Why are people so afraid of being "behind"? Vent.

[SuperDad]

When people on these boards have an accelerated kid, they are fine. Sometimes they want help choosing curricula or with BTDT advice, but they don't panic. They recognize that their child is advanced and they work to serve that need.

 

However... if a child is "behind" - even by just one or two years - people freak out and reach immediately for remedial curric. Really? How can we accept that kids can be advanced, but balk at the mere idea of being "behind"? Everyone is on a different timetable. They will get there eventually! Calm down! One or two years (or even three years) is not so much in the end. My niece didn't learn to read until she was 8.5, but entered college when she was 12.5 (obviously that is atypical, but my point is that she is an extremely bright girl with no learning disabilities whatsoever who just happened to be a little "off" the ps timetable. The ps actually diagnosed her with dyslexia, even though she obviously didn't have it, just because, in their words, "no child reads that late and doesn't have a disability"- what????).

 

Obviously this is a big generalization. There are plenty of people who don't fit this description at all. It's just a vent from what I am dealing with at co-op. But I do feel like it's a real point... even among homeschoolers. :confused:

 

ETA: I may delete this later, b/c it's mostly just a vent, not an actual question. So feel free to share your thoughts, but please no quoting. Thanks.

Edited May 11, 2012 by SuperDad

[Jean in Newcastle]

Most children are able to stick to grade level standards. When a child is behind those standards it could be for a couple of different reasons. It could be just a developmental lag. But it could also be due to a learning disability or other problem. I wouldn't be so quick to judge parents who are responsibly trying to find out if there is a problem and to take care of it. Those who do so earlier can save years of heartache later on.

 

Making a generalized rant against responsible parents because of your experience with one family member seems rather counterproductive at the very least.

 

My 10 year old daughter is behind in math. I am not panicking. I am working with her daily to help her improve. To do less than that would be irresponsible. Whether I use a "remedial" curricula to do so or not, is not anyone else's business.

[Murphy101]

I have no idea, but I've often wondered the same thing.

 

I completely agree with you.

 

The education rights thread is rather nerve wrecking for many people I bet!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well that's why I asked, but did not get an answer, if it was that the parents were doing nothing at all or just not following the regulations. I don't bat an eyelash at a parent who deviates from the regulations. That is not in the same category as educational neglect in my mind.

 

Tibbie is talking about high school age children who cannot do elementary school level subjects. That is not just deviating from the regulations.

[Princess Peach]

Most children are able to stick to grade level standards. When a child is behind those standards it could be for a couple of different reasons. It could be just a developmental lag. But it could also be due to a learning disability or other problem. I wouldn't be so quick to judge parents who are responsibly trying to find out if there is a problem and to take care of it. Those who do so earlier can save years of heartache later on.

 

Making a generalized rant against responsible parents because of your experience with one family member seems rather counterproductive at the very least.

 

My 10 year old daughter is behind in math. I am not panicking. I am working with her daily to help her improve. To do less than that would be irresponsible. Whether I use a "remedial" curricula to do so or not, is not anyone else's business.

 

:iagree: It is extremely important to identify and address problems earlier rather than later. It's called being a responsible parent.

[NASDAQ]

The standards where most of us live are based on what a child of average intelligence without serious learning disabilities should be able to achieve. Most of the children here are above-average in terms of parental investment, intelligence (people who choose to spend their time reading and writing about teaching reading and writing are generally average or above intelligence), and often class as well. They have advantages.

 

When a child with many advantages is not meeting standards set for children without those advantages, their parents are going to wonder why. They are going to try to eliminate various possible causes -- teaching failure, for example, or learning disabilities. Neither of those problems is going to get any better by waiting years, and will likely get worse.

[delaney]

Because I have to give a test every year and submit the results to the public schools. How can I let them be 2 years behind in something like math? I can't. I don't want any flack from the PS system.

[Murphy101]

I *think* ya'll might be missing superdad's point entirely.

 

A child with development issues is not behind. They are just where they are.

 

Iow. If its not a race, they can't be "behind."

 

Not sure that made any sense.

 

And I agree with a pp. I rarely run into a home schooler genuinely worried about being behind.

 

ETA: baby kicked the thumbs down. I don't have feelings that strong about it. :)

[craftymama]

One of the difficulties for me is the schoolboard review. As soon as I mentioned we switched reading programs because the first one was clearly not working they responded with, "But you do intend to have him in a reader by the fall, right?"

 

The law says I have to be reviewed so I am subjected to their opinions and, quite frankly, judgements.

[PIE!]

It depends on why they're behind. Dd's reading level may or may not be slightly "behind" (I've never really had her tested, so I don't know for sure). But she works at it every day and is where she is. I'm not worried about her.

 

But sometimes we get "behind" and it's MY fault. Dd COULD handle the work, but due to my neglect she is not as competent as she could be. For example, we took a few too many days off math this year. Now we're doubling up on lessons to catch up. If dd was struggling with math and needed extra time I'd have no problem slowing down. But since it was my pace rather than her pace that put her behind, and she can handle the "catch-up" work just fine, we're working hard to not be behind anymore.

[laundrycrisis]

:iagree: It is extremely important to identify and address problems earlier rather than later. It's called being a responsible parent.

 

:iagree:. Guilty as charged. I not only "panicked", I put him through two years of vision therapy and a full year with a private tutor to help with reading and writing. And now, heavens, I'm putting the poor kid through OT. And I have used products from Remedia, Bright Apple, and Linguisystems. And I'm glad every single day that I did not take the advice of the people who told me to relax, don't worry, he'll get it when he's ready, etc. Sure, sometimes that works out. And other times it doesn't. When there is an LD issue, no magic fairy is going to swoop in and disappear the problem with a sudden cosmic burst of readiness. I wasn't willing to gamble with the time it would have taken to wait on "readiness" or "late blooming". IMO it is a much better strategy to proceed as if there may be a real LD issue. Because when there is, every day counts. And yes, I do find it alarming when a child is more than a grade level behind in basic academic skills during the elementary school years. Maybe there is no reason to panic, but maybe there is a real problem that will require some specific help. At the very least, a parent should be trying to help the child advance.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm willing to not care if people are ahead, behind, sideways or backwards as long as parents aren't deliberately sabotaging their kid's entire future. People can come from pretty far behind the pack and still get there by diploma time, but there's such a thing as insurmountable obstacles.

 

The situation I'm talking about Wendy, the Mom herself can't do third grade math. I'm teaching the 16yo what multiplication even means, and how to subtract on paper. She knows how to have 10 objects and give one to each child, but she can't write

 

10

-8

2

[AimeeM]

Not everyone has long term goals for homeschooling. Some (like ourselves) are doing it only to help our child gain ground to go BACK to brick and mortar school - and as we all know, being behind in a BM school can have serious consequences.

 

Our daughter is more advanced in math and sciences; but woefully behind in language arts and hates reading with a passion. She wanted to attend a magnet arts public school next year for middle school (6th grade), but we were informed by the school that if she is dubbed remedial or in need of resource class for language arts, she would have to forfeit one of her extra resource arts classes - since her main interest was Strings, and that is an all year resource class that MUST be entered into during 6th grade, two resource classes mandatory, one being mandatory PE as per the district, she wouldn't be allowed to do Strings. No point in going to that school since we were only interested in the arts program really.

 

Our other consideration is a Catholic school where she has the option of being held back a year (something we were considering for maturity reasons - she is very young for her grade and it would serve her well in language arts). The problem? Well, the obvious - she would be bored out of her skull in math and science.

 

Being behind in some areas is fine; especially if you plan to home educate and know that your child will eventually learn what is necessary. Not so fine when you have other goals for your children that include inclusion in a more traditional educational setting - like a brick and mortar school. We aren't lifers and are homeschooling more out of necessity than desire :tongue_smilie:.

[allymom]

Yeah I try to resist the temptation to freak out if one of my kids seems behind in something. I guess I feel guilty. Like maybe I didn't do something right.

 

And then there is this dumb fear that if they ever have to go to school then everyone will blame me if they are behind. Because I'm just the dumb mom who has no business thinking she could teach anything.

 

In terms of how I feel about other people's kids, I don't say anything because frankly I'm not worried about other people's kids. :D Hopefully that doesn't sound bad. But really, not my business.

 

:iagree: That's exactly how I feel. It is really hard to trust the process.

[fairfarmhand]

because (just for me) I never know what the future might hold. So if the unthinkable happened and they had to go to school, I want academic pressure from the school to be the last worry on my kids' mind

[stripe]

What makes it inappropriate to use remedial curricula for someone who's behind?

 

Why makes the realization that someone is one, two, or three years behind so immediate that someone "immediately" reaches for remedial curricula?

 

Where were these kids before? At a school or at home? I think if someone has been repeating the same stuff for years, then it's not immediate. If someone is stuck, what's wrong with using remedial material? Sure, it's one thing if someone isn't yet reading at 6 years old, but doesn't there eventually come a point when we become concerned and what to help? To me, that's what remediation is.

 

I just dom't understand the idea that all desires to use remedial material are made suddenly or as the result of "freaking out."

 

I guess I've missed those threads beind referred to here.

[ChristineW]

:iagree:. Guilty as charged. I not only "panicked", I put him through two years of vision therapy and a full year with a private tutor to help with reading and writing. And now, heavens, I'm putting the poor kid through OT. And I have used products from Remedia, Bright Apple, and Linguisystems. And I'm glad every single day that I did not take the advice of the people who told me to relax, don't worry, he'll get it when he's ready, etc. Sure, sometimes that works out. And other times it doesn't. When there is an LD issue, no magic fairy is going to swoop in and disappear the problem with a sudden cosmic burst of readiness. I wasn't willing to gamble with the time it would have taken to wait on "readiness" or "late blooming". IMO it is a much better strategy to proceed as if there may be a real LD issue. Because when there is, every day counts. And yes, I do find it alarming when a child is more than a grade level behind in basic academic skills during the elementary school years. Maybe there is no reason to panic, but maybe there is a real problem that will require some specific help. At the very least, a parent should be trying to help the child advance.

 

:iagree: My DD 5 is very smart. However, she has sensory issues and motor delays that impact her education. Her former Holt-based preschool was big on not teaching kids to read until they could ride a bike but told me not to worry when my 4 year old daughter was still scribbling and couldn't pedal a trike. I don't think that I'll ever forgive them. DD is "catching up" but only with the help of two hours a week of a mixed PT/OT class. She could probably use more. Why do I care? B/c she is very likely 2E and I don't want the delays to limit her opportunities.

[delaney]

because (just for me) I never know what the future might hold. So if the unthinkable happened and they had to go to school, I want academic pressure from the school to be the last worry on my kids' mind

That is a great point. I never really thought about what would happen if my kids HAD to go back to PS. Yikes. :confused:

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Um, my experience reading the accelerated boards is that parents of kids ahead panic, too. They're not all just fine (no offense to those parents.) I think any parent who's child does something unexpected/deviates from the norm is going to worry/question/search for answers (sometimes frantically.) You may not see it as much on here because the parents with accelerated kids are afraid of looking like they're bragging. I got a lot of flack for panicking and asking for prayers when one of my sons did something before most kids do. Sorry, but I think part of your premise is flawed.

 

(Logic experts, is it premise or thesis that I am thinking of?)

Edited May 11, 2012 by theYoungerMrsWarde

[Jean in Newcastle]

I *think* ya'll might be missing superdad's point entirely.

 

A child with development issues is not behind. They are just where they are.

 

Iow. If its not a race, they can't be "behind."

 

Not sure that made any sense.

 

And I agree with a pp. I rarely run into a home schooler genuinely worried about being behind.

 

ETA: baby kicked the thumbs down. I don't have feelings that strong about it. :)

 

His point is that he can look at another homeschooler's progress or lack of it and judge whether the parent is panicking needlessly or not just by the fact that they are concerned about their child being behind. My point is that he cannot. Sure, some people are like Chicken Little and are always worried that the sky is falling. And sure, some people are in a competition with others that originated in their own head. But most concerned parents are just that - concerned parents who are trying to do the best they can for the kids that they are responsible for. And people making generalizations from the sidelines don't help them in that.

 

P.S. - Tibbie's situation is not a case of what I outlined above. She had some unconfirmed reservations at first but she was invited to actually see how the kids are doing academically by the father. She knows these kid's progress because she's seen actual evidence of what they can and cannot do. And she's been specifically told that these kids were never exposed to these concepts to begin with.

Edited May 11, 2012 by Jean in Newcastle

[Spy Car]

Most children are able to stick to grade level standards. When a child is behind those standards it could be for a couple of different reasons. It could be just a developmental lag. But it could also be due to a learning disability or other problem. I wouldn't be so quick to judge parents who are responsibly trying to find out if there is a problem and to take care of it. Those who do so earlier can save years of heartache later on.

 

Making a generalized rant against responsible parents because of your experience with one family member seems rather counterproductive at the very least.

 

My 10 year old daughter is behind in math. I am not panicking. I am working with her daily to help her improve. To do less than that would be irresponsible. Whether I use a "remedial" curricula to do so or not, is not anyone else's business.

 

:iagree: It is extremely important to identify and address problems earlier rather than later. It's called being a responsible parent.

 

:iagree:

 

There are many learning disabilities that can be compensated for if caught early. This is responsible parenting.

 

Bill

[CalicoKat]

:iagree:

 

There are many learning disabilities that can be compensated for if caught early. This is responsible parenting.

 

Bill

 

And f you don't catch it early and do something about it you get blamed by everyone around you for messing them up by choosing to homeschool.

[SuperDad]

His point is that he can look at another homeschooler's progress or lack of it and judge whether the parent is panicking needlessly or not just by the fact that they are concerned about their child being behind.

No, it isn't, and I really do apologize if I came across that way. I'm not trying to judge anybody. Judging isn't my job; it's G-d's. I'm not advocating for irresponsible parenting, either. I'm a mandated reporter, and yes I have had to report, including one case of educational neglect. I would not ever advocate for that. Being concerned about your child's progress is a positive thing. My point is that kids can be "behind" and that is okay. Sometimes they don't have a learning disorder. Sometimes, NOTHING is wrong with the child. They just aren't ready. And you can't make them ready. Of course, learning disorders and developmental issues are different. I am talking about normal learners.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No, it isn't, and I really do apologize if I came across that way. I'm not trying to judge anybody. Judging isn't my job; it's G-d's. I'm not advocating for irresponsible parenting, either. I'm a mandated reporter, and yes I have had to report, including one case of educational neglect. I would not ever advocate for that. Being concerned about your child's progress is a positive thing. My point is that kids can be "behind" and that is okay. Sometimes they don't have a learning disorder. Sometimes, NOTHING is wrong with the child. They just aren't ready. And you can't make them ready. Of course, learning disorders and developmental issues are different. I am talking about normal learners.

 

Well, I agree that panicking is never very productive. But we don't always know if being behind is just developmental or not. Sometimes you don't know until you've waited a while. I think that if you are working with a child, most people can get a sense if they are a late bloomer or not. Sometimes you can tell because the parents were late bloomers and I think there is a genetic component there. I also think that just because a child is a late bloomer doesn't mean that you shelve the entire subject. Don't push them, but don't just ignore it either. You can still expose a child to things in a relaxed way.

[newlifemom]

No, it isn't, and I really do apologize if I came across that way. I'm not trying to judge anybody. Judging isn't my job; it's G-d's. I'm not advocating for irresponsible parenting, either. I'm a mandated reporter, and yes I have had to report, including one case of educational neglect. I would not ever advocate for that. Being concerned about your child's progress is a positive thing. My point is that kids can be "behind" and that is okay. Sometimes they don't have a learning disorder. Sometimes, NOTHING is wrong with the child. They just aren't ready. And you can't make them ready. Of course, learning disorders and developmental issues are different. I am talking about normal learners.

 

I see your point, but my question would be:

 

How do you know the difference?

 

It's like when I take my child to the dr for something and they say, "why did you bring him in?" and when I don't, "Why didn't you bring him in?"

 

Sometimes you can't win for trying. I do think that the range for things like learning to read can vary greatly with a normal child. At the same time, if there were a problem that went undiagnosed . . . sigh.

[Princess Peach]

No, it isn't, and I really do apologize if I came across that way. I'm not trying to judge anybody. Judging isn't my job; it's G-d's. I'm not advocating for irresponsible parenting, either. I'm a mandated reporter, and yes I have had to report, including one case of educational neglect. I would not ever advocate for that. Being concerned about your child's progress is a positive thing. My point is that kids can be "behind" and that is okay. Sometimes they don't have a learning disorder. Sometimes, NOTHING is wrong with the child. They just aren't ready. And you can't make them ready. Of course, learning disorders and developmental issues are different. I am talking about normal learners.

 

But how does one ascertain if a child is just a late bloomer or if there is a real LD there? I, for one, decided to err on the side of caution. I gave my DS9 some time, but when I knew I tried different approaches and things were not progressing, I decided to be proactive and get him some more intense help, do the testing, etc. FWIW, he was found not to have a SLD.

 

I think this sort of thinking just rubs me the wrong way, because I've worked my butt off this year. I have been exhausted, wrung out, frustrated. I've cried so many tears and pleaded with the Lord to give me strength when I knew I couldn't do it on my own. And I would do it all over again, a thousand times. Because my boy is reading. Because I didn't just let it slide, didn't just give him more time. I panicked.

[Trilliums]

I can see the notion behind the OP. BUT, he has had the experience of a child who was behind and then ended up accelerated. It is different if you just have a child who is behind and no crystal ball to tell you that they will be OK.

 

Many times I reply to posts where parents are stressing over their kid being behind--their 6 or 7 year old. I try to offer reassurances because I was once that mom. I was worried DS would never learn to read, to multiply etc. He was far below the norm and yes I did panic many times because I had no idea what was going on. I definitely wish there was a greater societal acceptance for acquiring specific academic skills at later ages because for my son I think it was developmental. He was not ready ... until he was ready! Now he IS accelerated and it is easy for me to look back and say all that worry was for naught. But, if he was still struggling with math, I would be endlessly wondering if I should have done something differently -- If he COULD have achieved more it I had done such and such. We all want our kids to do well in life, surely that fuels a lot of the worry, fretting and concern.

[kalliemorgan]

Hmmmm...never thought of it that way! Consider it taken to heart. Wise counsel, that is.

[SuperDad]

I can see the notion behind the OP. BUT, he has had the experience of a child who was behind and then ended up accelerated. It is different if you just have a child who is behind and no crystal ball to tell you that they will be OK.

 

But we didn't know that it was going to happen that way. For eight years I had a child in front of me who was not reading. And there wasn't a crystal ball telling me that everything would be OK. She could just of easily had never been able to learn to read and been illiterate for her entire life. I know NOW that she is fine, but back then we knew nothing. We had no idea what was going to happen. The uncertainty was the worst part. Because of this experience I am acutely aware of the fact that it doesn't always turn out OK. My family is very, very blessed that things did turn out well, but we also faced the alternative.

 

 

 

Also... just to the posters as a whole, please know that I am not judging or making assumptions about a specific family. One family did spark my frustrations, but this is a "point" that has been bouncing around in my mine for a while.

[Trilliums]

I know NOW that she is fine, but back then we knew nothing. We had no idea what was going to happen. The uncertainty was the worst part. Because of this experience I am acutely aware of the fact that it doesn't always turn out OK.

 

I think the bolded sums up why parents do tend to fret over it.

 

I tend to agree with you though. I wish it was more accepted. I encounter so many kids who feel stupid by the time they are in middle school. I regret the stress I felt over him being *behind* and I do think school and society adds to the pressure.

[Shellydon]

No, it isn't, and I really do apologize if I came across that way. I'm not trying to judge anybody. Judging isn't my job; it's G-d's. I'm not advocating for irresponsible parenting, either. I'm a mandated reporter, and yes I have had to report, including one case of educational neglect. I would not ever advocate for that. Being concerned about your child's progress is a positive thing. My point is that kids can be "behind" and that is okay. Sometimes they don't have a learning disorder. Sometimes, NOTHING is wrong with the child. They just aren't ready. And you can't make them ready. Of course, learning disorders and developmental issues are different. I am talking about normal learners.

 

 

I get what you are trying to say. I have a child who has been 'behind' in a subject before. Many people aren't able to tell what is developmentally normal and what is disordered, so they err on the side of caution and get the lagging student checked out. I have the advantage of having a degree that gave me ample training in learning disorders so I am comfortable letting a child that clearly does not have any type of learning disability progress at their own pace. Other people do not have that training so they are right to get it checked out. IMO, it is always better to be overly cautious than to miss something that could have been treated more easily at an early age.

[Desert Strawberry]

Super dad, may i ask what you did while you were waiting?

 

My oldest has some learning problems that he has mostly overcome. I try to work at his level, and do as much as he can handle, whatever it may be. I worried a great deal about him . I didn't know if he would overcome his troubles.

 

Now that he has, I am working harder at catching him up. Because I think he can work at grade level. There is no longer a reason for him to be behind. He may not catch up all the way, but he 'll get closer.

 

The hardest thing for me to get over was if he couldn't read, I didn't know how to teach him anything else. Then I read about a family with a late reader. They did all their lessons aloud. So simple. So obvious. So easy. We still do most of our work aloud.

[Catwoman]

The hardest thing for me to get over was if he couldn't read, I didn't know how to teach him anything else. Then I read about a family with a late reader. They did all their lessons aloud. So simple. So obvious. So easy. We still do most of our work aloud.

 

In your case, I hope you don't blame yourself for not immediately realizing that it was OK to do lessons aloud. It's so easy to know what to do, once you hear about it from someone who has been there and gotten through it. It's also very easy for people to dish out all sorts of advice, but when you're the one in the middle of a tough situation, it's all too easy to get mired in the worry and the details, and not be able to come up with a solution.

 

I think that can be especially true in homeschooling our first child, because we have an image in our minds of what we think we should do, and how everything will be wonderful, and how we'll all sit on the couch and read and be blissfully happy just like those families on the cover of the Sonlight catalog...........and then reality rears its ugly head and your kid is bored and it's not going the way you wanted it to, and you start having evil thoughts about that family on the Sonlight catalog, and it can take a while to regroup and find new ways of doing things.

 

I have been very fortunate that my ds learns things very easily, but he's also pretty stubborn and has an inherent dislike of hard work, so I think we all have our own issues to deal with.

 

Well, except for maybe those families on the covers of the Sonlight catalogs... and I like to think that, by now, most of them have changed to a different curriculum, anyway. :D

[kalliemorgan]

I think that can be especially true in homeschooling our first child, because we have an image in our minds of what we think we should do, and how everything will be wonderful, and how we'll all sit on the couch and read and be blissfully happy just like those families on the cover of the Sonlight catalog...........and then reality rears its ugly head and your kid is bored and it's not going the way you wanted it to, and you start having evil thoughts about that family on the Sonlight catalog, and it can take a while to regroup and find new ways of doing things.

 

LOL! :lol:

[FO4UR]

 

A child with development issues is not behind. They are just where they are.

 

Iow. If its not a race, they can't be "behind."

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

When there is an LD issue, no magic fairy is going to swoop in and disappear the problem with a sudden cosmic burst of readiness. I wasn't willing to gamble with the time it would have taken to wait on "readiness" or "late blooming". IMO it is a much better strategy to proceed as if there may be a real LD issue. Because when there is, every day counts.

 

:iagree:

 

 

Not that it's a race against other kids, but it is a kind of race with time. We only have so many days to teach *this* child...and so many hours within those days. They will turn 18 and be an adult someday.

 

 

I use some resources that are considered "remedial" b/c they work. That is the sum total of my reasoning. It works. My ds is reading, he's able to write from dictation, and he's getting through an honest day's work in an honest day. (Hallelujah!!!)

 

To answer the basic question though: I'm afraid of being behind b/c I will answer to these children someday when they want to expand their horizons and need skills to make their dreams happen. (Skills - reading, writing, math, etc...) I want them to be thankful for the benefits they reap as homeschoolers, not resentful that mom didn't take the time to teach ____________.

 

I'm not really afraid. A better word would be aware. I remain aware of what my kids can do and what most other kids are doing. I do purposely buck some standards. (No creative writing in grammar stage, streamlined focus in math in the early years, etc...) In those cases, "behind" is like the steady runner of a marathon...we'll catch our lime light in the final laps.

[TXMomof4]

I think that can be especially true in homeschooling our first child, because we have an image in our minds of what we think we should do, and how everything will be wonderful, and how we'll all sit on the couch and read and be blissfully happy just like those families on the cover of the Sonlight catalog...........and then reality rears its ugly head and your kid is bored and it's not going the way you wanted it to, and you start having evil thoughts about that family on the Sonlight catalog, and it can take a while to regroup and find new ways of doing things.

 

 

 

I think it's even harder when its a 2nd or 3rd child that's different. My first two were easy to hs. I didn't think it at the time, obviously, but in hindsight they were easy peasy. My 3rd dd is not. She was behind, she was slower, she was just different. It completely blew my confidence out of the water and really made me question my abilities. I still question them daily *with this child*. I don't know what to do most days - what I did with the others simply isn't working like it did with the others.

 

I had doubts and questioned my abilities with the olders simply because I'd never done it before and I didn't have a way of measuring their capabilities against others - but they were reading, able to do their grade level math and so I could rest in that somewhat. DD3 is not that way at all. All I can do is keep plugging away and pray that I'm doing the right thing.

[happyhomemaker25]

Well, I agree that panicking is never very productive. But we don't always know if being behind is just developmental or not. Sometimes you don't know until you've waited a while. I think that if you are working with a child, most people can get a sense if they are a late bloomer or not. Sometimes you can tell because the parents were late bloomers and I think there is a genetic component there. I also think that just because a child is a late bloomer doesn't mean that you shelve the entire subject. Don't push them, but don't just ignore it either. You can still expose a child to things in a relaxed way.

 

This is why I did not really "panic" when my third daughter had so much trouble learning how to read. My oldest girl was the same way. She did ok, sounding stuff out, but it did not click until she was about 10 or 11. Then she took off. She is 15 and loves to read now. My third girl just turned 10 and I am already seeing the same light come on. I did have her tested at one point thanks to people around me freaking out, but they couldn't find any problems. It wasn't until last year that I realized she seemed to be following the same pattern as her older sister. Of course if she follows the exact same pattern her sister took the next couple of years are going to be very long. :glare::tongue_smilie:

[happyhomemaker25]

For me it's because I am the one accountable. I can't blame the schools or anyone else. My two older girls are behind and I guess I could just say it was because of developmental issues. My oldest especially has attachment disorders and has been really immature. Even now at 15 she reminds me more of a typical 12 or 13yo. My other daughter just turned 12 but she is very mature. Her issue was more of a comprehension problem with a dash of 'it's just to hard and I don't really want to think about it', thrown in. Add to all of that me switching curriculum trying to find the "perfect fit" and you have a recipe for disaster.

By going back and working through some younger math and LA I have seen both girls improve immensely. They now have a lot more confidence when approaching their school work and we have not had one fight over school work this year!

[Desert Strawberry]

For the most part, I don't care if they are ahead or behind or whatever. As PPs said, it's not a race. They aren't in a class that is going to move on without them. If we need to slow down, that's fine and we need to speed up, okey doke. No big deal.

I am fortunate that I live in a state that does no monitoring. I forget that other families have standards to meet. I would imagine that would at a tremendous amount of pressure.

I was fortunate to find out what was going on with my kid at age 4, and I am in a unique position to help him. I was an on-time but avid and advanced reader. THat clouds my perceptions of my own children,s performance and acheivements. We are all victims of our own experience.

Luckily, I read the story I mentioned early on, when my son was 6 or so, and we were working on the ABCs for the 3rd year in a row. While I was somewhat frustrated, I didn't have too much time to worry before I found a solution.

[SuperDad]

What makes it inappropriate to use remedial curricula for someone who's behind? <snip>

But that's just it: what makes the child "behind"?

 

Super dad, may i ask what you did while you were waiting?

<snip>

The hardest thing for me to get over was if he couldn't read, I didn't know how to teach him anything else. Then I read about a family with a late reader. They did all their lessons aloud. So simple. So obvious. So easy. We still do most of our work aloud.

To the first statement: when she was not-quite-8, we had her fully tested for any learning or developmental disorders. Everything came out normal. So, we just did what we called "out loud learning" (as you described above), tried to integrate phonics into real life whenever we could, and waited until she was receptive to reading instruction.

[Crimson Wife]

A remedial reading program designed for dyslexic students like Barton or Wilson may turn out to be unnecessary for the "late bloomer", but it's not harmful for them to use it. Better to err on the side of unnecessary intervention IMHO than losing precious time waiting for it to become clear that the child has a LD rather than just being a "late bloomer". Okay, so the parent spent more money on a reading program than he/she actually needed to. Big whoop-de-doo. But the costs of forgoing early intervention with a child who actually is LD may be much. much greater.

[MomatHWTK]

For my first (who does have LDs it turns out), the issues wasn't that I felt he was "behind" in comparison to others though I know he was. The issue was that he was not able to learn the concepts. I knew my child, I knew his overall abilities and his reading was not conforming to that curve at all. He was unhappy and frustrated. So I read a book about remediation and started using the suggestions and they worked.

 

So whether you call it a "remedial resource" or just "another way of teaching the topic for a kid who doesn't get it" doesn't matter to me. What is important to me is that I keep him on some sort of progression. I would guess that we are behind in several subjects right now by some standards. I would also guess that we are ahead in others. But it really doesn't matter. I keep moving forward, I keep moving my children forward and if they struggle with standard materials I turn to the resourses that help. "Remedial" is just a search term for me. :)

[Desert Strawberry]

For my son, I consider him behind because the curriculum that we are using is made to be covered in a specific range of ages. We started late and progressed slowly. He is at the upper end of the range. He should be doing book 4 and he is doing books 2 and 3. Again, this would be fine, if this were appropriate for him, but it is not. So I am pressing quickly through this stuff so that he can work at the appropriate level without missing out on the important stuff.

I do not compare him to his age-grouped peers because their curriculum and quality of education is very different and IMO extremely lacking. It would be comparing potatoes and puppies.

[Desert Strawberry]

Had I been in superdad's siuation where there was no identifiable reason for the child to not be progressing (I'm assuming that she was not progressing or doing so very slowly, if I am reading correctly), I would assume it was a teaching failure. I know that it took me a couple of tries to find something that my son could progress through. He was not learning to read fluently, but he did begin to gain skills that he later (now) uses to read fluently. I would not continue with what I'd been doing and chalk it up to late blooming -though that is certainly a possibility. I would assume that I was just not presenting the information in a way that was accessible to the child.

I hope that makes sense.

[Laura Corin]

because (just for me) I never know what the future might hold. So if the unthinkable happened and they had to go to school, I want academic pressure from the school to be the last worry on my kids' mind

 

Calvin had delayed motor skills and so I didn't expect his handwriting to be at grade level when he was younger. This was a diagnosed LD, so I knew that a school would have to accommodate it in some way. Apart from this, I made sure that the boys were always at least at grade level in the basic subjects (English, maths) in case they ever had to go into school.

 

Laura

[Rosy]

Why do we freak out? I don't know, why do parents freak out about anything that turns out to be fine in the long run? Because we're parents. Because we don't know if it's going to turn out to be fine in the long run, and it's on us if it doesn't. Because we don't always know why a kid isn't progressing--whether they're on their own timetable, or whether there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

 

I have a son who could have benefited from a little *more* freaking out. I let him lag behind for years. He was making progress, so I decided he must be on his own schedule, that he'd catch up when he was ready, all the positive self-talk we as homschoolers often engage in. Over the past year, he has grown increasingly frustrated with life in general and began taking it out on his younger sisters. When it got out of control, I put him in school. He was on average about 2 years behind across the board, so we ended up retaining him a year and his teachers got him (mostly) caught up to grade level. He is still academically vulnerable and emotionally volatile. I am reading "The Explosive Child" and hoping to have a solid plan in place before school lets out for the summer. He was a terror over spring break.

 

My point is that uncertainty is uncertain because we don't know for certain that things will work out. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes it's hard to tell when things aren't working. Unless you (generally) are someone who does not have educational goals for your kids, you have to continually assess if your goals are appropriate, if they're being met, if the tools you're using are adequate. There is wisdom in being able to know one's child well enough to be able to determine when something is a concern and when it isn't, but there is nothing noble about seeing that a kid is not meeting academic goals and shrugging one's shoulders. It's our job as homeschooling parents to care, to figure out why, and to make sure needs are being met.

[Carrie12345]

I think it's even harder when its a 2nd or 3rd child that's different. My first two were easy to hs. I didn't think it at the time, obviously, but in hindsight they were easy peasy. My 3rd dd is not. She was behind, she was slower, she was just different. It completely blew my confidence out of the water and really made me question my abilities. I still question them daily *with this child*. I don't know what to do most days - what I did with the others simply isn't working like it did with the others.

 

 

Yes. My #3 child is the one I could be considered to be fretting over right now. My first two have been very quick to learn and retain, so I know there is nothing inherently wrong with my methods. She learned to read later than they did, but not outside the norm. What she is capable of doing requires much more effort than the others have ever had to apply, much more time to get comfortable with, and isn't recalled with anywhere near as much ease. And many things are just completely escaping her, even in her "behind" levels.

 

If my child were "behind" in level but managing it successfully, maybe "behind" wouldn't matter. But struggling while "behind" is a huge red flag for me. That, in my opinion, signals learning issues that should be assessed and addressed appropriately.

 

My oldest is an accelerated learner. I didn't fret all that much b/c it was simple to address. With dd, I've only found a few small "helps" with limited success. My goal in hsing has always been to meet my kids' educational needs, whatever they may be.

 

(DD is currently going through evals to determine how to best help her.)

[Joanne]

When people on these boards have an accelerated kid, they are fine. Sometimes they want help choosing curricula or with BTDT advice, but they don't panic. They recognize that their child is advanced and they work to serve that need.

 

However... if a child is "behind" - even by just one or two years - people freak out and reach immediately for remedial curric. Really? How can we accept that kids can be advanced, but balk at the mere idea of being "behind"? Everyone is on a different timetable. They will get there eventually! Calm down! One or two years (or even three years) is not so much in the end. My niece didn't learn to read until she was 8.5, but entered college when she was 12.5 (obviously that is atypical, but my point is that she is an extremely bright girl with no learning disabilities whatsoever who just happened to be a little "off" the ps timetable. The ps actually diagnosed her with dyslexia, even though she obviously didn't have it, just because, in their words, "no child reads that late and doesn't have a disability"- what????).

 

Obviously this is a big generalization. There are plenty of people who don't fit this description at all. It's just a vent from what I am dealing with at co-op. But I do feel like it's a real point... even among homeschoolers. :confused:

 

ETA: I may delete this later, b/c it's mostly just a vent, not an actual question. So feel free to share your thoughts, but please no quoting. Thanks.

 

Working as a teacher in a school that has a lot of former homeschoolers (after having homeschooled myself for more than a decade), I think the homeschooling community has a blind-side to the pervasiveness of "behind" and the percentage of lack of academic rigor in the homeschooling community.

 

I think "behind" is serious, and should be identified and remedied.

[Kathryn]

I can think of many reasons. We love our children and want the best for them and want them to be the best they can be. We are social outliers for our decision to homeschool, we are judged and that makes some of us self-conscious if our child's progress seems to reflect poorly on our choice. Some of us listened too long to the voices telling us about "late bloomers" to the detriment of our children. When I finally trusted my own instincts, ODS ended up with an autism diagnosis. If I listened to my gut earlier, he could have had years of services/therapies by now. As it is, we wil be on a waiting list for at least another year or two.

 

As to what "behind" means, it's disingenuous to pretend we don't know that there is an accepted range at which a typically developing child is able to acquire certain skills with care and instruction. Yes, there are "late bloomers," but delays are often indicative of a problem and problems are best treated early.

[SuperDad]

So...you had your niece tested for LD's because everything was fine?? Or was it because you said to yourself "Hmm...usually 8-yr olds can read and she seems a little..." behind? not-quite-there-yet?

 

Obviously you are fine with testing for LD's, but why not remedial curriculum if that will meet the child where they are? (Since that's what therapy does as well).

We had other concerns not related to her reading skills. That was why we went ahead with the testing.

 

The issue that I have with the usage of remedial curricula lies in their design. Remedial programs are purposely designed for children who received the information in a "normal" program, didn't master it, and now need to be "caught up". They are not set up like "normal" curricula are. So it makes no sense to use a remedial curriculum for children who aren't remedial learners. Late bloomers aren't necessarily remedial - they'll learn just fine with typical curricula, as long as you wait until they are ready.