What makes it okay to say something on a message board

[*Lulu*]

Well, I prefer the term batsh*t crazy myself. :D

 

Ohhh, I've got a few of those in my family. Different level of nut IMHO. :tongue_smilie:

[Slartibartfast]

Those are the ones that keep us entertained when avoiding housework ;)

 

People are here packing my house and my kids fell asleep. Entertain me!!!!

[GailV]

I guess I just don't know how to be someone different here than I am in real life. I believe it's possible to disagree without being disrespectful and to be honest AND kind. And yes, sometimes the truth hurts. Does that mean we shouldn't be truthful? No, but I believe we can be truthful in a way that doesn't belittle people. I believe we can disagree without being vile.

 

Some of you all seem to think I posted this thread because I am offended by the honest answers given on the tattoo thread. I can assure I am not that easily offended. I am glad people were honest on the tattoo thread. I value honesty. But what bothers me personally is the fact that some people say things here to real people that they wouldn't say if that person was standing right in front of them. I don't get that. I never will.

 

Like someone else mentioned, I know people from here in "real life" so maybe I am more sensitive to it. I don't know.

 

JAWM, ok? :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Oh, see, when *I* say I wouldn't say something like thus-and-such in real life it's typically because no one asks me those things in real life. So I have a totally different frame of reference for saying "I wouldn't say that in real life." But 100 people here are probably going to have 100 different opinions on what the phrase should be taken to mean.

 

Also, in real, non-online life I'd possibly be humming a tune that the conversation reminds me of, which would possibly give context to my comments. Like, for instance, this morning, thinking about various threads here, I keep coming back to "Balzac! Rabelaiz! Chaucer!" and giggling to myself. Hmm, I guess another reason I don't say things in real life is because I too easily get off the subject at hand and wander off humming to myself.

 

Then again, my distractibility here leads me to participating in various disparate conversations on various fora simultaneously all over the internet with extremely dissimilar groups of people, which simply doesn't happen in real, non-online life, and can definitely lead to interesting juxtapositions. I wonder how that influences what I say or don't say online vs. not-online.

[GailV]

I am on my phone, those don't show up. It made her post look like nonesense as if she was vaugly implying someone is a faker.

 

Another reason to dislike the Title field, then.

 

I've decided the only thing I'm going to be passionate about on this forum is the misuse of the Title field. None of the rest of this really matters if we can't get that right.

 

And I'd never say anything about the Title field in real life, mostly because people would think I'm batsh*t crazy to talk about a Title field in a face-to-face conversation.

[Nakia]

Another reason to dislike the Title field, then.

 

I've decided the only thing I'm going to be passionate about on this forum is the misuse of the Title field. None of the rest of this really matters if we can't get that right.

 

And I'd never say anything about the Title field in real life, mostly because people would think I'm batsh*t crazy to talk about a Title field in a face-to-face conversation.

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

[MariannNOVA]

Well, I prefer the term batsh*t crazy myself. :D

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:A few years ago here, some of us decided we really liked 'crazy like margot kidder hiding in the bushes crazy.' :lol::lol::lol:

[Slartibartfast]

Another reason to dislike the Title field, then.

 

I've decided the only thing I'm going to be passionate about on this forum is the misuse of the Title field. None of the rest of this really matters if we can't get that right.

 

And I'd never say anything about the Title field in real life, mostly because people would think I'm batsh*t crazy to talk about a Title field in a face-to-face conversation.

 

I will support you in this endeavor.

 

Batsh*t is the best kind of crazy, forget the tea let's all go out for booze!

[Slartibartfast]

:lol::lol::lol:A few years ago here, some of us decided we really liked 'crazy like margot kidder hiding in the bushes crazy.' :lol::lol::lol:

 

It does have a nice ring.

[leeannpal]

that you wouldn't say to someone in "real life?" This obviously comes from the tattoo thread.

 

I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say to someone irl. This is real life. These forum is made up of real people.

 

Honestly I didn't get my feelings hurt in the other thread. I don't care what people think of my tattoos. But that thread isn't the first time I've seen this kind of thing. It happens often.

 

It just left me wondering.

 

:iagree:

[mytwomonkeys]

guilty.:001_smile: i do say things here i would never say IRL. i am still always kind about my opinion of course, but i have nerves of steel here that i lack in the real world. i am not easily offended or easily upset, so i don't get worked up over other's thoughts, choices, or opinions. but i do feel less inhibited on forums & can speak my true thoughts with much more ease to a bunch of strangers typing than i can in a conversation at lunch with acquaintances.

 

oh, and FWIW. i like tattoos and said so!:)

Edited June 4, 2012 by mytwomonkeys

[Alte Veste Academy]

This board, imo, has discussed things that I find totally inappropriate for any conversation, from the stupid to the just plain gross. People bash unschoolers, public schoolers, religions, and political parties. People make up silly words for sex and then spend years giggling about it. The talk is both high brow and low brow, and someone will always find something to be upset about.

 

This is my take on the whole "in real life" thing. I mean, really?! Really, in real life people are having giggly conversations about tEa and bOOks and Hey, Girl and kilts and shopping carts and crock pots and tattoos and crazy neighbor troubles and (fill in the blank) with an ever-changing group of people in which anyone, friend or total stranger alike, can pop in and give an opinion...then disappear forever or stay and give support and :grouphug: and :iagree:, or :glare: or :001_huh: and argue and patronize and belabor their points until the cops come and shut down your conversation?

 

In real life, there are dozens of people hanging around you :tongue_smilie: and :lol: and :D all the time? In real life, you are having a conversation and then dozens or even hundreds of people can pop in and out of the conversation, including some that you know darn well you would never hang out with in a million years because in real life you have so very little in common that a friendship could never even be sustained without crickets dominating the conversation? All of us have people here that we relate to really well and others that we do not. It cannot be surprising when someone here says something we find offensive. If you want to remain unoffended, hang out only with like-minded people.

 

As a last point, the thing that truly dumbfounds me is the idea that someone with a tattoo has been hurt or shocked by the fact that some people find tattoos trashy. Yes, it's an ugly word. However, I can't imagine that most people don't know that opinion is out there. :confused: It's far from uncommon. It's like saying that we're offended and hurt that some people think homeschoolers are unsocialized.

 

(Oh my goodness, are you saying that's it's a common perception that homeschoolers are unsocialized? Oh, I am so very hurt by that. You know, not all homeschoolers are unsocialized.)

[leeannpal]

:confused: I don't understand this. I don't think there is anything that an anonymous forum poster could write that would affect me so much. Maybe I'm more thick-skinned than most, though.

 

I don't think it has anything to do with being thick-skinned. Words can hurt., no matter who says them.

[mytwomonkeys]

This is my take on the whole "in real life" thing. I mean, really?! Really, in real life people are having giggly conversations about tEa and bOOks and Hey, Girl and kilts and shopping carts and crock pots and tattoos and crazy neighbor troubles and (fill in the blank) with an ever-changing group of people in which anyone, friend or total stranger alike, can pop in and give an opinion...then disappear forever or stay and give support and :grouphug: and :iagree:, or :glare: or :001_huh: and argue and patronize and belabor their points until the cops come and shut down your conversation?

 

In real life, there are dozens of people hanging around you :tongue_smilie: and :lol: and :D all the time? In real life, you are having a conversation and then dozens or even hundreds of people can pop in and out of the conversation, including some that you know darn well you would never hang out with in a million years because in real life you have so very little in common that a friendship could never even be sustained without crickets dominating the conversation? All of us have people here that we relate to really well and others that we do not. It cannot be surprising when someone here says something we find offensive. If you want to remain unoffended, hang out only with like-minded people.

 

As a last point, the thing that truly dumbfounds me is the idea that someone with a tattoo has been hurt or shocked by the fact that some people find tattoos trashy. Yes, it's an ugly word. However, I can't imagine that most people don't know that opinion is out there. :confused: It's far from uncommon. It's like saying that we're offended and hurt that some people think homeschoolers are unsocialized.

 

(Oh my goodness, are you saying that's it's a common perception that homeschoolers are unsocialized? Oh, I am so very hurt by that. You know, not all homeschoolers are unsocialized.)

 

lol. good stuff. good points. all true.

[I.Dup.]

I haven't read this entire thread but, once again, FWIW, the poll thread was the SECOND tattoo thread started. The first one was "why the negativity about tattoos."

 

The "trashy, low-class" option was added to the poll because one of the first answers on the "negativity" thread was "I think they are trashy" and MANY people agreed with that, low-class was added in later.

 

Just don't want people to think I added "trashy, low-class" to the poll simply to bait people. I added it because I wanted to see if there were really that many people who felt that strongly about tattoos, since that was the language used.

[I.Dup.]

....and the original (recent) tattoo thread was when I asked for opinions on the half-sleeve I am planning on getting. So yes, it did start out personal.

[leeannpal]

:iagree: It also shows a pretty deep level of immaturity.

 

Whether online or IRL tact goes a long way. I don't try to purposely offend others.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

:confused:

 

I have seen many, many very civil and educational discussions on religion here. I don't recall any in the last year where the post devolved into an "absolute vitriolic attack towards Christians".

 

 

Neither have I, but the sentiment keeps being trotted out, that xians are so maligned here by the evil atheists.

 

As an atheist it makes me just shake my head. Try being atheist in the bible belt, a place that brings out the hate in LARGE NUMBERS! Many many xians want us dead....."I think they should be put on a cross and nails put in their hands and feet. We should stab them with swords and let them die with a crown of thorns so they can appreciate what our lord did for them that they don't even care about!" :001_huh: (Facebook post)

 

FTR, I'm still trying to wrap my brain around "choosing to be offended". I have never understood that as a choice. While I can work to try to ignore that feeling, it is there. I may try not to put more energy into that emotion, but I don't chooose the emotion, per se.

[I.Dup.]

As a last point, the thing that truly dumbfounds me is the idea that someone with a tattoo has been hurt or shocked by the fact that some people find tattoos trashy. Yes, it's an ugly word. However, I can't imagine that most people don't know that opinion is out there. :confused: It's far from uncommon.

 

 

Maybe it's because of my age and the fact that I don't have many close friends IRL who are 40+ but I honestly was shocked that so.many.people used such strong language to express their distaste over tattoos. I'm guessing it is mainly a) super conservatives, or b) older people who feel so strongly about tattoos?

 

I didn't know that attitude was still so prevalent. Learn something new everyday, I guess.

[susankenny]

As an atheist it makes me just shake my head. Try being atheist in the bible belt, a place that brings out the hate in LARGE NUMBERS! Many many xians want us dead....."I think they should be put on a cross and nails put in their hands and feet. We should stab them with swords and let them die with a crown of thorns so they can appreciate what our lord did for them that they don't even care about!" :001_huh: (Facebook post)

 

:confused: That is warped & clearly a minority's perspective and has no biblical basis in any shape or form. Why are you friends with someone on FB that would post that?

 

 

Susan

[I.Dup.]

 

As an atheist it makes me just shake my head. Try being atheist in the bible belt, a place that brings out the hate in LARGE NUMBERS! Many many xians want us dead....."I think they should be put on a cross and nails put in their hands and feet. We should stab them with swords and let them die with a crown of thorns so they can appreciate what our lord did for them that they don't even care about!" :001_huh: (Facebook post)

 

WHAT?? No, did someone really say that? :001_huh: That is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read. I am Catholic and we are pretty well-known for appreciating Our Lord's sacrifice but that attitude is disgusting.

[catz]

As a last point, the thing that truly dumbfounds me is the idea that someone with a tattoo has been hurt or shocked by the fact that some people find tattoos trashy. Yes, it's an ugly word. However, I can't imagine that most people don't know that opinion is out there. :confused: It's far from uncommon. It's like saying that we're offended and hurt that some people think homeschoolers are unsocialized.

 

(Oh my goodness, are you saying that's it's a common perception that homeschoolers are unsocialized? Oh, I am so very hurt by that. You know, not all homeschoolers are unsocialized.)

 

:iagree: And for the record, I do have 1 hidden tattoo. Even though it is kind of silly and something I did in my 20's, it is a fond memory I have with my brother (we both got one around the same time). I am not wild about huge tattoos or always visible tattoos and it's not for me for sure. But to each their own. It doesn't bother me a bit that people have this opinion and it was supposed to be an honest opinion thread. When you wear something externally, someone will judge you because of it. That's the way of the world. Just like someone might jump to a conclusion because you're homeschooling (like I have 10 kids and am super religious - I have 2, and I'm secular). Perhaps not the best choice of words, but oh well. If someone on the internet thinks I'm trashy, oh well, I guess I can live with that! :D This board becomes much less interesting if we can't have honest discussions. Maybe some of the people who used that wording are rethinking their opinion because of the discussion. Normal, respectable people can have tattoos!

[ThatCyndiGirl]

You know, this whole "don't get so offended when I tell you the truth" goes both ways.

 

For many of you who responded that you think tattoos are trashy, how would you feel if someone said,"I think that all xians are ignorant"?

 

Would it seem like "just telling the truth"? Would it seem like a slur or hateful?

 

FTR, I don't want any tattoos on me. I think I would love it today and then change my mind and feel like I'm stuck with it. That is my only reasoning. I'm not ANTI-TATTOO. I don't care what other people put on their bodies.

 

I don't classify them as low-class. Classism is not something I want to promote. I don't think you can effectively hide behind classism, racism, homophobia, etc. and call it ''just my honest opinion''. :001_huh:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

WHAT?? No, did someone really say that? :001_huh: That is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read. I am Catholic and we are pretty well-known for appreciating Our Lord's sacrifice but that attitude is disgusting.

 

 

Yes, it was really said. (And, no, I didn't read it and think that it represented all of xianity.)

[Trish]

i guess I see both sides. There's no room for insulting people online OR IRL. But I do expect more honest answers online. For example, I would never criticize someone with, I dunno, rainbow colored hair in real life. But if someone online asked what people thought of rainbow colored hair, I'd say something like "it's a teenage phase" or something I didn't think looked right on people more mature than that.

 

I mean, we do have our forum term for NOT wanting critical opinions, that is, JAWM. (Just Agree With Me) If someone offers a critical opinion in one of those threads that would be inappropriate.

 

But I do find it useful to know people will say what they REALLy think online (not always, but often), and it's feedback that isn't necessarily available IRL. If I see opinions that really rub me the wrong way I can always leave that thread, unlike IRL where you're sometimes stuck with that person's opinion in a family or social setting.

[Soror]

You know, this whole "don't get so offended when I tell you the truth" goes both ways.

 

For many of you who responded that you think tattoos are trashy, how would you feel if someone said,"I think that all xians are ignorant"?

 

Would it seem like "just telling the truth"? Would it seem like a slur or hateful?

 

 

If I asked for an honest opinion, no it wouldn't surprise me. It seems I've been given that impression by many non-believers IRL and online.

[susankenny]

Why do anti-Christians and anti-tattoos have to go hand in hand against one another?? lol

 

Susan

Edited June 4, 2012 by susankenny

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Why do anti-Christians and anti-tattoos have to go hand in hand against one another?? Surely they're not inseparable, lol

 

Susan

 

 

It's a Steel Cage Death Match. If the anti-tat ppl lose they get tattooed against their will. If the anti-xian ppl lose they are forcibly converted. (No one ever expects the Inquisition....)

 

 

:lol:

[GailV]

It's a Steel Cage Death Match. If the anti-tat ppl lose they get tattooed against their will. If the anti-xian ppl lose they are forcibly converted. (No one ever expects the Inquisition....)

 

 

:lol:

 

:lol: Where's the Like button when you need it ....

[GailV]

For many of you who responded that you think tattoos are trashy, how would you feel if someone said,"I think that all xians are ignorant"?

 

Would it seem like "just telling the truth"? Would it seem like a slur or hateful?

 

 

Well, so far when I've heard it (which is pretty often, both online and in real life) I've thought the person was giving their honest opinion.

 

Lots of things I believe are trashed on a regular basis. I figure that's what the person believes at the moment Often I've no clue how they arrived at the opinion, and whether they held a different opinion in the past. And who knows what they'll believe in the future.

 

Oh, it occurs to me to explain that I wasn't one who said tattoos were trashy. I thought that was a really bizarre, loaded question on the poll, so I put "other". I'm just defending those who used the word "trashy", since I can think of plenty of contexts where the word isn't so loaded, and perhaps that's where they were coming from.

[I.Dup.]

I thought that was a really bizarre, loaded question on the poll,

 

See below:

 

I haven't read this entire thread but, once again, FWIW, the poll thread was the SECOND tattoo thread started. The first one was "why the negativity about tattoos."

 

The "trashy, low-class" option was added to the poll because one of the first answers on the "negativity" thread was "I think they are trashy" and MANY people agreed with that, low-class was added in later.

 

Just don't want people to think I added "trashy, low-class" to the poll simply to bait people. I added it because I wanted to see if there were really that many people who felt that strongly about tattoos, since that was the language used.

 

I obviously should have referenced the original thread when I made the poll. This is frustrating. :tongue_smilie:

[GailV]

I haven't read this entire thread but, once again, FWIW, the poll thread was the SECOND tattoo thread started. The first one was "why the negativity about tattoos."

 

The "trashy, low-class" option was added to the poll because one of the first answers on the "negativity" thread was "I think they are trashy" and MANY people agreed with that, low-class was added in later.

 

Just don't want people to think I added "trashy, low-class" to the poll simply to bait people. I added it because I wanted to see if there were really that many people who felt that strongly about tattoos, since that was the language used.

 

Oh, I read them out of order because that's the order in which I saw them. I tend to not look at time stamps, although I sometimes look at date stamps. Well, just "oops" on my part.

 

(Edited to add: And now I'm reading this thread out of order. And going back to amend what I wrote a couple of minutes ago. It's like we've entered the Twilight Zone.)

 

Yet another way that online conversations diverge from face-to-face conversations -- things are taken out of order, misunderstandings occur because of it. But, hey, excitement! Drama! Possible bannings, and, if we're really lucky, digression into kilt pictures (that there kilt thread started with someone being horribly offended and leaving forever, as I recall).

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Oh, I read them out of order because that's the order in which I saw them. I tend to not look at time stamps, although I sometimes look at date stamps. Well, just "oops" on my part.

 

Yet another way that online conversations diverge from face-to-face conversations -- things are taken out of order, misunderstandings occur because of it. But, hey, excitement! Drama! Possible bannings, and, if we're really lucky, digression into kilt pictures (that there kilt thread started with someone being horribly offended and leaving forever, as I recall).

 

 

So true, huh? I mean, IRL we never "hear'' someone's discussion from months or years ago as if it were current date and then start some sh!t over it. :tongue_smilie:

[I.Dup.]

Oh, I read them out of order because that's the order in which I saw them. I tend to not look at time stamps, although I sometimes look at date stamps. Well, just "oops" on my part.

 

(Edited to add: And now I'm reading this thread out of order. And going back to amend what I wrote a couple of minutes ago. It's like we've entered the Twilight Zone.)

 

Yet another way that online conversations diverge from face-to-face conversations -- things are taken out of order, misunderstandings occur because of it. But, hey, excitement! Drama! Possible bannings, and, if we're really lucky, digression into kilt pictures (that there kilt thread started with someone being horribly offended and leaving forever, as I recall).

 

:lol: Totally understand. It was my fault for using the inflammatory language and not referencing where it came from.

 

So true, huh? I mean, IRL we never "hear'' someone's discussion from months or years ago as if it were current date and then start some sh!t over it. :tongue_smilie:

 

ahhh, my husband would disagree. We are women after all, we never forget. :D :tongue_smilie:

[nmoira]

If I asked for an honest opinion, no it wouldn't surprise me. It seems I've been given that impression by many non-believers IRL and online.

Well, it doesn't go over well here -- or anywhere outside of very limited audiences -- no matter how couched in "I" language it is. ;) I'm sure there are many here who are certain I'm condemned to warmer parts upon death (not necessarily me personally, but as a member of a general class of this or that), but it's not something that is generally said.

 

Just because we think something doesn't mean we're obligated to share it; or, if asked to share doesn't mean we shouldn't consider our audience. There are few situations in which making an effort to be tactful is ill advised, and most of these are probably life threatening. :tongue_smilie: [i say this as a person who is less than gifted in the tact department... but I can aspire :001_smile: ]

[Bluegoat]

I think the difference is that, as a pp said, people will often ask questions OL which they are hoping to find an answer to they wouldn't get in real life. So if I am thinking of getting a big tattoo, and say it is pretty common in my circle of friends, but I want to have a real idea what it might communicate to people more generally.

 

You can ask real friends these questions, but you won't get the breadth of opinion, and often people may be more likely to sugar-coat their thoughts.

 

As for giving an answer, if you really know someone you can tailor you answer to the individual. Is this person really wanting honesty? can he handle it? Do I have to word things very carefully? - online that is difficult so people tend to be pretty straight forward.

 

I'm not sure though how one would communicate the idea that they think tattoos look trashy or lack class without using somewhat harsh language. Saying "I just don't like it" doesn't seem to answer the question to me. Silence is of course an answer, but then if everyone did that there wouldn't be much point asking such questions on internet forums.

[Mrs Mungo]

As a last point, the thing that truly dumbfounds me is the idea that someone with a tattoo has been hurt or shocked by the fact that some people find tattoos trashy. Yes, it's an ugly word. However, I can't imagine that most people don't know that opinion is out there. :confused: It's far from uncommon. It's like saying that we're offended and hurt that some people think homeschoolers are unsocialized.

 

No, it's not like that because nobody *here* is saying that. These threads started when someone asked which tattoo people preferred because she was thinking about her next tattoo. Therefore, people are aware that there are people here with tattoos. If someone *here* kept going on and on about how unsocialized homeschoolers were, then they'd probably face a flame-fest too.

[Alte Veste Academy]

No, it's not like that because nobody *here* is saying that. These threads started when someone asked which tattoo people preferred because she was thinking about her next tattoo. Therefore, people are aware that there are people here with tattoos. If someone *here* kept going on and on about how unsocialized homeschoolers were, then they'd probably face a flame-fest too.

 

Of course, saying homeschoolers are unsocialized on these boards would be downright hysterically funny. I was simply saying that people having the opinion that tattoos are trashy is similar to the perception of homeschoolers being unsocialized elsewhere. That people share a relatively common perception does not make that perception true in all cases or even in the majority of cases. I'm simply surprised that more people didn't seem to be aware of what is a common perception of tattoos.

 

Of course, as has been pointed out, negative opinions about tattoos seems to be less common in specific age brackets. To me, that makes honest discourse and, yes, even blunt language, more valuable. When we are surrounded with like-minded people and/or people who nod and smile, we can go through life without ever knowing the breadth and depth of opinion on myriad topics in life.

 

Mrs. Mungo, you made a good case for using your best manners to express negative opinions. I just personally don't know a polite way to say that something is trashy or low class. Yes, those terms are offensive, but if those are the first things that pop into the heads of some people when they see tattoos, I think that is valuable information for a person comtemplating getting a tattoo to hear. They can roll their eyes and think the person who uses those words is rude and shallow. That's valid. They can think, "Hmmm, I always have so much respect for _____'s opinions" and give pause to think on the subject. They can think, "Oh my word! It never occurred to me that someone would think I'm trashy or low class. That's certainly not something I want people to think of me. No tattoo for me, or maybe only hidden ones." They are free to do with the information whatever they wish to do.

 

I personally like all the information I can get, good and bad. I don't much care for people prettying up their opinions when doing so would give me a false impression of their real beliefs. Let the words be spoken and respect fall where it may.

[GailV]

No, it's not like that because nobody *here* is saying that. These threads started when someone asked which tattoo people preferred because she was thinking about her next tattoo. Therefore, people are aware that there are people here with tattoos. If someone *here* kept going on and on about how unsocialized homeschoolers were, then they'd probably face a flame-fest too.

 

I wander in and out of here so irregularly that I didn't see the original thread. I probably would've ignored it if I had, for that matter.

 

It's possible that others are in the same boat. It doesn't follow that just because there have been prior threads about tattoos everyone posting here is aware there are people here with tattoos. It isn't an incredibly popular topic.

[Runningmom80]

I think people forget that there are real people reading these threads.

 

 

I actually lost a lot of respect for a lot of posters because of those threads. I really have a problem with stereotypes and judgmental attitudes.

 

It's sad, but not the end of the world. :001_smile:

[Jpoy85]

sometimes theres a certain topic that gets me fired up and i would say something online i wouldnt say IRL, but mostly im the same here and IRL.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I think people forget that there are real people reading these threads.

 

I actually lost a lot of respect for a lot of posters because of those threads. I really have a problem with stereotypes and judgmental attitudes.

 

It's sad, but not the end of the world. :001_smile:

 

I have often wondered how many times a day someone is just blown away by an opinion posted by someone they thought they were like-minded with. It's a risk of these boards. We think we know posters but we can't possibly know every nuance of opinion they have. And, honestly, how many people do we know in real life with whom we agree on every topic? Geez, I don't agree with DH on too many topics to count.

 

I had it happen to me once, this loss of respect for someone after a post. Someone I was always in agreement with, someone whose advice I had always viewed as eminently thoughtful and gentle, posted something about soldiers that was just so horrifically offensive to me. I never looked at her posts the same way again. I almost felt betrayed. But the truth is that it wasn't her fault that I got a kicked-in-the-gut feeling from her opinion. It was my fault for assuming that because I knew some things about her, that I knew everything about her. None of us know everything about anyone else. That's just how life is.

[Mrs Mungo]

Of course, saying homeschoolers are unsocialized on these boards would be downright hysterically funny. I was simply saying that people having the opinion that tattoos are trashy is similar to the perception of homeschoolers being unsocialized elsewhere. That people share a relatively common perception does not make that perception true in all cases or even in the majority of cases. I'm simply surprised that more people didn't seem to be aware of what is a common perception of tattoos.

 

I always hate feeling like I'm beating a horse that is beyond dead. But, I also hate feeling like I'm not communicating well. It's not a matter of people being aware that there is such an opinion out there in the world. It's a matter of saying it to the face (because these are real life people) of people with tattoos, which you are when you say that *here*.

 

Mrs. Mungo, you made a good case for using your best manners to express negative opinions. I just personally don't know a polite way to say that something is trashy or low class.

 

There were a number of ways of expressing strong dislike or dismay that were listed in the other thread.

 

Yes, those terms are offensive, but if those are the first things that pop into the heads of some people when they see tattoos, I think that is valuable information for a person comtemplating getting a tattoo to hear. They can roll their eyes and think the person who uses those words is rude and shallow. That's valid. They can think, "Hmmm, I always have so much respect for _____'s opinions" and give pause to think on the subject. They can think, "Oh my word! It never occurred to me that someone would think I'm trashy or low class. That's certainly not something I want people to think of me. No tattoo for me, or maybe only hidden ones." They are free to do with the information whatever they wish to do.

 

What *I* thought about a lot of the people involved was: gee, these people sure do get up in arms about being sensitive when it's something they care about. I guess they don't ACTUALLY care about being sensitive to people's feelings. Only some people count to them.

 

It's possible that others are in the same boat. It doesn't follow that just because there have been prior threads about tattoos everyone posting here is aware there are people here with tattoos. It isn't an incredibly popular topic.

 

Ah, see, that's where we usually have problems. This is a BIG and diverse board. You SHOULD assume there is someone here with tattoos, people without tattoos, people whose kids are in public school, people who are gay, people who are straight, people who are unmarried, people who are divorced, people who are republicans, people who are democrats, people who are Christians, people who are atheists, people who are from the US, people who live all over the world, people who are white, people who are black, people who are Asian, people who missionaries, people who are military, people who are on the police force, people who are female firefighters, people who wear shoes in the house, people who don't wear shoes in the house, people who think meat is murder, people who are cattle ranchers, and so forth and so on. THEREFORE, it is in everyone's best interest to phrase opinions in ways that are not rude, offensive, judgmental and condemning unless it is an issue that actually harms other people.

[Mommyfaithe]

Well, yeah, there's that. LOL! I often find myself biting my tongue (or fingers, I guess) here so that I can stick around. :D

 

:D

[Mrs Mungo]

Just because we think something doesn't mean we're obligated to share it; or, if asked to share doesn't mean we shouldn't consider our audience. There are few situations in which making an effort to be tactful is ill advised, and most of these are probably life threatening. :tongue_smilie: [i say this as a person who is less than gifted in the tact department... but I can aspire :001_smile: ]

 

:iagree:

[Ibbygirl]

Another reason to dislike the Title field, then.

 

I've decided the only thing I'm going to be passionate about on this forum is the misuse of the Title field. None of the rest of this really matters if we can't get that right.

 

And I'd never say anything about the Title field in real life, mostly because people would think I'm batsh*t crazy to talk about a Title field in a face-to-face conversation.

 

:lol::lol::lol: This just struck me SO FUNNY! hehehehe

Edited June 4, 2012 by Ibbygirl

[Ibbygirl]

:lol::lol::lol:A few years ago here, some of us decided we really liked 'crazy like margot kidder hiding in the bushes crazy.' :lol::lol::lol:

 

Ay poor Margot. What happened with that does anyone know? And hadn't she lost her front teeth too? That was all so strange. :confused:

[KungFuPanda]

I guess I just don't know how to be someone different here than I am in real life.:

 

Never, ever apply for a job that requires a security clearance :D

 

 

I think people forget that there are real people reading these threads.

 

:

 

I forget all the time. I keep imagining you all as robots until someone takes it upon themselves to remind us that there are real people behind these posts. Thanks!

[tex-mex]

I really don't say things here that I wouldn't say IRL. But I am kind of opinionated and out-spoken that way. :D

 

:iagree:

 

My IRL personality tends to be blunt and direct. I find it easy to get along with people who are the same. I do not understand politeness if you are going behind my back and saying horrible things and creating discord. Just say it to my face. I could care less if you like me or not. Now that is off your chest, let's get back to work. (And yes, my bluntness has had me banned. LOL ;))

Edited June 5, 2012 by tex-mex

[Runningmom80]

Never, ever apply for a job that requires a security clearance :D

 

 

 

 

I forget all the time. I keep imagining you all as robots until someone takes it upon themselves to remind us that there are real people behind these posts. Thanks!

 

 

 

 

Wow.

[*Michelle*]

I don't think it has anything to do with being thick-skinned. Words can hurt., no matter who says them.

 

But that was my point about being thick-skinned. I really don't care what people say to me if I don't know them and they don't know me. I've had people make comments to me online that would result in an immediate and permanent cut-off if someone I actually knew said them to me. But coming from an anonymous internet stranger? They got nothing more than a shrug and an ignore.