Mothers Day Blowoff, what is the appropriate response?

[homeschoolally]

When teenagers blow off Mothers Day, how do you handle it?

 

I'm especially hurt this year, but pouting doesn't seem to be the answer.

 

I'm also really angry, and having a hard time putting that aside to resume 'normal' mom routine this morning.

 

Thanks for your thoughts. :001_smile:

[kewb]

How exactly was it blown off and how old is the teenager in question?

 

If it was me, I would have a frank discussion with my teen about how his/her actions hurt my feelings and the difficulty I was having moving past it. They are certainly old enough to be part of the solution to this.

[GoVanGogh]

I don't know.

 

DH, thus DC, blew off Mother's Day. Yet again. (Not even a greeting of it until nearly 2 hours into the morning.)

 

I'm so angry and hurt. I can't say much more w/o going into DH bashing, but being told to "get over it" surely didn't help my mood any. :glare:

 

:grouphug: to you.

[LG Gone Wild]

No clue but :grouphug:

[BigMamaBird]

No advice, just some encouragement. It was a dingbat of a teenager and probably blew my Mom off on Mother's Day more than a year or three. But now that I'm grown, I really treasure my relationship with her. As hard as it is to believe, teens will grow out of the self-centered mindset and genuinely appreciate you someday. :grouphug:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

:grouphug:

 

Awww!!! DS would've told you "Happy Mother's Day" at least 10x yesterday. He was telling EVERYONE, including DH, DD, and my brother.

[tntgoodwin]

Have a heart-to-heart and simply ask why they blew it off. Most likely they just forgot, or didn't realize how important it was to you. Ask how they would feel if you were to ignore their birthday or something. Use this as a teaching moment on how we should be considerate of other people.

[Lara in Colo]

I don't know, if you are hurt, then they should know about it.

 

Are you being overly sensitive?

 

I like the idea of mother's day, to take the time to tell your mother you appreciate her. Honestly? I'd rather have them be appreciative of me all the time.

 

My mother always was super sensitive about mother's day (her mother died young) so for the first 15 years of my life, she hated mothers day and refused to go to church and was sullen most of the day (being BPD--everything is about her). Then suddenly it all changed and I was supposed to make a huge bru-hah. The fact that I mowed her lawn the day before, or that I stayed with her for a week and "just visited" every night and we had dinners together all week meant nothing. I was a terrible child for not getting a card and taking her out to brunch and fawning over her for the world to see. (I'm not saying this is the case with you)

 

REmember this is a day of rememberence that has gotten out of control.

Are your children gracious to you the rest of the time? If so you are a lucky woman. IF not, you and DH have some work to do that has nothing to do with the month of May (this is my case, we really need to make them see me as a person and all the sacrifices I make DAILY. )

 

People forget certain days, they do however treat people they respect and appreciate daily, with respect and appreciation daily.

 

Lara

[Haiku]

I'd tell my teen(s) that the choice they made to ignore mothers day hurt my feelings and that it was preventing me from getting back into normal mom mode. I'd ask them what their suggestions are for correcting the problem.

 

Whether Mother's Day is a Hallmark holiday or not, the cultural expectation is that it be celebrated, and I would be very hurt if my family ignored it.

 

Tara

[Georgiana Daniels]

:grouphug:

 

I think they are old enough to have the discussion. Or, you might wait until Father's Day and use that holiday to show them how to respond on these occasions. (OK, let's make sure to get Dad a card, breakfast in bed, etc to show our appreciation.)

[Riverland]

We don't take non-Christian holidays that seriously. We view them as businesses trying to get us to spend money on things we don't need or want. For birthdays & Christmas, the kids get presents. But mom & dad are perfectly happy with a simple "happy birthday" or "Merry Christmas." Same for mother's and father's day. That's just us, but I know many families take them much more seriously.

 

I agree with the poster who said it was more important for the kids to be appreciative year-round.

[Annie G]

We don't take non-Christian holidays that seriously. We view them as businesses trying to get us to spend money on things we don't need or want. For birthdays & Christmas, the kids get presents. But mom & dad are perfectly happy with a simple "happy birthday" or "Merry Christmas." Same for mother's and father's day. That's just us, but I know many families take them much more seriously.

 

I agree with the poster who said it was more important for the kids to be appreciative year-round.

 

That's pretty much how it is for us. It's nice for the kids to wish me a Happy Mother's Day - and three of my four did that by text yesterday. I worked yesterday so that was fine with me.

I don't mind others celebrating, and I send my mom a card, but it's not a big deal around here. So when my son forgot, it didn't bother me. He had no idea it was Mother's Day until he went on Facebook and saw everyone talking about what a great mom they have.g

[catz]

I agree with the poster who said it was more important for the kids to be appreciative year-round.

 

I think that's well and good and important. But I also think it's perfectly acceptable to say to a teenager "I just want you to know, I was hurt you didn't acknowledge Mother's Day yesterday". I wouldn't hold a grudge or try to get "revenge", but I think it's good for kids this age to know that other people have feelings too. Just because it doesn't bother other people, doesn't mean it's not ok that it DOES bother the OP.

 

And I don't think it's about buying stuff. My kids cleaned up their rooms yesterday with their dads direction and that might have been the best gift I got. :D A simple heartfelt "Happy Mother's Day! You rock, mom" can go a very long way.

[yslek]

:grouphug:

 

I think they are old enough to have the discussion. Or, you might wait until Father's Day and use that holiday to show them how to respond on these occasions. (OK, let's make sure to get Dad a card, breakfast in bed, etc to show our appreciation.)

 

:iagree: about the discussion. As a once-oblivious teen, I don't think the Father's Day suggestion would make the desired connection. Not unless you make it for them. ("This is the kind of treatment I would really like to receive on Mother's Day.")

[BMW]

It has got better over time... my first couple of teens are now early twenties and they take time to let me know how much they appreciate and admire me... Particularly because they have started out in life and have seen first hand how hard it is to make your way away from home and mom's help is suddenly so much more golden... So, I got lots of loves from my older kids...

 

I'm not so much a "card" person or even a "flower" person... I am a "just do SOMETHING that says I love you and thank you for what YOU do" kinda person...

[Catwoman]

But I also think it's perfectly acceptable to say to a teenager "I just want you to know, I was hurt you didn't acknowledge Mother's Day yesterday". I wouldn't hold a grudge or try to get "revenge", but I think it's good for kids this age to know that other people have feelings too. Just because it doesn't bother other people, doesn't mean it's not ok that it DOES bother the OP.

 

:iagree:

 

I would have been very hurt, too, but I'm pretty direct so I would have said something about it right away... like as soon as I got up in the morning if my dh and ds didn't say "Happy Mother's Day." (But fortunately, they made a big deal about it all day.)

 

I have to ask homeschoolally if this is a new thing -- have your kids fussed over you in the past on Mother's Day? My dh has always made sure ds knew it was important to make a big deal out of Mother's Day, and I'm wondering if your dc have had the same experience.

 

I definitely think a conversation is in order. When your feelings are hurt, it's important to talk it out -- particularly when it involves an occasion that happens every year, because I would hate to see similar hurt feelings next Mother's Day... or on your birthday... or Christmas.

 

Teens can be pretty insensitive sometimes, but it's not always intentional. I'm hoping that once you talk to your dc about it, they'll be sorry for the way they acted and you'll all feel better.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug:

 

This how I would handle it, but every family is different, so ymmv. I would probably not say anything. If dh was open to it, I might have him say something short and simple, like, "Hey, I noticed you didn't say Happy Mother's Day to Mom. Want to make her breakfast (or a card or whatever your family usually does) next weekend?"

 

I wouldn't make a huge deal of it. There's a fine line, especially with sensitive teens, between being open and making them feel guilty and resentful. I wouldn't talk about it right now, myself. I'd approach it as a teaching opportunity. Next year, a couple weeks before Mother's Day, I'd say something. Again, short, simple. Let them know it doesn't have to be a big deal, just a handmade card or a "Thanks for being my mom." I'd approach it as a "Gee, it would be nice if..." teaching issue.

 

I remember those transition years as a teen, when Dad stopped reminding us about Mother's Day and Mom's birthday. It just took a while to remember to step up to the plate, but I did. I think my mom handled it really well, too. We never felt obligated to remember her, so it is always a pleasure.

 

I also like the idea of talking to them about it at Father's Day, just a simple reminder that it's a great way to celebrate that they have a dad who does so much for them.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. Whether others believe that the day should be celebrated or not, if it is a part of your family traditions, then of course it is hurtful to be forgotten.

 

Cat

[HSMom2One]

It has got better over time... my first couple of teens are now early twenties and they take time to let me know how much they appreciate and admire me... Particularly because they have started out in life and have seen first hand how hard it is to make your way away from home and mom's help is suddenly so much more golden... So, I got lots of loves from my older kids...

 

I'm not so much a "card" person or even a "flower" person... I am a "just do SOMETHING that says I love you and thank you for what YOU do" kinda person...

 

I hear you, Bee. I could've written this post myself! It isn't about getting gifts and having a lot of hoopla made over you....it's the expressions of love, appreciation and honor that mothers do need occasionally. I just got done having a talk of my own with someone in my life about this very thing and am trying to gain some momentum to get past hurt feelings, just like you. It does hurt when loved ones slight you on special days.

 

:grouphug:

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Catwoman]

I agree with the poster who said it was more important for the kids to be appreciative year-round.

 

While that's true, Mother's Day is important to the OP. Since you don't make a big deal out of Mother's Day, try putting their behavior into a different context -- would you feel sad if your kids didn't bother to wish you a Happy Birthday or tell you Merry Christmas? This is sort of the same thing for her.

[EmilyK]

I'm in the same boat this year. For some reason, I really like some acknowledgement and special treatment at my birthday and mother's day. I guess I like some recognition of my anniversary too.

 

I think families are so different. My mother in law's wise advice (she gets the same feelings I do) is to plan what you'd like for yourself. In other words, instead of being bummed my family didn't plan anything for me, I should say -- you know what I'd like? I'd like to be taken out to brunch and then go for a hike/movie/whatever. One of my kids echoed that to me today. And I get it -- and realistically that may be what the OP needs to do -- but I also get that some people would find the surprise what's good, and not just getting to do the fun thing itself.

 

I also can't decide how much to expect my kids to take care of me. Should my hurt feelings be their problem or not? My older son is too much of a caregiver at times, and I don't want him to feel he's responsible for my happiness. My younger son OTOH needs a bit of training about thinking about other people.

[Riverland]

While that's true, Mother's Day is important to the OP. Since you don't make a big deal out of Mother's Day, try putting their behavior into a different context -- would you feel sad if your kids didn't bother to wish you a Happy Birthday or tell you Merry Christmas? This is sort of the same thing for her.

 

 

I was just expressing how it is in our house, which I stated in the original post. And, yes my dd did forget my birthday. She's in college and called me 5 days after the fact. I honestly didn't care! She calls me all the time to talk & ask for my advice (including on my real birthday - but she didn't realize it) & we have a great relationship. That's what is important TO ME. Again, I know each family is different.

 

The OP asked "When teenagers blow off Mothers Day, how do you handle it?"

 

I think I responded appropriately.

Edited May 14, 2012 by Heather in PNW
more info

[Starr]

Things have been crazy around here lately so I announced to my teens that they needed to make me a card for Mother's Day. And then I planned on take out and a movie so none of us would be working. We had a great time. DD, who generally makes fabulous hand made cards, made me an e-card and Ds makes cards into projects and it didn't dry until today. :D Dh did go get me a book. As the years go on I realize why so many women recommend just making a plan and being happy about it.

[TraciWA]

My family wiffed on Mothers Day this year as well. :grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

I wasn't down playing her needs, I was simply trying to say that if you have thoughful children the rest of the time, then let this slide or examine WHY your feelings are hurt.

[SonshineLearner]

I still have to remind my husband to call his mom, multiple times, before he does. Yesterday, because of the time zone difference... he called her minutes from midnight.

As for me... well... in a couple years or so... I plan on taking myself to a place that gives massages. My step daughters don't even text me Happy Mother's day and they live with us half time. I also found out that at least one of them thinks I'm a sucky parent this last weekend. Bummer day for me, except I enjoyed being with my mom. :)

I really think that having kids is not what it's cracked up to be :( My mom suggested waiting till they're around 25 to give up :)

[Mrs Mungo]

I agree with making your own plan and telling your family your expectations.

[Mandylubug]

I think kids mirror what they are accustomed to. I grew up recognizing grand parents at Mother's Day/Father's Day in addition year round appreciation/respect for our elders. We put others first before our immediate family. While knowingly shopping for my grandmother, etc. with my mom, I would see what she liked or whatever and would suggest it to my father or when I was old enough I would go back and get it. The funny thing is my mom never asked to be recognized on Mother's day. She was happy simply with flowers, or a card, or a home cooked breakfast.

 

Now that I have my own family, we very much mimic how I was raised. The day revolves around my mom and MIL and my family recognizing the grandparents. My kids fixed me coffee and cinnamon rolls, told me Happy Mother's day and gave me a hug. I am content and happy with that. My energy was spent recognizing my mom and MIL.

 

One day, I hope my kids do the same as well. I am shocked when I hear other's stating "He better be planning something good!" or " I better be getting x,y, or z!" or " It's MY day!" It seems so self centered and arrogant but I suppose if that is what you are accustomed to, I can't knock it.

[Jeanne in MN]

I've learned to not expect people to read my mind or expect them to put priority on things I do. Expectations mean let downs. Tell the family what you want, plan it if you have to, and accept that they love you regardless. I know it's totally not what we'd like, but it's easier to make what you want happen than it is to dwell on it and feel sorry for one's self.

 

I also feel there are so many holidays or events to honor people in our lives that it's almost too much. Christmas, birthday, Valentine's Day, anniversary, Mother's Day and whatever else.

[homeschoolally]

Thanks for the kind words.:001_smile:

 

He's actually a really good kid--I don't like being upset with him over, what I agree is, a manufactured by Hallmark holiday. That's what I'm trying to work through I guess.

 

I think the problem is partially on my end. I'm not the kind of mom who expects to be fawned over--but that one day out of the year even a little effort doesn't seem unreasonable--even if you're just doing it to stay out of the doghouse! Offering to carry out the trash for Mothers Day would have been enough. I might not have been thrilled with it, but I wouldn't be writing this post.

 

The problem I'm seeing in myself is that (like most of us) I invest my everything into these kids. I do it joyfully 99% of the time, and can't imagine doing it any differently. But when you feel like you aren't valued, it is hard not to feel resentment creeping up. If what I do for the kids is unappreciated, should I do more for my husband and invest more in that relationship? Is it healthy to be so focused on the kids?

 

I guess things went downhill when I read the Mothers Day thread here yesterday. The "I got breakfast in bed!" comments were as hard to read as I was the "Nobody remembered" posts. I can't imagine being any different kind of mom, but when you start to see yourself falling into one of those camps...it's hard to ignore it, get up and make everyone the usual huge breakfast.

 

So, the day after a crummy Mothers Day, do you just pick back up into supermom mode or make some changes? I think, like many of us, I am hyperinvested in the kids at the expense of other things. I guess my question today is at some point do you just accept difficult things and shift some priorities around.

 

Thanks for listening. I do feel blessed to be home, homeschool, and all that goes with it--I just don't like Mothers Day.

 

:001_smile: Things are fine here otherwise so I'm going to try to focus on that.

Edited May 14, 2012 by homeschoolally

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

maybe try journalling? which is sort of what we're all doing here on WTM.... trying to get closer to what we really think and feel and why. then after i tried that for a while, i'd end up talking to them. last year, when mother's day really didn't happen, i journalled then said to them something like,

 

"part of me knows that mother's day is a hallmark moment, but at the same time i'm finding that i'm pretty disappointed that you guys didn't make a fuss. its really not about the gifts, its more about feeling that i'm loved and appreciated.... and really you all do a good job of telling me that. i guess its more that this is the day the rest of the world is telling their moms, and i feel left out. does that make any sense?"

 

this year was pretty anticlimactic, but two weeks ago, they bought me a rose bush that i've been wanting forever, and planted it..... and then had cards yesterday. so i said i'd like to go to the local ballet and out for gelato and so i took the kids and did that. dh is in europe for work, and he called twice. i also made sure the youngers called their grandmas..... because its the right thing to do, and because ten years from now i want them to remember to call me ; ).

 

for you, what would happen if you shared that you love homeschooling and being a stay at home mom, and that you're finding it hard to remember that right now because they blew off mother's day and you're sad. and even though you don't want to feel that way, you are feeling a little resentful because you felt unappreciated. and how you're sure that's not true, but that is the way you're feeling right now.

 

and then see what happens.

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Bluegoat]

Thanks for the kind words.:001_smile:

 

He's actually a really good kid--I don't like being upset with him over, what I agree is, a manufactured by Hallmark holiday. That's what I'm trying to work through I guess.

 

I think the problem is partially on my end. I'm not the kind of mom who expects to be fawned over--but that one day out of the year even a little effort doesn't seem unreasonable--even if you're just doing it to stay out of the doghouse! Offering to carry out the trash for Mothers Day would have been enough. I might not have been thrilled with it, but I wouldn't be writing this post.

 

The problem I'm seeing in myself is that (like most of us) I invest my everything into these kids. I do it joyfully 99% of the time, and can't imagine doing it any differently. But when you feel like you aren't valued, it is hard not to feel resentment creeping up. If what I do for the kids is unappreciated, should I do more for my husband and invest more in that relationship? Is it healthy to be so focused on the kids?

 

I guess things went downhill when I read the Mothers Day thread here yesterday. The "I got breakfast in bed!" comments were as hard to read as I was the "Nobody remembered" posts. I can't imagine being any different kind of mom, but when you start to see yourself falling into one of those camps...it's hard to ignore it, get up and make everyone the usual huge breakfast.

 

So, the day after a crummy Mothers Day, do you just pick back up into supermom mode or make some changes? I think, like many of us, I am hyperinvested in the kids at the expense of other things. I guess my question today is at some point do you just accept difficult things and shift some priorities around.

 

Thanks for listening. I do feel blessed to be home, homeschool, and all that goes with it--I just don't like Mothers Day.

 

:001_smile: Things are fine here otherwise so I'm going to try to focus on that.

 

 

You know, I think that in the end the only answer to this is to make a point of NOT using one day like mother's day as a kind of litmus for how our kids feel about us. It can be a nice thing to observe, but on the other hand it can put so much pressure on for kids to "prove" that they care on one day. Andwhile I guess if you come out and say "get me this for mother's day" you may get it, it then hardly seems like a real token of your kid's esteem.

 

I also agree with the pp who said that a lot of teens drop the ball on this stuff, not because they don't love their moms or appreciate them (when they stop to think about it), but because they really haven't stopped to think about it much and they are disorganized. They do get better at that stuff as they get older.

 

My family tends to forget about all these kinds of holidays, so for us, it is kind of nice when someone remembers. But I think if it bothered me when people forgot, I would seriously consider not observing the day at all and make a point of looking at the whole relationship instead.

 

I think your thoughts about being hyper-invested might be worthwhile pursuing as well - do you need to start investing in some other area of life as well? I don't know if it would help but it might be worth thinking about.

[Mommyof4ks]

Have a heart-to-heart and simply ask why they blew it off. Most likely they just forgot, or didn't realize how important it was to you. Ask how they would feel if you were to ignore their birthday or something. Use this as a teaching moment on how we should be considerate of other people.

 

:iagree: Sometimes kids, even teens do not make the connection. We tend to plan days like birthdays, Mother's day, Christmas, and so on weeks in advance, so maybe next year talk with them before hand about what you would like.

[homeschoolally]

Also, I've read through all these thoughts and they've been really helpful.

 

I think a big lesson learned here is not to spend Mothers Day at home doing housework. :001_smile: Especially if you have kids who might not clue in that sitting around and watching your mom work all day is a bad idea. We're going out of town tomorrow and our youngest is sick, so it was a pretty out of routine Sunday for us. Thinking back, the holiday offender :001_smile:, hasn't been super thoughtful in the past either, it just didn't seem as obvious because we were out and about.

 

I do think this has been a good wakeup call for me. I think I'm beginning to resent how much I do for this ds because it is often at the expense of his dad and siblings. So maybe it's for the best to get this out there and work through it. I don't want to be one of those moms who is gripey and resentful. He is old enough to handle some things on his own and its time for me to expect it, for both of us.

 

So I guess that is a good follow up topic. I've also let my forum participation fall off last semester trying to micromanage for this DS. That should have been the first warning sign. :D Thanks again!

[myfunnybunch]

I can't imagine being any different kind of mom, but when you start to see yourself falling into one of those camps...it's hard to ignore it, get up and make everyone the usual huge breakfast.

 

What do you think they'd do if there was no huge breakfast, and you said, "Breakfast? It's Mother's Day! You're supposed to do that!" Laughing, with a smile, like you're saying "Silly Goose!" Mine would probably say..."It's Mother's Day? Oh, yeah!" (Then I'd probably offer to help make breakfast with the stipulation that next year, I get to sleep in while someone else makes it. :tongue_smilie: )

 

And another :grouphug:

 

Cat

[MomatHWTK]

Don't evaluate it by the day. Based on your follow up comments, I would suggest that you set aside some time to think about how you spend your time. I am all for taking care of my kids, but not at the expense of a loss of self.

 

True, DH is the one to get short-changed most often because the kids have real needs that must be met like it or not. But, it's not my intention to make that a permanent situation. He's the one I'm planning to grow old with, my children will hopefully be moving on to grow old with someone of their own.

 

I also don't want my children to think they are entitled to endless service- my mom did/does that and I am a spoiled brat. :glare:

 

If what you truly enjoy and fulfills you is taking care of your kids, then do it and enjoy it. BUT, along the way make sure to pass on that giving nature to them. Have an honest talk about who they are and who they want to be, how they want to treat others. Sometimes we take people for granted simply because we've never looked at life from their perspective.

[OrganicAnn]

Oh golly I have such a different reaction. Since these are teens and not young kids, what I would do is wait a couple of days and then when there was a quiet moment in the conversation at dinner I would say

 

"You know I had the most wonderful idea for what to do for your birthday(s) this year." said with genuine enthusiasm.

Then I imagine they would all say "what?, tell me?"

Long pause.

"Nothing! Yes that's it no cake, no party, no presents. Nothing. Cool huh? I got the idea from you. You know how you did nothing for Mother's Day"

 

We'll I'm not sure that would necessarily be what I'd do, but it would feel better than sucking it up.

[Catherine]

I know when I was a kid we made a big deal about Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, all the holidays. I was one of three kids and I know my Mom would never have said anything if we ignored her. But honestly, I think sometimes there is a maturity issue here, or a problem of entitlement. It just seems like my kids don't think about dh and I or our needs much at all. It's really demoralizing.

 

How's that for helpful input?

 

My kids are generally good kids, too. But I often feel underappreciated and it hurts.

[JessReplanted]

I honestly believe that half of celebrating holidays is about teaching our kids how to celebrate holidays, and that includes teaching them how to show our love and appreciation for others.

 

Holidays (or birthdays) don't ever come as a surprise around here. We start talking about them weeks in advance. ;)

 

So, if a member of our family forgot an important holiday, or a birthday, I would certainly have a big heart to heart with that person. However, I wouldn't let the day pass without recognizing it. I would find a kind way to remind the child: "I'm so excited about Mother's Day! I know we're going to have a great day together! What should we do?"

[Catherine]

Yes, true, but what it you've done that for years? And they are now older teens?

[CalicoKat]

I'm in the camp which wouldn't say or do anything about what's passed.

But I would celebrate by myself.

 

For a long time my DH wasn't big into celebrating or gifts for me. It wasn't lack of love. He just didn't have a clue that you're supposed to continued after the wooing. I was bitter & hurt for a long time. He didn't get that either. Several of the ladies here suggested taking care of myself for those holidays. And I did. :D I got wrapped gifts under the tree. Inspired, thoughtful birthday gifts. And one year there was another gift under the tree for me that I didn't buy?! He got it.

 

He came back from a business trip in April with a gift that made me cry. It was a pattern for a shawl to knit. He said he'd been watching me knit shawls for the church prayer ministry. One of the women in the office was wearing a shawl that he thought I'd really like. He found out the name of the pattern and bought it for me + the yarn! Awwww........ He said he thought it would looked really pretty on me and it looked warm.

 

Treat yourself if no one else will. Plan now what you're going to do on your special Mother's Day celebration. Take the day for yourself. Perhaps they'll catch on, maybe they won't. But you'll be happier.

[2cents]

I'm the kind of person who isn't big into things like birthdays or mother's day etc for adults. I do celebrate birthdays for the children and we do understated, family observances once they are older. We did celebrate Mother's day with an outing but we don't make a big deal about it being specifically for 'Mother's day'.

 

My MIL used to make us feel horrible if we weren't sufficiently fawning over some holiday or special date. We were very good about keeping up with them but a few times the mail was slow etc. It became more about trying to keep in her good graces (avoiding her wrath) and dotting the i's than truly feeling that appreciation. :)

 

 

My feeling is that everyday should be Mother's day or Dad's day etc. We should show appreciation for each other in some small way everyday and for me, that is what counts. :D

[J-rap]

If it really bothers you, I'd have a gentle discussion with your teen about how this day is important to you, and you'd like to celebrate it. Then for Father's Day, I'd insist that he get help with your planning a fun event. He can learn from that.

 

I'd maybe talk with my husband about it too. I think that up to a certain age, if you do celebrate these things, it's up to the opposite parent to lead the way.

 

In our family, my husband has never been big on these events. He is an amazing, generous, loving man, who just doesn't get into government-planned holidays. That's fine. I know he loves me and he shows it in many ways. But because of his views on it, our own children don't make it a big deal either. Sometimes if I want to do something special, I plan it myself. :) They always enjoy it when I do; they just might not think to plan it themselves.