suck it up as being in the same room was polite and I couldn't just be blatantly rude for a non substantiated gut feeling. But it would have never involved forcing me to be alone or in contact beyond sitting in the same room and having a polite conversation. I was taught some basic manners after all. But if I never warmed up to hug or kiss a family member that was okay. Honoring that I believe led me to believe in *myself* and not cause me to second guess myself when I have that gut instinct warning bell go off.

[Word Nerd]

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

 

And I can't believe you're that hysterical over the fact that my kids walk two blocks to school, so I guess we're even.

[GSOchristie]

We have actually been more careful about the people we *know* than the unknown. We have heard, and lived, more horror stories about family members/friends than strangers. I let my kids play in the front yard while I walk in and out of the house repeatedly for 30 sec-1 min. We live on a cul de sac so there is no traffic, and I leave the door open. However, I would not have done this at our other house in this same neighborhood. We lived on a busier street that had few kids, and our neighbor was a sketchball (whose son actually asked my then 4 year old to show him his privates in exchange for using his sword :( ). I really want to get that book someone suggested, I think making them aware is a huge step in keeping them safe.

[kitten18]

It is the same with leaving older children in the car. Several years ago I left my 16yo dd and 9yo ds in the car with my 4yo dd. At Albertsons. In the most boring neighborhood in the area. For less than five minutes. With the doors locked on a very rainy day. None of the kids wanted to get wet walking into the store. I ran in for something and when I got back a dogooder had told them she was going to call the police if she saw it again. Seriously??? They were in a locked car and the oldest was much bigger than me. It was the most stupid thing.

Aaaaaahhhhhhh, craziness!!!!!!! (I need smilies but I'm on my phone).

[KungFuPanda]

Perhaps adults have always had this level of anxiety about children's safety, but we're just noticing it now because we're OLD.

 

We were free range kids growing up, but we ranged about with at least one other sibling and two German shepherds. I'd probably let my 9-year-old walk that block with a friend, but not alone. I don't think it's even legal to leave a kid that age alone in a car while you go into the store.

 

The kids in my neighborhood do walk to school, but the elementary kids generally have someone with them. The teens walk alone.

[momtoamiracle]

well I lived deep in the country in the 70's and for a time we weren't allowed to walk to school. There was a rapist loose that broke into and raped a 70 yr old woman. And then there was the child that was found tortured and killed in the woods. No one even knew who he was.

 

 

When things happen like that in your own neck of the woods, you tend to be more cautious. I try to keep my eye on my son at all times, or at least within hearing distance.

 

I don't think that is being too fearful, not in this day and time.

[momtoamiracle]

I am trying to loosen the reigns somewhat with my children as they age. However it all depends on the place. I don't even let my kids play in my mom's front yard because she lives on a very busy, main road. I do not let my kids wonder around a store alone. Frankly, I don't even want them on a different aisle out of eyesight.

 

I have begun to let them walk the dog down the street in our neighborhood and up to their friends house about 6 long doors down. We each have at least .5 acre across per yard. But, not knowing where my kids are for long periods of time (or even short periods of time), no way, no how.

 

Had I done what you did, I would have been worried the entire time my child was gone, and probably called the class to make sure she was there.

 

We live in a jacked up world. It's not just the media. There are some major freaks out there. Things I used to do, like shop at night, I just don't do anymore. Places that were once safe ARE NOT SAFE anymore.

 

 

I won't go in the store after 5pm, not unless dh is with me. I feel totally not safe after then, and I live in a town of about 20,000. We've had too many purse snatchings and robberies in the walmart parking lot. It wasn't like that 20 yrs ago when I first moved here. Drugs have almost taken over our town. It's really sad how bad it is here now. Just last week there was a shooting at one of the schools.

 

people are crazy.

[unsinkable]

Do people think those of us who lean more free range think bad stuff has never happened to us or near us?

 

I'm a mom with high school sons. One of the most notorious crimes to happen to a mom with high school sons around here was when a boy killed his entire family because supposedly his mom wasn't going to pay for college.

 

So by the above logic, I should make sure to pay for college for my sons to keep myself safe. I know this isn't about children, but I need to keep myself safe, too, right?

[Guest inoubliable]

 

So by the above logic, I should make sure to pay for college for my sons to keep myself safe. I know this isn't about children, but I need to keep myself safe, too, right?

 

 

Of course! You don't want to end up like that Lizzy Borden's folks, do you??? Self preservation, woman!

[SKL]

 

The problem lies in the fact that you are not there to protect your child. If your dc walks to school, a freak pulls up in a car or jumps out of a bush, grabs the child and drives away, you were not there to prevent or stop it. Of course, your generic freak or weirdo wouldn't even TRY to grab a child with the mommy right there.

 

If you drive your child in the car and get into a car accident, I'm going to assume that there wasn't any negligence on your part. Accidents happen. There really is not a connection- they are two completely different scenarios.

 

Seriously- have you never heard of Jaycie Dugard? Samantha Runnion? Jacob Wetterling? Jaycie was walking to the bus stop. She was tazered and kidnapped and held for 18 years. Samantha was playing with a friend outside of her grandmother's apartment. She was found raped and murdered the next day. Jacob was riding his bike on a country road. He has never been found. All seemingly doing "safe" things, in "safe" neighborhoods.

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

How do you sleep at night? Don't you remember Elizabeth Smart? Shasta and Dylan Groene? Polly Klaas? What about the prisoner who was just in the news today, who abducted a mom and daughter when they were TOGETHER going to the car after gymnastics (then murdered the mom and raped the daughter)?

 

The problem with the type of thinking your posts reflect is that you seem to think that if you pull the reins in tightly enough, at some point you have control over everything bad that could happen to your child. It ain't so. And sooner or later that's going to be hard for both you and her to deal with.

 

Personally I don't believe parents are charged with the duty of constantly worrying about things that are unlikely to happen. Our main duty is to get our kids ready for independent living.

[mommymilkies]

Where does one get the tools?

Is there a website where I can get the correct things to tell my children what to look for?

 

Like the PP said about the dark bushes and weird people, where can we get the "stuff to look for" ??

 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363660017&sr=8-1&keywords=Protecting+the+gift

[Dandelion]

Coming to this party late.... Haven't read all the replies yet.

 

To the OP's original question, I think parental fear is so prevalent now due to a multitude of factors. The constant barrage of news stories about child abductions, entire programs dedicated to reporting on crimes against children, the weakening of community support networks (i.e. people aren't as close to their neighbors as they used to be, or often don't even know them), and the increasing trend towards helicopter parenting are just some.

 

I was a free-range, latch-key kid from the age of 8 on. I was an only child of a single mom, and there just was no other option for us at the time. This was in the 70's-80's in a small town in Germany. I rode my bike to school (15 min. bike ride away) after mom had already left for work, got myself home after school, and played with my friends in the neighborhood until mom got home several hours later. We would often ride our bikes into the woods behind our neighborhood and play there. I still remember this one time in the woods (when I was around 9 years old) when a guy ran out from behind some bushes in only his underwear. We hopped on our bikes and tore out of there - but it didn't really change our habits much. We just avoided that particular area of the woods for awhile, but none of our parents decided to keep us home or start monitoring our whereabouts (and yes, we did tell them). Yes, it was a bit freaky - but ultimately, we just laughed it off and went on with life. Different times.

 

DS9 has Asperger's and is very trusting/naive so I've had to be more of a helicopter parent than I would like with him. DD4 (soon to be 5) has excellent instincts about safety and people so I will be able to give her more independence as she gets older. I think balance, common sense, and tailoring your approach to each child's abilities is key.

[lea_lpz]

Do people think those of us who lean more free range think bad stuff has never happened to us or near us?

 

 

 

Let's see, I live in a suburb about 20 miles from a fairly large city in a moderate size town, with a population of just under 40,000.

 

We've lived here 3 years, going on 4, and since we've been here...

 

A women blew her brains out in a parking lot the first week we moved here.

 

About a year and a half ago, a teenage girl was abducted walking to her bus stop in a rural neighborhood one morning. She has never been found but the suspect is in custody. He's not giving up where the girl is.

 

In the same year, a 14-year old girl was shot and murdered because she left a school dance to sneak off to a party. Turns out the older sibling at the birthday party was a gang member and a rival gang shot at the group when they were outside. The 3 young adults, I believe between the ages of 17-21, were arrested before they had a chance to leave town.

 

Last week I saw a report that a women working at well known, very reputable, and probably the pricest child care center was putting large doses of benedryl in the children's juices to make them groggy and nap. She was immediately dismissed and is being charged with child endangerment.

 

This is scary crap. It's horrible. But I will still stick with the fact that I can't allow my children to live in fear and shelter them to an extreme where it cripples their ability to be independent. I am going to continue to let them have age appropriate independence if they can be safe, responsible and follow my rules.

 

I totally agree with the poster who said her father taught her to be alert, aware of her surrounding, trust her instincts and to be aware of what would likely deter a potential perpatrator and those are things I teach my children and will continue to teach them in age appropriate chunks. I fully intend my daughter for instance to take a self defense class as an adolescent and before she's allowed to drive alone I want her to know how to change her on flat and do other basic auto repair so she isn't stranded or dependent on a guy to come by and help. I will also make her very aware of how to ward off a sexual predator.

 

I can't gaurentee her or my sons safety. No one can. I can try my best to make my kids capable, independent, responsible adults. And that's it.

[Halcyon]

My kids are 10 and 7, and I let them roam around our neighborhood (pretty much countryside) with each other. They like wandering up the creek, finding sticks for their forts, and looking for bugs. I let them go for 20-30 minute intervals, and they often take the dogs with them. It was hard for me at first (and much harder for DH) but we live in a very quiet area and I think it's important for them to learn independence. They feel PRIDE when they return to share what they did with me.

 

We are thinking of getting older a phone for these little outings, but we don't get much reception where we live.

[Joker]

 

The problem lies in the fact that you are not there to protect your child. If your dc walks to school, a freak pulls up in a car or jumps out of a bush, grabs the child and drives away, you were not there to prevent or stop it. Of course, your generic freak or weirdo wouldn't even TRY to grab a child with the mommy right there.

 

If you drive your child in the car and get into a car accident, I'm going to assume that there wasn't any negligence on your part. Accidents happen. There really is not a connection- they are two completely different scenarios.

 

Seriously- have you never heard of Jaycie Dugard? Samantha Runnion? Jacob Wetterling? Jaycie was walking to the bus stop. She was tazered and kidnapped and held for 18 years. Samantha was playing with a friend outside of her grandmother's apartment. She was found raped and murdered the next day. Jacob was riding his bike on a country road. He has never been found. All seemingly doing "safe" things, in "safe" neighborhoods.

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

 

If it's the parent's fault when something bad happens after they've let their child walk to school, whose fault is it when a child dies during a home invasion - or a car accident - or a complication due to illness or surgery - or a million other things?

 

I want my children to know they can do things on their own before college. It is not easy and I worry, but I feel it's important for them to know they can walk the 1.5 miles to the store, or walk the quarter mile to school, or go on the overnight school field trip. I was very protective when they were younger and I'm not free range now, but at some point they have to start doing some things we're not really comfortable with because they're growing up.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I do have to say that one thing different from when I was a child is that there are fewer parents at home to watch out for each other's kids. When I walked to school, I almost never walked by myself. There were usually 4-5 kids walking if not right with me, near me. We also knew most of the families on the way. There were blocks full of moms watching the parade of kids. There was some community responsibility. We also knew that when we played outside, all parents were watching out for kids - maybe not every minute, but if your child was not at home, you could call any neighbor and they would know where your child was. Also, since every kid was outside, there was some safety in numbers.

 

While I lament kids not walking to school, it is really about parents being too lazy to get out of their PJs to walk with them. I really wanted to applaud this one mom who had a young one in the stroller and walked her kindy kid to school this morning. It wasn't the greatest weather, but she was a trouper and was a good example for her son. Why not have neighborhood moms take turns escorting kids to school? It seems that the fact that people are so scared becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Fewer kids are allowed to be outside, so it creates a less safe situation since there are fewer eyes on what is happening out there.

[kitten18]

To Halcyon: You could try a walkie talkie set. I'm sure they could have a lot of fun with that anyway.

 

Meant to quote, on my phone.

[misty.warden]

Do people think those of us who lean more free range think bad stuff has never happened to us or near us?

 

I'm a mom with high school sons. One of the most notorious crimes to happen to a mom with high school sons around here was when a boy killed his entire family because supposedly his mom wasn't going to pay for college.

 

So by the above logic, I should make sure to pay for college for my sons to keep myself safe. I know this isn't about children, but I need to keep myself safe, too, right?

 

Sometimes it is so hard to rationally discuss fears because a lot of really bad things could happen...the chances are just so infinitesimally small that I choose not to worry about them.

 

When I had my first child my mom was horrified to find out that I would put the baby down for a nap and take the baby monitor out in the backyard to read or garden. Someone could break into the house, she said, and take the baby while I was outside. I agreed that someone could do that. They also could take the baby while I showered or at night while I was sleeping or by gunpoint from his high chair.

 

I've checked the crime statistics for our neighborhood. All of those things could happen, but that is a risk I'm willing to take.

 

Wendy

 

This. There is no total prevention and worrying about every conceivable thing that could happen would turn me into a hermit. By all means protect your kids from known drug houses and unsafe neighborhoods, teach them skills to deal with stranger danger, that's not overprotective (and that seems like what most people here are doing when they say they're not letting their kids alone). Saying "the world just isn't safe" and keeping your physical eye on your kids 24/7 until they're an adult does nothing to prevent abduction, rape, murder, or any other horrible thing from happening to them the day they move out of your house. It's terrible when bad things happen to children and it can hit us harder because they're vulnerable, but the danger doesn't stop when they are 18.

 

 

The problem lies in the fact that you are not there to protect your child. If your dc walks to school, a freak pulls up in a car or jumps out of a bush, grabs the child and drives away, you were not there to prevent or stop it. Of course, your generic freak or weirdo wouldn't even TRY to grab a child with the mommy right there.

 

[snip]

 

Good God - wake up - this is your child's LIFE on the line. And yes, it is your fault if something happens to them if you've sent them out on their own. I can't believe anyone would take that risk.

 

This is disgusting victim blaming. The fault of a crime is with the person who committed it, not the victim or the parent of the victim. Ever.

[Snow]

Just a thought....perhaps it's also driven by the way in which we were told about the dangers in the world as young children. When did public schools start teaching about stranger danger? I wonder if there is a coincidence there? I was born in 1976 and was a latch key kid. I remember stranger awareness stuff in first grade and it did scare me. It wasn't totally new to me; I was a free range kid and saw my share of crazy things as a result, but still it was scary to have it legitimized by teachers telling me about it. I wonder if that somehow shaped my view of the world and that of many others who are now more protective?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was abused as a child by a neighbor who my parents let into my home. None of this would have helped me. My naivate kept me from recognizing that I was being abused and telling anyone for a very long time.

 

I was s*xually assaulted in college because I was naive. I'm not blaming myself. But my naivate made me a target again.

 

I am not teaching my children to run scared or to rely on me to be their eyes and protection. I am empowering them by teaching them to think and act for themselves. And I'm discussing scenarios and realities with my children that my parents never would have even thought of discussing with me.

[Snow]

I do have to say that one thing different from when I was a child is that there are fewer parents at home to watch out for each other's kids. When I walked to school, I almost never walked by myself. There were usually 4-5 kids walking if not right with me, near me. We also knew most of the families on the way. There were blocks full of moms watching the parade of kids. There was some community responsibility. We also knew that when we played outside, all parents were watching out for kids - maybe not every minute, but if your child was not at home, you could call any neighbor and they would know where your child was. Also, since every kid was outside, there was some safety in numbers.

 

 

This. I totally agree and i think this is probably one of the biggest reasons.

[MomtoCandJ]

My dd is four and we allow her to play outside by herself (started when she was 3) our home is surrounded by trees and is off the road a ways. She stays around the house, usually the back yard because that's where most of her toys are. I peek out at her now and then( 5 to 10 minutes). There is no place for her to walk to (well maybe the river a mile or two up the road). I will have to be there to get her off the bus for kindergarten and do now for Headstart which I'm fine with.

[lea_lpz]

I do have to say that one thing different from when I was a child is that there are fewer parents at home to watch out for each other's kids. When I walked to school, I almost never walked by myself. There were usually 4-5 kids walking if not right with me, near me. We also knew most of the families on the way. There were blocks full of moms watching the parade of kids. There was some community responsibility. We also knew that when we played outside, all parents were watching out for kids - maybe not every minute, but if your child was not at home, you could call any neighbor and they would know where your child was. Also, since every kid was outside, there was some safety in numbers.

 

See and this how my neighborhood is and I am very thankfully for that and realize it's a rarity and most neighborhoods are void of the typical sounds and sights of children laughing and riding bikes or playing kick ball. I know the moms, I know the kids and families. I know other moms are also in and out, doing chores and peeking in on them every 10-15 minutes, too. I know we can look out for each others kids. I know that the kids are in a group with 6+ kids many of which are older siblings that watch out for the younger ones. I know they could yell and scream and put up a fight and neighbors would hear.

[LucyStoner]

That is absolutely ridiculous, and a little scary. I worry that the extreme helicopter parents will gain so much influence that allowing DD to walk a block or [insert other unsupervised activity] will become illegal. I've heard stories of cops interfering when kids were playing outside, solely because the kids were unsupervised. THAT is scary.

 

 

I read about a mom in a smallish town who was in fact prosecuted and convicted for dropping her kids off at the mall for a few hours to shop and see a movie. Nothing happened except a clerk saw (well behaved) tweens alone. I think she got a fine and some community service hours. When I was 11-13, we caught the bus across town to go Christmas shopping with our friends. We were always happy when we could get a ride. I also recall being dropped off with friends by their parents with movie and popcorn money all.the.time. I worry about the impact we are having on kids by controlling and scheduling and supervising each and every minute. No wonder some 25 year olds seem like adolescents- we treat 13 year olds like 6 year olds!

[LucyStoner]

Ironically, crime rates are dramatically lower today than 25 years ago, due to a wide variety of reasons.

 

http://www.csmonitor...ca-is-safer-now

 

Children have a far higher chance of dying in a car wreck or swimming pool yet few parents are too fearful to let their kids ride in cars or swim. I am in fact a survivor of child sexual assault and I narrowly escaped a separate attempted kidnapping at age 9. I know there are very real dangers. But I don't let fear prevent me from living a full, joyful and healthy life. I don't let fear stunt my children's normal growth and development.

[Crimson Wife]

Ironically, crime rates are dramatically lower today than 25 years ago, due to a wide variety of reasons.

 

For the umpteenth time, the overall average is irrelevant. There are many places where crime is quite a bit higher than it was in the past. If you don't believe me, here's another source.

 

The Wall Street Journal reports that over the last 10 years violent crime has spiked in the suburbs while tapering off in cities. Using data from the federal Bureau of Justice Statistics and the Brookings Institution, WSJ reporters found that suburban homicide rates increased 16.9 percent between 2001 and 2010, while large cities saw a 16.7 percent decline over the same period.

[Firefly]

Children have a far higher chance of dying in a car wreck or swimming pool yet few parents are too fearful to let their kids ride in cars or swim. I am in fact a survivor of child sexual assault and I narrowly escaped a separate attempted kidnapping at age 9. I know there are very real dangers.

 

Well, I see the other side of this having struggled with it myself. It's the WAY the child dies that people are talking about. A car accident is one thing... your child spending it's last few hours at the hand of a murderous pedophile-- completely different story.

 

 

But I don't let fear prevent me from living a full, joyful and healthy life. I don't let fear stunt my children's normal growth and development.

 

I don't think any parent here is stunting their children's normal growth. Nor do I believe any parent is to blame if their child does get murdered. Let's give everyone the benefit of the doubt (not directed just at you). As somebody stated up thread... we all have to make the choices we feel best for our child/situation.

[unsinkable]

 

 

For the umpteenth time, the overall average is irrelevant. There are many places where crime is quite a bit higher than it was in the past. If you don't believe me, here's another source.

 

The overall average maybe irrelevant to parents who make their decision based upon where they live...but violent crime decreasing is a good thing, IMO.