Catwoman Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Sounds like my BIL, the man who camped on his sisters couch for nearly THIRTEEN years. And it never once dawned on her to send him out to the store for something, and really quickly change the locks when he was out? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerbread Mama Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 And it never once dawned on her to send him out to the store for something, and really quickly change the locks when he was out? :D She always talked about how much of a drain he was, but that is how their family does things...You CANNOT turn out a family member no matter how rude, crude, or intrusive they are. I grew up in a family that believed in manners, etiquette, and the value of personal space so I find that mindset quite confounding. It is a battle DH and I have had time and again over "the inlaws". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosesinsummer Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 :iagree: What nerve. Sounds like my BIL, the man who camped on his sisters couch for nearly THIRTEEN years. DON'T LET THEM IN!! :lol: Well, I know it won't be long term, but I will seriously need a vacation myself from them staying here for a week without any downtime or personal space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Tent in backyard-- I'll have to check into that one. Would there be a city ordinance against that? They like to camp, but I have to wonder if SIL would be offended if I suggested they camp in the backyard. :lol: Having the kids sleep out there, yours included, would free up a bedroom for the adults. Treat them as you want to be treated, not the way they treat you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Anyone in my family (or extended family), some friends, or even some of my family's friends could invite themselves to my home for a week. They wouldn't need the livingroom, though. I'd give them the kids' beds. We've given our own bed to visiting family before. Different strokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristangrace Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 It would be stressful, to some degree, no matter who it was, but there are some family/friends that I'd say "yes" to and enjoy it, and others I'd say "no" to because it would be awful. I only read the first page or so of responses, but it seemed weird to interpret the SIL's request as demanding. If I am not able or willing to pay for a hotel, but I am willing to shack up on a living room floor for a week, why in the world would it be off-limits to say so? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Yes, we do this. It can be inconvenient but it is only for a week once a year. We live far from family and understand that the travel expense to get here is a lot for our families to pay without adding on hotels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosesinsummer Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 Having the kids sleep out there, yours included, would free up a bedroom for the adults. Treat them as you want to be treated, not the way they treat you. My oldest is only 7, and she wakes up scared at night frequently. Their oldest is only 9. I don't think it would work without adult supervision. I will likely let them pile in the living room and plaster a smile on my face and hope my irritation is not readily apparent. I have been backed into a corner. My mom wants to see her son and grandkids. My kids want to see their cousins. :001_unsure: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 It wouldn't work in my house because our living room is the only public space in the house. Everyone would have to be awake at the same time and all sleeping stuff like blankets and pillows would have to be stashed in another room. There really is nowhere to go in my house. The space is U-shaped with living room, dining area, and kitchen. We have only one sofa and one loveseat in the living room. If you have the space, like being able to get the kids into bedrooms, and agree that the public space is available to everyone beginning at _:__ a.m., then I can see trying to make it work. If this family sleeps in, that could pose a problem. Will the rest of you have to tiptoe and whisper? Shoot, I'd be banging pots and pans in the kitchen. :) Why are they staying for a week for someone's graduation? Wow! Is the graduation person a family member? Where will they be staying if you can't accommodate them? Oh, and I have laminate flooring. We would definitely need air mattresses. Who foots that bill? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 My oldest is only 7, and she wakes up scared at night frequently. Their oldest is only 9. I don't think it would work without adult supervision. I will likely let them pile in the living room and plaster a smile on my face and hope my irritation is not readily apparent. I have been backed into a corner. My mom wants to see her son and grandkids. My kids want to see their cousins. :001_unsure: Maybe the hubbies could sleep out there with the kids, just for a night or two, as a "fun" thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 and agree that the public space is available to everyone beginning at _:__ a.m., then I can see trying to make it work. If this family sleeps in, that could pose a problem. Will the rest of you have to tiptoe and whisper? This is an important aspect that you & dh should address on day one, preemptively so that there are not problems later on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosesinsummer Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 It wouldn't work in my house because our living room is the only public space in the house. Everyone would have to be awake at the same time and all sleeping stuff like blankets and pillows would have to be stashed in another room. There really is nowhere to go in my house. The space is U-shaped with living room, dining area, and kitchen. We have only one sofa and one loveseat in the living room. If you have the space, like being able to get the kids into bedrooms, and agree that the public space is available to everyone beginning at _:__ a.m., then I can see trying to make it work. If this family sleeps in, that could pose a problem. Will the rest of you have to tiptoe and whisper? Shoot, I'd be banging pots and pans in the kitchen. :) Why are they staying for a week for someone's graduation? Wow! Is the graduation person a family member? Where will they be staying if you can't accommodate them? Oh, and I have laminate flooring. We would definitely need air mattresses. Who foots that bill? The person graduating is SIL's sister. I believe her sister (who is married; they have no kids) and lives in a small one bedroom apartment. I have a feeling the dh of her sister veto'd the family of 6 camping out there. SIL rightly knows we have a house and thus more space than a one bedroom apartment, plus she knows her kids would rather play with their cousins in a home with toys and a backyard. They are making a two day drive, one way, to get here which is the reason for the desire of a week stay. Our house, too, has living room as only public space. We have a newer home that basically has one great room of living/dining/kitchen as one combined room with no walls. My computer sits in the dining room. The scenario you described is exactly as it would happen. Kicking kids out of their room is one possible solution, but my kids don't do well with sleep overs. They stay up late and are overtired bears the next day. For a night or two max, I could tolerate such a disruptive family schedule. For a week? I will need nightly stiff drinks, and I don't really drink! Plus, I know my SIL will expect me to basically foot the bill for all the food, cooking, etc. and not offer to chip in any money. She is really cheap! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I would do it! If they are fine with the living room, then I would let them have it. We love company though, and someone who does not expect us to give up our beds would be wonderful. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Plus, I know my SIL will expect me to basically foot the bill for all the food, cooking, etc. and not offer to chip in any money. She is really cheap! I would address this in some way ahead of time. Especially if it really will be a financial burden. Like planning a few nights to make dinner, and tell them in a nice way that the other nights are for them to see other family, as yours will be doing something else. Or going to a restaurant, and telling the waiter, as soon as he/she comes to the table, that it will be separate checks, and who is on yours. Unless you want them there... I'd want them there but it doesn't sound like what you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Plus, I know my SIL will expect me to basically foot the bill for all the food, cooking, etc. and not offer to chip in any money. She is really cheap! I would offer cheap snacks and food. No soda, chips, cookies, etc. Meals might be hot dogs with baked beans, large pot of spaghetti, bean soup. Hm.. what else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 If you had no guest room available, would you be okay with this? My SIL wrote me a letter basically stating that they cannot (or will not) pay to stay in a motel for a week. So, either we put up the family of 6 in our living room for a week or they will not visit us, just go to her relative's graduation and then leave (they are out of state). My mother already lives with us, thus the reason for no spare room and cramped quarters in our home. She writes that she grew up doing this all the time with her grandparents and last year at her sister's wedding they camped out on the floor of the living room with full blessing. I love my bro, and I tolerate my SIL. I love my nieces and nephews, but the thought of them staying in my home for a week is.....:ack2: How would you feel? Would you just do it? Other thoughts? I probably would. This is the way most of my family do things. I rarely have had a guest room. When people come they normally end up in the middle of our livingroom. One year I had a niece and 3 of my sisters camping out somewhere in the house. We had a blast. One of the things that would be needed is help. I don't appreciate someone coming in and siting for several days never offering to load the dishwasher or scrub a potato. It is nice if they contribute to the grocery bill also when we are talking about that many people for that length of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Ditto. I just hosted three extra kids for the week of spring break-we do it all the time. But it depends on what kind of relationship you have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerbread Mama Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 The person graduating is SIL's sister. I believe her sister (who is married; they have no kids) and lives in a small one bedroom apartment. I have a feeling the dh of her sister veto'd the family of 6 camping out there. Okay, if it is your SIL's family ... can't someone in HER family put them up? Is there only the one sister there? Also, if the graduating sister herself nixed the idea of her staying there (and regardless of who actually veto'd it ... the sister has apparently said no) then I wouldn't feel responsible for picking up any slack. This woman sounds like a houseguest from h@!! Is your family attending this graduation? Are you close to her family? I'm not sure I understand why you've been put in this spot. Unless you are close to them and/or will be going to the graduation (for the sister, not just in general or for another graduate) then I don't see why they'd expect you to accomodate them. Does your brother even know she's made these demands? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Unless you absolutely can't afford the food, I cannot imagine resenting feeding family for a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 My oldest is only 7, and she wakes up scared at night frequently. Their oldest is only 9. I don't think it would work without adult supervision. I will likely let them pile in the living room and plaster a smile on my face and hope my irritation is not readily apparent. I have been backed into a corner. My mom wants to see her son and grandkids. My kids want to see their cousins. :001_unsure: Well you can either be bitter and feel "backed into a corner" or you can embrace it and enjoy it. Your choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Also, if the graduating sister herself nixed the idea of her staying there (and regardless of who actually veto'd it ... the sister has apparently said no) then I wouldn't feel responsible for picking up any slack. This woman sounds like a houseguest from h@!! Is your family attending this graduation? Are you close to her family? I'm not sure I understand why you've been put in this spot. Unless you are close to them and/or will be going to the graduation (for the sister, not just in general or for another graduate) then I don't see why they'd expect you to accomodate them. Does your brother even know she's made these demands? :iagree: I think a conversation with the brother is in order. And honestly, I don't know why she should feel at all obligated to agree to host an entire family for anything more than an afternoon visit. Personally, I would never kick my ds out of his room so someone else could stay in it. His room belongs to him. Realistically, it sounds like the visit will be a nightmare. The OP finds the SIL to be annoying, and the kids aren't exactly saints, either. She and her family will have no private space away from this family, which means their entire lives will be disrupted -- bedtimes, mealtimes, and any kind of relaxation time will all be impacted. And what about when the other family wants to watch something on TV that the OP disapproves of, and what about when her own kids want to watch their favorite shows... but the other family's kids don't like them, or the whole family is still asleep on the sofa? Sorry, but I can't imagine that this would be a good idea, and I think she should call her brother and tell him exactly what she has told us. The SIL is using the OP's house for free room and board, so she can attend an event for her own sister (who clearly has enough courage to say no to the idea of 6 people camping out in her living room.) We also need to remember that this will be expensive for the OP. She has said that she doesn't think the SIL will offer to help with any of the costs of meals, etc., and feeding 6 people 3 meals a day plus snacks and drinks is going to add up. And one last thing -- if the SIL really wanted to see the OP and her family, but couldn't afford to stay in a hotel during the visit, why didn't she simply invite them to visit her at her own home instead of making a two-day trip? (And hey, they could camp out in her living room!) Oh... yeah... because she's not really making the trip to visit the OP; she wants to attend her sister's special event, but is too cheap to pay for a hotel. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosesinsummer Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 If you knew my SIL and how their kids can be completely disrespectful of others property, demanding, rude, etc. you would know why I'm not jumping for joy to have my house taken over for a week. And feeding an additional 6 people for a week isn't exactly non-impacting on our own budget. Glad all of you judgmental women are so much better women than me. Hope that gives you a high and mighty feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Michelle Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Haven't read this whole thread.. I'd let them stay, but that's normal for us. Since we have the most room everyone crashes here. During Christmas my sisters family (4 kids) & brothers family (2 kids) stayed for 2 weeks! (we only see them twice a year!). We do put everyone in bedrooms though, it would drive me crazy to have people in the living room. It would be weird to me to expect them to stay in a hotel. Edited April 17, 2012 by Another Michelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 If you knew my SIL and how their kids can be completely disrespectful of others property, demanding, rude, etc. you would know why I'm not jumping for joy to have my house taken over for a week. And feeding an additional 6 people for a week isn't exactly non-impacting on our own budget. Glad all of you judgmental women are so much better women than me. Hope that gives you a high and mighty feeling. You've been given at lot of good advice and suggestions, along with commiseration. Very little judgementalism, if any. Families are different, and some expressed this. Saying "all you judgemental women" is quite unkind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 LOL That's pretty standard for some of our family. The kids love it. It's not always easy, but the memories are good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 If you knew my SIL and how their kids can be completely disrespectful of others property, demanding, rude, etc. you would know why I'm not jumping for joy to have my house taken over for a week. And feeding an additional 6 people for a week isn't exactly non-impacting on our own budget. Glad all of you judgmental women are so much better women than me. Hope that gives you a high and mighty feeling. Well, I'm not judging you. :grouphug: But really, it's OK to say no. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everything you have posted indicates that you want to say no, so just do it. Email her with your regrets about how you're sorry you won't be able to see them this time around, and you hope you'll be able to see them next year. And then forget about it. You can do it. And just think of how happy and relieved you will feel after you click the Send button on that email. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 You sleep with your dc and give them your room, all of them. That leaves the house open. Do you get to be responsible all day for all the kids too? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 "We'd love to have you spend a few nights with us when you're in town. We can't do the whole week, but I'm sure we can find room for an air mattress for a couple nights. I can't wait to see you and the kids!" This sounds like the perfect compromise. I would not do more than a couple of nights with 6 people in the living room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I think sometimes our desire for peace, quite, order, while over all a good thing, can sometimes make us not willing to do the better thing. Six people on my floor for a week would make me barking mad. No questions. I would need pharmaceutical support! But I would encourage you to value the long term relationship over your short term comfort. Maybe you have to put all the kids into the kid bedrooms. Or maybe move your kids in your room and squeeze some of the visitors into their rooms. Whatever. But long term, the relationship you have with your extended family is more important that your comfort for one week. I would figure it out - but making them feel entirely unwelcome would violate my ideals about family and hospitality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Do they really have to stay with you the entire week? What about the relative with the graduate, shouldn't they have some hosting duties? Never mind - if I read the entire thread I will probably see you have already answered these. So on to the more crucial question: do you have a good plan for getting all the blood out of the living room carpet after you go ballistic on this crew?!!! JK. Sort of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anmom Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 For a weekend, yes. A week, no. If you do say yes, I would ask that they pay for all their food, toilet paper etc. I would also ask that they pay a portion towards electricity and water usage. WOW! I guess I am the oddball here, becuase I find that a bit rude for family. Now, I will say if it was someone I didnt particuarly get along with I wouldnt do it, and maybe that is the case. But, if it was family from out of town that we didnt get to see very often, I would do whatever I could to help them out so they can stay for a visit. Even if that did make for a cramped house. I can always escape to my bedroom if I need a break! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 This would hinge entirely on how pleasant they were, how well parented, what good sports they are, the weather outside, and how my kids got on with chaos and also their kids. If it were my family in decent weather, it would be okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I have to say that I would :) I'd just move furniture and pop up their "room" for them. I'd actually probably move my kids around if I had more than one room for them.... and then the kids would have one big sleepover and the parents the other room. Then I'd plan on activities outside the house to get everyone some of their own time. Of course, I'm just all about family... and getting together. Regretfully, I don't get to see extended family much :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 If you knew my SIL and how their kids can be completely disrespectful of others property, demanding, rude, etc. you would know why I'm not jumping for joy to have my house taken over for a week. And feeding an additional 6 people for a week isn't exactly non-impacting on our own budget. Glad all of you judgmental women are so much better women than me. Hope that gives you a high and mighty feeling. If you had no guest room available, would you be okay with this? My SIL wrote me a letter basically stating that they cannot (or will not) pay to stay in a motel for a week. So, either we put up the family of 6 in our living room for a week or they will not visit us, just go to her relative's graduation and then leave (they are out of state). My mother already lives with us, thus the reason for no spare room and cramped quarters in our home. She writes that she grew up doing this all the time with her grandparents and last year at her sister's wedding they camped out on the floor of the living room with full blessing. I love my bro, and I tolerate my SIL. I love my nieces and nephews, but the thought of them staying in my home for a week is.....:ack2: How would you feel? Would you just do it? Other thoughts? Wow, really! You asked if people would be okay with this....what they felt about it....and their thoughts. Then after people give up their free time, to offer you ideas and answer your questions....you come back with this!!! What a way to slap a few people in the face for being kind to you and helping you think through a situation. Next time, if you only want people to agree with you....then SAY that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ssavings Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 If you knew my SIL and how their kids can be completely disrespectful of others property, demanding, rude, etc. you would know why I'm not jumping for joy to have my house taken over for a week. And feeding an additional 6 people for a week isn't exactly non-impacting on our own budget. Glad all of you judgmental women are so much better women than me. Hope that gives you a high and mighty feeling. :grouphug: I don't blame you for not being delighted about this. And I think it's wonderful of you to be willing to do it for your kids and MIL, even though it's not enjoyable for you. And if you do let them, I think you should ask them to pay for food, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Wow, really! You asked if people would be okay with this....what they felt about it....and their thoughts. Then after people give up their free time, to offer you ideas and answer your questions....you come back with this!!! What a way to slap a few people in the face for being kind to you and helping you think through a situation. Next time, if you only want people to agree with you....then SAY that! I just finished the thread. I get now that you have a difficult family, althought that wasn't clear in the OP. I was reading as a person who has hosted family on air matresses, and doubled-up/ tripled- up etc kids in rooms blah blah. They love it. My SIL has hosted nearly 20 people at a time for family events. We all pitch in and help. We're a very close and helpful family (even as we sometimes disagree. ;)) . We wouldn't think of not keeping things tidy or not offerring to pick items up from the market. Everyone bumps into each other in the kitchen during meal prep. :) Those are good times. I think I understand those who would find this difficlut, and noone wants to host mean people, but when I read the OP, I thought about my postitive family experiences. I get that many don't have those. Every family has their own particular dynamics and none of us can quite know the deal. Edited April 17, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Well, if it were my family, definitely yes. When DD was a baby we had 13 people here one night - my house is 1000 sqft, 3 bed, 1 bath. No doors on the main floor (kitchen, dining room, living room). DW, me and DD slept in our room, two people slept in DD's tiny room (air mattress on the floor), two people in the spare room, two in the living room, and four in the dining room. I'd do it again, no question, even though we have two more people here now. :-D. HOWEVER, no one in my family would ever DREAM of not contributing to the work or expense of hosting a crowd. People brought so much food that we ate off the leftovers for a week after everyone left (casseroles mostly). Everyone was careful to be respectful of the others. Parents took care of their own kids and made sure they didn't create problems. People who slept in the living room just didn't have the choice to sleep in, or if they really wanted to they could relocate to the beds that had been vacated. Showers were short and had to be spaced out, so if you didn't get to shower until noon, such was life. Everyone helped cook. Anyone who was not cooking was immediately kicked out of the kitchen (which is small). If we ran out of anything someone went to buy more (and paid for it). Everyone just kind of pitches in and it works. This sort of thing is normal in my family, and it would be pretty weird for me to get a hotel. I'm quite introverted, but I also grew up with these situations so I guess I just manage. I take walks alone sometimes when everyone is together or just go for a drive and sit for awhile. It is a little stressful, but I also look forward to it because I really do adore my family. Most of them would have a hard time affording a hotel, and it's nice to all be together. If my family were rude and taking advantage a lot, I'd be singing a different tune. All families are different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 If you knew my SIL and how their kids can be completely disrespectful of others property, demanding, rude, etc. you would know why I'm not jumping for joy to have my house taken over for a week. And feeding an additional 6 people for a week isn't exactly non-impacting on our own budget. Glad all of you judgmental women are so much better women than me. Hope that gives you a high and mighty feeling. Wow, um... ok... You asked what we would do. You also didn't mention that your SIL and her kids were really awful. Or that when you said "what would you do?", you really meant "please give me reasons why I don't have to do this." It's your house, your family, your choice. Don't ask for opinions if you don't want them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerbread Mama Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I just finished the thread. I am left wondering why the OP even asked. I get now that you dislike your family, but that wasn't clear in the OP. I was reading as a person who has hosted family on air matresses and doubled-up/ tripled- up etc kids in rooms blah blah. They love it. My SIL has hosted nearly 20 people at a time for family events. We all pitched in and helped. We're a very close and helpful family. We wouldn't think of not keeping things tidy or not offerring to pick items up from the market. Everyone bumps into each other in the kitchen during meal prep. :) Those are good times. But......you have to understand that the OP has clarified that her SIL is NOT helpful. In fact, she is a rotten houseguest, as well as host. She also stated that the children aren't well controlled, that it isn't a valid option for her to put her children with those children due to her own children not handling sleepover situations well. It sounds like you and your family are good house guests AND that this is a norm for you..it doesn't appear to be for the OP, as it isn't for me and many others here. I think she just feels that some of the respsonses came across as "Why would you NOT, you aren't being good family" vs "Yes, we would but only because it works in our situation". ETA - and I realize that you addressed the disparity in your situation and the OP's. OP, you really need to call/email/text your brother and see how much he knows about all this if you haven't yet. *I* personally, think he should have been the one to broach it with you from the start "Hey sis, DW's sister is graduating soon. You know, they don't have room for us all and we can't afford a hotel. Since we live so far from everyone, we'd love to try to spend some time with you guys, too. Could we maybe spend X days at your house?" This would have come across far better *to me* than an inlaw saying "if you don't do this, it's your fault our kids will do 4 days in a car." Edited April 17, 2012 by Gingerbread Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 You sleep with your dc and give them your room, all of them. That leaves the house open. Do you get to be responsible all day for all the kids too? :D My dh has family in Europe, and when we have visited, they give us their master bedroom. At first it bothered me terribly, but I now I understand that is how they do it. It makes sense. They give up one room, but have the rest of the house to themselves. I make sure to keep all of our junk in the master bedroom. The rest of the house seems untouched by visitors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 "I'm sorry, but that won't work for us." Really, that's all you have to say. Actually, when I first read this, it was from the position of one who also has difficult family relationships. There's no way on earth we could do this. No one would live through it, LOL!! So I completely get where you're coming from. Other families either genuinely like their relatives, or feel obligated to host regardless. We don't. And I wouldn't host them as requested because I would go bonkers. So let me ask you this... it's either a full WEEK at your house, with no possibility of staying anywhere else, or else they don't even stay one night? That sounds... odd. Sorry you have been put in this situation. I agree, it would have been very different had your brother said, "Hey, can we crash with you for a night or two? We're coming to town for Suzy's graduation, and we'd love to spend time with you guys while we're there." A week is a lot to ask for, no matter who you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I just finished the thread. I get now that you have a difficult family, althought that wasn't clear in the OP. I was reading as a person who has hosted family on air matresses, and doubled-up/ tripled- up etc kids in rooms blah blah. They love it. My SIL has hosted nearly 20 people at a time for family events. We all pitch in and help. We're a very close and helpful family (even as we sometimes disagree. ;)) . We wouldn't think of not keeping things tidy or not offerring to pick items up from the market. Everyone bumps into each other in the kitchen during meal prep. :) Those are good times. I think I understand those who would find this difficlut, and noone wants to host mean people, but when I read the OP, I thought about my postitive family experiences. I get that many don't have those. Every family has their own particular dynamics and none of us can quite know the deal. ?? did you mean to quote me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 My oldest is only 7, and she wakes up scared at night frequently. Their oldest is only 9. I don't think it would work without adult supervision. I will likely let them pile in the living room and plaster a smile on my face and hope my irritation is not readily apparent. I have been backed into a corner. My mom wants to see her son and grandkids. My kids want to see their cousins. :001_unsure: Why don't YOU go camping? A whole week planning by flashlight in a nice tent. ;) Mom can visit for 3 days. They don't need a whole week. BTW, you SIL may not be thrilled about visiting, she may be miffed your brother doesn't earn enough to put them in a motel, and she might be irate he leaves it to her to do the dirty work of arranging this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 ?? did you mean to quote me? Did I? I don't want to search. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 BTW, you SIL may not be thrilled about visiting, she may be miffed your brother doesn't earn enough to put them in a motel, and she might be irate he leaves it to her to do the dirty work of arranging this. Maybe she was intentionally kind of rude about it, in the desperate hope that you'll say no. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 But......you have to understand that the OP has clarified that her SIL is NOT helpful. In fact, she is a rotten houseguest, as well as host. She also stated that the children aren't well controlled, that it isn't a valid option for her to put her children with those children due to her own children not handling sleepover situations well. It sounds like you and your family are good house guests AND that this is a norm for you..it doesn't appear to be for the OP, as it isn't for me and many others here. I think she just feels that some of the respsonses came across as "Why would you NOT, you aren't being good family" vs "Yes, we would but only because it works in our situation". ETA - and I realize that you addressed the disparity in your situation and the OP's. OP, you really need to call/email/text your brother and see how much he knows about all this if you haven't yet. *I* personally, think he should have been the one to broach it with you from the start "Hey sis, DW's sister is graduating soon. You know, they don't have room for us all and we can't afford a hotel. Since we live so far from everyone, we'd love to try to spend some time with you guys, too. Could we maybe spend X days at your house?" This would have come across far better *to me* than an inlaw saying "if you don't do this, it's your fault our kids will do 4 days in a car." It did take me a bit to read through the whole thread. :) I do admit that I am a family person and I can take a lot. I really don't care if people are 'helpful'. I want my kids to have memories. It's not a huge deal to me to feed folks for a few days. It's all about soups, stews, salads, and scrambled eggs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I think a conversation with the brother is in order. And honestly, I don't know why she should feel at all obligated to agree to host an entire family for anything more than an afternoon visit. Personally, I would never kick my ds out of his room so someone else could stay in it. His room belongs to him. Realistically, it sounds like the visit will be a nightmare. The OP finds the SIL to be annoying, and the kids aren't exactly saints, either. She and her family will have no private space away from this family, which means their entire lives will be disrupted -- bedtimes, mealtimes, and any kind of relaxation time will all be impacted. And what about when the other family wants to watch something on TV that the OP disapproves of, and what about when her own kids want to watch their favorite shows... but the other family's kids don't like them, or the whole family is still asleep on the sofa? Sorry, but I can't imagine that this would be a good idea, and I think she should call her brother and tell him exactly what she has told us. The SIL is using the OP's house for free room and board, so she can attend an event for her own sister (who clearly has enough courage to say no to the idea of 6 people camping out in her living room.) We also need to remember that this will be expensive for the OP. She has said that she doesn't think the SIL will offer to help with any of the costs of meals, etc., and feeding 6 people 3 meals a day plus snacks and drinks is going to add up. And one last thing -- if the SIL really wanted to see the OP and her family, but couldn't afford to stay in a hotel during the visit, why didn't she simply invite them to visit her at her own home instead of making a two-day trip? (And hey, they could camp out in her living room!) Oh... yeah... because she's not really making the trip to visit the OP; she wants to attend her sister's special event, but is too cheap to pay for a hotel. :glare: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 "I'm sorry, but that won't work for us." Really, that's all you have to say. Actually, when I first read this, it was from the position of one who also has difficult family relationships. There's no way on earth we could do this. No one would live through it, LOL!! So I completely get where you're coming from. Other families either genuinely like their relatives, or feel obligated to host regardless. We don't. And I wouldn't host them as requested because I would go bonkers. So let me ask you this... it's either a full WEEK at your house, with no possibility of staying anywhere else, or else they don't even stay one night? That sounds... odd. Sorry you have been put in this situation. I agree, it would have been very different had your brother said, "Hey, can we crash with you for a night or two? We're coming to town for Suzy's graduation, and we'd love to spend time with you guys while we're there." A week is a lot to ask for, no matter who you are. :iagree: all around. I would not put myself in that situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 :iagree: And in fact, my family knows how many my house can accommodate (19 in a 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath :D ), and we've continuously pushed that amount larger and larger as the families have grown. It is assumed that we put each other up where ever we can. I'd probably be hurt if my brother and his family came to town and stayed in a hotel. I know he'd be hurt, and his house is smaller than ours. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 If you had no guest room available, would you be okay with this? My SIL wrote me a letter basically stating that they cannot (or will not) pay to stay in a motel for a week. So, either we put up the family of 6 in our living room for a week or they will not visit us, just go to her relative's graduation and then leave (they are out of state). My mother already lives with us, thus the reason for no spare room and cramped quarters in our home. She writes that she grew up doing this all the time with her grandparents and last year at her sister's wedding they camped out on the floor of the living room with full blessing. I love my bro, and I tolerate my SIL. I love my nieces and nephews, but the thought of them staying in my home for a week is.....:ack2: How would you feel? Would you just do it? Other thoughts? Perfectly normal for my family. We do this type of thing all the time. We wouldn't even think of looking at it as a problem at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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