Do you want your DD's to follow in your footsteps???

[kricau]

Feel free to keep this going. I got the answers I needed :) Thanks to all who replied.

Edited July 28, 2012 by kricau

[Dory]

I don't wish my dd to follow in my footsteps.

I hope my dd marries because she really wants to. Gets an education that she wants, in something that she enjoys. I do want her to eventually get married and have a family and invest her time into her children, but a vocation gives her something to fall back on should something happen to her husband, or (God forbid) he leave her or the other way around. My life is not something I would wish on someone I hated, I certainly wouldn't wish it on my dd.

[Wheres Toto]

I went with Other.

 

I married young the first time, worked full time throughout her childhood, got divorced, went to college off and on and finally finished my degrees in my 30's.

 

Then I remarried and started staying at home when my son was born. Didn't decide to homeschool until ds had some issues and spent time in Early Intervention and we realized a large group class wouldn't be the best thing for him.

 

So, I definitely don't want her to follow my exact experience. :glare:

 

I want her to do what is important to her. Right now she's going to college with a career plan in mind that will require at least 5 years of school. She is a good student and likes school so I think she'll do fine. I would like her to wait to have children until she's finished with school since finishing is something important to her.

 

She may be a SAHM but I don't see her homeschooling unless she has a child with issues that make school a bad idea.

[kricau]

That is so true. My biggest fear is the two D's: death (of my dh) or divorce. It would be nice to know that I had some sort of training to provide well for my girls.

 

I don't wish my dd to follow in my footsteps.

I hope my dd marries because she really wants to. Gets an education that she wants, in something that she enjoys. I do want her to eventually get married and have a family and invest her time into her children, but a vocation gives her something to fall back on should something happen to her husband, or (God forbid) he leave her or the other way around. My life is not something I would wish on someone I hated, I certainly wouldn't wish it on my dd.

[KnitWit]

I don't really even think that way. I want my dd's to be who THEY are. I have even told them that I have NO expectations on them as far as marriage/children/homeschooling/career, etc. It is THEIR choice.

[Impish]

My past is too traumatic, w/domestic violence, being a single parent, to EVER wish that anyone follows in my footsteps.

 

I've told Diva that she needs a secondary education, the ability to support herself and any family she may have in the future, b/c life has a way of throwing you challenges you could never have predicted.

 

I would never have dreamt I'd become disabled and unable to work.

 

I use myself as an example of unpredictability. Her dh could become disabled. Or ill. Or lose his job. Or die. Or leave. I want her to have a safety net, to not ever have to worry about how she's going to feed her kids.

 

That's what I *want* for her, and for Princess too. At the same time, I know that I have no power over their adult lives, other than as a support/cheerleader. I just pray that whatever path they choose, they're happy and fulfilled.

[kricau]

I understand. I guess I have the "fairy tale" life: found my true love, got married, and have the perfect little darlings I always wanted. Not trying to brag, just to help explain that's why I would want them to have what I have. It is my dream come true. But I won't be devistated if it's not theirs.

 

I went with Other.

 

I married young the first time, worked full time throughout her childhood, got divorced, went to college off and on and finally finished my degrees in my 30's.

 

Then I remarried and started staying at home when my son was born. Didn't decide to homeschool until ds had some issues and spent time in Early Intervention and we realized a large group class wouldn't be the best thing for him.

 

So, I definitely don't want her to follow my exact experience. :glare:

 

I want her to do what is important to her. Right now she's going to college with a career plan in mind that will require at least 5 years of school. She is a good student and likes school so I think she'll do fine. I would like her to wait to have children until she's finished with school since finishing is something important to her.

 

She may be a SAHM but I don't see her homeschooling unless she has a child with issues that make school a bad idea.

[natalie]

Why can't they do both things?

[kricau]

Oh I know Imp, I have followed many of your posts to know that life throws curve balls :(

 

I am just glad that it all work out for you (except for the painful disability :() in the end...great hubby, and wonderful kids. That Boo is TOO CUTE!!!

 

My past is too traumatic, w/domestic violence, being a single parent, to EVER wish that anyone follows in my footsteps.

 

I've told Diva that she needs a secondary education, the ability to support herself and any family she may have in the future, b/c life has a way of throwing you challenges you could never have predicted.

 

I would never have dreamt I'd become disabled and unable to work.

 

I use myself as an example of unpredictability. Her dh could become disabled. Or ill. Or lose his job. Or die. Or leave. I want her to have a safety net, to not ever have to worry about how she's going to feed her kids.

 

That's what I *want* for her, and for Princess too. At the same time, I know that I have no power over their adult lives, other than as a support/cheerleader. I just pray that whatever path they choose, they're happy and fulfilled.

[RachelFlores]

I have a degree and I honestly hope my daughter gets a college degree or vocational training of some type before starting a family as I think it is a wonderful experience and can offer a sense of security for her future. But I also hope she will choose to be a SAHM, at least while her children are small and I would be happy to have her choose to homeschool if that is what she thinks is best for her family.

[nykatie]

I don't really even think that way. I want my dd's to be who THEY are. I have even told them that I have NO expectations on them as far as marriage/children/homeschooling/career, etc. It is THEIR choice.

 

:iagree:

[kricau]

I don't know? I guess they could. I married so young (20 yo) that I can't imagine being able to fit in a career in that time frame. I am 33 now and there is no way I would (physically) be able to have another baby. So if I would have started later (postponed till after college and career) I think I would have been to tired (for a lack of a better word) to start at all.

 

Does that make any sense?

Why can't they do both things?

[kricau]

:iagree::iagree::iagree: You must be one of the ones who voted "yes" with me :)

I have a degree and I honestly hope my daughter gets a college degree or vocational training of some type before starting a family as I think it is a wonderful experience and can offer a sense of security for her future. But I also hope she will choose to be a SAHM, at least while her children are small and I would be happy to have her choose to homeschool if that is what she thinks is best for her family.

[LibraryLover]

If any of my offspring choose to hs their children, I hope they can combine it with a work life that mattters to them. I wouldn't think any of my children would consider hsing a career. I want them to have a passion, or work that that isn't only about their own children. Although, if one did choose this path, I would be supportive, as long as it was a choice freely chosen, knowing other possibilities exist. I want them to go to school, to travel, find respectful partners etc.

 

I don't expect any of my children will have many multiples of children. I think one dc could consider 3, the rest 2. One kid...seems a good candidate for an only. I'm fine with it. I won't be a gmother for a very long time. Even my promises of ponies go unheeded. lol

Edited July 27, 2012 by LibraryLover

[regentrude]

I voted other because...

 

Do you want your DD's to follow in your footsteps?

 

By that I mean: marry a good man, have babies and homeschool them.

 

... that would not be "following in my footsteps"!

I went to college and graduate school, have a fulfilling profession AND am married to a great man and homeschool my children.

 

As far as my kids are concerned: I want happiness for them. I want them to be able to support themselves doing what they love, and i want them to spend their lives with a person they love, if they so choose.

If that fulfillment and support comes from being a SAHM and wife, fine.

If that fulfillment comes form having a job they are passionate about and remaining childless, fine, too.

[kricau]

Well I should have made "Supermom" an option :lol:

You sound like you "have it all".

 

 

I voted other because...

 

 

 

... that would not be "following in my footsteps"!

I went to college and graduate school, have a fulfilling profession AND am married to a great man and homeschool my children.

 

As far as my kids are concerned: I want happiness for them. I want them to be able to support themselves doing what they love, and i want them to spend their lives with a person they love, if they so choose.

If that fulfillment and support comes from being a SAHM and wife, fine.

If that fulfillment comes form having a job they are passionate about and remaining childless, fine, too.

[Mommyfaithe]

I want my girls AND my boys to be happy and fulfilled in whatever they do. I don't think I would want them to follow in my footsteps, because I was a real dumb@ss as a kid...and made some really bad, stupid decisions that I wouldn't want for them. Besides, I am sure they will make their own dumb@ss decisions:D

 

Both of my older girls have Bachelors degrees and my 2nd starts grad school in the fall. Dd1 is very career oriented. Dd 2 would love to meet someone, get married and have babies, but she is very choosy ( thank God).

 

I wish I would have finished my degree when my older kids were little. I thought life was hectic then.....but I had no idea how very hectic it could get!!

[jar7709]

Why can't they do both things?

 

 

:iagree:

I did both. I don't know if DD is going to want to, but if she does, that's fine. Life is long and it is what you make of it. I do not know what the future holds for my DD, but my hope for her is that she is true to herself.

[Joani]

Other. I didn't "get married, have babies, and homeschool them." I went to college, started a career, got married, had three children, got divorced, had a child diagnosed with cancer, stopped working, started homeschooling and got remarried. :)

 

I do want my girls to go to college, but after that, anything that makes them happy (within reason ;)) will make me happy.

[LaxMom]

Yes, inasmuch as I want them to have the tools and security to choose the path that's right for them, in all seasons of their lives. Different seasons of my life have brought different situations that were right for our family. I would hate for them to feel trapped in any one option. (I want the same for my sons.)

 

I voted that I'm fine with either path.

[AdventureMoms]

I have zero problem with my DD staying home and homeschooling her kids, but I hope she goes to college and at least prepares herself for a career beforehand. Because life does throw curveballs, and I want her to be prepared for them.

 

I also have zero problem with DD choosing to have a career or choosing not to homeschool. She will need to do what's best for her and her family when the time comes. Mostly I just hope she's happy. And that there are grandbabies that she lets me play with. :-D

[Melinda in VT]

I voted Other.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have voted, because I am clearly not the responder you were expecting. I have been an employed mom more often than I've been a SAHM, and I only homeschooled for one year.

 

I hope all of my kids go to college or a trade school and get the skills they need to be able to support themselves.

 

I hope all of my kids find a great partner, marry, and have kids if that is what would make them happy.

 

I hope all of my kids and their spouses find the work/home balance that meets the physical and emotional needs of all the members of their families.

[Mom22ns]

I want my dd to follow in my footsteps, but that is get a degree, work, and when the time comes stay home and homeschool her kids. If she loves working and wants to keep doing that, I would be happy with that too. I do want her to go to college. I want her to have options, besides, I loved college!

[Karen in CO]

I voted other too.

My path is complicated and doesn't fit one of your narrow choices. I want my kids to be healthy and happy and find something they love to do that they feel is important. My footsteps are a kind of winding path that isn't suitable for anyone but me. I want them to have their own path with their own complicated stories to tell about it which in a way is wanting them to follow me because I always went my own way.

[jelbe5]

Well, I almost chose other . . . What I really want is for my kids to become fantastically rich and take care of dh and me in our old age. :D

[hana]

I am absolutely fine with whatever any of my children choose. Five of my children are grown, two left to go. Of the grown daughters (since that's your focus here) none homeschool (on the other hand, my son does homeschool his child), but they are all happy, and that's what matters most to me. :-)

[LibraryLover]

Well, I almost chose other . . . What I really want is for my kids to become fantastically rich and take care of dh and me in our old age. :D

 

 

I chose Other as well. This had not been a consideration when I voted, but I do like it. From your mouth to God's ears. lol

[Crimson Wife]

Most HS moms I know IRL finished their educations and worked at least a few years (many a decade or even two) before having kids and becoming a HSer. This is the path I chose and the one I'd hope for my DD's (though I'd be fine with them sending their kids to an academically strong classroom-based school if they desired).

 

I got married fairly young (a month shy of 22) but I had my degree by that point. And my oldest wasn't born until I was almost 26. I wouldn't want my DD's to have kids until their mid-20's (or older if it took that long to find a good husband).

[myfunnybunch]

Other: I hope they go to college and get married and then choose a career, or to have babies and homeschool them, or to have a career and babies and homeschool, or to have babies and not homeschool them, or to not have babies.

 

I think I am reacting strongly to the wording in the poll, the idea that somehow going to college and presumably not homeschooling is somehow more than what I have or have done. (Nor would I consider it less.)

 

I went to college. I had a career. I now homeschool because I want to homeschool. I look forward to and am preparing for the day that I am done homeschooling and can pursue another path. This is my "more". :)

 

Ooo, I take it all back. I'm going with jelbe5's answer: I want them to become fantastically rich and support me. ;)

 

Cat

[Parrothead]

Your options are too narrow so I had to pick other. You've assumed that most of us have gotten out of high school, got married, then started having kids and homeschooling them. I went to college, entered the workforce, and got married in my early 30s then decided to stay home after having dd.

 

No matter what I'd like I hope dd does whatever makes her happiest.

 

My vision for dd of college, and opening her own business is, meeting a nice man then giving me a few grandbabies is nice, but very well may not be what she wants.

[kalanamak]

My footsteps don't follow your footsteps. I'd be okay with a daughter following mine. I'd be okay with her being a SAHM, but I would be EXTRA sure to get her educated, as I've met far too many middle aged single mothers who slave at a poorly paid job, deal with dead-beat ex, and are bitter, bitter, bitter about the whole thing.

[EducationX2]

I voted other.

 

To be completely honest, I would be a little unhappy if my DD were to graduate high school and do nothing other than get married and pop out babies, even if she did home school them. I understand that many women choose that path of their own volition, and that it truly is satisfying, but I've seen too many women destroyed when the marriage crumbles and they have nothing else to fall back on.

Plus, my DD already has a lot of plans for her life, many places that she'd like to travel to and many things she'd like to do, and I hope that she chooses to do them before settling down and having a family.

 

I will be immensely proud if she goes to college. I'm a college student now, soon to start work on an advanced degree, so she's already very steeped in the college culture. She goes on campus with me a lot, and really enjoys it. I just hope it keeps up. :D

 

(FTR: I am a single, college student, homeschooling mom. I got pregnant at 19. Of course I wouldn't be thrilled if DD followed in my footsteps, but, hey, it's worked out well enough so far. :lol:)

 

But of course, in the end, the only thing that matters is what makes my daughter happy. As long as it makes her happy, and isn't an abusive or destructive situation, I'll be happy with it and support her 100%- whether that be college, husband, wife, babies, no babies, etc.etc.

[Mommy22alyns]

No, I want them to do better than I have.

[LibraryLover]

True. I worked for years before I started hsing. My oldest was 14 when we began. I worked from the time I was 16 (13 if you count babysittng), and then through undergrad and grad school. Later, dh and I worked around our childrens' needs ---for years. There were times when he worked at home T & TH, (while checking in daily at the office, and running conference calls) and then M-W-F at the office. I worked t-th at work, and often Sunday.

 

We decided to hs because we realized we needed to have more money for college--- and dh was the one bringing in the real money. I know that sounds crass...but the age span of our children (we have only been married to each other :)) is great. Dh travels a lot, and it all got too difficult. I earned far less, so in order to keep our family a family, and not pay nannies (because it would reduce our bottom line), I quit working for pay. I have my hands in various things, but nothing that can really pay the most major bills.

 

I know this is common in many families. Sometimes it is the man who makes the greater money; but these days it is often the woman who does. I think whatever works for your family is what works for you family.

 

Maybe that sounds simplistic; but we all have our gfts, and some gifts pay far more.

 

 

Your options are too narrow so I had to pick other. You've assumed that most of us have gotten out of high school, got married, then started having kids and homeschooling them. I went to college, entered the workforce, and got married in my early 30s then decided to stay home after having dd.

 

No matter what I'd like I hope dd does whatever makes her happiest.

 

My vision for dd of college, and opening her own business is, meeting a nice man then giving me a few grandbabies is nice, but very well may not be what she wants.

Edited July 28, 2012 by LibraryLover

[*Lulu*]

I have zero problem with my DD staying home and homeschooling her kids, but I hope she goes to college and at least prepares herself for a career beforehand. Because life does throw curveballs, and I want her to be prepared for them.

 

I also have zero problem with DD choosing to have a career or choosing not to homeschool. She will need to do what's best for her and her family when the time comes. Mostly I just hope she's happy. And that there are grandbabies that she lets me play with. :-D

 

:iagree:

 

 

I voted other because I do not see Sister's future as an either-or situation.

 

I went graduated college, married the person I love AND like, and had children dispite the doctors' discouraging predictions about the likelyhood of DH and my conceiving. I have had the joy of being, in turns, a SAHM, WAHM, a part-time working mom with a job that allowed me to bring the kids along, and a volunteer in a position that feeds my soul and allows me to share my gifts and passions.

 

As much as I thrive on having a plan, I could never have planned such a full and fulfilling life for myself. I want for all of my children to follow thier father and my footsteps by finding thier own path. And if at the end of the day the regrets and disappointments of the path they've chosen are overshadowed by the joys and contentment found in thier choices I will consider thier lives to be all that I had hoped and prayed they would be.

[elfgivas]

other.... as in yes, and no....

 

i'd like them to know themselves really well before choosing a life mate (which i didn't the first time, and did the second time).

 

i'd like them to be educated and competent doing something they at least like, but preferably love. (which i did, and do)

 

i think all four would be great moms, but only if that's what they choose. i'd love to be a grandma, so i am not exactly a disinterested party.

 

the goal is happy, healthy, educated, competent adults who contribute to society. once that happens, whatever follows will hopefully be fine.

 

fwiw,

ann

[Jenny in Florida]

By that I mean: marry a good man, have babies and homeschool them.

 

I do!!! I won't be upset with them if they do want to go to college/trade school and have a career. But I kind of hope that they won't.

 

I'm sure I'm not the first one to point out that your question has a lot of assumtions buried in it?

 

I went to college and had a career . . . and then got married and had babies and homeschooled them . . . after which I intend to go back to having a career.

 

I want my daughter to do whatever will make her happy and fulfilled. In her case, she's already finished college ( having started early) and is now having a head start on her chosen career. Family and children are important to her, and she is thinking hard to figure out how to balance her choices and needs. Since her career will put her in the public eye, having a child or children will probably mean taking a break from work for a while. So, she will likely delay having kids for a number of years yet.

 

I have faith she'll figure it out. She's a very smart, capable, talented, determined woman. Whatever works for her will make me proud.

[LibraryLover]

My footsteps don't follow your footsteps. I'd be okay with a daughter following mine. I'd be okay with her being a SAHM, but I would be EXTRA sure to get her educated, as I've met far too many middle aged single mothers who slave at a poorly paid job, deal with dead-beat ex, and are bitter, bitter, bitter about the whole thing.

 

It's sad how many women are so bitter. You can't expect to have a life without having planned/educated oneself for a life!

Edited July 28, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Murphy101]

Both yes and no.

[SonshineLearner]

I think college. My daughter said that her hope in life is to marry and have children by 25. (She's thinking marriage at 23) She also LOVES public school and doesn't have any wish to homeschool. She thinks it's kinda messed up to homeschool. We'll see if she feels that way when she gets older. I talk about college; she's read that it's not all it's cracked up to be, especially when she doesn't have a desire to leave her children with someone else.

:)

[Forget-Me-Not]

I don't think the first two options are necessarily mutually exclusive. I am college educated, and though I don't currently work outside the home, I feel like my education has helped me in raising/homeschooling my children.

 

If my daughters have children, I sincerely hope that they will choose to stay home with them. Homeschooling would be a bonus :D

 

Whatever any of my children choose, I hope they will stay close to God and invite Him into the decision making process.

[stripe]

I've encouraged my daughter to be creative in her career or other money making endeavor. This is common in my husband's culture, most women run businesses on the side, often out of their homes. I've also promised to help her with her kids.

 

I think it's also a mistake to assume all the moms on here do not have a paying job.

[kricau]

:lol:

Well, I almost chose other . . . What I really want is for my kids to become fantastically rich and take care of dh and me in our old age. :D

[kricau]

I should have worded that better. I was talking to the moms who are SAHM. Sorry

 

I think it's also a mistake to assume all the moms on here do not have a paying job.

[kricau]

:iagree:Amen to that :)

I don't think the first two options are necessarily mutually exclusive. I am college educated, and though I don't currently work outside the home, I feel like my education has helped me in raising/homeschooling my children.

 

If my daughters have children, I sincerely hope that they will choose to stay home with them. Homeschooling would be a bonus :D

 

Whatever any of my children choose, I hope they will stay close to God and invite Him into the decision making process.

[kricau]

Yea, I am one of the minority of women who married young (20yo), no college or career, and are happy with that path. I think it is mostly becuase of the wonderful hubby that God has given me.

 

I voted other.

 

To be completely honest, I would be a little unhappy if my DD were to graduate high school and do nothing other than get married and pop out babies, even if she did home school them. I understand that many women choose that path of their own volition, and that it truly is satisfying, but I've seen too many women destroyed when the marriage crumbles and they have nothing else to fall back on.

Plus, my DD already has a lot of plans for her life, many places that she'd like to travel to and many things she'd like to do, and I hope that she chooses to do them before settling down and having a family.

 

I will be immensely proud if she goes to college. I'm a college student now, soon to start work on an advanced degree, so she's already very steeped in the college culture. She goes on campus with me a lot, and really enjoys it. I just hope it keeps up. :D

 

(FTR: I am a single, college student, homeschooling mom. I got pregnant at 19. Of course I wouldn't be thrilled if DD followed in my footsteps, but, hey, it's worked out well enough so far. :lol:)

 

But of course, in the end, the only thing that matters is what makes my daughter happy. As long as it makes her happy, and isn't an abusive or destructive situation, I'll be happy with it and support her 100%- whether that be college, husband, wife, babies, no babies, etc.etc.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I'd love for my dd to get married, have babies and homeschool them.

 

But I pray that she seeks out God's plan for her life, whatever that is, that she finds strength and peace knowing that she's doing His will, and that she pursues it in a way that brings glory to Him.

[Embassy]

I don't think the first two options are necessarily mutually exclusive. I am college educated, and though I don't currently work outside the home, I feel like my education has helped me in raising/homeschooling my children.

 

:iagree:

[kricau]

Yes, I think alot of responders are having a "reaction" to my wording. I meant no offense in any of this. I was just trying to see how many other moms out there think like me LOL

 

Other: I hope they go to college and get married and then choose a career, or to have babies and homeschool them, or to have a career and babies and homeschool, or to have babies and not homeschool them, or to not have babies.

 

I think I am reacting strongly to the wording in the poll, the idea that somehow going to college and presumably not homeschooling is somehow more than what I have or have done. (Nor would I consider it less.)

 

I went to college. I had a career. I now homeschool because I want to homeschool. I look forward to and am preparing for the day that I am done homeschooling and can pursue another path. This is my "more". :)

 

Ooo, I take it all back. I'm going with jelbe5's answer: I want them to become fantastically rich and support me. ;)

 

Cat

[Heidi]

I think that being a stay at home mother is the most important job in the world, but my hopes for my children is that they will do what they feel called to do.