Jean in Newcastle Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 the stresses and problems affecting a pastor's family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 the stresses and problems affecting a pastor's family? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 :grouphug:Jean, I remember the dean's wife of the seminary dh went to saying have friends beyond your church that aren't invovled directly in your ministry. Often easier said than done. It's a demanding, tough job. :grouphug: If you find a place, do you think there's room there for the homeschooling family of Christian psychologist? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 It's the reason I don't go to my best friends church (her dh is pastor) so that she has a safe place to vent/discuss/pray. Praying you find such a place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnylady303 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Very few places. DH and I are both ordained ministers. Not having a safe place to talk is part of why we are no longer serving that way. PM me if I can be an ear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 the stresses and problems affecting a pastor's family? My inbox? DH is a pastor (associate) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelli Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I'm a preacher's wife as well. Feel free to pm me if you'd like. It's a lonely place to be most days so I totally understand. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lacie Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Not really. My husband is a minister. The only person I can really talk to (other than my husband) is my mil. She is a minister's wife also. DH talks to a friend he went through preaching school with if he needs to vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 It's not necessarily a matter of venting, though it might include some of that! It's more of a matter of needing perspective - of figuring out what needs to be addressed even if it causes strife and what needs to be just "sucked up" because it is part of life - esp. that of a pastor's etc. You know, the kind of thing that discussions on this board deal with - but safer for this sort of topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Oh man! I would LOVE something like this. We have a few "issues" at our church right now and I would LOVE to talk with someone outside of our church who understands church issues. KWIM!? (I'm sure you do!) I'll be following this thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Well, I've done a search for such message boards before, but I'm always hesitant because I don't know the people there, and so you don't really know where they're coming from. kwim? I do have an idea, but i need to talk to someone first. I'll PM you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 the stresses and problems affecting a pastor's family? I don't feel there's a safe place to discuss family stress and family problems for any family...I can only imagine that the 'goldfish bowl' of being a pastor and family magnifies that. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 PM'ing you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I don't know. My dh isn't the pastor but he is an elder. In our denomination, the elders and the pastor have the same level of "authority." They are equals. It's hard being one of the wives.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarlaB Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Very few places. DH and I are both ordained ministers. Not having a safe place to talk is part of why we are no longer serving that way. PM me if I can be an ear. DH & I are former pastors (He was ordained, I was not, although we both went to seminary). Not having a 'safe place' was a major challenge for us- it was impossibly difficult to find perspective because I didn't have 'safe' place to talk to anyone who really knew what it was like... the alone-ness of not having a safe peer-group was incredibly challenging. I am available as well if you need an ear...:grouphug: And I"ll be lifting you up in prayer as well.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) Never mind! Edited September 29, 2012 by theretohere Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Thank you so much for all the hugs and understanding and support. If I weren't actually helping ds15 with a chem lab (I'm waiting for him to set up the equipment), I would be blubbering at this moment. Some of it is that dh and I actually need to talk some things over. But he's a bi-vocational pastor and finding time to talk is a really hard thing right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Ok, part of what I pm'd Jean is that I found the best support is from other clergy wives IRL. Our church has an annual retreat for us and it is really amazing to be with this group of ladies! I look forward to it all year. Nobody else, no matter how sympathetic, can really get it. However, my group is rather far flung and it would be nice to have some support closer to also... I have been talking with the local Anglican priest's wife about trying to start something in our town-- for many clergy wives. It would be fun and helpful. I don't know whether it will be tea and chatting, or lectures (like about clergy taxes-- I bet lots of clergy wives are the ones who do the taxes! or about famly wellness or dealing with trouble in the parish, bringing up clergy kids, or many other topics), or Bible study, or what, but we want to get a few of us together and see what happens. I also worry, because from time to time there is a story in the news about a horrible tragedy in some pastor's family... that they had been struggling with something, whether addiction or financial troubles, for a long time and it was a dreadful secret they could not tell anyone because they had to put a good face on everything... and finally something awful happens-- I would hate for that to happen in my own town and I never even knew the family even though I could have offered support if the wife had reached out to me, but why would she even think of doing that? I hope we could make a community where clergy wives who are struggling could find someone to confide in. I wonder if some of you all could start this in your own towns, if you are inspired to do so. Anyway lots of towns have clergy meetings for the clergy-- why not try to start, through them, a meeting for their wives? I am going to a meeting of clergy wives in our region next week-- meeting in a vineyard-- very apt! :grouphug: to all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clear Creek Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I agree with the other posters; the only safe place that I have is another pastor's wife. I have tried joining yahoo and facebook groups for pastors' wives, but they all end up being either cliquish or just a place to vent about your job or your kids or your neighbor. Little Nyssa, this other pastor's wife and I have discussed having a get-together for other pastors' wives in our area, but we don't think that would work. She and I don't really fit in with the others. In the 6+ years that my husband has been pastoring I have met quite a few of them, and I am definitely not made from the same mold...there is no parking space at my church labeled for the "first lady," I don't drive a Lexus, and I don't own clothes as dressy as they wear. My husband has been mocked to his face for not showing the prosperity that a "true pastor" would have, and their wives wouldn't deign to speak to me. The few pastors' wives that are not like that are more than a bit appalled that I home school; there is such strong loyalty to the public school system among the clergy in this town that it isn't funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Not a pastor's wife, but couldn't you start a private discussion group here or like a yahoo group, some place where you screen members and don't publish messages publicly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I am a PW also. I would welcome a PM. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 oh jean, i realize you don't know me...but please, if you ever need to talk i am happy too. my husband has been in full time ministry for 11 years. he's a worship pastor, but i still understand the demands of church and have seen firsthand what lead pastors deal with. we have seen it all & i'm a safe place with no judgement.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Sure. It's called "Dial An Imp" Available whenever you need. :D :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen+4dc Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Not a pastor's wife, but couldn't you start a private discussion group here or like a yahoo group, some place where you screen members and don't publish messages publicly? :iagree: PW here, too. I bet threre's a good number of us here who could/would support each other in a private social group. I have found a lot of support and willingness/desire to understand each other from WTM members. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Sure. It's called "Dial An Imp" Available whenever you need. :D :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: that made me laugh outloud.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 You can pm me any time. I am blessed to have friends to whom I can vent, but I am finding I do it slightly less with one in particular, now that her husband works for mine. She does say I'm good about not disrespecting my husband--so I'd caution you about that with anyone you vent to. And I'd stay away from any public forums online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 :grouphug: We need a retreat. :D I've been in this for many years. Pm if you'd like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 The Fish Bowl? It's a forum just for wives of ministers and clergy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I'd love to join a group, if one gets started. There is a blog I recently found by a PW, need to go find it maybe she has a group/forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 :grouphug: We need a retreat. :D I've been in this for many years. Pm if you'd like. There is a wonderful retreat for Pastor's and their wives at America's Keswick in Whiting, New Jersey every year. I can't tell you how much they spoil us! They just minister to us and feed us and love us and feed us and.... :) They also have a retreat just for Pastor's wives every spring. It's equally as wonderful. The Pastor's conference is $100 for 4 days for both husband and wife, including all meals. The PW conference is $50, same deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 You have all comforted me. Thank you so much. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) Never mind! Edited September 29, 2012 by theretohere Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 http://www.pastorswives.org/ This is a pastor's wives forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 http://www.pastorswives.org/ This is a pastor's wives forum. :iagree: I haven't been on here for a long time, but I remember that there's even an anonymous way to ask for advice. You post to a mod and they repost under a generic name. I've also found that the only people IRL that I can talk to are other pw's. And I'm even extremely careful with which of those that I share with. It's one of the most difficult things about being a pw. As others have offered, I'm more than happy to chat if you want to pm or e-mail me. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Ladies, i am an administrator on another message board. We have just re-opened our pastor's wives board. It is completely private, and only those given access by an admin can view it and/or post. I am waiting for permission from the moderators here to share the link with you (not sure it that's against the baoard rules or not). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I used to be in a yahoo group for pastor's wives and I am still friends on facebook with some of them. The group is not denomination-specific. If you're interested in joining, email me at ebeattycpa @ yahoo . com (remove spaces) and I will pass on your contact info to one of the moderators. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I'm keeping an eye on this thread..... DH has been an ordained minister for 12 years, currently working with a parachurch organization (ministry @ a university). He's also an elder @ our church, where I am the Children's Minister/Director. I totally understand the need to have a safe place to talk & put things in perspective! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mims Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 the stresses and problems affecting a pastor's family? I'm headed out this afternoon to a pastor's wives retreat. So looking forward to encouraging some of the wives that live in small towns in Western Montana. Almost all are bivocational and churches under 50 people. Many of their husbands have served over 20 years in the same small community where the church will never grow because there aren't the people. We have great distances between communities so they all feel extremely isolated. Our weekend will consist of sharing, prayer, singing, walks, etc. Nothing fancy but an extreme blessing. If anyone wants to bless a few pastor's wives you might consider arranging something like this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I still haven't heard back from the moderators, so I'm going to go ahead and post the link to the message board. http://s2.excoboard.com/Christianmoms If this is against board rules, I am sorry. Just delete it. I pray many of you will join us over there. It is a non-denominational, safe place for both vocational and bi-vocational pastor's wives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 I wanted to pop back again to thank everyone who has reached out to me on this thread and through PMs. I have joined a forum for pastor's wives and have been warmly welcomed. As for my problem which motivated me even starting this thread, God has resolved things very well for the moment. Pastor's lives being what they are, I'm sure this problem and others will crop up again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 :grouphug::001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Missed the thread completely... but am glad Jean is doing better! :grouphug:s from another PW! Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 We've had some new ladies request membership on our private board, but I don't know if it's you. Please contact me either here or at the other board so I can approve your membership and assure privacy for our current members :) http://s2.excoboard.com/Christianmoms My name over there is EiramAnnod (DonnaMarie backwards. Don't ask) :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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