So disappointed....at a loss re what I should do

[Diane in CO]

I just received a phone call from a friend that my almost 11 yo son brought over the movie Alien to a sleepover with a group of his friends.:confused:

 

I am so disappointed and embarrassed. We have allowed PG and an occassional PG-13 movie, but don't allow him to watch any rated R movies.

 

Apparently they watched the part of the movie where the alien pops of out the stomach and then didn't watch any more (about 20 minutes of the movie).

 

My DH and I are at a loss at what we should do. I am especially at a loss as I checked his backpack before we left to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything and did NOT see this movie in the backpack....which means that he hid it someplace else so that I wouldn't see it. :glare:

 

As of now we are taking away his IPOD and he is not allowed to watch any movies or attend any sleepovers in the future. We are also thinking about having him call and apologize to his friends and to the parents of his friends.

 

Any thoughts, ideas, BTDT suggestions?

 

Ugh, this parenting thing is hard!

 

Diane

[AuntieM]

What did your son have to say about it? Did he seem truly repentant? My response would depend greatly on the attitude of the child.

 

One thing I would require is a hand written letter or phone call of apology to the hostess for putting her in a bad position with the other guests.

[Cindyg]

I can't help being curious where he got it. ??

[Jean in Newcastle]

Where did he get the movie? And how did he know about that scene (since going directly to that part makes me think that he had seen it before). I would try and separate out the embarrassment part and focus on the deceit involved. As to calling friends and apologizing, I personally would think long and hard about this. If some of the friends have more lax standards they are not going to know how to handle such an apology. But friends with similar standards or stricter, may appreciate it.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Is still at the sleepover? I would have been en route to retrieve him shortly after hanging up the phone. There would be serious loss of privileges and extra chores here, not to mention some heavy discussion.

[astrid]

 

As of now we are taking away his IPOD and he is not allowed to watch any movies or attend any sleepovers in the future.

 

Forever? No movies or sleepovers forever, or for a finite amount of time? It might be tough to enforce the "no movies in the future" consequence.

 

astrid

[Starr]

Sneaking is a problem but this isn't the end of the world says the mom of older teens. The other mom should have checked what they were watching as well. Discipline according to what matters most to you but not because you're embarrassed. He was trying to act cool, it didn't work. It was good for all the kids to decide how much peer pressure they were willing to stand. Not that we want our kid to be the one to dish it out. I'm sorry.

[Cindyg]

Sorry. Double post. (First time that has happened. Weird.)

[Sophia]

Sneaking is a problem but this isn't the end of the world says the mom of older teens. The other mom should have checked what they were watching as well. Discipline according to what matters most to you but not because you're embarrassed. He was trying to act cool, it didn't work. It was good for all the kids to decide how much peer pressure they were willing to stand. Not that we want our kid to be the one to dish it out. I'm sorry.

 

:iagree:

Calling other parents to apologize is a good logical consequence that shows him he is going to be held accountable (by you) for his actions, and hopefully will make him think twice about being sneaky in the future.

We would be adding some heart to heart discussions about trust and honor and building his reputation as a trustworthy individual. Strengthening your relationship is more effective than being grounded from movies, ipods and sleepovers.

Just my two cents from someone who's btdt ;).

[Unicorn.]

 

As of now we are taking away his IPOD and he is not allowed to watch any movies or attend any sleepovers in the future. We are also thinking about having him call and apologize to his friends and to the parents of his friends.

 

Any thoughts, ideas, BTDT suggestions?

 

Ugh, this parenting thing is hard!

 

Diane

 

No sleepovers in the future, ever? Seems a bit harsh. I think I would have him call the kid's parents and apologize, ground him from media for a week, have a long talk w/ him about why what he did was wrong, and call it good. I would also do a better job searching the backpack next time. (that last comment wasn't a reflection on you, just a btdt kind of thing)

[justasque]

It's a good opportunity to gently discuss oh, so many things. I like the kind of gentle discussion where you can talk through the kids' decision making process and pinpoint where he went wrong, and explore why, then discuss how it could have been handled better. Other topics would include peer pressure, trying to be one of the gang, deceit, sensitivity to others - whether others really wanted to see it (was anyone scared, etc.), why movies are rated as they are, why parents use the ratings to restrict what their kids see, temptation and how everyone gets tempted sometimes but it's how you respond to it that matters, etc. And then a discussion of how perhaps he could have asked you if he could bring it, and how that would have played out, and if you would have said no, why you would have said it, and how the other parent(s) may have felt and why. And then perhaps a discussion of needs/wants that aren't being met, since he's growing up, and how perhaps some things can be allowed now that weren't before, but that it requires trust, and being up-front with each other, etc. etc. And ideally this wouldn't be a lecture, rather it would be a guided discussion where you would kind of lead him along to work much of it out for himself - the reflecting feelings, active listening techniques are good for this.

 

Most importantly, I'd gently discuss how, when you hide something, it's usually because you know that you're doing something wrong. And that feeling, that urge to hide what you're doing, is your conscience. And deep down in your heart, you know right from wrong, and when your conscience is telling you something, it's a good idea to listen.

 

And then I'd be less likely to say yes to sleepovers for a while.

 

If he really honestly saw how what he did was wrong, and talked honestly about why he made the decision he did, and seemed to see how he could have handled it differently, and be genuinely contrite and willing to atone by apologizing or otherwise making an effort to make it right, then I would leave it at that.

 

Wouldn't be everyone's style, but this approach has worked for me so far.

[Garga]

As of now we are taking away his IPOD and he is not allowed to watch any movies or attend any sleepovers in the future. We are also thinking about having him call and apologize to his friends and to the parents of his friends.

 

 

 

That seems harsh to me, unless he has a long history of this sort of thing. I would think the embarrassment of apologizing would be good enough, and some limited grounding. Like a week up to a month or so, depending on how sorry he acts about the whole thing.

 

Why are you so upset about this? I don't think it's particularly over-the-top behavior. Kids do dumb things like that from time to time.

[Joker]

Where did he get it? I assume you had it in your home. Have you previously explained that those ratings are ok for mom/dad but not for kids? Have you explained why? I wouldn't come down too hard if it's a movie you have in your home. Did you ask him if he hid it? You still might have missed it when checking his bag just because you weren't expecting it. I would use this as an opportunity to discuss ratings and what's appropriate/inappropriate, why, and then move forward.

[amydavis]

No sleepovers in the future, ever? Seems a bit harsh. I think I would have him call the kid's parents and apologize, ground him from media for a week, have a long talk w/ him about why what he did was wrong, and call it good.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm thinking that you didn't really mean no more sleepovers or movies ever again, but just in case you did, I wanted to add that I thought that would be too harsh (and too difficult to maintain).

[kalanamak]

My son would have been so distressed by this scene, it would have been punishment enough. He would have nightmares!

 

I would have also had a chat with him about sensationalist and "obvious" movies (yeah, we knew when the guy finally thought the sound WAS the cat, it would be the monster). I'm a movie snob, and I hope he grows up to be one, too. ;)

 

Also, I'd give odds the boy had seen he could get a hold of it, and had already discussed this, sotto voce, with his pals. They were counting on him to bring it, at least I'd guess that wouldn't be out of the realm of possible.

[QueenCat]

:iagree:

Calling other parents to apologize is a good logical consequence that shows him he is going to be held accountable (by you) for his actions, and hopefully will make him think twice about being sneaky in the future.

We would be adding some heart to heart discussions about trust and honor and building his reputation as a trustworthy individual. Strengthening your relationship is more effective than being grounded from movies, ipods and sleepovers.

Just my two cents from someone who's btdt ;).

 

Wise words. I would think for a day before dishing out discipline beyond the apology. Focusing on character & future responsibility would be a priority in our home. If you choose to have consequences beyond the apology, end dates are reasonable.

[Diane in CO]

What did your son have to say about it? Did he seem truly repentant? My response would depend greatly on the attitude of the child.

 

One thing I would require is a hand written letter or phone call of apology to the hostess for putting her in a bad position with the other guests.

 

 

Just getting back from talking with DH and there are a lot of responses...thank you! I will try to respond to all but don't know how to do the multiple quotes.

 

He is repentent, but didn't admit to it even when he knew I was talking to the boy's mother (she called and he heard part of the end of the conversation so he must have known that he had been found out, but didn't admit to it until I confronted him with it). He will be writing a letter of apology to the hostess and to the other kid's parents.

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

Trying to answer some of the questions that came up.

 

DS got the movie from our home as my husband like Sci-Fi movies. He knows that these are mom and dad movies only and we have discussed the reasons for this. I don't believe he has seen this movie in the past but has probably heard about that scene from other people at school and wanted to see it for himself. It is my understanding that at least two of the boys (total of 4 boys including my son) did NOT know that he was bringing it. 1 of the boys at the party chose not to watch it.

 

Sorry for the confusion on no movies or sleepovers ever...I was a little upset when I wrote and should have clarified that it is no movies/sleepovers for the next month.

 

In regards to being harsh....I am worried about this but at the same time we have had a lot of things come up lately where he has lyed or been sneaky...I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the next thing to come up.

 

DH and I have talked about this alot and I had even read threads on lying here and we discussed how we needed to improve our relationship with DS. DH has been spending more 1 on 1 time (hiking, drawing etc.) and I have been making sure to have extra reading/cuddle time at end of night. We have had MULTIPLE talks about trustworthiness and how our actions have consequences....I just don't feel like we are getting through to him.

 

I am hoping that the consequences we have given in addition to the relational aspect will help with this.

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

It's a good opportunity to gently discuss oh, so many things. I like the kind of gentle discussion where you can talk through the kids' decision making process and pinpoint where he went wrong, and explore why, then discuss how it could have been handled better. Other topics would include peer pressure, trying to be one of the gang, deceit, sensitivity to others - whether others really wanted to see it (was anyone scared, etc.), why movies are rated as they are, why parents use the ratings to restrict what their kids see, temptation and how everyone gets tempted sometimes but it's how you respond to it that matters, etc. And then a discussion of how perhaps he could have asked you if he could bring it, and how that would have played out, and if you would have said no, why you would have said it, and how the other parent(s) may have felt and why. And then perhaps a discussion of needs/wants that aren't being met, since he's growing up, and how perhaps some things can be allowed now that weren't before, but that it requires trust, and being up-front with each other, etc. etc. And ideally this wouldn't be a lecture, rather it would be a guided discussion where you would kind of lead him along to work much of it out for himself - the reflecting feelings, active listening techniques are good for this.

 

Most importantly, I'd gently discuss how, when you hide something, it's usually because you know that you're doing something wrong. And that feeling, that urge to hide what you're doing, is your conscience. And deep down in your heart, you know right from wrong, and when your conscience is telling you something, it's a good idea to listen.

 

And then I'd be less likely to say yes to sleepovers for a while.

 

If he really honestly saw how what he did was wrong, and talked honestly about why he made the decision he did, and seemed to see how he could have handled it differently, and be genuinely contrite and willing to atone by apologizing or otherwise making an effort to make it right, then I would leave it at that.

 

Wouldn't be everyone's style, but this approach has worked for me so far.

 

 

Pauline, I wish you had been with me when I was talking with DS tonight! I tend to freak out and then calm down later...unfortunately DH seems to be the same way (aren't we supposed to balance each other out?). I need to have a calmer discussion tomorrow to discuss all of these things.

 

Tonight we had a heart to heart about trust, putting our friends in a difficult situation and that our actions have consequences that we don't always forsee (hostess son called the other two parents to apologize that the movie was shown at his sleepover)....I think this last thing really affected DS the most.

 

I appreciate your thoughts and words!

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

Sneaking is a problem but this isn't the end of the world says the mom of older teens. The other mom should have checked what they were watching as well. Discipline according to what matters most to you but not because you're embarrassed. He was trying to act cool, it didn't work. It was good for all the kids to decide how much peer pressure they were willing to stand. Not that we want our kid to be the one to dish it out. I'm sorry.

 

Yes, he was definitely trying to act cool....we moved here this past year and it has been a difficult transition for him so I do appreciate that. Thank you for your thoughts!

 

Diane

[tex-mex]

Sneaking is a problem but this isn't the end of the world says the mom of older teens. The other mom should have checked what they were watching as well. Discipline according to what matters most to you but not because you're embarrassed. He was trying to act cool, it didn't work. It was good for all the kids to decide how much peer pressure they were willing to stand. Not that we want our kid to be the one to dish it out. I'm sorry.

:iagree:

 

Where WAS the other mom during movie time?? When I have teen boys visit my 16 y.o. ds for a sleepover, you can bet the only tv is in the living room where I am sitting and watching with them. (I also make sure the modem is "off" when I go to bed and take the laptop & smartphone with me into my bedroom. ;)) Kids can be kids -- but they also can do dumb things.

 

It sounds like the OP's child was trying to look cool in front of his friends. I am more concerned as to HOW the boy got a hold of the "R" rated movie in the first place?? :confused:

Edited March 26, 2012 by tex-mex

[chepyl]

:iagree:

 

Where WAS the other mom during movie time?? When I have teen boys visit my 16 y.o. ds for a sleepover, you can bet the only tv is in the living room where I am sitting and watching with them. (I also make sure the modem is "off" when I go to bed and take the laptop & smartphone with me into my bedroom. ;)) Kids can be kids -- but they also can do dumb things.

 

It sounds like the OP's child was trying to look cool in front of his friends. I am more concerned as to HOW the boy got a hold of the "R" rated movie in the first place?? :confused:[/quote

 

Do you not own any R movies? We keep all of our movies in one place. My kids know which movies are for them and which are not. They are generally on different shelves, but get mixed up sometimes.

 

I would guess he either caught a glimpse of the movie when dad watched it one time and thought ot was cool, or a friend talked about it and he said he could get a copy of it. If you storre movies like we do, he knows what you own.

 

I think grounding for a month and apologies is a reasonable punishment. I hope you are able to work with him on not lying. :grouphug:

[ashfern]

Most importantly, I'd gently discuss how, when you hide something, it's usually because you know that you're doing something wrong. And that feeling, that urge to hide what you're doing, is your conscience. And deep down in your heart, you know right from wrong, and when your conscience is telling you something, it's a good idea to listen.

 

This is great! I have issues with my 6 yo & lying about minor things. I am going to print this out to use with her (and the rest of my kids).

 

To the OP. Hopefully your son will learn a good lesson from this. :grouphug: It's hard to be the new kid. I switched schools in 5th grade. It was hard and I was teased but I did make new friends.

[Mrs Mungo]

:iagree:

 

Where WAS the other mom during movie time?? When I have teen boys visit my 16 y.o. ds for a sleepover, you can bet the only tv is in the living room where I am sitting and watching with them. (I also make sure the modem is "off" when I go to bed and take the laptop & smartphone with me into my bedroom. ;)) Kids can be kids -- but they also can do dumb things.

 

That was my question.

 

It sounds like the OP's child was trying to look cool in front of his friends. I am more concerned as to HOW the boy got a hold of the "R" rated movie in the first place?? :confused:

 

Uh, we have plenty of rated R movies in our house. Our kids know which movies they are and are not allowed to watch.

[SailorMom]

Sneaking is a problem but this isn't the end of the world says the mom of older teens. The other mom should have checked what they were watching as well. Discipline according to what matters most to you but not because you're embarrassed. He was trying to act cool, it didn't work. It was good for all the kids to decide how much peer pressure they were willing to stand. Not that we want our kid to be the one to dish it out. I'm sorry.

 

:iagree:

 

BTW - I watched that movie way before i was 11 and I was not scarred for life :)

As another mom of older teens..... yeah - the sneaking is something that needs to be talked about but,,, honestly I think you're REALLY over reacting. Obviously there have to be consequences, but.....

and if I was the mom over there - well - I would have felt it was my fault, not yours. I've had kids bring video games and movies over here that their parents were fine with that I said, "yeah - no, not tonight...". Keep in mind - at 11 - MANY kids are allowed to watch that stuff. I know my kids were fine with watching things like that by the time they were 10.

Anyway - hang in there :grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

The only reason I stated that it sounded a bit harsh, was becuase I assumed you banned sleepovers permanantly. I think the reaction of your son's friends will go a long way toward getting your own message across to him. Kids will always test the boundaries, and kids his age are curious creatures. Don't be too hard on him, or yourself!

[Diane in CO]

:iagree:

 

Where WAS the other mom during movie time?? When I have teen boys visit my 16 y.o. ds for a sleepover, you can bet the only tv is in the living room where I am sitting and watching with them. (I also make sure the modem is "off" when I go to bed and take the laptop & smartphone with me into my bedroom. ;)) Kids can be kids -- but they also can do dumb things.

 

It sounds like the OP's child was trying to look cool in front of his friends. I am more concerned as to HOW the boy got a hold of the "R" rated movie in the first place?? :confused:

 

Other mom watched movies with them (Tin tin, part of UP) until 11:30. They turned off TV and were supposed to talk quietly and then go to sleep. She went up to bed at midnight...this happened sometime after that.

 

In regards to the where my boy got the rated r movie...we put all of our movies together on the shelf...the Rated R ones are not "hidden" or separate from the rest of the movies. They just know which ones are Ok for them and which ones are for mom and dad....apparently this needs to be revisited.

[Diane in CO]

:iagree:

 

I would guess he either caught a glimpse of the movie when dad watched it one time and thought ot was cool, or a friend talked about it and he said he could get a copy of it. If you storre movies like we do, he knows what you own.

 

I think grounding for a month and apologies is a reasonable punishment. I hope you are able to work with him on not lying. :grouphug:

 

Yes, on the first part of the quote...friends talked about it at school and evidently knew he was bringing it to the party....he knows what we own but up until this point we have not had an issue with him watching "our" movies.

 

Thank you for your kind thoughts!

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

To the OP. Hopefully your son will learn a good lesson from this. :grouphug: It's hard to be the new kid. I switched schools in 5th grade. It was hard and I was teased but I did make new friends.

 

Thank you! It has been a hard year for him. My hope is that he does learn a lesson and that we don't continue to have these issues come up as often as they do :tongue_smilie:

 

Diane

[MomatHWTK]

Something to add to your "list of things to discuss" might be the difference between being a leader and a follower. My DD was getting sucked into bad ideas by some of her playmates so we had this conversation. It seemed to empower her to know that she could take the lead in doing the right thing. :)

[SelinaKyle]

It sounds to me like he was trying to fit in with a newish social group and got caught out. Can you gently probe and find out if peer pressure was involved. I am not saying that there shouldn't be consequences but it might help to know the background.

 

Incidently you say he has been lying more recently which re-inforces to me the suspicion that more is going on his group of friends than may be apparent.

 

I could be way off here of course, you know your son best.

[Diane in CO]

I remember when my boys watched that one. It goes with the age...it won't be long before he's ready for it and the Disney Great Movie Adventure Ride.

 

One thing parents can do to build up the lad's self-confidence is to give him the resources and/or opportunities to develop his expertise in some area. Also, check the other boys - is someone trying to control the others via the "I'm cool, you're not route?" or is it a healthy friendship where he's trying to find a domain where they can respect/admire him?

 

As far as discipline - punishment was not making it thru the scary scene in front of his friends - use your normal plan. This calls for a sincere apology, an added chore, and maybe he needs to work his youth group's haunted house next fall.

 

 

Thank you, Ironically enough this slumber party was the culmination of the boys participating in the battle of the books, something we got him involved in as he is a big reader and has a mind like a steel trap for remembering details :D He is admired for his ideas and creativity but also made fun of as he is not athletic at all.

 

There is some friction between him and the hostess son...they do seem to try to "one up" each other and this may have had something to do with that.

 

He will be writing his apology letters today and seems sad about the incident.

 

Thank you for your thoughts!

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

:iagree:

 

BTW - I watched that movie way before i was 11 and I was not scarred for life :)

As another mom of older teens..... yeah - the sneaking is something that needs to be talked about but,,, honestly I think you're REALLY over reacting. Obviously there have to be consequences, but.....

and if I was the mom over there - well - I would have felt it was my fault, not yours. I've had kids bring video games and movies over here that their parents were fine with that I said, "yeah - no, not tonight...". Keep in mind - at 11 - MANY kids are allowed to watch that stuff. I know my kids were fine with watching things like that by the time they were 10.

Anyway - hang in there :grouphug:

 

 

:D Yeah I am hoping he will not be scarred for life over this! First question my husband asked was is it Alien or Aliens...evidently one is far scarier than the other and they had picked the "less scary one".

 

I probably did overreact but as this was his first sleepover with a bunch of his book battle buddies I had hoped he would have behaved better.

 

thank you for your thoughts!

 

Diane

[Diane in CO]

Something to add to your "list of things to discuss" might be the difference between being a leader and a follower. My DD was getting sucked into bad ideas by some of her playmates so we had this conversation. It seemed to empower her to know that she could take the lead in doing the right thing. :)

 

 

Yes, the hostess brought this up with her son and I will be discussing with my son as well. He is definitely a leader in some ways (artistic projects, getting groups together to make comics etc.) I just need him to use his force for the good instead of leading others "to the dark side":001_smile:

[Diane in CO]

It sounds to me like he was trying to fit in with a newish social group and got caught out. Can you gently probe and find out if peer pressure was involved. I am not saying that there shouldn't be consequences but it might help to know the background.

 

Incidently you say he has been lying more recently which re-inforces to me the suspicion that more is going on his group of friends than may be apparent.

 

I could be way off here of course, you know your son best.

 

 

I don't think direct peer pressure was involved...I think he thought he would be cool if he brought "the awesome scary movie" to the party.

 

In regards to lying I think he does it because it is "easier" in the moment to lie then get in trouble for something he did or did not do. I explain that it will only be worse when we find out later on, but that hasn't been a deterrant.

 

Thank you!

 

Diane

[Remudamom]

I can't get past being upset that he saw an alien pop out of someone's stomach. It's not real. Now a r@pe, or people having $ex? That would bother me.

[Diane in CO]

I can't get past being upset that he saw an alien pop out of someone's stomach. It's not real. Now a r@pe, or people having $ex? That would bother me.

 

Well, when you put it like that :D

 

Diane

[clarkacademy]

I can't get past being upset that he saw an alien pop out of someone's stomach. It's not real. Now a r@pe, or people having $ex? That would bother me.

 

:iagree: That movie is like 1979 I think it's kinda funny. Unlike the horror on TV today. You can't watch a movie without that stuff.

[Remudamom]

Well, when you put it like that :D

 

Diane

 

I know everyone worries about different "stuff". To me, obviously unreal sci-fi stuff isn't a concern. SOME violence isn't a concern, like in war movies. Some violence when they are young did concern me. $ex in any form was not for viewing, that's supposed to be a private thing.

 

But you can never tell what is going to set a child off. Our oldest saw the movie Congo and it scared him badly. Can't remember how old he was. And a Dennis the Menace movie made him really afraid of windows for a long time. Four years old, bad guy peeked in windows. Then one saw "Ghosts of Mars" and she freaked. I watched that not long ago and thought it boring.

 

Who knows?

[BatmansWife]

Do you not own any R movies? We keep all of our movies in one place. My kids know which movies are for them and which are not. They are generally on different shelves, but get mixed up sometimes.

 

I would guess he either caught a glimpse of the movie when dad watched it one time and thought ot was cool, or a friend talked about it and he said he could get a copy of it. If you storre movies like we do, he knows what you own.

 

I think grounding for a month and apologies is a reasonable punishment. I hope you are able to work with him on not lying. :grouphug:

 

Some people don't have R rated movies in their home. We don't. We don't rent them, borrow from the library, or go see them at the theater.

 

I will try to respond to all but don't know how to do the multiple quotes.

 

 

 

At the bottom of each post toward the right are 3 "symbols" (not sure what you call them). Click the 2nd one with quote marks (") and it turns red. Click each post you want to quote (in my case, for this post, I clicked 3) and then reply. Buuuutt.....I can see doing it your way if you want to increase your post count and become Queen Bee. :D

 

I can't get past being upset that he saw an alien pop out of someone's stomach. It's not real. Now a r@pe, or people having $ex? That would bother me.

 

:iagree:

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

what a hard lesson to learn. i'm glad the other mom called you. i'm sad she went to bed before the kids were asleep.... they're seven. maybe you're lucky that's all that happened?!

 

re R rated movies.... none here, but we do have a few movies we want to be sure to watch with our dc the first time, due to content that we think needs some discussion during/afterwards, and those are kept in our room until we've watched them together once. (eg. the great debaters).

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Diane in CO]

I know everyone worries about different him really afraid of windows for a long time. Four years old, bad guy peeked in windows. Then one saw "Ghosts of Mars" and she freaked. I watched that not long ago and thought it boring.

 

Who knows?

 

DS and I actually joked about this the other day how anything with elephants in it terrified him until he was about 5 :D He has gotten over this though and not much seems to scare him but I know one of the other boys is very sensitive so I am actually more concerned that his friend saw that scene than my son.

 

 

At the bottom of each post toward the right are 3 "symbols" (not sure what you call them). Click the 2nd one with quote marks (") and it turns red. Click each post you want to quote (in my case, for this post, I clicked 3) and then reply. Buuuutt.....I can see doing it your way if you want to increase your post count and become Queen Bee. :D

 

Thanks April May, it worked!!! Ooh, am I going to be a Queen Bee soon? Cool :D

 

:iagree:

 

:grouphug:

 

what a hard lesson to learn. i'm glad the other mom called you. i'm sad she went to bed before the kids were asleep.... they're seven. maybe you're lucky that's all that happened?!

 

re R rated movies.... none here, but we do have a few movies we want to be sure to watch with our dc the first time, due to content that we think needs some discussion during/afterwards, and those are kept in our room until we've watched them together once. (eg. the great debaters).

 

:grouphug:

ann

 

Hi Ann,

 

I was glad the other mom called as well, though as the kids are 11(sorry if I wrote they were 7 someplace else) I didn't expect her to stay up the entire time...I don't know that I could have. We also watch movies with DC the first time to discuss anything that might be a bit questionable as well, though we haven't been keeping those movies in our room...but that might be something we do from now on.

 

Thanks!

 

Diane

[BatmansWife]

Thanks April May, it worked!!! Ooh, am I going to be a Queen Bee soon? Cool :D

 

Whoa girl! Slow it down! :001_smile: You'll be a Queen Bee when you reach 750 posts. So.....pretty soon, actually. You go girl!

 

For your convenience:

 

Just Visiting for the first 10 posts

Hive Mind Larvae for 11- 40

Hive Mind Worker Bee for 41-100

Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee 101

Hive Mind Level 3 Worker: Honey Maker Bee at 161

Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee at 210

Hive Mind Level 5 worker: Forager Bee at 310

Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee at 410

Hive Mind Royal Larvae at 550

Hive Mind Queen Bee at 750

Empress Bee at 2500

Amateur Bee Keeper at 3500

Apprentice Bee Keeper at 5000

Qualified Bee Keeper at 7500

Beekeeping Professor at 10,000

 

Once you hit Queen Bee......it takes forever to advance to Empress! :001_smile:

[ma23peas]

I am a stickler, I give swift and measurable consequences, but on this...I'd go easy (in a way)...

 

Take one thing away for the week. anything. But, what will have the most impact (has with ours anyway) is you set aside time where ALL the other siblings have to go outside to play or are away in another room (CAN NOT come in the room where you and your husband are sitting with your son)...somehow making that clear makes the accused realize the depth of their actions.

At the minimum, you speak with him for 30 minutes. Loving, firm, showing disappointment but not overly. This is some of our statements we have used in the past..

1. X, Your mother and I thought it best we sit you down to talk about what happened the other night.

2. Could you please tell us your side of the story and what happened?

(Making mental note of each time he tries to sidestep responsibility) then you go into parental overdrive with:

* Have we ever allowed you to watch an R movie?

* Do you realize the disappointment the other family feels?

* What do you think can be done to repair this?

3. We are very disappointed but honestly, we expect these things, you are not the first child to try and pull one over on parents. You will be punished but we want you to know that your actions help repair events like these. Not repeating this behavior, writing a note to your friend's parents, and accepting responsibility...if you fail on any one of these levels...the next sit down meeting your father and I will have with you will be 2x as long. We will sit here with you for as long as it takes to show you our love for you and making sure you grow up to be a responsible caring individual is a great concern.

 

Then we hug, we tell him we love him and ya know I think they like the one on one time....but it's the seriousness of the crime that dictates the seriousness of the sit down...at 10, this is just the start...but make him know it's important...love him through his weaknesses! :)

[bbmom]

I am a stickler, I give swift and measurable consequences, but on this...I'd go easy (in a way)...

 

Take one thing away for the week. anything. But, what will have the most impact (has with ours anyway) is you set aside time where ALL the other siblings have to go outside to play or are away in another room (CAN NOT come in the room where you and your husband are sitting with your son)...somehow making that clear makes the accused realize the depth of their actions.

At the minimum, you speak with him for 30 minutes. Loving, firm, showing disappointment but not overly. This is some of our statements we have used in the past..

1. X, Your mother and I thought it best we sit you down to talk about what happened the other night.

2. Could you please tell us your side of the story and what happened?

(Making mental note of each time he tries to sidestep responsibility) then you go into parental overdrive with:

* Have we ever allowed you to watch an R movie?

* Do you realize the disappointment the other family feels?

* What do you think can be done to repair this?

3. We are very disappointed but honestly, we expect these things, you are not the first child to try and pull one over on parents. You will be punished but we want you to know that your actions help repair events like these. Not repeating this behavior, writing a note to your friend's parents, and accepting responsibility...if you fail on any one of these levels...the next sit down meeting your father and I will have with you will be 2x as long. We will sit here with you for as long as it takes to show you our love for you and making sure you grow up to be a responsible caring individual is a great concern.

 

Then we hug, we tell him we love him and ya know I think they like the one on one time....but it's the seriousness of the crime that dictates the seriousness of the sit down...at 10, this is just the start...but make him know it's important...love him through his weaknesses! :)

 

I love this advice-I hope I can remember it for the future!

[oldskool]

Don't you think this is perfectly typical childish behavior?

 

Apologize to the other mom, discuss, ground for a short time if you want and move on. Life is too short.

 

:iagree:

[TranquilMind]

I can't help being curious where he got it. ??

Right. Where did he get it?

 

Actually, this isn't as bad as you make it sound. My kid once found on of the Vacation movies from the 70's (Chevy Chase) that I had given my husband many years ago (and forgotten we had). He watched part of it when we weren't home. Apparently in that movie someone is undressing in a closet or something (can't remember). He told some kids his parents had "sex movies". We lost some friends over this. Gee, thanks, son!

 

So....don't go overboard on him. Boys like aliens. He shouldn't have done it secretly, but see how he feels about it now before jumping down on him hard. I'd just tell him not to take movies without my approval and why (now that I have a 13 year old, and have put the above incident in perspective...at the time, I overreacted).

 

Oh...and purge your home of movies you don't want him to see.

[TranquilMind]

Don't you think this is perfectly typical childish behavior?

 

Apologize to the other mom, discuss, ground for a short time if you want and move on. Life is too short.

Agree with calandalsmom, totally! ;)

[TranquilMind]

I am a stickler, I give swift and measurable consequences, but on this...I'd go easy (in a way)...

 

Take one thing away for the week. anything. But, what will have the most impact (has with ours anyway) is you set aside time where ALL the other siblings have to go outside to play or are away in another room (CAN NOT come in the room where you and your husband are sitting with your son)...somehow making that clear makes the accused realize the depth of their actions.

At the minimum, you speak with him for 30 minutes. Loving, firm, showing disappointment but not overly. This is some of our statements we have used in the past..

1. X, Your mother and I thought it best we sit you down to talk about what happened the other night.

2. Could you please tell us your side of the story and what happened?

(Making mental note of each time he tries to sidestep responsibility) then you go into parental overdrive with:

* Have we ever allowed you to watch an R movie?

* Do you realize the disappointment the other family feels?

* What do you think can be done to repair this?

3. We are very disappointed but honestly, we expect these things, you are not the first child to try and pull one over on parents. You will be punished but we want you to know that your actions help repair events like these. Not repeating this behavior, writing a note to your friend's parents, and accepting responsibility...if you fail on any one of these levels...the next sit down meeting your father and I will have with you will be 2x as long. We will sit here with you for as long as it takes to show you our love for you and making sure you grow up to be a responsible caring individual is a great concern.

 

Then we hug, we tell him we love him and ya know I think they like the one on one time....but it's the seriousness of the crime that dictates the seriousness of the sit down...at 10, this is just the start...but make him know it's important...love him through his weaknesses! :)

Excellent advice.

[momma2three]

Don't you think this is perfectly typical childish behavior?

 

Apologize to the other mom, discuss, ground for a short time if you want and move on. Life is too short.

 

:iagree:

 

As someone else said, I'd be upset if it was a sex scene or realistic graphic violence. But an alien popping out of a stomach (in a well known scene that is a commonly referred to nugget of pop culture and which has been parodied extensively in all sorts of media) is just the kind of thing that a bunch of 10 year old boys would find intriguing.

 

I'd make him apologize to the host, and have a talk about sneaking things, but I don't think this is all that big a deal.