if you REALLY limit (or even not allow) screen use, I have a couple questions for you

[ProudGrandma]

We rarely watch TV (some DVD movies, some sporting events or old shows like I Love Lucy), the kids don't play games on the computer, we don't have wii or other gaming devices. We don't let the kids use our ipods and we don't own a Kindle or Nook or ipad.

 

If you are raising your kids the same way, do you find that when your kids see a computer game, or wii or any of the other listed above, and they are then totally sucked into the vortex of the electronics, do you think it's because it's the "forbidden fruit" syndrome or because of the very nature of the electronics. I ask, because sometimes I wonder that if we allowed very limited use of some of these devices, they wouldn't be as drawn to them as they are now...or if it really didn't matter, they would still be drawn to them.

 

thanks for your opinions.

[Wyndie]

We used to let our children watch freely. They stopped playing b/c all they wanted to do was sit in front of the tube. So now we limit but if that TV is on, there are two who will just sit and sit and sit for hours on end. One even gets headaches and does it anyway. We have to limit it for their own protection but yes, they DO gravitate to TVs anywhere that are on. I don't know if it's b/c we restrict it or b/c that's just the way they are since they were already like that, thus causing the restriction. Make sense?

[Skadi]

We only allow one movie a week (and nothing for young children). I think it's natural to be pulled toward a box with amazing flashing colors and music. What will sometimes happen with kids or adults who get a ton of screen time is that they learn to block it out and ignore it. My MIL, for example, has the tv on 24/7. Even when she sleeps, and at high volume. Sure, some people will naturally be drawn more by screens (auditory/visual learners) than others, but I don't think being entranced by it is a symptom of forbidden fruit. I just think some people who spend 10+ hours a day with screens have become adapted to them in a different way.

[KristenR]

We limit tv time but I do allow them access to ipads and some computer games. I want them to be technologically savvy and comfortable with it but I don't want them purely relying on it for for their entertainment. It's a fine line to walk but I think we manage it well. They don't feel like they are missing out but the don't badger me when I say it's time to stop either.

[kalanamak]

 

If you are raising your kids the same way, do you find that when your kids see a computer game, or wii or any of the other listed above, and they are then totally sucked into the vortex of the electronics, do you think it's because it's the "forbidden fruit" syndrome or because of the very nature of the electronics. .

 

I see kids in public "sucked into" playing with their DS every chance they get. I did note that when hubby gave kiddo a DS without telling me (secretly), he was more impatient with schoolwork and everything else. After I found the thing and confiscated it, attitude improved. Could have been co-incidence, but it was a three month patch of "lip" (as my mother called it) that matched the DS period perfectly.

 

What do I do after my day's labors? When everything is "done", I crawl into bed and read something I want to read. After kiddo gets everything done and has not been glaringly disobedient, I let him watch Looney Tunes before bed (the old ones) or a documentary. This has been a good balance for us, and it really isn't that much time because he is at the park or Y from 7-9 pm. Sometimes he'll give up this LT time for a read-aloud. There is not squabbling over it. I have warned him if the cartoons become a source of conflict/disobedience, they will disappear.

 

(As an aside, I had to laugh over a radio ad I heard for a local water park. They were touting season tickets. One woman was saying she "met some children who stopped texting when she talked to them and listened to her." Why? because their mommies got them season passes to the water park. The idea being that a couple of hours a day without electronics, playing with the family would wean them from the device and give them manners.;))

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

We have similar limits to you (a DVD on rainy days or when sick). My kids definitely get sucked into the TV, but it doesn't appear to be any worse than the kids I know who watch regularly and still get sucked in. My son gets practically hypnotized, my daughter is less affected. Might be she is too young yet.

[Critterfixer]

We limit television, we don't have a Wii (my parents have one) and we have one single desk top computer which has a few old arcade games that the DH plays. Television, as for the OP, is limited to movies, nature or history films to complement school, and sporting events on the weekends. During the week the television stays on the classical music channels.

I have not seen that my children view the television as "forbidden fruit." It's not forbidden. No more that candy or sweet treats are forbidden. Rather we take the television and try to put it in it's proper place, just like candy. Too much candy rots the teeth, too much television rots the brain. My son said this to my MIL the other day! It's part of the whole moderation in all things philosophy we are trying to instill here.

[lmrich]

I have a neighbor who was adamantly against video games. Her kids went to other people's homes and played there. They were demanding that they should be able to play on the game boy or an I-pod touch because they did not have one. It was forbidden fruit; they were old enough to know they were breaking their home rules.

[Parrothead]

Maybe you should ask the alternate group: those who do not limit screens. See how much time their kids actually sit transfixed.

 

Personally I think it has a lot to do with personality. Some kids can handle it, some kids can't. And those with more exposure often see it as old hat. The thrill isn't there. I only limit screens during the school year. Right now the TV is on, but dd isn't watching it. (She turned it on when she got up.) She is putting up a tent in my living room. Once she gets in she won't be able to watch. :tongue_smilie:

 

PS. Maybe a third group should be addressed. Those who limit screen time because of known issues. I think we have a few parents of kids with known screen addiction.

[Parrothead]

I have a neighbor who was adamantly against video games. Her kids went to other people's homes and played there. They were demanding that they should be able to play on the game boy or an I-pod touch because they did not have one. It was forbidden fruit; they were old enough to know they were breaking their home rules.

Dd has a friend who does not have any screen time at home. Her parents are very strict about what she views and when. The minute the friend gets to my house she insists on playing the Wii. She won't do anything with dd until dd plays Mario Kart with her. I limit it to 15 minutes. I honestly think this kid is going to go screen crazy once she is 18.

[kricau]

Wow, what you they do all day??? LOL

 

We rarely watch TV (some DVD movies, some sporting events or old shows like I Love Lucy), the kids don't play games on the computer, we don't have wii or other gaming devices. We don't let the kids use our ipods and we don't own a Kindle or Nook or ipad.

 

 

[Cassy]

We limit video games. With my boys I definitely find that the more they play video games the more they want to play them. Video games are allowed here from Friday lunchtime, when we finish school, until Sunday evening. We try to provide lots of alternative, interesting activities during this time too, so that their game time is even more limited. TV goes on each evening for an hour or so before bedtime, but that's just a habit rather than a rule, no-one ever asks for TV at any other time. All the boys spend time during the day doing things on their computers, usually things like Reading Eggs, Pivot, Scratch, Mark Kistler, etc, rather than actual games.

[*********]

I have not seen that my children view the television as "forbidden fruit." It's not forbidden. No more that candy or sweet treats are forbidden. Rather we take the television and try to put it in it's proper place, just like candy. Too much candy rots the teeth, too much television rots the brain. My son said this to my MIL the other day! It's part of the whole moderation in all things philosophy we are trying to instill here.

 

This is exactly our approach, too.

 

We don't have cable. We don't rent movies, but I do let the kids check out cartoons from the library, which usually means Curious George and Winnie the Pooh. Dh and I don't watch tv or movies at all. We also don't own a Wii or xBox. The boys have an old Gameboy Advance SP. They also have a computer with educational kids games. They get 40 minutes of computer or gamboy time a day.

 

This stuff's not forbidden. All things in moderation and all that. However, we do (all of us, as a family) monitor the content of what we watch or play.

[ProudGrandma]

Wow, what you they do all day??? LOL

 

play...ride bikes...read...go to the park...swim...play some more...play with their hamsters...play games...talk to their parents and to each other...play some more....

[besroma]

We rarely watch TV (some DVD movies, some sporting events or old shows like I Love Lucy), the kids don't play games on the computer, we don't have wii or other gaming devices. We don't let the kids use our ipods and we don't own a Kindle or Nook or ipad.

 

If you are raising your kids the same way, do you find that when your kids see a computer game, or wii or any of the other listed above, and they are then totally sucked into the vortex of the electronics, do you think it's because it's the "forbidden fruit" syndrome or because of the very nature of the electronics. I ask, because sometimes I wonder that if we allowed very limited use of some of these devices, they wouldn't be as drawn to them as they are now...or if it really didn't matter, they would still be drawn to them.

 

thanks for your opinions.

 

We live this way, except that we do have wii. We do rent educational dvds and cartoons from the library. We have not been connected to cable, netflix, etc. for 13 years+. Our kids love to read and play outside. They do not feel like they are missing anything. They are more disappointed when we say they aren't old enough to read a particular book than a movie.

 

In our family, it depends on the child. DD10 and DS8 can turn off the tv or wii in the middle of a show or game with no problem....no addiction.

 

Now, DS6 just can't handle it that way with wii. If it is connected, he is thinking about it....and talking about it....and asking to play. We hook it back up after a period of time to retry it, but so far we get the same results each time we reintroduce it. *As soon* as it is unplugged and put up for storage, he stops talking about it and returns to drawing and reading constantly. :001_smile:

 

While our kids are interested in the ipods that they see, they aren't affected by them. They find it odd to be around someone who is constantly playing with/staring at a technological gadget rather than interacting with the people around them.

Edited July 1, 2012 by besroma

[Amy Jo]

Mine don't seem to go screen crazy. I've been sick for 3 days (feeling better today) so Mythbusters has been on for most of the afternoons just so they stayed in and I could nap. (To be fair, some of the kids aren't feeling good either, they napped as well - so it was actually a restful time.) But [hopefully] we'll be back to a regular routine tomorrow, and they won't whine about the computer. I actually just put the TV (with the Wii & PS/2) in the spare room - no one uses it, we always just use the computer. (And no one protested - my living room looks so much nicer now.)

 

My kids have to have their stuff cleaned up to have game time. Lately that hasn't been working because the computer games (fun games, not educational ones) aren't a strong enough motivation!! Regular routine is school days 30 min of screens (cartoons, approved videos or games) after their work is done (summer that just means room & toys cleaned up, schooldays that includes workboxes). On weekends we are more relaxed. I don't count assigned stuff (spelling city, dance mat typing) in the total time.

 

DH and I like our computers, but we are very seasonal. We play WoW (World of Warcraft), but we are turning it off for the summer. DH is in his busy season (contractor) and I don't like to play in the summer. We spend more time online when it's cold out, and more time outside when it's nice. The kids seem to have picked this up and don't argue much.

 

When we first limited screens it was harder, but it's gotten pretty simple lately. My kids pretty much watch Mythbusters, old cartoons (Tom & Jerry, Bugs Bunny), occasional documentaries with Dad (national geographic, history channel, how its made), and they've seen the Alaska Gold Rush 1st season (DS9 wants to go mining now). They play WoW on our accounts, or Wesnoth (Linux turn-based game - reminds me of Age of Empires).

 

Oh, and I must be mean. I love it when the neighbor kids come to play, but I make them all play outside.

 

Hope this long answer is helpful and not too wandering. :tongue_smilie:

[black_midori]

We limit tv time but I do allow them access to ipads and some computer games. I want them to be technologically savvy and comfortable with it but I don't want them purely relying on it for for their entertainment. It's a fine line to walk but I think we manage it well. They don't feel like they are missing out but the don't badger me when I say it's time to stop either.

 

This is us, too. We allow access to the wii and computer games and tv, but on a limited basis & if I ever tell them to turn it off & they don't do it without fuss they lose it for awhile. There are certain periods of the day it is allowed (after morning chores are completed and before school starts, if they have time, then some after school is over and before dinner starts). I don't allow screens if chores aren't done, during school breaks except as part of school, after dinner, etc. If they are using a screen and fussing occurs, they are off regardless of who started it or why.

 

I've found that mine can have imaginative play together for hours and hours on end. Oftentimes, I will come in when they have permission to watch a show & they won't even be watching it - it will be on in the background while they play (at which point I try to remind them gently that if they aren't watching it PLEASE could they turn it off?? Dh does this as well & it drives me CRAZY!).

 

FWIW, my dh is WAY more lenient on screen time than I am & he travels a lot during the year. I've found that when he is away they self-regulate much better than when he is here, and I assume this is because I personally don't use the wii or tv very often during the day (although I am on the computer all day, I'm afraid). Dh tends to put on the tv in both rooms and use his computer all at the same time, even while he's, say, cooking. I find it extremely aggravating, and I've found that the kids seem to be much more prone to screen time abuse when he is home, too.

 

Moderation in all things! :)

[Dory]

My kids are allowed 30 min screen time and they all know how to use the timer. They can choose if that screen time will be the ds, the wii, the computer, or the tv. I wanted them to learn how to regulate themselves because my oldest son is too easily sucked into anything with a screen. We have a family movie night on Friday nights too, but every is together for that and the boys seem to see it as cuddle time. My mom used to give us an hour of screen time a day and I think that was too long. My aunt didn't allow her boys to watch any tv and they all live on their computers if they aren't at work now, so I thought I would try something somewhere in the middle of not allowing and allowing too much. We'll see if it works :tongue_smilie:

[Melinda in VT]

I grew up without a TV, back in the day when that meant something. No Netflix, no videos, no Hulu.

 

When I was the in presence of a screen, I could not tune it out. I thought it was because of being raised without a TV.

 

Now, I'm not so sure.

 

We don't have cable, but my kids get plenty of Netflix time and computer time. (There are limits, but they are generous, in my mind.) I have four kids, and their abilities to ignore TV vary.

[Mom23Boys]

I personally think some kids get sucked into the vortex and some don't regardless of how much you limit exposure to screens. It depends on personality, IMO.

 

My oldest and youngest can be watching a show and if I talk to them, they answer immediately. My middle child gets glazed eyes and doesn't see/hear anything else in the room. It drives me crazy, but my DH is like that too. My DH isn't even a big tv watcher. Our tv can go whole days without being turned on if the weather is nice and no one is sick. Until the kids go to bed and then DH and I watch.

 

We don't exactly limit, but I can't remember when the last time our Wii was used. My oldest has a DS and we thought we were going to have to set up limits, but it hasn't been a problem. My middle gets one for his birthday this year. We will start with no limits and see how it goes. I am hoping it won't be a problem. But, as long as my kids time is well-balanced- outdoor time, reading, playing inside with whatever, playing with friends, etc. I am fine.

 

ETA:We don't limit in general. We don't have the tv on most of the time bc they choose other things. I just posted bc I do have one who gets sucked in and two who don't. All have had the same restrictions/lack of restrictions.

Edited July 1, 2012 by mom23boys

[cin]

Our kids have relatively unlimited access to the screen, (time-wise, not content-wise!) The past few days, with the temps in the upper 90's+ I've had no problem letting them play the wii most of the day. They did go out in the morning for a short bit, but it was already uncomfortable. usually though, they play outside in the summer. They will watch TV at breakfast and lunch. Same goes with their games.

 

When I tell them it's time to turn it off, I seldom get any whining. I will let them finish what they are watching or get to a stopping point on their game.

[LibraryLover]

Our Lifeline cable was knocked out a bit back in a lightening storm, and none of the kids noticed, so we've never called to have it fixed. One less bill, I say. I didn't put the TV on for the kids when they were little. When oldest was 4 and his sister arrived, I did let him watch Barney VHS tapes sometimes. Is that show still on? lol I had a love/hate relationship with that one.

 

We do have an iPad (mine mine mine!!), and we all have iPods because we love music, and listening to audio books. We have a family playlist, and my youngest and I have one we've created together to enjoy. She is a dancer, so she likes to know the music for various ballets, which I think is great.

 

My kids watch Netflix a couple of times a week for pleasure, and other times for 'school' (although my older dd is graduated and starting college); documentaries, movies. My youngest dd and I berate each other over our Wednesday morning iPad viewing of Dance Moms (horrible ;)) and then the latest episode of Modern Family. I watch more Netflix than the kids. I have seen all episodes of the first 4 seasons of 30 Rock. My boys watch big sports games (Red Sox or Celtics playoffs etc) on the computer, or listen to games on the radio.

 

My kids like to do things, and if they are with friends, they want to play, chat, laugh, go somewhere etc. My youngest dd has absolutely no interest in video games at all. She sews, knits, dances, reads, plays etc. My sons do play some, but it doesn't seem excessive. They are very busy people, are readers (as are their parents), good students, and musicians (my 18 yr old prefers his Kindle for reading, and always has a book going) .The rest of my book worms prefer actual books. If relaxing with a vid game sometimes, or watching a movie is something which interests them, I don't have any problem with it.

 

We have had our xbox for 3 years, and my oldest is 23. They didn't have it when they were young, but I didn't notice they were heavily drawn to it at friends' homes, although I never told them couldn't play. They did have curiosity about games, and later Wii (which we don't have), but I don't recall it being a big issue. They were totally shocked the Christmas they got XBox. I got it for Guitar Hero. I didn't realize there were so many 'old' songs on it, and I loved hearing my kids sing them. Sometimes when my kids are singing something from my childhood, I've asked where they heard it. "Guitar Hero". That makes me laugh. Must say, I haven't seen anyone play GH in ages and ages.

Edited July 1, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Ecclecticmum]

We went without TV for about 6-8 months. The kids were a pain in the beginning, but soon were fine. The only reason I brought it back was because I needed that quiet/down-time because of my CFS. Trying to keep 3 littlies happy all day & night, then getting diagnosed was just too much.

 

I found what set anything off was accidently going near the toy/electronics aisles at the department store or brochures in the mailbox. They are attracted to bright, shiny things (even I am known to be attracted to shiny, pretty new things :tongue_smilie: )

 

Avoiding the temptations is the best way to go. We went the long way round the store, and DH left the brochures in the car for Bin Day.

 

Before I was diagnosed/sick (I was pretty bad before I was Dx) I found sort-of open ended projects were brilliant. Anything from creating hopscotch on the cement to making something (dog house, chicken pen etc) kept them entertained. Obviously the "distractions" take a bit of extra effort, but they were worth it.

 

Sometimes when the doldrums have hit in, or summers come they might need something new. Adventure Boxes are a good way to go. They choose a subject, and a box gets filled with everything for that theme (from books, curriculum, toys etc) to give them a bit of summer fun. Projects, arts & crafts books are a godsend.

 

Perhaps for boys or those interested in the more electronics fields, an open ended "Create your own RC robot" would be an option (or something similar).

 

If I had not ended up having CFS, I highly doubt we would of brought the TV back into the equation for anything outside of school. We live in an age of technological luxury, free to do pretty much anything all day. If you were cast out into the wilderness, once "set-up" your days would literally be consisted of hunting, gathering and cooking. Living to Eat. The more techonology you take away, the harder it will be to adjust and the less time family will have, which is why cooking from scratch can lead to little-to-no free time.

 

It seems to be the nature of people to want what others have, be they adults or children, so even passing by a kid with an ipod can set off that longing. Depending upon your situation, sometimes a bit of compromising without losing the way you want to live, must happen. In this day and age, its unusual to see even a little child without some sort of technology to play with. The better decision is to decide what it is to be used for. A child can while away countless hours playing "barbie fashion designer" on the DS, learning not much at all, or the two games they own for it could be "assets" like a reading tutor and geography puzzles.

 

You may bring up your child with no computers/consoles etc, and they child may have no interest in such things, or they may always yearn for those items.

 

If you have a TV, I see no problem with saying "you can't watch it", but compromising with the ability to say "you can watch the documentary/historical drama for history/science as long as you answer some questions afterwards" or if they want to watch something, they either provide a way its educational or promise to do something in return (an extra project, a bit of housekeeping etc) it allows them to realize "nothing is free/something must be given in return" thus eliminating too many hours wiled away. For instance if I say "for each 20 minutes you must clean the litterbox once" I highly doubt they are going to spend hours watching ;) I'd be lucky if they didn't just turn around and tell me they are going to go read a book instead :D

 

All just my random thoughts :001_huh: :tongue_smilie:

[Mom-ninja.]

Our house is the same as yours. My parents have a Wii and computer games. When we go over there they love to play both. After a bit they stop playing and ask to get in the pool or go out to play. They eventually get tired of being in front of the screen and wander off.

[Mabelen]

My dh was raised with no TV or electronics, although thet did go to the movie theater on a regular basis, he is a total TV addict!

 

I was raised with TV as background noise almost and decided to limit screen time for our kids, I found TV to be hypnotic!

 

Our kids if left to their own devices can easily get sucked into mindless electronic use and fritter away the time. However, they are aware of our expectations and have no problem complying with a gentle reminder if necessary.

[angela in ohio]

I know everyone thinks that limiting will equal obsession and allowing free access will create kiddos who self-limit, but it's really not that simple. We can all think of that kid we know who is forbidden screen time and is obsessed at other's homes. And I can name plenty who are allowed free access at home who are obsessed at other's homes. And many of the folks limiting TV are doing so because they grew up with free access, became addicted, and want something else for their own dc.

 

It's more about their personality, the example the parents set, and the conversations and teaching in place.

 

We don't do much screen time in an entertainment sense. When they were little, they had none. As they got older, we would do a movie night once a week or so. We also flip on Jeopardy every once in a while. By the time we started letting them watch, they were so wrapped up in other interests, and the haibts were so well founded, that we haven't had any problem. My parents got them a Wii for Christmas a few years ago, and it was fun for a bit, but now it gathers dust except for a family game night every once in a while.

 

The one thing they do spend a lot of time on is programming. Just playing on the iPad or laptop will not do much, but actually programming and learning to use complicated software is what will make the difference. So instead of 40 hours a week on FB, Angry Birds, etc., they spend 20 hours programming Java games. I think they will come out ahead in the tech category. :lol:

 

My ds would definitely play more if we didn't talk to him about it a lot. And we've always discussed it as a possible negative, and dc have really bought into that. We talk about all of the things they have accomplished that they never could have if they were in front of TV, video games, and FB all day. And dh and I model all of the things you can do instead: bike rides, family ball games in teh backyard, college classes, playing chess, reading, spending time with friends, etc.

[SKL]

I think that to some extent, it depends on the individual. When my kids were little, I had one who would be "sucked in" (regardless of what was on the screen) and one who could really take it or leave it. That is one of the reasons we keep the TV off almost all the time. I don't even let people watch the news while the kids are running around the house, because they'll be transfixed on the stuff about rapes and alternative sex stuff etc., which I don't desire to discuss with them at this age. I could also see them getting unduly influenced by ads at this age. After having this policy for several years, it's still the case that one daughter is sucked in by the tube (when allowed) and the other is not.

 

I know older people who are "vidiots," and I used to think it was because they had no or limited access to TV as kids (due to their ages and where they grew up). But they have similar personality traits to my "vidiot" daughter, so I think it's personality.

 

That said, of course your kids are dying to know what all the fuss is about when it comes to electronic games. They are complex and highly stimulating. Whether you let them play all day or just a little each week, they will still be interested as long as there's something new to do or learn. Personally I allow the DS at certain times, but those times are limited by all the other things we have to do. They still play with their toys and read and such. Today my dd asked if it is OK for them to play their guitar even though they aren't taking lessons nowadays :). So their interests are still varied despite the DS. Knowing they will get another chance at the DS before long probably helps to keep them interested in other things.

[TranquilMind]

We rarely watch TV (some DVD movies, some sporting events or old shows like I Love Lucy), the kids don't play games on the computer, we don't have wii or other gaming devices. We don't let the kids use our ipods and we don't own a Kindle or Nook or ipad.

 

If you are raising your kids the same way, do you find that when your kids see a computer game, or wii or any of the other listed above, and they are then totally sucked into the vortex of the electronics, do you think it's because it's the "forbidden fruit" syndrome or because of the very nature of the electronics. I ask, because sometimes I wonder that if we allowed very limited use of some of these devices, they wouldn't be as drawn to them as they are now...or if it really didn't matter, they would still be drawn to them.

 

thanks for your opinions.

 

No, I don't think it matters. We had none when the kids were little. Daughter still watches almost no tv. but both love video games when unrestricted (as on summer break). I still don't allow them during the school week.

[Dealea86]

We used to be pretty lax about screen time here. We let DD watch videos every day, though not excessively. We also let her play games on the computer. She always got the zombie look on her face when it was on, but we sort of waved that off and said we were controlling what she watched and it wasn't really that much anyway.

 

However... last year I had surgery, and pretty soon after recovering from surgery I got pregnant. The first trimester was really rough. I was put on partial bedrest. So basically, for about six months DD spent nearly all day with youtube or a movie on, or else playing reader rabbit. She seriously wanted to do nothing else that whole time. Every spare moment she was allowed to be glued to a screen, she was. It was a huge problem.

 

After I hit the second trimester and started feeling more human again, we decided we needed to go cold turkey on screen time. It took her about a month to stop asking for it All. The. Time. These days we'll let her watch a movie once a week or sit and watch DH play a computer game. We also do her reading program (progressive phonics) on the computer, though it's just reading a book online - no games, graphics, videos, or music. I also let her use paint or notepad on the computer. But no games that she plays herself. She just can't handle it.

 

Looking back, she's always been that way. But because we were less strict about the screen time, it wasn't as apparent.

 

She still has a hard time entertaining herself (I posted a thread about that last week). All she wants to do all day is have me read to her. I don't know if that's related to her screen-zombie problem, but I imagine it's at least a distant cousin. We're hoping that the longer we go with severely limited screen time, the more she'll learn to play.

 

And, no, I don't feel bad about it. She gets addicted; it's not a pretty sight. I feel like at this age it's my job to do the limiting for her. As she gets older, we'll probably loosen up on this so that she can learn to set her own limits. But for now, I'm doing this for her own good.

[Pamela H in Texas]

We're not quite as limited as you; but yes, my kids get completely drawn in, completely unable to function otherwise (will potty dance rather than go to the bathroom, don't answer readily, stare at the tv as 1% of them tries to do whatever you asked, etc). It is the main reason we don't do screens.

 

My big kids SO weren't like that. I could have left the tv on (we didn't) and they wouldn't have paid it any mind the great majority of the time. They rarely used their allotment of tv time when they were littles. However, they now live on the computer so not sure it (their personalities not doing that or limiting) really helped.

[Heart_Mom]

We don't watch TV at all, but we do a DVD maybe once per week. My children see sports on TV when they are visiting my in-laws. They are allowed to research something on our laptop, and I do have a Kindle for them to read on (the simple black and white one, not a Kindle Fire). Oh, and we don't do any video games or Wii at all, unless you count Quarter Mile (math drill).

 

They like to watch things, but I don't think they are drawn to it more because we limit it. Even if they were, I still don't think I'd give them more access. They have so much fun reading and making things, that I think they would really miss out.

[Walking-Iris]

I've gone through every sort of limiting tactic there is with my kids. No cable, but they were watching Netflix and DVDs. They have a Wii but very few video games. No handheld anything, not even us adults have any beyond a simple phone and a shared mp3 player. They have limited time allowed on the computer.

 

I think it depends on a kid's personality. My oldest has an addictive personality. Likely a result of being on the spectrum and also dx'ed with ocd/anxiety. At 9 I still have to strongly insist and remind him of the rules around media use. My 4 year old is more likely to turn things off when he's done and move onto other things in a reasonable time.

 

Also my dh is addicted to tv watching. I strike down his desire for cable every year.

 

About 2 weeks ago I removed the tv set and dvd player and the Wii and they now live in the attic. They'll stay there for at least a year.

 

I got tired of limiting it. Did I really want some thing in my life that needed to be limited to that extent? I won't limit their play or reading or artwork or games of tag etc. I got tired of the technology and movies and cartoons invading my family and wasting my family's time. What else could we have done or read or talked about or played in that half hour to an hour kwim? I got tired of the constant discussion about what and when it was going to be watched or who's turn it was to play. I got tired of saying things like "you can watch that after you do such and such first", giving the appearance of the screen being the better thing, the reward for doing the lesser thing, which in reality WAS the better thing to begin with. I got tired of going through the parental mental exercises of deciding what to watch or not watch or when they could or whose turn it was to pick or having to be a time watcher as well as everything else of dealing with any whining or begging. And then starting all over from scratch when that method wasn't working anymore. Dis i really want to spend my time making ridiculous incentive charts etc so they would *know* when tv was or was not okay? It's stupid how much time and energy is wasted on the topic of shiny boxes in modern families these days.

 

I got tired of seeing my kid's choose screen stuff first, as the dominant form of entertainment and only turning to other things after big mean mama turned things off. I got tired of seeing their play populated with characters and crazy action sequences. I got tired of them knowing characters in the movies better than they knew characters in their books or in their own imaginations.

 

I got tired of my dh falling asleep on the couch because of watching netflix late at night. :glare:

 

They all thought I lost my mind. I was even amazed when others acted horrified as if I had said we were going to live without water or electricity for a year. (although that's totally doable to in many a case). As if I were depriving them of some necessary thing. As if not having a tv in the front room was some unimaginable hardship. Most of these responses came from my in-laws.

 

I'll tell you the kids hated it at first. But I noticed something. They were *tired*, really tired. They napped and went to bed early and slept late those first few days. Clue number one I did the right thing. Suddenly my 4 year old is acting calmer and my older ds is constantly reading. They've been pretending. Playing outside a lot (until it got super hot). We are taking a break from school, but my ds has asked to do some things. *Asked* to do school instead of being *told*. My dh has done more stuff around the house. I've started some more projects. They've been listening to music.

 

Long story short--2 weeks in and it's been great. They still have very limited computer time. My dh needs it for work and I use it a lot for homeschooling. I haven't figured out about other people's homes yet. My ds really wants a ds for xmas. We'll figure that stuff out as we go along.

 

Anyway. I'm really glad we made this decision.

Edited July 1, 2012 by Walking-Iris

[Soror]

I know everyone thinks that limiting will equal obsession and allowing free access will create kiddos who self-limit, but it's really not that simple. We can all think of that kid we know who is forbidden screen time and is obsessed at other's homes. And I can name plenty who are allowed free access at home who are obsessed at other's homes. And many of the folks limiting TV are doing so because they grew up with free access, became addicted, and want something else for their own dc.

 

It's more about their personality, the example the parents set, and the conversations and teaching in place.

 

:iagree: I totally agree. Just like with anything else. There is no magic solution.

 

We've had various limiting around here. Although certainly hardly any when ds was small especially. We've never had cable, although we've had a couple of network channels in the past.

 

Currently and for a good while we've had just Netflix and no other stations. Ds has a DS, which my mom got him for Christmas, I was not thrilled but dh discussed and I acquiesced. At first he was obsessed but these days he hardly plays it, I allow it during quiet time but he only plays it for a bit then.

 

I generally let the kids watch a short show usually once a day currently- although a few months back we were at one movie per week for everyone. A few weeks back when my hips were killing me and the only position that seemed good was laying down we watched a ton of various things.

 

They can be obsessive sometimes at other's houses and sometimes not. I've seen them try to engage my niece and nephew who are too obsessed with tv as well and they have 24/7 access. They certainly do not act more obsessed than them.

 

From watching my own it seems the more I allow the more they think about it and want it. The more it is restricted the more they enjoy it but also the more they get creative with their play. It works best when there are clear limits here but as I said we vacillate on viewing habits based on various things, but never watch a ton.

[Cera]

Maybe you should ask the alternate group: those who do not limit screens. See how much time their kids actually sit transfixed.

 

Personally I think it has a lot to do with personality. Some kids can handle it, some kids can't. And those with more exposure often see it as old hat. The thrill isn't there. I only limit screens during the school year. Right now the TV is on, but dd isn't watching it. (She turned it on when she got up.) She is putting up a tent in my living room. Once she gets in she won't be able to watch. :tongue_smilie:

 

PS. Maybe a third group should be addressed. Those who limit screen time because of known issues. I think we have a few parents of kids with known screen addiction.

 

:iagree:

 

I think a lot has to do with personality. We have a tv but the only time it is on is Sunday evening (movie night). My kids have an imac, ipad, 2 ds's and 2 itouches. I think the last time they used the ds's and itouches was about three months ago on vacation. They rarely decided to use the computer or ipad but when they do one tends to get sucked in and has to be told to turn it off and go play. The other will play for a little while and wander off after losing interest.

[Ali in OR]

We occasionally watch DVDs. The girls play with dh's iPod Touch once in awhile. They have zero interest in Wii or other game systems. They will stop and watch movies on TVs in stores or doctor's offices. The youngest in particular would play Angry Birds or Boggle on the iPod for long stretches of time if allowed. But for the most part they are more interested in active play or reading than screens.

[Mommyof4ks]

Maybe you should ask the alternate group: those who do not limit screens. See how much time their kids actually sit transfixed.

 

Personally I think it has a lot to do with personality. Some kids can handle it, some kids can't. And those with more exposure often see it as old hat. The thrill isn't there. I only limit screens during the school year. Right now the TV is on, but dd isn't watching it. (She turned it on when she got up.) She is putting up a tent in my living room. Once she gets in she won't be able to watch. :tongue_smilie:

 

PS. Maybe a third group should be addressed. Those who limit screen time because of known issues. I think we have a few parents of kids with known screen addiction.

 

:iagree: I do not limit screen time for two of my kids, but I have to with my middle son. He is my sensory kid though, so maybe tht has something to do with it. My other two can take or leave the screens most days. I used to limit movies, but I found they were always asking when they could watch one or they were waiting for that time to come. Now they can go days it hour thinking about movies. Just our experience. All kids are different and need different rules.

[LaxMom]

As I type this, my kids are in zombie mode in front of Netflix. Last night, they were in zombie mode in front of a B&W movie (they picked) and then the news in our hotel room. But... We just spent the past two days in 100+ heat index at a tournament, so we're all in long stare mode and I know they would be whining because they would be feeling compelled to entertain themselves (instead of staring at the wall) and not have the energy to do it.

 

We limit, generally, to maybe a movie on Friday night, while we eat pizza. Not every Friday, but it's a regular family night. Otherwise, there's no tv (videos included), gaming systems, handheld devices, and they rarely use the computer other than to look something up or listen to Pandora (our radio reception is sketchy, we stream music or NPR... No screen) They do have Nooks (original, e-ink).

 

I don't think they're more drawn to a screen that's on because we limit; I know plenty of children who have unlimited access to screens who are more obsessed with it being on than my kids. I know kids who have regular screen time and are not particularly sucked out by a screen.

 

The reason we limit to nearly nothing is because our kids do not self-limit, and they become bored and surly when they sit passively in front of a screen too long. Whether that is a function of maturity or a personality type, I don't know but, as their parents, it is our job to help cultivate good, productive habits. When they're adults, they can determine - with maturity and responsibility on their side, hopefully - what their interest level is.

Edited July 2, 2012 by MyCrazyHouse

[woolybear]

If you are raising your kids the same way, do you find that when your kids see a computer game, or wii or any of the other listed above, and they are then totally sucked into the vortex of the electronics, do you think it's because it's the "forbidden fruit" syndrome or because of the very nature of the electronics. I ask, because sometimes I wonder that if we allowed very limited use of some of these devices, they wouldn't be as drawn to them as they are now...or if it really didn't matter, they would still be drawn to them.

 

thanks for your opinions.

I think it is a bit of both. However, more to the point, I think it is really a personality thing. I have one who loves anything electronic and I believe, given the opportunity, would spend countless hours in front of some kind of screen. Kind of like his mom and her computer. *cough*. Ahem. But I digress...... My other ds likes to watch an occasional show, but can really take it or leave it. I definitely limit screen time and your lack of screen type gadgets sounds like our home. Thinking about this more, I think it is more the nature of electronics than the forbidden fruit thing.

[Walking-Iris]

I think it is a bit of both. However, more to the point, I think it is really a personality thing. I have one who loves anything electronic and I believe, given the opportunity, would spend countless hours in front of some kind of screen. Kind of like his mom and her computer. *cough*. Ahem. But I digress...... My other ds likes to watch an occasional show, but can really take it or leave it. I definitely limit screen time and your lack of screen type gadgets sounds like our home. Thinking about this more, I think it is more the nature of electronics than the forbidden fruit thing.

 

Bolded this because that's what I believe as well. I think it's the actual machine itself that is addicting. Personality plays a big part, but I personally believe that having a lot of screens in the home just ups the chances of over using. I protect my kids from other things that would be detrimental in large quantities---certain foods or activities. I think media is the same way. I think even if a child turned a tv on and then went off to do something else, that's a symptom of the problem. Why does it *need* to be on? My in-laws are the types who turn a tv on first thing even if they aren't watching...automatically like you would check the thermostat or start the coffee...:001_huh:

 

I don't get it.