Morning or evening?

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I don't have the patience to wait out dd's loss of hygiene phase. She's going to shower daily, starting today! She's not fit to be seen in public :ack2:.

 

Should I have her shower first thing in the morning to get ready for the day? Or in the evening to get ready for bed?

 

I say evening due to her hair. I have to condition and style it and it's a good time for us to relax and bond. Evening would be after ds is in bed.

 

I have always showered in the morning. Ds bathes nightly.

[AuntieM]

I voted evening FOR YOU because that seems to fit your schedule.

 

I have been known to put a kid in the shower mid-day, so the business of it will not get lost if the evening skitters off agenda. Another benefit of home schooling. :D

[Mrs Mungo]

My kids do evening showers because they play outside most days.

[Parrothead]

I voted evening, but I agree with Auntie M. Once a day no matter what time of day it is. The lunch hour may be more feasible or the time directly after school or possibly prior to dinner.

[fairfarmhand]

I might be tempted to let her decide. You will shower today. Now or later?

 

But this means that at x o'clock, you say. Shower time. and Stick to it.

[bookfiend]

We do evening because I don't want a stinky kid in a nice, clean bed.

[kathymuggle]

I voted evening because it is what you want.

 

My kids shower any time of day - and usually mid day. Works for us.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Maybe I should try just sending her off to shower when I remember, and eventually work it to a consistent time.

 

If she showers daily, her hair is easier to manage (just condition). When she showers (yuck) weekly, her hair is a tangled mess that takes a lot of time to deal with.

[Ester Maria]

Evening. To be clean for bed.

 

I never really understood folks who shower only in the mornings - the idea of going to bed with all the dirt from the day seems to me... less than appealing. I think evening showers are ideal.

[CupOCoffee]

May I ask a question: is this related to her Asperger's? I don't mean to offend, just curious. I've got a 10 year old who acts like I've just asked her to do the worst thing imaginable when I remind her to take a shower; yeah, we have hygiene issues here too. But we don't have Asperger's.

 

Since you have to work with her on hair, I would pick the time that works best for you. Is there something in the evening that happens at the same time, every single night? (or at least 99% of the time). Is dinner at the same time every night? Snack time? A tv show? Perhaps you can use that event as a cue. My dd gets to play Wii on the TV at a certain time in the evening; if it's shower night, she has to have her shower done by that time or no playing....she forfeits her time slot to her brother.

 

If little brother goes to bed at the same time (roughly) every night, then tie it to that, make that the cue for shower time.

 

Hope that helps, as I've said, this is an issue in our house as well...sigh.

 

EDIT: well I see I was typing too slow, and others have said almost the same as me, lol. And come to think of it, we all shower in the evening at our house for the same reasons other have said! :)

Edited February 27, 2012 by CupOCoffee

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

We do evening because I don't want a stinky kid in a nice, clean bed.

[chepyl]

We all bathe midday. We lounge in pjs, do school, and then shower to leave for the day. I do only bathe my kids 2-3 times a week in the winter to prevent dry skin, but they are young. Summer - daily baths.

[BatmansWife]

I say morning. Because sometimes you sweat at night. Also...my son must shower in the morning....otherwise I can't stand to even be in the room with him.

[AuntieM]

I say morning. Because sometimes you sweat at night. Also...my son must shower in the morning....otherwise I can't stand to even be in the room with him.

 

My boys often shower twice per day! Ah, puberty....

[In the Rain]

Evening- to be clean for bed.

[nitascool]

My older two children shower in the morning to help wake them for the day. In summer they often take a second quick shower before bed to get off the stink and dirt. My younger two have very sensitive skin and only bathe/shower when they need it. 2 to 3 times a week.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

May I ask a question: is this related to her Asperger's? I don't mean to offend, just curious. I've got a 10 year old who acts like I've just asked her to do the worst thing imaginable when I remind her to take a shower; yeah, we have hygiene issues here too. But we don't have Asperger's.

 

I don't think the lack of hygiene is asperger's related, but I think not being able to change her current (non functioning) routine related to hygiene is aspie related.

 

Also I'd consider a new hair-do, framing that as gal's time out for a style.

 

She's mixed race with crazy curls, and I'm white (AKA- not capable of doing her hair! LOL). I'm just starting to get a handle on her hair and she's 11! We live in a very white area and there is no one local that will do her hair. It has to be done when we visit my father in NY.

 

I may get her hair cut really short so it's easier to manage. I can't style it any way that lasts more than a day or two. We had a really good run of hygiene and bathing just before our vacation, but I can't seem to get it back.

[Ellie]

Evening.

 

Going to bed all clean is a marvelous feeling. :-) Also, in the morning you can get up and get dressed right away, even if you oversleep and you have to jump up, thrown your clothes on, and get out of the house. :D

 

I've been showering at night for over 30 years (I do my hair in the morning). We did the same with our dds when they were little, and they continued doing that when they were old enough to be in charge of their own bathing. :-)

[stripe]

I may get her hair cut really short so it's easier to manage. I can't style it any way that lasts more than a day or two. We had a really good run of hygiene and bathing just before our vacation, but I can't seem to get it back.

Um.

I don't think this is a good idea. I also don't think most white mothers of white daughters expect hair styles to last many days. Most black mothers of black daughters don't either. Hair is time consuming.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Um.

I don't think this is a good idea. I also don't think most white mothers of white daughters expect hair styles to last many days. Most black mothers of black daughters don't either. Hair is time consuming.

 

I thought braids done well could last at least a week?

[QueenCat]

I might be tempted to let her decide. You will shower today. Now or later?

 

But this means that at x o'clock, you say. Shower time. and Stick to it.

 

:iagree:Not showering is not an option. The option is when. But then I'd be consistent on the "when".

[fraidycat]

I thought braids done well could last at least a week?

 

Corn rows, yes. Longer, actually. I did DD's hair in corn rows (teeny, tiny braids) this past summer, because she has a sensitive scalp and hates getting her hair brushed or combed. Her hair is also very thick, and ties itself in wicked knots. It took 8 hours, one day, to do her hair but we didn't have the "you must get your hair combed" fight for over a month. It truly was wash and wear.

[DarlaS]

I have my dd shower mornings whenever possible as it wakes her up. Sometimes she showers in the evening, but then it takes forever to get her in there.

 

In the morning, she's not really alert and if I tell her to go shower, she just kinda stumbles in there groggily and forgets to argue about it. It's sort of cute. :D

[MHowell]

I voted evening for the same reasons as above. Kids get dirty during the day while they play, not while sleeping in bed.

[littleWMN]

Um.

I don't think this is a good idea. I also don't think most white mothers of white daughters expect hair styles to last many days. Most black mothers of black daughters don't either. Hair is time consuming.

 

There's a difference. Generally white girls have to fix their hair every day. Depending on the style, black girls can wear their hair a certain way for a day up to two weeks. But the styling takes much longer. 2-3 hours at best for washing, conditioning, braiding (or whatever), then daily maintenance takes less time.

[Virg]

My kids all shower each morning because they get sweaty at night. If they get gross during the day I will have them take a quick "rinse-off" shower when they come in.

 

My DSS and DSD are white and black, and I cornrow DSD's hair often, she still has to take a shower every day though. She just doesn't actually shampoo her scalp as often. Her hair can stay in two weeks but it takes forever to do the first day. By the time I am done my back and neck are killing me. For a while DSD was having hygiene issues related to all of her behavioral issues. She refused to wash her hair and grease it and trying to make her was literally a physical fight, so obviously it didn't get done. We finally took her in and had it cut pretty short. I cried but it turned out darling! Plus all i had to do was convince her to let me oil it really quick and it curled up really cute. She wore headbands or a barrette or two. Sometimes you just have to do what is easier, it isn't always worth the fight. I regretted waiting so long once we had it done.

Edited February 28, 2012 by ds4159

[swellmomma]

For the showering I prefer to have my kids cycle through the shower/bath as part of their nighttime routine, but at their dad's place my 2 bigs shower in the am. I don't care either way as long as they are clean.

 

As for hair, do not cut her hair short, my mom did that to me and I was upset for year (I was 12 and she made me get a boys hair cut because I could not keep my waist length hair smooth and tangle free myself)

 

My dd is 12 and I still help her with her hair. I spray detangler after her shower and comb out the big snarls, then she blow dries and brushes out until smooth. SHe can do ponytails or keep it down on her own, other style like when she wants curls i do it as I do not want her using the curling iron yet.

 

Team up with your dd, make a plan, rather than a battle. Go with her personality. FOr my ds I prefer him to shower at night, his father prefers in the am. Guess what time is best for ds? Right around 10 am or 2 pm. He likes it at a way to focus and center himself for transitions. If he is asking for one at 10am it is because he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and needs time to calm down. IF at 2pm he is needing time for the transition between school time and free time.

[Dustybug]

I don't think the lack of hygiene is asperger's related, but I think not being able to change her current (non functioning) routine related to hygiene is aspie related.

 

 

 

She's mixed race with crazy curls, and I'm white (AKA- not capable of doing her hair! LOL). I'm just starting to get a handle on her hair and she's 11! We live in a very white area and there is no one local that will do her hair. It has to be done when we visit my father in NY.

 

I may get her hair cut really short so it's easier to manage. I can't style it any way that lasts more than a day or two. We had a really good run of hygiene and bathing just before our vacation, but I can't seem to get it back.

 

What texture is her hair? I'm mixed, but I have more "white" textured hair than the coarser hair typical of black women. My oldes DD has super, super curly hair, but since my DH is white, her hair is not coarse, just crazy. She bathes at night, but I still rewet her hair every morning, apply leave in conditioner and comb it out in order to style it. If she has the coarser style hair, this may not work. My DD also sleeps in a silk cap to help prevent as many tangles as possible.

 

I shower in the morning most of the time because if I don't, I feel greasy all day. If I've done something that has caused me to sweat during the day, I may do a quick rinse off at night without wetting my hair.

[Amy in NH]

We do evening because I don't want a stinky kid in a nice, clean bed.

 

:iagree: Also, keeping the pillow case clean of oils should lessen breakouts.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

:iagree: Also, keeping the pillow case clean of oils should lessen breakouts.

 

 

If she has "black" hair, she needs satin pillowcases to keep her hair from drying out and tangling up. Also, if the hair is not braided, a couple of plaits should be put in at bedtime to keep it tangle free and easier to comb in the morning.

[Pod's mum]

Hello, I don't post often.

I voted other.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Pod's mum
removed personal details

[LucyStoner]

I thought braids done well could last at least a week?

 

Longer than that. But it is time consuming. I used to take my friend's child to get hers done if my friend could not get off work and we would be there most of a day.

 

Are there no shops that work well with AA hair in your area at all? Ask around, often moms and skilled people who braid work out of their homes as a total side business. The woman I took my friend's daughter just worked out of her eat-in kitchen. No sign, no phone book listing.

[Ottakee]

Do you have a Sally's Beauty Supply place near you? If so, try there for great products for her hair and ask them for ideas of someone that might do her hair for you.

 

I had a foster daughter that was Native American/African American and her hair was a total MESS when she came. I just walked into Sally's with her and said HELP. She was only with us a few weeks but we did make progress.

[stripe]

There's a difference. Generally white girls have to fix their hair every day. Depending on the style, black girls can wear their hair a certain way for a day up to two weeks. But the styling takes much longer. 2-3 hours at best for washing, conditioning, braiding (or whatever), then daily maintenance takes less time.

Many black moms don't do this sort of styling. Not all black girls have this type of braiding. It is also fairly tight, which can stress the hair. There are other styles than that, and plenty of regular moms do looser kinds of braids daily. This is what my family members do.

 

I don't think the OP should feel all normal black moms do this and therefore feel negligent because she can't. I think shaving off her hair is very extreme and I highly recommend against it. It seems almost cruel to me.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

If she has "black" hair, she needs satin pillowcases to keep her hair from drying out and tangling up. Also, if the hair is not braided, a couple of plaits should be put in at bedtime to keep it tangle free and easier to comb in the morning.

 

What is the bolded? She does have satin pillowcases, and a sleep cap. According to my mother (who is a hairdresser), dd's hair is more black than white.

 

Longer than that. But it is time consuming. I used to take my friend's child to get hers done if my friend could not get off work and we would be there most of a day.

 

Are there no shops that work well with AA hair in your area at all? Ask around, often moms and skilled people who braid work out of their homes as a total side business. The woman I took my friend's daughter just worked out of her eat-in kitchen. No sign, no phone book listing.

 

There is nothing around here. It's very strange to me having grown up on Long Island (very, very diverse). I will make a hair day the next time we visit Long Island.

 

Do you have a Sally's Beauty Supply place near you? If so, try there for great products for her hair and ask them for ideas of someone that might do her hair for you.

 

I had a foster daughter that was Native American/African American and her hair was a total MESS when she came. I just walked into Sally's with her and said HELP. She was only with us a few weeks but we did make progress.

 

We truly have nothing around here, but I have done some research and have a lot of products for her hair. I'm also ordering a few books from amazon about black hair and hairstyles.

 

Many black moms don't do this sort of styling. Not all black girls have this type of braiding. It is also fairly tight, which can stress the hair. There are other styles than that, and plenty of regular moms do looser kinds of braids daily. This is what my family members do.

 

I don't think the OP should feel all normal black moms do this and therefore feel negligent because she can't. I think shaving off her hair is very extreme and I highly recommend against it. It seems almost cruel to me.

 

Shaving her hair was never on my radar. She's had short hair before and it looks very cute because of the curl. The ONLY braids I can do are 2 or 3 big braids, and I need to learn how to do more!

 

I get up, shower, wash and condition my hair, brush, throw it in a ponytail and call it a day. This is not how dd's hair should be treated.

 

Her hair is so dry (or something else) right now that even after putting conditioner in it, it is "squeaky"!

[JessReplanted]

I voted evening FOR YOU because that seems to fit your schedule.

 

I have been known to put a kid in the shower mid-day, so the business of it will not get lost if the evening skitters off agenda. Another benefit of home schooling. :D

 

 

:iagree:

[TXMomof4]

My kids do evening showers because they play outside most days.

 

:iagree: My kids stink by the end of the day. I'd be washing sheets every day if they slept in them smelling like they do by bedtime.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

What is the bolded? She does have satin pillowcases, and a sleep cap. According to my mother (who is a hairdresser), dd's hair is more black than white

 

Plaits are just big loose braids. My Mom used to part our hair in four corners and put it in a moisturizer and four big braids so that the hair could just be unraveled and combed in the morning.

 

My Mom always combed our hair every day. I now comb my hair every day. We only had loose braids if we were going to camp and Mom wouldn't be able to comb our hair for a few days. She sometimes corn rolled our hair if we were spending the night at a non-black friend's house. She hated when we came home looking like "who done it and why.". LOL

 

Is there a hair supply place near you that sells wigs, weaves, and bulk braiding hair? In our shops like that, hair stylists leave their business cards with the owner. Usually they have pretty reasonable rates because they usually work out of their homes.

 

Be sure you and her agree before cutting her hair super short. This is HIGHLY emotional for little black girls. It could be a source of PTSD if done against her will or without her prior knowledge.

[Mom22ns]

I prefer morning showers but take them when I can squeeze them in, dd takes hers in the evening after gymnastics, ds has started taking his in the afternoon after he runs.

 

I voted for evening because I think it is generally easier to enforce for someone else, but you can also be on the lookout for a way to signal her, a time in her schedule where it makes sense for HER.