Asking someone how old they are

[plain jane]

Is it an awkward or impolite question to ask of someone? Or, is it just regular conversation?

 

I'm weird and will admit that I've always felt embarrassed to ask someone their age. :o In fact, there's a woman I've been friends with for 5 years and I don't know her age. :001_huh: (we're not close friends, but we see each other a couple times per month for the last few years). Weird, huh? She's never asked me how old I am either. :tongue_smilie:

 

So, I've been meeting new people over the course of the last few months. Some of them, I have a good idea how old they are, based on some of the things they've said, but there's a couple of them that I have no clue.

 

Is it polite to just ask them how old they are? I'm not sure why I have such a hang up about this. It's not like I'm asking them how much their husband earns, but somehow it's a stumbling block for me. :confused:

 

So tell me, is it acceptable to do so? How does one bring it up politely in conversation? ... "Would you like another cup of coffee, oh and by the way, how old are you?" :lol:

 

Sigh. I know. I'm opening up my weirdness for all to point and laugh at. :leaving:

[Mama Geek]

I've been taught that it is really for closer friends to discuss, or if you know it is someone much younger than yourself.:tongue_smilie:

[J-rap]

I think it's just become the acceptable and polite thing in our society to NOT ask one's age. I've had some really close friends for years whose exact age I don't even know! I just kind of guess given the circumstances of their lives. Of course usually it comes up if you know the person long enough, like when they invite your to their 40th birthday party or something. :)

[trlt]

I always was taught it was not polite to ask. Honestly though, it hasn't even ever crossed my mind to ask. It really is of no interest to me how old someone is! My grandma always responds, when someone asks how old she is, "Old enough to know better than to ask a lady that question".

[redsquirrel]

Well, I think it is weird. When I get invited to an adult birthday party I always want to ask the obvious question "How old will you be this year?" I mean, why have a birthday party for yourself if we aren't supposed to ask?

 

When we are kids our age is a topic of frequent discussion, but then there is some change and it becomes a forbidden topic. Very confusing.

[Amy in NH]

I'd be more likely to discuss something to do with when we graduated high school. It's kinda weird to ask an adult their age.

[susankenny]

It's only weird because our society is weird. We ask how old kids are all.of.the.time, and we even make a huge deal about turning 21 (and tell the world!). Yet if we dare ask a woman her age, <<<gasp!>>> Unheard of! Rude! How dare you!

 

So stupid. Who cares. I'm 42. It's not a curse for goodness sake.

 

That's my 2 cents:)

 

Susan

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm 48.;) I can tell when people I'm talking to are delicately fishing for my age and I just come out and tell them. I don't mind my age.

[KristenR]

Yeah, I don't think I would be asking someone their age. I mean, if we were close and it was their birthday or something. But I have lots of mom friends from homechooling groups that I have no idea what age they are. Although acquaintances I don't feel chummy enough to ask how old they are. I don't even know how I Would bring it up if I wanted to.

 

Let's be honest- some people (and speaking generally it seems to be more of a woman thing) have issues with their age. Not everyone is at that point in their life where they don't care or feel empowered by it. A lot seem to think, "oh crap- how the *&%@ did I get here?"

 

I mean seriously- I feel like it was just yesterday that I was excited to get my very own locker in high school. :glare: I don't really consider myself old but at 31 I don't feel like a spring chicken either.

[joannqn]

It's only weird because our society is weird. We ask how old kids are all.of.the.time, and we even make a huge deal about turning 21 (and tell the world!). Yet if we dare ask a woman her age, <<<gasp!>>> Unheard of! Rude! How dare you!

 

So stupid. Who cares. I'm 42. It's not a curse for goodness sake.

 

That's my 2 cents:)

 

Susan

:iagree:

 

 

If you hang around me long enough my son is likely to tell you that I'm 38. Sometimes I have to verify my age with him, because I forget sometimes.

[susankenny]

I mean seriously- I feel like it was just yesterday that I was excited to get my very own locker in high school. :glare: I don't really consider myself old but at 31 I don't feel like a spring chicken either.

 

I met someone the other day that was feeling old because they had just turned 35. To me, that is still vibrant and very young! I'm only 42. I look great. I feel great. I'm better than I've ever been! I didn't even start to love life until I was in my 20's! High school was just trudging through life, but once I got out on my own, that's when I started to really travel, date, explore!

 

And honestly, the best part about getting older is that I am becoming so much more comfortable saying what I want to say. I don't have time to maintain the regrets of tip toeing over everyone's feelings at the expense of my own sanity. Truly, getting older is liberating :D The second half of my life is going to far exceed the first half!!

 

 

Susan

[BatmansWife]

I'm not sure why it would matter how old a person is.

[OrganicAnn]

I think it is rude to ask anyone over 18 or under 80 how old they are.

 

Why do you have to know. It really doesn't matter, does it?

[BatmansWife]

I met someone the other day that was feeling old because they had just turned 35. To me, that is still vibrant and very young! I'm only 42. I look great. I feel great. I'm better than I've ever been! I didn't even start to love life until I was in my 20's! High school was just trudging through life, but once I got out on my own, that's when I started to really travel, date, explore!

 

And honestly, the best part about getting older is that I am becoming so much more comfortable saying what I want to say. I don't have time to maintain the regrets of tip toeing over everyone's feelings at the expense of my own sanity. Truly, getting older is liberating :D The second half of my life is going to far exceed the first half!!

 

 

Susan

 

So, you're the type of person who would meet someone and say, "Nice to meet you. How old are you?" :lol:

[Paige]

I don't think there is ever a polite way to ask a woman out of high school how old she is. It is in the same category as asking how much money her family makes or who she votes for. It may be silly or a strange rule, but I would never ask. I don't think it should matter. I don't care who knows my age, but I would find it a little strange to be asked by anyone older than about 14 because I was taught that it was very impolite to ask.

[susankenny]

So, you're the type of person who would meet someone and say, "Nice to meet you. How old are you?" :lol:

 

LOL. No, but I might ask what year you graduated;)

 

Susan

[BatmansWife]

LOL. No, but I might ask what year you graduated;)

 

Susan

 

Ahhh.....you are a clever one, aren't you? :D

[susankenny]

Ahhh.....you are a clever one, aren't you? :D

 

:lol:

[mom4him]

Compared to most of you I am OLD! 63. I was always taught that it was very rude to ask someone their age. My age doesn't bother me in the least and never has. I consider every year gone past a victory as there was a time I doubted that I would make it to 50. I have had close friends that their age WAS a big thing, you needed to make a BIG THING out of their birthday if you were a close friend but the number was horrifying.:tongue_smilie: The one was that way from the time she was in her late 20's.:001_huh:

 

My question I guess would be, "Why do you need to know?" I have learned that there are some things in life that just aren't that important most of the time. I would rather focus on establishing a good sound friendship than wondering how old the person is. In a good friendship age is a non important.

[sheryl]

:bigear:

 

Couple of things.

 

Society tells and teaches us that it "is" indeed impolite. However, I do think some of that has changed.

 

I personally think it's O.K. once you "read" that person's acceptability of it. If you feel they would be offended, don't do it. You can be a good judge, I bet.

 

The Mom of one of my dd's friends and I were talking age the other day on the phone. She mentioned her age and I told her mine. I'm 10 years older and do NOT look it. That is not arrogance talking....I've NEVER looked my age. Needless to say, she couldn't believe it, but I finally convinced her.

 

Moral of the story here: don't assume you know someone's age. ;)

 

OK, how old are you? :lol:

[SweetIrony]

I don't ask people, but I don't mind being asked. I'm only 27, but I still don't think I'll mind as I get older. We are one of the younger couples at our church, which has led to some funny situations in which people end up asking how old we are. Like one of our friends was talking politics with DH and made a reference to some election in the 90's, and asked if we remembered. I was like... nope I was 10! :lol:

[stripe]

I've asked people, but for a while, every woman I knew was several years younger than I was and had many more kids, so I don't think they minded.

[cheryl h]

What a timely thread. Today is my birthday, and I just turned 38. I don't view anyone even close to my age as "old", but I feel like I am. It must be that "looking back at what I haven't done with my life" thing and wishing I had done more, and now there are just some things that aren't reasonable to fit in at this point. Oh well. I am going to eat chocolate cake today, and that will make it all better.:D

[mytwomonkeys]

i don't mind sharing my age, and i wouldn't be offended if anyone asked. i'm 40 and totally comfortable with that. i've never asked anyone's age just for the sake of asking though. now that i think of it....i don't really remember asking anyone as of late.

 

funny story though. when i was working several years ago, the marketing director and i were out on a sales call (we were also friends, so we talked about a lot of none work related stuff). we went by an old club in atlanta named rio, and i briefly pointed out that's where rob lowe had a scandal with a minor. she had absolutely no idea who rob lowe was. i knew she didn't grow up in the 80's :D and without thinking, i said, "how old are you??"

[lailasmum]

I have definitely known a few people who I could see were itching to know my age because I look quite a few years younger than I am.

 

I suppose it confused them that I looked in my early twenties with a couple of kids and maybe they couldn't make their perception of my age add up with married for several years and two kids or something.

 

I also have a friend in her early 20s who was in our home education group who assumed I was the same age as her but wasn't sure. She had been wanting to ask me for ages. Turned out I am 10 years older than her.

 

I must admit I just ask people, I hadn't thought of it as a negative thing.

[In the Rain]

I don't mind telling people my age, but it wouldn't occur to me to ask someone else's age. I can't think of a reason to want to know.

[nono]

I guess the only time I care how old someone is is in a road race. Because then it matters! :tongue_smilie:(Awards are given out by age groups). But, I know roughly how old all my close acquaintances are, and that's good enough for me.

 

I don't care if anyone who knows me asks. I know in a former time it was roundly considered impolite, and I would think the question, at minimum, abrupt if someone who just met me asked (outside of a racing event). I guess in that case I'd walk away thinking, "Why did she need to know that?" Also there's a good chance in that instance that I might lie. When people I don't know ask me things that don't make immediate sense, I tend not to give the correct information out. ;)

[Danestress]

I don't feel bad about my age. I am not sure why I am supposed to consider that "intimate" information or something that I would rather keep hush hush.

 

But I also don't know exactly how old most of my friends are. It doesn't seem like really important information. I have gone to friends "40th" birthdays and things like that, but I don't remember exactly how long ago. Most my friends have probably told me, but I'm not one to hold detailed information. Actually, I have to do the math from my year of birth to remember how old *I* am half the time!

[nono]

So how old are you?

 

I asked catwoman how old she is. She told me, so apparently she wasn't totally PO'd by the question, but now I'm wondering if I should not have asked. :001_huh::D

 

 

47. Since I "know" you, I'll tell you! If we had just met, how 'bout 50? That way, you might think I look pretty good for my age!

[GailV]

When people I don't know ask me things that don't make immediate sense, I tend not to give the correct information out. ;)

 

Bwahahaha! I do the same thing! Although I might also give the ever-popular reply of "what a funny thing to ask!" just because I really think it's weird they're asking.

 

 

During college homecoming week I wanted to wear a badge saying I was in the class of 1942 or 1967 or something, so people would think I looked really good for my age.

 

I was under the impression that "how old are you" rates about with "when are you due" as a question -- better not to ask unless you KNOW the person.

[Education Explorers]

I would avoid asking people how old they are. I think it just avoids any problems with offending someone. With my luck, they would respond, "How old do you think I am?" That is just opening a can of worms... you know it is going to be a lose/lose proposition.

[Trish]

Well unless you're going to a bar, or hoping to get a senior citizen discount, their age doesn't really matter. So I think it would be a weird question to ask. Because if you're around people long enough, they'll make some historical reference that will give you an idea of how old they are, if you can't already tell.

 

I don't know how much anyone weighs, either. :D

[NicAnn]

I've personally never understood why it's considered rude. Maybe I just didn't grow up in a generation that thinks that way (I'm 25), and I always know what age people around me are.

[Ester Maria]

The line of what is a "too personal question" is strictly cultural.

 

I do think it has become a commonplace to avoid questions on age, along with the questions on matters such as finances, political attitudes, weight and other "hot topics", unless one knows the person very well. The practice, though, is not universal.

 

I like the taboo on this one. :D

[zookeeper]

I get asked this all. the. time. We've got a group of teens involved in a political club and most of the time, I'm the carpool mom. When people find out one of the teens is my SON, they blurt out "how old are YOU?" lol! I take it as a compliment. :D

[SailorMom]

I don't mind if someone asks me - as long as they act SHOCKED that I look so young for my age.... even if they don't mean it :):lol:

[SailorMom]

I've personally never understood why it's considered rude. Maybe I just didn't grow up in a generation that thinks that way (I'm 25), and I always know what age people around me are.

 

Yep - my generation was probably the last one to grow up hearing never to ask a person's age. I'm 38 - so I'm an Gen X and I guess you're a Gen Y?

[eternalknot]

I don't ask outright.

 

I've lived places where it's not only acceptable to do so, it's part of that introductory size-you-up stage (how old? job? earnings? etc.) -- so I'd say that some cultures, be they ethnic or social, are okay with it whilst others are not.

 

I err on the safer side, of assuming it's impolite. Some of that is the culture I grew up in, and some of it is knowing that the area I live in (affluent, professional) I'm a good 10-15 years younger than the parents of my kids' peers (I'm neither affluent, nor professional, so my childbearing years were the 20s and not my 30s-40s). The women here seem way more self-conscious about their age than do I. I'm not sure if that's personality, or just where each of us are respectively in our lives LOL.

[Ester Maria]

I've lived places where it's not only acceptable to do so, it's part of that introductory size-you-up stage (how old? job? earnings? etc.) -- so I'd say that some cultures, be they ethnic or social, are okay with it whilst others are not.

That is one of those cultural differences that blow me away. Especially the "how much do you earn" as a fourth or fifth question, LOL. (I have some ties with one such place too.)

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

I have no qualms about asking. You should make this a poll, though. :D

 

ETA: I'm 37 and probably should know better. But I think it's a ridiculous social convention and I dont care about such things.

Edited March 25, 2012 by Mommy2BeautifulGirls

[Ecclecticmum]

It is considered rude to most of the time, but in reality, thats silly, age is just a number, and if no-one knows your age and birthday, then no-one can say "happy birthday" lol.

 

Considering how rude it is, even with the associated shock, I'm surprised how many people ask DH & I how old we are. I tend to not provide my age unless necessary, but when anyone finds out or meets me, they are usually quite surprised at my age. I had my children close together, and met DH soon before becoming pregnant. It was a whirlwind romance :p We met, married and had a baby all within the 1st year. With my husband, he looks much, much younger than what he is, people are surprised he's in the position at work he is, till they find out his age, and he still gets asked for ID, which used to be hilarious, but is now getting rather annoying :glare: when we are stopped at every turn because they think he's under 18! really?

 

If your aware of her birthday, thats all you really need to know I suppose, if your not, ask her, her birthday. Other than that, in manners terms it is considered rude, and I'm not sure hearing the number should make a difference.

[eternalknot]

That is one of those cultural differences that blow me away. Especially the "how much do you earn" as a fourth or fifth question, LOL. (I have some ties with one such place too.)

 

I remember being so taken aback the first time it happened to me! I told my husband (whose job it was that moved us there) that I couldn't believe he relocated me away from home and family to a place where I had to effectively have my butt sniffed (aux chiens!) every time I met someone!

 

Then I got used to it :D. Then I started doing it :confused:.

Then we moved, and I reconciled it all by not asking directly but fishing for the answer instead :tongue_smilie:!

[Parrothead]

I'm in the rude camp. I wouldn't ask unless it was someone who has become a good friend.

 

I did end up asking my good friend because she kept talking about how we are middle-aged. She has a few years on me so for her, at the time, she was middle-aged. I officially hit middle-aged this past birthday.

[ocelotmom]

I get asked it all the time. Most often when it comes up that I have three kids.

 

I don't really understand. I don't think I look young enough for 3 kids to be all that surprising, especially as it's quite possible to have kids more closely spaced than mine.

 

I have asked people their age occasionally. Mostly when it's actually relevant to the conversation, and occasionally when what they're saying really doesn't fit with the age I perceived them to be.

[eternalknot]

I'm in the rude camp. I wouldn't ask unless it was someone who has become a good friend.

 

I did end up asking my good friend because she kept talking about how we are middle-aged. She has a few years on me so for her, at the time, she was middle-aged. I officially hit middle-aged this past birthday.

 

 

So ....

 

S/O: what does one consider "middle-aged" :D:tongue_smilie:

 

Signed,

A. Fisher

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

 

I have asked people their age occasionally. Mostly when it's actually relevant to the conversation, and occasionally when what they're saying really doesn't fit with the age I perceived them to be.

 

:iagree:

 

Yes! When you've become close with someone and it comes up, or if you're talking with someone and the conversation makes more sense if you know.

 

I have never considered it rude, though.

[GingerPoppy]

I don't like being asked. I prefer to just be me. I hate to have a number attached to me that comes with some baggage/expectations.

 

You know, if I feel like painting my nails shiny green, singing a Veggie Tales song, doing a cartwheel on the front lawn, or wearing pigtails, I want to be judged (if I must be judged) ONLY on whether I pulled it off or not. I do NOT want to have people thinking 35 or 40 or whatever is too old to be doing ______________. Or, worse, people thinking that by a certain age, shouldn't I be making more money or own my own home or drive a better car? I don't need that pressure. If they're kept guessing, it reduces some of the internal judging, in my opinion.

 

If they don't know my age, they can't judge in that way, and I can feel free to be more myself.

[Jean in Newcastle]

So ....

 

S/O: what does one consider "middle-aged" :D:tongue_smilie:

 

Signed,

A. Fisher

 

:D:D

[NanceXToo]

I've asked some of the other moms in my homeschool group how old they are during casual conversation while we were chatting about different things a couple of times. They didn't seem bothered by it. Some of them have mentioned it spontaneously. I don't mind if someone asks me how old I am.

[Amira]

I don't like being asked. I prefer to just be me. I hate to have a number attached to me that comes with some baggage/expectations.

 

You know, if I feel like painting my nails shiny green, singing a Veggie Tales song, doing a cartwheel on the front lawn, or wearing pigtails, I want to be judged (if I must be judged) ONLY on whether I pulled it off or not. I do NOT want to have people thinking 35 or 40 or whatever is too old to be doing ______________. Or, worse, people thinking that by a certain age, shouldn't I be making more money or own my own home or drive a better car? I don't need that pressure. If they're kept guessing, it reduces some of the internal judging, in my opinion.

 

If they don't know my age, they can't judge in that way, and I can feel free to be more myself.

 

:iagree: I feel exactly the same way.