Joker Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Dd (13) had a friend sleepover (also 13) this weekend and there was a bit of a modesty issue. This morning friend was getting ready and walked into the living room asking dd to help zip her dress. She was completely unzipped and it was low. Dh went into the bedroom because he felt it odd. A few minutes later he came out and friend was in the hallway putting on hose. He walked back in and didn't come out until I told him I was certain she was finished getting ready. We have a small home and almost all rooms and the guest bathroom are visible from the living room and kitchen. Both of our dds also started dressing behind closed doors at about 9/10 years old. They occasionaly need help but ask me to come to them, and they do walk in on us changing and it's no big deal (but we're family). This just felt uncomfortable to us. Are we just being to uptight or would others consider this a bit uncomfortable too? This isn't a jawn post but please be gentle if you think we're just too uptight as this is all new to us. Dd really likes this girl, has slept over at her house, and I know she will want her over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would not have been uncomfortable for myself, but I know dh would have (rightly, IMO) felt that way. I think it's one thing to be casual about dressing etc. when it's all girls, and another when its mixed company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 My dh probably would have felt a little uncomfortable. I grew up with sisters. We still change in front of each other. I would not have batted an eye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I wear a cami or tshirt/turtleneck under a dress so in my home, not a big deal. However I would put on hose in a bedroom. As a guest, I would peep my head out and call for help. At the next sleepover, maybe ask your daughter to check if her friend needs help before her friend comes out to the living room? ETA: Hubby would definately feel uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 My dh would certainly have been uncomfortable. And so would my teen boys. I feel that is inappropriate behavior as a guest. Not sure what you could/should do about it though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghee Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would not have been uncomfortable for myself, but I know dh would have (rightly, IMO) felt that way. I think it's one thing to be casual about dressing etc. when it's all girls, and another when its mixed company. :iagree: If this were a girl we knew well, and had over often, I wouldn't be upset by her doing this in front of *me*. My husband, though, would have likely died of embarassment. I spent a lot of time at a friend's house growing up, I wouldn't have done that in front of her dad. Not even really her mom, but if her mom had accidentally walked in I wouldn't have been freaked out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 Maybe that's a part of the weirdness? We don't know her that well and this was the first time she's stayed over here. I agree it wouldn't have been as odd if it was just girls. I'm glad we're not completely uptight and others feel at least their dh would have been uncomfortable like mine was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 DH would probably not be uncomfortable, but he probably would have made a joke about it to let the young lady know she was being indiscreet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would be wondering why she would even think to do that in front of your dh. Was she flirting with him? :confused: As others have already said, if it was just you and the girls, it would have been no big deal, but it seems very odd and inappropriate that she would do it with your dh in full view. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would have felt uncomfortable that she was doing it in front of my dh and he would have done what yours did and gone into hiding! I am assuming that she was just clueless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 (edited) My DH would probably feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn't. I have almost zero modesty. To me, underwear and bra are the equivalent of a bikini. NOT that *I* would wear a bikini in public because I definitely do not have a bikini body, but I assume this girl has underwear on under the dress and hose, so I don't necessarily see anything wrong with her being a little less than shy about asking to be zipped or getting her hose on. ETA: I am also the person who did rip off my t-shirt to just my bra in the middle of a huge family gathering because my shirt was ON FIRE! All of my male cousins, uncles, dad, brother were all there. I don't know if any of them felt weirded out about it, or not. I didn't think to ask because I felt fine with it while I walked through the house to get a new shirt. Edited November 4, 2012 by fraidycat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would have felt uncomfortable that she was doing it in front of my dh and he would have done what yours did and gone into hiding! I am assuming that she was just clueless. Same here. In front of other women/girls, fine. But not a man or a boy. But, most likely she is just clueless. Some people don't get it that there are things we do in front of family but not in front of others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 We would not have thought anything of it considering she was clothed, but next time remind the girls to get dressed in dd's room before coming out. We have reminded girls to please make sure they have on shorts before leaving dd's room in the morning. Some kids are not concerned about such things, and it does not hurt to remind them. Maybe this girl does not sleepover at other homes much, and her parents never thought to tell her how to handle dressing at the home of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I might have found it odd (depending on how far down her dress was), but would not have been uncomfortable. DH would have been uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 My DD is younger than your DD and the guest, but I'm the only one around when she gets dressed in the morning. My DH is sleeping due to shift schedule. So my DD is used to getting dressed in the family room or half way out of the bathroom. I would guess the girl was used to something similar at home and never had thought about staying in a bedroom or bathroom to dress. Heck when I have to put on hose or tights I'm hopping around the house throwing up my skirt and pulling them up from the family room to the front door. Some kids aren't so aware of their surroundings as others. I think it was good that your DH left the room. I would have shooshed the girls go back to a bedroom or bathroom to finish dressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 My husband said it wouldn't even cross his mind to be bothered by it. It wouldn't bother me either. Our daughter (11) still runs around before bed in a t-shirt and underwear half the time. On that note, it wouldn't faze us if she asked her best friend's dad to zip up her dress either :confused:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 I think she is just a bit clueless/unaware. She was really sweet. Maybe I'll try to think of a funny way to shoo her back into the bed/bathroom for next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 At the next sleepover, maybe ask your daughter to check if her friend needs help before her friend comes out to the living room? dd could also say, "just holler if you need help, and I'll come right in." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I think she is just a bit clueless/unaware. She was really sweet. Maybe I'll try to think of a funny way to shoo her back into the bed/bathroom for next time. That's probably the best attitude. She may come from a very open family where such things are commonplace. She probably didn't even think it would make anyone uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Is she a dancer or performer? If everyone had to take part in a production that involved quick changes, this would be a non-issue. :D From the description, it seems there were no exposed bits. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would be wondering why she would even think to do that in front of your dh. Was she flirting with him? :confused: As others have already said, if it was just you and the girls, it would have been no big deal, but it seems very odd and inappropriate that she would do it with your dh in full view. Oh, I wouldn't assume that. Different families have different attitudes about modesty in the house. If she's used to finishing dressing with her own father around and feels comfortable enough in the OP's house, then I'm sure it was completely innocent. I think most fathers would feel a bit uncomfortable about it, but I also think you don't have to make a big deal of it - just mention it next time if it happens again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyndiLJ Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Every family...and every individual, really...has their own comfort level with modesty/exposure. Some kids come to an awareness of what is appropriate a little later than others do, and some like one poster here are never really concerned with it. While my hubby would be a little uncomfortable, he wouldn't necessarily think it was "wrong", just a kid who was unaware. He would either walk away,or make a little joke so that the girl was clued in. But really, she was covered and I tend to feel as another here does, that you can go to any swimming pool and see less coverage than what was "exposed" on your young visitor, so it really wasn't that big of a deal. Since she sounds like a great kid who will be around more, maybe have your daughter make it a point to say something to her next time so she won't feel embarrassed by an adult talking to her like she committed some really bad crime. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 I never said what she did was wrong or that we would make her feel like she committed a crime. I was wondering if we were too uptight or if others might have felt uncomfortable in the same situation. I would never make her feel bad for what she did, but I will think of a way to clue her in that it's not really appropriate in our house in front of mixed company. I'm not really sure if dd would feel comfortable taking the lead on that one so I'll be thinking about how to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would be wondering why she would even think to do that in front of your dh. Was she flirting with him? :confused: As others have already said, if it was just you and the girls, it would have been no big deal, but it seems very odd and inappropriate that she would do it with your dh in full view. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would be wondering why she would even think to do that in front of your dh. Was she flirting with him? :confused: As others have already said, if it was just you and the girls, it would have been no big deal, but it seems very odd and inappropriate that she would do it with your dh in full view. My Dd wouldn't have thought anything of it since she's not use to males being around. We'd have to teach her that it's inappropriate because it really would never cross her mind. I have higher standards than most people do in regards to modesty. When DD was on a Girl Scout trip she changed into her swimsuit in a room full of girls, as did all the other girls. When she told me this I explained that she should have changed privately (due to our modesty rules). She was okay with this new wrinkle in her life. Even with that teaching in her brain, she would have felt that all the "important" bits were covered and she just needed help with the zipper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I think she is just a bit clueless/unaware. She was really sweet. Maybe I'll try to think of a funny way to shoo her back into the bed/bathroom for next time. dd could also say, "just holler if you need help, and I'll come right in." I like both of these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would have felt uncomfortable for dh, but I think it's more a matter of different parenting and approaches to modesty than either approach being wrong or inappropriate. Next time your dd can just pre-empt a repeat of the situation by saying that you prefer them to dress fully in her room. Dd had a friend over one day when dh got home from work, stripped to underwear and walked past dd's open bedroom door on the way to dropping clothes in the laundry basket. Embarrassing, but not a huge issue. He now gets written notification of any planned playdates before he arrives home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I would have felt uncomfortable that she was doing it in front of my dh and he would have done what yours did and gone into hiding! I am assuming that she was just clueless. Not necessarily. I sometimes flaunted myself in front of my friends' dads... not proud of it now but if a girl is walking out into a public space half undressed then putting on stockings in clear view of adult men, she knows what she's doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I don't know if we would have been uncomfortable. Our daughters and their friends still strip to underwear in playrooms to play dress up and we wouldn't be surprised to see one walk out a bit... um... discombobulated. I can't magine how things would feel in 3 more years. I don't think the girl was knowingly immodest, though. When my stepfather moved in, my sisters and I (who were about 20, 17, and 13) were shocked when our mother told us he wanted us to get dressed in the bathroom instead of walk from the shower to our rooms in towels. We had been doing that our whole lives, and never thought of it as immodest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 So, the only thing showing was her back? Wouldn't even be on my radar. Dh isn't here right now to ask, but I can imagine that he wouldn't think anything of it either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 My husband said it wouldn't even cross his mind to be bothered by it. It wouldn't bother me either. Our daughter (11) still runs around before bed in a t-shirt and underwear half the time. On that note, it wouldn't faze us if she asked her best friend's dad to zip up her dress either :confused:. Same here. But we don't have particularly high standards of modesty. We both have professional backgrounds seeing people in various states of undress, so we probably just don't equate it with intimacy (marital or familial), if that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.