How do you cope with anxiety?

[Perogi]

I've got some stuff going on that is pushing me near the breaking point and I am not coping. It's all stuff that's out of my control, that has come up and surprised me, and is happening all at once. There is literally nothing I can do but roll with it and take it as it comes but I am a big ball of anxiety like I've never been before. For the past 2 days I have only eaten one meal because I feel so nauseous, I'm not sleeping well, I'm not concentrating and completing tasks, I'm crying a lot and freraking out my kids....I just canNOT keep a lid on it.

 

I am a Christian and I know that I should be able to have faith and know that God is in control and access his peace but it's not working for me. I have family and friends praying, I'm praying, dh is cool as a cucumber.

 

How do you handle stress and anxiety??

 

 

[Susann]

I hope someone has some suggestions for you. I'm not so good at handling stress but just want to give you a :grouphug:

[Perogi]

Thank you :). It helps.

[Dana]

Xanax works wonders for me. It does very little for my husband.

You might check with your doctor.

For me, it turned the panic attack mental screaming, heart racing down to manageable levels and let me function. I don't take it if I'll be driving though.

 

Exercise can help.

Also deep breathing (kind of like in pregnancy).

Meditation.

Thinking through whether there's anything you could currently be doing and if not, working on letting go.

I'd sometimes visualize writing down all my thoughts and problems on a white board and then erasing them.

 

Also, Xanax :)

 

:hugs:

 

Hope you find some coping techniques and get some peace.

[Guest inoubliable]

Zoloft worked for me. Might want to ask your doctor about Zoloft or, as a PP mentioned, Xanax. I know a few people that have used either one of those and it helped immensely. Have you tried some yoga in the mornings? Get some good stretches going, breathe deeply. :grouphug: I hope you find something soon.

[Perogi]

Exercise is a great idea - don't do it enough and now have so much restless energy that I bet it would help.

 

I am usually on Celexa (off and on for the past 8 years, more on than off) but my prescription ran out and I haven't found time to get to the Dr. Dh is going to call in the morning and make the appt so that it jives with his schedule for being available for the kids. Celexa worked okay for me but maybe this (new) doctor will have some other suggestions.

 

It's all fear based anxiety - there is an issue with ds' eyes, and a threat to our living situation/financial security, as well as an impending move for our little foster guy whom we love very much. I was okay until the financial issue and with that there is really nothing, nothing I can do, just wait and see what happens. And somehow have faith that it will be okay.

[LostSurprise]

If there's nothing I can do about it, what works best for me is keeping busy at things just difficult enough to occupy thought and not enough to induce stress. My house is never as clean as these moments.

 

~audiobooks with light or humorous themes

~playlist with peaceful or upbeat music

~keep expectations low, cut yourself (and others) slack

~keep in contact with others, be a friend

~be aware of other's problems, do what you can to help

~be active in the evening, wear yourself out before bed

~know how temporary most things in life are, you will probably outlast this too

[sparrow]

I had the most stress and anxiety filled year of my life last year. What got me through was coloring and what I call "small journaling". The small journaling just consists of writing 1-3 sentences about my day. Nothing soul searching or deep. It just got my general feeling for the day "out". I have continued to write in this journal daily.

 

As for coloring, at first I swiped a princess coloring book from my daughter, but then I moved on to buying Dover coloring books I liked.

 

My suggestions may sound silly, but they honestly worked for me. :grouphug:

[Dandelion]

It's all stuff that's out of my control...

 

To me, this is the key issue in your post.

 

Focusing too much on stuff you can't control is a sure way to bring on anxiety. The way I deal with this (and I had to learn this the hard way), is to consciously focus on only what I have control over. That way, I can shift my anxiety into something productive - taking action. The problem with focusing/freaking out over issues you can't control is that it's generally impossible to take any meaningful action to resolve the issue. This compounds your anxiety rather than relieving it.

 

So...my advice would be to find at least one aspect of this situation that you do have control over, define some specific actions you can take, and then shift your energy into taking action. If you truly don't have any control over any aspect of this, focus on the control you have over how you respond to this situation. Often, that's the only control you really have. Define specifically how you want to respond and how you want to be while this is going on. In addition to that, it can sometimes be helpful to imagine the worst case scenario of how the situation might play out, and how you would respond to that. Once you've looked the worst case scenario squarely in the face and have come up with a theoretical plan of how you would handle it, it often doesn't feel as scary. I do this and find it very helpful, but of course YMMV.

 

Hope things start looking up soon!

 

(((Hugs))) (can't find the emoticons when I'm on my iPad)

[*Inna*]

Exercise and finding a hobby, something unrelated to the stress source. For me it's Zentangles doodling and polymer clay sculpting. Repeated patterns in zentangles are very soothing for me and just art in general makes me feel in control.

 

Just an idea. :)

[besroma]

Prayer, reading Psalms, and outdoor exercise help me the most. :grouphug:

[helena]

:grouphug:

In addition to the great advice you've already gotten, fresh cozy pjs, fireplace and a cuddle or good book, chick flick, epsom bath, comfort food, nature walk/hike, ironing... :tongue_smilie: (it works for me).

 

Seasonal decorating/crafts-

[jujsky]

No advice for you. I'm lousy at coping with stress and anxiety. :grouphug: If you find something that works, please post back and let those who are like you know.

[Rosie_0801]

I only have problems with anxiety when my serotonin levels have tanked. That happens when I've not slept well enough to be able to eat properly for a few weeks. Make yourself eat, even if it is only a couple of dates. Dates contain the precursor to serotonin, so they'll help a bit. Also try putting some essential oil on your pillow to help calm you at night. It's not magic, but it can help. Lavender works for a lot of people, though not for me. I've had success with majorum essential oil. Give them the sniff test before you buy. If you hate the smell, it won't work. If you do like the smell, it will at least keep you in bed sniffing it which is more conducive to nodding off than is getting up in frustration.

 

:grouphug:

[Mom in High Heels]

Wine. :smilielol5: Why don't we have a wine smilie?

 

Seriously though, I take a couple of medications. I'm on Wellbutrin and Lamotragin. They help. It's gone up considerable since James Bond left for Afghanistan and my doc may up my meds. If you can find a few minutes of quiet every day, that helps. Han Solo takes a nap in the afternoon and Indy either goes outside or plays in his room and I just sit in the silence and try to relax. It helps.

[Night Elf]

Before I started meds for anxiety, it was greatly helped by my getting out of the house alone and into a different mindset for a little while. My favorite thing to do was browse at Barnes and Noble, sometimes with a Starbucks. It's not something I did every day but it was definitely helpful when I did manage to go.

[dancer67]

I have severe anxiety as well. So I am going to follow this thread closely. I currently take Tranxene, which does help some. I will not take xanax or ativan because the are so addictive.

The issue with me is that my anxiety gets so bad, I cannot even move, or cannot even get off the chair sometimes. I can't get in the car and drive, or go for walks. it can be paralyzing.

I am dealing with something right now that is completely out of my control. And it paralyzes me with fear. And looking at the end result of it doesn't seem to be comforting at all. Because it might very well be the worse case scenario, and I am not so sure I can handle that.

I do know that people with anxiety have control issues, and many of us tend to have OCD issues. I have a bad way of thinking that I have tried to get away from. But it hasn't worked so well.

And letting go, and letting God take over is a hard thing to do. Especially when our anxiety is caused by lack of control, and we do not want to give that up to anyone.

:grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

15 minutes a day of reading the Psalms,

 

15 minutes outdoors

 

15 minutes of exercise.

 

They work wonders,

 

I also need to journal my prayers. For whatever reason, that makes my prayers more tangible. Like I really did give my worries to the Lord.

[dsmith]

For a temporary situation, I would go with Xanax. I wouldn't normally go this route, but sometimes it is needed. For example, when my mom was dying from cancer I asked my doctor for a prescription. I was such a wreck it was making me physically sick. The Xanax took the edge off enough that it eased the horrible feeling in my stomach, I could eat and sleep better, etc. I was able to focus more on my mom's needs and make it through those rough nights in the hospital. For ordinary stress I go with more natural methods, but something major that I just can't do anything about, I go with Xanax. It's very rare that I finish the prescription.

:grouphug:

[Scarlett]

My go to solutions are clean like a mad woman. Read to my son. Go for a walk. Pray. And a relaxation exercise my mom taught me....I lie down and 'talk' to every part of my body beginning with my toes and working my way up to my head. I tell each part to relax and I try to sink that part as deep into the surface I m on as I can.

[AlmiraGulch]

Another suggestion to see your doctor about possibly taking something. I have taken Celexa on and off for years. Mostly off, but after my horrible year this year with work I had to do something. It helped almost immediately. He also prescribed Xanax, which I have taken on occasion but with the Celexa controlling the anxiety daily I really don't need it. And yes, Xanax can be addictive but it isn't for me.

 

On the medication, my mind shuts off and I actually sleep at night. I no longer sit frozen into inaction. I don't snap at everyone around me. I actually respond appropriately to whatever is put in front of me. I'll take it until my life settles down and then I'll wean off.

 

All this to say, just don't be afraid to explore it as an option. For me, it's literally a lifesaver.

[elegantlion]

I've developed anxiety. I've had a lot of carp in my life and typically just plow through it all knowing it's only temporary. Lately I have some things I can't do a darn thing about and I've had numerous panic attacks right when I go to bed. Medication is not an option right now, but drinking is. :cursing: Sort of kidding. I used to have a heavy bag, one of those punching things. I enjoyed working up a good sweat just hitting the bag with some loud music on the Mp3. Even that isn't an option right now, which circles back to one of the reasons I'm having anxiety.

 

Music, writing, doing something goofy help. Listing out the things I can do about the situation are helpful. Doing something for someone else has helped. Purging stuff, cleaning (my dh know is my house is spotless then I'm in a bad mood about something). Ironically, finding something that will get done and stay done helps. Right now that's algebra as I work ahead of ds. I also nap, I need the down time after school. I have insomnia too and lack of sleep exaggerates everything.

 

I also like just going to drive around in the country. Back roads, old barns, old trees, and cows. Rolling pastures and gravel roads kind of help me realize the things that matter. Enjoying nature. There is a cemetery where many of my relatives are buried. It's in a tiny town sitting on a hill. The sky is so wide up there, you can hear a cow or a dog barking in the background. There are always birds singing there. It sounds odd, but it's very peaceful. You can see for miles in one direction and there is nothing but farms on that side. I'm not a country person, but it calms me down. Unfortunately I haven't been able to do that either since dh has the car for work.

[KRG]

No advice for you. I'm lousy at coping with stress and anxiety. :grouphug: If you find something that works, please post back and let those who are like you know.

 

 

Yes, this would be me...my other options are driving around by myself, walking around Target or getting a coke from sonic, some kind of junk food and watching mind-numbing tv...

[lovinmomma]

If there's nothing I can do about it, what works best for me is keeping busy at things just difficult enough to occupy thought and not enough to induce stress. My house is never as clean as these moments.

 

~audiobooks with light or humorous themes

~playlist with peaceful or upbeat music

~keep expectations low, cut yourself (and others) slack

~keep in contact with others, be a friend

~be aware of other's problems, do what you can to help

~be active in the evening, wear yourself out before bed

~know how temporary most things in life are, you will probably outlast this too

 

Good ideas!

[lovinmomma]

Wine. :smilielol5: Why don't we have a wine smilie?

 

 

Such a very good question! lol

[Joanne]

If your body is such that you need an Rx to assist, remember that your body needs a constant therapeutic level, so I encourage you to see a Dr. and not let the Rx lapse. You are worth caring for consistently.

 

Some ideas for helping:

 

1. Decide, in advance, some comforting saying or scripture to repeat like a mantra when intrusive thoughts come. Use the designated words to push out the worry content.

 

2. Meditate. The research on meditation is compelling. There are many forms and types, and many good Christian ideas (such as centering prayer, Lectio Divina). Meditation is not an in the moment response, it is a proactive one that, used regularly, has pervasive positive effects medically and mental healthy.

 

3. Exercise, as suggested upthread.

 

4. Determine and act on whether you are an introvert or extrovert. If you are skewed on the continuum, make *sure* you feed your orientation.

 

5. Determine your triggers (noise, mess, lack of sleep, blood sugar), etc. Be proactive on blocking extra stress in that way.

 

6. Do what you *can*. Make a plan, written, for what you can, and follow through.

 

7. A "God box" can be a helpful, tangible way to let go. Write out short summaries of the issue. Say a prayer that you are giving it to God. Put the written summary in the God box. Tell God that you will rely on Him. Next time the thought comes, go back to suggestion #1. :)

 

8. A gratitude list (3 things, morning and night) might help.

 

9. Purposely find and manufacture joy, playfulness, and affection.

 

10. Limit junk food, junk entertainment.

 

11.Be aware you are at risk for comorbid issues (depression, process addiction such as internet).

 

 

 

This list has many things that help to change (in a positive way) your body's chemistry and therefore your "mood." They are not simply good ideas, they have researched and scientific basis to help your body in general chemically and structurally.

[Mergath]

Another vote for the drugs. Celexa for everyday, Ativan for special occasions. ;) Sometimes your brain gets so used to being in a state of anxiety that you can't get back to normal without medication.

[waa510]

Cleaning, as a pp mentioned, has been surprisingly helpful for me. It can be so satisfying to scrub the carp out of my house and feel in control of the process and its outcome when life is feeling so chaotic. I sometimes go to Panera or some other quiet place on my own to veg or curric plan and that helps quite a bit. I've found B12 tablets to be helpful as well. I originally bought them when we first went vegetarian as that was my doctor's concern nutritionally, and I noticed feeling more stable and less anxious when I'd remember to take them.

[Perogi]

Thank you so, so much everyone.

 

I am taking note and trying some of these things. I do desperately want to start doing Couch to 5K - hopefully by the end of the week. I also had a long chat with my mother-in-law this afternoon who is amazing and who has struggled mightily with anxiety herself. It helped too. I have started quoting scripture when I am getting anxious and have a new mental picture (thanks to MIL) of God covering my house and family the way a hen covers her chicks. That, for some reason, is really helping. I had a good long emotional prayer today and think I need to remember that I need to KEEP doing that (you know, pray continually) rather than thinking that praying once is like a magic bullet. For a while this afternoon I could actually think about the situation and not get that gross feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 

Unfortunately I think my worst case scenario is pretty bad.....Dh assures me that it will never get as bad as I think it will but I'm not quite as hopeful as he. It would be financially devestating.

 

I did manage to eat a piece of toast with avocado, some dates, and a muffin. And dh got me a dr. appt for Friday (he had to call his parents to come and babysit). I really hope that meds will help.

 

Thank you again - I will be reading and rereading this thread over the next few days.

[Laurie4b]

You've gotten really good advice already.

 

One thing I would add that is not mentioned yet is to consider the fact that you are losing real quality of life days that you won't get back over something that hasn't happened yet. I had really bad anxiety when I first got married when certain health issues would come up. I learned from my dh whose motto is: "I won't worry until I know I have something to worry about." When you're worrying about possible scenarios of what "might happen", you're actually worrying about more than you'll ever have to handle, because only one future will happen. If you allow yourself to cope with it when it does, you can handle it much better. What I'm guessing you're trying to do now is cope with several futures at once, and it's more than a human being can handle! Additionally, the fact is that most of our worries never materialize, so we have wasted that time on something that never happened. It can take a while to get that through your head, but once it does, it's really helpful.

 

The combination of these two verses is helpful to me: Matt. 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

So if today you do not have to cope with the thing, don't try. I practiced this going through chemo. I would know that on days 6-10, I would hardly be able to eat. Or on day 3-5, I would have bad bone pain, etc. However, I would tell myself, "Today I just have to cope with bone pain. I can still eat fine." One day at a time.

 

Lamentations 3: 22-Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.²³ They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

 

I like this idea that the Lord's compassions are new every morning. I believe they are sufficient for what you need THAT day. You are not dealing with financial ruin today. So don't. Just deal with what you DO have to deal with today, and know that the Lord's compassions are sufficient to get you through. One day at a time.

 

I also think anxiety can sometimes be a way to try to control something. "If I worry about it enough, maybe I'll come up with a solution." If thinking about it is generating actual solutions, write them down. If not, it can help to verbalize this to yourself.

 

And exercise. It works as well as a drug. Preferably outside. (Others have already said that, but I find that it is an important key.)

[Perogi]

You are right - I had thought today that I am likely doing worse to myself by stress than what our actual worse case scenario could do to us. And everyone else I'm talking to about it in our family and close friends truly believes that my worse case scenario is outside of what is even likely to happen. I don't think I'm dealing with multiples futures, I am obsessing the worst case as our future and we are really not there yet. I must learn to focus just on today - daily bread, and all that.

 

You are also right that my worry is an attempt to control - to NOT trust God to handle it.

 

I have realized that my faith was actually in a good job, a nice, safe house, our health, etc. All things that can fail. A false sense of security.

 

I am praying that one day I will actually thank God for this situation. I am praying that I will learn so much and grow in my faith so much that I will rejoice in having had this opportunity.

 

Outside - I'm not so good at that. I must make a better effort. I know my kids would love it if I suddenly put a daily walk on our schedule.

[Joanne]

Perogi?

 

You are free to disregard this post because I am not a believer anymore.

 

But I don't see how the Christian-guilt you are heaping on yourself is helping you. I see it hurting you in the above and first post. Sure, you can prooftext and get a few verses that remind people to not complain. But Christians have an entire BOOK in the Bible of whining, complaining, and drama. 2 if you count Lamentations in addition to Psalms.

 

I don't believe for a second that an authentic God expects rainbows, unicorns, and lollipops to spew from your orifices daily.

 

It is ok that you worry about your life. Truly. If there is a Christian God, and He is full of grace, he gets it. If there is a Christian God, he made anxiety, too.

 

Give yourself a break,k?

[Mrs Mungo]

I think Joanne's posts are great. I agree with her that it is *okay* to complain. I agree with all of the posts about exercise. Forget couch to 5k, too complicated. Go walk up and down your block for ten minutes, three times a day.have a wiggle break in the middle of the day-put on a happy song and everyone dance around for ten minutes. Rest your mind and body in the evening. Simplify your meals. Take a bath with Epsom salts and a lavender candle. Relax your mind. Have a glass of wine. Read a book to keep your mind occupied with other thoughts just before bed.

 

But, I will also say that prayer is what helps me most in relieving my anxiety of situations that I cannot control. I love to be in control. Wen I am not, then it is stressful. Denying that I should be stressed doesn't help. What helps is saying, "God, I am only one tiny person. I cannot do a thing about X. Please take this burden from my shoulders. I cannot carry it; it is crushing me. I need your help." Being perfect or maintaining a perfect veneer is as much of an idol as anything else might be. That idea of a Christian who never worries, like Joanne says, the guilt isn't worth it.

 

None of us are perfect. If you need help from those around you, then that's okay. It is okay to say, "hey, I cannot do this activity/volunteer job/whatever until my life is a little less crazy." It is okay to call a friend and say that you need help with something or a night out. It is okay to ask your doctor if there is a medication that might help, if your anxiety is debilitating enough. It is okay not to be as cool as a cucumber. Expecting too much of yourself is just an additional burden that you are adding to your already heavy pack. Let the ideal go. How can people around you help? Ask. How can God help? Ask. Can this be humbling? Yes, ask me how I know (and I am an admitted control freak with a perfectionist streak). But, it is often a necessary part of getting what you need.

[gardenmom5]

anxiety causes an actual change in the brain that is similar to the effect depression has on the brain.

 

I am also a woman of faith. that said, I believe God gave me a brain and expects me to use it. We have tremendous resources, and I don't think there is anything wrong with seeking what help there is. After all, we can pray and have faith we will find what will be most helpful. ;)

 

exercise (3x a week at least.)

I have a son with anxiety as part of his ASD diagnosis. - his ND put him on:

l-theanine. 200mg (his ND likes thorne or tolerates NOW brands. I just order on amazon 'cause I have prime.)

GABA we started at 250 pharmagaba 3x per day. I had to bump him up to 500mg. He now only takes it 2x per day.

 

they made huge differences. I also started a *very* skeptical family member on them who has dealt with anxiety for quite awhile. family member likes them and feels better/calmer. this depsite regular exercise for years.

 

I found a good stress b-complex was helpful. for a long time, I only noticed a difference if I didn't take it for a week or so.

[TammyinTN]

To get rid of anxiety...I exercise hard for an hour a day. I try really hard to eat proper meals and write in my gratitude journal. Focusing on the positive and letting the negative stuff go...really helps me.

[BrookValley.]

Perogi?

 

You are free to disregard this post because I am not a believer anymore.

 

But I don't see how the Christian-guilt you are heaping on yourself is helping you. I see it hurting you in the above and first post. Sure, you can prooftext and get a few verses that remind people to not complain. But Christians have an entire BOOK in the Bible of whining, complaining, and drama. 2 if you count Lamentations in addition to Psalms.

 

I don't believe for a second that an authentic God expects rainbows, unicorns, and lollipops to spew from your orifices daily.

 

It is ok that you worry about your life. Truly. If there is a Christian God, and He is full of grace, he gets it. If there is a Christian God, he made anxiety, too.

 

Give yourself a break,k?

 

Everyone else has given you good advice, too, but if you only listen to one person, I would listen to Joanne (and of course, go see your doctor)!

 

I worry about lots that I cannot control, too, and sometimes it reaches that breaking point. I'm sitting here at the computer at 3:30 a.m. (I've been up since 1 a.m.) because my brain won't stop. I'll echo what many others have said about exercise--like Mrs. Mungo said, definitely don't wait to start a program, just go do something. But I would suggest at some point, if you can, download one of the free mp3s for couch to 5k and do it. It's a great way to get started. Running is my drug and it's very effective.

 

Other things that have helped me (YMMV):

 

Cutting way back or cutting out caffeine

Large doses of quality DHA

Avoiding processed carbs and sugars

Getting enough sleep. Not like right now. :tongue_smilie:

Pounding myself into the pavement on a regular basis. I'm pregnant now and, while I'm still running, I can't run the distances I was. Also, I work a full-time job from home and I've been extremely busy (and work involves stressful deadlines); that, coupled with the weather getting sketchy as we head into winter, means not enough opportunities to go hit the trail, either. So, my husband rigged up a laptop desk on my treadmill. This way I can at least be walking while getting work done. I find it hilarious and a little bit absurd, but it works! I'll take little breaks to get in a mile or two of running, then go back to walking/working. I further break up the day with homeschooling and hanging out with my kiddo and cleaning in short 15-minute bursts. There's nothing worse for my mood than being stuck in my chair for 16 hours a day!

[Scarlett]

Thank you so, so much everyone.

 

I am taking note and trying some of these things. I do desperately want to start doing Couch to 5K - hopefully by the end of the week. I also had a long chat with my mother-in-law this afternoon who is amazing and who has struggled mightily with anxiety herself. It helped too. I have started quoting scripture when I am getting anxious and have a new mental picture (thanks to MIL) of God covering my house and family the way a hen covers her chicks. That, for some reason, is really helping. I had a good long emotional prayer today and think I need to remember that I need to KEEP doing that (you know, pray continually) rather than thinking that praying once is like a magic bullet. For a while this afternoon I could actually think about the situation and not get that gross feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 

Unfortunately I think my worst case scenario is pretty bad.....Dh assures me that it will never get as bad as I think it will but I'm not quite as hopeful as he. It would be financially devestating.

 

I did manage to eat a piece of toast with avocado, some dates, and a muffin. And dh got me a dr. appt for Friday (he had to call his parents to come and babysit). I really hope that meds will help.

 

Thank you again - I will be reading and rereading this thread over the next few days.

 

 

I don't know how bad your worst case scenario is in your mind....but we just came out of a very scary 4 month period where dh was very sick and couldn't work and we didn't know what was wrong with him and short term disability was slooow coming thru. I was terrified. On the financial side I finally just got to the point of thinking to myself, well they can't eat us!

 

You have family so I doubt you will be out on the street. I figured even if we had to go live in my parents very old and small guest house we would be warm and fed and together.

 

Imagining the worst case for me was that dh was going to die. When I thot about that I realized I could stand anything else quite easily.

[Guest]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. This year has been a very anxiety producing year, my worst yet. It got to the point where I wasn't sleeping and I wouldn't go out of the house. It wasn't so much that I didn't want to leave my house, but that every time I went out, people asked what was wrong and why I looked so tired. When I'd try to explain, no one ever understood. You've gotten some good advice here, and I am sending up a prayer for you.

[laughing lioness]

This is how I manage anxiety. Not everything is actually helpful, but I thought I'd be honest: exercise to the point of really sweating, vast amounts of coffee, chewing my nails, twirling my hair, crying, talking with my dh, praying, going to a 12 step group (one of the best things I've done all year), making decisions about what I WANT to do instead of what i HAVE to do, journaling, making lists, planning something, reading a book, writing about a book, blogging, watching funny movies, reading books about commedienes, working on my goals. Reading books that remind me that I am.not.stuck. Remembering that my circumstances don't define my life and that I do have options.

[Parrothead]

Well, if you can't control what is happening, you need to accept it. Once you accept it you can properly deal with it.

 

So your worst case scenario is financial devastation. What are you doing about it except wringing your hands? Be proactive. You need to get on the ball and get things moving to keep your family together and healthy. Make a list of things that need to be taken care of. Start gathering what you will sell. Look into what it will take to keep your house. Do you need to get it ready to sell? Look at what it will take to get the kids on state health insurance. Put your resume together. Take back control of what is going on around you.

 

It is all well and good to have faith in God. But you need to also have faith in yourself. And you not having enough faith isn't what has caused these issues to crop up. Pray for direction on how you (and your dh) should manage the situation(s) coming at you.

[Heathermomster]

Prayer, friends, chocolate, serving others....That's how I deal with anxiety. Generally, DH and I st down and come up with a plan..whenever a plan is possible. Dude is rock solid.

[Perogi]

Well, if you can't control what is happening, you need to accept it. Once you accept it you can properly deal with it. So your worst case scenario is financial devastation. What are you doing about it except wringing your hands? Be proactive. You need to get on the ball and get things moving to keep your family together and healthy. Make a list of things that need to be taken care of. Start gathering what you will sell. Look into what it will take to keep your house. Do you need to get it ready to sell? Look at what it will take to get the kids on state health insurance. Put your resume together. Take back control of what is going on around you. It is all well and good to have faith in God. But you need to also have faith in yourself. And you not having enough faith isn't what has caused these issues to crop up. Pray for direction on how you (and your dh) should manage the situation(s) coming at you.

 

Selling the house would not devastate me. What I'm worried about is not being able to sell the house and needing to. I don't know what we will do if our house becomes unsellable and that's my concern. I don't want to go into specifics because I don't want to get sucked into listening to positive and negative stories of people who have been in our exact circumstance, but there is development happening around us that is extremely frustrating and out of control and I'm afraid that no one will ever want to buy my house because of it. I have "heard of" others in similar situations.

[Parrothead]

Selling the house would not devastate me. What I'm worried about is not being able to sell the house and needing to. I don't know what we will do if our house becomes unsellable and that's my concern. I don't want to go into specifics because I don't want to get sucked into listening to positive and negative stories of people who have been in our exact circumstance, but there is development happening around us that is extremely frustrating and out of control and I'm afraid that no one will ever want to buy my house because of it. I have "heard of" others in similar situations.

Is there anything you can do about it? If not, why waste energy worrying and being anxious? It is upsetting to both you and your family. If there is something you can do then get on it and stop worrying.

[Scarlett]

Selling the house would not devastate me. What I'm worried about is not being able to sell the house and needing to. I don't know what we will do if our house becomes unsellable and that's my concern. I don't want to go into specifics because I don't want to get sucked into listening to positive and negative stories of people who have been in our exact circumstance, but there is development happening around us that is extremely frustrating and out of control and I'm afraid that no one will ever want to buy my house because of it. I have "heard of" others in similar situations.

 

So you don't want to be encouraged?

 

Your house doesn't sell and you lose all the equity? That is the worst case scenario?

[Laurie4b]

You are right - I had thought today that I am likely doing worse to myself by stress than what our actual worse case scenario could do to us. And everyone else I'm talking to about it in our family and close friends truly believes that my worse case scenario is outside of what is even likely to happen. I don't think I'm dealing with multiples futures, I am obsessing the worst case as our future and we are really not there yet. I must learn to focus just on today - daily bread, and all that.

 

You are also right that my worry is an attempt to control - to NOT trust God to handle it.

 

I have realized that my faith was actually in a good job, a nice, safe house, our health, etc. All things that can fail. A false sense of security.

 

I am praying that one day I will actually thank God for this situation. I am praying that I will learn so much and grow in my faith so much that I will rejoice in having had this opportunity.

 

Outside - I'm not so good at that. I must make a better effort. I know my kids would love it if I suddenly put a daily walk on our schedule.

 

 

I know about worst case scenarios! My dh used to tease me about it. I used to wish for a game show called, "Worst case scenario" because i was sure I could win. ;)

[Spryte]

There are some great ideas here. Last year was devastating for our family, and I was constantly spinning and re-spinning scenarios in my head.

 

Excellent self care is first on my list for dealing with stress. If I were in your shoes... Eat healthy food, do your best to get enough rest. If you are spinning at night, then talk to your doc so you can get rest. Don't let Rxs, especially psych Rxs, lapse right now. Deep breathing, exercise.

 

Give yourself a set time of day to worry, if you must. It's okay to worry! What's not healthy is when it takes over your life. This stuff is out of your control, so focus on what is in your control. Focus on each meal for the family, on school, on your kiddos.

 

Last year, when our family was going through something traumatic, it amazed me that just focusing on each moment, fully, really helped. It was a form of meditation. Maybe that will help you, too.

 

:grouphug:

 

And, please, take or leave anything I said here.

 

Joanne's list above is excellent!!!!

[Perogi]

So you don't want to be encouraged?

 

Your house doesn't sell and you lose all the equity? That is the worst case scenario?

 

Ummmm.....I'm not sure what you mean by my not wanting to be encouraged? I think getting into specifics isn't so helpful because there is always someone for whom it worked out and someone for whom it didn't, kwim? I'm really not looking to be encouraged that in my particular, specific circumstance "it will all be okay" becuase I know that with this level of anxiety I won't believe it anyway. My brain will argue with it. That's why I was looking instead at ways of coping with the stress that I'm currently living with.

 

The worst case scenario is that our house WILL NOT sell and I WILL NOT be able to cope with living here because of the way the development impacts my quality of life and enjoyment of my house - it's just something that I in particular don't want to have near my home and have actively tried to avoid. And it sucks that someone else can do this and I have no control over it. So then what - what if our house won't sell - I'm stuck here?????

 

The slightly less worst case scenario is that it sells for MUCH less than we bought it for and we lose tens of thousands of dollars.

[Scarlett]

 

Ummmm.....I'm not sure what you mean by my not wanting to be encouraged? I think getting into specifics isn't so helpful because there is always someone for whom it worked out and someone for whom it didn't, kwim? I'm really not looking to be encouraged that in my particular, specific circumstance "it will all be okay" becuase I know that with this level of anxiety I won't believe it anyway. My brain will argue with it. That's why I was looking instead at ways of coping with the stress that I'm currently living with.

 

The worst case scenario is that our house WILL NOT sell and I WILL NOT be able to cope with living here because of the way the development impacts my quality of life and enjoyment of my house - it's just something that I in particular don't want to have near my home and have actively tried to avoid. And it sucks that someone else can do this and I have no control over it. So then what - what if our house won't sell - I'm stuck here?????

 

The slightly less worst case scenario is that it sells for MUCH less than we bought it for and we lose tens of thousands of dollars.

 

 

Ok, but for me wallowing in the 'worst case' scenario IS a way I cope. It helps me get to the point that I realize 'I can survive anything'.

 

I'm probably weird though. When I was going through my divorce I pretended my STBXH was dead. I found it quite helpful.

[Perogi]

Is there anything you can do about it? If not, why waste energy worrying and being anxious? It is upsetting to both you and your family. If there is something you can do then get on it and stop worrying.

 

Very basically, I could "fight" the development, but it's too late, really. It's done - approvals have happened, it's being built, etc. I think fighting it would actually induce stress because I would be so focused on it.

 

I have to just "wait and see" what happens.

[elegantlion]

Lately I've been asking myself if the zombie apocalypse actually did happen would whatever I'm worried about matter. Sometimes yes, mostly no.