Grey hair, dh, dd, and me

[sparrow]

I have naturally light brown hair with some red and blondish highlights. I also have greys at the temple and a decent grey stripe developing at my side part. I periodically color to a matching color, covering my grey. I'm about ready to color again and dh surprises me by saying, "I think you should let it go grey" :huh: . I honestly don't know how I feel about this. If I had pretty, dark hair, I think it could be potentially beautiful. Unfortunately, I think it's just going to look mousey :tongue_smilie: .

 

I casually say to dd this AM, "Dad thinks I should go grey". I did NOT expect the reaction I got. Big ol' tears and this is not a child that cries often. She said, "I can't picture you with grey hair. I don't want to" :(. My mother is in end stage dementia, so I think dd is hyper aware of aging now.

 

I guess I have a couple of thoughts. First of all, I love that dh let me know he wouldn't mind seeing me grey. He's not the type that would ever forbid I cut my hair, color etc. He rarely makes any preference known, so by him actually bringing it up, I think he really would like to see my natural color, grey and all. That makes my feel pretty good, BUT I honestly don't think it's going to look as good as he thinks it will! Secondly, now I know dd is doing some deep thinking on life and mortality. She also likes my hair now :).

 

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do now :confused1: .

[Tiramisu]

My dh wouldn't mind if I go grey either, because he sees what his mom and my mom go through with the dyeing. He also may not want me to look too much younger than him. LOL.

 

For awhile I was letting the grey come in freely, and because it grew in streaks in my dark hair, I referred to it as my glamorous silver highlights. But then it came in more and more around my temples. When I tied my hair back, I look disheveled and shabby, I'm not a fancy mama to begin with, but I want to look neat. That's when I broke down and bought the dye.

[AK_Mom4]

My hair has been mostly grey since my second kiddo was born - notice that she is now 19! So I've been grey since my late twenties! Eeeek!

 

For a long time, I just went with the grey look. But it makes me look much older. I was in my early 40's and could pass easily for 60. Not a good look! And DH still has all dark hair except in his beard - it made me look like I was running around with a much younger man.

 

So now, I dye my hair. Not exactly the same color it used to be (sort of reddish brown), but a nice light brown color. It's worth the hassle for now. When DH starts to go grey (if he ever does), then I will let my hair go grey then too.

[caroljenn]

I told my dh that I am going to be dying my grays until I'm 80! I don't feel like an old lady, so why would I want to look like one?

 

Of course, my grays are coming in like wild shocks of lightning, and I have very straight hair, so they stick out like sore thumbs. If I had that lovely, beautiful, silver hair you see sometimes, my feelings might be different. As it is, they've gotta go!

[texasmama]

My dh likes mine long and curly. So I keep it long and curly most of the time. He says he doesn't care about the gray. However, I have covered the gray for so long that I don't think he has a realistic idea of how a 46 year old woman with longish hair would look with it 50% gray. One of my sons says he likes my hair gray. I choose to color it because that is what makes me feel best.

[Parrothead]

I'm one of those mid-40s totally grey people. I color it every 6-8 weeks and have no desire not to.

[Laurie4b]

I have a friend who dyes her hair because her kids prefer it. I wouldn't necessarily attribute your dd's reaction to the dementia situation with your mom. (Sorry that that is happening!)

 

If you feel better coloring and dh doesn't mind, it seems like there is no real decision!

 

I let my hair go grey naturally because my hair holds even a temporary dye like it's permanent, so I had to wait forever for it to grow out if I did a temporary rinse. I don't like short hair and didn't want to be growing it out when I was much older, so I bit the bullet young and let it come in naturally. It was mousy for a while, but my situation is unusual I think in that I had to transition through the mousy stage to the silver stage without the help of temporary rinses. I would have used those if I could.

[Melissa in Australia]

 am going grey . and I am leaving it that way. several reasons

 

- DH has gone past the grey stage and is completely white now

- all my boys started going grey when they were 5 ( just the odd hair but it stands out)

- DH has MCS and I have to use special shampoo and conditioner: the only type of hair dye I could use is henna and I have no desire to be red.

-I have no desire to be fashionable

- grey hair is coarser than my natural hair so my hair looks thick and luxurious instead of thin and wimpy like it use to look :rofl:

-My mother dyes her hair and she tells me that no mater what brand of dye she uses that it only looks brown for a few days and then it goes a funny yellow washed out strange colour.

-According to the bible grey hair is a sign of wisdom.. I am going for the wise look

[magnificent_baby]

I think grey (on some people, including myself) can make one look much older than their age. I color more frequently now that I am beginning to grey. I am certainly not one to care about fashion or trends, but my hair is one area that I do keep up on. I also think by the very upset reaction of your child, maybe you should color. Perhaps reapproach it again at a later time.

[Trish]

To my kids Gray = Old.

[Starr]

I would hold off on the all grey. Your dd needs to feel that you will always be there for her, just as you are now. It will settle with time. My dd did not cope well with my illness when she was a young teen. And I agree with you about the brown hair. I look at friends with dark hair and the grey is really pretty. Mousey and grey, I'm thinking not so much. I'm keeping mine colored for a while. ;)

[Dandelion]

What is your preference? I'd go with that. You're the one wearing your hair, and you should feel good about it (whether you color it or not).

 

If you don't have a preference either way, I'd say color it. Your DD seems to have strong feelings on the matter, whereas your DH's comment comes across as more of a suggestion. If you coloring your hair helps your DD feel more secure right now, it's worth it.

[Catwoman]

What is your preference? I'd go with that. You're the one wearing your hair, and you should feel good about it (whether you color it or not).

 

If you don't have a preference either way, I'd say color it. Your DD seems to have strong feelings on the matter, whereas your DH's comment comes across as more of a suggestion. If you coloring your hair helps your DD feel more secure right now, it's worth it.

 

 

:iagree:

 

You and your dd could even have some fun choosing the color together -- there's no law that says you have to match your natural color, you know! :)

[Wheres Toto]

 

I let my hair go grey naturally because my hair holds even a temporary dye like it's permanent, so I had to wait forever for it to grow out if I did a temporary rinse.

 

My hair is like this too. Even the colors that are supposed to wash out in 10 shampoos, or 27 shampoos, or whatever stays forever. Same way with perms back in the day, I would have tight curls until it would get long enough to cut them off.

 

I have dark brown hair with a few white hairs coming in occasionally. I haven't been doing anything about it but I did just buy a temporary color that is close to my natural color to try and brighten it up a little bit. I don't mind the white but I feel like my hair in general looks dull. While it's growing out I'll just tell everyone I'm going for the ombre look (which dd just did in her hair today).

 

Dh is all white and has been for decades. He doesn't care what I do and when I get to the point where it's more white, I'll probably just let it be. I'm 43.

[justamouse]

Here. I was pinning some of these last night, and was getting more empowered...

[sparrow]

Here. I was pinning some of these last night, and was getting more empowered...

 

Yeah, I think that's what started this whole thing, justamouse :lol: . I showed dh a picture from there! I just don't have enough grey for it to look good. Yet. :D

 

I guess I was just shocked that both of them had feelings about my hair! Neither had really talked much about it before and to have both of them tell me a preference in 24 hours threw me for a loop. I really do think I'm going to be coloring it for a while. I think some can successfully pull off grey hair, but in my case, at least at the grey stage I'm at, it just seems to make me look tired. I have found a box color that works well and makes growing it out pretty effortless.

 

I'm 43 and dh is 2 years younger. He really hasn't started noticeably greying, BUT you couldn't really tell because he has the most bizarre hair color I've ever seen. Dh is a true ash blonde. It actually looks lavender in some lighting or when it's on the floor, after being cut. He has some grey hiding in there, but you really have to hunt!

[Harriet Vane]

My hair has been entirely white since ds was born. I get stopped on the street all the time by strangers complimenting my hair. I have never regretted keeping it au naturel. Gray can be beautiful.

[somo_chickenlady]

I started getting white hairs (they are pure white) in my late 20's. I also have some random hairs all over, and a big stripe at my part. We call it the Poltergeist Mom stripe. haha! I dye it when I get around to it. I use non-permanent dye, so it fades gradually all over. Sometimes I roll with the grey, sometimes I can't stand it and dye it.

[texasmama]

Here. I was pinning some of these last night, and was getting more empowered...

 

These are gorgeous. I think I might be okay like this when my hair is totally gray. Right now, I don't have a good salt and pepper look, but maybe I can keep the longer hair when I decide to take the gray plunge.

[Orthodox6]

/

[Wheres Toto]

I plan to be one of those ladies with the long white hair. Someday.

[Heather in Neverland]

As long as I have access to hair dye, I will never go gray.

 

If I were you I would continue coloring at least for now for your dd's sake. She seems a little raw emotionally. And since your dh doesn't mind either way, you can always go gray later when it is not such a difficult time for your dd.

[Catwoman]

My hair has been entirely white since ds was born. I get stopped on the street all the time by strangers complimenting my hair. I have never regretted keeping it au naturel. Gray can be beautiful.

 

My mom had that same kind of pure white hair. No one believed it was natural because it was absolutely stunningly white, and it looked amazing on her. I'll bet you have that same kind of color. It's so beautiful -- a lot nicer than my boring brown!

 

I colored my hair for fun when I was in my 20's, but haven't colored it since then. I will be 50 this year and I have a few grays, but not enough to make it worth the bother of coloring it. I told my dh that when I get a lot of gray, I'm cutting my hair short and dying it platinum blonde. :D

[Dandelion]

To some extent, I think the use of hair dye hints at a lack of self-confidence.

 

Interesting. It never occurred to me that someone would view hair coloring this way.

 

Don't want to get off topic or derail this thread, but this comment just stood out to me.

 

Ok, back to the discussion. Carry on. ;)

[sparrow]

Funny how the question of hair dye elicits strong reactions! I never have coloured my hair, and never will. I'm not concerned whether "mousy", or any other epithet might be muttered behind my back. To some extent, I think the use of hair dye hints at a lack of self-confidence. I don't care much for my natural hair colour; however, as I have told my husband, I believe that God is the greatest artist going. Whatever He picked out for me from the colour palette is what is best for my overall appearance. I can't do a better job than did He.

 

Having stated my personal beliefs, I'll append this followup that, nevertheless, I believe the choice lies with the individual woman.

 

 

I've got plenty of self-confidence. I'm pretty tall, so I've had to stand up straight and tower over people for years. I don't really have the ability to hide. I just don't have a problem with *enhancing* what I've got goin' on. :001_smile:

[LostSurprise]

I think you should think carefully and do what you want to do.

 

Concerning your dd: one does not go gray overnight. Its like being pregnant. Everyone has quite a few months to watch the whole thing develop and get used to the idea. Unlike being pregnant, you can look at yourself in the mirror one day and say 'this is not for me!' and change it almost immediately. There's no way of knowing what people will think until you try it. If dd feels more stressed, dh doesn't like, or most of all you don't like it, you can make the change then.

[ksr5377]

I am not going gray yet, but I think you should do whatever YOU want to do.

[Catwoman]

 

Interesting. It never occurred to me that someone would view hair coloring this way.

 

Don't want to get off topic or derail this thread, but this comment just stood out to me.

 

Ok, back to the discussion. Carry on. ;)

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I was thinking the same thing.

 

I don't think it's a self-confidence issue at all. :confused:

 

Some women think they look better when they color their hair -- and other women think they look just fine with gray hair. It's all good.

 

I have heard similar comments about how women who wear makeup lack self-confidence. That makes no sense at all to me, either.

[Trish]

To some extent, I think the use of hair dye hints at a lack of self-confidence.

 

 

I can take a hint!

 

It takes a lot of confidence to make such a statement, so, there ya go!

[tadah]

Has anyone tried letting the gray come in (to brown hair) and then adding some lighter highlights if the resulting color is too dull? I'm in my early 50s and starting to think that all-over haircolor doesn't look realistic with the face past a certain age. I'm thinking it may be time to let the gray in to the mix. Has anyone tried this?

[Heather in Neverland]

. To some extent, I think the use of hair dye hints at a lack of self-confidence. .

 

 

Uh.... No. I've been accused of a lot of things but lacking self-confidence isn't one of them.

[carriewillard]

<<To some extent, I think the use of hair dye hints at a lack of self-confidence. >>

 

What about makeup? Spanx, bras, shaving, clipping one's toenails? They're all vanity. ;-)

 

I've been going grey since I was in my 20's. I dye my hair now but not sure how much longer I want to do it because my hair is so dadgum RESISTANT to dye. I leave the stuff on for 45 minutes and buy the special permanent color for grey hair, but it still doesn't "take". The greys look like a coppery color. But yeah, I don't feel ready to be grey.

 

I LOVE that Pinterest page, but I did have the thought that every woman on there was so gorgeous that it wouldn't matter what her hair looked like! Not sure if that will work for the rest of us... ;)

[redsquirrel]

Well, my first impulse is to say that you should do what feels best to you. But, as a mother, and understanding where your daughter is right now, I think you should hold off. But, I am tender hearted that way, so what do I know?

[LaxMom]

I wonder if your daughter envisions your hair just suddenly all gray, like grandma's, and that association just frightened her. From what you described, that certainly wouldn't be the case. I wonder if she would even notice.

 

My hair is dark, and I have the same graying, but people seem to not see it.

[Negin]

I'm 45 and my grays are becoming more pronounced.

My dh has never wished me to dye my hair.

My dc, especially my dd, both want me to dye it.

I come from a culture and background where women always dye their hair and do the whole make up, Botox, surgery thing.

Many who have discouraged me from dying my hair say that once you start dying it, you cannot really stop. Is this true? Doesn't seem to make sense to me.

I love the idea of going gray naturally. Mind you, my hair is quite coarse and frizzy and coarse, frizzy gray just doesn't look as good. I wish I knew what to do ... Oh well. When in doubt, I tend to avoid making a decision.

[Negin]

Also wanted to add, and I know that it's said to be a myth, but I often wonder if hair dye is a factor in hair loss. Some say yes, and some say, no. A friend of ours who recently passed away, never, ever dyed her hair. She had the thickest hair I've ever seen all the way through to her mid 80s. Others I know who have dyed their hair very often, are suffering from hair loss. So I do wonder. I'd rather have a full head of gray hair than no grays but much less hair.

[texasmama]

Has anyone tried letting the gray come in (to brown hair) and then adding some lighter highlights if the resulting color is too dull? I'm in my early 50s and starting to think that all-over haircolor doesn't look realistic with the face past a certain age. I'm thinking it may be time to let the gray in to the mix. Has anyone tried this?

I highlighted to blend in with the gray for many years until my grays became too numerous for this to be effective. Those were good years. :) Now I have a professional do an overall dye (light brownish, which is my natural color before gray) about once every two months and highlight over this about twice a year. I think I will keep this up until I am ready to go completely gray. I am at about 50% gray at age 46 so I think I have a while.

[texasmama]

Also wanted to add, and I know that it's said to be a myth, but I often wonder if hair dye is a factor in hair loss. Some say yes, and some say, no. A friend of ours who recently passed away, never, ever dyed her hair. She had the thickest hair I've ever seen all the way through to her mid 80s. Others I know who have dyed their hair very often, are suffering from hair loss. So I do wonder. I'd rather have a full head of gray hair than no grays but much less hair.

I've never heard this, nor experienced it. I'm sure it is possible to damage hair with color and have it break off, but I don't think that hair falls out due to color.

[Ellie]

I don't color my hair. It is how God made it.

 

I also don't ask my dc what they think about my hair color. :-)

[AngieW in Texas]

I have never colored my hair. It seems like an awful lot of work and I'm just lazy about hair. I put it in a ponytail and I'm done.

 

My 14yo seems to want to change her hair color every couple of months. She bleached the tips of it white and then was going to dye the tips green, but she like the white so much that she just left it that way for a few months.

 

Then she got her hair cut shorter and dyed the bottom half of her hair black. She left it that way for a few months but kept cutting the length shorter.

 

Last week she used a full bottle of sun-in on her hair to lighten it up and then last night she died it auburn. The top took the color really well (that's where her hair is naturally a much lighter brown), but the bottom didn't take as much of the color. She loves the way that it turned out. She wanted to have a mix of colors and that's what she got. Her hair has a lot of auburn in it naturally and this really accentuated it. I think it looks great and I'm glad that she's happy with it. I really hope she ends up finding somebody else to help her with all this hair experimentation though. I don't mind her doing it. I just don't want to be involved in it.

[MFG]

Here. I was pinning some of these last night, and was getting more empowered...

 

My inspiration is Jamie Lee Curtis.

http://people.zap2it.com/p/jamie-lee-curtis/photo-gallery-detail/29426/246320?aid=zap2it

My hair is a similar color and style. Mine is more silver at the temples.

[HappyCrazyMama]

I plan to be one of those ladies with the long white hair. Someday.

 

Me too!

[TravelingChris]

I don't think my hair would be a nice gray. But anyway, it would be all mixed up and look bad. Furthermore, my dh will never really get gray hair- he has a hair color that just fades slowly into I guess white??? (Strawberry blond). Anyway, he has no grey at all and I am not about to look 20 years older than him. We were born in the same year although I am a bit older. Coloring hair is just part of looking presentable. Certainly women can look good with grey hair. But I look better with colored hair and so I will keep going and getting it colored.

 

Oh and Negin, I have thinning hair due to medications and a separate medical condition and color is recommended as a way to help it look fuller.

[Lisa in Jax]

I have naturally light brown hair with some red and blondish highlights. I also have greys at the temple and a decent grey stripe developing at my side part. I periodically color to a matching color, covering my grey. I'm about ready to color again and dh surprises me by saying, "I think you should let it go grey" :huh: . I honestly don't know how I feel about this. If I had pretty, dark hair, I think it could be potentially beautiful. Unfortunately, I think it's just going to look mousey :tongue_smilie: .

 

My hair is dark ash blonde/light brown. In my 20s, I paid a lot of money to add highlights to keep it from looking dull and mousey. When I started getting gray about ten years ago, I noticed that my hair looked a lot like it did when I highlighted.

 

So, I *LOVE* the gray, because it just looks like blonde highlights that never need touching up. ;-) I regularly get compliments along the line of "Who does your highlights? They're amazing!"

 

If you're willing to give it a shot, let your hair go natural. If you dislike it, there's no reason you can't dye it later.

You can explain that to dd, if necessary, to help her feel less stressed about seeing gray.

 

HIH,

 

Lisa

[sparrow]

Well, I cut my hair last week and still haven't dyed it. It looks really good right now, if I say so myself ;). It looks shiny and healthy and the grey isn't bothering me. So, as it stands, I'm letting it go, BUT I totally reserve the decision to color it again, if I want!

[Lucy in Australia]

I used to be in the camp of letting my hair do what comes naturally & I was prepared to turn grey. Then a few older women around me who had started going grey dyed their hair & I was shocked at how much healthier they looked. Not just younger- healthier. They had colour in their face again & it wasn't makeup ;-) It then occurred to me that going grey may suit some, but I wasn't one of them.

[JadeOrchidSong]

If you have long hair almost to your waist, do you cut it first before you dye? I always wear my hair long and short hair doesn't look or feel good to me. What should I do? Also, in my culture, people (black hair) always dye their hair when they start to grey. Mine are getting 1/4 grey now and I am thinking of dyeing, but am not willing to cut it short.

[Spy Car]

What is your preference?

 

 

Preference by L'Oreal.

 

Because I'm worth it.

 

Maybe I'm dating myself :D

 

I am rapidly going what I call "silver."

 

I've always told Mrs Spy Car that I'd prefer she age naturally, but as luck would have it at 46 she doesn't have a grey hair on her jead of luxuriously-brown undyed hair.

 

Life is not always fair :D

 

Bill

 

[elegantlion]

I'm almost 46 and partially grey. I'm dying my hair soon. I embraced the grey for a while, I just need to feel younger for a while. It's your hair, I think you should do what you want. You could try it for a while, but if your dd is feeling vulnerable about aging, I might keep it colored through the summer. Some greys don't cover completely when I color anyway. My natural dark brown is fading and looks blah. When I dye it the red highlights come out and it looks much better.

 

At some point my white hair will be curly and long and I'll embrace it. Some point is not now.

[JadeOrchidSong]

More?