Stay at home moms...

[learningmama]

I think the medical coding idea is great. I took some classes, but wish I would have gotten a degree in it. I did work for a few insurance/medical companies years ago doing data entry with codes and such and it paid well for not having a degree.

 

 

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

YES! This is what I always wanted to do. My dh and I never wanted me to work when the kids came along.

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom?

No. DH and I don't have fancy tastes for houses, cars, electronics, etc so we don't feel as it we are missing out. DH is even in grad school now and I don't work so we live on a grad loan and savings account.

 

Do you work and homeschool?

Nope

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?

Nope. I'm a homebody. Each week the kids and I go to Walmart and the farmer's market and church. Playground is weekly and then we will go the library , beach, etc as time allows. We take several walks each week too.

Edited December 12, 2011 by learningmama

[UnsinkableKristen]

OP, I don't know you or your situation at all, so I'm not assuming anything. I'm just speaking generally:

 

I love being a SAHM and always wanted to spend my life that way, but there's some realistic thinking required for a teenaged girl making plans.

 

First, being a SAHM presupposes a husband who has the same priorities and the income to support a family on his own. He must exist, in the first place, and he must be willing and able to 100% share the preference of a SAHM in the home.

 

If that young man hasn't arrived and made that commitment (complete with vows and a ring, usually, depending on beliefs), no woman should eschew all other plans for something that just doesn't exist in her life.

 

Wanting to be a wife and mother does not guarantee a husband or children.

 

Starting married life as a SAHM doesn't guarantee that staying home will always be possible. A husband could die, or be unemployed or unemployable for a long time...many things could happen.

 

So the question becomes this: If I know that my preference is to someday be a stay-at-home wife and mother, how can I prepare to support myself (and any future children) without going into such debt or commitment to education or training that I'll never be able to realize my SAHM dream even if I find an agreeable husband?

 

My answer to that question was vocational school. I chose something in the medical field that I found to be fulfilling and interesting. I enjoyed school and work, and I was very content in that career choice until I met and married DH. We preferred for me to be a SAHM. I had already paid my (small) debts for vocational training, so I was able to quit without having student loans hanging over my head. I had also lived frugally, so there was no real lifestyle lost or credit card debt when I stopped working.

 

If you think Prince Charming will come along (and have a great job in this recession), there's no reason not to prepare your emotions, education, skills, and character to be a SAHM. Even if that dream comes true, you should still prepare to support yourself and any future dependents anyway. You just never know.

 

:iagree: (bolding mine)

 

 

It is fantastic to want to be a Stay At Home Mom, but that isn't entirely dependent upon you. I know of a great many women who didn't get married until later in life, and if they had spent decades just...waiting...they would have been pretty miserable. Instead, they got an education, got jobs they enjoyed, and made wonderful friends. The one person I know who only ever wanted to get married - and nothing else - is still waiting for that to happen and still miserable.

 

Marriage and kids are wonderful, but they aren't guaranteed by God. So choose carefully how you want to spend your time. If Medical coding and such are very enjoyable to you, by all means, go forth and have a blast! But don't settle at 16 for something just to mark time. You have no way of knowing how long you'll be waiting.

[Dmmetler]

:lurk5:

 

I'll be watching this-I've been working PT as a university adjunct professor (and sometimes curriculum writer) since DD was 6 months old (I left the public schools when I was a few months pregnant with her, took a 1 year total leave, and then went back to the university job), and will be officially a FT SAHM at the start of Spring semester once my current contract expires. I'm struggling a bit at the idea that instead of going into a break, I'm actually not going back.

 

I hope I really enjoy being home with her full-time and not missing things because I'm working, and it will definitely make HSing easier-but so much of "me" is tied up in my job that I'm not quite sure who I am anymore, if that makes any sense.

[Stratford]

Since having my first kiddo, I have worked full-time, part-time, and stayed home and various points in time. Currently, I work 2 nights a week on the weekend (I'm an RN) and am home during the week with the kids. We are homeschooling the oldest and plan to continue with the other 2 as they get older.

 

I love being at home. I love spending time with my kids. I feel fortunate that I've never had them in daycare. I like to be at home, but I have plenty of friends if I need to "get out" and do something.

 

I also love having a part-time job. Two main reasons I like to work. One, I enjoy the added income. I feel more secure with the additional money each month, plus it allows us to do some things we might not otherwise do, like travel. Two, I feel more secure knowing that if DH lost his job, I would be able to support our family. I've kept my skill set up to date and could easily transition to full time work if needed.

 

Staying at home is no sacrifice for me. I sacrifice more by going to work - I do miss being away from home (mostly miss time with DH on the weekends as I don't see him much during the week) plus that is my "me-time" and it is hardly relaxing or rejuvenating to be at work.

[TexasRachel]

I think growing up I always figured I would work once the kids were in school, after all that's what everyone did. Except my mom. But I'm smart so of course I would work or I would be wasting myself. :tongue_smilie::glare::lol: I worked briefly when dd14 was about a year old. I liked my job, but it was just office work. My mom watched dd and I got more and more jealous of her for being to be able to be around my dd. Soon after I quit DH got a much better paying job so it didn't matter anymore. DH makes a lot of money but it requires long hours that change often and some traveling. If I worked my salary would go almost entirely to childcare because I can't count on him to be around. There's no point in me working.

 

It did take me some time to get fully into being a sahm, but I stay home because I am my kids mom. I would even if we didn't homeschool. I want to be there for them, not someone else.i don't regret it ever. Even when I want to pull my hair out.

[PeacefulChaos]

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom? Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom? Do you work and homeschool? Or do you just stay at home and homeschool? Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?

 

 

1. Yes. It was never really the 'path' that I had chosen for myself, it chose me. (Much the way homeschooling did ;) ) But I couldn't be more content with our life.

2. No. I didn't have a job that I was passionate about, and I wasn't really 'set in my ways' career wise when I began having kids. Obviously, being a SAHM is still very rewarding either way, but for me it wasn't a sacrifice. I do hear from a LOT of moms who waited til they were thirty to have kids - therefore already having had jobs that they were used to, etc - who now have a lot of issues with it. They've struggled with it much more than I have.

3. No. I don't work.

4. Yes. I'm not the type of person who can stay at home all the time and be happy. However, they aren't all necessarily 'homeschooling' activities - many of them are the same things we were doing before. But we are very involved at church, etc, and are usually busy 3-5 nights a week. Between that and our children's extracurricular sports/activities in spring/summer/fall, we manage to stay quite busy. There's a variance with seasons that is nice, too, because we're just finishing up another busy season this week and will hit a sudden stop on about the 19th. :) Then we'll be relatively easy going until about February or March, when spring stuff kicks up, both extracurricular-wise and at church.

[YLVD]

....still thinking, sorry...

 

I don't think a woman should focus on preparing herself to attract a certain kind of man. Watch Mona Lisa Smile to see what I mean.

 

I do think she should work very hard on being exactly who she wants to be, whoever that is. She should better herself, broaden her thinking and experiences, meet people, and have something to say for herself. Education and work experience are obvious ways to achieve that growth.

 

If a girl 'finds herself' she's much more likely to also find someone else compatible with herself.

 

:iagree:

[YLVD]

A couple of thoughts:

 

 

Those are not the only two options. It is possible to be a mother working outside the home without being a workaholic.

 

I was a SAHM for several years when my children were little. I enjoyed it some of the time, but after a few years I became severely depressed. I felt lonely, cut off, unappreciated, not using my talents, felt my brain turn to mush (I have a PhD in theoretical physics and really missed the analytical thinking and scientific research). It was a rough time for our family and marriage.

I got better when I started to work part time, and I have been a better mother and wife since then, because I am happy - I am more patient and I enjoy the time with my children more since I am not stuck with them 24/7.

I work part time and homeschool. With that, I do not need any additional outside activities, because my job fulfills my need to be with people and gives me the intellectual stimulation I need.

 

So, staying home was not the best choice for me and my family.

It may be a great choice for you. However, you won't know for sure until you actually are at that point.

 

Similar experience here

 

I was a SAHM when my DD was a baby, then finished college and had a career.

 

I was able to have a career and became a single mom. I never worked more than 40 hours. I loved my career.

 

I hated being a SAHM, I'm so not well suited to it daily. I hate and dread all domestic tasks. I loved the workplace and my DD and did both well. I homeschooled as a single mom and did it as a working mom but she was in middle school.

 

That said, I'm a part time WAHM right now. My DD is a teen though. I had to leave my previous career for health reasons and while working at home is nice, I really really miss having a professional career.

 

Also, you are way too young to close the door on college. It's crucial, IMO, that you be able to support yourself well as there are no guarantees that you will get married and there are no guarantees that you will stay married. Oh and I won't even get started on education. I put myself through university as a single mom, that was one of the best things I ever did for myself

Edited December 12, 2011 by YLVD

[*********]

"Marry well" - sounds like a great plan - so says the single, 45yo (but so happy) mom.

 

I most certainly believed Prince Charming would come and carry me away. Prince Charming apparently did not get that memo. (Or who knows, maybe he got delayed at some medieval town and is still on his way.)

 

Don't burn your bridges. Marry well if you have the choice - be strong in case you don't.

 

Ah, sound advice.

 

I don't have a daughter (I have a stepdaughter whom I love dearly, but does not want my input on her life plans at all), but if I did, this is what I would want her to do:

 

Learn a skill or trade or get a degree that can support her without a husband, but also be flexible/useful enough so that she could work part time to bring in income in the case that her dh was unemployed for a time, or when her children are grown or whatever. I think something in the medical field would usually fit the bill nicely.

 

I'd want her to get the training/degree before getting married if possible, so that once she's a wife, she can focus on her home, an only use her income earning skills if need be.

 

I realize this is not for everyone, but it's what I wish I would have done, and what I would be teachiing a daughter if I had one.

[iquilt]

We had always planned that I would stay at home once we had children back before we were married. We discussed our priorities quite a bit before we were married, including how much money we thought we would want to be "happy" and did we need to drive new cars and where did we want to live. Very important discussions that I'm ever so thankful we had before we married. We had a bumpy road to parent hood and it took a lot longer than we thought but I've now been a SAHM for over 10 years. The face of my job has changed so much in the last 10 years, too. It was very hard to be home all day with a new baby who didn't even speak to me so we went out nearly everyday on errands, just to have a plan for the day. Later I found some other SAHM's and we formed playgroups with our babies and the newer siblings as they arrived. That helped a lot! I always thought I couldn't wait for mine to go off to school everyday but that only lasted for the first two months of K for our oldest. It's been homeschooling ever since.

 

As far as sacrifices, I think every choice involves sacrifices. DH has always worked very hard, holds two degrees and owns his own business. There were many financial sacrifices for years that are now paying off. Also smart decisions to avoid credit cards and other forms of debt have really paid off now and for our futures. We have always made savings a top priority.

 

I do quilt, as is self-explanatory, but I was a quilter long before I was a SAHM. I have always had quilting, sewing, and more recently, knitting, to provide creative outlets for me and as a great way to give presents to others. I also love to read so I make sure to carve out quiet time in our weeks for everyone to read, in addition to our school work.

 

I wanted to add that I also made sure to finish my degree before we were married so that I will always have that for whenever I might need it. I had a full scholarship and would have been throwing away free money to get married first so we waited 3 years.

 

HTH!

Edited December 12, 2011 by iquilt
added something

[StephanieF]

My advice is to make sure that you can support yourself doing something you enjoy and are good at. Life doesn't always work out as you plan it and I didn't start out intending to be at home but I wanted a good career which I chose to give up. I could go back to it if I had to and that makes me feel more comfortable than if I were afraid I wouldn't beable to support myself if I had to.

 

Plan ahead but not to the point where you can't be flexible and change your path if need be. Try to leave as many doors open as possible

Stephanie

[DaffodilDreams]

I was the workaholic mom for a brief period until life made me realize I was needed at home far more than we needed the money. I loved my job, and I do miss a teeny tiny bit of my working life. Truly, though, I love being home with dd far more than I believed possible. I love teaching her, being with her, giving her the stability she needs, etc. It would take a lot for me to decide to give that up and return to work outside the home. Yes, we have sacrificed financially, but that's nothing compared to the sense of family that has developed because I stay home.

 

I don't feel like my years at the university or in the work force were wasted, though. What I learned prepared me to be a better teacher to my own child and to navigate this world more effectively and efficiently. Plus, if I should ever decide to return to the workforce, I do have skills and experience. (I'm keeping up to date in those areas by volunteering while out of the workforce)

 

And, no, I do not "go mad" because I stay home. We have plenty of outside interests and activities, but home is our safe haven. I've found I need time at home in order to be a kinder person when out and about among the masses! Dd needs plenty of downtime as well. We are both introverts, though, so keep that in mind. Perhaps extroverts would have a more difficult time with this, but I can imagine there are so many ways around that - volunteer hours, interest groups, playdates, adult friend outings, continuing ed classes, etc.

 

What I do think is you'll find your needs, desires, etc. will change throughout the years. Just listen to yourself and follow wherever that pure, inner voice leads you.

[justamouse]

I, too, have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom...but a stay-at-home mom with a college degree. I have that and I feel it has blessed my life immeasurably.

 

College is a wonderful experience in and of itself. It allows you to expand your horizons, to explore new things and to meet new people. It's where I met my husband. He also has an excellent job because of his degree, which is what allows me to remain at home and still have a comfortable lifestyle.

 

And here is a bit of brutal (and possibly unpopular) honesty for you. If you want the best possible chance for being a stay-at-home mom....marry well. Marry someone who has the ability, education and motivation to work hard to provide the income you need to stay at home. If you don't, you will struggle. You will constantly have to watch every penny, you will have to deal with the anxiety of whether you should pay the utilities or put food on the table, your children won't have the opportunity to participate in things like music lessons, team sports, extracurricular classes, vacations and travel, etc. Can you have a perfectly happy and content life without those things? Of course...but honestly...it's so much nicer with them.

 

And I'm not talking about the "well we love each other and we have our faith, so we're happy" stuff. I'm speaking of how difficult it is to know that you can't give a child who has an obvious talent (in dance, music, science, etc.) the means to develop it. I'm speaking of the pain of not being able to give your child warm clothing for the winter, because you can't afford a new pair of winter boots or a new coat and they have to wear one of their siblings worn out and outgrown ones. I'm talking of the guilt you feel when you know your child is sick and probably needs antibiotics, but you cannot afford to take them to the doctor, let alone buy medication, because you have no health insurance. I'm talking about the disappointment on your child's face when there is nothing under the Christmas tree this year. These situations are very real, very stressful and can take a terrible toll on a marriage and family.

 

Can a college degree prevent this from happening? No, of course not. But knowing that you want to be a stay-at-home mom means that you should look for a spouse that will have a degree (or trade, or business, or rich parents :D) that will make the above situation a whole lot less likely. If you want to live on only one income, then you need to be smart and make sure your future partner can give you that blessing in your life.

 

I have loved being a stay-at-home mom more than anything. And I'm grateful that I knew I wanted to do that well before I got married. It made my list of criteria when choosing a spouse (and honestly, you should have a list) much different. I wanted a husband who would have a high income and I dated accordingly. And in case anyone thinks that sounds callous or cold...I also found someone who is completely amazing and whom I love with all my heart. We will be married for 24 years in April and they have been happy and wonderful years together. So, to sum it up...as the knight said in "Indiana Jones"...."choose wisely". :lol:

 

Diane, I won't disagree with that entirely. I'm on the beans-and-rice plan, myself, and soooo thankful that the great love DH and I had for each other at the beginning has endured for 16 years. I say that because, frankly, if I didn't truly adore him this life would kind of suck.

 

We do have profoundly talented children who are not getting the opportunities they deserve.

 

We are a little cold, poorly dressed, and slightly hungry.

 

We do live paycheck-to-paycheck, with no guarantees of employment tomorrow. The recession has been hell on DH's vocation. He works as much as he does because of his excellent work ethic and references, and I know he's doing the very best he can.

 

For myself, I wouldn't change a thing, because I would still have wanted him. Money or no money, I'd still choose him.

 

For a daughter (if I had one) I would encourage her to line things up a teeny bit better, materially. And that's where I have a serious problem with marginally educating girls who are destined to be wives and mothers after leaving their father's houses. (Gothard, Vision Forum)

 

Mr. Knightly in Jane Austen's Emma (movie version) sums it up: Despite what they may say to the contrary, men of sense do not want silly wives.

 

Girls who want to be SAHMs need to be attractive to the type of men who make lasting commitments and who also make money. Such a girl will probably be intelligent and educated enough to speak with him about what he cares about. She will be able to dress attractively and fit in with his circles that are likely based around his career.

 

It's a pretty romantic notion that a denim-jumper wearing girl who never even gets through her Algebra I textbook and has never been allowed around anyone outside her family and church will be carried away on horseback by a young man with intelligence, education, and successful career.

 

How does he even find such a girl? Where would he possibly meet her?

 

My friend, Karen Campbell, has addressed this issue on her blog and podcasts at thatmom.com. There is a generation of 25-30 year-old unmarried women living with their fathers because they were unable to meet or attract marriageable men.

 

I realize I'm being opinionated but I hope I'm not being too blunt. I think this is worth considering, for teenaged girls and the mothers of girls.

 

I don' think these posts are opposed, at all. I agree with both of them.

[Rosie_0801]

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

 

Yes and no, lol.

No because I am an introvert and someone is ALWAYS touching me, which is not just annoying, but physically exhausting. I could sit on my tail all day, and still feel as exhausted as if I'd been deep cleaning the house all day. Poor dh doesn't get too many snuggles these days because I don't have any left by the end of the day! I hardly ever get time to myself to study and I miss that. I am sleep deprived most of the time and I hate that. I like to be productive, but I am not very productive when sleep deprived. If you have a supportive family and supportive local friends, you should have a better time of this parenting stage.

 

Yes because these are my kids! Why on earth would I want to send them off somewhere else day in and day out, and spend my days working for someone else? If I did that, the poor little mites would ONLY see me when I was tired and grumpy, now they have the privilege of being the ones who make me so, meaning they get the good as well as the bad. And I would only see them when they were tired and grumpy. It'd make it very hard to like one another. And to know each other so well. And we do like one another. :) There are some things a mamma shouldn't miss, like the sight of a breastfeeding baby beaming around a booK the size of it's head. A toddler dancing in circles around a shoe and laughing when he gets dizzy. A preschooler telling you to go away because she is working, lol.

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom?

 

A bit of money (and the things you can do with money like leaving town for the day/weekend- we are fairly frugal people by nature) and quite a lot of sanity. I'm mostly over the guilt of not earning money, or at least being a domestic goddess. For now, anyway. I have a fit of the vapours every now and then like we all do, I suppose, whatever choices we've made.

 

Do you work and homeschool? Or do you just stay at home and homeschool?

 

For what homeschooling is worth at this age, lol. Heck no, I can't imagine doing both. Maybe it gets easier when they are all sleeping through the night reliably? Or maybe I'm just a wuss.

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?;)

 

Oh heck, too many outside activities and I'd be going a different kind of mad! Having these two kids close together has made socialising rather difficult. The younger is not mature enough to walk nicely by my side, so I have to keep him in the pram a lot, but he's too old to be content just sitting there. In another six months to a year, I think that problem will have resolved and we'll be able to get out a bit more. But we go to playgroup once a week, meet up at the zoo with a friend and her kids every fortnight or so, and another friend at a different zoo every month or so, as her schedule permits. Dd really does need another outing, and it seems our playgroup provider is going to run a second day next year, which will be perfect for us.

 

Anything else you would like to add is apprecitated and this is for me, I needed some encouragement today to know that not going to a normal college and getting the college experience is okay, sometimes I struggle a lot with this.

 

College will still be there for the foreseeable future. I didn't go until I was 21, after working a few years. I'm glad I finished my degree before having kids. College is good, but it's not the only experience worth having. Seriously, you don't need to be paying that much in fees to spend 8 hours a day in a library. ;) There is more to the experience than the library, but the library was the largest portion by far! The list of things you haven't done will always be longer than the list of things you have done. That's just life. Make sure you keep up with some kind of academic self study. It's really hard to wake your brain up if you let it go dormant! You can always do the medical billing course and use that to pay your way through whatever you want the rest of your education if you want to go further in an official setting. College aids some kids in growing up and merely delays it for others.

 

A resounding :iagree: with Tibbie and Diane. And I'm so glad to see women being real with a "newbie" to the club. So often IRL conversation swings between horror stories and rose-coloured glasses style. Nobody here is doing either.

 

:)

Rosie

[Twilight Woods]

I wanted to add that most community colleges have RN to BSN programs. PLUS if you get into a hospital most have tuition reimbursement/scholarship programs for RN's as well.

 

Something to look into.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I have a friend that got married right after high school. She didn't go to college and I don't even know if she's ever had a job. Her youngest will graduate high school soon. I doubt she will try to get a job (because her church discourages it), but even if she does, I don't know what she'd put on her resume. She has no work experience for at least 23 years, no volunteering in at least the last ten years, and not really any hobbies.

 

I asked her recently what things she's been waiting to do until all the kids grow up. She said, "Nothing. All I ever wanted to do is be a mommy."

 

Unfortunately, her family really, really needs the money. Her husband is in his 50s working in a very physically demanding job. His body won't last forever, and he has few prospects of getting a desk job. They have no assets, no retirement, no house, no savings, and frequent medical bills. Their church, friends, and family have helped a lot over the years, paying for doctor visits, surgeries, several cars, and even housing. Still, they can never get ahead and probably never will. The only way I see this changing is if she gets a career somehow.

 

All this is to say you never know how life will turn out. It's better to have a backup career or college degree and not need it, than to need it and not have one (assuming no large debts for college).

[Homemama2]

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom? yes!

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom? Depends on how you look at it. I became a stay at home mom less than a year from getting my bachelor's degree. When our baby was born, I quit my job and at the time was making more money than my Dh, so it meant a lot less money coming in. We chose not to get cable, gym memberships, cell phones and other things like that, so that money would stretch farther. To me, that was NOT a sacrifice. I didn't mind a bit and neither did Dh. I had also shop at 'cheap' places like Aldi, Goodwill etc, and we stopped going out to eat. But I didn't mind, because I loved being home with my baby. Money is no longer an issue, and we still don't have some of those things.

 

Do you work and homeschool? No. My previous job is one that I could work part time, but we decided to have me stay home full time. Dh's schedule is constantly changing, and it would be difficult to schedule around.

 

Or do you just stay at home and homeschool? This.

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home I like being home, and don't feel like I'm going "mad" ever, but I have friends that feel like that. I felt more like this when I had babies, but then you can just take the babies and go somewhere. The nice thing with homeschooling is that you have more time for extracurriculars. We do some sports, awana, an occasional outside class like art and have been in a co-op in the past. This is more for my kids' sake than my own. If I feel the need to get out, taking our work to the local Starbucks is enough for me. I do not regret any of the choices I've made. I loved college and am glad for what I learned there. But, I am so thankful that I can be home with my kids. They grow up so fast and then they are gone. I'll have plenty of time to work in a few short years when they are gone.

 

:001_smile:

My dad has been helping me with Medical Billing and Coding and he said if I still wanted to go for it then to go for the two year program at the local tech school and get my 2 year degree so that one day I could stay home and maybe run my own buisness one day.

 

I'm not sure why you think "doors have slammed", but I think the first thing you should do is pray about it. Going to a community college/tech school is a great option if you cannot attend a university for either financial or academic reasons. The Medical Billing option is a fine career choice, if that is what you are wanting to do. Just don't give up on anything at 16. Work hard in school, and pray that God will lead you in making wise choices for your future.

I have also discovered my talent in helping others, and would like to join a good church that has heavy emphasis on these values and to mission work before I get married.

This is something else you need to pray about.

Edited December 12, 2011 by Homemama2

[In2why]

First I am not a Stay at home mom :D, this is a pet peeve with me, I am a Homemaker. I state it that way because my relationship with my husband comes first and my role as a mother while incredibly important to me, comes second. That might sound strange since I am not conservative or even religious really, but I dislike how the focus has changed to child led instead of family led with the relationship first.

 

I love being at home with my kids and teaching them. My husband and I made this decision even before we home schooled. I worked full-time for a long time, and part time for a while, but my husband wound up on the 3-11 shift and his income tripled mine. If I kept working in the legal field as I had, he and I would not have seen each other during the week. Due to his shift I was also basically a single parent quite a bit of the time and that takes energy. I am in awe of women who are able to make it all work, but I couldn't.

 

With that said I think it is incredibly important to be able to take care of yourself and your children financially. I love my DH and I want to be with him, but I would hate to need to be with him. I have seen women in horrible marriages afraid to leave because of finances. I have also had friends who unexpectedly became widows and even with insurance they had to go back to work. I think it works better if a woman and family can choose to be home or choose to go out into the workforce. As a choice it can be freeing on the really horrible days because you don't feel trapped at home, but know that it is a choice.

 

The other thing is that not every woman will get married, and even if they do get married, they might not have a husband who supports the wife being at home. Most men these days expect their wives to work, especially in the beginning while your family is established. I know both of my adult sons wouldn't consider marrying a woman who didn't have a career. They wouldn't have an interest in dating someone who didn't have any ambition other than being a homemaker. They also want to have the choice.

 

I would encourage you to get your education and follow your dreams so that no matter what you can take care of yourself. Then if you meet a man you can discuss your life goals and that you want to stay at home with the children. That way it doesn't seem like he is your lifeline, but an option.

[2squared]

Well, I guess I'll have to post a dissenting opinion. I am not enjoying being a SAHM right now. I do it because it is the better choice for our family. Why?

 

Well, for one thing, finances are getting tighter as the kids get older. We are having to make disappointing choices. If I had let dh continue being the stay-at-home parent, we wouldn't have these financial issues. Our family life wouldn't be as rich as it is today, so we give in financial security but we gain in family strength.

 

For another thing, I am an introvert who needs a lot of white space to think. Here I sit in a household of five young children. I don't have the time or space to be an introvert. By the end of the day, I have had more than my fill of being touched and listening to endless chatter.

 

And to close with a selfish reason, I perceive that I am viewed by our community as the barefoot & pregnant wife while dh is the everything since he's the town attorney. Some days I really miss my intense career and the atta-boys that came with it.

 

I would love to have a part-time job, but it's just not the right season for my family.

[justamouse]

Well, I guess I'll have to post a dissenting opinion. I am not enjoying being a SAHM right now. I do it because it is the better choice for our family. Why?

 

Well, for one thing, finances are getting tighter as the kids get older. We are having to make disappointing choices. If I had let dh continue being the stay-at-home parent, we wouldn't have these financial issues. Our family life wouldn't be as rich as it is today, so we give in financial security but we gain in family strength.

 

For another thing, I am an introvert who needs a lot of white space to think. Here I sit in a household of five young children. I don't have the time or space to be an introvert. By the end of the day, I have had more than my fill of being touched and listening to endless chatter.

 

And to close with a selfish reason, I perceive that I am viewed by our community as the barefoot & pregnant wife while dh is the everything since he's the town attorney. Some days I really miss my intense career and the atta-boys that came with it.

 

I would love to have a part-time job, but it's just not the right season for my family.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

See my siggie and those kids? I TOTALLY remember those days. And the day I pulled the plug on my business (the one I had just sunk 30k into not knowing twins were right around the corner). You are in some of the hardest times of all. :grouphug:

[NanceXToo]

I am a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. When I was "just" a stay at home mom I used to go a little more stir crazy sometimes and would miss getting out of the house and being with adults sometimes, even though I also loved having the opportunity to be with my kids. But since adding homeschooling to the mix, my days feel more purposeful somehow. Also it's gotten me a lot more involved with other people (my Homeschool group) which is important for not feeling isolated, I think. It's also helped enriched MY life because I feel we are always learning so much together, as I learn along with my kids very often. Is being a stay at home or homeschooling mom a challenge sometimes? Sure? But really, I wouldn't trade it for the world!

[momma aimee]

.. One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

 

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom?

 

Yes we make real sacrfices as a family, and i have made others personally due to the life change.

Do you work and homeschool?

 

I work very part time, family and school is alvays first -- and i don't count myself as a working mom

 

Or do you just stay at home and homeschool?

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?

 

NOPE -- I have 2 little, they are in stuff, i school and i work once in a great time -- no i do have have 'other' things to keep me busy.

 

 

:D

[nukeswife]

I became a SAHW before I was a SAHM, I married a Navy man and with all the moving we did it wasn't easy to find a job because they knew you'd be leaving. I also didn't want to work many weekends or nights since that was the only possible time he'd be home.

 

I love being a SAHM, it's the best job I've ever had.

 

I don't feel that I sacrificed anything to do it. I had always hoped to find a man to marry that would be ok with me staying home even if we were never parents. My husband was just that man, he would have no problem with me working if that's what I wanted, but is also just as fine with me staying home.

 

I never regretted not going to a typical 4 year college or university, I don't think I really missed out on anything by not doing that. I do have a tech school certificate in Unit Clerical Coordinating (basically Hospital Unit secretary) and I don't think I'd ever want to go back to that job.

 

I haven't worked outside the home since I got married and hope to not have to ever, unless it's something I want to do.

 

OOPs, almost forgot. I'm not involved with too many outside activities, I'm just not that type of person.

[mom2denj]

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

I love being at home with my kids!

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom?

Well, we do have to sacrifice some financially, but we have all the necessities.

Do you work and homeschool?

I do not work, but yes, I homeschool. Or do you just stay at home and homeschool?My oldest dd just went off to public high school and I still have dd 5 at home.

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?;) Yes, we have a lot of outside activities, but I LOVE being at home.

 

I worked while my oldest kids were little. I worked at night and my dh worked during the day , so the kids did not have to go to daycare. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I wouldn't have it any other way now!!:D

[littleWMN]

I have four kids and I've stayed home since my oldest was born 10 years ago. I do love staying home. My husband is supportive of it, and he would never be as successful in his job if I also had a job. He works a lot of hours.

 

However, if I had it to do all over again, I would choose something that I could do part-time or for a season in case something happens to my DH or if he lost his job or whatever. Something like nursing.

 

When I was young, all I wanted to do was stay at home with my kids. I'm living my dream. However, I do wish I'd done more to have something marketable, as I do get a little bored and wish I had something to fall back on in a few years when my kids aren't so young (I'd like something part-time). The career I chose is not really one I can go back to without a lot of effort, and I've lost my passion for it, so I have no plans to go back. We've discussed me going back to school when my youngest kids are teenagers.

 

I agree with everyone that says to not give up your dreams. If medical coding is what you want to do, that's great! But don't settle. I think being a mommy is the most noble job of all. But I wouldn't encourage my daughters (I have three of them) to bank on being a mom. You may get married later, or tragedy may hit. You never know. I'm not saying this to discourage you but to ENCOURAGE you to think about what will serve you best in the future in many different situations.

 

You are wise to be thinking ahead. :grouphug:

[prairiegirl]

I love being at home with my kids and homeschooling them. I worked for 12 years before I had kids and I did not enjoy working outside of the home.

 

Sacrifices? There are lots of things that I have to give up but I don't consider them sacrifices. I just consider it a way of life for us. We don't have all of the snazzy electronic devices that other families seem to have. My wardrobe is very sparse. I'm sure there are other things if I thought of it long enough but those things don't mean that much to me. I am able to feed and clothe my children, buy curriculum to teach them and buy books for me. That is all I need. :001_smile:

 

I am not able to have any outside activities for me but that is not because I don't have time. We live out in the boonies. The nearest town is 45 min. away. The kids activities have priority over my activities. We go to town about 4 times a week for the kids so I feel guilty over spending more money on gas for me. If we lived in town, I would definitely be able to do more for me.

[Maus]

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

Yes! 95% of the time. I actually like my kids, and I feel really blessed that DH's health is holding out (he's diabetic) so that he can work and I can stay home.

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom?

I don't think of it so much as sacrificing. More as keeping our priorities straight. We live in a smaller, older home that we will be able to pay off soon (six more years!!! Yeah!!) Most of our furniture was acquired used. We look for good condition used cars when we need to replace one, etc. We decided while we were dating that my staying home with the kids, traveling as a family, and owning a mortgage-free home were our priorities, over having a big screen tv, fancy new cars and clothes, etc. I agree with the posts about dating guys that share your priorities. If you want to be a SAHM, you have to marry a guy that is willing and capable of making that happen.

Do you work and homeschool?

No. :lol: I barely manage to homeschool and keep the house clean enough not to be a death trap. I also manage the finances, balance the checkbook, etc.

Or do you just stay at home and homeschool?

Well, not "just" stay at home and homeschool. See above. We also "roadschool" as often as possible.

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?

Nope. I just go "mad." We do have our schedule worked out so that DH stays with the kids one night a week, so I can just "hang" at the library or attend a lecture at our local university, etc. He also takes one kid a week out on a "date with Dad" night, which tends to change the dynamics and hence calm the chaos among the kids whose turn it isn't.

 

I did graduate from college, and I served an LDS mission before I met and started dating DH. I had a job starting as soon as I was old enough (younger than 16, as I first worked in the family business), and I anticipated working until we started a family, and then returning to work as soon as the youngest could start school (didn't plan to homeschool.) As it happened, DH and I were both laid off about two years before we finally had a baby (we had fertility issues for a while), and I was able to get contract work and hold us together while he job hunted. (It took 18 months for him to find something, so we already knew our oldest was on the way by the time he got something permanent.)

 

I will likely have to trade him places before we get our kids through college, if his health follows the same pattern his dad's did, so I'm also grateful I have a degree and work experience. My job skills don't pay as well as his do, so that's why paying off our mortgage is a huge priority.

[wapiti]

I, too, have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom...but a stay-at-home mom with a college degree. I have that and I feel it has blessed my life immeasurably.

 

College is a wonderful experience in and of itself. It allows you to expand your horizons, to explore new things and to meet new people. It's where I met my husband. He also has an excellent job because of his degree, which is what allows me to remain at home and still have a comfortable lifestyle.

 

And here is a bit of brutal (and possibly unpopular) honesty for you. If you want the best possible chance for being a stay-at-home mom....marry well. Marry someone who has the ability, education and motivation to work hard to provide the income you need to stay at home. If you don't, you will struggle. You will constantly have to watch every penny, you will have to deal with the anxiety of whether you should pay the utilities or put food on the table, your children won't have the opportunity to participate in things like music lessons, team sports, extracurricular classes, vacations and travel, etc. Can you have a perfectly happy and content life without those things? Of course...but honestly...it's so much nicer with them.

 

And I'm not talking about the "well we love each other and we have our faith, so we're happy" stuff. I'm speaking of how difficult it is to know that you can't give a child who has an obvious talent (in dance, music, science, etc.) the means to develop it. I'm speaking of the pain of not being able to give your child warm clothing for the winter, because you can't afford a new pair of winter boots or a new coat and they have to wear one of their siblings worn out and outgrown ones. I'm talking of the guilt you feel when you know your child is sick and probably needs antibiotics, but you cannot afford to take them to the doctor, let alone buy medication, because you have no health insurance. I'm talking about the disappointment on your child's face when there is nothing under the Christmas tree this year. These situations are very real, very stressful and can take a terrible toll on a marriage and family.

 

Can a college degree prevent this from happening? No, of course not. But knowing that you want to be a stay-at-home mom means that you should look for a spouse that will have a degree (or trade, or business, or rich parents :D) that will make the above situation a whole lot less likely. If you want to live on only one income, then you need to be smart and make sure your future partner can give you that blessing in your life.

 

I have loved being a stay-at-home mom more than anything. And I'm grateful that I knew I wanted to do that well before I got married. It made my list of criteria when choosing a spouse (and honestly, you should have a list) much different. I wanted a husband who would have a high income and I dated accordingly. And in case anyone thinks that sounds callous or cold...I also found someone who is completely amazing and whom I love with all my heart. We will be married for 24 years in April and they have been happy and wonderful years together. So, to sum it up...as the knight said in "Indiana Jones"...."choose wisely". :lol:

 

:iagree::iagree: (I was thinking the exact same thing, "choose wisely", voice-over and all :lol:)

[mlbuchina]

..lots of questions for you all here!:D I know that this for me is a long way down the road, but I just wanted to ask a few questions anyways if you all wouldn't mind me asking. So here goes!

 

I know now adays with the way the economy is going it's getting harder and harder to stay home with just your husband supporting you (and maybe even sometimes yourself) and your family, but I would one day like to be a stay at home mom and not be a work-a-holic mom that I see so much of today. I used to have big plans on going to a top-notch college and getting a Ph.D and everything, but for some reason God has closed those doors, they have been "slammed shut" so to speak and I can't get them to open again. What has been opened for me is not exactly what I expected but now it is starting to make more sense. My dad has been helping me with Medical Billing and Coding and he said if I still wanted to go for it then to go for the two year program at the local tech school and get my 2 year degree so that one day I could stay home and maybe run my own buisness one day. I have also discovered my talent in helping others, and would like to join a good church that has heavy emphasis on these values and to mission work before I get married.

 

Ack I am rambling on now, but here are my list of questions lol.

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom? Yes, I enjoy it. Does that mean it is all roses all the time? No. There are days I could pull all my hair out. LOL BUT, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom? I don't think so.

 

Do you work and homeschool?Nope. Total SAHM.

 

Or do you just stay at home and homeschool?Well... We don't JUST stay at home. LOL

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?;)I do a lot of outside stuff. It is a combo of things I like to do, things my DH likes to do, and the things my dc are beginning to get involved in. I think the idea of SAHM's going "mad" because they are home all day is just silly. There are days I am going "mad" to stay home as we get so busy!:D

 

Anything else you would like to add is apprecitated and this is for me, I needed some encouragement today to know that not going to a normal college and getting the college experience is okay, sometimes I struggle a lot with this.

 

(But I have a lot of things planned for before I get married and settle down to start a family, so I don't think I will be bored! :001_smile:)

 

Thanks for your input!!:bigear:

 

Good luck in your decisions! I think asking questions and thinking about your future is a wonderfully mature thing to do.

[HS Mom in NC]

I've posted this other places many times. It's all about PLANNING to live on one income and choosing a spouse VERY carefully.

 

 

 

There is a myth in our culture that we live in a two income economy. Millions of people around the country earning average incomes are living proof this is not true. They are able to homeschool their larger than average number of children on one income. Others have mom working during school hours to cover the cost of tuition at a private institution (many of which have a tuition at the same or lower cost than the state's average per pupil funding.)

 

To insure educational options on a modest income do the following:

 

1. Ladies, marry a man with a marketable skill and an excellent work ethic who shares your views on finances, child rearing, religious/philosophical beliefs, and lifestyle choices. If you are not practically compatible in addition to romantically attracted you will probably get divorced. Single parenthood almost always eliminates financial freedom to choose educational options unless you earn a lot of money.

 

2. While you are a "Dual Income No Kids" couple make every single financial decision on the husband's income. NO EXCEPTIONS! Put the wife's income in savings.

 

3. Avoid debt like the plague. Debt is the enemy.

 

4. Mom stays home and raises the infant-preschool kids herself careful to instill nurture and discipline. Badly behaved children are difficult to teach and will not make it in a homeschool or private school setting. Look into private and home options in these years so you don't make any knee-jerk decisions.

 

5. If you choose private school over homeschooling, mom returns to the workforce during school hours and her income covers tuition.

 

Way too many couples marry for the wrong reasons and make financial decisions based on the moment- not long term. They eliminate choices in their futures by making bad choices in the present.

[cathmom]

I am much happier working part-time and having a life outside of being a homeschooling mom. In the years I was a SAHM, I did not take enough time for myself or enough breaks, and that's really something that needs to be watched out for.

[jar7709]

Another small voice of dissent here. I am with my kids 4 out of 5 weekdays because I found a way to work part-time and stay in my career in some way. When each of my children was born, I did take several months off to be SAHM, but both times I did end up really missing my work. Personally, I love my kids and of course want to give them the best, but I also love my work- the intellectual exercise, the subject matter, the connection to the outside world- and I can't feel fully satisfied for long without it, and I find I am a better mom when I have a comfortable balance of both. YMMV of course. :)

[LuvingLife]

Good. Keep your options all wide open. There's no need to limt your experiences at this point. Have you considered an exchange program at any point. I've known hsers who have done that for a month or so.

 

I can't think of program names at this moment, but I will ask my friends and do a little searching. I don't mean missionary work, although that's interesting as well. AFS is well known. They offer summer programming, and I think there have scholarship money.

 

Thank you LibraryLover that is very kind of you, and thank you to everyone else who has posted here too, it's nice to see that even though I might not be going to college right now, I will be getting a degree in Medical Billing and Coding and then expand myself as time allows. It was really nice to read everyone else's posts on being a SAHM, I enjoyed them and you have all really encouraged me, so a very big THANK YOU!!:)

[justamouse]

Another small voice of dissent here. I am with my kids 4 out of 5 weekdays because I found a way to work part-time and stay in my career in some way. When each of my children was born, I did take several months off to be SAHM, but both times I did end up really missing my work. Personally, I love my kids and of course want to give them the best, but I also love my work- the intellectual exercise, the subject matter, the connection to the outside world- and I can't feel fully satisfied for long without it, and I find I am a better mom when I have a comfortable balance of both. YMMV of course. :)

 

Your children are small and don't require much yet, in regards to schooling. Prepare yourself to reevaluate those decisions as they reach 4th grade up.

[justamouse]

I've posted this other places many times. It's all about PLANNING to live on one income and choosing a spouse VERY carefully.

 

 

 

There is a myth in our culture that we live in a two income economy. Millions of people around the country earning average incomes are living proof this is not true. They are able to homeschool their larger than average number of children on one income. Others have mom working during school hours to cover the cost of tuition at a private institution (many of which have a tuition at the same or lower cost than the state's average per pupil funding.)

 

To insure educational options on a modest income do the following:

 

1. Ladies, marry a man with a marketable skill and an excellent work ethic who shares your views on finances, child rearing, religious/philosophical beliefs, and lifestyle choices. If you are not practically compatible in addition to romantically attracted you will probably get divorced. Single parenthood almost always eliminates financial freedom to choose educational options unless you earn a lot of money.

 

2. While you are a "Dual Income No Kids" couple make every single financial decision on the husband's income. NO EXCEPTIONS! Put the wife's income in savings.

 

3. Avoid debt like the plague. Debt is the enemy.

 

4. Mom stays home and raises the infant-preschool kids herself careful to instill nurture and discipline. Badly behaved children are difficult to teach and will not make it in a homeschool or private school setting. Look into private and home options in these years so you don't make any knee-jerk decisions.

 

5. If you choose private school over homeschooling, mom returns to the workforce during school hours and her income covers tuition.

 

Way too many couples marry for the wrong reasons and make financial decisions based on the moment- not long term. They eliminate choices in their futures by making bad choices in the present.

 

SO so true. So true.

[2squared]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

See my siggie and those kids? I TOTALLY remember those days. And the day I pulled the plug on my business (the one I had just sunk 30k into not knowing twins were right around the corner). You are in some of the hardest times of all. :grouphug:

 

Thanks. :001_smile: I loved being a SAHM with my first two, but that joy has eroded with each new addition. Sad, but true. I am hoping this is a season and life will feel much, much different next year when everyone will be over 2yo.

[nova mama]

Planning is good. Marrying a like-minded husband and discussing these issues beforehand is good. Giving yourself options is also good. You may be set on staying at home with your children, then change your mind. Your husband could change his mind. Children may come later than you expect. You may plan and save wisely, and then face a difficult financial situation like his unemployment (even if he has a marketable skill--he could get sick, the market could change dramatically, etc.). If you have some skills and training, you may be able to help your family with additional income. It's nice to have options. Jus sayin.

 

FWIW, I work from home. We were also DINKs. The older two have been in daycare while I worked full-time. And at one point I stayed home without an income. I'm grateful to be able to stay home and still contribute to the income. Even if I don't get as much sleep as I'd like. :D

[Mrs Mungo]

Another small voice of dissent here. I am with my kids 4 out of 5 weekdays because I found a way to work part-time and stay in my career in some way. When each of my children was born, I did take several months off to be SAHM, but both times I did end up really missing my work. Personally, I love my kids and of course want to give them the best, but I also love my work- the intellectual exercise, the subject matter, the connection to the outside world- and I can't feel fully satisfied for long without it, and I find I am a better mom when I have a comfortable balance of both. YMMV of course. :)

 

I don't think this is really a voice of dissent. Several people said they work. Even many of the people who don't work (like me) said they were heavily involved in community service. I probably put in more volunteer hours per week than some here work at their jobs. There are many ways of achieving intellectual stimulation. :)

[jar7709]

Your children are small and don't require much yet, in regards to schooling. Prepare yourself to reevaluate those decisions as they reach 4th grade up.

 

I am fully aware that situations and circumstances change. I also know myself. Thank you.

Edited December 13, 2011 by jar7709

[cathmom]

I don't think this is really a voice of dissent. Several people said they work. Even many of the people who don't work (like me) said they were heavily involved in community service. I probably put in more volunteer hours per week than some here work at their jobs. There are many ways of achieving intellectual stimulation. :)

 

In my experience (and with my dh :tongue_smilie:), the only outside commitment taken seriously by the rest of the family (and me!) is an actual job. I think your experience is a little different, with being military. Also, when money is tight, the last thing a mom wants to spend it on is her own intellectual stimulation.

[imagine.more]

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

Yes, most days :)

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom?

Not really, I worked full-time all through college and then as a teacher for 1 year before I had my oldest son and then it was natural for me to stay home because teachers just don't earn much after daycare and transportation. The biggest sacrifice was my DH and I sharing one car for 1.5 years and we're doing it again. My DH is a pastor so he doesn't make much money so yes we probably scrimp on certain things but generally it doesn't bother me because I went straight from being a poor college student to being a poor pastor's wife, lol! I do wish he made more, we're planning for him to maybe make a career switch down the road for moral, personal, and financial reasons and hopefully his earning potential can increase then as our family grows.

 

Do you work and homeschool? Or do you just stay at home and homeschool?

Stay home. We're not legally homeschooling yet but 2 small ones and a household to run keep me busy for the time being and my oldest has started school earlier than we planned because he's ahead academically and loves to do school stuff.

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?;)

Not at the moment (live in a rural area) but I plan to be when we move in 3 weeks :) Yes I absolutely go mad when I stay home too much, I get cabin fever and just feel cranky. When we lived in the city I was happier. My best suggestion for sanity as a SAHM is to have a hobby that can be done from home (I sew), make mom friends who are also SAHM's no matter what it takes, and force yourself to shower and get dressed every morning, keep some semblance of a routine, and find a very nice teenager to babysit whenever you need it!

 

If I could visit my 16 year old self and give advice it would be this:

 

1) be sure the man you marry understands what being the sole provider entails. My DH is sweet and shared my views on me SAH once we had kids since his mother was a SAHM too, but had no idea of the realities of making that work and was ill prepared to be the sole provider. He knew zilch about finances or how to get a good paying job and settled for $6.50 an hour at a coffee shop with a bachelor's degree until I made him apply to be a youth pastor (he loves working with youth) and he got a job making $17 an hour instead and that job experience is what secured him his new job at a larger, thriving church in the suburbs.

 

2) get a degree or job training that allows for both full and part-time work, and simultaneously foster one of your hobbies. Once you have a family you can have options to work part-time or turn your hobby into a small side business (tutoring, seamstress, artist, those kinds of things). If you end up financially well off your hobby can just be a fun hobby to bolster your spirit and mind and show your children your own talents. This gives you the gift of flexibility because you never know what the future might hold. Your current career plan sounds like a really good one in that it only requires a 2 year degree. So you can get going in your career young and then maybe pursue a 4 year liberal arts degree bit by bit as you can pay for it. A degree is never wasted on a SAHM, it's only if tons of student loans are taken out that it can become a burden instead of an asset. Weigh the long-term benefits to things.

 

3) DO NOT GET INTO DEBT!! If you need student loans make sure they are less than half of your expected starting salary.

 

4) Get experience caring for kids now and keep it up. I was a nanny for 5 years and it was the best preparation for having my own kids, even though of course having my own is both infinitely harder and more rewarding. But I really was able to grasp the work involved with having kids and knew how to respond to them. I never had to be a freaked-out FTM because I'd done everything but the breastfeeding before. Watching some of my peers who had zero experience with kids (some hadn't held a baby ever!) I am thankful I had the opportunity to help nanny for 2 different families and watch them lovingly parent their kids. The transition to being a mom came naturally and easily and I really think it's because I had just recently gotten the carseats from nannying out of my car when I got married and got pregnant for the first time, lol!

[LuvingLife]

Thank you all for your awesome advice, it has really been a great help and I appreciate everything that was said!

[Pretty in Pink]

Ack I am rambling on now, but here are my list of questions lol.

 

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom? Short answer: yes. I am so grateful that I am able to stay at home with my kids.

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom? Yes, I suppose so. I think of it in terms of trade-offs though. I have chosen to postpone school (I have gone back several times but then gotten pregnant again so I haven't finished yet). I have given up having a career at this stage of my life. Earlier in my dh's career there were material sacrifices as well but we are feeling the sting less and less these days -- partly because he makes more now but mostly because we have learned to live on less, I guess.

 

Do you work and homeschool? Or do you just stay at home and homeschool? I have never worked while homeschooling. I have gone to school full-time, both online and on campus. Those days were busy but really enjoyable for me.

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?;) That is one reason that I enjoyed going to school so very much. I really enjoyed the outside interactions as well as the academic stimulation.

 

I'm not in school right now but, yes, we are generally involved in several outside activities, both for my sanity and that of my children. I feel that socializing with their peers is valuable and enjoyable and I go out of my way to make sure that my kids have plenty of opportunities to interact with other kids.

 

There's nothing wrong with a mother enjoying outside activities, whether work or volunteering or whatever. I'd be lying if I said that things are never mundane around here. That's the nature of the beast, especially when there are littles to care for. I still wouldn't trade it for anything. :)

 

 

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[LuvingLife]

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I love what you all said, thanks and this is just for what I would like my future life to be, and I really mean FUTURE! (like another 10 years or so!:lol:) But it's nice to think about sometimes!

[LuvingLife]

One is do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

Yes, most days :)

 

Did you have to sacrifice a lot to be a stay at home mom?

Not really, I worked full-time all through college and then as a teacher for 1 year before I had my oldest son and then it was natural for me to stay home because teachers just don't earn much after daycare and transportation. The biggest sacrifice was my DH and I sharing one car for 1.5 years and we're doing it again. My DH is a pastor so he doesn't make much money so yes we probably scrimp on certain things but generally it doesn't bother me because I went straight from being a poor college student to being a poor pastor's wife, lol! I do wish he made more, we're planning for him to maybe make a career switch down the road for moral, personal, and financial reasons and hopefully his earning potential can increase then as our family grows.

 

Do you work and homeschool? Or do you just stay at home and homeschool?

Stay home. We're not legally homeschooling yet but 2 small ones and a household to run keep me busy for the time being and my oldest has started school earlier than we planned because he's ahead academically and loves to do school stuff.

 

Are you involved with a lot of outside activities so you don't go "mad" at home?;)

Not at the moment (live in a rural area) but I plan to be when we move in 3 weeks :) Yes I absolutely go mad when I stay home too much, I get cabin fever and just feel cranky. When we lived in the city I was happier. My best suggestion for sanity as a SAHM is to have a hobby that can be done from home (I sew), make mom friends who are also SAHM's no matter what it takes, and force yourself to shower and get dressed every morning, keep some semblance of a routine, and find a very nice teenager to babysit whenever you need it!

 

If I could visit my 16 year old self and give advice it would be this:

 

1) be sure the man you marry understands what being the sole provider entails. My DH is sweet and shared my views on me SAH once we had kids since his mother was a SAHM too, but had no idea of the realities of making that work and was ill prepared to be the sole provider. He knew zilch about finances or how to get a good paying job and settled for $6.50 an hour at a coffee shop with a bachelor's degree until I made him apply to be a youth pastor (he loves working with youth) and he got a job making $17 an hour instead and that job experience is what secured him his new job at a larger, thriving church in the suburbs.

 

2) get a degree or job training that allows for both full and part-time work, and simultaneously foster one of your hobbies. Once you have a family you can have options to work part-time or turn your hobby into a small side business (tutoring, seamstress, artist, those kinds of things). If you end up financially well off your hobby can just be a fun hobby to bolster your spirit and mind and show your children your own talents. This gives you the gift of flexibility because you never know what the future might hold. Your current career plan sounds like a really good one in that it only requires a 2 year degree. So you can get going in your career young and then maybe pursue a 4 year liberal arts degree bit by bit as you can pay for it. A degree is never wasted on a SAHM, it's only if tons of student loans are taken out that it can become a burden instead of an asset. Weigh the long-term benefits to things.

 

3) DO NOT GET INTO DEBT!! If you need student loans make sure they are less than half of your expected starting salary.

 

4) Get experience caring for kids now and keep it up. I was a nanny for 5 years and it was the best preparation for having my own kids, even though of course having my own is both infinitely harder and more rewarding. But I really was able to grasp the work involved with having kids and knew how to respond to them. I never had to be a freaked-out FTM because I'd done everything but the breastfeeding before. Watching some of my peers who had zero experience with kids (some hadn't held a baby ever!) I am thankful I had the opportunity to help nanny for 2 different families and watch them lovingly parent their kids. The transition to being a mom came naturally and easily and I really think it's because I had just recently gotten the carseats from nannying out of my car when I got married and got pregnant for the first time, lol!

 

Thank you for the great advice, and I have 3 brothers, 3 sisters, and another baby sibling due in March, so I have lots of experience with kids!:lol:

[Lolly]

Do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?Tremendously. It was actually my life goal from the time I was tiny. My grandmother asked when I was only 4 what I wanted to be when I grew up. I answered a mommy with 5 babies. That answer never changed, even though I sometimes said veterinarian instead.;)

 

Do you have to sacrifice?No. I do not feel I am sacrificing anything. I truly feel I am doing what I was meant to do. This is where I belong.

 

Do you work and homeschool?...No. I am responsible for the house, the money, the kids, and their schooling.

 

Are you involved in outside activities so that you don't go mad at home?No. I tried that. The outside activities drove me insane. I couldn't do my job at home right when I had obligations outside the home. Being a wife and mother is my vocation. It is my focus. I found that having obligations outside the home consumed me. They kept calling for more and more and more...That isn't to say we don't get out of the house! We do. But, it is for the kids' activities and for pleasure. Not to be a part of a committee somewhere.

 

 

The one thing dh and I did that I highly recommend for anyone who plans to stay home with the kids is to, once married, not spend the wife's income. Everything I made went into savings and was not touched. We knew we were going to have to live off of dh's income and made a decision to do it from the start. If you get used to having all of that extra, you will really miss it. Instead, squirrel it away and have a nice nest egg for emergencies. You will need it one day!!! I think that is one reason I do not feel that I have to sacrifice, we never gave up my added income on a day to day basis. It wasn't a step down when I quit working.

[kroe1]

Sorry I have not read all the replies. But, I would highly discourage you from getting a degree in medical billing and coding. That is rapidly becoming 100% automated. The hospital I work with, for example, has eliminated all coding positions. Most of the physician offices in our area have eliminated them also.

[JessReplanted]

I stay at home and home school. I can't imagine raising our kids any other way.

 

But, yes, we make a lot of sacrifices to live this way. My husband has been a pastor for the past 4 years, and his salary is minimal. We've learned how to trust God to take care of our needs, and how not to spend money.

 

It's not always easy, but I try to remember that at the end of my life material possessions will mean nothing compared to the joy of knowing that I honored God by raising our kids well.

[Mama Geek]

This is a resurrected thread and the advertiser has been reported.

[Lolly]

This is a resurrected thread and the advertiser has been reported.

 

Well! Dang! That's the first thread resurrection I've been sucked into. Humph!!!:tongue_smilie: