Aelwydd Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 This 14 year old girl endured relentless bullying for two years, before succumbing to despair and taking her own life. R.I.P., Eden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 So sad. I wish all of this bullying would stop. Too many tragic endings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 As the mom of a 14 year old, that really ticks me off. I wonder how the girls that bullied her feel today? :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 As the mom of a 14 year old, that really ticks me off. I wonder how the girls that bullied her feel today? :glare: This brings up an interesting perspective- are there any reports of bullies feeling bad when something like this happens? I haven't seen any. On one hand, how could they not feel terrible? On the other, they didn't care about her last week, why would they this week? Of course- I also can't imagine that they would admit to doing anything wrong even if they did feel badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Very sad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 THIS, ladies, THIS is the reason my girls will not go to middle school. It is the most horrible place in the world. The girls are mean spirited, backs-stabbing, gossipy witches(well at least a large group of them). They will not hesitate to throw you under the bus to enhance their social status and stay out of the crossfire. It is freakin survival of the fittest. I have had it with public education. You can't trust the dang village anymore, let alone let it help raise your kids! I just wish my older two boys would come home.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 So, so sad. That poor family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 As the mom of a 14 year old, that really ticks me off. I wonder how the girls that bullied her feel today? :glare: I bet it's not even a blip on their radar. Or else they are having a good laugh at what they accomplished. :( So sad . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 It's Lord of the Flies out there. I don't think kids are developing their consciences. I think we need to take a good, hard look at why, and make the tough choices as families even if they are not PC choices or if they offend people. What if it was shown daycare is causing this? Not having mom at home? Television? Or even convenience food? I'm not saying those ARE the causes, but if something like that was, then it would be buried in so much shouting over what was politically correct, a solution would not be possible. Pretty depressing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Researcher Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 These stories are becoming too common. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Incredibly sad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: :iagree: 100% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Wow, that's so sad. Her poor family! :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: I love you. That girl could have been me. I hope they feel horrible. Just horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 That is so sad. My oldest has spent 2 weeks in a partial hospitalization program for his psychiatric diagnosis. In the program he tells me all the kids talk of being bullied. The only thing the therapist talked about with them was that everyone is bullied. :confused: She didn't tell them apparently to share with their parents, how to bring it to authorities, nothing. She just reassured them everyone is bullied? I don't get that. Is that the right approach? I'm sure her intent was that they feel they are not alone, but I felt it was just wrong to not give them more to address it. That is not something that should be accepted as normal. [My son is the only HSed kid there, others are all public schoolers.] They are all supposedly terrified of middle school (the kids are ages 6-12), when all their friends report being absolutely terrorized every single day. There has to be a better way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 THIS, ladies, THIS is the reason my girls will not go to middle school. It is the most horrible place in the world. The girls are mean spirited, backs-stabbing, gossipy witches(well at least a large group of them). They will not hesitate to throw you under the bus to enhance their social status and stay out of the crossfire. It is freakin survival of the fittest. I have had it with public education. You can't trust the dang village anymore, let alone let it help raise your kids! I just wish my older two boys would come home.:glare: :iagree:My dad is a retired middle school teacher. He is thrilled that I am homeschooling and asked me not to send my children back in middle school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Just had a long teary (my tears) discussion with ds on this subject. Today I'm really glad for homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 :iagree: It's just heartbreaking to see this happen again, and again. There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: I agree. I also think that the whole policy of "it takes two to fight, so both get punished" is wholly stupid and short-sighted in its conception and application. Telling someone who is being bullied that if he/she defends oneself, he/she will receive the same detention or expulsion as the aggressor is counterproductive, as we have seen. That rule may accomplish a decrease in total "fights," but it also encourages an uptick in bullying as victimized children basically learn to take it passively. As my dh has repeatedly told our ds, bullies only learn to back off when you fight back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 THIS, ladies, THIS is the reason my girls will not go to middle school. It is the most horrible place in the world. The girls are mean spirited, backs-stabbing, gossipy witches(well at least a large group of them). They will not hesitate to throw you under the bus to enhance their social status and stay out of the crossfire. It is freakin survival of the fittest. I have had it with public education. You can't trust the dang village anymore, let alone let it help raise your kids! I just wish my older two boys would come home.:glare: :iagree::iagree: My daughter is the sweetest, most sensitive person I know. I love the person she is and I won't let anyone ruin her. She doesn't have the thick skin for that stuff and I don't want her to have it. Not at 13 years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Did you all notice how GORGEOUS Eden was?? What the heck was there to pick on??? We had bullying in elementary school 30 years ago. I didn't do much of it but I didn't always stand up for the bullied either and I wish I could go back in time and smack a few kids around. But the kids who got bullied had something "wrong." As an adult looking back, I realize that the dirty kid was dirty because she didn't have a MOM. Or that the one fat kid had a medical disorder. But both of those kids had something to pick on although the school group as a whole didn't tolerate anything REALLY horrible. It just wasn't NICE. Eden just looks like a normal, nice, beautiful kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 As my dh has repeatedly told our ds, bullies only learn to back off when you fight back. I agree to some extent, but not everyone is able to fight back. My son is small and thin and would not succeed in a physical fight, and he has learning issues and verbal difficulties, so he doesn't communicate well. Both of which contribute to the reason he is bullied in the first place. Bullies target kids who can't fight back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: :iagree: My oldest got into a fight with a bully one night because he (ds) was defending a little girl. Bully threw the first punch. Poor kid never knew he was dealing with a black belt! My son got him in some holds that made him beg for mercy but wouldn't hurt him. HA!!!! This was our first experience with a bully, so I was scared and sad. But, I told my ds I was proud of how he handled it! Did you all notice how GORGEOUS Eden was?? What the heck was there to pick on??? We had bullying in elementary school 30 years ago. I didn't do much of it but I didn't always stand up for the bullied either and I wish I could go back in time and smack a few kids around. But the kids who got bullied had something "wrong." As an adult looking back, I realize that the dirty kid was dirty because she didn't have a MOM. Or that the one fat kid had a medical disorder. But both of those kids had something to pick on although the school group as a whole didn't tolerate anything REALLY horrible. It just wasn't NICE. Eden just looks like a normal, nice, beautiful kid. I did!!! She was so pretty. I guess they don't just pick on the ugly, skinny, fat, smart, not-smart, funny-looking kids. This is SOOOO sad. And I SO know what you mean about wishing you'd stood up for those who were bullied. I didn't either. Honestly, though, we didn't see a lot of it. But, when my kid came home and told me he'd been in a fight, my first reaction was anger. He was in the fight at a local elementary school after a Little League game. We reported the incident and were told that if we wanted it to go further, we could. BUT, my ds would be punished just like the bully because he fought back. WHAT THE HECK????? The mom of the girl who was being bullied didn't want to go further, so we didn't. After I heard the whole story I was VERY proud! I agree to some extent, but not everyone is able to fight back. My son is small and thin and would not succeed in a physical fight, and he has learning issues and verbal difficulties, so he doesn't communicate well. Both of which contribute to the reason he is bullied in the first place. Bullies target kids who can't fight back. Oh Perry. This makes me so sad. :grouphug: Edited March 13, 2012 by Jennifer in MI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 So, so, terribly sad. The fact that she was so pretty may well be a big reason why they bullied her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happygrrl Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I recently met a high school friend for a drink. He was a smart kid in school, popular, class clown, cute, everyone liked him. It wasn't long into our conversation that he admitted that he bullied another kids in school. He told me that he thinks about it *all* the time, and often has to take sleep aids because he can't get it out of his head. He is terrified to see that kid again- terrified that the boy would not forgive him. His self-disgust has crippled his life, and he seems to be unable to hold a steady relationship. I am sure there are other factors involved but I was too horrified and shocked to delve any deeper. On the surface he had a perfect childhood; obviously there was more going on than I saw. I have contacted my friend again, but he has not returned the contact. So yes, I think some bullies end up with similarly tragic lives to those bullied. Perhaps it would be important to also find out *why* the bullies are bullies. Ugh. The whole thing turns my stomach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) That poor girl. I can't imagine what her family is going through right now. Edited March 19, 2012 by Element Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 My oldest has spent 2 weeks in a partial hospitalization program for his psychiatric diagnosis. In the program he tells me all the kids talk of being bullied. The only thing the therapist talked about with them was that everyone is bullied. :confused: She didn't tell them apparently to share with their parents, how to bring it to authorities, nothing. This is just shocking to me. This was going on for 2 years and this poor girl never felt empowered enough to tell a teacher, an administrator, or a parent? Kids need to know this is not ok and is not to be tolerated if it's happening to you. I know my own self esteem was in the toilet at this age and bullying was rampant in my Catholic school. Such a waste. What a beautiful young girl. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 This is just shocking to me. This was going on for 2 years and this poor girl never felt empowered enough to tell a teacher, an administrator, or a parent? Kids need to know this is not ok and is not to be tolerated if it's happening to you. I know my own self esteem was in the toilet at this age and bullying was rampant in my Catholic school. Such a waste. What a beautiful young girl. :crying: But, the article also mentioned something (I skimmed it) about her telling her sister she was being bullied and begging her not to tell for fear of retaliation. This is a huge part of it. We have a little girl we know who is a bully. She has to be watched 100% of the time when she's with my dd. (We have a once a week commitment that we can't get out of.) In her case, her mother is a bully. Going to her wouldn't help! She started it. So, we watch and monitor ALL contact our kids have with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: :iagree: It's not just typical school yard things either. I had a group of young teens fighting out in front of my place. I went out to tell them to knock it off, and they turned and got aggressive and mouthy w/me. I was stunned...no WAY would that have happened when I was a teen. An adult showed up, and you scattered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 As the mom of a 14 year old, that really ticks me off. I wonder how the girls that bullied her feel today? :glare: Just guessing.... Guilty, and afraid of being found out. They'll never step up to admit that they were bullies. Shocked. They were just teasing/didn't really mean it/didn't realize it was hurting her that much/didn't think it was that big a deal. Rationalizing all of the ways that what they said wasn't that bad and blaming the victim for being too sensitive or too clueless or too whatever they can throw that they can make stick to take away their own responsibility. My eldest dd was bullied quite a bit in fourth and fifth grades. Thank God for her friend who stood up to the other girls and said (in essence) "That's not cool. I won't be friends with people who act like this." I really think that a part of the problem is that we're (cultural "we") trying to address bullying from the perspective of protecting the victims (which is as it should be) but not really addressing the cultural issues that are fostering the bullying, including spreading it into the home hours with the widespread use of social media. That poor girl. My heart aches for her family. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 There have always been bullies, but somewhere along the way, we've lost any b@lls to deal with them. Everyone is "special" so even bullies have to be treated with kid gloves. Well that doesn't work. Bullies should be punished, and I don't mean giving them time out, either. There is a lot of cow flop floating around masquerading as discipline. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of bullies. Bullies should be a heck of a lot more afraid of consequences. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what consequences are anymore. And... I'll stop there, because my thoughts on dealing with bullies starts to get a bit more non-pc about this point in the conversation. :glare: :iagree: absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Did you all notice how GORGEOUS Eden was?? What the heck was there to pick on??? We had bullying in elementary school 30 years ago. I didn't do much of it but I didn't always stand up for the bullied either and I wish I could go back in time and smack a few kids around. But the kids who got bullied had something "wrong." As an adult looking back, I realize that the dirty kid was dirty because she didn't have a MOM. Or that the one fat kid had a medical disorder. But both of those kids had something to pick on although the school group as a whole didn't tolerate anything REALLY horrible. It just wasn't NICE. Eden just looks like a normal, nice, beautiful kid. It wouldn't have mattered what she looked like! They choose her to pick on and they would have used anything about her to torment her. Or, they'd make up crap and use that to torment her. Bottom line is: a$$holes are a$$holes. They don't need any real reason at all to just be what they are. And, as long as schools and parents keep acting like everyone is so g-d f'ing precious, then a$$holes will still keep getting away with it because "oh my!" they're just little angels in mommy's eyes, or they're just "being kids" or whatever lame bull$#!t the enablers can come up with to cover for what is, essentially, an a$$hole in need of real disciplinary action, up to and including a stint in juvie (do they even have juvie anymore, or are criminals kids too precious for that anymore, too?) ETA: Apologies. I was supposed to stop at my previous post, wasn't I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 This is so tragic. I'm very curious to see if the school knew about any of the bullying. I've seen schools brush off way to many incidents firsthand as both a PS student and a private school teacher! I was bullied in 5th and 6th grade, but most bullies learned to steer clear of my because I wasn't afraid to fight back. I befriended several "outcast" kids who were frequently bullied and defended them. In 5th grade I hit a boy across the face because he was trying to punch me for verbally defending my friend from his cursing and filthy name-calling. He told on me to the yard duty teacher, but she refused to believe him and sent him away. Then she said to me, "You hit him, didn't you?" I said, "Yes," pretty firmly, ready to defend my actions. Her response was, "Good. Someone needed to!" That would never happen today. I'd be suspended even though I was a straight-A, never-in-trouble teacher's dream student. He might even get off because his fist didn't actually connect with my nose--I was quick enough to deflect him with my left hand and hit him with my right. I hit another bully in 6th grade with a backpack of books. Neither of these boys ever bothered me or my friends again. The one bully I was not able to shake was the only one I was afraid to hit back because his family was into drugs and wannabee gang activity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 It wouldn't have mattered what she looked like! They choose her to pick on and they would have used anything about her to torment her. Or, they'd make up crap and use that to torment her. Bottom line is: a$$holes are a$$holes. They don't need any real reason at all to just be what they are. And, as long as schools and parents keep acting like everyone is so g-d f'ing precious, then a$$holes will still keep getting away with it because "oh my!" they're just little angels in mommy's eyes, or they're just "being kids" or whatever lame bull$#!t the enablers can come up with to cover for what is, essentially, an a$$hole in need of real disciplinary action, up to and including a stint in juvie (do they even have juvie anymore, or are criminals kids too precious for that anymore, too?) ETA: Apologies. I was supposed to stop at my previous post, wasn't I? Completely agree w/you. But, I mean...look at the criminal legal system. Even adults are too 'precious' to actually pay for crimes committed, b/c everyone is a victim, in need of TLC rather than actual punishment. Here in Canada, we have what was formerly known as the YOA (I forget what new name they changed it to, w/out giving it any real teeth). If being under the age of 18 means you serve no more than 3 yrs for murder, is it really any wonder that bullying cannot/will not be dealt w/as a serious matter? And, fwiw, I was in 7th grade when YOA came in...and would you believe we were TAUGHT about it in school? Yup, we were taught about how we wouldn't be facing harsh penalties and would get lighter punishment and have no criminal record once we were adults. I. Kid. You. Not. And then we wonder why kids have no respect or fear of authority or law enforcement. The potential punishment is a joke, and they know it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Completely agree w/you. But, I mean...look at the criminal legal system. Even adults are too 'precious' to actually pay for crimes committed, b/c everyone is a victim, in need of TLC rather than actual punishment. Here in Canada, we have what was formerly known as the YOA (I forget what new name they changed it to, w/out giving it any real teeth). If being under the age of 18 means you serve no more than 3 yrs for murder, is it really any wonder that bullying cannot/will not be dealt w/as a serious matter? And, fwiw, I was in 7th grade when YOA came in...and would you believe we were TAUGHT about it in school? Yup, we were taught about how we wouldn't be facing harsh penalties and would get lighter punishment and have no criminal record once we were adults. I. Kid. You. Not. And then we wonder why kids have no respect or fear of authority or law enforcement. The potential punishment is a joke, and they know it. Don't get me started on YOA. Do. not. get. me. started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) Here in Canada, we have what was formerly known as the YOA (I forget what new name they changed it to, w/out giving it any real teeth). If being under the age of 18 means you serve no more than 3 yrs for murder, is it really any wonder that bullying cannot/will not be dealt w/as a serious matter? Harsher punishment would not appear to have any effect on bullying. Here in the U.S., kids as young as 10 years of age as often charged as adults for murder. They literally grow up to adulthood in jail. So, in your opinion as an outside observer, how do you think that's working out for the U.S.? Solved the problem of bullying? Nope. Made children more respectful towards each other? Negative. I don't think bullying has anything to do with legal or punitive policies. I think it has to do with a society's tolerance and encouragement of aggressive behavior, and disdain for weaker or less successful members of society. For Americans at least, money equals power. So, those who have less money, have less power. Instead of engendering sympathy, there are whole swaths of the country that heap scorn on these disadvantaged members. They become the "targets" of a more powerful and ruthless group than themselves. Media is full of demogoguery about how poor or unemployed people are responsible for their own woes; and yet, the people who steal, consolidate huge amounts of resources for themselves, and basically dub themselves masters of the universe through economic hegemony are the ones we are told we should all admire and emulate. Shows like "The Apprentice" demonstrate how characteristics like loyalty, generosity, and fair play are seen as weaknesses, and scheming, back-stabbing, and ambition are lauded as "winning" qualities. To be the bully is the be the American success story. If intimidating, coercing, or undermining your competitors gets you ahead in the game, you are to be applauded for your "skill," your "hard work," and your "ingenuity" for out-thinking and outmaneuvering your opponent. It's coded into our social DNA. Constant reinforcement of these traits just brings it out more and more with each successive generation. Our kids are guilty of nothing more than learning their lessons from us very well. Edited March 14, 2012 by Aelwydd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) I agree to some extent, but not everyone is able to fight back. My son is small and thin and would not succeed in a physical fight, and he has learning issues and verbal difficulties, so he doesn't communicate well. Both of which contribute to the reason he is bullied in the first place. Bullies target kids who can't fight back. Fighting back is not just a physical battle. And my son is actually slightly smaller than average. It's not about one's actual physicality. It's about perceived vulnerability. IME, a small, but confident person who refuses to take any sh%t from other people is less likely to be bullied than the large, but shy and socially awkward person. I've seen many times when small people bullied much larger peers. My ds had to deal with a bully on his hockey team just a few months ago. This kid is smaller and weaker than mine, but he is a very skilled player, and thus had an intimidation factor going on with other kids. The situation was dealt with, but the point is, bullies seem to have a radar to detect insecurities, irrespective of outside package. Similarly, they also usually will steer clear, or cease harassing, confident persons who stand up, demand they back down, and refuse to be intimidated. We know ds will not be able to physically overpower every bully, but part of the reason we have him in hockey and martial arts is to gain confidence and a level of comfort with himself, and what he can do, as well as developing judgment in how to accurately read and respond in a given situation. Those seem to be the best "tools" to defend oneself against aggressive harassment. Edited March 14, 2012 by Aelwydd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funschooler5 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 I agree with PPs about junior high. My experience was pretty bad. Kids that age can be awful! I think one of the problems with some bullying, is that (especially with girls) it can be emotional instead of physical. I imagine it's really hard to punish kids who ostracize other kids...they could just be making sideways comments, or pretending like the victim doesn't exist. I don't know if that's what happened in this case, but two years of being an outcast would wear anybody down. And how does a kid fight back against that? Social media had changed a lot, too. When I was a kid, somebody could pass around a note with mean things written on it, but of course that could be torn up and thrown away. Now kids can post things on Facebook for everyone to see. That has to be hard to deal with. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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