It takes a special kind of person to homeschool.

[Wabi Sabi]

First, let it be known that I'm a pretty tough-skinned kind of gal and that I don't offend easily. With that being said, I had an encounter with another parent last night that just left me feeling "off:"

 

At soccer practice I ran into a group of other moms from the private school that my ds attended for the last three years. They were sitting around chatting about their vacations homes, upcoming travel plans, etc. One of the women asked me how homeschooling was going and I responded that this year had gone much better than I had hoped so we're going to continue for at least another year (we're taking it on a year by year basis right now.) I further explained that I'm glad it's working out so well because I don't feel as though I have much of a choice anyhow: private school is just not financially possible for us anymore and the public school for which we are zoned is very sub-par and underperforming.

 

One of the more uppity moms looked at me and said in a very cool tone, "Well, it takes a special person to homeschool." It wasn't said in a kind manner at all, she was quite condescending and I couldn't help but get the impression that she was talking down to me.

 

It feels silly typing it out now and like I said, I'm really not a person who is easily offended at all. But, there was just something that I can't articulate very well about HOW this woman spoke to me that really got under my skin. Really, the woman was just a snobby you-know-what and continued to be very rude to me until practice was over.

 

Can anyone else relate to being on the receiving end of veiled, snooty comments?

Edited April 10, 2012 by Wabi Sabi

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, I can relate. I'm sorry that you were treated that way.

[SailorMom]

Yeah - I've had that happen about many things...

And it is so hard to get someone else to understand what happened!

It's a "had to be there" type of situation.

Don't let it get to you :)

:grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: It does take a special kind of person to homeschool. One who can handle hard work and is patient and puts the good of other people ahead of her own wants. Don't worry about that witch's comment at all.

[Education Explorers]

Yes, us little ole "special" people who spend our time with our children rather than at the spa. Special enough to want what is best for our children, rather than what is "convenient." Poor homeschool mom who doesn't have a brand new tennis bracelet to show off at "the club" between her tennis lessons.

 

We all (unfortunately) know snobby b*tches who are so shallow that they only way they can feel better about their pathetic lives is to put someone else down.

 

I have to admit I derive a little too much pleasure from insulting nasty people in such a way that they are not sure if I insulted them. It is a flaw I can live with.. :lol:

 

Maybe having a reply ready for folks like her to the effect that she is so right, it would be ever so much more convenient for your social life to leave the schooling to someone else. But alas, you just care too much that your children receive only the best.

[txmom23]

If I would have thought of it at the time (it's always easier to think of these things afterwards) I would have said, "Yes, you are right, I'm glad I'm that special person." :tongue_smilie:

 

Eh...you know she isn't worth it. ;)

 

:iagree:

[Wolfmeis]

Yes, us little ole "special" people who spend our time with our children rather than at the spa. Special enough to want what is best for our children, rather than what is "convenient." Poor homeschool mom who doesn't have a brand new tennis bracelet to show off at "the club" between her tennis lessons.

 

We all (unfortunately) know snobby b*tches who are so shallow that they only way they can feel better about their pathetic lives is to put someone else down.

 

I have to admit I derive a little too much pleasure from insulting nasty people in such a way that they are not sure if I insulted them. It is a flaw I can live with.. :lol:

 

Maybe having a reply ready for folks like her to the effect that she is so right, it would be ever so much more convenient for your social life to leave the schooling to someone else. But alas, you just care too much that your children receive only the best.

 

This is so accurate for me. Most of the time I am around nice people who freely admit that they don't even want to try to spend that much time with their kids. Others, like your nastykins, are so competitive that they think you're actually trying to one-up them in some fashion. Since you're obvs WINNING in that arena, it's time for the claws to come out.

[joannqn]

Obviously, she's not very special.

[Dolphin]

Funny, I was just talking with my counselor about this at yesterdays appointment. (So, any advice here is come from the patient side:D)

 

At least once a month I get a veiled comment. I am so looking forward to the summer when I can walk around and not be asked why my kids are not in school. Homeschooling is not a popular choice where I live.

 

So here is what she had me do that already has me feeling better.

Write a list of everything positive about homeschooling. Not just for your kids, but for you. I had things like

time for a second cup of coffee while still in my PJ's

not being on someone else's schedule

seeing the joy in my children's eyes when they learn something new

this board

looking at curriculum

it went on and on

 

now write a list of the negatives

whining

grading

having to high an expectation of what I can do

the veiled negative comments

 

that was it. So next time I hear one of those horrible comments I am going to tell myself matter of factly, "This is one of the negative things that I have to put up with for the joys of homeschooling my kids." and try to brush it off, move on and remind myself of the pro list.

 

I have yet to try it, like I said this was yesterdays appointment, but it makes sense. Next time I get a snotty comment I am going to picture that look on my kid's faces when they look up at me when I have taught them something new. I would take 10 snotty comments a day to get those looks:001_smile:

[Jen in PA]

:grouphug: She sounds like she would have had a nasty comment even if you had opted for the public school.

[KirstenH]

I feel sorry for her. It really, really sucks when the only thing you have going for you is an external factor like money. It's really bad for the self-esteem. She's lashing out because she's miserable.

[delaney]

Yes, us little ole "special" people who spend our time with our children rather than at the spa. Special enough to want what is best for our children, rather than what is "convenient." Poor homeschool mom who doesn't have a brand new tennis bracelet to show off at "the club" between her tennis lessons.

 

We all (unfortunately) know snobby b*tches who are so shallow that they only way they can feel better about their pathetic lives is to put someone else down.

 

I have to admit I derive a little too much pleasure from insulting nasty people in such a way that they are not sure if I insulted them. It is a flaw I can live with.. :lol:

 

Maybe having a reply ready for folks like her to the effect that she is so right, it would be ever so much more convenient for your social life to leave the schooling to someone else. But alas, you just care too much that your children receive only the best.

Oh my! How did you get into my head????:tongue_smilie: My feelings are the same. If you don't want to homeschool your kids then don't. Just don't give the usual lame list of reasons why you "can't". "I would kill her" seems to be the most common one. So you are saying that you really can't be around your own child 7 days per week? That is the saddest thing I have ever heard. Trust me, there are says when if I was armed they would be in serious trouble......but then I visit the Hive and you all remind me of what and why. ;)

[momma aimee]

First, let it be known that I'm a pretty tough-skinned kind of gal and that I don't offend easily. With that being said, I had an encounter with another parent last night that just left me feeling "off:"

 

At soccer practice I ran into a group of other moms from the private school that my ds attended for the last three years. They were sitting around chatting about their vacations homes, upcoming travel plans, etc. One of the women asked me how homeschooling was going and I responded that this year had gone much better than I had hoped so we're going to continue for at least another year (we're taking it on a year by year basis right now.) I further explained that I'm glad it's working out so well because I don't feel as though I have much of a choice anyhow: private school is just not financially possible for us anymore and the public school for which we are zoned is very sub-par and underperforming.

 

One of the more uppity moms looked at me and said in a very cool tone, "Well, it takes a special person to homeschool." It wasn't said in a kind manner at all, she was quite condescending and I couldn't help but get the impression that she was talking down to me.

 

It feels silly typing it out now and like I said, I'm really not a person who is easily offended at all. But, there was just something that I can't articulate very well about HOW this woman spoke to me that really got under my skin. Really, the woman was just a snobby you-know-what and continued to be very rude to me until practice was over.

 

Can anyone else relate to being on the receiving end of veiled, snooty comments?

 

i hate snooty people.

 

but, come on, it takes a special person to home school and some how she thinks she is better because she write a check each month for some place to send her kid 9 hours a day???

 

and she wants to act like the better parent because she shipps her kid off --- **roll eyes*** what PITA --

[Lisbeth]

Ick, ick ick! I'm sorry. My children used to attend private school. We pulled them out for NON financial reasons. I just felt we could do a better job, even though the school was highly rated. I have become very ANTI school as an institution. I look a certain way and people ASSUME I'm 'one of them' and say snotty things about OTHER people. Like this: "Well, YOU obviously can homeschool, and do a good job but MOST people shouldn't." (as they are eyeing someone poor or considered "weird.") It just rubs me the wrong way, by A LOT. I have had this problem my whole life. I always feel out of touch. I look younger than my age, and was always thin (not by choice, I wanted to beef up and not be a reed.) Dieters think I'm one of them, people my age talk down to me, and being blond has its own challenges (we're all stupid, right?). I also look ultra normal, and ((clearing throat)), I am pretty eccentric (Aspie). LOL. My husband makes a certain amount and that makes people feel they can put down other people TO ME, as if I agree. I grew up dirt poor. I hated that attitude then and hate it now. I am an introvert and a bookworm. People constantly mistake me for what I am NOT.

 

ICK! I cooly say to my "friends" about homeschooling that actually, despite wealth or education level, homeschooled children tend to way outscore public and private kids, and isn't that just wonderful? Sweet voice included.

 

That usually causes a change in the topic. ;)

Edited April 10, 2012 by Lisbeth

[Zebra]

I have totally btdt!

 

And if you don't want to homeschool your kids, here's a newsflash, I DON'T CARE!!!!! :lol: I am not leading the "everyone homeschool!!!" parade!!! Trust me ;)!

[I talk to the trees]

Snarky comment: It takes a special kind of person to homeschool.

 

Reply: Oh, Thank you! You know, some people just don't understand how much time and effort it really takes to homeschool. I'm so glad to find someone who supports my efforts instead of being nasty and negative!

 

What's she going to say to that? "Oh, I was trying to be nasty and negative." I don't think so......:tongue_smilie:

[Belacqua]

:grouphug: She sounds like she would have had a nasty comment even if you had opted for the public school.

 

I agree entirely. Something tells me what she meant was, "It takes a special person not to have a second house, a boat, and annual ski trips to Europe. However do you get out of bed in the morning?" Homeschooling was just a handy emblem.

[SonshineLearner]

It does take a special type of person. I think this every time I drive by a school where I could drop off my *very* active child! I think/dream of spa days... etc... Or even just a job where I could "clock in and out of" :) Until my child would profit from going, I'm special :)

[eternalknot]

Agreeing that the veiled comments are the worst! It's hard when the tone reads deeper than the words. The words can be shrugged off; it's the tone and faux syrup-y sweetness that takes us off-guard, isn't it?

 

I get a lot of them that feel like verbal pats to my head "oh, isn't she adorable with her little homeschooling thing" as though one day (when I'm their age) I'll be much wiser and less idealistic and (presumably) naive. I'm a good 10-15 years younger than the other parents in my area, so even the nice ones feel free to comment -to me- on my choices. The passive-aggressive, competitive ones become kind of fun after awhile, once you figure out how to verbally disarm them. And it's immature, sure, but so very cathartic - like a cat batting around a mouse. No intent to kill, just to play with for awhile :D

 

At least you know it's her, not you.

Edited April 10, 2012 by eternalknot

[Word Nerd]

Can anyone else relate to being on the receiving end of veiled, snooty comments?

 

Yes. I just got a condescending comment about homeschooling yesterday from a childless, single know-it-all—and we aren't even currently homeschooling!

[LAS in LA]

I always feel out of touch. I look younger than my age, and was always thin (not by choice, I wanted to beef up and not be a reed.) Dieters think I'm one of them, people my age talk down to me, and being blond has its own challenges (we're all stupid, right?). I also look ultra normal, and ((clearing throat)), I am pretty eccentric (Aspie). LOL. My husband makes a certain amount and that makes people feel they can put down other people TO ME, as if I agree. I grew up dirt poor. I hated that attitude then and hate it now. I am an introvert and a bookworm. People constantly mistake me for what I am.

 

 

 

I like you. :001_smile:

[HeatherM2]

I had a lady I had just met tell me I looked like a homeschooler and she wasn't being kind. My friend had invited me to go on a weekend trip with her church group. I debated on what to wear because I didn't want to be the only one wearing pants. It was cold outside and I knew we would be walking a lot so I decided on a jean skirt, nice blouse, and comfortable shoes. Evidently that made me look like a homeschooler in her eyes and by her tone she was less than impressed. Some people are just rude. :glare:

[Stacy in NJ]

literally. Say, "Thank you. Yes, it does take a special kind of person. I'm just very fortuante."

 

This leaves the other person wondering if you "got it". Fun stuff. :D

 

Next time answer: "Yes, it does! And I'm so glad that I can!' Said in your chirpiest voice!

[Happy2BaMom]

Say in a super-soft voice "yes, it does take a special person. But it also results in a super special relationship with one's children. And I wouldn't trade that for all the money in the world."

 

Then smile gently and pass the bean dip.

[JessReplanted]

Obviously, she's not very special.

 

 

:iagree: :lol:

 

 

I've gotten quite a few comments like that. It's so funny to watch people react when they discover that I'm a "homeschooling pastor's wife". ;)

 

Most of the time, I just play up the crazy factor.

I would've said something like, "Yes, it certainly does."

[Lisbeth]

I like you. :001_smile:

 

;) Ditto. And I meant to write "what I am not." I am a little senile, too.

[Parker Martin]

Don't let it make you feel bad. There's nothing wrong with you.

 

Imagine what being inside her mind is like and what her social circles are like that she felt compelled to comment in that way.

 

I would pray that her heart might be softened and that she might find her way to real joy.

[Teachin'Mine]

Yes it does take a special person. Thankfully for your kids, you can afford the private school. :D I'm bad. :tongue_smilie:

[inmyopinion]

Really great come backs from everyone. . . or you could just drop kick her! Not as witty, but probably satisfying!

 

 

(Yes, I know it is not nice, but sometimes, don't you just want to do it!)

[Remudamom]

Gah. I probably would have replied "No, not really special, just someone who isn't completely self centered."

[Mommy22alyns]

Yes it does take a special person. Thankfully for your kids' date=' you can afford the private school. :D I'm bad. :tongue_smilie:[/quote']

 

 

:smilielol5: I wish I could think this fast on my feet!

[houseofkids&pets]

:iagree:I, too, am one of those people who can come up with something great to say in response...about 3 hours later:D. She sounds like a nasty person who is trying to make herself feel better about her choices by criticizing you. BTW, when it comes to all the financial stuff, one thing we have discussed with dc is that we really want our family to focus on values and not valuables.

[Education Explorers]

At soccer practice I ran into a group of other moms from the private school that my ds attended for the last three years. They were sitting around chatting about their vacations homes, upcoming travel plans, etc. One of the women asked me how homeschooling was going and I responded that this year had gone much better than I had hoped so we're going to continue for at least another year (we're taking it on a year by year basis right now.) I further explained that I'm glad it's working out so well because I don't feel as though I have much of a choice anyhow: private school is just not financially possible for us anymore and the public school for which we are zoned is very sub-par and underperforming.

 

One of the more uppity moms looked at me and said in a very cool tone, "Well, it takes a special person to homeschool." It wasn't said in a kind manner at all, she was quite condescending and I couldn't help but get the impression that she was talking down to me.

 

Can anyone else relate to being on the receiving end of veiled, snooty comments?

 

Your situation is quite similar to ours. We just pulled the kids out of private school to homeschool and are also taking it one year at a time. I am really shocked by how well it has gone and how much we love it. We are committed to HS next year-- yes even for MS. Somehow people find this shocking. Like my teaching 6th grade will scar her for the rest of her life. What do people think happens in MS? Anyone think that the nasty, cruel behavior that goes on in MS won't affect a child? Like that isn't worse than any potential damage I could cause by choosing a bad grammar program... Please!

 

People from their old school ask how the HS is going. Some are waiting to see if we "failed" (and some are sadistically hoping we did) and will be returning to the school while others seem to genuinely care about us. Either way, I always feel compelled to say how much we still love the school and recommend it to others, but that it just was no longer a good fit for our family. Mostly that is true, but sometimes it is just so that they don't see me as a "threat" to what they like.

 

 

Gah. I probably would have replied "No, not really special, just someone who isn't completely self centered."

 

I just love this! It made me laugh! It is quite a response. One I probably would never have the guts to say to someone I knew and would likely see again in another situation. But, I love the gumption.

 

I would pray that her heart might be softened and that she might find her way to real joy.

 

Wow! This is such a kind thought. I am no where near this nice! Never been much of a "high road" taker--I am almost always going to take the road of sarcasm. Hopefully it is part of my charm. :lol:

[jamajo]

Gah. I probably would have replied "No, not really special, just someone who isn't completely self centered."

 

 

I REALLLY like this one!

[fraidycat]

Yes it does take a special person. Thankfully for your kids' date=' you can afford the private school. :D I'm bad. :tongue_smilie:[/quote']

 

Ha! I love this, and the one about not being self-centered. A combination of the two would be superb and leave her looking like a complete @$$ in front of her little clique.

 

Yes, it does take a very special person, one who is not completely self-centered. Thank you for supporting me in my efforts, and thankfully for your kids, you can afford the private school.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Yes, I can relate. I'm sorry that you were treated that way.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

:smilielol5: I wish I could think this fast on my feet!

 

I wish I could too. :tongue_smilie::lol:

 

IRL when this happens, I just come off as the complete idiot they assume me to be. :tongue_smilie:

[rhrice3]

I would have said, "Yes, it takes a special person to homeschool - one that praises God ever day for her children and intends on teaching them and raising them in His glory - and haves fun doing it!"

 

ReneeR