Did you marry a personality or a soul

[love2read]

Poll prompted by the threads on the brain damaged husband triangle and the wife with dementia and divorce.

Edited January 29, 2012 by love2read

[Bang!Zoom!]

I vote #3, "other".

 

That first one didn't work out so well. There will not be a second.

[Parrothead]

Neither. I married the man. I knew who he was and who he could be. I don't believe in the whole soul mate thing.

[aggieamy]

Neither. I married the man. I knew who he was and who he could be. I don't believe in the whole soul mate thing.

 

Ditto. Married the man.

[Ipsey]

Neither.

 

I married my husband as a whole. I think "personality" is inadequate, and I think "soul" is ambiguous enough to be essentially meaningless.

 

He is a sum total that is more than his parts.

 

All together, they make the man I married.

 

There would be a certain threshold of "parts" that, were he to lose them, he would no longer be the same person.

[Xuzi]

Neither. I married the man. I knew who he was and who he could be. I don't believe in the whole soul mate thing.

 

I don't think the OP was referring to "soul mates", but rather if you married the essence of that person. Like even if they were permanently brain damaged or became seriously ill or otherwise "changed" by circumstances beyond their control, it's still "them" beneath that change. They're still "there", but are suppressed by the Alzheimers or the brain damage, etc.

 

I believe I married my husband's soul. I come from a probably very different perspective on this, because I'm of a faith that believes in Eternal Marriage, and a Resurrection that includes the complete restoration of our bodies to their most perfect form. So, even if disease or injury were to rob me of the enjoyment of my husband's Spirit, I'd know I'd only have to wait a bit, and I'd have him back. Of course it wouldn't be *easy*,but I think I'd have a hard time "moving on" if he were still physically here (and probably even if he wasn't).

[NotAVampireLvr]

confused by your options, but I married DH for better or worse.

 

I was pleasantly surprised when I discussed the other thread with DH and he said that he was in it for the long haul. Before we became Christians we talked very openly about this and we had both encouraged each other to "move on" if we were in similar circumstances. I'm glad to know that we've both matured together in that respect.

[HRAAB]

Neither. I married the man. I knew who he was and who he could be. I don't believe in the whole soul mate thing.

 

I married a man with a soul. :iagree: with the bolded above.

 

eta: For better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. (I probably need to read the other thread so I understand where the question is coming from.)

Edited January 29, 2012 by Ishki

[swellmomma]

Neither.

 

I married my husband as a whole. I think "personality" is inadequate, and I think "soul" is ambiguous enough to be essentially meaningless.

 

He is a sum total that is more than his parts.

 

All together, they make the man I married.

 

There would be a certain threshold of "parts" that, were he to lose them, he would no longer be the same person.

 

:iagree:

[LucyStoner]

I married my husband as a whole. I think "personality" is inadequate, and I think "soul" is ambiguous enough to be essentially meaningless.

 

He is a sum total that is more than his parts.

 

 

:iagree:

[Stages]

I'm not religious, and I believe the "soul" resides in the brain. If something happens to that brain that completely changes the core of that person, then the "soul" is dead, regardless of the state of the body.

 

If my husband were to have an injury that caused him to forget our life together and no longer desire/be able to create a new life with me, then, for all practical purposes, my husband would be dead. There would be a new, different person walking around in his body.

 

ETA: I realized I didn't answer the question. I married the person that his brain created. If you want to call that a personality (I wouldn't), or if you want to call it a soul, whatever. I married the core of who he is, which, by extreme illness or injury, can be lost/changed.

Edited January 29, 2012 by Stages

[Ester Maria]

I voted personality, because from a factual standpoint, I married a person who he was then, not some kind of a vague "potential" or "essence".

[Daisy]

The option of "personality at that moment" kinda cracks me up. Are any of us married still to what that man or woman was BACK THEN?

 

It's been 17yrs. My husband and I are very different from our 25 and 21 year old selves. We change every day and every day we wake up and say the same thing, "Today, I decide to love you."

 

"Soul" doesn't quite capture it either. I married a flesh and blood man with a personality and a spirit.

 

I'm committed to him. Period. I'm not committed to just his looks or his personality or to some nebulous spirit. I married all of him.

 

And as he changes, I change. As I change, he changes. We are one. Anything else is beyond my reckoning.

[Iucounu]

"Other"-- a SSN and a set of genitals.

[Dmmetler]

My answer-Yes. I married a personality, a soul, a body, a level of intellectual development, and everything else that made DH the man I loved and still love. I cannot say, with 100% assurance, that there are no situations in which he could change so much that he would, literally, no longer be the man I love and married. I really hope that's never tested.

[swellmomma]

"Other"-- a SSN and a set of genitals.

 

Oh that's exactly right. How did you know? As long as a man has a good size package and a job I'll shack up with him. Doesn't matter what kind of a man he is.

 

In fact I am on the hunt for a new husband. Maybe I will start flipping kilts and checking out what they have to offer to find me a good one.

[ereks mom]

I believe that a human being IS a soul, and that each soul has a spirit, but soul and spirit are not the same thing. Obviously (I think), I voted other.

Edited January 30, 2012 by ereks mom

[TranquilMind]

Neither.

 

I married my husband as a whole. I think "personality" is inadequate, and I think "soul" is ambiguous enough to be essentially meaningless.

 

He is a sum total that is more than his parts.

 

All together, they make the man I married.

 

There would be a certain threshold of "parts" that, were he to lose them, he would no longer be the same person.

 

And so...what? If he is "not the same person", do you stay married to him (assuming no violence here).

[VeganCupcake]

Neither.

 

I married my husband as a whole. I think "personality" is inadequate, and I think "soul" is ambiguous enough to be essentially meaningless.

 

He is a sum total that is more than his parts.

 

All together, they make the man I married.

 

There would be a certain threshold of "parts" that, were he to lose them, he would no longer be the same person.

 

This.

[The Girls' Mom]

I answered soul, but it's more complicated than that. I made a vow of "until DEATH do us part". Not until he is incapacitated beyond what I deem acceptable. He will have to be dead in the ground before I would move on to another.

 

I did not always have that opinion, but once I became a Christian, that vow means so much more to me.

[Tigger]

Neither. I married the man. I knew who he was and who he could be. I don't believe in the whole soul mate thing.

 

yuppers

[laundrycrisis]

I do not believe that we engage in "marriage" as we know it at the soul level.

[mytwomonkeys]

i missed the other threads so i'm not sure what those topics covered. however, i think i married both his personality and his being. the man i married was full of life and personality, but if he lost that due to disease or brain damage, he is definitely still my husband. it wouldn't be an ideal marriage, but i would not abandon him or divorce him. til death do us part.

[PrincessMommy]

The option of "personality at that moment" kinda cracks me up. Are any of us married still to what that man or woman was BACK THEN?

 

It's been 17yrs. My husband and I are very different from our 25 and 21 year old selves. We change every day and every day we wake up and say the same thing, "Today, I decide to love you."

 

"Soul" doesn't quite capture it either. I married a flesh and blood man with a personality and a spirit.

 

I'm committed to him. Period. I'm not committed to just his looks or his personality or to some nebulous spirit. I married all of him.

 

And as he changes, I change. As I change, he changes. We are one. Anything else is beyond my reckoning.

 

This is what I was thinking. We've both changed in the 25+ years of marriage...some good, some.... not so much ;).

 

I don't really understand the original poll. Are you asking my religious beliefs in this matter or that when I got married what was my motivation?

[scrapbabe]

I don't think the OP was referring to "soul mates", but rather if you married the essence of that person. Like even if they were permanently brain damaged or became seriously ill or otherwise "changed" by circumstances beyond their control, it's still "them" beneath that change. They're still "there", but are suppressed by the Alzheimers or the brain damage, etc.

 

I believe I married my husband's soul. I come from a probably very different perspective on this, because I'm of a faith that believes in Eternal Marriage, and a Resurrection that includes the complete restoration of our bodies to their most perfect form. So, even if disease or injury were to rob me of the enjoyment of my husband's Spirit, I'd know I'd only have to wait a bit, and I'd have him back. Of course it wouldn't be *easy*,but I think I'd have a hard time "moving on" if he were still physically here (and probably even if he wasn't).

 

:iagree:

[AK_Mom4]

Neither. I married the man. I knew who he was and who he could be. I don't believe in the whole soul mate thing.

:iagree:

[Ester Maria]

This is what I was thinking. We've both changed in the 25+ years of marriage...some good, some.... not so much ;).

Of course, but *at that point* when you were getting married, you married somebody who was a concrete person... which then changed and evolved over time... but they were still a person at that point in time. That was my reasoning behind answering the poll, at least. :tongue_smilie:

[MHowell]

I had to vote other. Honestly I'm not really sure how to answer that question. :confused:

[Ipsey]

And so...what? If he is "not the same person", do you stay married to him (assuming no violence here).

 

 

 

Did he have serious brain trauma where he has no memory of me or our marriage, family, children, etc. (This is a fundamental part of who he is, to my mind) Is he dangerous to our family? I'd want to do my best to care for him, but our relationship would probably not be that of a husband-wife as it was before.

 

Now, there are all sorts of in-betweens. For instance, if he lost both his legs, he's not a different person--not fundamentally. I'd see no reason that our marriage wouldn't continue.

 

There are billions of possibilities. I'm not interested in delineating all of them--or even as many as I can think of. I reckon they'd be different for even those of us who can see the gray areas in this issue.

 

eta: Oh, you said, "no violence". Still stands. If he's not the same person, I'll do my best to care for him, but the husband I had would have wanted someone to care for me back--yes, he told me this.

Edited January 30, 2012 by Ipsey

[Laurie4b]

I answered soul, but it's more complicated than that. I made a vow of "until DEATH do us part". Not until he is incapacitated beyond what I deem acceptable. He will have to be dead in the ground before I would move on to another.

 

.

 

:iagree: For better , or for worse, as well. It's about a promise made and keeping the promise. It's about commitment. One can find fulfillment in keeping a promise, in being faithful, even if there is no obvious environmental 'payback".

[DawnM]

I don't think I understand the question.

[susankenny]

Where's the "money" option?? I married for money!:tongue_smilie:

 

 

Susan

[swellmomma]

Where's the "money" option?? I married for money!:tongue_smilie:

 

 

Susan

 

I have joked many times that if I ever remarry it will be for money. Love is over rated, it comes and goes. But I am sick of being poor ;):tongue_smilie:

[MamaT]

I don't think I understand the question.

 

Me either. :confused:

[susankenny]

I have joked many times that if I ever remarry it will be for money. Love is over rated, it comes and goes. But I am sick of being poor ;):tongue_smilie:

 

LOL. I always joke and tell my husband I stay with him because I don't want to work:D

 

 

Susan

[Joker]

I don't think I understand the question.

 

I don't think I do either. I married dh because of who we both were at the time. I also knew we would change as we aged but I felt, because of who we were then, that we would mostly change and grow in the same directions. I didn't marry his spirit/soul and I didn't marry his personality. I married the man.

[sandellie4]

The option of "personality at that moment" kinda cracks me up. Are any of us married still to what that man or woman was BACK THEN?

 

It's been 17yrs. My husband and I are very different from our 25 and 21 year old selves. We change every day and every day we wake up and say the same thing, "Today, I decide to love you."

 

"Soul" doesn't quite capture it either. I married a flesh and blood man with a personality and a spirit.

 

I'm committed to him. Period. I'm not committed to just his looks or his personality or to some nebulous spirit. I married all of him.

 

And as he changes, I change. As I change, he changes. We are one. Anything else is beyond my reckoning.

 

:iagree: Yep, this is my husband and me.

 

Sandy

[OrganicAnn]

Intelligent and sexy (at least to me) that's what I married.

 

I do know someone who's husband was in a car crash (he was some kind of amateur race car driver). He had brain injuries and though he recovered it really changed his personality. The husband and wife divorced and both married other people. I met the husband several years later in a class. He really did have a different personality. I was so strange to see someone look the same (only older), but have such a different personality. I can't imagine what that would be like within a marriage.

 

I just hope others don't ever have to go through that.

[Audrey]

Other. I married a whole person. A person isn't black and white, this or that, static. A person grows and evolves throughout his/her life. I signed on for the whole journey with the whole person.

 

 

ETA: I understand this is a spin-off of the other thread, and I don't think I'd do what that woman did. I think I'd stay married to my dh and that would be that. While I love being married to my dh, I don't love the idea of marriage. I didn't want to get married, but then dh came along and was like a dog on a bone, wouldn't give up on me. I'm glad for that, but I have no interest in ever doing it again. I don't like most people enough to spend a weekend with them, let alone share a home and decades with them.

Edited January 30, 2012 by Audrey

[Mommyfaithe]

Ummmm...neither/ both...lol.

I married my best friend, my lover, my joy. He is a package...like I am. He is not just one or the other.

Faithe

[Nakia]

I really don't understand the question either.

 

I will tell you I married Patrick because I was freakin' crazy about him. I had no idea what kind of husband and father he would be, but I just knew he was THE ONE. LOL.

 

Over the past 14 years, it has turned into so much more, of course. It's not as simple as being in love with his personality (because there are parts I really don't love) or his soul. It's about commitment and a deep bond that can't be broken or explained. It's about building a life together. It's about a promise to stay together through whatever life throws at us. And I love him more than anything in the world. :001_smile:

 

Side note from the other thread: There's only room for three in this marriage. God, Patrick, and me.

[mommaduck]

I married a soul that came with a body ;)

 

I married my husband for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health. Yep, those were the vows. Sickness can do a lot of things to our personality, but we are essentially the same person even if we seem "changed". I would not leave my husband, nor have another relationship while, because of any health issue that may seem to "take him away" from me or being who/what he was before. He also would be the same for me. Though, I will add that he has also stated that he will never marry again should something happen to me...yes, he's really that type.

Edited January 30, 2012 by mommaduck