What makes it okay to say something on a message board

[nmoira]

I DO say what I think, just not *everything* that I think. Like when I think people are idiots. I rarely actually tell people they are idiots.:tongue_smilie:

Phil Plait gave a fantastic talk a couple years ago at TAM 8, which he started by asking an self-selected audience of skeptics (1) how many in the audience used to believe in something (pseudoscience, etc.), (2) how many lost that belief and became a skeptic because someone got in their face and called them an idiot.

 

Here's the entire talk:

 

 

(I love when he talks about the moon illusion... he always looks like a vein is about to pop. :D )

[Mrs Mungo]

Phil Plait gave a fantastic talk a couple years ago at TAM 8, which he started by asking an self-selected audience of skeptics (1) how many in the audience used to believe in something (pseudoscience, etc.), (2) how many lost that belief and became a skeptic because someone got in their face and called them an idiot.

 

Here's the entire talk:

 

 

(I love when he talks about the moon illusion... he always looks like a vein is about to pop. :D )

 

Your argument for calling people an idiot is better than any of the arguments for it being okay to call people trashy. Maybe that is because I would never call anyone trashy. I think it is crazy-rude.

[nmoira]

Your argument for calling people an idiot is better than any of the arguments for it being okay to call people trashy. Maybe that is because I would never call anyone trashy. I think it is crazy-rude.

For not calling people an idiot. :001_smile:

 

ETA: His point was that not only does it not work, but it makes rational discourse impossible.

[Kirch]

I can't get banned from life.

 

Love this quote! :lol:

[Mrs Mungo]

For not calling people an idiot. :001_smile:

 

ETA: His point was that not only does it not work, but it makes rational discourse impossible.

 

Oh, boo, you make me sad. :lol:

[Ibbygirl]

So, while some people become very nasty on line, I think many, many people feel they are *better*, more full people on line.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: My closest friend IRL (because I do share my life here on these boards) is also my best board buddy Rosie. I talk to her just about every day. She's beloved to me and a part of my life. I don't think less of our friendship because it's "online". It's more real to me than people who keep me at a superficial distance IRL because we just don't have much in common. Rosie and I choose to spend our time writing each other or chatting on FB whereas a lot of people IRL who talk to me do so because it is a function where we just happen to be thrown together and they make surface conversation because it would be impolite not to.

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug::grouphug: My closest friend IRL (because I do share my life here on these boards) is also my best board buddy Rosie. I talk to her just about every day. She's beloved to me and a part of my life. I don't think less of our friendship because it's "online". It's more real to me than people who keep me at a superficial distance IRL because we just don't have much in common. Rosie and I choose to spend our time writing each other or chatting on FB whereas a lot of people IRL who talk to me do so because it is a function where we just happen to be thrown together and they make surface conversation because it would be impolite not to.

 

dh and I met online:lol::lol::lol: both working at the same software company. I responded to recent posts on a dating board where the guys were 6'0 or taller. He and I struck up a friendship immediately but I dated the other guy I met for awhile before realizing dh was the one for me.:lol::lol::lol: It was awesome being friends first though.

 

I have a friend I met online 25 years ago. We used to talk daily, too. She is single, works full time, and is very liberal. I am more conservative, sort of, SAH homeschool mom. We've been great friends! I have flown to see her, and she to see me, several times. Even her PARENTS came to my house for dinner when they were travelling in New England! They are GREAT friends.

 

 

Online and distance? It doesn't make bit of difference with friendships. It just makes one wish they lived closer. I remember the days when my friend and I would email back and forth all day long. We got to know each other just as well as my IRL friends and our friendship is still so special..

[Stacy in NJ]

that you wouldn't say to someone in "real life?" This obviously comes from the tattoo thread.

 

I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say to someone irl. This is real life. These forum is made up of real people.

 

Honestly I didn't get my feelings hurt in the other thread. I don't care what people think of my tattoos. But that thread isn't the first time I've seen this kind of thing. It happens often.

 

It just left me wondering.

 

IMO, some people who post here give a pretty accurate impression of who they are irl but, then, some don't. Some people reveal things about themselves intentionally and purposefully; other do it unintentionally. To a certain extent we can control what information we share and how we present ourselves in a way that wouldn't be possible irl. Our own perceptions about ourselves cloud an accurate portrait, though. This is why I always answer questions in an abstract manner.

 

I know there are real people with real feelings but they may not be the people or the feelings I think they are. I always keep that in mind.

[sewingmama]

to the red, it is perfectly fine to say you don't like tattoos. There are kind and unkind ways, respectful and non, hurtful and non, ways of expressing yourself. It is always good to take others feelins into consideration. It is easy to see how meaningful tattoos are to most people who have them.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I think when you are discussing things on a public forum you should be even more polite because you can't contol who is listening in.

 

It's perfectly fine for everyone to express their own opinion -but do it tactfully and politely.

 

I came across a thread once where the poster asked "So what do you think of women who shave their heads ". (not on this forum).

 

It turned out much the same -10 pages of people saying how shaved heads are ugly, it's embarrassing and how they would rather die then to walk around bald and that the people who did it only do it to attract attention to themselves. For a person suffering from extensive hairloss - that thread was HURTFUL.

 

Think of all the really horrible things you secretly think about yourself - now think about how you secretly hope no one thinks badly about the things you hate about yourself - then think about how it would feel to walk into a room full of people discussing how bald women are ugly, unattractive, gross, creepy and attention seekers and you yourself were bald from a medical condition.

 

At least with tattoos the person chose to get the tattoo - so are usually proud of it and don't care what others say. Imagine if someone forced you against your will to get a tattoo and you hate it yourself and are really embarressed about it and then you overhear a bunch of people saying how "they are low class and tacky".

 

I follow the rule that if I wouldn't like someone to overhear what I said IRL then I don't say it on the internet.

 

And I don't buy the "I tell it like it is and I tell the truth because I'm forthright and honest" If one of my friends came up to me and said "Your tattoo makes you look low class and trashy" they wouldn't be my friend much longer -what type of friend is that anyway :glare:

[Slartibartfast]

IMO, some people who post here give a pretty accurate impression of who they are irl but, then, some don't. Some people reveal things about themselves intentionally and purposefully; other do it unintentionally. To a certain extent we can control what information we share and how we present ourselves in a way that wouldn't be possible irl. Our own perceptions about ourselves cloud an accurate portrait, though. This is why I always answer questions in an abstract manner.

 

I know there are real people with real feelings but they may not be the people or the feelings I think they are. I always keep that in mind.

 

That makes no sense.

[Ibbygirl]

dh and I met online:lol::lol: both working at the same software company. I responded to recent posts on a dating board where the guys were 6'0 or taller. He and I struck up a friendship immediately but I dated the other guy I met for awhile before realizing dh was the one for me. It was awesome being friends first though.

 

I have a friend I met online 25 years ago. We used to talk daily, too. She is single, works full time, and is very liberal. I am more conservative, sort of, SAH homeschool mom. We've been great friends! I have flown to see her, and she to see me, several times. Even her PARENTS came to my house for dinner when they were travelling in New England! They are GREAT friends.

 

 

Online and distance? It doesn't make bit of difference with friendships. It just makes one wish they lived closer. I remember the days when my friend and I would email back and forth all day long. We got to know each other just as well as my IRL friends and our friendship is still so special..

 

That's great! :) About the distance, I too wish I could visit Rosie, but Australia is a wee bit far for me to travel with a family of 4 and Florida is a wee bit far for her to travel with her family of 4 too. Sigh. Maybe someday, but I'm so happy that at least the internet allows us to chat often. :)

 

ETA: I don't know why I put so many :grouphug: in my prior post. :confused: I think I meant to put :iagree: but I'm tired and clicked the wrong smilie. :p hehe

[Mimm]

I avoided that thread. I saw the first post calling it trashing and just closed the tab. I knew it would be kind of ugly because that was an ugly thing to say. There are more polite ways of expressing that. And yes, people on here are real people. Maybe they don't choose to reveal everything about themselves and maybe there are some people who really aren't at all who they say they are, but even they are real people. And it always makes me sad to see people treated badly.

[Slartibartfast]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I think when you are discussing things on a public forum you should be even more polite because you can't contol who is listening in.

 

It's perfectly fine for everyone to express their own opinion -but do it tactfully and politely.

 

I think that is true, generally IRL one may know more about the situation or someone can read your expressions. One does tailor their response to the person they are talking to, when that is a wide general audience the likelihood of displeasing someone is much higher.

 

I came across a thread once where the poster asked "So what do you think of women who shave their heads ". (not on this forum).

 

It turned out much the same -10 pages of people saying how shaved heads are ugly, it's embarrassing and how they would rather die then to walk around bald and that the people who did it only do it to attract attention to themselves. For a person suffering from extensive hairloss - that thread was HURTFUL.

 

Think of all the really horrible things you secretly think about yourself - now think about how you secretly hope no one thinks badly about the things you hate about yourself - then think about how it would feel to walk into a room full of people discussing how bald women are ugly, unattractive, gross, creepy and attention seekers and you yourself were bald from a medical condition.

 

 

I agree that would be pretty sad and hurtful. My sister has been going through chemo. I can't imagine how people can be so trumped up with their own self worth that they forget those situations in which such things cannot be prevented.

 

 

And I don't buy the "I tell it like it is and I tell the truth because I'm forthright and honest" If one of my friends came up to me and said "Your tattoo makes you look low class and trashy" they wouldn't be my friend much longer -what type of friend is that anyway :glare:

I am forthright and honest because I have diarrhea of the mouth and stuff just comes out. I don't think it is necessarily a positive trait but both positive and negative. But I don't generally call ANYTHING trashy because I think it is a vulgar thing to say.

[sewingmama]

Originally Posted by Denisemomof4

dh and I met online:lol::lol: both working at the same software company. I responded to recent posts on a dating board where the guys were 6'0 or taller. He and I struck up a friendship immediately but I dated the other guy I met for awhile before realizing dh was the one for me. It was awesome being friends first though.

 

I have a friend I met online 25 years ago. We used to talk daily, too. She is single, works full time, and is very liberal. I am more conservative, sort of, SAH homeschool mom. We've been great friends! I have flown to see her, and she to see me, several times. Even her PARENTS came to my house for dinner when they were travelling in New England! They are GREAT friends.

 

 

Online and distance? It doesn't make bit of difference with friendships. It just makes one wish they lived closer. I remember the days when my friend and I would email back and forth all day long. We got to know each other just as well as my IRL friends and our friendship is still so special..

 

 

I met my DH on the internet :001_smile:

 

Despite what people think - Canada IS a real place with real people :lol::tongue_smilie:

[Barb_]

But I don't generally call ANYTHING trashy because I think it is a vulgar thing to say.

 

Really?? Jersey Shore? C'mon...there has to be something!

[Rosie_0801]

. I think calling someone trashy is more offensive than calling them an idiot.

 

It sure is in my dialect... :blink:

 

 

Rosie

[Slartibartfast]

Really?? Jersey Shore? C'mon...there has to be something!

 

I pretend that doesn't exist. Disbelieve! Disbelieve!

[scrappyhappymama]

I am talking about the people who state clearly that they think something/someone is trashy, ugly, gross, whatever and then say, "Oh, but I would never say that in real life." What's up with that? This is real life!

 

I think that when people say that, or at least when *I* say that, I mean that I am willing to discuss a subject in abstract on a message board, but I wouldn't necessarily go up to an individual in person and express that same opinion to them, especially if I know they believe much differently.

 

For example, I am passionate about several different issues regarding childbirth. I'll usually get involved in discussions here and elsewhere and share various studies and other information or my own experiences. But, I'd never walk up to any of my acquaintances who happen to be pregnant and start spouting off on what I think they should do. That would be rude. Answering honest inquiries online is not rude.

 

I think that one of the disconnects I found in the tattoo thread and have seen often is that people state general opinions, but they are extrapolated to applying to a specific person. So for instance, if I were to state my opinion and belief that a 35% c-section rate is too high, it does not mean that I believe that any particular person's c-section was unwarranted. But yet, often in discussions like these, someone will take offense to the opinion that too many c-sections are performed and respond by sharing the reason theirs was so necessary.

 

I did not express an opinion in the tattoo thread and I don't intend to do so now. But I can appreciate that some folks might consider tattoos to be trashy in general, without meaning that they think every single individual who happens to have a tattoo is themselves trashy.

[Onceuponatime]

I think if someone asked a person IRL "do you think tattoos are trashy?" they would feel free to answer that honestly.

 

I think the poll was worded in a manner that invited negativity.

 

So say I am sitting down for a tea party

 

Person A: So...do you think tattoos are trashy? Yes or no?

 

Person B: Yes, I think they are low class.

 

Person C: You are an idiot so who cares!

 

Person D: I am offended by all y'all

 

Person E: I am sorry B was so mean. :(

 

Person B: Hey! They asked me!

 

 

Which is what happened. :lol:

 

You forgot person F: I wish they would change the subject. MM these mini cheescakes are good. I wonder if I could get the recipe. :seeya:

[FiveOaksAcademy]

that you wouldn't say to someone in "real life?" This obviously comes from the tattoo thread.

 

I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say to someone irl. This is real life. These forum is made up of real people.

 

Honestly I didn't get my feelings hurt in the other thread. I don't care what people think of my tattoos. But that thread isn't the first time I've seen this kind of thing. It happens often.

 

It just left me wondering.

 

Interesting. I didn't post anything in the tattoo threads, but I always ponder those same questions when I see the absolute vitriolic attacks towards Christians on these boards. I feel sad for those with that type of hatred in their hearts because I know it has to be miserable to live like that. :crying: Sometimes I'm shocked by it, but then God said it would happen in His Word, so I shouldn't be totally blown away.

[Stacy in NJ]

That makes no sense.

 

:001_smile:

[Happy]

that you wouldn't say to someone in "real life?" This obviously comes from the tattoo thread.

 

I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say to someone irl. This is real life. These forum is made up of real people.

 

Honestly I didn't get my feelings hurt in the other thread. I don't care what people think of my tattoos. But that thread isn't the first time I've seen this kind of thing. It happens often.

 

It just left me wondering.

 

I've worked with the public all my life---worked in my mom's small business at age 10. There are some times and places where my opinion is not asked for or needed. I keep my mouth shut. I'm currently working with a couple selling their home because of a divorce. They have no idea of my feelings on how they are handling it or the sale. They shouldn't know at all, that's not my job. If they ask, I'll find a way to express my opinion.

 

There are levels of disclosure, imho. Among friends, I will be more open than with clients or strangers. With family, they already know my opinion probably.

 

I think people who always let their opinion known are the hard ones to live with.

 

For the record, I'm **offended** by this thread. I'm tired of being beaten up on a message board for offering an answer to a question.

 

Board break time. See y'all later. :auto:

[FiveOaksAcademy]

 

I think people who always let their opinion known are the hard ones to live with.

 

 

:auto:

 

:iagree: It also shows a pretty deep level of immaturity.

[Soror]

There are levels of disclosure, imho. Among friends, I will be more open than with clients or strangers. With family, they already know my opinion probably.

 

I think people who always let their opinion known are the hard ones to live with.

 

For the record, I'm **offended** by this thread. I'm tired of being beaten up on a message board for offering an answer to a question.

 

:iagree: One is not to say they think they are trashy and low class. But wait you also cannot say you don't like the way they look as that is saying you don't like the person. There are plenty of looks and fashions in the world and we are not obliged to like them all. I took the post to ask what people really thought without censoring but apparently that wasn't the case at all.

 

FWIW I don't like the way they look but wouldn't tell someone that in real life, unless they asked my opinion. Most people don't ask people irl their opinions about such things, thus why we say more online because people ask question online that would rarely be asked in public. No one would randomly survey thousands of people face to face about their own personal decision. It has nothing to do of what I think of a person and I wouldn't mention not liking it as it wouldn't be helpful or kind.

Edited June 4, 2012 by soror

[GailV]

I think that when people say that, or at least when *I* say that, I mean that I am willing to discuss a subject in abstract on a message board, but I wouldn't necessarily go up to an individual in person and express that same opinion to them, especially if I know they believe much differently.

 

For example, I am passionate about several different issues regarding childbirth. I'll usually get involved in discussions here and elsewhere and share various studies and other information or my own experiences. But, I'd never walk up to any of my acquaintances who happen to be pregnant and start spouting off on what I think they should do. That would be rude. Answering honest inquiries online is not rude.

 

I think that one of the disconnects I found in the tattoo thread and have seen often is that people state general opinions, but they are extrapolated to applying to a specific person. So for instance, if I were to state my opinion and belief that a 35% c-section rate is too high, it does not mean that I believe that any particular person's c-section was unwarranted. But yet, often in discussions like these, someone will take offense to the opinion that too many c-sections are performed and respond by sharing the reason theirs was so necessary.

 

 

:iagree: Although my passions don't happen to include childbirth. But I think this is a valid point.

 

I see the original question as: Is a discussion on a message board different that a discussion "in real life"?

 

"In real life" the original question of this thread was posed yesterday, and the person asking has moved on to other concerns, possibly forgetting about this discussion over time (if not today, then, say, over the years). We'll most likely still be able to see this discussion 10 years from now -- again, this is different than "in real life". Have you ever stumbled across a forum discussion you participated in years and years ago? It's an odd sensation. Anyway, others (by which I mean the hundreds of participants in this forum plus other millions who can wander in via search engines or whatnot) can pick apart every single phrase of this discussion at their leisure, and choose whether or not to censure each writer and to what extent. In a "real life" conversation that doesn't happen.

 

And that's just ONE way that this message board discussion is different than real life. Myriad differences exist.

[GailV]

But I don't generally call ANYTHING trashy because I think it is a vulgar thing to say.

 

Trashy Lingerie is the name of a store. I think it's a hoot of a name -- it's stuck in my head for years and years. There's also a website Trashy.com -- I don't know if it's related or not. Again, I can see humor in that, although it's not a website I've ever visited or am much interested in.

 

Trashy Roots Salon in Texas -- just found that via google when I was checking to see if Trashy Lingerie still existed. Oh, wait, there's one in Missouri, too, Is this a franchise?

 

Trashy Diva clothing store in New Orleans.

 

And in college my friends and I sometimes spent the weekend reading trashy romance novels and eating huge bags of M&Ms. And, yes, we used the word "trashy" in that context with total abandon.

 

I am apparently doomed to a life of vulgarity.

Edited June 4, 2012 by GailV

[*Lulu*]

I'm not talking about people who give their opinion when asked for. When someone posts a thread looking for opinions, opinions will be given. We can all choose to be offended or to not be offended. I have learned after four years here not to be offended by the vast majority of things. I got my feelings hurt on a tattoo/piercing thread last year (I think it was) and vowed that would be the last time I would let this forum offend me.

 

I am talking about the people who state clearly that they think something/someone is trashy, ugly, gross, whatever and then say, "Oh, but I would never say that in real life." What's up with that? This is real life!

 

I think it is a human nature thing. I see it as being similar to when people make generalizations about a group of people, but have good things to say about an individual within that group. Online, even when we are discussing people's personal situations, because we are not face to face it feels more general.

 

IRL I keep most of what I think to myself unless directly asked. (Except with DH, poor man hears it whiether he wants to or not! :tongue_smilie: ) Here on the boards I probably erase 15 posts for every one I post. Just because I sensor myself more than some others doesn't make me less sincere or honest. I just believe that in most circumstances people really do not want to hear what others think if it is contrary to thier own opinion. I smile when I see JAWM threads labeled as such and wish we had an IRL equivalent. It sure would make family get togethers more pleasant! :D

Edited June 4, 2012 by BLA5

[Meriwether]

But I don't generally call ANYTHING trashy because I think it is a vulgar thing to say.

 

Please don't think I'm picking at what you said. This is just what started my thinking. I don't think most of the people would use the word trashy. When I read the poll, I saw the three specific options as being "strongly dislike", "neutral", and "strongly like". The words used like "trashy" were too strong but I'm not neutral, so I didn't vote. I think if there had been five options with a "dislike" and a "like", it would have come across differently.

 

And while I don't like trashy, tramp stamp seems as bad to me, but people didn't seem to have trouble with that.:confused:

[MariannNOVA]

that you wouldn't say to someone in "real life?" This obviously comes from the tattoo thread. I don't think it's okay to say something here that in IRL would be considered hurtful or inappropriate. While we may not be speaking face to face here, it is still IRL, kwim?

 

I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say to someone irl. This is real life. These forum is made up of real people.

:iagree: The first time (years ago) I saw a group literally gang up on someone else b/c an opinion was not shared, I was stunned. All appropriateness and graciousness went out the door. When it happens, it continues to stun me.

 

Honestly I didn't get my feelings hurt in the other thread. I don't care what people think of my tattoos. But that thread isn't the first time I've seen this kind of thing. It happens often.

Again, I agree. There are times when I read blistering posts here and I wonder if face to face the individual would be as outspoken, blunt, and hurtful. Then again, I also think that maybe I am too sensitive.

 

It just left me wondering.

 

I wonder about it as well. We are homeschoolers -- we are teaching our children, and probably at some point we all ruminate over different curricula for writing, vocabulary, etc., b/c we want our children to express themselves appropriately, articulately, and not demean another when they do. Yet (stay with me), some seem to lash out here and do a 180 from what we do embrace as homeschoolers...communication that is appropriate and positive.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Bwhahahaha!

 

I find it absurd people say things online that they would not say IRL. It doesn't make you nicer, it just makes you a chicken.

 

ditto

[Amy in NH]

I think that part of the issue is that someone asked for people's honest opinions, and when those were given, others took offense. Offense was a by-product of some people's truthfulness, not the intention of it.

 

I sincerely believe that if you do NOT want to hear people's honest opinions, you should never ask it, and certainly never ask for it on a forum where relative anonymity emboldens people to be more honest than they might in real life.

 

As for me... I say what I mean all the time. Here. IRL. There is no difference. I dislike people who put on a "nice" face, whether online or IRL. I much prefer to know where a person really stands. I prefer to know what is their truth. I don't have to like it and I don't have to agree with it, but if I am offended by it, it is only because I choose to be offended by it.

 

 

:iagree:

 

If you weren't the one asking the question, but you go ahead and read the answers anyway, you are just asking to be offended if you didn't really want to know the honest truth.

[Amy in NH]

I see the absolute vitriolic attacks towards Christians on these boards

 

:confused:

 

I have seen many, many very civil and educational discussions on religion here. I don't recall any in the last year where the post devolved into an "absolute vitriolic attack towards Christians".

Edited June 4, 2012 by Amy in NH

[PentecostalMom]

I have had my feelings hurt so I am more careful about what I say. I also know from experience that things in print do not always come across as they would in person because there is no inflection or expression to accompany it.

Edited June 4, 2012 by PentecostalMom

[KungFuPanda]

*Disclaimer: I didn't read the tatoi thread*

 

that you wouldn't say to someone in "real life?" This obviously comes from the tattoo thread.

 

I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say to someone irl. This is real life. These forum is made up of real people.

 

Honestly I didn't get my feelings hurt in the other thread. I don't care what people think of my tattoos. But that thread isn't the first time I've seen this kind of thing. It happens often.

 

It just left me wondering.

 

I think it's very different. We all know people IRL and could choose to ask them the same question. We ask here because we want to know what people really think that good manners prohibit them from saying out loud. I don't believe that tact makes you false any more than saying what you're really thinking when asked online makes you a chicken. The person is essentially asking to know what people wouldn't tell them IRL.

 

 

 

Don't feel bad. I think I'm C too. :tongue_smilie:Women are plain weird.

 

IRL, I never respond to statements like these by telling people that I think female misogynists are weird and that an inability to get along with half the world's population is a strange thing to be proud of. :D.

 

I have my friends over for tea all the time. We've yet to have the type of argument described in this thread. It's just not how you behave in someone's home.

 

Why is it OK on this forum to ask a question which cannot be answered honestly without rubbing some people the wrong way?

 

Why is it OK on this forum to ask a question you would never ask in real life? For example, thousands of questions about:

• what to do about my rotten kid, husband, MIL, sister, etc.
  
• help me self-diagnose my mental problem
  
• where do you buy comfy bras and menstrual cups
  
• why my neighbor planting a tree by my fence or a fence by my tree
  
• what is this stuff in my 11yo dd's underwear
  
• how often do you wash your sheets/sweep/bathe ...
  
• what should I do if a kid I know isn't being treated right
  
• why do gay people dress a certain way
  
• how often do you have "tea"
  
• what if I want a kid and my husband doesn't
  
• my husband is having a mental breakdown
  
• I want to get away from my children
  
• etc etc etc
  

I think it's reasonable to expect conversation here to be different from IRL.

 

 

OK, IRL I have had some of those discussions, but never with a large group of strangers and it never turned into an argument.

 

ETA: I JUST saw the tags! Which one of you added JAWM?

Edited June 4, 2012 by KungFuPanda

[tntgoodwin]

I am much nicer and more sensitive to people here than I am "IRL"

[In the Rain]

I am talking about the people who state clearly that they think something/someone is trashy, ugly, gross, whatever and then say, "Oh, but I would never say that in real life." What's up with that? This is real life!

 

:iagree: That is weird. I know some people from the board IRL. I guess that keeps me honest. ;)

[NanceXToo]

n/m

Edited June 4, 2012 by NanceXToo

[kalanamak]

:confused:

 

I have seen many, many very civil and educational discussions on religion here. I don't recall any in the last year where the post devolved into an "absolute vitriolic attack towards Christians".

 

 

I recall one that was along the lines of "if you don't agree with me you aren't the right kind of Christian". In that thread, it was mostly believers sticking up for themselves and the OP and a couple of others acting outraged. But I would call it "absolute vitriolic".

 

We have to remember that there are "high belters" in the world, those who think what many other people think is okay, is, to them, below the belt.

[Mrs Mungo]

ETA: I JUST saw the tags! Which one of you added JAWM?

 

For the record, I got banned for a day the last time I tagged a thread with "just agree with me." People should probably be made aware that it's consider some kind of snarky personal attack.

[Slartibartfast]

:001_smile:

 

So you intended to be cryptic?

 

Do you think someone is trolling or is that your way of trolling?

[nmoira]

We have to remember that there are "high belters" in the world, those who think what many other people think is okay, is, to them, below the belt.

I've never heard "high belters" used other than in the context of singing. Love it!

[swellmomma]

I am in agreement.

 

I would probably be more forthright IRL. I don't like to get banned. :lol:

 

:iagree: Only I have faced banning here because I was just as blunt on here as irl. I know people like to think of the other posters online (not just this forum but any forum) as just an avatar. But there is a real person behind that picture and I try to keep that in mind when I post on a message board. Irl I am sarcastic and blunt, but try not to oertly offend others. I do the same here. I can't say I always succeed otherwise I never would have been banned in the past, but it happens. Just as I get myself into hot water irl for insulting someone.

 

then again, maybe I am just too trashy and low class to know how to be fake online.

[Nakia]

I guess I just don't know how to be someone different here than I am in real life. I believe it's possible to disagree without being disrespectful and to be honest AND kind. And yes, sometimes the truth hurts. Does that mean we shouldn't be truthful? No, but I believe we can be truthful in a way that doesn't belittle people. I believe we can disagree without being vile.

 

Some of you all seem to think I posted this thread because I am offended by the honest answers given on the tattoo thread. I can assure I am not that easily offended. I am glad people were honest on the tattoo thread. I value honesty. But what bothers me personally is the fact that some people say things here to real people that they wouldn't say if that person was standing right in front of them. I don't get that. I never will.

 

Like someone else mentioned, I know people from here in "real life" so maybe I am more sensitive to it. I don't know.

 

JAWM, ok? :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[*Lulu*]

I guess I just don't know how to be someone different here than I am in real life. I believe it's possible to disagree without being disrespectful and to be honest AND kind. And yes, sometimes the truth hurts. Does that mean we shouldn't be truthful? No, but I believe we can be truthful in a way that doesn't belittle people. I believe we can disagree without being vile.

 

Some of you all think I am posted this thread because I am offended by the honest answers given on the tattoo thread. I can assure I am not that easily offended. I am glad people were honest on the tattoo thread. I value honesty. But what bothers me personally is the fact that some people say things here to real people that they wouldn't say if that person was standing right in front of them. I don't get that. I never will.

 

Like someone else mentioned, I know people from here in "real life" so maybe I am more sensitive to it. I don't know.

 

JAWM, ok? :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

:D

 

See, that is all I am asking for in life- the people who just want me to nod my head to be real about it! :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes, Nakia, people should remember they are addressing real, live folks with feelings and treat them just like they would face to face. (Of course you do realize that some people are just cracker dog crazy or incapable of good behavior IRL or online.) :D

[GailV]

So you intended to be cryptic?

 

Do you think someone is trolling or is that your way of trolling?

 

For the record, it made sense to me.

 

But I'm not sure by your quote capture whether you saw the first part of her comment, which was in the Title section of the message. As an aside/rabbit trail, this is why I really dislike when people use the Title section of reply messages -- Titles don't show up in reply quotes and they show up on the emails sent out for subscription notifications, and a lot of times the messages seem fairly nonsensical because of it. If you reply solely in the message field, the first bit of your reply will become the title, assuming you're viewing in a mode that displays titles (which I'm not, nor are various others).

[Slartibartfast]

For the record, I got banned for a day the last time I tagged a thread with "just agree with me." People should probably be made aware that it's consider some kind of snarky personal attack.

 

I got banned for snarking on Texas. It was awesome!

 

Only the Sooner bred would be proud of that. :lol:

[swellmomma]

:D

 

See, that is all I am asking for in life- the people who just want me to nod my head to be real about it! :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes, Nakia, people should remember they are addressing real, live folks with feelings and treat them just like they would face to face. (Of course you do realize that some people are just cracker dog crazy or incapable of good behavior IRL or online.) :D

 

Those are the ones that keep us entertained when avoiding housework ;)

[*Lulu*]

Those are the ones that keep us entertained when avoiding housework ;)

 

Truth! :lol:

[Slartibartfast]

For the record, it made sense to me.

 

But I'm not sure by your quote capture whether you saw the first part of her comment, which was in the Title section of the message. As an aside/rabbit trail, this is why I really dislike when people use the Title section of reply messages -- Titles don't show up in reply quotes and they show up on the emails sent out for subscription notifications, and a lot of times the messages seem fairly nonsensical because of it. If you reply solely in the message field, the first bit of your reply will become the title, assuming you're viewing in a mode that displays titles (which I'm not, nor are various others).

 

I am on my phone, those don't show up. It made her post look like nonesense as if she was vaugly implying someone is a faker.

[Nakia]

:D

 

See, that is all I am asking for in life- the people who just want me to nod my head to be real about it! :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes, Nakia, people should remember they are addressing real, live folks with feelings and treat them just like they would face to face. (Of course you do realize that some people are just cracker dog crazy or incapable of good behavior IRL or online.) :D

 

Well, I prefer the term batsh*t crazy myself. :D