Catwoman Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Neither do I, Chucki. I actually meant to thank you for breaking it down so simply for me, as I was struggling with understanding the reasoning behind the "it's rude" point of view. I am sitting here with the flu and clearly have too much time on my hands...not to mention feeling just a tad grumpy. Have a great Saturday! I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well, Nancy -- I hope you get better very soon! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyNellen Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well, Nancy -- I hope you get better very soon! :grouphug: Thanks so much, Cat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree Frog Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 My DD is turning 5 soon. We're having our usual family party where she'll get tons of gifts. My DD said she wanted to have a party with her friends as well. I can't combine friends and family into one party for various reasons so I figured I'd have a separate little friend birthday party for her. I don't want her friends to bring gifts, though. First of all, my DD has too much stuff as it is, especially with Christmas having been so recently. Second, I don't want people to not come because they can't afford a gift. I just want her friends to come over, have some cupcakes and ice cream, sing Happy Birthday, and play and have fun. Would that be wrong of me? Do you think people would feel too awkward not bringing a gift? Do you think people would not come because they'd feel awkward not bringing a gift? I think my DD would be ok with not getting gifts, but is it wrong to deny a 5 year old that part of her party? Thoughts? Suggestions? I haven't read all the responses, but one year when my dd was 5, she didn't want any gifts, so she asked her friends to bring an item for the food pantry instead. The friends were able to bring something (it feels strange to attend a birthday party without bringing something), it could be very inexpensive for the friends, and the food pantry benefitted. My dd enjoyed delivering the food (it turned out to be quite a bit of food) and feeling like something she did made a difference for someone else. I don't know if this would be a possibility for your dd due to her special needs, but thought I'd toss it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toawh Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Does it have to be a "birthday party"? What about a play date? In our family birthdays are very much a family occasion. We have a cake with our family meal and then which ever family members have a present for the person give it to him. Usually it's parents, grandma, and maybe a sibling. There are no friends. Later though the kid always has friends over (who eat leftover cake as a snack). It's fun and casual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I have always requested no gifts for my kids. I always thought everyone would be relieved. I had no idea anyone would want to bring a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I don't think people are offended per se. I know I'm not. I think most people think it is really odd to be told what gift to buy. Calling it a donation does not change the fact that guests are being told what to buy for someone's birthday. I would not do that. But I wouldn't say anything if someone else did. I suppose if I didn't agree with the charity, I'd quietly not attended. If someone doesn't want any gift, I suppose that is fine too. Yet again though, refusing gifts seems odd to most people, even if it is a preemptive refusal. I think if I were to want to avoid gifts, I would not have a party. Instead I would have a fun event to do to together and not bother mentioning the birthday aspect of it. I really dislike birthday stuff. I hate shopping and I don't like being the center of attention. I don't share my birthday with many people because the whole singing me happy birthday and stuff makes me uncomfortable. I would not refuse a gift though bc I don't want to hurt feelings just because I'm content with a quiet "happy birthday". None of my children are gift mongers. They don't associate birthdays and hordes of presents. They are just fine enjoying people's company. They are also generous people who like to occassionally give a small gift to others and would be mildly disappointed to be told they couldn't by their friends' parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I will be honest and say that if you invited me to your house for any reason that involved food, I would probably bring a small thing with me. I was just taught not to show up for an event empty handed. So if you invited me for dinner, I might bring a bottle of wine. Or if I thought you object to drinking, I might bring flowers, even if they were just flowers from my own yard. If you had a play date and we rotated houses and didn't serve refreshments, maybe then I wouldn't bring something, but if you invited me to a Super Bowl Party or an unspecified get together, I would bring some small thing. Even if you hosted my book club, I likely would bring cookies or a bottle of wine or something. So you saying, "No gifts" would leave me perplexed. I would tend to still want to bring something, but if you made it clear you really didn't want a present for your daughter, I would bring a little something for you to thank you for hostessing, but that leaves you feeling awkward because now the birthday girl isn't being showered, but you are. Perplexing:) I think you should do what you want, and the culture where you are might be different from how I am and how I think of these things. But don't be surprised if people still show up with some small thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Am I the only person who thinks it's sad that it's more socially acceptable to do nothing for our kid's birthday than to do what we think is overall best for all involved? No, you are not the only one. I think it's absurd that parents and children who are trying to live out perfectly harmless, if slightly countercultural, values are being made to feel they "can't" allow a simple birthday party for fear of making their own friends testy. This actually reminds me strongly of the "receiving too many gifts at Christmas" threads we had a month or so ago. At that point, I shared my strong feeling that the point of giving a gift to someone should be to please the recipient, not to amuse or self-satisfy the giver. It seems to me really odd to put pressure on the recipient to graciously take in random stuff he or she doesn't want or need or possibly even like in order to be nice to the people who have insisted on ignoring his or her wishes. No wonder I hate my birthday and have trouble with Christmas. A child having a birthday should be allowed -- within broad limits -- to have the kind of celebration that will make him or her happy. If he wants to spend time with his friends having pizza and swimming and ripping into a pile of gift-wrapped plastic but flatly refuses to wear the "I'm the birthday boy" t-shirt and matching conic party hat his mother thought were so cute, as long as that falls within his parents' comfort zone and doesn't cause serious upset to his guests and he politely thanks each giver, he should totally be a allowed to go for it. On the other hand, if another child wants to have her friends over and decorate the whole stupid house with purple "Happy Birthday, Amy!" banners and napkins and wear her matching fuzzy purple headband and serve cake and ice cream and blush while they all sing "Happy Birthday" . . . and not be expected to pretend she appreciates gifts she politely but clearly asked everyone not to bring her, that, too, should be a perfectly acceptable option. Neither approach hurts anyone. Each kid had the celebration he or she wanted. Every guest went home tired and happy and clutching a goodie bag. What on earth is the big deal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Every guest went home tired and happy and clutching a goodie bag. A whole 'nother can of worms there. :) Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 A whole 'nother can of worms there. :) Erica in OR Oh, I know that! Actually, we've always tried to avoid the typical good bag, opting instead for sending guests home with some more meaningful token. We've done crafts at the party, for example, and sent those home with the kids. I've given books . . . I was trying to make it clear we were observing some of the social proprieties, however, so as not to shock any more tender feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Oh, I know that! Actually, we've always tried to avoid the typical good bag, opting instead for sending guests home with some more meaningful token. We've done crafts at the party, for example, and sent those home with the kids. I've given books . . . I was trying to make it clear we were observing some of the social proprieties, however, so as not to shock any more tender feelings. Didn't mean to imply I was against your post, just remembering an old thread that also generated a lot of opinions. Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 There is no *polite* way to tell people not to bring gifts. The only way to avoid telling people that you expect them to bring gifts but please don't is not to mention that the event is honoring a special occasion in someone's life. I think it's time we all just admitted that "you're invited to a birthday party" automatically means "please bring gifts" unless otherwise noted. Is there anyone here who received a kiddy birthday party invitation, without a no-gifts request, who thought it would be good etiquette or socially acceptable (or forgivable, for that matter) to show up at the party with nothing for the child? You're demanding gifts if you just send a plain old birthday invite. If it's not OK to demand gifts, then I guess birthday parties are bad etiquette to begin with. Might as well do them however you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I might agree with you SKL. I might even agree the whole make every birthday a big deal with a party is something I would never do. And I don't. It's rare for us to have more than dh, myself and their 9 siblings. My boys have been invited to go rock climbing for a birthday. Or paintball. No gifts and everyone paid their own way. My daughter had a "party" by going to the Madeline restaurant. There were no gifts. We paid for dinner for her 2 friends bc we invited them to the meal. In those types of situations everyone knew it was soandso birthday and that's who they were getting together for, but it wasn't considered a "party" I guess in the sense some here seem to assume. No happy birthday song, no gifts, just a get together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 If we want to really go into etiquette, you bring the hostess a "thank you" gift regardless of the reason for the gathering. ETA: I really don't think most people who follow etiquette do so bc they would be otherwise offended. Most rules of etiquette are about both parties showing kind consideration towards each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I am not offended by no-gift requests, but after being burned badly a couple of times I now cheerfully disregard them. I would much rather be the loser who brought an unwanted gift than the loser who failed to bring a gift when everyone else did. If we are going to a party, we bring a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delighted3 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Deleted...Clear enough? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 To begin with, I don't know why people are so offended by the opinions that they don't think requesting no gifts isn't the right thing to do. The OP asked for opinions. Most people ask other people's opinion because they aren't entirely certain that what they want to do is the right way to go. If the OP just wanted to people to agree with her. She should have said that. Also, I notice that the OP is having a party with relatives where there will be a lot of gifts involved. I don't understand why the gift giving is acceptable from family, but not from friends. I allow my children to have a birthday party every other year. I hate it. They love it. Some of their friends bring gifts. Some don't. It is never a big deal. I even allow them to have ...sleepovers. Gasp! That is never a huge deal either. I put on the invitation to come for the evening or plan to stay the night. Whatever suits them. My kids go to the $ store and buy a bunch of candy and junk to put in goody bags. My kids usually make their own cupcakes. They love that too. I guess what I don't understand is why everything has to become about us the parents and why it has to cause so much stress? Why do we as parents have to control every little detail? JMO, Joy What! Gifts and goody bags and cupcakes and sleepovers all at the same time?!?! I’m shocked. Truly shocked. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I am in complete agreement with you on this. I find the responses in this thread baffling! I must live in a weird parallel universe since no-gift parties are normal and completely acceptable in my large circle of friends (both here and in CT when we lived there!!) When my kids get invited to one, they thoughtfully give the gift of their time in making a fun homemade card and maybe including a fun picture of my daughter or son with the celebrant. I guess I am glad that I live in a place where my family can invite people to a party, pay for all of the food and fun, and not offend anyone by requesting that they not go out and spend money on presents that we don't want or need :-) They are becoming the norm in my area too and I really dislike it. It's a party! My child loves her friends and wants to give them a special gift. It really steals joy from the guests attending the party. "To give is to receive." Most of the time, I do think it's done as the parent's idea or because it's the popular trend rather than as the birthday child's true wish and that feels uppity to me. Then, when it is my child's turn to have her birthday party, I am left feeling like a creep because I didn't decide to have everyone donate all her gifts to some chartible organization. Does she need gifts? No, but it is part of what makes the party fun. What happened to just having a party and letting it be fun rather than some lesson in virtues? If you are going to have a party and tell people they are not to bring gifts, then please do not open the gifts from the people who will bring them anyway. It makes the other guests feel horrible. I guess I have a hard time with change. LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 We call goodie bags "favors." Mr. Unsinkable says it is shorthand for: "The party is over. Do us a FAVOR and leave!" LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 They are becoming the norm in my area too and I really dislike it. It's a party! My child loves her friends and wants to give them a special gift. It really steals joy from the guests attending the party. "To give is to receive." Most of the time, I do think it's done as the parent's idea or because it's the popular trend rather than as the birthday child's true wish and that feels uppity to me. Then, when it is my child's turn to have her birthday party, I am left feeling like a creep because I didn't decide to have everyone donate all her gifts to some chartible organization. Does she need gifts? No, but it is part of what makes the party fun. What happened to just having a party and letting it be fun rather than some lesson in virtues? If you are going to have a party and tell people they are not to bring gifts, then please do not open the gifts from the people who will bring them anyway. It makes the other guests feel horrible. I guess I have a hard time with change. LOL. I disagree with that statement. If someone requests no gifts, then I honor that request AND I don't feel like a "loser" if everyone else does show up with gifts? Why? Because if *I* request no gifts, that's really what I mean and would find it rude to ignore it. *shrug* My children find joy in merely spending time with their friends on their special day. Material things are just that material things. Also, if it is THAT big of a deal, my children will happily draw a picture or make a card for the birthday child. I could care less what others may think of what we bring, if we "spent enough", etc. It is and should be the thought behind something that counts, not about impressing the other guests at the party with how good a gift giver you are. Even if it IS the parent's idea, I don't find that wrong. I mentioned before that we have 5 (soon to be 6) people living in 900sq ft with only 2 bedrooms. ALL of my children share ONE room. It is physically impossible to fit tons and tons of toys plus all of their other belongings in there. So, you know what? No, I don't want the piles of plastic junk that will probably be broken or lost within a week taking up even more space when they have plenty. I teach my children that STUFF doesn't matter, so even when I have specified "no gifts" they don't care, even at young ages. They just love having a party and getting to spend time with their friends. *shrug* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I think I am genetically incapable of NOT bringing a gift to a party. My grandmother would roll over in her grave. My mother would faint. The mountains would crumble and the sea would rage. Maybe it is a southern thing? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 They are becoming the norm in my area too and I really dislike it. It's a party! My child loves her friends and wants to give them a special gift. It really steals joy from the guests attending the party. "To give is to receive." Most of the time, I do think it's done as the parent's idea or because it's the popular trend rather than as the birthday child's true wish and that feels uppity to me. Then, when it is my child's turn to have her birthday party, I am left feeling like a creep because I didn't decide to have everyone donate all her gifts to some chartible organization. Does she need gifts? No, but it is part of what makes the party fun. What happened to just having a party and letting it be fun rather than some lesson in virtues? If you are going to have a party and tell people they are not to bring gifts, then please do not open the gifts from the people who will bring them anyway. It makes the other guests feel horrible. I guess I have a hard time with change. LOL. Despite always having no gift parties, I have no problem brining gifts to traditional parties, nor do I feel the family is "greedy" or should be donating to charity. To each their own. However, I do find it sad that the exchange of material goods is somehow to most important "fun" that can be had with a group of children. Most traditional parties we attend do not even have a big gift opening at the party. They do it at another time so as to not waste party time and side-stepping the small-children-might-not-yet-know-how-to-be-gacious debacle that can sometimes occur with a child who might know their manners but might lose them in front of a big crowd while stuffed with sugar. What I find odd is spending 30 minutes of a two-hour party watching a kid open presents...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 What happened to just having a party and letting it be fun rather than some lesson in virtues? I'd suggest that many families who prefer no-gift parties are trying to do exactly that, just have a party and let it be fun, without emphasis on material stuff. The truth, though, is that everything we do for, with and in front of our children is a lesson in virtues, or at least in values. Choosing to "just have a party and receive gifts like everyone else does" teaches kids one kind of lesson (maybe about valuing material items, maybe about valuing conformity, maybe about a certain vision of "manners"). Choosing to have that kind of party, whether the birthday child wants it or not, because it's what everyone else expects, also teaches a lesson about what we value. Personally, I prefer the one where I model thoughtfully considering choices and working hard to be as considerate and polite as possible within a framework that supports the values I'm trying to teach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 My DD is turning 5 soon. We're having our usual family party where she'll get tons of gifts. My DD said she wanted to have a party with her friends as well. I can't combine friends and family into one party for various reasons so I figured I'd have a separate little friend birthday party for her. I don't want her friends to bring gifts, though. First of all, my DD has too much stuff as it is, especially with Christmas having been so recently. Second, I don't want people to not come because they can't afford a gift. I just want her friends to come over, have some cupcakes and ice cream, sing Happy Birthday, and play and have fun. Would that be wrong of me? Do you think people would feel too awkward not bringing a gift? Do you think people would not come because they'd feel awkward not bringing a gift? I think my DD would be ok with not getting gifts, but is it wrong to deny a 5 year old that part of her party? Thoughts? Suggestions? I'm posting after page 1, so forgive me if this has been mentioned. I don't think it's your guests' fault that your daughter has been so overindulged that there is no room for birthday presents. It's FUN for your little guests to choose, wrap, and give a gift. For a five year old, it's not even that expensive. I think the solution is for you (or grandma, or whoever the culprit is) to control your shopping habits. It's not your birthday party guests that have your daughter drowning in stuff and limiting them won't solve your problem. I vote have a normal party and adjust the influx of stuff into your house so that this isn't a problem on her sixth birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 we've been to one no-gift party. we were asked to make a donation to the humane society instead. i was fine with that, no problem. but when we got to the party some of the other kids brought gifts. i felt like a cheap butt, lol. if we were invited to another no-gift party, i would honor that request though. i would feel a little weird, but i would comply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I am in favor of no gift parties, crockpots, and cupcakes. Hope no one is offended by my opinions :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 To begin with, I don't know why people are so offended by the opinions that they don't think requesting no gifts isn't the right thing to do. Did anyone else get lost in this sentence? Or is it just past my bedtime? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Did anyone else get lost in this sentence? Or is it just past my bedtime? It is a bit tricky, but if you take the time to diagram it, it'll be clear. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delighted3 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Did anyone else get lost in this sentence? Or is it just past my bedtime? It was late when I posted. I'll just delete it. Have a nice day. Joy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I'd suggest that many families who prefer no-gift parties are trying to do exactly that, just have a party and let it be fun, without emphasis on material stuff. The truth, though, is that everything we do for, with and in front of our children is a lesson in virtues, or at least in values. Choosing to "just have a party and receive gifts like everyone else does" teaches kids one kind of lesson (maybe about valuing material items, maybe about valuing conformity, maybe about a certain vision of "manners"). Choosing to have that kind of party, whether the birthday child wants it or not, because it's what everyone else expects, also teaches a lesson about what we value. Personally, I prefer the one where I model thoughtfully considering choices and working hard to be as considerate and polite as possible within a framework that supports the values I'm trying to teach. So basically, if we have a party for our kid and we expect that the attendees will bring gifts, we're teaching our children to value materialism and conformity, and we don't make thoughtfully considered choices about the values we're trying to teach? :glare: Oh, please. I'm sure you didn't intend it, but you came across pretty condescending there for a minute. We were talking about a party for a 5 year-old child. Having gifts at her birthday party isn't going to automatically turn her into a materialistic conformist. :rolleyes: I understand that you do things differently, and if that's what your child prefers, I think that's just fine, but you seem to be negatively judging the intrinsic values of those who choose to have conventional birthday parties, and quite honestly, I don't think anyone was judging your values when we suggested that most kids would probably prefer to receive gifts at their parties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 So basically, if we have a party for our kid and we expect that the attendees will bring gifts, we're teaching our children to value materialism and conformity, and we don't make thoughtfully considered choices about the values we're trying to teach? :glare: Oh, please. Please note the list of options and the repeated use of the word "maybe." I was responding specifically to the poster who suggested that "not everything has to be a lesson in virtues." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Personally, I prefer the one where I model thoughtfully considering choices and working hard to be as considerate and polite as possible within a framework that supports the values I'm trying to teach. I agree. And it goes both ways: Choosing to hold a birthday party with gifts because it's what everyone else expects teaches our children a certain value system. So does choosing to have a no-gift birthday party because it's what everyone else expects. How about letting each family and child choose to hold the birthday party that brings the birthday child and family the most pleasure? The idea that a family who only wants to enjoy the company of friends without dealing with gift issues is disrespectful to the guests by hosting a no-gift party is about the same as the idea that a family who hosts a traditional birthday party is greedy and materialistic. A birthday party should be a day for the birthday child to celebrate in the way that's most pleasing to him or her and works within the family's values. Guests should respect the wishes of the birthday child and family. Simple as that. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 For my oldest sons fifth birthday we collected stuffed animals and donated them to the fire department. His birthday and another preschool classmates were very close and we had a joint party. We didn't want people to have to bring two gifts, so we asked for donations. It was something that we asked the kids about first. They were definitely more than compensated for it within our own families. The highlight of their party turned out to be when we took the donations to the fire department. It was a Sunday afternoon, and the firefighters gave the kids a personal tour of the fire department. It was definitely a great experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scout0421 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I'm in the process of planning the kids' party for my daughter's 4th birthday. I was chatting with my best friend about how I forgot to have the printer include the line "No gifts, please." on the invite - and that got us talking about this topic. I didn't have the slightest idea how scandalous my party planning skills just so happen to be, but she filled me in - which included sending me a link to this discussion thread. I am completely amazed and baffled by the responses I've read on here. Wow. IMO, there are plenty of BIG IMPORTANT THINGS we can all get ourselves worked into a tizzy about - poverty, homelessness, human rights issues, bullying, etc. But children's birthday parties? Wow. I am proud to say that my daughter has never had a children's birthday party in her honor that included gifts. We have a huge extended family. Two sets of great grandparents. Four sets of grandparents. My husband has seven siblings. Then there's her godparents. At her family party last year, she received twenty presents. TWENTY. I think that just about covers the need for her to get gifts for her birthday, no? My daughter attends preschool. There are 20 children in her class. Then there are the children that were in her class at one time or another but have moved up into the next class. Last year, we invited 25 children from her preschool, and 6 children from the neighborhood to the kids' party we held in her honor for her birthday. In our community, this is common. If you're going to invite any friends from school, you invite the entire class. Had I not requested no gifts to that kids' party, my daughter would've gotten 40 gifts in total for her birthday - not counting what we ourselves got her. How anyone can defend that as being even marginally sensible is beyond me. No gifts at the kids' party. And everyone complied. And so do we when we're invited to the 20+ birthday parties that she attends every year. Etiquette is great and all. But it should never replace common sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I'm in the process of planning the kids' party for my daughter's 4th birthday. I was chatting with my best friend about how I forgot to have the printer include the line "No gifts, please." on the invite - and that got us talking about this topic. I didn't have the slightest idea how scandalous my party planning skills just so happen to be, but she filled me in - which included sending me a link to this discussion thread. I am completely amazed and baffled by the responses I've read on here. Wow. IMO, there are plenty of BIG IMPORTANT THINGS we can all get ourselves worked into a tizzy about - poverty, homelessness, human rights issues, bullying, etc. But children's birthday parties? Wow. I am proud to say that my daughter has never had a children's birthday party in her honor that included gifts. We have a huge extended family. Two sets of great grandparents. Four sets of grandparents. My husband has seven siblings. Then there's her godparents. At her family party last year, she received twenty presents. TWENTY. I think that just about covers the need for her to get gifts for her birthday, no? My daughter attends preschool. There are 20 children in her class. Then there are the children that were in her class at one time or another but have moved up into the next class. Last year, we invited 25 children from her preschool, and 6 children from the neighborhood to the kids' party we held in her honor for her birthday. In our community, this is common. If you're going to invite any friends from school, you invite the entire class. Had I not requested no gifts to that kids' party, my daughter would've gotten 40 gifts in total for her birthday - not counting what we ourselves got her. How anyone can defend that as being even marginally sensible is beyond me. No gifts at the kids' party. And everyone complied. And so do we when we're invited to the 20+ birthday parties that she attends every year. Etiquette is great and all. But it should never replace common sense. I love that this is your first post. Welcome to the board. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 For my oldest sons fifth birthday we collected stuffed animals and donated them to the fire department. His birthday and another preschool classmates were very close and we had a joint party. We didn't want people to have to bring two gifts, so we asked for donations. It was something that we asked the kids about first. They were definitely more than compensated for it within our own families. The highlight of their party turned out to be when we took the donations to the fire department. It was a Sunday afternoon, and the firefighters gave the kids a personal tour of the fire department. It was definitely a great experience. That is awesome. My dd wanted to do that one year and when we talked to our fire chief neighbor he told me they are no longer allowed to accept donations of stuffed animals. Due to allergies all the stuffed animals have to come from a specific place sealed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Please excuse that I have not read all the posts. I, personally, like the concept of "no gifts". The flip side, though of "no loot bags" would have to apply, for justice purposes! There is nothing at all inherently wrong about having her friends over for a fun "non-party". As soon as you use the words "birthday party", cultural expectations kick in. If there is some way for you to frame a children's get-together as simply inviting over a gang of her friends to play, and a cake magically appears, then you have what you describe. My honest thought, nonetheless, is that a child turning five is going to expect that "party" equates to "presents." There will be some few children who say that it is ok not to have any gifts; however, I suspect that they are being compliant, trying to make Mommy happy, or similar. I won't rule out 100% that there is some 100% non-present-loving little child somewhere on earth, but I won't hold my breath! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I love that this is your first post. Welcome to the board. :) HA! First post! LOL! Scout, let us know what you think about statements of faith in co-ops, cuz that's pretty cut and dried, too! KThxBai! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Dd had a birthday party one year that requested no gifts, but guests were asked to bring their favorite doll or stuffed animal. The party activity was to make an item for their doll/animal - I think they knitted scarves. Asking them to bring something I think made it a little less weird on the part of the guests. I believe this was for dd's 12th birthday. Ds has also attended "gift donation" parties. I thought they were a great idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I love no gift parties. I think it might depend on where you live though. These were not popular at all in Utah and they are very popular here in VA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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