Mommie_Jen Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I've had so many people tell me that I need to be writing "all this" down. I joke and say that I have a book in the works and the title is either "You're the reason Mommy drinks" :lol: (I don't drink at all, actually, it's just funny to me) or "No Licking Your Brother in the Bathtub and other strange sayings of motherhood". I'm trying to think of a serious one, but can't yet. What would yours be, funny or serious? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inmyopinion Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 "How to Provide you Children with Examples to Bring up in Therapy " I am always telling my kids "you can bring that up in therapy" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Irritating little darlings (How I survived my children's childhood) :auto::auto::auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommie_Jen Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 :lol::lol: Those are hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 The 10 Tools (Literally!) Every Parent Needs It will have chapters on what the best tool is to extract corn from your toddler's nose, what instrument you should use to pry a matchbox car from the toilet hole, which pliers are best for removing unauthorized belly piercings, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 "How to Provide you Children with Examples to Bring up in Therapy " I am always telling my kids "you can bring that up in therapy" :D My mom was very fond of telling us, "save it for your therapist." We were not any of us in therapy, but I guess she figured the rate we were going we'd all need it! DH has told me our book would be titled, You Can't Make This Crap Up! I think he is over exaggerating a touch. I think My Sweet Angels (why my walls are rubber padded) is MUCH closer to our reality! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 My first thought was "how I got committed / incarcerated." How about "Terrorist to Teenager" - oh wait, that would be too confusing. "Always keep a bag packed for a hasty retreat." (I vow to spend my daughters' 13th year in some isolated meditation spot in the far east.) "They're gonna hate you for something no matter what you do." ... Unfortunately I don't think I have enough wisdom to publish a book, but some books I'd be willing to read would be titled, e.g.,: "Respect for Parents - It's Not a Pipe Dream." "Raising kids who know where the laundry hamper is." "100,000 ways to say 'yes, I love you as much as your sister.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I was joking around with friends about this just the other day. I settled on "Anthem of the Curelom Mom". (Tiger mothers had been discussed. :) ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 The 10 Tools (Literally!) Every Parent Needs It will have chapters on what the best tool is to extract corn from your toddler's nose, what instrument you should use to pry a matchbox car from the toilet hole, which pliers are best for removing unauthorized belly piercings, etc. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommie_Jen Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 The 10 Tools (Literally!) Every Parent Needs It will have chapters on what the best tool is to extract corn from your toddler's nose, what instrument you should use to pry a matchbox car from the toilet hole, which pliers are best for removing unauthorized belly piercings, etc. That would make a great baby shower gift! Scare the poor mom to death while everyone who has kids just laughs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 That's funny - my SIL and I have just discussed what would be one phrase we would say after each birth. Child #1: "Do you mean, I actually take her with me? Home? Are you sure about that?" Child #2: "Please, let me stay just one more day here, in the hospital. Pretty please?" Child #3: " Let me out of here, I have a ton of laundry to do." :tongue_smilie: I guess the title of my parenting book would be "Clueless". :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I just borrowed a book from the library titled "Life Among the Savages". I thought that sounded like an accurate description. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 How to Cure Insanity: A Guide to Helping Your Kids Move Out at 18 I Still Don't Speak Whinese A History of My Family in 10 Drinks Puppies Are Easier :lol:I really do love these little snots. I even like them most days;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 It Has To Be There Somewhere. Keep Looking. Then I'd tell all about the adventures of lost and found things -- including my sanity at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Voluntary Insanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Super Mom, Super Wife, Super Tired Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 With a marketing nod to the OCD moms out there: Children Are Not To Be Filed Alphabetically Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Stop Driving Trains on the Track Until I'm Done Building It! and Other Things You Never Dreamed Would Drive You Crazy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 It Has To Be There Somewhere. Keep Looking. Then I'd tell all about the adventures of lost and found things -- including my sanity at times. Do you promise to have a chapter titled, "It Didn't Just Get Up and Walk Away"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 These are totally hilarious! I think we should joint-project a WTM tome of motherhood...although we probably can't say "Well-Trained Mind"; SWB might not want to claim affiliation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I'm still alive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I'm still alive. See, now, that's just tempting fate. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 See, now, that's just tempting fate. :) :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 someone please send me to my room( alone) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Mine is going to be called "Time In" it is about nonpunitive parenting, focusing on your child's strength, and spending time with them doing the activities they are passionate about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teacher Mom Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 How to Parent Someone Smarter Than You (The Teen Years) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingHope Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 My dream book would be: Multitasking for Dummies: How to set up set a biology disection, build a chicken coop, iron four slacks, corral a toddler, balance a telephone on one shoulder, mop the floor, get a kite off the roof, and manage other incidental tasks while making dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Sleep Will Come Later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Mine is going to be Proof that Girls Can Get Into as Much Mischief as Boys (The Cora Chronicles). It will complete with photographs because I have a lot of documentation. My other one will be Just Try to Survive. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizaG Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I Still Don't Speak Whinese It Has To Be There Somewhere. Keep Looking. :lol: A couple of years ago, I was thinking about writing a spoof of those picture-perfect Catholic large-family homeschool mom blogs (in which, say, an adorably tousled toddler is concentrating on some sort of Montessori tweezing activity, while a couple of older girls are decorating freshly baked bread rolls made in the shape of a saint's symbol, and the entire scene is bathed in the glow of morning light passing through colored bottle glass next to a frosty window pane). But I never got beyond the title, so I guess I'll offer it here instead: Possibly Pregnant, Can't Find My Shoes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 It Has To Be There Somewhere. Keep Looking. Then I'd tell all about the adventures of lost and found things -- including my sanity at times. Sleep Will Come Later. The 10 Tools (Literally!) Every Parent Needs It will have chapters on what the best tool is to extract corn from your toddler's nose, what instrument you should use to pry a matchbox car from the toilet hole, which pliers are best for removing unauthorized belly piercings, etc. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkaapcke Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Positive Parenting; The Way To Raise Successful Children Really; It,s the only way to go. bk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'll Sleep When I'm Dead And Why Moms Always Need to Pee: A Million and One Injuries, Interuptions, and Disasters that Happen When My Butt Touches the Toilet Seat. (Seriously. I swear the most dangerous thing I do is risk going to pee before dh gets home. Runner up is trying to get a nap. Third place is answering the phone.:glare:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'll Sleep When I'm Dead And Why Moms Always Need to Pee: A Million and One Injuries, Interuptions, and Disasters that Happen When My Butt Touches the Toilet Seat. (Seriously. I swear the most dangerous thing I do is risk going to pee before dh gets home. Runner up is trying to get a nap. Third place is answering the phone.:glare:) :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 :D My mom was very fond of telling us, "save it for your therapist." We were not any of us in therapy, but I guess she figured the rate we were going we'd all need it! DH has told me our book would be titled, You Can't Make This Crap Up! I think he is over exaggerating a touch. I think My Sweet Angels (why my walls are rubber padded) is MUCH closer to our reality! :tongue_smilie: My mom says that about my situation all the time. I have been told I should be writing it all down too, or that one day I should write a book about raising kids with the issues mine have. Maybe if I can get to the bottom of it and make the issues work for us and not against us I will. My title would be close to the above I think. Or how about "Honest I am not trolling for attention: When your life raising kids is so unbelievable you think you are trolling yourself" Or I could go with the title "Raise you kids my way: or visit them in prison" At least that would be an honest title :lol: Most parenting books I have read particularily ones about displine and special needs have this undertone anyway, may as well call it that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 You're Not the Mother I Thought You Were or Mean Old Hag These are things my kids have said to me at around the age of 6 or 7 in frustration. My ds is now horrified that he could have called me a mean old hag. The phrase still makes me smile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'll Sleep When I'm Dead And Why Moms Always Need to Pee: A Million and One Injuries, Interuptions, and Disasters that Happen When My Butt Touches the Toilet Seat. (Seriously. I swear the most dangerous thing I do is risk going to pee before dh gets home. Runner up is trying to get a nap. Third place is answering the phone.:glare:) :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 How I became my mother (Despite swearing I never would) Do not play on the roof! (101 rules you never thought you would make before becoming a mother) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 "How to Provide you Children with Examples to Bring up in Therapy " I am always telling my kids "you can bring that up in therapy" I am always telling my kids to add it to "the list of things my mother did wrong" so when they are in therapy it will save them time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Monosyllabic Parenting: Tips & Tricks to Reduce Your Vocabulary and Overcome Your Compulsion to Explain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 :lol:I've always wanted to start a band called, "The Migraine Mothers" and the years of the band, "Snotty Christian Girls". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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