Overscheduled kids -- Why do we do it??

[Mogster]

I remember when my children were 3 and 4. I had friends with kids in every sport/activity imaginable. All I heard from them was how they had to do this or that each day and spen x hours at different games, etc. Frequent dinners at the nearest drive-thru, messy houses, and schedules that were jammed from sunrise to the wee hours of the night. I remember thinking that I would never take that route. I cherished our unstructured time together. I loved having a clean and orderly house. I remember never hearing anyone say anything about how enjoyable these activities were -- they were only spoken of as burdens. I always asked myself why these people would do this to themselves. When did this pressure of putting our kids in so many activities begin? Why do we do it?

 

Now my children are 8 and 9. And we have become those very people I swore we wouldn't. It actually didn't become a problem until we started to homeschool. For some reason, I felt some need to compensate for them not being with kids their own age on a regular basis (stupid, I know). Before I knew it, we were wrapped up in martial arts classes 4 times per week, swim practices, meets, tournaments, art and music lessons, not to mention the seasonal soccer, basketball, and softball! Our schedules are so busy, and I want my kids to have more time to just be kids. The only problem now is that my kids love these activities. They have learned so much and are very healthy and athletic as a result. Right now, I am having a hard time deciding how much is too much. Has anyone else ever had this dillema? How did you handle it? Any advice would be appreciated. :001_smile:

[Scarlett]

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Right now, I am having a hard time deciding how much is too much. Has anyone else ever had this dillema? How did you handle it? Any advice would be appreciated. :001_smile:

 

 

Sounds like too much to me. Certainly if you are feeling overwhelmed it is too much. So just say, 'look kids, I've overscheduled you and we must cut back? What do you like best and we will keep that.'

[Danestress]

I also scoffed at the overscheduled when my kids were young.

 

And then we got overscheduled.

 

And part of it was probably compensating for perceived weaknesses of homeschool.

 

My children really love their activities though, and it's been difficult to figure out where to cut back.

 

Violin is a must have in my book - it's just part of school and life. But it does take a tremendous amount of time and energy. Right now one of my sons has a broken wrist, and frankly, I am enjoying the break!

 

Each of my sons has one sport that he is pretty dedicated to. One swims (which is a huge huge time commitment for the family). The other plays tennis. DH plays with him a lot, so that's sort of special for the two of them.

 

We did drop cub scouts and art lessons because they seemed like the activities we were getting the least amount of good out of.

 

I will say that I am almost certain that boys (and probably girls, but I don't have any) prosper from being really good at something. Exposure to 25 things doesn't seem as beneficial to excellence in one or two. So each of my boys is working hard in ONE sport he really likes. Likewise, each of my boys is working on a musical instrument. They may eventually decide to switch instruments or sports, but at least they will be GOOD at something when they are 13 and starting new things becomes harder. When my older son was that age, he wasn't really proficient in any sport of activity, and he suffered from a deep need to be "cool" with his peers, so he wasn't willing to try something new and have to be a novice at first.

 

I'm trying to do it differently with my younger two, but it's definitely a financial and time sacrifice!

[Hot Lava Mama]

baby two years ago, and it forced everything to slow down. My kids are much happier, now. I let each of them choose one thing at a time to do. Still, with 4 kids, that's a lot of running around. They tend to like to "cycle" things in and out. Granted, they aren't going to "master" anything like karate or gymnastics, but it has been our way of exposing them to many things to see where their hearts are.

Hot Lava Mama

[JennifersLost]

I'm just about to get into our craziest year yet. Four kids. Each has two to three activities. Three go to school. One high-schooler homeschools.

 

And I'm enrolling for two classes for myself at the local community college.

 

On the bright side, my kids can get to a lot of these things themselves. And every year they get older and more independent. They all know I can't hang out for all the practices and games. I tell them that their activities have to be fun for them, or else we need to give them up.

 

Bleah....I don't have much advise for you, I'm afraid. Except to enjoy this part of life, because they do grow up!

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

We run constantly, but it's not the number of activities- it's more about how deep dd is into them. Dance used to be one night a week- tap, then ballet. Two years ago she added jazz. This year, she's on the dance team, which means more time at the studio.

 

She plays soccer also. Her grandfather sponsors the team and it's comprised of very nice girls from nice families, so it's a great social outlet. During the times of year when soccer and dance go on at the same time, we are lucky to get a free weeknight in.

 

But we do nothing during the day except weekly piano, which is right down the street and we walk. So, it's an hour of music and bit of much needed exercise in the middle of the day on Mondays.

 

Sooner or later, dd is going to have to pick between dance and soccer. She is well aware of this. This year, she said she didn't want to go to soccer camp and take more dance classes instead, so she's taking 5 classes this summer. She got to try hip hop for the first time, and summer classes are a great way for her to grow as a dancer without us having to spend extra money on costumes.

 

We relish the time in between soccer seasons. Hold that thought- *I* relish the time in between soccer seasons. I was doing lesson planning today (just got done actually- YAWN!) and was reminding myself of the hell to come next month.

 

How I survive: 1. The crock pot is my best friend. 2. When I'm really tired, I ask dh or the grandparents to do the dance or soccer thing and I don't abuse it, so I know there is great likelihood of there being backup when I really need it. We used to have a friend dd could carpool with also, but they moved. 3. I make sure I have "me time" every single day- no matter what. I read, watch what I want on TV, or just sit in a quiet room and veg.

 

If I were feeling totally overwhelmed with way too many classes, I would tell my kids to pick one thing after school they want to take really seriously. If there is time, and you feel like it, then maybe one more activity just for fun. As they get older, you will notice the individual activites get more time consuming and they are forced to make choices if they want to be really really good in one thing.

 

 

Oh, BTW, I'm a wimp. I only have the one kid. Those of you with 2 or more should get a medal- seriously!

[melopher]

I'm actually at the other end right now. My kids don't really have ANY activities they are doing...but this year will be the first that I'll have them all at home and I'm starting to feel like I need to make some effort to get them out doing stuff. We aren't big on organized sports, but they like individual sports like skiing, hiking, biking, but we are in the process of moving out of the mountains and back to the city...where you can't really walk out your front door and go mountain biking :). So my question is, where do you start? How much is enough? I guess in either case it is about balance...maybe my kids can take some of your kid's activities and it'll all balance out. :)

[snickelfritz]

We have pre-enrolled for several things that I'm happy with. 3 new opportunities have come up and I've been trying to justify doing them.:001_smile:

 

Thanks for the post. It helped me.

[snickelfritz]

How's that for a reference.:tongue_smilie:

 

But, it suggested 1 physical, 1 spiritual, and 1 cultural activity. I had already pre-enrolled(therefore I've pre-paid) for some things, so I'm not quite there. But for future years, I'm going to go for that ratio.

 

I'm actually at the other end right now. My kids don't really have ANY activities they are doing...but this year will be the first that I'll have them all at home and I'm starting to feel like I need to make some effort to get them out doing stuff. We aren't big on organized sports, but they like individual sports like skiing, hiking, biking, but we are in the process of moving out of the mountains and back to the city...where you can't really walk out your front door and go mountain biking . So my question is, where do you start? How much is enough? I guess in either case it is about balance...maybe my kids can take some of your kid's activities and it'll all balance out.

[Tess in the Burbs]

But we do it here too. And I spent a lot of time fretting about it too! :001_smile:

 

Our summer so far has been basketball camp and dance for my son. Both do art camp this week and VBS is in a few weeks as well. We get a 2 week break before soccer starts this fall and silly me put both kids in a trial gymnastics class! I have already told them we can't do gymnastics this fall, lol.

 

The other fall activities were scouts and Awana's. But our church has it's own kid program during the year on another night.....so do I let them continue Awana's???? But the scout thing I am pretty sure we aren't doing this year at all.

 

I love the ratio thing. Soccer: physical. church kid club OR Awana's: spiritual. piano with mom: cultural.

 

but how to decide on Awana's or not? My kids love the program but I can't see doing it AND our church's kids program, :001_huh: see, how easy it is to get overscheduled even with the ratio???

 

I obviously have no answers, but I personally find it hard to keep the activities down to a minimum. We could do so much more but then I have to see the calendar and say no. And that is so hard. You are not alone in your struggle to get it down to a manageable level.

[Heather in Neverland]

How's that for a reference.:tongue_smilie:

 

But, it suggested 1 physical, 1 spiritual, and 1 cultural activity. I had already pre-enrolled(therefore I've pre-paid) for some things, so I'm not quite there. But for future years, I'm going to go for that ratio.

 

Thank you for this!!!!

[chiguirre]

This is the story of my life. When we started hsing, our lead therapist suggested at least 10 hours of inclusion per week for ds. That amounts to having to do something everyday to make the hours. Plus if the activity is afterschool, I have to take my oldest too and that can be a nightmare if he doesn't like the place. Honestly, I think I'm just going to throw in the towel this fall and cut back to kindermusik, dance and gymnastics. I'm really debating CCE. It interupts our weekends, ds doesn't like it, and it's not really my thing (but dh doesn't want to assume responsibility for it). Maybe after vacation, I'll have more energy, or at least more mommy-guilt?

[Peela]

It's easy to do, but I also think as homeschoolers we are perfectly justified in doing plenty more than our schooled counterparts. Finances can be a self limiting factor!

I have found that when I have overscheduled, and I have, things do balance out after a while. We took on Karate- it had been on my mind for years to do it. We loved it initially- then we realised it was becoming a drag to go out at 6pm two nights a week- right on dinner time for us. We hung in there for 6 months, getting belts and everything...then I just felt to let it go, so we pulled out. It was a relief! Soon after, we found a gymnastic class one evening a week- somehow it just clicked for my gym loving kids, much better than karate, so that took its place.

My daughter just dropped a sewing class she has been doing for 2 years- I told her I had had enough paying for it when I felt she had learned all she was going to learn from it. Instead, she will ride her bike to a local guitar class- no work for me, much, much less cost, she still gets to "do" something that afternoon.

We naturally adjust as we go. I burn out easily, so I try to be very efficient in our activities. I also rarely schedule mornings out- I fiercely protect our schooltime. And, I don't like being out at night much either, lol. So all in all, I naturally adjust whenever things get "too much". The kids are ok- they do see other kids almost every day.

[WTMindy]

It is so tempting to sign the kids up for things that would be fun for them and GOOD for them. There are too many good things to choose from. I am a compulsive joiner, so I know if it weren't for dh our kids would be in everything! But, he is VERY protective of our family time, and although sometimes it bugs me, in the end, it does allow our family to have "normal" evenings and I'm very thankful for that.

[H.S. Burrow]

My kidlets are in 4-H year round and DS is in Cub Scouts year round (but a lot of what he does can be applied to school). They are each allowed to pick one seasonal sport - at this time.

 

As they get older, they know that they will have to make choices about what activities they choose to do.

[nmoira]

That would be too much for us. I'm willing to commit to four activities per week, including one weekend day. That makes two unique activities per child; however, since they currently want to do the same things, they both get four plus as many summer camps as we can reasonably afford. I'll have to bend my four day rule for a couple years starting in December until they can be in the same Aikido class again... I hope it's not a slippery slope. :)

[Jenny in Florida]

I know not all kids do. And I sometimes wish mine didn't, but they do.

 

My daughter happened to be sitting behind me when I clicked on this thread, and she read the title and quipped, "It's not possible to overschedule me."

 

I don't agree, but she is certainly happiest--and most productive--when she's busy. And, for her, just the right amount of busy is more than most people would have any desire to do.

 

My son is just a highly social and extremely energetic guy. So, for him, the outside activities meet those needs, which would not be met hanging around the house with me. With my daughter away for most of the last academic year, I was able to build a schedule that was all about his activities for the very first time. We booked him so that he had somewhere to go and something to do every weekday and a couple of Saturdays each month. It was absolutely amazing what a difference it made in his attitude about schoolwork and the whole way we interacted.

 

Left to my own devices, I'm much more of a homebody, but that's not how my kids function.

 

Of course, I suppose that means they're not really "over" scheduled, right? If they're happy and thriving with the amount of outside activities, then that must mean it's not too much . . . for them. I've definitely had times over the past couple of years, though, when it felt like too much for me.

[Tracey in TX]

I remember when my children were 3 and 4. I had friends with kids in every sport/activity imaginable. All I heard from them was how they had to do this or that each day and spen x hours at different games, etc. Frequent dinners at the nearest drive-thru, messy houses, and schedules that were jammed from sunrise to the wee hours of the night. I remember thinking that I would never take that route. I cherished our unstructured time together. I loved having a clean and orderly house. I remember never hearing anyone say anything about how enjoyable these activities were -- they were only spoken of as burdens. I always asked myself why these people would do this to themselves. When did this pressure of putting our kids in so many activities begin? Why do we do it?

 

Now my children are 8 and 9. And we have become those very people I swore we wouldn't. It actually didn't become a problem until we started to homeschool. For some reason, I felt some need to compensate for them not being with kids their own age on a regular basis (stupid, I know). Before I knew it, we were wrapped up in martial arts classes 4 times per week, swim practices, meets, tournaments, art and music lessons, not to mention the seasonal soccer, basketball, and softball! Our schedules are so busy, and I want my kids to have more time to just be kids. The only problem now is that my kids love these activities. They have learned so much and are very healthy and athletic as a result. Right now, I am having a hard time deciding how much is too much. Has anyone else ever had this dillema? How did you handle it? Any advice would be appreciated. :001_smile:

Our lives morph as our children grow. What we deem acceptable when they're young might not necessarily be the life your children and you are meant to lead as they grow and their needs expand.

Our lives have ALWAYS been crazy (we used to call it "crazy Thursday" with activities from 4-9pm. Now it's almost every night like this). I wish the kiddos had a bit more down time, but they love what they do. What should they give up? A sport they love? Music? Art/drama? Sunday school? Having multiple children really complicates the schedule, but if you believe in having a family centered home maybe allowing them to find their love (physical, spiritual, artistic) is imperative. I also believe children who are homeschooled probably need the social outlet more than their traditional schooled peers. (This is my perception, so please don't flame me ;))

 

You asked how to handle this? I'm hoping that our 24 hour day is expanded to 36 hours so we can actually fit in the house cleaning, shopping, and sleep!:lol: There is no magical solution; it's about prioritizing one's own life. I value the children's personal growth in certain outlets (sports) over, say, sewing and basket weaving class. It's where our strength and interests lie. Decide what's important, commit to it. Then figure out the logistics later!

[Kris]

Our neighbors are like that -- if there's anything going, their kids are in it. I always wondered when they got their school work done (they're in PS), because Mom was picking them up after school, running them to this and that, and then they wouldn't get home until after 10 at night.

 

But it works for them. Well, they're happy, anyway. I found out that they *don't* get their school work done -- LOL! -- but it doesn't bother any of them.

 

I agree, though, that if it's something that's bothering you, you should probably cut down. I'd ask the kids what they want to keep, but if they can't decide, you probably have to. You're the only one who really knows how they're doing.

 

Good luck!

[Mom-to-three-sons]

I am not sure if my oldest would be receiving the scholarship he has now if not for those activities.

 

I am certain that my middle son would not be at the US Coast Guard Academy now if not for those....

 

and just tonight, my youngest who has received the straggling left-over parcels of our time (won't go into why - not really a good idea) was crying because he is not GOOD at any one "thing". His brothers excelled at Piano, Basketball (even though they were under 5' 10"), and Civil Air Patrol...and had experience in Scripture Memory, Cub Scouts, Chess Club, Choir,etc.

 

Two weeks ago we were out together alone and I was trying to convince him to get excited about at least ONE extra-curriculur activity. He balked at all of them...but I know it is because he fears he is "behind" others his age at each available activity. How SAD! It's true, but he has to believe he can be something.

 

I agree with the previous poster who stated that BOYS need to have something they can say they are good at, but it probably goes for girls, too. Dr. Dobson stresses this fact. IF you could expose them to several activities at a younger age and then find one - maybe two - that fit, you could possibly stick with and concentrate on those. Sports - several different ones - that may be okay as long as their schedules do not overlap much during the year.

 

WHY do we do this? I do not think it is 100% home - school. It is an epidemic! My personal opinion has to do with my belief system...and you can email me or PM me, if you would like me to answer that. I don't mind posting it here...but this is already long.

[Julpost]

I am not sure if my oldest would be receiving the scholarship he has now if not for those activities.

 

I am certain that my middle son would not be at the US Coast Guard Academy now if not for those....

 

and just tonight, my youngest who has received the straggling left-over parcels of our time (won't go into why - not really a good idea) was crying because he is not GOOD at any one "thing". His brothers excelled at Piano, Basketball (even though they were under 5' 10"), and Civil Air Patrol...and had experience in Scripture Memory, Cub Scouts, Chess Club, Choir,etc.

 

Two weeks ago we were out together alone and I was trying to convince him to get excited about at least ONE extra-curriculur activity. He balked at all of them...but I know it is because he fears he is "behind" others his age at each available activity. How SAD! It's true, but he has to believe he can be something.

 

I agree with the previous poster who stated that BOYS need to have something they can say they are good at, but it probably goes for girls, too. Dr. Dobson stresses this fact. IF you could expose them to several activities at a younger age and then find one - maybe two - that fit, you could possibly stick with and concentrate on those. Sports - several different ones - that may be okay as long as their schedules do not overlap much during the year.

 

WHY do we do this? I do not think it is 100% home - school. It is an epidemic! My personal opinion has to do with my belief system...and you can email me or PM me, if you would like me to answer that. I don't mind posting it here...but this is already long.

 

Very good points about boys needing to excel at something....that's something we are working on helping my ds find right now. He's not good at sports at all....but he loves scouts so we're hoping he'll pursue his Eagle scout. He also loves to sing and was accepted into the local youth orchestra chorus chorale-which costs $500 that we do not have but will find a way to pay for...

[Kris]

and just tonight, my youngest who has received the straggling left-over parcels of our time (won't go into why - not really a good idea) was crying because he is not GOOD at any one "thing". His brothers excelled at Piano, Basketball (even though they were under 5' 10"), and Civil Air Patrol...and had experience in Scripture Memory, Cub Scouts, Chess Club, Choir,etc.

 

Two weeks ago we were out together alone and I was trying to convince him to get excited about at least ONE extra-curriculur activity. He balked at all of them...but I know it is because he fears he is "behind" others his age at each available activity. How SAD! It's true, but he has to believe he can be something.

 

I just wanted to let you know that my son went through the same thing. He loved football but was not good at it -- and actually joined the league so he could play with his friend who WAS good at it. So my son ended up going to all the practices (and of course we paid all the fees) but he never got to play in any of the games. He was very disappointed.

 

At 6'6" he hates basketball -- and really isn't much good at that, either, even though Coach told him all he had to do was stand under the basket. :lol:

 

I didn't think we'd find anything for him, either. When I told him that I had found a Taekwondo class that was close to us that we could afford, he didn't even want to go watch a class, let alone participate. I didn't blame him, really, but I insisted. That was about two years ago.

 

A month ago he brought home a 2nd place trophy in sparring and a 1st place trophy in weapons from the ATA World Championships in Little Rock. He is doing great.

 

His fears are totally understandable, but there is something out there for your son -- it's just a matter of finding it.

[Michelle in MO]

made the same mistake a number of times. It's taken us a long time to learn not to overschedule things, and I think we still fall into that trap.

 

I remember one summer, years ago, when we had the kids so overscheduled that my middle dd was really stressed out! Dh and I had a talk and I said, "This is crazy! Kids shouldn't be stressed out in the summer!" We had to cut back, but we've still fallen into that trap.

 

Good post; this is something we should all remember!

[mommylawyer]

So far, I only have one who is old enough to be truly involved in activities. She's 5 1/2 and is taking piano, right now. She was taking ballet, but she (yes, she) decided she didn't want to do it any longer. (Actually, I'm quite glad about that one.

 

DH and I decided a while back to limit them to instrument lessons and then one other activity (and hopefully that activity only occurs no more than once weekly). Although, I have been thinking about swimming lessons for DD (but no competitive swimming).

 

Although, I did have a taste of hectic for the month of June. My oldest was in art camp the first week, riding camp the second week, swim lessons the

third and fourth weeks. So tired! (Me, that is.)

[Marie in Oh]

they are allowed 3 activities each-- 2 of them are predetermined: AWANA and piano. The third is usually a sport-- ds plays soccer. That's his thing. Dd1 plays seasonal sports with her friends- soccer, basketball, softball though she is really liking horses so I can see her changing to that in the near future. The next two girls do gymnastics year around. The oldest 2 did 4-H this summer, but we didn't do anything else. The last two are too little to do anything. It is hard to keep up with it all. I think it is just the season of our lives. By all means, cut back if you are stressed. We've been at it for quite a while, so we have a grove we get into when soccer starts, etc. I am geraing up for it to start in about 3 weeks.

[abreakfromlife]

well my kids are still young, so I can still sit back and say we won't overschedule and what a terrible thing it is :lol: I know the tendency is going to be to overschedule, and with 5 kids, if all of them even do one thing, I know it might feel like a lot. We're already starting to think ahead as to what that might look like, and we've already tentatively decided that if it is getting too hectic, then one or two kids might have to sit out for a season and not do something for the sake the family and family time. I just read a couple of books - I know I've included them in a few different posts now, so hopefully no one's annoyed yet ;) But they are very very good, and very helpful, and it has helped me to focus on the end goal and what we ant to do in the meantime to reach that goal. A Nation of Wimps and Revolutionary Parenting

 

Nation of Wimps really shows how overscheduling is bad for kids, including developmentally. There is a lot of brain activity that happens in downtime. Not having free time really hinders a person's development. Maybe that's not such a big issue in homeschooling, where the kids are home during the day and probably have more free time than the ps kid does, but that's still a caution to me to not let my kids get overinvolved.

[Haiku]

Has anyone else ever had this dillema? How did you handle it? Any advice would be appreciated. :001_smile:

 

We have three kids. My husband and I decided that we did not want to spend our evenings and weekends (family time) running hither and yon to activities and dragging the other kids along.

 

We decided that each kid can have one activity.

 

My daughter does soccer in the fall. My other daughter does hockey in the winter. My son does soccer in the spring.

 

Aside from homeschool group and storytime, we have no other regular commitments. In addition to wanting our family time to truly be family time, I also feel that I spend my days focused on my kids and what they need/want. Evenings and weekends are times to focus on something else.

 

Tara

[Sarah CB]

I will say that I am almost certain that boys (and probably girls, but I don't have any) prosper from being really good at something. Exposure to 25 things doesn't seem as beneficial to excellence in one or two. So each of my boys is working hard in ONE sport he really likes. Likewise, each of my boys is working on a musical instrument. They may eventually decide to switch instruments or sports, but at least they will be GOOD at something when they are 13 and starting new things becomes harder.

 

We do the same thing. Dh was in every sport growing up and his dad coached lots of them. Dh always felt like he was good in everything but he didn't achieve excellence in any one sport.

 

Our kids all do Taekwon-do (it cuts down on the craziness to have all three in one sport). Two of my boys do violin and the third one starts in September. Dd does piano. Those are the constant things on our schedule.

 

The other commitment is to Italian lessons. Every Saturday from October to March the kids go to Italian lessons. There are way too many benefits to drop this one and it's one where all of my kids 5 and up can go and it's only half the year.

 

We'll do the odd short-term activity; like swimming lessons but I'm going to be very careful with that this year. Last year I had about 4 weeks where we had three extra activities on top of our basics and it was really hectic.

[Ravin]

So far we have been limited to one scheduled activity at a time. It started last fall with gymnastics, then in spring a dance class followed by an art class. This summer, DD has had two sessions of swimming lessons.

 

 

That's all about to change. She's doing a weekly HS enrichment program in the fall, we're starting a Spiral Scouts circle, and likely she'll still do a city class of some sort, probably dance again, if we can afford it. Dance is easy to get in because the class is in the art center right next to the library, which we like to visit every week or two anyway. So even if we have to take the bus it won't eat the whole day.

[abreakfromlife]

We do the same thing. Dh was in every sport growing up and his dad coached lots of them. Dh always felt like he was good in everything but he didn't achieve excellence in any one sport.

 

 

See, I'd rather do it the other way. I'd rather they get to experience lots of different things to see what they might like, or where their interests might eventually lead....you can't really know what you want to do if you don't try it. There's nothing wrong with not achieving excellence in a sport or activity. Lots of kids are *just average* and that is ok. I don't want them to feel that pressure like they have to excel. As long as they are doing their best in whatever they do, I'll be happy.

[Prairie~Phlox]

Well here, we don't do it. Mainly money is the reason, but I enjoy our evenings and don't like being gone. My children are in 4-H, once a month meeting, Bible Study, Wednesday evenings and we do a homeschool co-op. If there's something that they truly want to do, then we'd consider it, but so far no one has been begging to take x or do z. So we don't. I still think my children are going to turn out just fine. They ride bikes, run, are not overweight and are healthy kids. Am I disappointed that they can't do things, No way, do I feel like they are missing something, no way. Do I feel stressed, no way!

 

Everyone has to do what's best for their family!

 

Blessings,

Phlox

[Pam Wilhelm]

We have the opposite problem......... we have nothing much scheduled outside of home. HS groups don't like me...... and I'm not overly thrilled with them. We are not sports oriented.... so we don't even try little league, etc.

 

The girls have done Summer Girl Scout Camp.... and the boy camped out with hubby (at the same time... it was glorious! The first time in 10 years that I have been home alone without anyone else!! ). But at this point we don't have the kids signed up for anything outside of home on a regular basis.... I like it....... very mellow around here. (...but sometimes the guilt gets to me).

[plansrme]

Children in multiple activities do learn how to budget and allocate their time well, and they learn to multitask, which is something many, many otherwise smart, well-educated individuals cannot do. I used to work with many of these young whippersnappers--they had great academic credentials and degrees from top-ranked graduate schools, but they couldn't work on more than one thing at a time to save their lives. It was a problem with clients and with their co-workers. Scheduling kids until they throw up from stress isn't, of course, the answer, but I feel that I have an obligation to give my children some practice in these important life skills.

 

Terri

[Stacia]

I sure know what you're talking about. I always wondered about families like that (long before I ever had kids myself). I wonder if we, as a society, will end up w/ a bunch of burned out, over-stressed, over-scheduled young adults? Kwim?

 

I don't feel that we're overscheduled, but it's a struggle because there are some really cool things that we could choose to join. But, I have to make myself *not* sign the kids up, kwim? (Ultimately, it's me choosing/making the decision to sign up, not the kids. So, I see it as my issue.) I think the struggle will just get harder as the kids age too. But, when I look back on my own childhood, I did plenty of things, but not all at the same time. I really ever had only one outside thing at a time (often art classes in my case). So, I still had a lot of 'free' time as a kid.

 

Right now, my oldest is in Dutch school (one afternoon a week, the entire school year). That is non-negotiable as dh & I want her to go. We'd like ds to go, but he doesn't yet. At least when he does end up going, he will be in a class at the same time/day.

 

Since the eldest is in one activity of our (parents) choosing, we let her do one activity of her choosing. She has chosen horse-riding. She was somewhat interested in girl scouts last year, and I told her fine -- but that she would have to choose between riding & scouts. She stuck w/ riding. Her stable now has a 'saddle club' which meets for a few hours on Saturday afternoons once a month. That is ok too -- the stable is very near to our house & we can drop her off for the club meetings. Once a month is do-able, imo. I also sometimes have her participate in an art workshop (which is a one-day/one-time thing), if a neat one comes up. Basically, it's not a long-term commitment on our part & it's easy to see if we can add something in for a one- or two-time class.

 

Ds is not so interested in activities (at least not yet). That's fine w/ me as long as he wants to wait, lol. Last year, he did participate on a Jr. Lego League team (most of the fall, into the winter a little bit). The meetings for our particular group were on the weekends and we ended up hating that.

 

So, my general guideline on outside activities for our kids:

One of our (parents) choosing & one chosen by the child. Preferably a once-a-week class w/ no additional time commitment. No weekend classes/activities if at all possible (unless it's rare). Our family time is on the weekends & we found that we don't really like interrupting it. It's when we chill out together, have fun, & get ready for the upcoming week. I don't mind adding a special workshop or a short-lived class (a few weeks) as long as it's just that... short-lived.

 

By limiting our 'organized activity' schedule, we have enough time to devote to meeting friends to play, going to see shows, going to musuems, etc... w/out feeling hurried or stressed because we've got to get back to a certain class or practice. We also tend to travel quite a bit which is another reason that I like to limit how much we're signed up to do here at home. I don't want to commit & then feel like we're not pulling our weight by not being there or feeling like I'm wasting the money I've spent for classes when we don't attend.

 

I do feel like kids need plenty of time to be kids (not scheduled from dawn to dusk) & I try to keep that in mind when I see a tempting class or activity. I try to keep Less Is More as my mantra. (Or, maybe Just Say No, lol.)

[abreakfromlife]

I wonder if we, as a society, will end up w/ a bunch of burned out, over-stressed, over-scheduled young adults?

Yup. We already are. Colleges are really having a hard time now b/c their mental health resources are getting swamped. Numbers of college students on antidepressants, dealing with eating disorders, cutting....all of that has shown a huge increase in the past few years.

 

 

not that the cause of that is solely overscheduling, of course, but that does play very heavily into it.

[Haiku]

Children in multiple activities do learn how to budget and allocate their time well, and they learn to multitask,

 

I'd be inclined to say that's more true of older kids who are handling their own activities, such as a 16 year old who has schoolwork to do, a job to get to, and a sports team that practices in the evenings.

 

But with young kids, I think it's more likely that the kids just learn to be herded/shuffled from one activity to the next.

 

Tara

[Sharon H in IL]

In The Tightwad Gazette, Amy Dycyzyn described her family's decision-making process when they ran into an over-scheduling problem. She asked the children to rate their enjoyment of the optional activities. Putting a number on it made the decision of what to keep and what to drop much clearer, and you avoid the problem of the squeaky wheel child getting more input.

 

Good luck. It's a perennial problem, one to be managed rather than solved.

[Melanie]

I've been told that we "overschedule" our kids. We disagree. They participate in only a few activities, but those activities do take up a lot of time, so we go somewhere nearly every day during the school year. The kids love what they do and are excelling academically, and I'm able to keep a clean house and put dinner on the table despite all the running around (and I can get a lot of reading done while they are off doing their thing) so I don't see the problem. Unless being unwilling/unable to attend the weekly "Park Day" with the local homeschool group is a problem. :rolleyes: Plus, I'm providing a public service - the mothers in the homeschool group can make "tsk, tsk" noises at me and feel virtuous about their quiet evenings at home. :D (Can you guess who told me we overschedule our kids?)

 

I can see it being more of an issue if our family wasn't together all the time (homeschooling, father working family friendly shifts, etc). I wouldn't want to give up the only hours we have together as a family so the kids could be in clubs or classes. And if the equation looked like this:

 

my grief > kids' joy

 

instead of like this:

 

my grief < kids' joy

 

we would drop the activities.

[nakitty]

no way no how....we don't do group sports...but If they really wanted to...I *might* consider letting them choose ONE sport to participate in. Frankly I don't like the little league lifestyle....to many crazy parents out there. I have no desire to put my children in the midst of all that insane competition....and I mean between the adults...not their peers. LOL

[Mrs Mungo]

I won't let my kids sign up for more than 2 activities at a time. I'm not going to be on the run all afternoon every day, not gonna happen.

[CLHCO]

This was previously the story of my life. At one point we were in a concert band twice a week, Girl Scouts, Tiger Cubs, 4-H, violin lessons, community service, church, t-ball, homeschool group field trips, etc. :auto: I was a nut-case and I'm not sure why I did it all.

 

Now we dropped Girl Scouts to Juliettes only, dropped the concert band and picked up banjo/guitar instead but it's only once a week for less time. 4-H is killing us though and we've tentatively decided to drop that next year. I'm really getting weary of having our summers packed with 4-H and the high demand of some of the fall activities, like building booths, project meetings, etc.

 

My concern is, my daughters are going into high school. Aren't high schoolers supposed to look good with lots of extra-curricular activities? They aren't into sports and just jog with me when we manage to have time in our favor. They have backed off on Girl Scouts, having burned out enthusiasm after the Silver Award. The only thing they "do" is music and not even scholarship worthy playing, just bluegrass and Celtic. They do community service sometimes too but nothing like a high-achiever from a local school would with student council, track and field, drama, etc. I have a friend who manages 6 children in everything under the sun to get them scholarships and looking good. I feel like I don't live up to it all sometimes.

 

I wonder if I should stuff them in things again or just let them dream, write, draw, sing, and read the classics they love. Not to mention their younger brother with Suzuki and fiddle lessons, baseball, and Cub Scouts is hogging much of our activity time at the moment but at least his schooling is lighter.

[Foofy Coffee Lover]

My kids have actually been somewhat self-limiting, which is nice. But from the beginning, we would let them pick just one favorite sport and one music/arts activity. They can try as many different things as they like, but in the end, only one per year. I try not to get caught up in doing activities just for the sake of giving them something to do -- they need time to be kids! I also try to keep their activities in line with our overall goals for their lives and the interests God has given them or the direction He is leading them in their lives (for older ones). They have done a very good job choosing activities and limiting busyness just for the sake of being involved. Hope that trend continues! I might add that our limited budget also really helps limit our level of activity! :lol:

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

My concern is, my daughters are going into high school. Aren't high schoolers supposed to look good with lots of extra-curricular activities?

 

It depends on the college. A lot of them would rather see a kid who is really really good at one thing than mediocre at 12 things.

[plansrme]

"Plus, I'm providing a public service - the mothers in the homeschool group can make "tsk, tsk" noises at me and feel virtuous about their quiet evenings at home. :D (Can you guess who told me we overschedule our kids?)"

PLUS, look at all those college mental health professionals we'll be keeping employed, not to mention the drug companies. :tongue_smilie:

Terri (who needs to find time to figure out how to properly quote from previous posts)

[Melanie]

 

PLUS, look at all those college mental health professionals we'll be keeping employed, not to mention the drug companies. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Yes, I'm sure my daughter will end up on a therapist's couch somewhere, begging for help dealing with the horrible memories of ballet. Like I said, I'm just doing my part. :lol: